Tag Archives: embarrassment

Day 367: Creating My Own Self-Image

This week I have been looking at shame and embarrassment particularly in relation to doing things outside the norm – looking differently, smelling differently, sticking out in some way and being different.

In my past, I have deliberately decided to do things against the norm. There has however always been a fear within me. It was also this fear that compelled me that challenge myself – because I did not want to be controlled by this experience. Though, in retrospect, I can see that it was not effective. By going against my fears, I were not able to change them long term. And now I am able to understand why that is the case. Because in going against my fears, I still do not understand them, and I am not directing them – I am instead trying to force them back by going into a opposite reaction.

Thus, the solution to living without the fear of being different is by understanding where this fear comes from. In my case, this fear is very much cultural. It is a part of my upbringing to not want to stick my neck out, to not want to be different – I have been taught that it is best to not cause to much raucous. And the underlying fear is that of fearing being judged by others – having others talk behind my back – having others dislike me and want to bring me down.

Let us take a look at this fearing of being judged by others. What is it really about? It is really a fear of loss – fear of loosing the positive way in which I perceive people see me. This indicates that I build my self-image on how I perceive others view me – thus in order for me to have a positive view of me – I feel that I need to have others see me that same way. There are a couple of reasons as to why that is simple not a practical way to design my image of myself; firstly – it makes me dependent on others – I have to continuously use others to assess me and build my image and idea of myself. Secondly, it makes me vulnerable to fluctuations, changes and movements in my world. If someone have some form of reaction towards me, it will impact and ripple and effect the way I see myself. That is not what I want.

If my self-image would be stable and sustainable – I would be stable regardless of how others view me – and my understanding/image/view of myself would be something that I create and see directly – there would not be a wall of perception that the information must pass through first. Most importantly, I would not be dependent upon anyone else telling me who I am – because I would know who I am. This would remove any fear of being different – because I would know who I am – I would know what I do – and there would not be that anxiety within me as to what others might or might not think about me.

Thus – what are the solutions that I can apply when I notice this fear is coming up within me?

What I see as important is that I remind myself who is the creator of my self-image – and that I make a decision in that moment to create my own self-image – to make sure that I do not depend on others to give me a view and understanding of myself – but that it is my own. To also understand that – the fears coming up within me are not created by anyone else but by myself – it is thus my relationship with me that is being uncovered and not anything else.

Practically speaking – I can take a breath, straighten my back, push out my chest, saying with my body language that I AM HERE – THIS IS WHO I AM – and then continue applying myself within what I was doing – and not accepting and allowing myself to be limited and diminished within fears and anxieties.

 


Day 282: A Hell of A Day

Today, I had a hell of a day. And with that, I mean that I had a day where I faced many new experiences, and reactions, of which, particularly one stands out – the desire to impress, and its polarity opposite, the fear of being useless.

I really enjoy the way that my work is challenging me when it comes to this point. Because my work currently is about tightly cooperating with others, and in that my efforts are continuously being evaluated, by myself obviously, and the benchmark of my evaluations is how I perceive that others see/receive my work. For instance today, I had a moment where I walked up to one of my colleagues, as we where to have a meeting, and it turned out that I was half an hour early to the meeting – lol. In that I moment I experienced a big fat embarrassment in my chest area, as well as a fear tightening my chest – because in that moment I perceived my actions/behavior as a weakness.

So, it is interesting how deeply ingrained this point is within me of wanting/desiring to be someone to another, and how severely it is limiting me. Fact is, that when I strive to be something for another, my experience of myself in what I am doing shifts from me, here, applying myself, to learn, expand and grow in my application, into a state of fear, where the murmuring backchat is of the following nature: ‘What do they think of me?’ – ‘Did I do this right?’ – ‘Did I make a fool out of myself now?’ – ‘Oh my god, they are going to dislike me forever now!’ – it is like a constant momentum of anxiety that I get pulled into that then defines my day, my work, and what I do.

And, the interesting part of this is that I know how much I could enjoy my work, and the learning experience I could create it to be, if I would be able to let go of my drive to please, and my fear of displeasing – because the work offers so much potential for learning, growing, expanding and becoming more effective. Really, it is similar to school, we constantly do things because others tell us to, and after a while it is all about the recognition, all about what others think of us, and not about our own expression/experience/momentum within what we are doing.

The solution is to redefine work, redefine living, redefine myself, from survival to living – and that means – understanding that life becomes so much more when the veils of fear are released and one is instead able to focus on the actual living, the actual participation, the actual interaction with life here – and one have energy, and space within to process this world, and all the information that is constantly moving. From what I see for myself, what stands in my way is fears and desires – very basic mental experiences that are stopping me from becoming what I can become. Because I do like my chosen profession, I do like the constant learning, expanding, and growing that exists within it – however to really access that potential fear must go.

However, I will not give up until I am able to stand, and walk in my chosen profession as an expression of real living, with no fear – that is my reference point – that is my goal and where I want to get to. Now the work begins to get there, which involves, applying self-forgiveness, and the specifying my corrective applications. Challenges, mistakes, faults, and errors are not meant to be feared – we are supposed to learn from them, grow, expand and welcome them into our lives, as they offer us an opportunity to become even more effective.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being appreciated by my colleagues or bosses – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent upon others appreciating me, others thinking that I am good, others defining me as being an asset, etc. and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give this to myself

I recognize that I am an asset, that I have many qualities, skills and abilities that I can use to give and create a world that is better for all participants involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being outcasted by my colleagues and bosses

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes – in the fear that my colleagues or bosses are then going to judge me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake in fear of what that might lead to and create in my life in terms of future career opportunities – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessed about my future – about what might come to pass – and forget about myself here in the moment – and the process that I am walking – and how I can in-fact use what I am doing to empower myself as an individual – however it is required then that I push the point of actually doing it for and as myself and not to satisfy my bosses and colleagues

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my life when I am out in the system, working, creating relationships, and more, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this experience thinking that life is dangerous, that I need this fear to keep on my toes, not realizing that it’s not about need – it is about habit – and within that not realizing that I can create for more supportive ways of living and participating in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that a reason as to why very few people are able to become knowledgeable and superior in their professional field is because the focus is elsewhere, the focus is not on learning, understanding and empowering oneself within the work one is doing – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that to empower myself in my field, I must focus on the work, the field, and the learning of that work, that must be where my energy goes, and in this I cannot accept and allow fear to be a part of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not presenting a good enough work, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when my focus is on presenting a good work to another, then I am not actually focusing on the work that I am doing HERE – and how I can empower myself within the work that I am doing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the key to remember is that what I focus on will grow – if I focus on what I fear – that will grow – if I instead focus on my relationship and application within the work that I do – then that will grow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not, when and as I notice that I am getting high strung at work, and I go into some form of a rush-energy, to take a moment to stop up, to go grab a cup of coffee, drink some water, or take a walk, and support myself to get out of that experience, or apply some self-forgiveness, stop up for some moments and ground myself back into my body, remind myself of my starting point, my why in the work that I am doing, to learn as much as possible, to expand, and empower myself within the field of law, to in the future be able to use this to create a difference in this world that will make life better for all human beings – that is my starting point – not fear – not anxiety – not worry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes, because I fear that my superiors are going to judge me, and that this will have ramifications for me in that I will not be able to get a job in the future, and feel secure and safe in my living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to with regards to money, and security, exist in this polarity, where I sometimes, usually when I get money, feel secure, safe, and sound, and then when I am at work, and I perceive that there is a risk I am not going to get money, go into fear, anxiety, and worry that I am not going to be able to survive, because I might become fired from my job – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that my participation in this sense/feeling of security is actually creating the opposite polarity of fear, and anxiety – and hence I commit myself to let go of both of these polarities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my colleagues or bosses are cryptically judging, or showing their discontent with me, when they look a little angry, or say something that could be interpreted as them thinking that I am not good at what I am doing – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no point in caring what others think about me – what is important is that I know what I am doing – I know what I am pushing – I know what I am walking – and that I am walking to my utmost ability – and in that I know that I am doing what I can do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is that I must take ownership of my life, my work, my professional career, everything I do, make it mine and thus not anymore do it to satisfy another – but to create a purpose within it that I can walk, where I have my starting point, where I have my direction, and where I know/see how I am going to create myself within it all

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to use my current work to learn as much about law and the legal system as I am able to – and I commit myself to focus my physical and mental energy on this process of learning, of understanding, and seeing the flaws, and mistakes, and the machinery of this system, and thus not anymore accept and allow fear to be a focus in my day-to-day living

When and as I notice that I am going into a state of rush, and inner speed, and where this is shown through becoming absent minded, forgetting things, and being generally incapable of focusing effectively, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that to ground myself back in my body, I require some moments for myself – I require some moments of breathing, applying self-forgiveness, and focusing myself back here – and thus I commit myself to give myself those moments – there is time for that – because I realize what a difference this will make for me – and how much more comfortable and relaxed I will be in my physical body as I get home – and how much more rested I will be as I wake up the next day – as I will not have abused and harmed my body through participating in stress, anxiety, and fear

I commit myself to walk my life with no fear, stress and anxiety, and show that it is possible to do this – and I commit myself to not fear mistakes

I commit myself to in relation to my profession, my career, to create a purpose within it, to thus create ownership in relation to all parts of my life, so that I am walking/creating for and as myself – walking and creating according to my plans, and according to what I see myself achieving in this life, and hence not within and as the fear of what my bosses, and colleagues might think about me – and thus I commit myself to take ownership in all parts of my life – to redefine who I am in the areas of my life where I notice that there is still fear and anxiety – as I understand that such reactions indicate that there is till a separation and that I have not effectively claimed ownership in relation to the point

Day 43: My Top Secret Relationship With Razors

Today I had a cool, and very direct view on the nature of self-judgment as a cultural installment – that have been brainwashed into me to become my living (or dead?) character – and this particular point opened up while shopping for razors.

Now – in the country of my origins it’s commonly accepted that when males buy a razor this should be used for their beard, and their beard only – only women are supposed to shave their legs, armpits, and private areas – and if a male happens to do this – well – that’s just gay – apparently; now obviously their might different cultural ideas within my country as well, but my particular pre-programming tends to believe that this point of a male shaving some other part of their body than their beard – that is gay.

Okay – so – as I entered the shop I had selected for myself a purpose of venturing to the hygienic department in order to get myself a couple of good razors – and my intention with these razors was not to shave the normally accepted parts of the human physical body according to my pre-installed programming; my plan was to shave the “bad”, and “wrong” parts of the body – lol.

top-secret-documents-gsa-containers-shredders11So, as I arrived at the department I noticed that it was gotdamn big – thus I required assistance – and conveniently a store clergy asked me what it was that I was looking for – I experienced a small burst of fear – thinking: “shit will I have tell him what sort it should be?!” – Outwardly I looked calm, and said with a stable voice – “I want razors” – lol – and I could breath out for a moment as I’d effectively covered up the real intention of my mission in the store, and the clergy was now unknowingly helping me to commit my atrocious cultural crime of buying razors not for the purpose of shaving my head – I felt like an evil genius.

My happiness lasted only for a brief moment – because the clergy turned towards me, almost as if he’d sensed my immoral intentions – and asked: “So, you are going to shave your beard with these, or some other body part” – lol – a moment of panic emerged within me – “my god – what should I say now?” – I said calmly yet again – making sure to not reveal my hideous plans: “To shave my beard”

lol – so in that moment I sort of asked myself – “what the fuck am I doing?” – I was like: “He’s not even going to remember me when he get’s home to work, and here I am compromising myself, and acting all foolishly – not being clear, and direct, because I fear what others are going to think of me” – so – that’s when I realized the control that this particular cultural limitation exercised over me; and because of that I’ve now decided to deal with it.

I mean – really – this point is so ridiculous – a point like this could be valid if I was walking around in the store with my boss, that I understood had a very masculine cultural belief, and as such detested all males that in anyway tried something that could be perceived as feminine – I mean – then it would be common sense to shut up about why it is that I am buying these particular razors – but I mean – this store clergy can’t affect my practical living at all – he’s just there to help me and probably doesn’t even care whether I use the razors to cut my wrists, or shave my cat – lol.

So – what can be concluded is that these gotdamn cultural ideas are so fucking limited, and they are being driven by embarrassment – and wanting to fit in; really – to fit in is obviously so boring that’s more a death-sentence than anything else – so that’s why I decide that I am not yet ready to die, and that I’d like to be able to go to the store, and be direct with the store clergy about what kind of razors that I need, and what purpose these razors should be designed to deal with – common sense!

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarrassed, and afraid of telling another, that I am going to use razors in order to shave my private parts, or my armpits, or my legs, or my breasts – thinking and believing that it’s “gay” and it’s “embarrassing” and “not accepted” to shave these parts – and that I must uphold a acceptable image to the world, and make sure that everyone thinks I am completely normal – and just like everyone else – so that I won’t ever have any form of critique directed towards me – anyone laughing at me – or teasing me; and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that I am compromising myself in wanting to fit in – and that obviously common sense is to not give a damn about this point of fitting in unless it’s for a practical common sense reason – but if it’s only because I want to FEEL safe, and FEEL like I am fitting in – I mean then it’s useless – and I compromise my practical daily living in order to have completely illusory momentary experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid, and embarrassed of walking into a shop and asking the shop clergy for any sort of product that is related to sex, sexuality, private body parts, or lust – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide these parts of myself – and present myself as if I am a completely devout Christian – in that I don’t participate in sex – and I don’t ever touch, or interact with any of my “bad” body parts – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this fear of showing, and presenting myself as having sexual intentions – in thinking that sexuality, and sex is something bad – and wrong – that should be done in secret, hidden, and stowed away somewhere where nobody is able to know about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it’s stupid that I have this experience towards sex, and sexuality – because I mean – everyone have sex – it’s not like I am alone in the world to have sex, or be sexual – and it’s not like I am the only male in the world that has ever thought about shaving areas of the body that is not the beard-area – I mean – it’s not really that big of a deal – it’s just that I’ve been programmed to have a relationship towards any form of point that is in relation to a body part that is connected to sexuality – that is founded upon shame, and embarrassment; and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up from this relationship within me, and allow myself to be free in expressing my sexuality – meaning that I don’t connect sex, and sexuality to shame, and embarrassment – but that I allow myself to walk, and participate in these points without fear; obviously not going to a point of being promiscuous – I mean – being disciplined, and principled in relation to sex, and sexuality is extremely important – that point I want to get at here – is that when actually interacting with any point that is sexually related – to then do so fully and not half-assed – hiding oneself in an experience of shame, and embarrassment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself to fit in – to as such create a censoring machine that is in my mind – that I use before I speak – so I always think about whether what I am to say is acceptable, or not – before I speak – within this fear that if I don’t have this censoring machine – that I am going not fit in – and that I am going to say things that others find stupid, ridiculous, and morally unacceptable; so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide, and compromise myself and my daily living – through wanting to fit in and be normal; not realizing that the consequence of this particular behavior, and way of living is that living will become extremely boring – and obviously I won’t ever do something that I want to do – because I’ll be to afraid of what others are going to think about it – thus living my life for others instead of living my life for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand – that I don’t have to live my life for others, I mean – others already have their own life, so why should they have my life as well? It’s better that I take my life – and live my life – and then others take their life, and live their life’s – and as such we all are happy, and we can participate in the points that we’d like to walk – without any compromise, fear, or desire to fit in – individual beings in the true sense of the word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it’s my cultural inheritance to judge sexuality – and to define sexuality, and sex as something bad, and shameful – as something that you shouldn’t participate within – but leave as fast as possible – and that one should deny that one participate in at all – I mean that is apparently the way to walk sex according to my cultural programming; and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question this programming – and to see that it’s nothing wrong with the sexual organs of the physical body – it’s nothing wrong to shave hair that grows on the body, regardless of where it grows – I mean – it’s so ridiculous – it’s simply a physical act that harms nobody – and still I hold unto this idea that limits me so much; so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create my own ideal in relation to sex, sexuality, and shaving parts of my body – in seeing that these are practical physical points and aren’t immoral, bad, or wrong – they are simply points of physical expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the children don’t give a damn about any cultural conventions as to what is acceptable, or not, to do with one’s human physical body – I mean they simply explore, and have fun – and that is the expression of the physical body – because there is no form actual physical badness related to playing with one’s physical body in various ways – it’s not harmful, it’s not painful – it’s physical movement; so as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to align myself to with childish innocence in relation to my physical body – and allow myself to stand in a relationship with my human physical body that is not based upon shame, embarrassment or fear

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I become afraid of revealing to another, such as the store clergy, being direct, and clear – in order to direct my world effectively – that I am want to buy a particular product because I am to shave my body such as for example within my private areas, and under my arms – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – this fear is RIDICULOUS – STUPID – UNNECESSARY – LIFE-DIMINSHING – HORRID ABOMINATION THAT SUPRESS LIFE-EXPRESSION – and within this I commit myself to ask directly for the product that I want, and to reveal the purpose that the product must be equipped and designed to handle; and as such stop this fear, embarrassment, and shame relationship to my sexuality, and my sexual organs – and allow myself to be free in this world

When and as I see that I am suppressing, and holding myself back – through speaking in such a way that I censor myself upon the basis of what I believe to be “acceptable” or “not acceptable” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point is driven by the fear of not fitting in – within this I must ask myself – but hey – is there really a practical need for me here to fit in? For example in the store – is it essential for my survival to fit in with the other customers – I mean in the case of the store – NO – it’s completely ridiculous – nobody even cares what type of razors that I am going to buy because everyone else is to much worried to present a picture perfect exterior of themselves; I mean as such – I commit myself to get back to reality – and be direct – and stop suppressing myself and instead be direct, and clear – and obviously within this discern my environment so that I don’t compromise myself – because in certain environments it’s better to shut up and be “normal” – such as for example the office, or the work – then it’s a practical understanding that fitting in is beneficial

When and as I see that I am withholding myself from sharing, and expressing myself, because what I am to say relates to sex, sexuality, or sexual organs – and I experience a fear of being judged, or ridiculed if I share myself on some of these points – then I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how this particular idea that it’s apparently shameful, and embarrassing to be sexual, or to have some sort of relationship to one’s sexual organs – is completely limited, and also unrealistic – because I mean – all human beings must have some sort of relationship with these points – it’s only that we go around and hide it because we’ve defined as somehow being “bad” and “wrong” – which is completely ridiculous; as such I commit myself to be clear, and direct – and share myself effectively in relation to these points – and not allow myself to withhold, and suppress myself due to fear, anxiety, embarrassment, and shame

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I Became a Thief for A Few Seconds

Yesterday as I went shopping with my mother I came to face an interesting part of myself. So, we where standing in the shopping queue and the cashier were registrating our groceries. I decided to go down to the end of the conveyor belt, on which our groceries slid down after having been noted; in this process I went through the ‘thief detectors’, those plastic pillars at the end of a shop, designed to react when a magnetic strip that isn’t yet deactivated by the cashier, is brought through, and obviously – the alarm went off.

Yellow light began to blink and a sharp sound went through the store. I was like, shit! Is this me doing this shit? But – I pushed myself to remain here as breath and instead of me being called to the counter – the guy next to me was called to report with the cashier. During this moment I actually reacted, but I was still able to, at least portray myself as calm – lol.

Then the moment of truth arrived as the cashier let of the man and he commenced to venture through the plastic pillars with no alarm going off – suddenly – I was the convict! So, the cashier asked me if I could go back and then enter through the plastic pillars again. As I did what was ordered of me, obviously the alarm went off, and suddenly this experience of extreme embarrassment started to raise within me – because now I was a criminal – the alarm had caught me and people now thought that I had stolen something; this was the thought pattern that went through my mind and in relation to this I felt very uncomfortable – and much like I wanted to hide or escape through the floor of the store.

But I still held myself together and I didn’t fall down upon the floor in shock as to this ‘extreme’ and ‘unexpected’ event occurring in my world. I proceeded to get myself out of this situation and so I ventured to the cashier that said to me: you probably have stuff in your pockets that make the alarm go off. This was when fascinating stuff began to happen – as I noticed that I didn’t really have any control over myself – it was like I acted in total survival autopilot – as I gave my wallet and key’s to the cashier, experiencing quite the ball of anxiety in my chest; instead of simply walking down to the pillars of plastic myself, removing my wallet and keys and walking through. It was like simply gave up all common sense and self-direction, as all I desired and wanted to do was to please this cashier and have her spare my life!

So, I gave her my keys and my wallet and she said – put them on the conveyor belt, which I did – and then I walked through the plastic pillars which where now pleased with my presence as they didn’t sound their alarm. I noticed that I feared to pick up my wallet and my keys lying on the conveyor belt, because I had been ordered to not do so, while I knew, that if I picked up my keys and wallets, now when I had received permission from the gods of plastic to exist as a free man, there was really no practical use of having my keys and wallets there – so I picked them up! And the event ended!

As it was all over I became amazed at how much I had reacted towards this point. I had reacted to the fact of being seen by others as a criminal and I had reacted towards authority through giving up all self-direction and simply following what another told me to do – in order to escape punishment. It was fascinating.

As I got home and applied self-forgiveness on the point I realized that I had separated myself from criminals, the outcasts of this world, seeing them as something shameful and inferior to the apparent ‘good’ citizen of this world – while in-fact the very existence of the ‘good’ citizen marks the creation of the ‘bad’ outcast citizen.

Thus – I realized that there is nothing immoral about stealing, there is nothing embarrassing about being an outcast, no-one is more good than me, or more bad than me – as we are all apart of and responsible for a system that supports the very existence of theft and becoming an outcast. There is no one that can be said to be moral, as either we are all moral – as we are collectively creating a system that supports everyone, or we are all immoral, as we collectively create a system wherein people are forced to crime in order to survive.

Thus – I stand one and equal as the criminal here – ending separation – realizing that if there is but one criminal, as a thief on this earth, I am as responsible for his life as he himself is – as I accepted and allowed myself to be apart of the very origin issue, as to why he became a criminal – a unequal money system!

This means that the solution to end crime and to have all people be ‘good’ – is equal money – as we end the polarity of have and have not’s and instead establish only have’s. Then morality will be real.

As to the point of authority – well – it’s a fascinating point. Seeking to be accepted, following orders without a second thought, only to avoid a possible punishment. It’s fascinating to see how automated these points are – and how much I’ve given up the ability to direct myself effectively, through wanting and desiring to have another direct me instead – within the belief that they are apparently more powerful than me; they are not! There are in-fact no authorities – there is but one authority and that is me. The fact that I perceive and act as if there are authorities outside of me – only shows to me that I’ve given up myself as self-authority.

Thus – I stand up as breath and I become the author of me once again – as the movement and direction in the moment that isn’t derived from fear – but from within and as the principle of what is best for all.