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Day 364: Developing Self-Reliance

The most recurring experience as of late has been fear – mostly fear of survival. I have been working diligently with the point and made some notable progress, there is however still a lot to be walked. One aspect of the fear that I have yet to transcend is that of fearing authorities and superiors that in some way have power to effect my ability to survive. Because they are able to influence, for example, my access to money, the fear seems to be justified and reasonable when it arise. Obviously, I am aware that this is not the case, though the fact that this experience exists within me does reveal an interesting point; that there exist a hope/desire to be taken care of and supported by authorities.

If a negative experience exists, which in this case is fear, then a positive experience will exist as well, and in this case that positive experience is security and feeling backed. Hence, for me, authorities have become a means of substantiating my own lack of self-reliance.

Apart from forgiving the fear, the solution I see is to develop self-reliance. For example, that could be done through pushing myself to take active responsibility for my work and career – and not in anyway accept and allow myself to rely upon my employer to secure my influx of money – but to make sure that I am a effective, that my skills are superior, that I am professional and able to offer a service that is needed. Thus I take charge of my own self-creation, planning and access to money, and remove the variable, of needing my employer to stand behind me as a point of security.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely upon my superiors and authorities to handle my life for me – and to blame them when things does not go the way I want – and to feel good and love them when things do go the way that I want – instead of placing reliance back where it belongs – with myself – and thus making sure that I do live in such a way where I direct my life – I create my life – and where it is not about relying on someone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being abandoned and judged by my superiors in fear of loosing my access to money and security, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to when I am able to please my superiors, to feel secure, safe and well cared for – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within a polarity in relation to my superiors, and the system, where I on the one hand love it, and on the other, fear it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is to stand equal and one with and as the system, with and as my superiors, to understand that in order to be stable within me, I require to take full responsibility for myself, my future, and my direction, and my actions at work, and to make sure that I am walking and creating my life in such a way that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to handle my own survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the system to deal with and secure my survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not strong enough, or developed enough, or ready yet to take responsibility for my survival – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for a parent and someone to care for me in the system – to seek for someone to be there for me and show me the way – instead of me taking full responsibility for myself and the direction of and as my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define myself as inferior to the system, inferior to my employer, inferior to survival, and thus believe that I cannot rely on myself, but that I need the system to stand beside me and support me – to be there as a father figure for me because I am not able to do it by myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear developing a real and sound reliance within myself – where I do not assume that things will work out and be alright – but where I take the appropriate actions to ensure that I move myself in a direction that is best for me and others in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system, my superiors, when things do not work out in relation to my survival, when I make mistakes, and fear arise, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I have created the pattern within me, that I have made the decisions and that it has nothing to do with the system, my superiors, my employers – in-fact it is a pattern I have developed where I fear taking active responsibility for myself – and I place my reliance out there into something else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to care for me, to support me, to be there for me, and to make my life secure and easy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to make my life comfortable, to give my life direction, to move my life in the ‘right’ direction, to secure my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that money is in-fact a dead object – that it is not something that can save me and my future – that is something only I can do for myself – and thus fact is that money is a tool – something that I can use that support myself – however that support will only ever be as effective as I am within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to ensure my future, to rely on money to walk my process, to rely on money to take care of me, to rely on money to make things work for me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this belief that money will take care of everything – it is just that – a belief – and fact is that real security, real safety, real direction and care will only ever arise from my own decision and movement to stand as and live those words actively within and as my life

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into either a fear or desire towards money, within the context of the belief that money can care for me, money will solve all problems, money will support me, money will ensure security and safety, I take a breath, I stop myself, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this is an illusion that I have created for myself – that in-fact money is only as effective as I am within myself – and that if I am not clear – stable and directive – then money will not support me – and thus I commit myself to take back directive principle – to take charge of myself and my life and actively move myself to care for myself, to solve problems, to support me and to develop security and stability in my life – as who I am – and more concretely – I commit myself to do that through continuously pursuing to make the best of my life – to look for and act on opportunities when they do arise – to push my writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and my in the moment correction – to develop a stability that stands through the difficult times

When and as I see myself going into either a positive or a negative experience in relation to an event to concerns my superior, as either feeling safe, secure and cared for, or feeling that my survival is threatened, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this polarity within me indicates that I have not yet developed self-reliance and self-standing within me – in particular in relation to survival and money – and that I still want someone to care for me – and thus I commit myself to stop – to breathe and bring me back here – and instead – in the moment – look at how I am able to improve, expand, develop myself and move – how I can learn from mistakes to become more efficient in survival and moving myself in my reality – and what I can further strengthen and improve that already works – to thus take active charge of my self-development and utilize my failures and successes to guide me forward and to improve myself

 


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Day 286: Fear Towards The Unknown

I stand before a decision, and in making this decision, there will be a level of ‘risk’ involved – and with risk – I mean that there is a potential that I will not be able to get what I want which might in turn create some difficulties in my life. What I have seen within this is that all decisions, all movement, regardless of what direction, it all involves a certain level of risk. Hence, life is in its very nature a risky venture.

Because life is itself risky, it makes no sense to fear risks, or to not make decisions because there is a risk involved. In trying to avoid all potential risks, what happens is that life becomes a routine motion of accepting the mediocre, and a life that is less than extraordinary, simply because one does not dare to make the move into the life one wants to have, because it involves the risk of failure. This is where I stand at the moment, and the decision before me, is whether I will push myself to take a risk, and in that give myself the opportunity to make my life so much better, easier, more comfortable, and more the way I want it to be, or remain with that which I know is less uncertain, that which I already know, and that which I feel secure within.

There is a desire within me to remain with the path I am already on, a path that is to some extent certain, because in doing that, I will avoid any potential of failure, and my life will remain the way I have grown accustomed to. However, in doing that, I know that I am compromising myself, my goals, my integrity, and my commitment to myself, to create my life, and not simply accept and allow my life to shape and form through external movements, coincidences, and by chance. Hence I see that I have a responsibility to myself to make this decision, to push myself in this decision that involves more risk, yet that holds more potential for me, and is more aligned with where I want to go in life, and with what I want to create.

Fear is a force that can strangle the potential for self-creation, and fear, always has a polarity, and in my case, the polarity of this fear is a feeling of security, and safety. This feeling of security and safety is something that I derive from having a stead influx of money – and without that steady influx – the other side of the polarity shifts into gear – fear. As such, I see that in order to be effective in pursuing the life I want to create for myself, I cannot accept and allow the feeling of safety and security, and neither the fear of the unknown, and the fear of being without money/survival – as both these polarities serve to chain me into a life that is not aligned with me and my utmost potential.

In the following – I will apply self-forgiveness on these two polarities that I am facing – and then re-create myself through placing self-commitment statements – clarifying for myself how I want to approach and live my life from now on.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to feel safe and secure – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that feeling of safety and security in relation to money – in relation to being liked and having comfortable relationships with people in my world where I feel that I have the support from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a sense of security in having money – and in knowing that I am going to have money – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus define security and safety in separation from myself – where I feel that I am always lacking these experiences/words – and that I have attain them through earning more money and securing myself in the world system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in relation to the polarity of fear of survival/not having money – and the feeling of feeling safe/secure in having money – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself as a physical being – with a physical body – directing myself HERE in the physical – and within this not accepting and allowing myself to be directed and moved by and within fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to create my life – I require to take risks – and I require to move myself beyond my comfort zones – and beyond what I am used to – and hence – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in my comfort zones and what I feel secure and safe within – not seeing, realizing and understanding that in order to expand myself and become effective in my life – I require to move myself beyond my zones of comfort and into self-trust and self-creation – seeing, realizing and understanding that I have the power to create and build myself regardless of where I am regardless of the situation that I am in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that fear literally sucks the life out of me – and that thus – in order to live a life that is full – I require to and must dare to move myself out of my zones of comfort – out of what I have always been doing and into a new way of life – where I try new things – where I push myself to do the things I see is best for me – even though I might be afraid of doing them and worried of what might happen – because I cannot easily control and foresee the consequences of my actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my actions will have negative repercussions – in that I will not be able to retain an income and survive – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my own survival – and fear that I am not going to be able to make sure that my life is financially stable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust in money and finances to ensure that my life is stable – instead of me placing trust in myself – that I make sure and push my life to be stable and effective – and that I thus do not accept and allow my movement and direction in life to be stifled and conditioned by fear of the future – and fear of not having money – as I understand that I create my life – not money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on small details, and because of that creating major consequences in my life that I am not able to foresee, or prevent, and through that making my life difficult, and hard to handle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to handle difficulties, and to be able to handle a life that is hard, and arduous, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to protect myself from any form of consequences – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry this big fear inside of myself – as the fear of the unknown – the fear of facing consequences in my life with regards to money and finances that I am not able to control and effectively handle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am weak and that I as such need to protect myself from financial consequences, believing that if this was ever to happen to me, I would fall to pieces, and not be able to pick myself up again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money, and fear being impoverished, and fear not having an absolute control over my future, and how things will play out in my life with regards to finances – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overly cautious and careful when it comes to making decisions, and moving myself in my life, fearing that I will make a miscalculated step, in that create consequences for myself that I am not able to deal with or correct – thus creating suffering for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unpredictable and the unknown

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself to be able to deal with and direct the unpredictable and the unknown

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not capable of directing myself in a pressured situation where I have no money – and no access to basic creature comforts – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to make decisions and be courageous when it comes to creating my life – in daring to go where I have not been before – and in daring to make decisions and push myself forward in life to walk paths and into directions that I would have otherwise not ventured into

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making an effort in creating and building my life – in fear that I am going to fail and that I am going to cause consequences for myself and others in my life – and hence – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to take the easy way out – and to go with what is certain and with what I know will work – so that I do not have to face any potential failures – and so that I do not have to face and walk a life that will be difficult and arduous – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I do not push – and vest myself in my life and in the life I want to create for myself – and thus risk something – I will never fail – yet I will either never be able to create the life that I want to have for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution to creating the life that I want to have for myself – and that I see is best for me – is to dare to take risks – to dare to go for what I want and to not accept and allow fear to get in my way and hold me back – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must also be willing to accept to potential failure – and the potential consequence – and within that – walk through the consequence – and not give up – yet continue to push for creating the life that I want to have for myself – and that I see is best for me

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fears of the unknown, and fears with regards to vesting myself in a future, and building a life for myself that I want, because I fear that it will not work and that I will fail, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that in order to win, and have success, I must be willing to fail, to make mistakes, and to not get what I want – yet within that – not give up on myself or my dreams – and continue to push myself forward – and thus I commit myself to continue to push for and create my life – to build and define my life in a way that is best for me – and hence best for all – and thus not accept and allow a life for me that is less than what is best

When and as I see myself going into fears and anxieties, that I might miss something, and due to a small mistake, create massive consequences for myself that did not foresee, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that mistakes and failures are unavoidable, and that it does not help to fear them, it does not help, because fear pacifies, fear makes me go into a standstill where I am not moving myself forward, and looking at how I can create my life, and rather it becomes about self-preservation, and that is not what life and living is about – and thus I commit myself to focus my life and me on self-creation – and self-expansion – and on building and creating the life that I want to have for myself and that I see is best for me – thus CREATING – instead of fearing

I commit myself to dare to invest in my life – to dare to have dreams and to follow through on them – to dare to make mistakes and fail – and within this I commit myself to stand up from my failures and mistakes and continue walking – to as such not give up – and trust myself that I will be able to deal with and direct myself even though things might get difficult and tough

2012 The Dream For A Job And A High Income

While walking a education in the university, you’re able to at every corner see the true meaning, and purpose as to the “why” you’re walking your education. The university and teachers want to present the idea, and belief that the university education is walked in order to “gain knowledge” – “learn to think critically” – “grow and develop your character” – but that isn’t true at all.

As I’ve walked my studies now, for quite some time, I’ve come to see that most students dislike their studies and find it to be boring – not many that I’ve met have been interested in “gaining knowledge”, neither “learn to think critically” or “grow and develop their personality” – yet still they have kept on studying relentlessly – why?

The answer as to why people choose to study at university is clear – it’s to get a job – and this complete obsession with getting a job is able to be seen everywhere in the student-world, in every student-magazine you can see the articles about: “how to get the right contacts” – “how to make your employer want to have you” – “how to nail the job-interview” – I mean it’s everything about getting a job. It’s in-fact everything about making money – and the fact that people mostly dislike doing what it is that they’re doing in order to get there – their studies – isn’t really considered at all, but that’s the reality of it.

Thus – if we look at this current set-up, as how we go to a university in order to get our exam, so that we can then get a job, and then make money – all the time not doing anything for ourselves, but only to be able to assure ourselves a future wherein we – at the end of the day – have sufficient with money – where able to see that something is very, very wrong – because what is that is missing from our lives, our direction, movement and our daily application? It’s ourselves!

And this is why our current money system is ineffective and abusive – because no matter what we do, we must always make sure that we take into consideration “having a job” – as in “having money” – and within this we compromise ourselves, as we do things we really do not want to spend our time doing, and we walk educations without ever having any real interest in our studies, and we arrive at jobs where we do not feel any passion towards what it is that we’re doing. This is the sickness of our current money system – of apparent free will and free choice – that in the end turns out to be nothing but a prison, and a limitation that constricts how we live our lives – because all we do is done for money.

And since we’re young and placed into school – we begin to follow – we follow what the teachers tell us – we follow what our parents tell us – and we learn to follow the money wherever it goes – and all the while we are following, we never stop to question what it is that we’re in-fact doing, and what it is that we are giving our time to, and why it is that we are doing what we’re doing – we simply seek that light, as the job – the money – at the end of the tunnel.

Obviously within such an application of ourselves the world will remain as it’s always been, as we will simply follow the money wherever it goes, we’ll follow the suggestions of the employer, we’ll follow the suggestions of our professor – because we know that this is how we’ll get our hands on the money – but what about ourselves? Why is that we automatically, and without any question, assumes that this is how life must be? How come we assume that we have no say in the movement of the world system? How come we think that we have no say in terms of how our current system should be designed and constructed, and how we should experience our lives within that? Are we brainwashed to see ourselves as incapable, inferior and useless in regards to changing this system?

I mean – there is something wrong when each individual that goes to study does so – not for the studies themselves – but in order to satisfy a future employer – there is no life in that – there is no living in that – that is instead a hidden form of slavery, wherein you give your life up in order to get to be bought, and “employed” – to perform the tasks you’re instructed to perform.

It’s so very clear that our current system doesn’t offer any type of real and actual freedom – there is no actual individuality – we’re all simply followers, that follow the money wherever it will go – and in that we give up upon ourselves, and we accept life as it is, because we believe there is nothing more, and that nothing can be done.

But there is an solution – and there is another way to live – a way in which all will be able to choose their life’s, choose to follow their passions, and in-fact live their life as a individual – as self-direction – instead of simply following the money. This solution is called the Equal Money System – and it’s main-purpose is to remove survival from the minds of men, and woman – so that we instead can place our focus upon in-fact experiencing, and exploring ourselves in this reality – and really getting to know ourselves. I mean, we’re so caught up in money and the survival game that we’ve never even explored ourselves in terms of what it is that we’d like to do, and how it is we’d like to do it – our life is since a very small age directed to become a part of this current money system – where we must do the tasks assigned to us – because else we won’t receive any money.

Thus – the Equal Money System opens up the opportunity for us to get to know ourselves – and to in-fact choose studies that we do because we’re passionate about our subjects – not because we’re following the money.

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