Tag Archives: employment

Day 353: Self-Forgiveness On Fears In Relation To Money and Employment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the more money you have the more valuable you are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rich people are more valuable than poor people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rich people are more intelligent than poor people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that poor people are stupid

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having more money means that I am successful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that owning a lot of things, having a lot of money means that I have done something good and worthwhile with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my clarity and direction become clogged and limited, due to the desire to have more money – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have more money so that I am able to feel safe and secure in this world – not seeing, realizing and understanding, that the only way that security can be created in this world, will be through giving ALL people a dignified and proper life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive towards and desire to have my life become more through having more money – and in this forget and not care about what others are going through – and how my desires and wants influence and ripple into this world – creating consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that I cannot possibly create and have a comfortable lifestyle, only for myself, and then not care at all about the rest of this world, as fact is that, I am part of this world, and on a deep level within myself, I will always be aware of and know the atrocities committed on a daily basis, and that in order for me to find peace, I must will myself to act

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to create and give myself a purpose that involves more than only myself – as I see, realize and understand, that this way, I will be able to truly let go of my fears, and my personal desires, that only creates more consequence than pleasure, and that I can thus find peace in striving to create something for the many that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the system for granted, and completely trust the system to work, to be there for me, to function, and that as long as I am loyal and give myself to the system, then I will be rewarded and given the necessary resources to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being loyal to the system in fear that the system is going to exclude me and that I am not going to be allowed to be a part of the money system – and have access to money – to stuff, products, entertainment, things that I can use to pass my time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the system and distrust myself – to believe that the system is more powerful than me – and that in order to survive – I must devote myself to the system and give myself – my future – my life to the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being devoted to the system – in fear that this is going to be seen and that I will be rejected and pushed away from the system – excommunicated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear money – and to believe that money is more powerful than me – and that I must serve money loyally or it might strike down upon me with a vengeance

When and as I see myself going into, and experiencing a fear towards the money system, as in fear that I will become pushed away and excommunicated, I take a breath, I stop myself, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this fear within me is holding me back from living fully – that I am not allowing myself to trust myself and live and create as what would be best for me – thus I commit myself to breathe through my fear – and then push myself to live my full potential as what I see is best for me – and best for all – and stick with my self-honesty and self-trust – and not accept and allow myself to loose my direction and deviate because of fear

When and as I see myself going into fear towards my superiors, towards someone in my environment with a higher position in the system, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself, holding myself back, and accepting and allowing irrational believes to control me, not seeing that I am equal and one – that there is no difference between me and someone with a higher position in the system – and thus I commit myself to push myself to live equality – to stop fears and anxieties and express my genuine being and self-expression – and to not accept and allow myself to suppress and hold myself back due to fear


Learn more about this way of living:

Day 286: Fear Towards The Unknown

I stand before a decision, and in making this decision, there will be a level of ‘risk’ involved – and with risk – I mean that there is a potential that I will not be able to get what I want which might in turn create some difficulties in my life. What I have seen within this is that all decisions, all movement, regardless of what direction, it all involves a certain level of risk. Hence, life is in its very nature a risky venture.

Because life is itself risky, it makes no sense to fear risks, or to not make decisions because there is a risk involved. In trying to avoid all potential risks, what happens is that life becomes a routine motion of accepting the mediocre, and a life that is less than extraordinary, simply because one does not dare to make the move into the life one wants to have, because it involves the risk of failure. This is where I stand at the moment, and the decision before me, is whether I will push myself to take a risk, and in that give myself the opportunity to make my life so much better, easier, more comfortable, and more the way I want it to be, or remain with that which I know is less uncertain, that which I already know, and that which I feel secure within.

There is a desire within me to remain with the path I am already on, a path that is to some extent certain, because in doing that, I will avoid any potential of failure, and my life will remain the way I have grown accustomed to. However, in doing that, I know that I am compromising myself, my goals, my integrity, and my commitment to myself, to create my life, and not simply accept and allow my life to shape and form through external movements, coincidences, and by chance. Hence I see that I have a responsibility to myself to make this decision, to push myself in this decision that involves more risk, yet that holds more potential for me, and is more aligned with where I want to go in life, and with what I want to create.

Fear is a force that can strangle the potential for self-creation, and fear, always has a polarity, and in my case, the polarity of this fear is a feeling of security, and safety. This feeling of security and safety is something that I derive from having a stead influx of money – and without that steady influx – the other side of the polarity shifts into gear – fear. As such, I see that in order to be effective in pursuing the life I want to create for myself, I cannot accept and allow the feeling of safety and security, and neither the fear of the unknown, and the fear of being without money/survival – as both these polarities serve to chain me into a life that is not aligned with me and my utmost potential.

In the following – I will apply self-forgiveness on these two polarities that I am facing – and then re-create myself through placing self-commitment statements – clarifying for myself how I want to approach and live my life from now on.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to feel safe and secure – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that feeling of safety and security in relation to money – in relation to being liked and having comfortable relationships with people in my world where I feel that I have the support from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a sense of security in having money – and in knowing that I am going to have money – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus define security and safety in separation from myself – where I feel that I am always lacking these experiences/words – and that I have attain them through earning more money and securing myself in the world system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in relation to the polarity of fear of survival/not having money – and the feeling of feeling safe/secure in having money – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself as a physical being – with a physical body – directing myself HERE in the physical – and within this not accepting and allowing myself to be directed and moved by and within fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to create my life – I require to take risks – and I require to move myself beyond my comfort zones – and beyond what I am used to – and hence – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in my comfort zones and what I feel secure and safe within – not seeing, realizing and understanding that in order to expand myself and become effective in my life – I require to move myself beyond my zones of comfort and into self-trust and self-creation – seeing, realizing and understanding that I have the power to create and build myself regardless of where I am regardless of the situation that I am in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that fear literally sucks the life out of me – and that thus – in order to live a life that is full – I require to and must dare to move myself out of my zones of comfort – out of what I have always been doing and into a new way of life – where I try new things – where I push myself to do the things I see is best for me – even though I might be afraid of doing them and worried of what might happen – because I cannot easily control and foresee the consequences of my actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my actions will have negative repercussions – in that I will not be able to retain an income and survive – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my own survival – and fear that I am not going to be able to make sure that my life is financially stable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust in money and finances to ensure that my life is stable – instead of me placing trust in myself – that I make sure and push my life to be stable and effective – and that I thus do not accept and allow my movement and direction in life to be stifled and conditioned by fear of the future – and fear of not having money – as I understand that I create my life – not money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on small details, and because of that creating major consequences in my life that I am not able to foresee, or prevent, and through that making my life difficult, and hard to handle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to handle difficulties, and to be able to handle a life that is hard, and arduous, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to protect myself from any form of consequences – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry this big fear inside of myself – as the fear of the unknown – the fear of facing consequences in my life with regards to money and finances that I am not able to control and effectively handle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am weak and that I as such need to protect myself from financial consequences, believing that if this was ever to happen to me, I would fall to pieces, and not be able to pick myself up again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money, and fear being impoverished, and fear not having an absolute control over my future, and how things will play out in my life with regards to finances – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overly cautious and careful when it comes to making decisions, and moving myself in my life, fearing that I will make a miscalculated step, in that create consequences for myself that I am not able to deal with or correct – thus creating suffering for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unpredictable and the unknown

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself to be able to deal with and direct the unpredictable and the unknown

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not capable of directing myself in a pressured situation where I have no money – and no access to basic creature comforts – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to make decisions and be courageous when it comes to creating my life – in daring to go where I have not been before – and in daring to make decisions and push myself forward in life to walk paths and into directions that I would have otherwise not ventured into

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making an effort in creating and building my life – in fear that I am going to fail and that I am going to cause consequences for myself and others in my life – and hence – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to take the easy way out – and to go with what is certain and with what I know will work – so that I do not have to face any potential failures – and so that I do not have to face and walk a life that will be difficult and arduous – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I do not push – and vest myself in my life and in the life I want to create for myself – and thus risk something – I will never fail – yet I will either never be able to create the life that I want to have for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution to creating the life that I want to have for myself – and that I see is best for me – is to dare to take risks – to dare to go for what I want and to not accept and allow fear to get in my way and hold me back – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must also be willing to accept to potential failure – and the potential consequence – and within that – walk through the consequence – and not give up – yet continue to push for creating the life that I want to have for myself – and that I see is best for me

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fears of the unknown, and fears with regards to vesting myself in a future, and building a life for myself that I want, because I fear that it will not work and that I will fail, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that in order to win, and have success, I must be willing to fail, to make mistakes, and to not get what I want – yet within that – not give up on myself or my dreams – and continue to push myself forward – and thus I commit myself to continue to push for and create my life – to build and define my life in a way that is best for me – and hence best for all – and thus not accept and allow a life for me that is less than what is best

When and as I see myself going into fears and anxieties, that I might miss something, and due to a small mistake, create massive consequences for myself that did not foresee, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that mistakes and failures are unavoidable, and that it does not help to fear them, it does not help, because fear pacifies, fear makes me go into a standstill where I am not moving myself forward, and looking at how I can create my life, and rather it becomes about self-preservation, and that is not what life and living is about – and thus I commit myself to focus my life and me on self-creation – and self-expansion – and on building and creating the life that I want to have for myself and that I see is best for me – thus CREATING – instead of fearing

I commit myself to dare to invest in my life – to dare to have dreams and to follow through on them – to dare to make mistakes and fail – and within this I commit myself to stand up from my failures and mistakes and continue walking – to as such not give up – and trust myself that I will be able to deal with and direct myself even though things might get difficult and tough

Day 217: Fear of loosing my job

Fear of being FIRED – this a point that came up today and I will look closer on it in this blog.

Thus – for context: I’m working a distance job – and in order to register the time I’ve put into my work I log on to a website and type in what service I’ve given and for how long. This usually performs without any hiccups – yet today – there was suddenly an issue – I couldn’t log in to my account.

This then triggered the thought within me of: “Oh no! I’m probably fired! They don’t want me anymore!” – and this initial thought was fueled by some memories of how some weeks ago I didn’t perform a certain service as effectively as I was able to do. Thus – fear came emerged – and then the train of thought continued.

From the initial thought of “Oh no I will be fired” it then progressed into imagining what kind of effects this could potentially have for the rest of my life and career in this type of business – would anyone ever hire me again after? Could I still use this employer as a reference when I applied for new jobs, or would only be able get a statement saying “Under no circumstances should you hire this person!” – thus an entire life panned out in my head – with apparently vast and disastrous consequences for my future.

So – it’s interesting to see how fear works, and also how the mind use various strings of information to tailor a story that seems reasonable – and that is intended to entice more reactions – more fear – more anxiety – thus making some in reality totally unrelated events – completely interdependent and life changing.

Though – the matter of fact is that I have NO idea why I couldn’t log in to register my times. I’ve no idea what my employer thinks of me and how he considers the work that I’ve done with regards to the mistakes I made some weeks ago – my entire image of fear is based on one thing – ASSUMPTION – and even though it would be real – it’s a total exaggeration that my entire career and future in this business would be forever destroyed – I mean – if that would be the case – that you could only ever do one mistake in your career before you’re shunned from the entire system of money – then NOBODY would have a job – and NOBODY would be able develop their career – because failure and mistakes are a natural and unavoidable part of living.

Rather – an effective way of handling this situation would’ve been to breathe – and await the response of my employer – to see what the problem might be – and if it’s indeed so that I’m fired – to then start looking for solutions and how I can direct the situation – finding what ways and opportunities I’m able to utilize to move forward instead of going into a paralyzing and unnecessary fear that doesn’t do me any good in terms of handling what is before me.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear that I will loose my job and loose my income – and loose my future in terms of money and career – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and exist within and as a state of worry that I will not be able to sustain myself and those closest to my in my coming life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine and project before me a worst possible outcome – where I project this idea that I will have a enormous difficulty attaining a job – and I will probably not be able to sustain myself in this life and create a career for myself – because I’m not able and sufficiently effective to satisfy the needs of a potential employer – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards making money – and developing a career for myself in the system – and believing that my entire life is and will be dependent upon this point of me getting effective referrals from this particular employer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see things in black and white – to believe that failing in this one job will have disastrous consequences for my entire future – and that there will be nothing I’m able to do in order to correct and direct the situation – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear – in-fact a form of self-distrust – thinking that I don’t have the necessary skills and abilities to deal with and direct my life in a effective manner – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to fear – instead of standing stable within and as my human physical bodybreathing – and directing myself to deal with my life here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this inner polarity with regards to money and work – where I on the one hand foresee a future where I’ve the perfect employment – the perfect job – the perfect life overall – and on the one hand – me having no job whatsoever – and that it’s impossible for me to find a job and create a living for myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize my future through seeing it through two extreme outflows as either extremely positive – or extremely negative – as either having the perfect life – or having the least desirable life that can be lived

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I can’t make a career – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in having a career – to place value in having a job and in earning money – and believe that the amount of money that I earn – and the position of the job that I have will determine who I am – and it will determine my effectiveness in this world with regards to creating my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my creative powers in relation to money and job – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that my creative powers will not be limited by the job I have – but that I am the determining factor as to how I will stand in relation to self-creation in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through believing that I’m only as good as – and only as effective as the amount of money that I have – or the type of job that I have – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’m severely limiting my prospects and possibilities through defining all of myself and my creative potential in relation to the type of job that I have and the amount of money that I earn – instead of bringing the point of creation back to and as myself – and seeing, realizing and understanding that it will be up to me to create myself – that it will be up to me to fulfill myself – that it will be up to me to make the decisions as to who I am and what I will create with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pan out in my mind this long story of how me loosing this job will affect the rest of my entire life – that it will limit all of my options and my continued existence severely and that there will be nothing I can do about it – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this perspective of life is in-fact totally ineffective – how it’s also not true – because I will be here with myself all of my life – and that in every moment – every day – there are possibilities and opportunities and gifts for me to expand – for me to move myself – for me to create myself and my life – and that thus – I can’t hold unto this very limiting idea that apparently all of my and my future will be determined by these external events – rather I see, realize and understand that I must trust myself – and realize that I am the creator of my life and not my job and not my money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I would enter into a future consisting of the worst case scenario – that I would be hopeless and helpless to change and alter the situation – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I will be able to change and direct my life – and move my life in an effective direction and look for solutions – to walk into solutions and ways to solve problems – and that this is a ability that I can cultivate and always have with me regardless of how things play out in my life – and that I know that I will steadfastly walk to find solutions – not flinch or hesitate or give up – but rather say to myself that I will move – I will direct myself – I will walk through this and create my life regardless of what I’m facing

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into fear towards the future, because I fear that I will face a future where I loose money and career, and opportunities, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I determine my future – that I decide my life – that it’s not my career, my job or my money that will be my primary assets – it’s WHO I AM – and thus I commit myself to in that moment stop – and say – okay if I face this future – I will stand by myself – I will continue to walk and I will find solutions – and I will not give up upon myself or my life – I will instead motivate myself to create myself and realize that I’ve the power to do that

When and as I see that I am going into fear and anxiety over loosing my job, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that loosing my job is possible in this world – though that shouldn’t be what determines who I am – and what I do in this life – because obviously the primary point of creation in my life is WHO I AM – it’s who I decide to be and approach life and situations that I am facing – thus I commit myself to embrace the possibility that I might loose my job – yet in that stand stable – and say to myself – and live the point – that if I do – I trust myself to direct my life to find a solution that is effective and best for all – to not give up or give in to fear – but to move myself and establish myself in life

Day 190: Remember The Context!

Recently I’ve had several occasions when I’ve gone into a state of paranoia and fear due to perceiving and believing that someone dislikes me – and this is usually triggered by for example: Someone looking at me with a stern face, or me asking something that is not answered, or someone not paying attention to me in the way I perceive to be correct.

What happened yesterday was that I in class stretched my hand up in the hopes of my teacher picking me to answer one of his questions – though that didn’t happen and instead someone else got the honor of answering. The first place that my mind went to was that there was something wrong with me, that I’d done or said something wrong, that the teacher thought I was stupid, or that I’d somehow offended him, and this was his revenge. Obviously – the fascinating point here is that all of the above ideas are inferred from the one premise that ‘It’s about ME!’ – it’s PERSONAL.

Though, I can’t possibly be sure precisely why my teacher didn’t pick me to answer his question, and even though his reason was that he didn’t like me, why should I accept and allow that to have an affect on my presence and expression in school? I mean – I am not in school to get positive feedback from teachers – I am there to learn and educate myself in various subjects – and the more effectively I’m able to fulfill that purpose the better.

This is also an interesting aspect of taking things personal – that when we take things personal we become forgetful of the purpose or context of an event or moment. An example would be work – and the interaction with colleagues – because what I’ve noticed with myself is that suddenly the social life of the workplace starts taking precedence over the work I produce – and how others are towards me and how I personally experience myself comes into the foreground – not seeing that the context or purpose of being in employment is to effectively direct and move a particular point to completion (production).

Thus – the social life should obviously be in the backseat – and be there more as something that is done at breaks or when a project has been finished – but not be the main point that defines my entire experience and movement in a particular employment.

The same with school – the same with listening to my teacher – I am not there to be liked or establish social circles – I am there to learn – and I should rather establish my network and relate to the teachers from this perspective – looking at what will enhance and quantify my learning and comprehension of the material – it’s from that starting point I should move.

What I am able to see is that I require working and going deeper into this aspect of giving value to social life – and what others think of me – realizing that when I do this – I compromise the actual purpose of why I’ve placed myself in a particular point or position.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when my teacher doesn’t assign me to answer his questions – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my educational environment personal – to make it about me personally – to make it about me wanting and desiring to have friends and to be liked by others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain within the actual purpose and context of placing myself in that particular position – which is to educate myself and learn – and not to be liked – not to win – not to gain favor from the teacher

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize myself within and as the purpose and context of why I’ve placed myself in a particular point – and realizing that when I am at work – I am there to produce an effective and precise product – and I am not there to gain friends or to be liked – the same with my teacher – that I am there to learn from him and acquire a particular understanding and comprehension of a subject – not to be liked and to feel favored by him – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personally – and make things personal – instead of remaining objective and aligned within and as the context of the moment and the purpose of my position

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional and make things personal in school – and at work – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone is ignoring me – or not paying attention to me the way I want them to – as being enthusiastic and enjoying me – to then take it personally and react – and think that they are being mean to me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately go into and as a troubleshoot mode – wherein I am trying to locate what is wrong with me – what is at fault with me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s not about me personally and that what another do or doesn’t do – is not reflecting that there is something wrong or bad with me that I must immediately correct

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being flawed and inferior in my expression – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone seems to dislike me – and ignore me – or not pay attention to me as I want to – to then believe that there is something wrong with me that I must immediately attend to and direct and make better – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make myself better so that others are going to like me – so that I can feel more at ease and comfortable with myself – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am able to give that point to myself – of accepting and allowing myself to like and love myself – and be at ease and comfortable with myself – without necessarily needing anyone to like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I push to get attention from another – and then I am seemingly being ignored – to immediately go into thoughts and backchat of thinking that there is something wrong with me – and wonder what mistake that I’ve made in order to make someone dislike me this much – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it doesn’t even have to be about me – and that when I go into this troubleshoot mode – I am working with assumptions and ideas – and not the actual practical physical reality that is here – and thus I commit myself to stop such troubleshooting mind pattern – and see that it’s in-fact a form of self-judgment

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a state of taking it personally, believing that someone dislikes me, or doesn’t want me in their world – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I don’t need or require anyone to like me, appreciate me, or feel pleasured by me, I instead require stable and sound relationships so that I can walk through my days effectively and handle my responsibilities – and thus what is important is that I direct my responsibilities and my life – that I commit myself to my studies – my work – and my other points of responsibility – and that I align and direct myself from this starting point; and thus I commit myself to stop taking things personally – and instead look at the context of the moment and the purpose of my position in that moment – and align myself to go in that direction and thus not make my relationships with other emotional – but rather practical and supporting what I’ve set out to do and create in life

Day 159: Up For Review

Today I am going work with a reaction I had in relation to the following situation: I had turned in an assignment for review with my boss and was hopeful as well as anxious about the results – when I got it back I became disappointed because there were some mistakes that I felt was unnecessary – and I also felt that I’d failed my boss and that I should’ve done better – along with this also came up some fears in relation to employment and becoming seen as less valuable on the job market and therefore not being able to sustain myself with money in this world.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I turn something in to my boss, or turn an assignment in at my school, or interact in some way with the system wherein I do something that will at a later stage be evaluated and given a mark, to in that hope, and desire that my product will be accepted by the person receiving it, and that I will receive praise, and approval

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with others about getting the most approval for something that I’ve turned in, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self-value, and self-worth in relation to whether or whether not I am approved, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad, and feel disappointed, and miserable when and as I don’t receive the approval that I hoped that I would

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define whether I am satisfied with my application in regards to a point, or not, on the basis of whether I am approved or not approved, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependent upon another saying to me that what I am doing is good, for me to trust myself to walk that point, and apply myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for approval and positive stimuli before I move myself and act – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait with trusting myself and relying upon myself before someone says to me that I am approved and that what I’ve done is good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire that my efforts at my work and in my school are to be recognized and that I am to be deemed a resource and not a liability – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define for myself whether I am satisfied with me and my efforts on the basis of whether I receive approval for what I’ve done or not – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my efforts and my work, and studies to be about getting approval, instead of me producing a point that I am satisfied with and that I know is an expression of myself – that I’ve put the necessary attention and detail into for it to be a cool product

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to will myself to make a product perfect in fear that I won’t be approved, instead of pushing myself to make a product perfect because it’s something that I want to do for myself, that I want to make sure because I enjoy to push points in my world to perfection and not accept and allow myself to produce points that are less than what I am a capable of – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not will myself, and push myself to at my work, and with my studies, participate from a starting point of – I am doing this for and as me – as an expression of me – and not to receive approval or praise from another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt, and worthless when and as I receive feedback on a product that I produced and it’s revealed that I’ve made some mistakes, and that the product isn’t as effective as was expected, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my stability, and groundedness in relation to work, upon whether I am approved or not, and whether the work I do receives praise or not, instead of founding my stability and groundedness within and as each and every breath I take here – wherein I am not influenced or affected by whether another likes, or dislikes what I’ve produced – I simply take it as feedback and push myself to be more specific and detailed in my work – as an expression of myself – wherein I won’t accept and allow anything that is less than my full potential

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a state of stress and hastiness at work, or in relation to my school work, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I commit myself to breathe and practice moving myself naturally with and as my human physical body in the pace of the physical – and focus on producing the most effective work that I am capable of – not because I want to be recognized – but because it’s an expression of an as myself – and the work that I produce is thus myself

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to the feedback I receive from others in relation to my work, and my school work, and instead push myself to become the best I can be in relation to the work I produce as an expression of myself – wherein I do it as a commitment that I make to myself to be the best that I can be in this life and live to my fullest potential

Day 110: Fact or Feeling?

I am currently listening to an interview series called “The Crucifixion of Jesus” – and the topic is wants, and how we from want create fears.

The pattern goes like this – we first state that we miss something, after that we go into a state of wanting that thing, and after that we go into a fear of loosing our want, and this is something I can relate to in regards to careers and money. Because, for quite a long time I’ve been wanting a specific career path, wanting a specific type of job, and within this I’ve gone into a fear, and anxiety that I won’t be able to attain and get this particular position.

So, I am in this blog going to look closer at this particular point, of how I create wants, and then go into fears about not being able to attain those particular wants, instead of creating a direct relationship with a want, and creating such a point in practical reality, through practical living, and not through utilizing any form of fear, anxiety and nervousness.

In relation to this particular point, with career, and money, another point is worth to be mentioned, and that is the point of how I tend to dream, and imagine things to happen in the future, and within this create wants, but not really having a clear and actual understanding of the practical point that I am actually desiring and wanting. For example, in regards to careers, I’ve wanted to have this specific career-path, yet in looking at the point for what it is, looking at the information that is out there describing this particular career-path, I am able to see that what I hoped that this would, is in-fact not real – and thus the job in it’s actuality is not in-fact in anyway resembling the want existing within me, because the want is merely a energy, and a experience, connected to particular fantasies, and it have nothing to do with reality in-fact.

Thus, within this I see how important it is to remain practical, and to make sure that within one’s decisions, that one take reality into consideration, and act according to what is practical, what is physical and what is real, and not according to how one feel about a particular point, because the feeling, it’s simply not real, and it doesn’t actually show or describe what is real – it’s just that – a positive feeling one have about a particular outcome or result, but with no understanding of what that outcome or result actually represents.

The most effective way to walk in this life, is to walk without creating any form of feeling attachment towards one’s external reality, because in walking like this, one will be able to act and make decisions according to what is real.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider points, and make decisions as to what I am to do with my life, and how I am to live my life, according to energy, according to feeling and experience – instead of looking at the reality of the situation, and looking at what is in-fact here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire, and want points from a starting point of how I feel about them, instead of making a decision to manifest and create a point into my life and reality, because I see that it’s common sense, I see that it’s effective, and I see that it benefits me on a practical physical level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk in my life, to direct myself in life, to make decisions, and to consider points, from a starting point of how I feel about them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in relation to career, create a particular positive energy towards a particular career path, and want and desire to walk this career path, without making the actual research as to what this career path entails on a practical and physical level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a career decision without first researching what a particular career path implies on a physical level – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind to direct me in my life, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this particular way of moving myself in life is not at all effective – because what happens is that I make decisions and then I have no clarity and context as to the actuality of what the decision implies, I just make the decision and then hope it’s going to turn out as I desire and want – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – stabilize myself here within and as breath – and as such make decisions from within and as a starting point of what is practical – and not from within and as a starting point of desire or want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it’s obviously not in anyway practical or relevant to who I am, to make decisions according to how I feel about points, simply because it doesn’t matter in terms of my physical existence and experience of myself – because what matters – what is relevant – is my physical existence and world – is what is here and what I am able to touch and cross-reference and make sure for myself is in-fact what it is; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change my way of looking at this world and the various opportunities within it – from feeling to instead looking at what is practical – relevant on a physical basis

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a want, from within and as stating within me that I don’t have that particular thing, I miss that thing and apparently need that thing to complete and fulfill me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead make a decision from within and as a starting point of what is practical – what is relevant – where I see that a position in the system would be effective for me to go into; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and accept and allow myself to push myself to work with what is real – and not work with what is here from a starting point of feelings and emotions as experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am in-fact making completely irrational decisions when I accept and allow myself to move and direct myself from within and as a starting point of feeling and experience, instead of looking at what is here – looking at what is a physical actual reality – and thus moving myself from the research that I’ve made and that I can cross-reference with another to be accurate and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from within and as a starting point of want, and desire – as feeling that I need and must have a particular outcome in my world else I will somehow not be fulfilled and I will be missing out – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am in-fact limiting myself extensively through holding unto this particular idea of how I must move myself in my reality – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to move myself practically here – to realize that the dreams, fantasies and imaginations that come up in my mind – they are in-fact no relevant as they do not show me a proper and relevant picture of reality and thus are not reliable in terms of utilizing these as sources upon which I base my decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that regardless of what career-path I decide to walk, the point that will remain the same is who I am here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that a particular career path doesn’t define who I am, doesn’t create who I am, doesn’t make me – it’s simply something that I do at the time-being in order to ensure that I have a sufficient amount of money at my disposal so that I am able to walk my process internally and externally and bring forth and create a money system that is best for all – wherein I won’t anymore have to hunt for money but where money will be here at my disposal and I such can utilize my time to things that are more important and relevant than hunting for my survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all career-paths in the system are in someway limited, and that regardless of what path I choose, none will be completely fulfilling and effective, because that is not how the current system is structured; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger, frustration and despair at the fact that I will have to in a way “lock myself into” a particular position in the system to make money to survive – instead of realizing that this is nothing to react towards – it’s simply how the system currently functions – and thus in order to walk my process this is what I must align myself with and direct as myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a reaction when I stand before a point, as a career-path, wherein I realize that in order to walk this career-path I must dedicate and put down massive amounts of time, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear and anxiety towards the point of loosing my time, loosing out on my life, and loosing out on my self-interest as my freedom to do what I desire and want in my life, at any time when I want; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – bring myself back here – and see, realize and understand that in order to become a part of this system – I must embrace and walk in the system – for a moment – and that this is obviously nothing bad or wrong, it’s simply what it is – and thus I walk in the system while I at the same time make sure that I dedicate my other time to the point of creating a new system that will be best for all – so that I do not anymore have to spend so much time assuring my survival but that my survival will be a given

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I want to make a decision in regards to my future, in regards to career, and in regards to what I should do with my life, upon the basis of a want, or a fear – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that motivating and moving myself from this particular starting point as fear is obviously completely ineffective – because common sense dictates that a feeling or a fear can’t in anyway show me what is the best decision as it’s not based on a factual research; as such I commit myself to make decisions upon the basis of actual research as researching the actual physical points that are here – and not walk and move myself in accordance with how I feel

When and as I see, realize and understand that I am looking at a point from a starting point of a emotion, or feeling, such as wanting, desiring, or fearing – and I am about to make a decision – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that a decision can only be effective when it’s based on the REAL facts – as the facts that are proven – and that a imagination, a fantasy, or a dream, can’t be used to make an effective decision as these points are not real; as such I commit myself to take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and make decisions, move myself, and direct myself in my life, in accordance to proven facts, and not in accordance to how I feel and experience myself in relation to a particular point

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Day 105: What is Real Value?

Today I got a call wherein I was invited to a job-interview at a particularly renowned employer. As I received this call I reacted in nervousness and fear, and I could see how I was beginning to project fears as well as hopes in regards to what might happen in the future in terms of my career.

What I am able to see in the nature of the thoughts is that I am placing value outside of myself, and I evaluate myself according to status and position in the system, wherein apparently if I attain a good job, I am good, and if I attain a bad job, I am bad – and this point I’ve walked through in subsequent blogs but in relation to my exams – though the same principle applies here.

I would say that this is one of my primary programs, the desire to become something for someone out there, the desire to get recognition, be seen, and be noticed – and through my life this has taken on many shapes and forms but the primary origin point has remained the same – that I want to become something, and prove myself.

I’ve recently read a fascinating book, discussing the psychology of human beings, and in particular how to be liked by others – now it’s interesting that one of the points that are pushed is that, in order to be liked by others, you have to give them recognition, you must show them that they are important – fascinating isn’t it? I mean, is it so that we’re all walking around in this life, attempting and trying to be approved by those around us? Attempting and trying to gain some form of response from those around us, and believing that when we achieve this positive response, we apparently gain value?

Another interesting point mentioned in this book was how people build their self-esteem according to their status in the system, and as such it’s much easier to be accident harm the ego of a low wage menial worker, than for example of big shot CEO – because the big shot CEO has got higher thoughts of himself and aren’t as easily wounded. So, this would then imply that our self-esteem is built up in relationship to how much money we’re making – I mean, isn’t this as well absolutely fascinating? That we build the character of ourselves based on how much money, and what type of position we’re able to achieve in this world, and then basing our entire expression, and movement of ourselves on this idea?

Obviously this limited to the utmost extent, and often it’s men that tend to limit themselves through defining themselves in relation to their career, and their choice of profession, shown by the fact that there are so many men becoming depressed, and taking their lives, when they do not have a job and no access to money through a salary.

Thus, what I see I must do is to push this point of standing in the system but not being of the system – getting a effective job in the system but not defining myself according to the job – making sure I have a stable access to money but not defining myself in relationship to the money – thus walking in this world but not being of this world; it’s really such simple common sense yet still hard to put in practical application due to the severe brainwashing I’ve gone through in my life.

Also, it’s interesting to see, that when this type of self-definition exists, fear comes as a consequence, because now one fear to loose one’s self-definition, fear to loose that job because who would one be without it? To be really effective in this world, it’s required that this limitation is released – so that one can make practical effective decisions here without going into any form of fear and anxiety – being HERE and remaining practical – NOT walking through the mind and being at all times lost and possessed in various preoccupying fear experiences – because fear SUCKS – literally.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I get a job at a renowned company, I will increase in worth, and become more than what I’ve been before – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the job I have, or the job I am about to get – and to believe that the amount of money I make defines who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not release myself from, and remove any and all emotional attachments that I have towards money, towards employment, towards position, and status in this system, and to see, realize and understand that only in unconditionally letting go of this point, and allowing myself to become stable in all contexts and in all situations, with not a single movement within me, wherein I am able to have any job, and have any form of money without a reaction, I will be able to be effective and directive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that regardless of what job I have – they are all in their very origin the same – I mean, all jobs consists of doing something with one’s human physical body, and within that all jobs are equal; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and evaluate jobs as having different value, and to define myself according to the value of these jobs – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and experience anxiety in relation to having a low-value job – believing that this will define me, and that unless I am able to achieve a so called high value job, then my life will have a low value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a slave to attempting and trying prove myself to others, attempting and trying to gain and achieve some sort of response and recognition from others, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself, hold myself back, and make myself inferior in my mind, believing that I need to walk around in this world constantly looking for ways that I am able to impress others, believing that this is how I gain and achieve a value – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as self-value – to not stand as self-love – to not stand as self-appreciation – self-enjoyment – and to see, realize and understand that I do not require to play this game of looking for recognition but that I am able to live practically, physically and be in this world but not of this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider and define myself as requiring to achieve some sort of recognition with others, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dedicate my life towards trying and attempting to be loved by others, seen by others, valued by others, appreciated by others – instead of accepting and allowing myself to stop this search for recognition and instead ask myself – who am I here? What is that I want? How is that I want it? What is practical? What isn’t practical? And within that focus on this point of pushing and establishing an effective physical living for others and myself in this world that isn’t driven by a desire to be accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that I need and require acceptance from others, that I need and require recognition from others, that I need and require to be accepted and acknowledged by others, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I am through holding unto this idea limiting myself – and that really I do not require such a point from others – I do not require to become something, to be acknowledged as something, to be regarded as something, to have others feel about me in some way – it’s not a practical physical dependency it’s simply a mind-job – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize myself here within and as breath – and walk my life from a starting point of practicality – as walking in this world but not being of this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that the only way I am able to build a life for myself in this world is through having others recognize and value me, is through having others see me, be impressed with me, and acknowledge me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally let go of this limitation, to realize that physically I need to have a home, I need to eat, I need to drink water, I need shit – and I mean – those points are physical needs – but I do not in-fact require recognition, I do not in-fact require and need someone telling me how good I am, how effective I am, how strong I am, how important I am – that is nonsense of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as nonsense of the mind instead of pushing myself to remain stable, physical and effective here in every moment of breath – and realize that this is real worth, this is real value, this is real and substantial – it has an actual importance to me on a physical level – because when I accept and allow myself to remain stable here – all of my life become so much simple, so much more clear, and so much more effective on all levels; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that what is of actual value and worth is what is physical, and is what I develop physically here as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the point of what is actual value, and to believe that value is to be noticed by another, that value is to be respected by another, that value is to be acknowledged by another, that value is to be heard by another, instead of realizing that this is not real value – this is merely experiences, merely energy and not an actual physical substance that I can touch – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that value is energy instead of realizing that energy is not really value at all – but what is of value is me living physically effective here in every moment of breath

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I make a decision, or react, in relation to wanting others to see me as important, valuable, and give me recognition, and have me be seen by others, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that is not real value – this is not a real point – it’s merely an experience and that I want to base my life on a experience; as such I commit myself to realize that real value is here in every moment – as I make a decision to be here with myself – to remain stable and directive and not go flying of into my mind reality

When, and as I see that I am going into and as a experience of wanting to achieve and be successful in order to make others notice me, and value me, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am within doing this, limiting myself extensively, holding myself back, and making myself a victim to energy, or rather, making myself give up my life in favor of energy; as such I commit myself to take a breath, bring myself back here – and instead of valuing and giving attention to energy – give myself as the physical attention and value – realizing that the physical represents real and actual value

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