Today I noticed an undefined experience of heaviness within me, and I am in this blog going to go deeper into this experience, define it, and then release it through applying self-forgiveness.
Firstly, naming the game, what is this experience? For those new to the process of working with and investigating the inner workings of the mind, it’s important to understand how important this step is, because if you haven’t defined what you’re experiencing, you can’t deal with it. Thus, what is it that I am experiencing?
I would say that this experience is a form of fear, an underlying and constant experience of fear – and what I can see is that this fear is in relation to the pressure of living in the system – or to be more precise, the pressure I create within myself as fear due to the uncertainty and unpredictability of living in this current world system, wherein my entire world is completely dependent upon one thing to work – which is money.
It’s fascinating to look at how prominent this experience of heaviness is, and how it’s a direct consequence of how we as human beings have designed our world system. What’s even more interesting is that I am in this current world system placed in a fortunate position, which means that I do have a somewhat predictable life, I do have a access to money, I do have access to education, and I’ve been able to place myself in such a position in my life where my future in many ways is predictable, and is so to speak secured. Yet still this experience exists within. Then consider what people are going through that live on the outskirts of the system with absolutely nothing, wherein they do really in-fact face a completely uncertain life each day, where it’s not in anyway predictable whether they will have sufficient with money to buy themselves even the most basic necessities needed to sustain the human physical body.
Just imagine the pressure of living such a life, waking up each morning not knowing whether you’ll be able to eat or not – and look at the consequences this creates in our world – where does all crime originate? Where does so much of the unnecessary violence and harm done on a daily basis come from? It’s all due to our socio-economic background, all coming from the simple point of money and whether we have access to it, or not.
Obviously, in this blog, I am going to push myself to take responsibility for this fear, and this pressure I’ve connected to living in this world system, because the fact of the matter is that we can be in this system, but not of this system – we can walk this world with no fear – we can stand stable and unwavering regardless of what we face – yet to get to this point we require to shed the layers of programming that we’ve allowed ourselves to become subject to, and what I see in my own programming, is that most of my fear comes from what I’ve been taught by my parents – that I must fear the system – I must remain invisible, and hide away in some corner, so that I won’t be detected, and so that I can just live out my life and hope for the best – that I will survive.
The ultimate solution to this point is a new monetary and economic system, wherein all are given sufficient with money, so that this pressure point can’t exist within anyone – and there is a proposal for such a system, which I suggest that you investigate called the Living Income Guarantee.
Unfortunately, we’re not quite there yet, so thus I will walk the self-forgiveness on this fear of living, this pressure, so that I can get myself back into this physical reality – and instead of spending my days in fear instead act to move points, so that we do not require anymore to live in a world system that sucks the life out of existence.
Thus, the first point, as I showed above is to define the particular pattern, name the game, the next point is to ask questions and to within that dig deeper into the point – thus: why is it that I experience this pressure in relation to life in general?
What I see here is that I fear uncertainty, I fear unpredictability, because this implies I have no control – and no control implies that anything can happen – I can’t foresee what is going to happen, and how it is going to happen – and this scares me because I believe I can’t be stable in a position of having no control, which implies that I’ve defined my stability within myself according to how points move in my external world – and I mean in this case that would imply MONEY – that I’ve defined my stability within myself according to how MONEY moves in my world – instead of realizing myself as stability HERE – standing as stability HERE regardless of how the point of money moves in my world, realizing that money is a tool that I can use, but not a point that defines who I am because that is a decision I make.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stability according to money, and to believe that without money I can’t be stable, and to believe that the amount of money I have, the amount of property I own, what career I have, the amount of salary I earn each money, defines my stability – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to define myself as stability, and to as such make the decision to not accept and allow myself as stability to be determined by any external point such as money
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I will only fear not having control if I’ve placed some form of value in having control, if I’ve somehow defined myself in relation to having control – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not come to terms with, make peace with the fact that I do not in-fact have control – that this world is unpredictable and uncertain and that reacting to this fact doesn’t in anyway change the situation – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push this point of standing in the system, but not being of the system, realizing that what I do in the system, and in this world doesn’t define who I am – that the amount of money I have doesn’t define who I am – but that I define who I am in each and every moment of breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize my relationship with money, so that this is in all ways a practical relationship, wherein I see that I need to have money in this world in order to sustain myself, but wherein money doesn’t define who I am, and that me sustaining myself in this world doesn’t define who I am – but that I instead stand in this world, but not of this world – I walk my career, I walk my points of managing, and earning money – but this doesn’t define me as I define myself here in every moment of breath – I decide who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value into having control, to place value into the feeling of safety and security, and think, perceive, and believe that this particular experience of safety, and security is something that I need in order to be stable here with myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as stability to a feeling – thinking and believing that without me having this feeling of positivity, of feeling comforted, of feeling secure, and hopeful, that I am okay – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this is obviously not so – because the obvious fact is that what I feel doesn’t in anyway correlate to what is real, and what is physical, and what is here – it’s just a feeling – it’s just a experience – and nothing that I am able to trust
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that what I am able to trust is every moment HERE – is that I am here in this very moment, and that I am able to in this very moment decide who I am, to decide how I live, to decide where I stand, to decide myself; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back HERE in every moment of breath, to realize that only HERE is real – that only this moment here is what I am able to fully trust because it’s in-fact proven that I am here in this moment, which I am able to cross-reference for myself in every breath through being aware of myself interacting with my physical reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can trust the physical, meaning, that the physical is always here, the physical is consistent, the physical is perseverant, the physical is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, and it doesn’t change – and as such I see, realize and understand that the solution is to practically equalize myself to stand one and equal with and as the stability of this physical reality – because obviously this physical reality doesn’t accept and allow itself to have it’s experience of itself change due to money – but money is simply to this physical a world a matter of practicality and nothing more
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stability as having a house, as having a family, as a having certain outcome in this life, as a life path that I can follow – such as for example following in the footsteps of my father – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear anything that is new, to fear anything that I can’t control, to fear anything that I can’t foresee, and to fear making decisions wherein I can’t be absolutely certain on what the outcome of the decision will be; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to exist in fear instead of standing equal and one to and as the physical, equal and one with and as my body, and to live HERE in every moment and not go into fear of living, fear of being here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my life as a constant state of pressure, wherein I feel pressured to live in this world, pressured by the fact that I know that if I do not have money, I can’t survive, pressured by the fact that I know that if I do not have a job, I will not have money, and thus not survive; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself believing that I must experience myself in this pressure, and in this constant of fear – as fearing what might happen – instead of realizing that I can stand stable, clear, and directive in this fucked-up world system – and not accept and allow myself to be influenced by the uncertainty and unpredictability of this world currently functions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into pressure and stress in regards to my school, in regards to my studies, in regards to exams, fearing the point that I don’t have absolute control, and a absolute foreseeing as to how my life will evolve in terms of career, and money as points that flow from my education, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make peace with the fact that control is illusory, that predictability and certainty is illusory, because in this world those things in a absolute level doesn’t exist – they are merely ideas, merely experiences that I’ve defined myself in relation to; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – to take a breath and to stabilize and equalize myself with that which doesn’t exist in fear – which is the physical – which me standing here and living as one breath – walking and dealing with this ONE moment here – and not accepting and allowing my mind to project me into any form of dream or future projection or hope
When and as I see that I am going into a state of pressure, and a state of fear, as a fear of not having control, and not having a certain outcome in relation to my life, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of wanting to control, of believing that there exists control and certainty in this life – it’s not real – it’s not valid – and that the only point I can in-fact trust is this moment HERE – and the fact that I am here – and HERE I can make decisions – HERE I can direct my life – HERE I can make a difference for myself and the rest of this world – but that can’t happen when I exist in a illusory state of projecting myself in to my future; as such I commit myself to push and discipline myself to remain HERE in every moment of breath and to let go of control – to let go of the feeling of security in relation to money, as feeling that I must have a certain future to be stable – and I commit myself to instead live that stability here in every moment of breath – as a decision that I make
When and as I see that I am going into a state of anxiety, fear, and pressure, because I am worrying about money, and how my future will look like in relation to money – I immediately stop myself, and I see, realize, and understand that I can only work practically with my physical relationship with money in this moment HERE – it’s thus HERE I can walk a point to prepare money for me and make sure that I will be able to sustain myself in this world – it’s thus HERE I can establish skills, and a network for myself so that I can sustain myself in this world – it’s HERE I can work with what is in-fact my life which is this physical real reality; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here to my human physical body and work directly with what is here – and within this see that fear is in it’s very nature – useless