Tag Archives: energy

Day 406: How To Make The Most Out of Weekday Evenings?

Yesterday when I got home from work I was tired and a bit moody – and this resulted in some unwanted developments in the domestic realm. Hence – in this blog I want to break down for myself who I want to be when I get home, and what I can do to support myself while at work and when I get home to remain stable. Because one thing I find to be clear, how I react and experience myself when I get home after work, usually have nothing to do with what happens at home – rather it has to do with energies and experiences that I have went through at work that I have not yet sorted out effectively.

So, what can I do when I get home to support myself to remain stable and to act in common sense, especially when it comes to assisting and supporting my spouse in household chores? One thing that I am able to see, is that my physical experience many times has a thin veneer of tiredness, meaning that, on the surface, I experience myself as tired, and as wanting to rest, while on a deeper level in my body, I still feel very much refreshed and ready to move myself when I get home. And – lest not forget – it is important for me to step in and assist and support with household chores even though I have been at work – because when a baby comes into the picture – many things changes – and both partners will have to step up their acts in order to continue to have a functional household.

With this I want to say that there is a POTENTIAL for me to break through that surfaced tiredness and access the physical energy still here and latent in my body – and that it is within my responsibilities as a husband and father to make that push when I got home – so that I can contribute in the household and interact with my daughter in a supportive way. Obviously – even though I feel tired from a day at work – it is when I get home to my family that I do have the opportunity to develop, deepen and strengthen the most intimate and close relationships that I have in my life – and if I accept and allow myself to feel tired/used/exhausted – I will miss those opportunities.

So – what can I do to push through my tiredness? The one simple action that I see I must take is to MOVE myself – because usually when I MOVE myself – I will be able to bring myself through that veneer of tiredness and back into my physical body – where there is still a lot of energy left to be used. Hence – this experience of tiredness is rather more of a habit than an actual physical condition. Thus taking action and moving myself – participating in taking care of the household and my kid – that is a solution – a way that I am able to push myself to walk through this limitation that I have created for myself.

Then – another important point – what can I do when I am at work, and when I am working to assist and support myself to remain stable, to be physically rested and stable when I get home? Here – what I have noticed is that when I move SLOW at work – when I take time for breaks – going out for a walk – talking with some colleagues – eating a couple of sandwiches when I get hungry in the afternoon – then I will function much better – and with this approach I am able to preserve my energy/stability throughout the day. And it is similar to fast and slow carbohydrates – with fast carbohydrates all energy is expended speedily and intensely resulting in a hasty movement – while slow carbohydrates nourishes the body with a steady and slow stream of energy that can be utilized for a longer period of time. While working, if I work intensely, focused and speedily for many hours in a row, without a break, without listening to my body, I will expend myself faster. Hence – to support and prepare myself to get home in the evening – I will SLOW down at work and practice listening to and caring for my physical body throughout my day.

Lastly – who do I want to be when I get home from work? Who do I want to be, what is the example that I want to live in front of my child? I want to live STABILITY and COMMON SENSE – and stand within and as the insight/understanding that physical energy is not something that disappears only because I go to work – and that it is about WHO I AM within what I do – not necessarily about WHAT I DO that makes all the difference. Thus – while at home – I want to contribute to the household chores, assist and support my daughter and develop my relationship with her through active participation – and thus – not accept and allow any surfaced tiredness to throw me off balance and into a state of ‘trying to recover’ for the bigger part of my evening when I get home from work.

Hence – the word that I see I can live to support myself when I get home from work is MOVE. It does not have to be more complicated than that.


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Day 288: Who is doing more? Who is doing less?

During my week off I did some physical work on the farm where I live, and I did that together with my brother. It was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed the process of using my body to move myself in the physical. In working like this with another I had one experience that was recurring, and it was the experience of a form of discomfort, fear, anxiety coming up within me. This experience originated from thinking about whether I was doing more work than my brother, whether my brother was going to stop working, whether he was slacking, or whether I was slacking. There was a supervisor existent within me that compared, measured and analyzed the various efforts of the involved persons, trying to answer the question whether the work was divided equitably or not.

So, from where does this pattern originate? What I see being the core point is the idea of fairness, and the fear of things being unfair. With siblings fairness is a big deal, and when things are not fair, the same for all siblings, then what tends to happen is that fighting ensues. The problem with fairness as a concept is that it does not take into account the variables of life, and the fact that persons have different needs, wants, preferences, personalities, lifestyles etc. For things to be fair, it must be the exact same for everyone. All must do the same type of labor, put in the same hours, get the same recognition, have the same responsibilities, and so on. However, because life is not the same for everyone and because everyone is not the same, the concept of fairness is bound to clash with reality.

The fear of things not being fair includes a fear of me being fooled/deceived into doing more than others. As with the idea of fairness, this fear is bound to create problems and limitations when coming into contact with reality. For example, in holding unto the fear of doing more than others, what tends to happen is that I do not do what I am able to do, and I do not put into the hours, effort and precision I could have, because, what if I then do more than others? However the fact is that, in order to really stand and be effective in this world, I require being willing to do more than others, and to put in that extra effort even though nobody else is doing it. That is why it is called being an example, because such a point of integrity and drive has not yet been established as the norm.

Life is not fair, which is completely natural, and that is because fairness is a abstract mental concept created within and as energy, and experience, and not through actual consideration of what is here in this world – not through actually considering how this world functions – and not in consideration of what is best for all. That point of consideration, what is best for all, must be the primary point of movement and consideration, and what is best for all does at all go with the concept of fairness.

Hence, a redefinition of the word fairness, where this point is taken into account would be as follows:

Dividing responsibilities, tasks, or resources, in a way that is practical and that makes sense for everyone involved

With this redefinition of fairness, it is not anymore about who is doing more, or who is doing less; it is about, what is practical, and what makes sense. And in living this redefinition, the fear of doing more than another cannot be allowed to exist, because that will again initiate an ineffective way of looking at and handling reality, where it becomes about checks and balances, instead of looking at what is practical and makes sense for everyone involved.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing more than another, and fear that I will be used, and abused, to have to do work that I feel is rather someone else’s responsibility, and that it would be more fair if someone else do it instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with and as the concept of fairness, with meaning that everyone should do the same, and to the same extent – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I cannot accept and allow myself to build my self-movement on wanting things to be fair, as that will only lead to me doing the minimum amount, and then expecting others to do the rest, instead of actively living in such a way that benefits others and that creates outflows that are best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to do the same as me, and expect me to do the same as others, instead of accepting and allowing myself to be more flexible, and in this see, realize and understand that life does not follow the concept of fairness, life is not the same for everyone, and hence, attempting and trying to enforce a concept/ideal of fairness unto reality will inevitably cause conflict, and consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid labor and responsibilities, and do the least amount possible, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be used if I take on responsibilities and actively move myself to do what I see is practical and best for everyone involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to when I am asked to do something, to immediately reference my idea/definition of fairness, to see whether I think that it is fair or not, whether I feel that it is equitable or not, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is not an effective way of approaching reality, and that it is not an effective way of creating/forming/building a society/life that is best for all – because in doing that I require to see beyond what is fair and equitable and instead look at what is practical/best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in keeping checks and balances, in viewing my life from within and as giving points to every action, or inaction, I am limiting myself, and clouding my view of reality and what is REALLY here – because instead – all of what I see is checks and balances – thoughts and inner conversations of whether I have done more or someone else have done more than me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – bring myself back here – and push myself to be aware of what is really here – what makes sense and what is practical instead of my inner checks and balances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want things to feel fair and in this not consider what is practical and what makes sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want things to feel fair and as if everyone is doing the same job and nobody is forced to do more – instead of looking at what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not genuinely care for others, meaning, to in-fact care that others have the best life possible, and are truly able to enjoy themselves, to pursue and live a lifestyle that supports them to reach their utmost potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about myself and my sense of fairness – instead of caring about this physical reality and what is here in the flesh

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about whether I feel that I am doing as much as others are – and not care about what is practical and what is best for all involved participants

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about my feelings and emotions and not about what is going on here in reality – and thus I see, realize and understand that for a decision to be what is best for all – it must be based on what is physical – what is reality – what is HERE and that cannot be argued or debated

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am looking at my reality from a vantage point of checks and balances, weighing the contribution of everyone, who does more, who does less, etc. I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in doing that, I am not giving birth to a living that is the most supportive and practical for all involved persons, and to do that, I require be HERE in the physical and look at what is practical and makes sense – and thus I commit myself to let go of my balances, and instead place my attention on what is physically going around in my world and move from that starting point

When and as I see that I am placing my focus on a feeling of fairness or a emotion of unfairness, when it comes to responsibilities, or receiving resources, or similar, then I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that what is best cannot be confined or defined within such limited experiences as fairness and unfairness – and that to see and create what is best – I must let go of self-interest and see reality without bias – see clearly all the various participants and the physical momentum – and thus I commit myself to develop and learn to see and assess my physical from a unbiased vantage point – seeing everything for what it is – and making a decision from that point – hence pushing myself to let go of self-interest and instead do what is best for all

Day 167: Addicted to Goals

Lately I’ve faced some very intense reactions and these have primarily been based on perceptions, ideas and hopes for my future, and in that, an attempt to control what is to come in fear of what might come if I don’t. It’s been interesting to observe my mind and how it works when I am faced with these type of situations.

Let me give you an example, the context of the situation I faced was that certain variables in relation to a plan that I’d made up for my future changed, and accordingly the outcome of the plan change – now I had not clear ‘goal’ anymore. In relation to this there was two points that came up with the most force within me, and the first was that: I’ve wasted my time walking towards this goal! And the second was: What goal should I take upon myself now?!

So, here I am going to expand on this second goal, because I’ve found it fascinating how I really felt in need of a goal, of a plan, of a future outcome, of some type of projection into the future, for me to be motivated, and feel as if there is a meaning and purpose to me moving and directing myself in this moment here. Obviously, the common sense is that a plan is simply a plan, it shouldn’t be more than a plan, and it shouldn’t control me, rather, I should be able to control the plan, make adjustments, and fine tune whenever possible.

I’ve defined this particular character as the goal-addiction-character – and I’ve also realized that this is probably one of the most prevalent mind-patterns that exist in me, as well as in the rest of society – it’s this experience of a drive to get THERE instead of walking HERE to get there.

So, what is this drive then, what is it that makes me feel so secure, comfortable, and at ease when and as I have a plan that I am able to hold unto, and use to direct myself with in my life? Well, for me it’s a sense of security, and an experience of control – it grounds me because when I have a plan I feel that I know where I am going, whereas when I don’t have a plan I feel lost and don’t know what to do or how to do it. Though, even though I don’t have a plan, it’s quite obvious that I don’t have to feel lost, and without foundation, because the point is that I should be that foundation for myself, I should be and stand as that trust within and as myself, and it shouldn’t be something that I must find either in a plan, or in something such as a profession, hobby, or particular direction in life – I should simply stand as that point unconditionally – that stability: that regardless of what happens in my life I know one thing: I remain here – I stand here – I continue walking – and I continue pushing myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use plans in order to stabilize myself and create a perception of safety and security within me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to without plans, goals, and desires, and things I want to reach, and establish, that I am helpless, directionless, and without purpose – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not found my self-trust on me standing with myself in self-honesty in every moment of breath and thus not accepting and allowing myself to have my life be dependent upon me having a plan in order for me to be stable and move myself throughout my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within and as a goal-addiction-character that plays out in such a way that I will continuously fantasize and imagine about things that might occur in the future, and things that I might be able to do in the future, and what I might create, the jobs I will have and the career, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about the future, and within this not notice that when I do that there is a energy of adrenaline coming up in me, a excitement, and that it’s this point of energy that I am addicted to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change this addiction, through accepting and allowing myself to become addicted to life, and become addicted to living here with my physical body, to living fully in every moment of breath and not anymore accepting and allowing my presence to wander in my mind in regards to the future, but rather make a practical plan, and then stick with that plan, and not anymore accept and allow myself to formulate future decisions on the basis of adrenaline, on the basis of energy, on the basis of ‘my experience’ – ‘my feeling’ – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base the trust in my decisions on the point of how much positive energy I feel in relation to them, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the more energy I experience in relation to a decision, that the better the decision is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that the more energy, the more feelings I experience in relation to a particular imagined future, that the better that particular direction is, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this premise, and see that my future visions are mostly based on images, based on ideas and assumptions of what is to come, and based on how I’ve related experiences to particular symbols, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I am able to take those symbols back to myself here, and create myself as those symbols, as living words, and practicing living these expressions that I see I’d like to manifest for myself, here with myself in my breath, with and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all my future projections reveal parts of myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to practice living, walking and standing as HERE within and as my day to day living – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize these fantasies to investigate myself and see what it is that I am not yet giving to myself, and that I am hoping I would be able to get in my future; thus – I commit myself to investigate and define for myself the words purpose, passion, authority, stability, and excitement – because I see realize and understand that the nature of my dreams and fantasies are such that they show me what words it is that I am not yet standing as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require fantasies in relation to my future to have a interesting life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my day to day living as being predictable, as being filled and obstructed with patterns, and routines, and think that I am not able to live and participate in this world and reality, because I require some form of entertainment to make it worthwhile – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I require an energy, a movie reel playing out in my mind for me to be able to be satisfied, and at ease with myself, not realizing that satisfaction and ease of being, is in-fact a develop and created expression, and something that I must design, create, walk and live for myself, and not something that I am able to wait for another to do for me, or that I can hope fantasy will lead into

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that fantasies are more real than this physical life, and that it’s better to have a positive future in mind rather than living here, because apparently it’s to difficult, to hard, and to much of an effort to go through my life here in this physical world, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as this state of constant resistance, and fighting, and trying to defeat, and deflate this world, in believing that it’s out to get me, and utilize fantasies and imaginations as a method of escapism, a method of coping, trying to get through my life, and my daily physical responsibilities – instead of accepting and allowing myself to embrace what is here, to learn to direct and walk with what is here without reacting, without creating resistance, without judging, and as such developing myself to be an effective being able to move in the moment and direct what is here

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into the goals-addiction-character, I stop myself and I bring myself back here – and I commit myself to change this point through bringing myself back here and becoming aware of my environment and what my life is HERE in this moment – to focus myself back on my daily responsibilities, on what is here with me in this moment, and the sensations of my physical body – and within this I see, realize and understand that my life is HERE and that I create myself HERE and that my future is the potential of what I am able to live and create myself as HERE in this moment

When and I see that I go into fear, and anxiety, and feeling directionless because I don’t have a plan or a goal, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I commit myself to align myself HERE – and to realize the direction is HERE, that stability is HERE, that self-trust is HERE, and that I am able to walk and face my life without knowing precisely what is going to happen and how it’s going to happen – and as such face and walk through my life from within and as a starting point of self-trust – and thus I commit myself to develop self-trust – in placing my trust in myself and not in future projections, goals or plans – and bringing myself back to the simplicity of walking in every moment here and directing and creating my life in every moment here

Day 146: Giving Me A Me-Moment

I was recently shown a point about myself, and here I am going to delve deeper into it.

So, the point is in relation to how I don’t accept and allow myself to through-out my day take these me-moments, where I take a short break or pause in what current responsibility I am involved within, and allow myself to for example, play with the cats, or talk with my partner, play some guitar, go outside for a while and take some sips of air.

The reason as to why I am not accepting and allowing myself to do this is because of anxiety, or more clearly put: I actually don’t even notice, or see that there is this movement in me that I’d like to have a me-moment, because I am in a state of anxiety, and in a state of ‘getting there’ – ‘doing that’ – ‘producing results’ – actually I am driving myself throughout my day utilizing anxiety as a fuel to produce results and to apparently get me somewhere.

Now, this is obviously not working very well, and the consequences of such a behavior, of being constantly on-point, constantly moving, working, pushing, focusing – being in but ONE state of being all the time as that of a spear-headed movement forward, is that I will become burned out – I will hit the wall so to speak. Thus, I see that I must practice giving myself those me-moments, I must learn to tune in with myself, and when I do my work, and I am pushing, and I am pressing forward, that I still accept and allow myself to take those small breaks, those moment where I go and do something just because – its fun and I enjoy it – and I find it relaxing.

Its important that I give myself these moments, because I am going to, if everything goes according to plan, be here on this earth for quite a while, and thus I must see to it that I care for myself, and care for my body, and that I accept and allow myself to move consistently, yet still give myself those needed breaks, where I just do something, because its comfortable, its nice, and it rejuvenates me and enables me to go back into focus-mode – and get done what I was walking.

Thus, the practical correction I want to apply here is that of living the word balance, and to move myself through-out my day in a pace that is slow and steady, to not over-do certain points, but to do them in such a way that I still have time for me, time for just being and doing something pleasurable, and within that shift my attention for a moment – so that I don’t get stuck in this fast and speedy way of living – where all that matters is that I go forward; slow and steady wins the race.

When moments arise in my world, where I feel that I’d like to have a break from what I am doing, or I feel that I’d like to go and play the guitar, pet the cats, take a walk, cook some food, do something pleasurable, and enjoyable – I commit myself to give me that me-moment – unless its crucial that I finish up and walk through some commitment or responsibility that I have taken upon myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself those moments in my day, wherein I let go of what I am doing, and I allow myself to go and do something that I enjoy, such as for example playing with the cats, or talking with my partner, or playing some guitar – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto an idea of time effectiveness – wherein I think, perceive, and believe that my effectiveness with time is equal to how much time I spend on a particular point, instead of realizing that for my time to be effective, I must as well be effective, and I can only be effective when give myself moments of me-time – where I for a moment let go and allow myself to do something for no other reason but that I enjoy such a point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck within and as a idea in my head of what it means to be effective, and to use time effectively, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of anxiety that I will waste my time, and that I will not utilize my time to its fullest potential – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in holding unto and living from such a starting point – I am in-fact making my time ineffective – I am creating my fear – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself within and as the natural flow of my day – and participate in points coming up without existing in this state of anxiety that ‘I must save my time’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of anxiety, and fear that I am going to waste my time, and that I am not going to move myself properly to take care of my responsibilities, and commitments, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in holding unto such a fear, I am creating that very fear, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, and move through my day within and as self-trust, wherein I participate, interact and move myself within and as my responsibilities and commitments, not from a starting point of fear, but from a starting point self here – where I am here – present and moving myself in every breath to walk the points and direct the points that emerge here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of distrust within myself, wherein I believe that unless I motivate myself with fear and anxiety, nothing will get done, nothing will move, and nothing will become the way I want it to become, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value, and see, and define fear as my main point of motivation, instead of accepting and allowing myself to stand as my own point of motivation, and trust that I will get done the things I set my mind to – and that I’ve already proven to myself that this is the case

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I let go of fear, that there won’t be any motivation within me anymore, that there won’t be any resolve within me anymore, and that my life will stagnate, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this is in-fact an idea, how it’s a perception that I’ve created, and that it’s not real – because what is real is that physical movement only requires physical energy, it requires a decision, and then I move myself according to that decision, and in that there is no fear energy required, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the fear energy, and accept and allow myself to motivate, move and direct myself according to the plans I’ve made for myself, according to what I see is practical and a priority, and as such not anymore drive myself through and as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the consequence of driving myself within and as fear is that I will burn myself out, and that I will create physical consequences for myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be disciplined in stopping this fear, and each time that it comes up as a motivating factor, to take a breath, and to bring myself back here, and align myself into and as my physical body, and make the motivation of my movement, myself, wherein I stand as the motivation, I stand as the movement, I stand as the direction, I live the direction, I live the movement, and I as such do not require any energy to push my ahead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be alert and aware as to these movements coming up within me, that I’d like for example to play some guitar, talk with my partner, be with the cats, or go out and take a walk, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress these movements within me, instead of being aware of them, and giving myself such moments, seeing, realizing and understanding that in giving myself such small moments of self-expression, I am in-fact nurturing and stabilizing myself, which will in turn make me much more effective in all of my other responsibilities that I hold in my world and reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself these small moments of expression, these small moments of me taking some time and simply enjoying myself, and expressing myself within and as a particular point, and I see, realize and understand that giving myself such moments is in-fact an investment that I make in myself, and that these small moments will support me in standing more firm and effective in other areas of my life

Self-commitments

I commit myself to give myself moments of me-time – wherein I do something that I enjoy to do – for no other purpose or reason but that I enjoy to do it; and I see, realize and understand that in giving myself these moments of expression I am supporting myself, and solidifying, and strengthening my stand in other areas of my life

I see, realize and understand that my general experience of myself is a holistic creation that involves who I am throughout my day, and that its not sustainable to only work, to only focus, to only labor, and push, but that I also require to give myself some moments where I break of my routine and do something that I enjoy – because I see, realize and understand that in order to be effective in my commitments and responsibilities – I need to care for and nurture myself, which I am able to do – through watering myself – watering here implying that I give myself these moments of enjoyment, pleasure, and unconditionally being here with myself

I commit myself to not stress through my day, and be anxious to move faster – and I commit myself to slow down and move within and as presence of breath – and see, realize and understand that I am only able to do what I am able to do in a breath – and that stress and anxiety is wholly unnecessary; thus I commit myself to move in the pace of the physical – in the pace of breath – and in the pace of my natural physical express

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Day 100: Stop The Fear

After having studied for my exams today I experienced myself physically tired and exhausted and I am sure that this has something to do with who I am within my studies, how I study, in what state of presence and mind I am when it is that I am studying.

What I can see is that I am often going into a stress and nervousness, and the mechanics of this is quite simple, is that I project myself into the future, look at how much I think I have to do, read, and study, then go into a fear that I won’t be able to do all of these tasks that I’ve projected into the future, and that accordingly this will cause me to fail on my exam.

Another interesting point that relates to this is how I tend to want to study more, take more courses, take more educations, and when I look at where this is coming from, I can see that also this is arising from a sense of fear, a sense of panic and anxiety, wherein I will do everything I can possibly do in order to ensure my security, and my financial stability. It’s really quite absurd, because in walking and applying myself in this stress and anxiety, what I am doing is that I am really destroying my physical body, creating harmful consequences for myself, and in a way, this way of living will result in me becoming “burned out” so to speak, or “walking into the wall” – wherein I simply push to hard without considering that I must actually tend to, and listen to my physical body, and that it’s simply detrimental to go into anxiety, and fear to and towards the various challenges and hoops one face in this worlds, wherein exams are one of those.

The point I must continue to work with is thus fear of survival, and I must within this push myself to be much more specific, because it’s obvious that I create these experiences of myself through participating in thoughts, yet at the moment these thoughts are not clearly defined and visible for me, they move to fast, so I must slow down, breath, and look at exactly what it is that I am creating within myself that leads to me placing myself in a experience of possession.

What I also see is that I can support myself physically to not go into this state of being through allowing myself to take a walk, go and swim, or go to the gym – wherein I instead of being in this state of running, allow myself to physically slow down, and just be HERE with my body, and another point that can assist with this is to listen to classical music when I study, so that I slow down, and that I am not in this possession when I am applying myself in my world, because that is what gets to me.

Thus, it’s time I commence operation slowing down, and I mean, this relates to my last blog, where I said I would expand more on how to live the word CARE practically and physically, because doing this for myself, is living real care – because I see what I and my body require, and I act upon that, thus caring for myself and my human physical body – and that is where my care my start – with myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a perpetual state of running through life, wherein I am running towards something as a point of success, as a point of being more than, as a point of being better than, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this state of trying to get through, trying to move myself to something, become something, excel in something, instead of accepting and allowing myself to remain HERE within and as my human physical body, and excel in that which matters, which is amongst other things to care for myself in real physical time – which implies that I slow down, that I don’t accept and allow myself to stress, to be nervous, to be anxious, and to be fearful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a constant state of stress, of pushing myself through life as a way of trying to achieve some form of greatness that I believe I must reach, as a point that I’ve created in my mind – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how me pushing for this particular point isn’t effective, and that I am doing it from a starting point of stress, anxiousness and fear – and that I am within this not considering, listening to or caring for my human physical body in anyway whatsoever – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and commit myself to stop running around in my mind, trying to reach something, or become something, or be something, to instead be here in every moment of breath – and to walk my day within and as the physical here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself through life from a starting point of fear and anxiety, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become numb to life, and to separate myself from life, wherein I constantly and continuously exist within and as this state of inferiority and feeling that I am inferior to life, and that I thus must prove myself to life, I must become something valid and worthy in the eyes of life before I am able to accept myself and recognize myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and to unconditionally allow myself to be here within and as my body, to realize that I am chasing ghosts in my mind and in that processing I am in fact destroying my body, which is my life support, which is the point that allows me to be here in this physical reality and experience this world and this moment of breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define going out for a walk, going to the gym, or going swimming as a waste of time, because then I am apparently not producing anything that is of apparent worth, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my definition of worth to be only in relation to money, and in relation to making something out of myself in this system wherein I can be seen by others as special, as unique, as perfect – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here, and accept and allow myself to stop chasing for something – and too realize that I am able to walk and take on points in the system, but that this doesn’t define who I am – because I am here – and I walk within and as the physical and I don’t walk in this state of stress and anxiety as that is simply not a valid way to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for, and desire, and want to acquire and retain a position in the matrix of being regarded as superior, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of constant stress and anxiety that I won’t be able to reach and attain and withhold such a position in the system, and that accordingly my life will be boring, it will be without passion, it will be without heat, it will simply be a daily routine of walking through my life and doing nothing what-so-ever – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, and within this accept and allow myself to unconditionally stop this stress, to realize that this idea that I must attain a position, it’s a falsity, it’s a creation of my mind and not a actual reality of physical living – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live HERE – and commit myself to make life a expression of here where I do regard my body as the living breathing entity that it in-fact is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with my plans for the future in relation to career and money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of whether or whether not I will achieve a so to speak, “successful” career – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be competitive, and try to win over others, and attempt and try to defeat others, in the belief that the only way I able to gain respect and recognition in this world is through being seen by others as majestic, powerful, effective, and strong and above the normal – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a deep breath and to bring myself back here to and as my human physical body and remove this anxiety, this fear, this nervousness that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, and realize that I don’t require to for me to be stable – here with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in this current day and age, to be successful is not a sign of who you are as a human being, it’s all about luck, and it’s all about where you’re born, as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to impress upon, and try to win and prove myself in this world through getting the perfect job, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is obviously not the way to go, and that in doing this, I will simply miss out on myself, and spend my life in fear and attempting to become, instead of realizing that I can take a breath, and bring myself back here, and within that accept and allow myself to stop searching to find myself here, and be kind to myself here, and physically care for myself and human physically body here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I can align myself within and as the understanding that I can walk in this world, but not be of this world – I can make decisions, and walk my process of getting a job, of finishing my education, of getting a career, but not in anyway allowing this to define who I am; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally align myself within and as this realization – that I can accept and allow myself to let go of my fears – and live here – because fear sucks practically speaking

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into this stress, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand how ridiculous it is that I am fearing my future, that I am fearing what grades I will receive, that I am living in fear, because I mean, what’s the point of living if all I am doing is to fear; as such I commit myself to laugh and to simply take a breath, and shake this fear of and take myself into and as my human physical body

When and as I see that I go into anxiety, fear of the future, and I notice how I become all pumped up within myself because I exist within and as this extreme fear, panicky feeling, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how ridiculous it is to exist within and as this state of panic and fear – because obviously it doesn’t do anything for me what-so-ever – and thus I commit myself to laugh and to simply myself back here, because I won’t accept and allow myself to live out my life in fear of the future, as I instead will live my life fully in every moment of breath in stability, certainty and self-trust

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Day 99: The Decision To Care

I am going to work with a point of anger that has come up within me today. It was triggered by a situation in which I perceived that a particular individual was compromising himself or herself by being apathetic and complacent about their life. The exact trigger point I would say was the point of indifference that I perceived another lived out.

I’ve now looked at this point of indifference, apathy, and complacency, to see why it is that I react towards this particular point in anger. What I am able to see is that I, firstly, judge this point – I see it as horrible, and I’ve also seen myself as in a way having moved past this particular way of living, and thus become better than apathy and complacency. Secondly, I see that apathy and complacency is still something that exists within me, not so much anymore in relation to the point of laziness, but more as a point of inner attitude towards walking my process, towards walking the point of establishing a system of life in this world – I can see that I am holding unto a point of believing that “there is no use to it” – this is the underlying self-acceptance I have, and then my decision to walk change in this world is contaminated with this underlying acceptance, which has the consequence that I do not walk completely, I do not walk fully – because “what’s the use anyhow?”.

Another point I see within this is that I’ve used judgment in order to veil me from seeing this underlying acceptance of indifference and complacency – I’ve through judgment been able to take my attention away from having to change myself, and I’ve instead made myself to focus on the judgment, to focus on the anger, to focus on “how bad it is” – instead of looking at how to practically and physically change this acceptance, so that I can accept and allow myself to walk fully, this point of self-change that I’ve committed myself to in this life.

The anger is thus a veil and not the real issue; it’s the point coming up within me saying, “hey focus on me! Don’t look any deeper into this, just focus on me” – and it’s interesting how well this diversion tactic has worked for me, so that I wouldn’t have to ask myself to tough questions – and that question is in essence, can I say that I do really care? That I am passionate? That I am compassionate? I mean, do I each day as I wake up stand with those words, and walk those words practically through making sure that my day, and the breaths I breathe during my day will be a contribution to a world that is best for all?

At this moment I can’t answer yes to those questions, which is main problem – it’s obvious that if I want change I must learn to care, be compassionate, and passionate about such a change, to such a degree that I push myself to walk whatever is required for me to walk in order to get this done.

The solution is thus to look at how I am able to start caring for myself, and for my world, what would it practically entail, how is it that I can practically implement this words This point I am going walk in the next blog.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not implement and walk the words of passion, compassion and care practically, and physically in my world, to define these words for myself, and practice to walk these words physically and practically in my world – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead accept myself as apathetic and complacent towards walking self-change in this world, towards walking within the principle of manifesting, and creating a new world, and a new reality, and a new me that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the acceptance within me that “there is nothing I can do” – and think/believe that “whatever I do it won’t have an effect” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how I am limiting myself, holding myself back, and compromising myself within holding unto such a limited view of myself in relation to change – believing that change can’t happen, while it’s obvious that change can happen – I mean, I’ve created myself as I exist today, then it’s common sense that I can create myself into a better and superior version of myself that is kind to all life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto the acceptance that I can’t change, that I can’t move, that I can’t direct, that I can’t push myself to go beyond my limitations, beyond my ideas of what I believe I am capable off, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply accept myself as limited, instead of questioning my acceptances, and not accepting and allowing myself simply remain and hold unto acceptances that are obviously not effective, and that doesn’t support me, neither support life as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and let go of this acceptance, and allow myself to re-design myself as the words of care, compassion, and passion, and define for myself how I am able to live these words practically in my world – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I decide what I will live, what I will accept and what I will allow, and that thus; real passion is a decision, real care is a decision, real compassion is a decision, it’s not something that happens because of a feeling, it’s something that I move myself to live as, I decide for myself to stand as and walk as; and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for passion, compassion and care to “happen” to me – instead of me directively making the decision to create myself as passion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for myself that I will one day begin to care, that I will one day become passionate, and within that points are going to move, not seeing, realizing, and understanding that passion, that care, that these are decisions, and that they are not something I am born with, they are not something I experience, they are not something that are “just here” – but they are something that I must actively and willfully create – because such is the nature of existence, that I do in-fact decide what is here, I create myself, and I create my reality in every moment of breath – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take on the responsibility of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that suddenly, one day, I will begin to care for myself, I will begin to feel compassionate for myself, I will begin to feel passion towards the point of walking for, and committing myself to, and dedicating myself to self-change – not seeing, realizing and understanding how this is not so – that nothing will happen unless I make it happen; I mean this principle is obvious in all aspects of life – that unless I make the decision, and I walk the decision, and I stick to the decision, nothing will happen; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to care for myself, be compassionate, to be passionate, and to walk this self-directed, without energy, without anything moving me, but myself as a decision, as living breath, as the living word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how I’ve used anger and judgment in order to cover up for myself the simple common sense, that if I want to change, I must make the decision to change – that if I want to have a different experience of myself – I must create that experience of myself – that if I want to have a different life – I must create that different life; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that waiting for change is the same as giving up, and that it’s really a illusion to wait for change, because change will not ever manifest unless I make the self-directed decision to manifest and create change as myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it’s complete self-abdication to wait for some form of stimulation to move me to take action, and it’s also completely absurd, because stimulation obviously only occurs towards points that I supposedly “like” – but the fact is that I tend to not ever like things that are effective for me, that work for me, and that do have an outflow that is best for all – and thus to trust stimulation to move me is like shooting myself in the foot – and I mean, I don’t need stimulation to move me, I only need common sense, my human physical body, and then a directive decision, and then I move – it’s so simple that a baby can do it, and does do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not comprehend and realize the power of decisions, and to understand that energy is limitation and that all I require to master is the process and walking of decisions – I mean, because I don’t require a energy to get things moving, I don’t require a stimuli to get things in place – I simply require me here making a decision and then walking that decision; my body is showing to my everyday how to walk without stimulation, my body doesn’t need a energy to beat the heart, or grow the fingernails, or sweat – my body simply do it – it looks at what is here, makes a decision, and walks the decision – so simple – so easy – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn from my body and realize that my current way of living as looking at what stimulates me is completely limited, and only have the outflow that I make decisions that are not best for all

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am waiting for myself to move, waiting for myself to become passionate, compassionate, and caring – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that what I am waiting for will never happen, simply because the mind doesn’t function like that – and it’s obvious that I can’t trust stimuli to be the director of me in life as my movement will be totally inconsistent, erratic and unpredictable; as such I commit myself to make physical decisions and to walk these decisions – to make the decision to care, to make the decision to consider, to make the decision to be passionate – and not within this need anything more but my decision in order for me to move, motivate myself and walk

When and as I see that I am in terms of making decisions, looking for a particular stimuli as a nice feeling that I can use in order to guide me in life, in making a decision that I will supposedly like, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I can’t obviously trust this particular point moving myself in relation to “what I like” – simply because it’s untrustworthy, and doesn’t have anything to do with what is practical, with is necessary and what is common sense; as such I commit myself to move and apply myself with and as what is common sense – what is practical – what is necessary – what I see must be done – and not move myself according to what I feel and experience

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Day 98: The Pressure of Living

Today I noticed an undefined experience of heaviness within me, and I am in this blog going to go deeper into this experience, define it, and then release it through applying self-forgiveness.

Firstly, naming the game, what is this experience? For those new to the process of working with and investigating the inner workings of the mind, it’s important to understand how important this step is, because if you haven’t defined what you’re experiencing, you can’t deal with it. Thus, what is it that I am experiencing?

I would say that this experience is a form of fear, an underlying and constant experience of fear – and what I can see is that this fear is in relation to the pressure of living in the system – or to be more precise, the pressure I create within myself as fear due to the uncertainty and unpredictability of living in this current world system, wherein my entire world is completely dependent upon one thing to work – which is money.

It’s fascinating to look at how prominent this experience of heaviness is, and how it’s a direct consequence of how we as human beings have designed our world system. What’s even more interesting is that I am in this current world system placed in a fortunate position, which means that I do have a somewhat predictable life, I do have a access to money, I do have access to education, and I’ve been able to place myself in such a position in my life where my future in many ways is predictable, and is so to speak secured. Yet still this experience exists within. Then consider what people are going through that live on the outskirts of the system with absolutely nothing, wherein they do really in-fact face a completely uncertain life each day, where it’s not in anyway predictable whether they will have sufficient with money to buy themselves even the most basic necessities needed to sustain the human physical body.

Just imagine the pressure of living such a life, waking up each morning not knowing whether you’ll be able to eat or not – and look at the consequences this creates in our world – where does all crime originate? Where does so much of the unnecessary violence and harm done on a daily basis come from? It’s all due to our socio-economic background, all coming from the simple point of money and whether we have access to it, or not.

Obviously, in this blog, I am going to push myself to take responsibility for this fear, and this pressure I’ve connected to living in this world system, because the fact of the matter is that we can be in this system, but not of this system – we can walk this world with no fear – we can stand stable and unwavering regardless of what we face – yet to get to this point we require to shed the layers of programming that we’ve allowed ourselves to become subject to, and what I see in my own programming, is that most of my fear comes from what I’ve been taught by my parents – that I must fear the system – I must remain invisible, and hide away in some corner, so that I won’t be detected, and so that I can just live out my life and hope for the best – that I will survive.

The ultimate solution to this point is a new monetary and economic system, wherein all are given sufficient with money, so that this pressure point can’t exist within anyone – and there is a proposal for such a system, which I suggest that you investigate called the Living Income Guarantee.

Unfortunately, we’re not quite there yet, so thus I will walk the self-forgiveness on this fear of living, this pressure, so that I can get myself back into this physical reality – and instead of spending my days in fear instead act to move points, so that we do not require anymore to live in a world system that sucks the life out of existence.

Thus, the first point, as I showed above is to define the particular pattern, name the game, the next point is to ask questions and to within that dig deeper into the point – thus: why is it that I experience this pressure in relation to life in general?

What I see here is that I fear uncertainty, I fear unpredictability, because this implies I have no control – and no control implies that anything can happen – I can’t foresee what is going to happen, and how it is going to happen – and this scares me because I believe I can’t be stable in a position of having no control, which implies that I’ve defined my stability within myself according to how points move in my external world – and I mean in this case that would imply MONEY – that I’ve defined my stability within myself according to how MONEY moves in my world – instead of realizing myself as stability HERE – standing as stability HERE regardless of how the point of money moves in my world, realizing that money is a tool that I can use, but not a point that defines who I am because that is a decision I make.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stability according to money, and to believe that without money I can’t be stable, and to believe that the amount of money I have, the amount of property I own, what career I have, the amount of salary I earn each money, defines my stability – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to define myself as stability, and to as such make the decision to not accept and allow myself as stability to be determined by any external point such as money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I will only fear not having control if I’ve placed some form of value in having control, if I’ve somehow defined myself in relation to having control – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not come to terms with, make peace with the fact that I do not in-fact have control – that this world is unpredictable and uncertain and that reacting to this fact doesn’t in anyway change the situation – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push this point of standing in the system, but not being of the system, realizing that what I do in the system, and in this world doesn’t define who I am – that the amount of money I have doesn’t define who I am – but that I define who I am in each and every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize my relationship with money, so that this is in all ways a practical relationship, wherein I see that I need to have money in this world in order to sustain myself, but wherein money doesn’t define who I am, and that me sustaining myself in this world doesn’t define who I am – but that I instead stand in this world, but not of this world – I walk my career, I walk my points of managing, and earning money – but this doesn’t define me as I define myself here in every moment of breath – I decide who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value into having control, to place value into the feeling of safety and security, and think, perceive, and believe that this particular experience of safety, and security is something that I need in order to be stable here with myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as stability to a feeling – thinking and believing that without me having this feeling of positivity, of feeling comforted, of feeling secure, and hopeful, that I am okay – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this is obviously not so – because the obvious fact is that what I feel doesn’t in anyway correlate to what is real, and what is physical, and what is here – it’s just a feeling – it’s just a experience – and nothing that I am able to trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that what I am able to trust is every moment HERE – is that I am here in this very moment, and that I am able to in this very moment decide who I am, to decide how I live, to decide where I stand, to decide myself; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back HERE in every moment of breath, to realize that only HERE is real – that only this moment here is what I am able to fully trust because it’s in-fact proven that I am here in this moment, which I am able to cross-reference for myself in every breath through being aware of myself interacting with my physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can trust the physical, meaning, that the physical is always here, the physical is consistent, the physical is perseverant, the physical is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, and it doesn’t change – and as such I see, realize and understand that the solution is to practically equalize myself to stand one and equal with and as the stability of this physical reality – because obviously this physical reality doesn’t accept and allow itself to have it’s experience of itself change due to money – but money is simply to this physical a world a matter of practicality and nothing more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stability as having a house, as having a family, as a having certain outcome in this life, as a life path that I can follow – such as for example following in the footsteps of my father – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear anything that is new, to fear anything that I can’t control, to fear anything that I can’t foresee, and to fear making decisions wherein I can’t be absolutely certain on what the outcome of the decision will be; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to exist in fear instead of standing equal and one to and as the physical, equal and one with and as my body, and to live HERE in every moment and not go into fear of living, fear of being here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my life as a constant state of pressure, wherein I feel pressured to live in this world, pressured by the fact that I know that if I do not have money, I can’t survive, pressured by the fact that I know that if I do not have a job, I will not have money, and thus not survive; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself believing that I must experience myself in this pressure, and in this constant of fear – as fearing what might happen – instead of realizing that I can stand stable, clear, and directive in this fucked-up world system – and not accept and allow myself to be influenced by the uncertainty and unpredictability of this world currently functions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into pressure and stress in regards to my school, in regards to my studies, in regards to exams, fearing the point that I don’t have absolute control, and a absolute foreseeing as to how my life will evolve in terms of career, and money as points that flow from my education, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make peace with the fact that control is illusory, that predictability and certainty is illusory, because in this world those things in a absolute level doesn’t exist – they are merely ideas, merely experiences that I’ve defined myself in relation to; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – to take a breath and to stabilize and equalize myself with that which doesn’t exist in fear – which is the physical – which me standing here and living as one breath – walking and dealing with this ONE moment here – and not accepting and allowing my mind to project me into any form of dream or future projection or hope

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into a state of pressure, and a state of fear, as a fear of not having control, and not having a certain outcome in relation to my life, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of wanting to control, of believing that there exists control and certainty in this life – it’s not real – it’s not valid – and that the only point I can in-fact trust is this moment HERE – and the fact that I am here – and HERE I can make decisions – HERE I can direct my life – HERE I can make a difference for myself and the rest of this world – but that can’t happen when I exist in a illusory state of projecting myself in to my future; as such I commit myself to push and discipline myself to remain HERE in every moment of breath and to let go of control – to let go of the feeling of security in relation to money, as feeling that I must have a certain future to be stable – and I commit myself to instead live that stability here in every moment of breath – as a decision that I make

When and as I see that I am going into a state of anxiety, fear, and pressure, because I am worrying about money, and how my future will look like in relation to money – I immediately stop myself, and I see, realize, and understand that I can only work practically with my physical relationship with money in this moment HERE – it’s thus HERE I can walk a point to prepare money for me and make sure that I will be able to sustain myself in this world – it’s thus HERE I can establish skills, and a network for myself so that I can sustain myself in this world – it’s HERE I can work with what is in-fact my life which is this physical real reality; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here to my human physical body and work directly with what is here – and within this see that fear is in it’s very nature – useless

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