Tag Archives: eqafe

Day 398: Eqafe – Probably the Best Self-Help Library That There Is

I have been a user of Eqafe since its inception and seen the self-help library grow, from a couple of interviews, to an impressive selection of several thousands of interviews covering a myriad of topics. And this is somewhat a hallmark of Eqafe – consistent and continuous growth. And even though the interviews are at this point ranging in their thousands, there has never been an interview that I have listened to, where I have felt as if it was becoming repetitive. There is such a variety, such a creativity, freedom and depth in the recordings – it is truly remarkable.

When I have faced difficulties, or questions has arisen, the Eqafe library has been my go-to resource. It has seldom failed to bring a new understanding or insight to what I have been walking through. Whether I have been looking into issues with regards to relationships and sex, or in relation to my career – the search function on the Eqafe site has supplied me with answers. And what truly makes Eqafe fascinating is that you do not get the normal lovey-dovey, fluffy, positive, new age advice. You get the hard facts. That might not necessarily be very nice – or what you want to hear. Though fact is that we are not the pleasant, sane, and cordial people we want ourselves and everyone else to believe. The truth is that we are all in some way fucked up. However – the truth is as well that we can change ourselves – and Eqafe supplies the PRACTICAL tools to make that transformation a reality. Here I want to emphasize PRACTICAL. You will not need to listen to advice that makes no sense – like for example – that you should ‘love yourself with all of your love-energy and then send that out into the world with a thought’. No, no – you will get a practical suggestion on how to deal with a point – a step-by-step method. I would say that this is what separates Eqafe from the other self-help gurus you are able to find on the web. In Eqafe – things are kept real, grounded,  accessible and applicable.

Eqafe has impacted many aspects of my life, though one of the most memorable is with regards to my studies and my career. Early on in my university studies I had difficulties creating relationships and get a hang of the social games that were being played. It frustrated me – and I noticed that I was usually paying more attention to these games – than to the studies at hand. Then I found a interview on Eqafe – where this behavioral pattern was addressed. It was explained that  relationships in school are not as valuable as we want to think. Most of them end after school. Very few remain – and still – we put SO MUCH energy into creating and maintaining them. And in-fact – the reason why so many of us dislike school is because we get so immersed in the social role-playing that we forget all about who we are, where we are and where it is that we are going. We forget that it is in school, with our grades, and our in-depth learning, that we are shaping our future. It is that productive time that is going to stick with us and help us get ahead. Not how many parties we went to or what friends we managed to acquire.

After I had listened to the recording I made some practical adjustments to the way I approached my studies and the social circles. I decided to put my focus and attention unto the courses at hand – that became my main priority. I decided to align with people that were as intently focused on their studies and on their future as I were. Thus I picked my friends because of our interest in the subjects, drive in school and our future. My relationship to friends and acquaintances changed to become a positive side-effect to my determination with my studies and something that enhanced my participation in school and it was not a goal in itself. And that made a huge difference to me – and it allowed me to move through my university studies, acquire effective marks and a deep as well as lasting understanding of the course materials. I sometimes surprise myself by having a detailed knowledge and understanding of a topic even though it has been several years since I finished school and studied the subject.

I can honestly say that without Eqafe – I would not be where I am today. It is the greatest self-help library on earth – and I would dearly recommend everyone to subscribe. You will not regret it – and you will have several years of investigation and studies ahead of you because the material is vast. It has been one of the best investment I have ever made and that will definitely be the case for you as well – because the investments we make in ourselves both in our formal and informal education – that is what is going to stand the test of time and last for life.


Day 390: The Natural Rhythm of Breath

I have listened to a couple of Eqafe interviews cover the topic of temperature this week:

Temperature: The Origins of Temperature – Earth, Nature, and Weather
Temperature: Purification Through Heat and Cold – Earth, Nature, and Weather
Temperature: Quantum Breathing and the Rhythm of Life – Earth, Nature, and Weather

They were insightful and fascinating and I can recommend them. There was especially one part that covered rhythm and breath that I found interesting. When I first started process I was shown the four count breath. You breath in counting to four, hold, breath out counting to four, and hold – and then you restart. It was a effective method to become aware of my breathing. As I developed my relationship to my body and breath I realized that the four count breath did not fit for me – as it was not aligned with my natural rhythm of breathing – and hence I decided to practice awareness of breath without counting – and that is where I am today.

What was shared in the interview confirmed to me that there is such a thing as a rhythm of breath and that we all have our individual and specific rhythm. The four count breath assists with realizing the importance of breath – though the real rhythm of breathing is something that can only be found by ourselves.

I was also reminded of how important it is the develop my relationship with the physical. It is easy to become enveloped and the constant chatter that is provided by the mind – and then forget the awesome opportunities that are here in every moment to develop and create a bond with the physical body. Each breath is an opportunity to refine and push my presence in the physical – and a opportunity to instead of being part of the irrelevant chatter of the mind – be here and get to know what is real.

Developing presence in the physical is challenging. At some points it feels as the mind struggles and fights – and all of these seemingly important things to look at and think about pops up. That is when I utilize the tools of self-forgiveness and writing. Sometimes that is the only way to bring myself back to stability – all of the things within me has to get out – has to be directed. To only focus on breath and deny the issues that repeatedly comes through within is not progression but suppression. That is why meditation and silencing the mind alone will not be enough – we have to locate our weaknesses and change them – and the mind is very effective at locating our weak spots.

If there is a point where the mind is able to penetrate – it will push and eventually get through. Taking myself as an example – I have a couple of points – fear of money being one – that I have consequently fallen on. Hence – from the perspective I am grateful that the mind is with me – because if I am not clear on a point within me – I will fall into the chatter, the emotions and feelings – and I will believe it is real.

There are spiritual directions that advocates only looking at the thoughts, however letting them go, or, focusing on breath and not at all allowing oneself to be distracted by thoughts. Both of these paths are ineffective – because the thoughts and the mind is not the enemy – it is the collected library of me and it will reveal what I need to work with. Each and every thought reveals a point that requires to be directed. Hence – when a point comes up – I recognize it – and if there is time – I take a look at its origins and speak a self-forgiveness statement within. If there is not time – I look at it later. A supportive practice I have found is to look at and work with what comes up within me either when I lay to sleep at night – or when I have just woken up in the morning.

The interviews I mentioned in the beginning supported me to open up and look at my relationship to breath and they reminded me of how important it is to develop a stable presence of breath.


Day 409: Facing Gossip

Gossiping is widely accepted and allowed in humanity at this stage, and interestingly enough, it is often associated with close friendship and bonding – where the bond is created by diminishing and harassing another human being in words.

Gossiping is very, very destructive – and it never gives an accurate picture of another person. It is mostly done to get back in some respect or another – and the purpose is to destroy the other person and to make oneself feel better/superior. As far as character goes, gossiping says everything about the one that is doing it, and nothing about the person being gossiped about. A person that accepts and allows gossip usually feels so insecure and inferior within themselves, that they must destroy others, to be able to remain afloat.

When it comes to the consequences of gossiping, one of them is that view/opinion/relationship the people hearing the gossip have with/of the person being gossiped about, will be effected. And hence, one sentence of gossip, can potentially severely damage a cool relationship between two people.

Thus – the moment I catch myself I gossiping, whether this is something I see in my backchat, or words that I consider actually voicing, I immediately stop myself – because gossiping is not something that I accept and allow in my life.

In this interview from Eqafe you can hear life review with a person that gossiped a lot in their life, the consequences this created, and solutions that can be applied to change and stop gossiping.


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Day 398: Purpose Has Left The Building

What is my purpose? Am I on the right track, or… have I missed my purpose? Have I failed to do what I should in my life? Is it too late for me? This feels so right, is this my purpose? Where is my purpose? Who is my purpose? What should I do to understand and learn about my purpose?

Recognize yourself in these? I do – these questions above are what have been circulating over and over again each time I have tried to open up and develop the point of purpose to a grounded and practical living application. Due to the extensive usage of purpose in our world, where this word has been given, almost, magical attributes, and where we are from a young age trained to look out our lives in terms of finding ‘our way’ – ‘our career’ – ‘what we are going to do when become old’ – it has been very difficult for me to use the word purpose effectively. It became such a big thing for me – so important – so grandiose – I just had to select ‘the right’ purpose – and obviously that felt extremely difficult because that purpose would apparently ‘define the rest of my life’.

Hence – PURPOSE has played its part to describe living in meaningful and fulfilling life through daily practical application – and another word has entered into my life – MATTER.

It was through listening to the Eqafe interview Purpose Has Left The Building that I could see and understand that purpose was not the word I needed to bring out the best in myself – and hence I suggest for anyone interested in reexamining their relationship to meaningful living to take a listen this interview. Because in looking for purpose – we miss the very point of LIVING with purpose – which should be about living in a way where ALL the small moments of LIFE are given attention and recognition – where our life MATTERS – and each moment MATTER – and is used/lived in a way that is meaningful.

Is it not, that all we are looking for in our lives when we try to establish our purpose, is fulfillment and meaning? We want there to be something MORE but only ourselves, and our own small petty problems/desires/wants/wishes/hopes – we want LIFE to MEAN something. Though, why do we first need a purpose to give LIFE and ourselves MEANING – when we can simply make the decision HERE – to MATTER? It does not make sense – and hence I will stop looking for my purpose and instead – through living the word MATTER – make my life purposeful.


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Day 266: The Building Blogs of Life

The building blogs of life – what is that?

Consider the following: Who you are is made up out of words, where each word has a definition, and that definition can consist out of other words, experiences, feelings, emotions, pictures, or memories. When you move yourself throughout life, make decisions, create relationships, pursue a career, or commit yourself to a project, your relationship to this point in your life will be dependent on the words and their definitions that you exist/live as. If you accordingly have defined the word love through memories of being hurt – potentially – that word will instigate a fear within you – and hence – when you have an opportunity to create a loving relationship – you will experience resistance/fear/tenseness – because in your world – love is something you want to avoid.

On a deep level in ourselves, this is how we create ourselves and by implication, our lives. We create through the words we ARE – and mostly – we have copied these words from our parents. The result is that we become very limited – we have a limited input of words – a limited input of definitions – and few perspectives/examples of how to live words. Fact is that we already as toddlers integrate and become the words our parents live – as such it happens on a quantum physical level; it is not something that we do consciously. This is the reason as to why words are the building blocks of the human being.

Now, what I want to show in this blog is that blogs, are the building blocks of life. What do I mean by this? Obviously it is not any kind of blog that will be able to become a building block in our lives. The blogs we write must be introspective, self-honest, and focused on finding a solution to a flaw that we see in our character. We all have these flaws, yet most of us do not do anything about it – and this is why most humans live mediocre and average lives – they do not make the most out of themselves and their lives – they remain with their limited vocabulary – and their limited definitions. However those of us that are willing to see our flaws have the opportunity to specify and clarify what these flaws are in writing – through writing a blog – in this getting a perspective and overview of what it is that we are doing within ourselves.

When we SEE ourselves and what we do, when we see the construction of our mental world, our character, we are able to affect change – we are able to specify a solution and live/manifest this solution into existence. Without writing/blogging, this is very hard to do. Hence, each blog written from within this starting point of getting to know self, getting to understand self – is a building blo(g)ck of our life – of the new life we want to create for ourselves where we decide what words to live, and we decide what definitions these words should have.

Writing is one of the most powerful tools of self-creation that exist. Through writing our decisions down, through writing down our inner worlds, through writing down what we want to create, and how we want our life to become – we are able to create a extraordinary life for ourselves – yet not only for ourselves – but for everyone else in our life as well. Each blog is a stepping stone in the process of self-creation – each blog is a statement of WHO I AM and what I will accept and allow – and what I will not accept and allow. Hence, the creation of real life begins with words written down with the intention to bring these words alive.

Day 256: Squabbling

a couple is squabbling with boxing mitsToday’s blog will be dedicated to looking more deeply into a word that I have run into in my daily living. This word is ‘squabbling’ and in the dictionary squabbling is defined as the following:

A noisy quarrel about something trivial: family squabbles.

Now, not too unexpectedly, this point has come up in relation to my partner, and the agreement we are walking together. What I have noticed in moments is that I will enter a ‘squabble-character’ – where I will latch unto some trivial point that my partner disagrees with, and then push that as ‘my point of view’. Most of the time that underlying drive within my decision is the desire to be right, and to ‘win’ – and sometimes it is that I want to experience that slightly tickling feeling of being in a light argument with another – the same type of tickling sensation that sometimes arise when you are teasing someone. And basically this tickling sensation would be the energy of superiority mixed together with some excitement, and some genuine playfulness.

Though, within living this point of squabbling, there are some obvious consequences: Firstly, sometimes the other person might simply not understand that I am ‘teasing’ him or her with a playful attitude – which can cause a reaction, and in the worst scenarios an explosion – thus walking into this squabbling-character is like playing with fire. Secondly, what is really the point of squabbling? Does it in anyway support, or build the relationship between two individuals? No, rather it’s the opposite – it’s instead a cesspool of conflict where oftentimes, things start out with a low voice, talking about things that are ‘funny’, to then escalate into more serious matters, and sensitive points, and then to become more or less a conflict, and a fight.

I have found that it is easy to fall into squabbling-mode, and then start talking, defending yourself, justifying, and excusing, because apparently, you have to ‘talk back’. But do I really have to talk back? Do I really have to make it known how I oppose a certain idea/opinion, and then try to prove to the other person how my idea/opinion is better than their idea/opinion? No – I don’t – really squabbling is a polarity game between two individuals where both try to convince each other that they are right, and better than the other. Hence, when one of those individuals makes the decision to stop – squabbling will be no more – because squabbling feeds on the back and forth motion of the argument.

I see that there are some very effective ways of stopping squabbling – one of these is to in the moment when I notice I want to speak from within this slight movement of an urge to prove a point, or show a point, that I stop myself, breathe, and realize that I will not miss out on anything by letting this urge go. I will not miss a part of myself if I am not able to convince this other person to think like me, no, I will be just the same, like before, though, more stable, and grounded, and being able to focus on things that are of more importance than trying to convince others that I am right.

Squabbling takes time, it doesn’t produce any visible results, and slowly eats away at relationships – it’s not something supportive and hence shouldn’t exist within me – thus the remainder of this blog I will dedicate to self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements to support me to walk through this mind-pattern.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within and as a squabble character, where I am squabbling with another, and automatically disagreeing, or agreeing, from a starting point of wanting to win, and be right, and have another see things from my perspective, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to this squabbling-energy, and thus not see the consequences that I am creating through participating within, and being obsessed with this squabbling character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with squabbling, where I will talk back for the sake of talking back, and for the sake of that slight rush of energy that I feel when there is almost a conflict going on between two persons, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am limiting, and suppressing my real self-expression, my real beingness expression, because I am accepting and allowing myself to be intertwined, and sucked into this energy, where I don’t see the consequences of my actions, and the ripple effects of my words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change squabbling into stability, and communicating with a grounded stability here, where I do not accept and allow myself to squabble, but I instead remain stable, grounded, here – and have my words be a true representation of who I am as a being, and not represent a system of energy that comes up within me and demands my attention

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change squabbling into stability, and clear communication, where I as such do not accept and allow myself to voice myself, and speak from that slight urge, and desire to voice myself, and say something that I know will trigger, or set off another in some way, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am utilizing words deliberately to trigger another, to in that feel powerful, and strong, and justify this with thinking that it’s only teasing, not seeing, realizing and understanding that the underlying intent is not teasing, it is wanting to be in control, and wanting to win

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that another can’t allure me into squabbling, because it is always I that respond to a energy stimulant inside of me, and then I move myself on the basis of this stimulant, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I can change a moment, and a relationship with another, through not accepting and allowing myself to respond to that urge, and experience coming up within me, of feeling that I want to talk back, or say something that might potentially cause an experience within in another in someway or another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not a solution to talk back, because talking back implies reacting, it implies automatically and without awareness, immediately saying something to another, without considering the effect of the words, and without considering whether, or whether not I am able to stand with these words or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that a solution is to talk – to direct – to speak to another in clarity – to thus accept and allow myself to forgive any reaction that might come up, and any urge of going into squabbling-mode – so that I am able to speak and interact with another in a clarity and comfort – in a stability – where I know who I am and where I stand – and I know where my words come from – why I speak them – and what the purpose of my words are – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be more disciplined and specific with my words and how I accept and allow myself to voice myself with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify squabbling with thinking that it’s something I need to get out in the open, that I need to rinse the air, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s not a solution to ‘rinse’ the air, because in that I am not directing anything – I am only trying to get my experience out so that I can feel comfortable and good about myself – which is not taking the other person into account what-so-ever – but is only taking myself into account and how I want to feel better through unleashing my experience within me on another

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a state of squabbling, where I experience a urge to talk, to talk back, to get my point across, and downplay another’s, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that through going into this state, and speaking in it, I am sabotaging my relationships with another, and I am suppressing my genuine, comfortable and grounded expression, thus holding myself back form in that moment communicating, and sharing solutions, and supportive ways to tackle, and direct my life and another’s – and thus I commit myself to change my communication to being stable, grounded, and clear – and use my words to assist and support and build solutions instead of creating energy through squabbling

When and as I see myself squabbling, or wanting to squabble, which is signified by the fact that I feel this urge, desire, and feeling of need to speak, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that squabbling doesn’t lead anywhere, and it doesn’t give me what I want to have, it doesn’t create cool relationships, and it will only bring, for a moment a exciting energy experience – nothing more – and thus I commit myself to instead value and place focus on the physical – on what I am doing HERE in this moment – in this breath – and how I can assist and support myself in this moment to create my life – my world – and my physical reality to be the best that it can be through the words I am speaking and the communication I am participating within

Day 246: The art of decision making

Oftentimes we hear how it’s good to vent ourselves – that it’s apparently healthy to clear the air, get everything out there, speak it as it is, and show what is really going on. And in theory this might be great, because we can discuss what is really going on – though in practical reality this approach more often than not leads to consequences.

hand-457335_640The real problem is when we start to speak about decisions, and points that we think about, which we ourselves are not yet clear on. For example, we have a reaction towards person X, and this reaction is an irritation, then we go speak to person Y about a decision we’re considering due to this reaction. Problem is that, on top of it being a reaction, we experience a conflict within ourselves towards the decision, because on a deep level we know that the point isn’t clear, it doesn’t come from a point of stability, and common sense reasoning – so we turn to person Y to guide us and prep us emotionally so we feel comfortable making the decision we believe to be right. This, INSTEAD of accepting and allowing ourselves to FIRST look at the point, stabilize, and only THEN go to another to discuss, and cross-reference the facts, which we’ve found.

If we go and speak with person Y, without being clear, a lot of shit can unfold – amongst other things we can influence person Y to in turn make a decision based on our emotionally contaminated information, or we receive advice that isn’t clear, and effective, due to our own uncertainty and biased position, and accordingly we make a decision that supports our emotional experience, instead of making a practical decision that supports who we are as a being, as life. And on top of this we set ourselves up to lose our point of self-honesty, and access to who we are as stability, because instead of clearing the reaction, and finding out what we’d really like to do – the problem is that we try to emulate a sense of direction through utilizing feelings and emotions.

So, what I’ve found in my own process is that I have a tendency to want to cement a particular direction in life through creating within me an a experience of certainty, a feeling of certainty. Hence, when an EXPERIENCE of uncertainty comes up within me, what I’ve done is that I go and talk to someone, to get some form of comforting advice, to through that generate and create the feeling of certainty again. The fascinating point here is that I base my future, my decisions, and my direction on a feeling of certainty or an emotion of uncertainty, instead of seeing the practical pros and cons of my direction. See, basing a decision on what is practical – this doesn’t require any feeling whatsoever, no emotion, no feeling, it’s instead simply seeing the physical, and the potential future playouts, looking at the consequences of these and how they might affect me – and then making a decision on the basis of these.

Thus, the limitation is to want to have a feeling of certainty, because why do we require such a feeling to trust ourselves in relation to the decisions we make for ourselves? Do we have to have a feeling in order to be able to eat? Must we feel a sense of trust that the food we eat is going to nourish and support our physical bodies? No – because in terms of food, we know that it’s a physical act, and that when we eat, regardless of our experience towards the decision to eat, it’s something that’s going to have certain physical effects, and that is why we decide to do it. The same goes for all other decisions, at the end of the day, they are practical, physical decisions, and it doesn’t have to feel right, it just has to be a decision that is practical and effectively aligned – that is all that is required.

What I see for myself, as such, is that I am going to will myself to before I approach another in terms of discussing a decision that I wish to make, to first sit down with myself and walk through the pros and cons – and ONLY look at the practical sides of the decision – because that is really the only thing that matters. What I feel about a decision, that is irrelevant, because it won’t have any form of meaning, and will not change a thing in terms of how I walk about, and create my life in this physical world and reality – and that is the truth.

To summarize this blog, there are two important points to take into account in terms of decisions: 1) Be clear or at least be clear on the points your unclear about when discussing a decision with another 2) Don’t base your decisions on a feeling of right, and don’t accept and allow yourself to be bothered by a feeling that something is wrong with a decision – instead stick to what is practical – because that is trustworthy and dependable.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be swayed inside of myself in relation to decisions that I make, have made, or wish to make, through basing myself and who I am in relation to these decisions on emotions and feelings of uncertainty and certainty – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don’t have to change my direction just because an experience comes up within me of either uncertainty or certainty – because these feelings and emotions are in-fact not relevant – they aren’t in-fact physical assessments of the situation that I am in – it’s only a feeling – and thus I commit myself to base my decision on facts – on the practical pros and cons – and not accept and allow myself to be swayed to change or make a decision on the basis of a experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust feelings of certainty, and uncertainty, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make these experiences the primary force in my decision making processes – where I instead of valuing, and seeing the practical sides of the decision that is before me – look at, and become obsessed with the experience side of the decision that is before me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand to what extent I am in-fact limiting myself when I am holding unto this perspective in life – because instead of supporting myself to stabilize, and work with what is real – I go into a illusion and try to live my life from within and as that very illusion – not realizing that I can’t ever live effectively when my focus is on that which isn’t real, and doesn’t matter anyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to evaluate the decisions I have made, and the decisions I plan to make according to how I feel about them, and evaluate how I should move and direct myself in the future according to how I feel about my future – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the simple common sense that – a decision is a practical point – it’s a physical act – and not something that has to do with feelings – and some goes with the future – the future is a practical point – a physical act that will occur – and thus it’s irrelevant how I feel about it – what’s important is the physical, and practical steps – the actuality of what is here – that is the relevant point to look at and thus the relevant point to work with and base my decisions on

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself wanting to go talk to someone about a decision that I am not clear on, because I feel certain, or uncertain, and because I wish to strengthen one of these experiences, I stop, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I require to slow down, and first of all – look at the point myself – and be clear within myself before I open my mouth and invite others to participate in giving me advice and looking at the decision – and thus I commit myself to look at my decisions rationally – using the pros and cons method – the pros and cons list – and then following through on the assessment that I make in relation to this pros and cons list – and asking for advice in relation to practical points that I am not certain about and that I see I could use support and assistance for me to clarify

When and as I see myself basing my direction, and future in relation to a certain decision, on how I feel about it – as to whether I feel comfortable with it, or uneasy with it, and then start re-thinking my decision, and going over it again, because my feeling about it changed, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of approach decisions is not supportive, and it’s not effective for me – because what should matter is the physical, what is actually going on in my life, what is actually and in-fact here – not what I feel should or shouldn’t be here – because that is what is relevant – and that is what I should move myself in relation – and through doing that – I will have an effective decision that is aligned with my physical world – and thus I commit myself to look at the physical aspects of my decision and NOT how I feel about it, not what I think about it, rather the physical facts – because that is what will have a direct impact and influence on me and the decision I am making or that I have already made

Day 244: Revolt

In the adult world there are many traditions, habits and social niceties that just doesn’t make any sense. For example, if you’re invited to another, and they are offering dinner; you can’t start eating until they say it’s okay to start eating. Other strange points is that you’re not allowed to eat with the fork in your right hand, you can’t eat with your mouth open, you have to say thank you when you get something, etc. There are literally thousands of these rules, and as children, we’re mostly exempted from them. Then, as we come into our adult years, suddenly we’re supposed to follow these rules, and make them part of our lives.

My reaction towards these nonsense rules was firstly to ignore them, or follow them as little as possible. This works fine if you don’t have any intention of networking, or creating a relationship with a person in the system, it works fine when your focus is to live your own life, and not give a damn about others. Though the moment we make the decision to move out into the system, start creating relationships, and forming networks, we must follow these rules, because if we don’t follow them, the consequence is social exclusion. This is obviously not an optimum condition, though this is how it all works at the moment – to build relationships – you in most cases have to abide by the nonsense social norms that exists in almost all parts of our lives.

Today, I stand in a position, where I have to go into the system and build relationships, and due to that I’ve had to revise my relationship to social norms – I now see, realize and understand, that in order to have success in building relationships – I require to play the game. And here is the important point to ALWAYS remember – that the key in playing the game is to be IN this world but not OF this world. See, it’s a major difference – because when we’re IN this world but not OF this world – we don’t accept and allow the game to define who we are. We instead play the game, knowing that it’s a game, and that it’s not a point that changes who we are on the inside – instead we’re clear on our PURPOSE, our STARTING POINT, our DIRECTION, or WHY – we know what we do, and it’s not something that just happens because everyone else is doing it.

Thus lately, I’ve been practicing playing the game – and this has been difficult to me because I have a tendency to feel diminished, and limited when I follow these rules – as if my freedom of expression somehow is being diminished, and that I am being disempowered, because I can’t express myself as I usually do when I am alone. This sometimes leads me into attempting to revolt, where I create these small insurgencies, and break the rules, to feel free – though the problem here is that I then compromise the relationship that I was building with the person. Because I didn’t play the game as is expected, they might in some way react to me, which compromises my opportunities in terms of utilizing that particular relationship to move myself, and create my purpose, and direction in this world.

As such, for those out there still existing in a state of revolt, that do wish to have an impact in this world, and create a change for the many, I suggest that you let go of this revolt-character, and embrace the game – because realize that – in order to change the system, you have to walk into the system. You have to walk into the belly of the beast, and from there, stand as a living example, and in order to manage that – it’s required that you follow the basic social customs of the world system. And really, these rules, all that they can cause us, when we follow them, is that we’ll for a moment look silly, or do something that doesn’t make any sense – though after a split second or two – the moment will have passed and then we can again focus ourselves unto that which is important – to create a life that is best for all and utilize all resources in our lives to move that point of creation into fruition.

Day 240: What Is Real Independence?

independenceIf you who are reading this have reached an age above 18, I’m quite certain that you can relate the phenomenon called teenage rebellion, or the ‘breaking away from your parents’-phase. My own breaking-away period was to put it mildly, very aggressive and destructive, and the fascinating thing is that I did it in order to prove to my parents that I was now independent. Though, was I really ever independent when I had to PROVE my independence to someone else?

Nah, not really, because real independence has nothing to do with your parents, or anyone else for that matter, real independence is about yourself – and who you are in relationship to your own mind. Real independence is something that we are able to live regardless of where we are, with who we are, regardless of what we are doing, or when we are doing it – because real independence is the point of us STANDING as the SELF-DIRECTIVE principle within ourselves – which means that we direct ourselves in every waking moment according to COMMON SENSE as what is best for all.

Now, today I wish to write about my experience of moving back to my mother at the mature age of 28, something that in my own culture, is looked upon as a regression, and seen as a failure to ‘create your own life’ – because apparently – creating your own life means living in your own apartment, having your own job, your own friends, your own stuff, your own dreams, and so on. Though, let’s take a closer look on this cultural belief system – does it stand a thorough common sense investigation? Let’s see shall we.

Does having your own job, or being self-employed mean that you are ‘independent’? No – because your still connected to your employer, or customers – and obviously still dependent upon the monetary system to continue functioning properly. And with having your own apartment – that doesn’t really make you INDEPENDENT – but rather dependent on your apartment. So let’s face one often missed fact about this physical world – it’s based on relationships of dependency – there is not one single point in this world that stands independent. You can have millions of money and your bank-account and still – you and your life will be dependent upon a myriad of other beings and creatures in this world.

So, if independence can’t exist in this physical world? Then where can it be found? Well, independence is about WHO YOU ARE within yourself – it’s about how you approach things – being independent could for example entail having a ability to effectively assess information as to whether it’s reliable or not, and thus not allow yourself to be swayed by reactions and opinions of others. Or it could entail an ability to set goals for yourself, and move towards these, and in this process – not accept and allow yourself to change and compromise on the basis of what others would like your life to become. This would be real and practical examples of independence lived in the physical – coming from the internal and expressed in the external.

Thus, me moving home to live with my mother, does this say anything about my state of independence? No – because me as the expression of independence is something that I can live, walk and create each and every day regardless of my environment – because independence is about WHO I AM – and not WHERE I am. The fact of the matter is that moving home to my mother, out on the countryside was a specific, well planned, and thought through decision – something that I realized I wanted to do, because I have an affinity for the country side – thus actually a independent decision.

We can conclude with the following – in this physical external world it’s not possible to stand as a point independence – because all points affect each-other – and rather – embracing dependence and realizing how your actions and life will affect that of another is a key for the human race to move forward towards a better world for all. Though, independence can be lived internally, as WHO WE ARE, as HOW we approach things, as HOW we live – in this realm within ourselves we are able to stand independent and let our thoughts, words and actions be genuine representations of WHO WE ARE in-fact – where we do not anymore hide but instead express our individual and unique beingness expression – and live that which we’ve decided that we will accept and allow – and stop participation in that which we’ve decided that we will not accept and allow.

Day 176: Annoyed With Whiners

A point that I’ve realized brings up a reaction of annoyance within me is people that find problems, and issues with things.

What I’ve seen is that, when someone brings up a problem, or issue, something that they feel is weighing down their life, I think that: “That isn’t such a big deal! Come on, it’s nothing, just get over it!” – What I am doing is that, inside my mind, I blame, and judge this other individual for being what I perceive to be, all to weak, and fragile; I see them as a whiner, and as such, as someone that brings negativity into my world, and focuses on what doesn’t work, instead of how to make things work.

So, the question I’d like to ask myself is, where does this reaction come from?

I see that it holds two dimensions, on the one hand, I find that I’ve myself gone to the other extreme, where I mostly accept the conditions of my environment, and live with it even though it’s not optimal – and so I cope with what I find to be dislikable, instead of finding a solution, and a way to arrange my reality, so that it’s not as uncomfortable – this is as such my coping-character, my “soldier”-character – a way of living wherein I perceive it as a trait of strength and power to be able to handle and live with bad conditions. Obviously though, such a trait, although useful in some situations, will lead to self-compromise in others, wherein I accept my world, and reality to be in a lesser state of condition, than what it has to be potential for – and that is obviously not cool.

The other dimension I see in relation to this point, is that I myself tend to focus on the problem, instead of actively focusing on solutions – thus – I myself tend to whine about things that doesn’t work, which is something that I live out in the form of blame – placing the responsibility unto someone else instead of taking responsibility for it myself – thus this is something I must re-direct, to as such make sure that I myself take responsibility for the problems that enter my world, and make sure that I find solutions, instead of ending up in blame, and then not finding, or directing the point to a solution whatsoever. I mean, it’s obvious that I require to find a solution for the points in my world, and blame will not do that for me, blame will only put me in a position of being angry at everyone else for things not working as I’d like them to, which doesn’t change, or help, or assist with anything at all.

These are the two points I will look deeper into with self-forgiveness today:

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed with another when and as this person is sighing, and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see, and define sighing as a weakness that is somehow coming into and affecting my world, and my state of being, and that it’s as such something that people should keep to themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to sighing in becoming annoyed, and irritated, and start thinking about how I perceive this other person to be very weak, as well as whining, and complaining on their environment, and the conditions of their life, instead of directing the points, and actively doing something about it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as wrong, and as something bad to complain, and to become affected by the conditions of one’s environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as something isn’t very effective, or good in my environment, and something clearly isn’t working, to simply endure the discomfort, and try to live with it as best as I can, instead of actively doing something about the point, to change my environment to become more friendly, and workable, and better for me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress reactions, and instances within myself, where I see that my environment isn’t optimally supporting me, through thinking that I am able to endure the point – instead of in that moment looking for a solution in how I am able to change my environment and world to become more supportive for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and become annoyed and irritated with another when sighing, thinking that they are being lazy, and rather complaining about their lives, and the problem it contains, instead of doing something about them to change them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this reaction is showing me that I am doing the same to myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when things aren’t working, to instead of taking responsibility for them, and directing them to a solution, blame my world, and environment for not being in a way that I feel is supportive for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect, and want my environment to change according to my moods, and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to as a child, develop the misconception that, I am able to manipulate, and control, and direct my world by the means of my emotions, and that when I am sour, or angry, this will push my world to change – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the system doesn’t work within these parameters, that for the system emotions are irrelevant and don’t mean anything, and as such, if I do want a change in my life, it’s not enough that I become emotion about it, I actually have to will, and live the change, and physically move myself to establish a change in my world, and physically develop solutions for myself in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my world when things are tough, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my world is somehow personally attacking me, and making my life difficult, as some form of vendetta, or personal judgment, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the system is in-fact utterly impersonal, that the system doesn’t really care whatsoever, and that the only one making it personal, and making it emotional, that is me: And as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself from making points that are difficult and hard emotional – and instead walk through them as what they are – physical points that requires a physical direction – that I must deal with and take by the horns – and that I can’t accept and allow to take control of and power of my life – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision in me to move myself out of my mind and into the physical through not anymore taking my life personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am entitled to feel emotional when and as things get tough in my world, and that I am somehow right to feel hurt, and to feel angry, and blame, and whine about my world, and how it’s currently functioning, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am as a matter of fact not punishing, or making life difficult for anyone else but myself, I am the only one that is creating suffering, and havoc for myself through not accepting and allowing myself to remain stable, and without emotions in my daily life, and living, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop this constant attempt to take revenge on the system through blame, and instead take responsibility, and realize that responsibility is the only way out, it’s the only solution – it’s the only way to end the circle of blame and in-fact move towards a solution that will work for everyone involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify me becoming annoyed and vexed when and as someone is sighing, or complaining on their environment, through thinking that this is something that I would never do, and that becoming frustrated at them will teach them a lesson to not do this in the future, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I am limiting, and making myself inferior, through accepting and allowing myself to react to this pattern of complaining, and sighing, not realizing that it’s merely a pattern, it’s not something personal, it’s not something devious, and bad that I must protect myself from through reacting towards the point, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead ask the other person, what they are going through, what they experience, to instead of blaming, and becoming annoyed, understand and get to know what is happening, and why it’s happening

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it’s not solution to become annoyed, and irritated at whining, complaining and sighing, because within this I don’t accept and allow myself to see where I am living out this same pattern, as well as how I can support and assist another to move through their experience of themselves, because when I get angry and annoyed the point feels as if it is a personal attack towards me, and as such something that I must protect and defend myself from, something that I must make sure doesn’t come to close to me, and my life, because apparently, if it does, it will wreak havoc on my inner life, and world, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s merely energy, it’s merely a reaction, and nothing that I have to make anything more than that

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am becoming annoyed, and irritated with another because they are complaining, or sighing, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that complaining, whining and sighing is not bad things, and it’s not things that will have a negative effect on me unless I immediately push them away, it’s instead simply patterns of living and reacting towards one’s environment, and as such I commit myself to stop the reactions, and instead, when there is an opportunity, get to know the reactions, ask the person what they are going through, look at what possible solutions there are, and how I am able to assist and support another to move through the reaction and instead look at the situation in the search of solutions

When and as I see that my environment isn’t supportive for me, and that it can become much better, but I disregard this fact, and instead attempt and try to endure my environment, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it’s not effective solution to try to endure what is here, and that I should obviously rather look for solutions and ways in which I am able to change and direct my environment to become more supportive for me, and to become more aligned with my life, and living so that I am able to create a world, and a life for myself that is more effective, and supportive, and enjoyable; and thus I commit myself to instead act and look for solutions and ways to make my life easier and better – instead of enduring with what isn’t effective and what isn’t working