Tag Archives: equal life foundation

Day 394: A Decade With Desteni

In late 2008 I found videos on Youtube which contained a young female from South Africa explaining ‘reptilian logic’. One of the peculiarities was that the female did not speak in her own personal capacity. In the beginning of the video she breathed out heavily, and then took a deep in-breath, and through this process she was able to portal various forms of expressions in existence to come and speak through her body. I had never seen such a thing up to that point in my life and naturally I was blown away. For several months I was transfixed by these videos, and there were already at this point several hundreds of them, and half a dozen of new videos were uploaded every day. This was how I found DESTENI – and this was the beginning of how I came to change my life completely.

When I found the Desteni videos I was a disillusioned, angry, and lazy young man. I was looking for some kind of adventure and purpose in my life. I really had no idea what I was going to do with myself – however – I knew that I did NOT want to become part of the system – I did not want to spend my life breaking my back in the literal or figurative coal mines of the world. I felt a great resistance towards adults and the life they led and judged them as sellouts – that had given up on their childish drive to express in order to ascertain a secure livelihood. Obviously, at this stage in my life, I was still very much immature, and had not yet understood the demands and pressures of living in this world – because I had always had my survival ensured by my parents – there were always enough money – and thus I could afford to judge and place myself outside of the current money system.

This all changed with Desteni. In late 2009 I decided to travel to South Africa to stay on the Desteni farm for three months. Here I met with Destonians from all kinds of locations and nationalities and with the founder of Desteni, Bernard Poolman. It was during my stay at the farm that I came to see that I did have some severe character problems that I had to change. One of the core issues that I identified was laziness and my tendency to move around aimlessly, without direction, without purpose, doing that which I wanted to do because I found it fun/entertaining, and not caring about contributing towards creating something substantial in my own life, let alone in the lives of others. During my stay at the farm I was encouraged to develop DISCIPLINE and to make a DECISION as to the PURPOSE/DIRECTION of my future life. I made the decision within myself to GO FOR IT – and I utilized the tools of Desteni (self-forgiveness, self-commitment statements and writing yourself to freedom) to push my boundaries and go where I had never gone before.

When I got home I decided upon my direction in life – I studied to improve my marks from college and was later admitted to the university. Here I made it my PURPOSE to LEARN and ACQUIRE as much knowledge and skill as was possible in my given field – and for a period of five years – I was completely engulfed in my studies – and recommitted myself each day to do my utmost. I graduated with grades that reflected my commitment and steadfast application – something that I would NEVER have been able to do without the assistance and support of Desteni, the courses, the support and the tools they offer. The Desteni group, that was always a part of my life, helped me as a reminder, to refocus and continuously bring myself back to that which is IMPORTANT – that which is SUBSTANTIAL – that which actually MATTERS. Because, it is SO easy to get lost in this world. There are temptations everywhere – and so many of us invest extreme amounts of energy, effort, time and money into shallow relationships, short term gratifications such as drugs, alcohol, money and sex – while missing that which is of most pressing importance – WHO WE ARE – and OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OURSELVES.

Desteni has consistently assisted and supported me to bring myself back to that which is important and significant – that which actually means something on a long term basis. Through the courses and tools offered by Desteni I have been able to empower myself in ways which I could not have imagined. It is truly fascinating to have witnessed and been a part of my own process of transformation – where I have moved myself from an obstinate adolescent – to instead wanting to and being willing to walk in this world – to integrate myself into society and the workforce – so that I am able to contribute and give as I would like to receive.

It is now a Decade since Desteni formed and began producing content aimed at supporting people to make the best out of themselves and their lives. For me, that has been part of this organization for several years at this point, I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to have been given the chance to walk with such a rock solid group of people and to have received their support and guidance. Desteni has given me the opportunity to become and do so much MORE in this life – I have grown and matured as a person which is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I now dream about a world where everyone will be given the same opportunity as I have and that is something I will strive to create. Everyone deserves the opportunity to develop themselves and their lives and make something extraordinary out of it – this is what Desteni provides.


Learn more about this way of living

Day 45: I Testify – Here is My Witness-Statement

I am Viktor Persson from Uppsala, Sweden, and I was born in Stockholm, Sweden in the year of 1987. I finished high-school year 2006, and began my university studies 2011 – and I’ve selected to study the degree of law. I joined the Desteni Research Group through the Equal Life Foundation in the end of 2008 – when I also started my investigations of my mind, and what it means to live.

I started walking my process, and I’ve visited the farm, and throughout my process I’ve kept a journal about my understanding and practical application of it.

The duration of my first visit to the farm was 6 months, and the second visit was 1 month; through visiting the farm I learned that living doesn’t have to be a struggle, and that it can be enjoyable. That there are always new challenges to take on, and new points of self-expansion to be walked – and that life never stagnates unless self accepts and allows this to happen through valuing fear more than self-expansion. I have learned the value of discipline, consistency, principles, and living-ideals – and I have understood that change can only become a living reality through practical application in the physical – not through thinking about it.

In my process of keeping a journal, and investigating the Desteni Material – I’ve become more emotionally stable, assertive, decisive, strong, self-independent, self-confident, and I’ve decided to study law – which is something that I wouldn’t have done unless I became involved with the Desteni Research Team. Never have my participation with Desteni been motivated by Money – but my motivation has sprung from the sheer substance, and value that is to be found in the Material that Desteni presents; thus Desteni is NOT a Pyramid Scheme!

Through walking, and applying the Desteni Tools During the last 5 years – I have:

Transcended apathy; I now care about the direction of my life, my future, my well-being – and the well-being of those whom I share my world with.

Transcended social-anxiety; I now enjoy talking, and communicating with people in my life – and get to know new human-beings – I look with excitement at the prospect of expanding my network of acquaintances – instead of fearing it.

Learned how the world functions; I’ve humbled myself – and realized that I know very little about how the world functions – and within that I’ve begun my research too understand how the world functions – and I have learned A LOT – simply because I now care about myself, and my effectiveness in this world – and the daily impact I have on other people.

Transcended the desire for fame; I do not anymore look to become famous – and my life do not circle around me “making it” with my music – instead I’ve given myself a new purpose – to become the best I can be in this life – and to make this earth/world the best it can be.

Developed self-discipline; I am now very disciplined – and I am able to effectively structure the time of my day – and prioritize my tasks – allowing me to be a highly productive, effective, and functional human-being – and due to this I am able to walk several projects all at once without allowing this to compromise my presence and stability.

Developed self-assertiveness; I now stand comfortable alone – I don’t search for friendships – I instead develop contacts with people as a decision that I do without a secret agenda to feel accepted – I am now able to make decisions, and stand by these and not need the confirmation and support from someone else that I am “doing right” – I’ve learned how to think critically, and consider physical priorities – and thus I am able to make effective decisions, and trust my decisions.

Learned English; I am now highly effective in the use of the English language – both in speech, and in writing – all due to having consistently a kept journal of my research of the Desteni Material.

Developed effective communication skills; I am now able to speak with much more clarity, and self-trust – and convey points with great ease – I’ve for example received feedback several times from my teachers that my communication is clear – and concise – and that people understand me when I speak – I take this as feedback that my communication-skills have become much more effective.

Developed self-introspection/reflection, and self-correction skills; when something happens in my world that I react towards – I am now not anymore a helpless victim to my reactions – I am able to immediately deal with, walk through, and correct the reaction – and my living – through using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitments, and living the self-correction – as such I now trust myself to walk through this life effectively without falling – because I know that I have the tools for me to live effectively, and I am an expert in the use of them.

Developed my reading abilities; I am now a effective reader – this is due to how I have for the last 5 years spent countless of hours reading the Desteni Material – and also developing my vocabulary, and writing-skill through keeping a journal – thus I am now able to read most literature fast, and with effective comprehension – allowing me to be very effective in the world-system.

Developed relationship/partnership-skills; before Desteni I was not effective in communication, and intimacy-development in relationships – since I began my research at Desteni I’ve begun to develop this point – and the moment I am walking a relationship within which I’ve been able to establish an effective communication, and also express myself intimately – as such allowing me to walk a functional, and fulfilling relationship with another.

Learned to Forgive; before Desteni I held the adult-world in contempt for my failure as a human-being – in particular my parents; since Desteni I’ve forgiven my parents and established a fulfilling, and functional relationship with them that is emotionally stable and mutually beneficial.

Developed a relationship with my human physical body; I now care what food I eat – I care about the state of my body, and I am able to understand when it is something that I am eating that cause a imbalance in my physical body – and within that correct the point; and as such I’ve developed a effective physical communication with my body that have allowed me to live a more healthy, awake, and fulfilling life.

Thus – this is my witness-statement – this is what I’ve experienced, walked through, and understood in my five years with Desteni; Prooving that Desteni is NOT a scam – This is not hear-say but I’ve experienced this first-hand – thus – this is the evidence I show for anyone that is interested in knowing what is Desteni, and what are the effects of Desteni – Here is the Answer – I am the Answer.

 

FAQ Cars In An Equal Money System – Who Will Make Them And Who Will Get Them?

There will still be cars in an Equal Money System, yet there won’t be a array of different brands, standards, price classes and variations – there will be one single type of car – the best car available; the conscription force of the Equal Money System will be responsible of building the cars.

Whether each and every citizen of an Equal Money System will have his or her own car is still not certain, the question that will be asked, and answered in order to determine such a point will be, is it necessary? Is it what’s best for all? There won’t be the same urge in an Equal Money System for all to have their own car – the reason being that in an Equal Money System interaction, communication, and neighborly love between humans will expand – as such fewer will want to drive around in a car all the time, when there is more fun things to do.

Though at the moment, what’s certain is that there will be cars, and these cars will be located at various logistic points, where you go and get your car, when you’re in need of one. As such, you’ll get yourself the car you acquire, and then you’d be free to go where you wanted to go – around the world? Or too your mothers uncle in the neighbor town? That is up to you.

Obviously the cars with the least environmental damaging wastages will be used – and cars will be made to give the best protection possible to it’s passengers, as accidents will still happen, though in an Equal Money System, accidents will be less devastating – as all cars will be the best when it comes to protection.

Further, all alcoholic beverages will be banned – which will have a major effect on the car traffic; less people will die by the hands of drunken drivers – as drunk driving will be seen and understood for what it really is – attempt at murder – as you by your full senses, by drinking, take a decision that will decrease your ability to drive a car, and such rise the likelihood of you harming someone – that is murder if you then kill someone, or at least attempt at murder when you don’t.

Thus, in an Equal Money System, you’ll be protected from being harmed due to a decision that isn’t in anyway your own – such as a drunk harming you, or your family – through driving recklessly and without any consideration. You hade no part in the decision to drink – and as such the decision to drink isn’t a free choice, as it wasn’t free for all – but for those that become affected, and harmed by such a decision – they never made that choice. Alcohol will as such be banned as the devastating and dangerous drug that it in-fact is.

As for the choices to be done in terms of what role cars will play in our future – and how this point will become more specifically placed, this will be a decision made by the group as one – wherein humanity come together and make a decision upon the basis of what is best for all – considering all the relevant points.

Communism is the Law of Attraction

Communism is based upon the same principle as the law of attraction. Now – let’s look at how this is so.

Firstly – what is the principle that the law of attraction is based upon? It’s based upon the principle of lack. Consider how it is that you create through using the law of attraction: you create through stating that you’re lacking something. An example would be the following: I lack money, as such I will through thinking and imagination, through envisioning me with money, a long with building up that nice feeling of ownership, create money in my world – using the emotion and experience within you as lack, as not having any money, to create a polarity feeling of have, as having money.

As such you have defined yourself as a have not within yourself as well as created the polarity of have – as how you would think and experience yourself if you had money. And as such you’re creating from a starting point of lack, as I currently do not have – and I must have – in order to be satisfied with myself and my life.

Before we look at how communism is based upon the same principle as the law of attraction I will shortly explain the idea of communism.

Communist theory claims there are two distinct classes in society: the workers and the employers. Further it claims that all suffering in society comes from the employers using the workers labor to earn money, reaping more rewards than what the workers do, as such creating lack and stealing resources from the worker. The solution that is proposed is that the workers revolt and overthrow the employers and ‘take back’ the rewards of their labor.

Now let’s look at how communism operates by the same principle as the law of attraction. As a communist worker you’d state: I don’t have enough power and influence in society, and I lack the rewards of my labor, I am as such a have not. And you then define yourself as lacking.

On the other hand, you think, those who have the power, influence and reap the rewards of my labor in society is ‘the employers’ as the have’s. And as such you create a polarity within yourself wherein you define yourself as the negative polarity, as lacking, and the employers as the positive polarity as those that have.

And then you proceed to apparently create your abundance through taking from those that have what you apparently do not have, and what you’re apparently unable to create and manifest for yourself. But, because you’re creating from a starting point of lack, as the polarity opposite of abundance, you’ll manifest this into the world – as now the employers will instead be those that lack, and you’ll be the one that holds the ownership.

The solution is to create without polarity, without a self-definition of oneself as either a have or have not – but instead create here as breath without a purpose of ‘building wealth’ aka ‘removing lack’ – because such a starting point implies that lack in-fact exists. Lack only exists when you accept and allow yourself to define yourself as lack and then create from the starting point of lack.

Equal Money is based upon the principle that there needn’t to be any revolution; we don’t need to take another’s assets in order to supply everyone with sufficient of resources to live a cool life – because there is in-fact enough for everyone. And instead of creating from a starting point of ‘I lack’ and consequently ‘I must have’ – we create from the starting point of common sense, as considering what expression or manifestation I could create that would support me, as well as the rest of life.

Whatever that may be ­– I’ll then simply create it – without having to confront and revolt towards another in order to do so. And as such we create our own wealth instead of whining, comparing, and defining ourselves according to definitions of have and have not’s – instead living what is best for all, being our own source of creation.

Creating something from nothing.

Food Inc. and The Horrific Nature Of Our Money-System

A documentary called – food inc. – I dearly recommend to anyone interested in knowing how our current food-system operates, and how it is contained and trapped within our current capitalistic money-system.

In this documentary it’s explained as to how the chickens grow now in comparison too some 30 years ago. Chickens now grow from babies to 5 and a half pounds in about seven weeks – this is an extreme growth-rate in comparison to how the chickens grew before; when a chicken in 3 months only grew to be the half of that size – this exponential difference as to the speed in which the chickens come to develop their muscles has the consequence that many of the chickens can’t walk – their legs, their bone-structure and their organs is simply not strong enough, as they are not developed in the same rate as the muscles are.

When the farmers are asked – what do they think? Those interviewed shake their heads as they essentially see that this isn’t actually farming – but an industry of death. But they still conclude – why should I buy a chicken that grows twice as slow, and reaches twice the weight, when I can buy this other type of fast growing chicken? This clearly indicates that the reason for animal abuse is money, and that the farmers are not actually able to stand as, and live as the principles that they see are the best for all, as they are more concerned about their survival – knowing that – if they have no money, they will not survive.

And so it is that animals have to suffer, as the entire food-industry is completely focused upon profit and economical gain – wherein the big corporations are in charge – and through their sheer power in money, control the markets and set the rules, with not care or consideration as to the suffering that they are responsible for bringing in to this world – what-so-ever.

Further:

A clever and dubious way that these chicken-corporations have designed to blackmail farmers for money, is to now and then demand that the farmer upgrades, or re-builds his or hers chicken coop – with parts supplied by the corporation. This then costs a lot of money – often the farmer must go to the bank, and take on a debt as a loan in order to do the demanded  construction work; from that point on, the farmer is caught in the net of the corporation; dependent upon the corporation to supply this specific race of chickens, so that the debt can be paid off, and if the farmer refuses to follow through with upgrades demanded of the corporation, the corporation will end the contract with the farmer.

This is but one of the many fascinating, and horrifying facets of capitalism, which this movie depicts. Capitalism is shown, as what it is – a system completely out of bounds – with no regard to life at all – with no regard the organisms, to animals, to the earth itself – non the less people. Corporations force themselves forward, hiring attorneys, infiltrating top positions in the government, all the pass the necessary laws, sue the necessary people, all the earn money – that people suffer, that people loose all that they got – that the earth suffers, that all that is created is a existence of suffering – this does not at all bother the corporation; at the moment that is. Though when it comes down to the details, the specificity as to who actually is behind this system and the consequences it brings – we see that it’s ourselves, and our own individual actions of greed, and fear – wherein we regard only ourselves, and our life, our happiness and simply do not recognize that there are more to life than ourselves.

But – earth is changing, our actions and the compounded consequences of our actions are now visited upon us – our money system is collapsing as greed is going out of control, as the fear to survive possess the very flesh of each and every human-being alive.

Though – there is a solution – equal money for all.  Until we get to that point – there is the desteni “I” process – which is the way you will be able to secure an income for yourself, even in the hard times that are to come. Many are going to suffer – many are going to be without anything what-so-ever. Though, those that walk with us – in the desteni “I” process – they will have a stable future – until we have placed an equal money system, to finally, and once and for all end the suffering, as the outflow of our current money system, and the greed that lies at the root of it.

So join desteni “I” process – I am recruiting, thus contact me and I will recruit you. I seek 10 people to be my recruits – your welcome to apply.

Self-Expression Emerge

Today I’ve made a big mistake in my application, and it wasn’t a mistake as in me being self-dishonest, it was a mistake as in me not being aware of my surroundings and as such placed myself in a position of loosing time – which actually is self-dishonest.

I was to have a meeting at my school, tomorrow, yet when I looked in my time book I had written the wrong date, and as such I stormed of to the illusionary meeting – only realizing while I arrived at the illusionary meeting – that the meeting was illusionary – because the meeting was the next day.

So it was interesting to get to the illusionary meeting, because there was another meeting that was commencing – I decided to join in – this brought up ridiculous amounts of fear – as I feared that anyone was going to question me, as to why I was present at this meeting that wasn’t meant for me. Though – I continued to breath, I continued to push through, and as such I remained at the meeting and achieved the understanding of some points of information that was relevant – nice – I managed to make an illusionary meeting, to something real.

So, lately during these day’s I’ve experienced myself extensively self-expressive, it’s like I’ve opened up the point of unconditional self-expression – wherein I notice and see the world completely different than before, and I am much more attentive, as to what is going on in my reality. Now, as I walk through town – I am able to spot details, such as the eye’s of people as they walk past me, or I mean, really small stuff that happen in my reality – it’s like a veil has come of from my eye’s and like I’ve opened up to more information. The reality that is here being –information in movement.

I’ve also noticed this new kind of expression as I said, this openness and vulnerability, silence that has started to develop and come through. It’s like I am much more keen to what happens in my reality, and I don’t avoid it – or turn away, to suppress myself, or avoid people, or situations – instead I look people in the eye, I follow the situation, I respond and I interact directly, and in much more “harmony” so to speak – in a much more direct way, and this is really fascinating – it’s like I’ve pushed through a point of control – that I am now allowing myself to simply let go, and flow – like water.

In terms of the bullshit that I’ve faced today – there has been some fascinating points – especially one: I stood in the library, and I got in the queue, I noticed an old lady also getting in the queue after me – I noticed she became slightly frustrated, and angry when the librarian asked me before her – in this I started to feel very uncomfortable, and I started to think – is she causing this experience within me? Is she sending inter-dimensional knives and spears at me?

In this moment I simply breathed, and I saw that I was almost through and clear from this experience – that I as the physical wasn’t anymore controlled or directed by this experience, to the extent that I before have been – so this was very cool.

I now realize as I write about this – that it shouldn’t matter if people send me inter-dimensional knifes and spears, if I am self-honest and effective in my application I will be able to stand through anything – walk through anything without this having an influence upon. If it has an influence upon – this simply shows me that I am still not fully walking equal and one – and that there are still points to correct.

I’ve further been doing music, and I’ve further caught myself in my mind attempting to make plans for the future – regarding studies in economy, and language – I notice that I often do these things – I make plans in my mind – plants – but I don’t have the actual time and space capacity to walk them through. Then I will act upon the plan, only to later realize – that such a plan isn’t going to work for me – because I don’t have sufficient with time.

So – I am walking the process of prioritizing my time – looking at what it is that is crucially necessary for me to do – what is that is really required of me, and what is that I can wait with – what is that isn’t crucially required of me. And I’ve found that many of the things I decide to do – isn’t crucially required of me – but they are instead these points of ego that I take on in order to make myself feel better – instead of seeing what it is that is actually required of me in my reality, and what will support me here, and in the future.

So, I’ve seen that some of the points that I’ve decided to take on – like learning a new language, like learning about economy, are actually points that I will have to give up upon – at this moment – as there is simply to much other shit for me to do.

Then – I’ve further today faced points of desire, as in an tempting, sensual energy raising from within me as I’ve observed, and let my eyes pass certain female bodies. This energy has been very strong, and it’s this energy that always brings up the consideration within me – that maybe, just maybe – is there someone that is better for me – maybe there is better sex, maybe there is someone that is meant for me – maybe I am missing out on something.

I am becoming better at catching these thoughts now, and catch them at their origin, which is the seeing of a female physical body with specific proportions. Though, I still see – that my female search mode is still active – as I still allow myself to go into a mode of searching for, and attempting to through judgments, value and compare, who might be the best for me – who might I be the happiest with? Is there someone that I am missing? Someone that I will feel extra connected with?

But – the very prime point within these thoughts, is sex – and the desire to have and experience sex with a female of a very specific body type – I see that there is still much self-forgiveness on this point in order for me to be able to let go of this delusion – as this delusion is something that is very ingrained within me, a ship that I will jump upon as it arrives because I believe it to be true and real – and I really, truly, and fully believe that I am missing out on something crucial and important when I don’t have access to a specific type of body in my reality in relation to sex.

It’s fascinating – through my entire sex life – I’ve never been satisfied with the females body that I’ve been with – there has always been something wrong, something that I didn’t want – something that I thought was disgusting, something that I wanted someone to fix and change – so that I didn’t have to walk with them – so that I could abandon them and blame it upon their bodies.

I remember specifically one girlfriend – towards which body I became obsessed as it being to fat, I became really nasty as I attempted to manipulate this girls backchat in order to loose weight – I mean – really fucked up shit; wherein I allow myself to abuse the physical, as the unconditional expression of a human physical body into and as a specific sort of shape only because I feel aroused, as I watch upon such a shape. Arousal – that in itself is a completely fake, delusional and illusionary energy that only lasts for so long – then is gone – while a being, a body – is here all the time, and is actually the reality that I am facing and living together with. The looks mean nothing – it’s the actual being that becomes my world, and the being has nothing to do with looks at all.

1.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am missing my school – that I am not going to get the top-grade, top results, and be a top student

2.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am missing out on cool jobs – jobs that I would have fun in – jobs that I would feel important in – if I don’t get top grades

3.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will live a future of little money – that I won’t be rich – if I don’t get top grades

4.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to flunk and fail, to fear that I am not going to understand or know the questions on the test – in fear that I will fail at my course, and be given a document saying that I have complete this course

5.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry, and fear that I will not be able to do anything in the future with my degree

6.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear that I will not be able to get a job – to get a stable income – if I don’t get the best grades possible

7.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t be able to live out my dreams of happiness, as in getting a dog, living on the countryside, having country-interests, if I don’t get top-grade results

8.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t become important in the future, if I don’t get top results – to fear that I won’t be able to become a judge, or a attorney, or a lawyer – within the belief that such people are more effective than what I am

9.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are people – that are more than me – more godlike and better – due to their education – due to the knowledge they have accumulated

10. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to miss a once in a life-time opportunity – if I don’t get a top result at my test – and I don’t receive a top grade from my teachers in relation to my test

11. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and be anxious that my life will come to nothing, that my dreams will come to nothing, if I don’t become the best lawyer, the best student in the entire school

12. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with grades, to become possessed with becoming the best, to become possessed with the desire to make much money in the future

13. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire, need, require to make lot’s of money in the future – to become rich and wealthy and be able to buy anything that I desire

14. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to live without debt, to live in stable life, a certain life, even though others don’t

15. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire my life to be more than others – my life to be filled with money, and luxury, even though others are filled with poverty

16. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear money, to fear loosing money, to fear becoming without money – having to face death, and the harsh nature of this reality as competition and struggle

17. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as this reality – as competition, struggle, as no-support, as no-help, as complete aloneness wherein there is no help to be gotten

18. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the brutal, harsh, ruthless nature of this world of those that have no money – to fear facing the disregard, the contempt towards life – as all people care about is money

19. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted and enslaved, disempowered, inferior, less than, money

20. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with others about money, to become changed when it’s about money, to start to think about how much money I have, have others stolen my money?

21. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, frustrated – in fear that I have lost my money – in fear that I have given away my money, and that I won’t be able to retrieve money from anyone else

22. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to achieve wealth in this life – to fear that others are going to steal my wealth – to fear that others are going to make it impossible for me to become wealthy

23. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, and frustrated – at those seemingly stealing my wealth

24. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, and frustrated when someone takes money from me – when someone removes a possibility for me to make money

25. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become greedy – to become need – and need, require and desire to have money – to have income – to have wealth – to have as much money as possible – so I will feel good about myself

26. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself desire and want to have as much money as possible – so I will be able to let go of the fear of loosing money – not realizing that I am able to do so here

27. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t be able to be wealthy – that I will become poor – that I will live in poverty, that I will live in less than I do now – that I won’t be able to complete my education – and that I won’t be able to get an effective job in the future

28. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to be left out in the future, out of the money system – that I am not going to be able to receive any money – earn anything so I am able to retain my possessions and keep my world stable and in order

29. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire, to have people love me – and desire to be in my world with me – because I have much money

30. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to have a studio, to have instruments, to have musicians that I am able to invite, to have fame, and recognition, and a purpose in my life as in doing music

31. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to become wealthy, to become super-rich, to become super millionaire – so I am able to feel secure, stable, and trust my reality – instead of seeing and realizing that I am able to give this to myself here

32. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fear is only as real as I make it – that the fear of facing the harshness, ruthlessness and disparity of this reality – is only something that I can fear, if I allow myself to fear it

33. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am able to stand calm, stable, directive, in and self-trust in any moment, or experience that might happen to me – that it doesn’t matter what I face, or why – because I am able to stand silent no matter what

34. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that place stability, silence, calm, outside of myself – as in needing my world to be filled with money for me to be able to be filled with stability and calm

35. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define calm, self-trust, stability – as the presence of money – instead of seeing that real calm, stability and self-trust – comes from the presence of me

36. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be present – to not give myself a present as myself

37. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire security from money – not allowing myself to see that there is no security in money, and that the fear I experience can only be removed when I allow myself to forgive and let go

38. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of fear of not having money – in fear that I then won’t care anymore, and that my world then will go straight to hell

39. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret myself, to become judgmental towards myself that I’ve given away money – thinking that I could have felt and experienced myself much more secure – if I wouldn’t have given away my money

40. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I would have been able to relax, and buy stuff that I wanted – feel at ease in my reality if I knew that I had more money in my bank

I realize money can’t change my experience of me if I don’t allow it – I don’t accept and allow it – I am here – I am breath – I don’t need – I don’t desire – I don’t require – I am fulfilled – I am here as breath

1.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to sex

2.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to have sex with several partners

3.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to undress a woman, to slowly take of the clothes of a women, that I define and see to be as picture perfect – in the desire to experience the excitement before sex

4.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become excited before sex – as in thinking that – yes I am going to be able to have sex

5.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to contact people in my reality – only to have sex with them – only to be able to experience myself with them in sexual intercourse

6.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aroused when I see female bodies with the bone structure of having picture perfect assess – that are firm – that are well-shaped, that are tight, that are rounded, fit

7.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aroused when I see a bum that is fit, tight, and that has legs under it that are long, thin, fit legs

8.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and to have sex with such women’s of the properties I described above – thinking, believing, regarding that such a women will be able to satisfy me and give me full pleasure

9.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disappointed that A doesn’t look as I desire the picture perfect woman to look – with the picture perfect legs, the picture perfect body shape, the picture perfect face – everything being picture perfect

10. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to be able to touch, feel, hold a woman’s leg, a woman’s, buttocks in my hand – and be able to move it around as I have sex – in the desire and want to feel stronger than the woman

11. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to become aroused to the photoshoped pictures of sex I have installed and saved in my mind – as how woman’s should look – how a body should look – how thin, fit, muscular, tight a body should look – as in the very thin shapes, without any fat at all – with picture perfect breasts, and the entire body holding very specific proportions

12. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aroused when I look at a females Venus mountain – when I look at the groin area of a female – becoming obsessed with the thought of being able to undress a woman, and be with a woman while she is naked – in the desire and the want to experience myself naked – and in full ecstasy with a woman as I fully let go and become wild while having sex

13. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to be able to push down my leg between the legs of a female – to be able to merge myself as one flesh with a female – becoming one flesh as I have sex with a female

14. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to be able to merge with, and become as one flesh when I have sex with a female – wherein I attempt to push myself, to place myself, as close and as much pressed towards a human as possible

15. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am missing out on something – that I am missing out upon sex, desire, real happiness – as I don’t have sex with as many females as possible – but only one

I am here

I realize sex is a physical – not a mental act – as such pictures hold no value – I delete pictures, I delete reactions towards pictures – I breath – I am here

Meeting an Old Childhood Friend

Yesterday I met a childhood friend, it was fascinating and many points opened up.

When I first met him, I noticed that I felt physically, quite comfortable in his presence – and there where moments with him, in which I burst out laughing – enjoying the moment here with myself, and another.

Though, there where many moments in which this enjoyment got replaced with discomfort, the reason I’ve found to this discomfort – which has come up when people start to speak about bullshit – is that I am afraid of disagreeing, that I am afraid of not fueling and giving validation to another as he speaks. And this was happened several times yesterday as my friend from childhood spoke.

He spoke, in essence, bullshit – bullshit about that – bullshit about that – gossip about that – gossip about this – I mean, in normal cases I would have simply not participated – simply walked away, or disregarded the situation, as this would not have been something I would have wanted to participate in – though, this time – only due to the fact that he was a childhood friend, I noticed that I was forcing myself to stay in his presence – I was forcing myself to continue my interaction with him, even though I simply wanted to walk away, and not anymore be a part of that moment of conversation, of bullshit.

So – I allowed myself to remain, and participate in, and present a fake-presentation of agreeing as my friend spoke about bullshit – god – quite horrific experience, and the reason for it – was a deeply situated fear within me, of conflict – that got even more pronounced when it was an childhood friend, a important, and defining childhood memory that was sitting in front of me. Thus – I played along, “for old friends sake” – and I mean, it was horrific.

This is one thing that I’ve noticed with myself since I started, and walked this process for a while – I don’t have any friends anymore. And I don’t allow myself to compromise myself, to almost anyone – I say almost because obviously there are still points of self-compromise existent within me – but most of the points are gone. Vanished and erased from within me.

Though, these last day’s I’ve seen a point of self-compromise come up more and more, this being the point – as the fear of others not being pleased with me.

It has come up so far during two occasions – one time – I was sitting with my study-group, and we where working – then came my friend and we started to talk – upon which I noted that my entire study-group went into resistance, and basically – some kind of anger and frustration that I wasn’t anymore listening to them, but instead placing value upon my friend – this was fascinating, and it brought up a reaction of fear within me – wherein I completely complied with the groups experience and feeling, and I started to search for way’s in my mind – as to get my friend to leave as quickly as possible.

I also got into an experience of guilt – as I felt that I had now ruined the effective study atmosphere through allowing my friend to come and start speaking by our group – so it was fascinating.

Another point of anger, and frustration that arises within this – is that – how dare my friends simply come and talk with me, in front of my study group, without asking my for my permission first – then thoughts of retribution come up as I think – “I should have said to him that he isn’t allowed to come, I should have been more strict, I should have been more harsh with him” – as points of anger and frustration – that in a way, or that is valid.

I mean, I am the directive principle of my world – thus – if I am spending time with one thing, and I don’t want to be bothered, or disturbed as I do this one thing, it’s up to me – it’s my responsibility to make sure that I am not bothered, and that I am not disturbed. And this is done through speaking the words necessary to be spoken in order to have my world – align it to what I want to do in that moment – obviously within the consideration of what is best for all, so it’s not only “me” and “me” – but that I check, that my want doesn’t hurt or harm anyone else in that moment.

So – I mean, this same kind of play-out happened then, yesterday again – wherein I was the administrator during one of our seminars – I then noticed that the teacher wanted to say something, at this moment, one of the students started to speak. I then experienced myself angry, frustrated that the student was speaking, and that the teacher wasn’t allowed to come forward and speak. This was fascinating – because afterwards I realized – that I had in that moment actually valued the student speaking, to be less than the teacher speaking. That I had affirmed and validated the idea of stature and position – as the student being less entitled to speak, and express than what the teacher is.

So, I hastily gave the word to the teacher and experienced a sense of well-being, as I felt that I had done something good – supported the system – followed the rules – and as such I rewarded myself.

Another point that opened up during this class seminar was when one of my classmates, a male, started to speak without me giving him “the word” – “his turn to speak” – this brought up jealousy, and I could feel how my body, how I in energy formed the word – hate – anger – jealousy – and how I tensed up, and went into a comparison mode towards this male.

As I write this I realize that this specific man is actually someone that I’ve allowed comparison thoughts towards – his stature in the class, his looks, his way of expressing himself, his way with girls – his one of those males that I consider to be loved, successful, and confident – which I want to become like.

So that is basically it – apart from that I’ve experienced myself very silent, and still – this is a direct outflow of my effectiveness in sex – lol! I am sure of it! Because, this stillness and silence emerged after I managed to apply myself one and equal as “effective sex” – and as Sunette said – that having sex 6 time a week will make the experience of yourself a lot more smoother, and easier – I start to see why that is. Obviously – sex from the starting point of self, as physical, as here – not sex as mind, as pictures and the hunt for an orgasm – which is a completely different thing, and only helps to further compound and build upon energetic bullshit in the mind.

1.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous at x

2.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous at x, because he seems to earn more respect than me in the class

3.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself towards x – to desire and want to look like x – speak like x – and be liked like x – wherein people want to talk with me and touch me

4.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to have respect – to be loved – to be valued – to be seen as intelligent and powerful in and as my application of directing myself

5.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself towards x, to think that x is more successful and happy than me – and that I should become like x – because x has more influence in the class – where more people like x than me

6.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be liked – to be affirmed as a positive, strong, leader, a powerful leader – that is in the forefront of everyone else

7.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be able to regard myself, and think of myself as being a liked human-being, as being a loved human-being, that other people love and regard as a good – lovely – and appreciative human being

8.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire, to earn respect, to earn love, to earn a stature with people – wherein people see and regard me as a likable – changed – special human-being

9.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself in order to be liked and in order to please others

10. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear – guilt and self-judgment – when others aren’t pleased with me – when others experience resistance, frustration, and anger around me

11. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear – to go into anxiety and self-judgment when other do not see themselves as being comfortable, as loving me, as liking and appreciating me

12. I forgive myself that I have I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself, through making it a habit to always agree with people, to always say yes – to hide myself instead of showing myself – to be secret instead of being open

13. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and frustrated that I feel like others are abusing me, using me – taking advantage of me, when they become angry or resist me – not realizing that I get angry upon myself – for allowing myself to be affected and determined by such behavior

14. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be determined, created, made up out of the reactions of others – wherein I comply and submit myself to the experience, thought, and feeling of others – instead of allowing myself to stand here – equal and one

15. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self-judgment, to go into anger, to go into frustration, to go into self-hatred – because I haven’t allowed myself to remain uninfluenced, un-defined, as a  black hole in and as the matrix – that isn’t connected to any energy field – but remains here as one as equal as breath at all times

16. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become influenced, to experience fear, to experience anxiety, to experience doubt, when others attempt to control me – when others attempt to speak words of right and wrong in order to put me in a position of fear

17. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others believe, speak, and say that I am doing wrong in a moment – that I am being wrong – and that I as such can’t receive and be given the like and appreciation of others

18. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play along with right and wrong – to allow myself to believe that there is right and wrong – that there is good and bad – that I am able to say or do something bad – and that I can be put up against the wall – that I can become confined restricted in my answer, through a question

19. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am restricted to what others feel, think, speak, and believe

20. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am restricted and controlled by others – to believe that others only by their presence have more right, are more correct, are more trustworthy, are more powerful, are better than what I am

21. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, and frustrated and blame others – due to me allowing myself to become influenced and created by others

22. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become but a reaction – but a response pattern – designed and programmed to respond to what others say – or what others do – in fear of not being pleasant, not being satisfactorily, to my environment

23. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must compete with my environment, that I must compete and show others that I am worthy of love – appreciation and support, that I am not to be disregarded and shoved away – but that I am important and that I should be valued as such

24. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as fear of not being seen as apart of the group that is society – to fear that I will not be seen as apart of the group of money – in fear that I will not be supported, that I won’t receive any benefits, that I won’t receive any form of love and appreciation

25. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am being in the way in a moment or situation, to fear that I am taking to much space, that I am ruining or destroying other people’s days, that I am making people feel and experience themselves to be – not as comfortable, and enjoyable as what I experience myself to be

26. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others don’t consider me to be right

27. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others see me as wrong, as doing wrong, as doing bad, as doing evil, as not understanding, as missing points – in fear that I will become challenged and criticized for what I say or do

28. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking – to fear sharing myself – to fear opening myself up – in fear that I am going to be attacked – humiliated – destroyed by others as being wrong

29. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in right and wrong – to desire to be validated, appreciated, loved by my reality as being someone that always does right – that always follows the rules and do what is expected

30. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not doing what is right – to fear not doing what is expected of me – to fear not doing that which others feel and think that I should and must do

31. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going against the wished and desires of others

32. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not playing along – not doing that which others feel, experience, desire, want me to do

33. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and experience anxiety when I am at another’s house – using another utilities – in fear that I am doing something, or saying, or moving myself in a way – that isn’t supportive – that isn’t considered by the others as being correct and being right

34. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being correct

35. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that something that I’ve done, said, or express – has been considered and valued by another being as being wrong – as not being sufficient – as not being effective and specific enough – as not being good enough

36. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and experience anxiety, and judge myself – thinking, expecting, believing that what another say’s about me – that I’ve done wrong – is correct – is the right thing – and that I am inferior and less than others

37. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately judge myself when another say’s that I’ve done wrong – to immediately suppress myself, withdraw, give up – give in, when another say’s that I’ve done wrong and that I can’t trust myself

I am here

I breath and let go of right and wrong – what others say’s to me is irrelevant – only I as self-honesty is able to see and understand if there is a value in what others say to me – to react in and as fear – the moment others speak – is not supportive – though to listen to others here as breath – and see directly in and as self-honesty – without right and wrong – that is supportive.

Right and wrong is limitation – I am not limitation – I am the boundlessness of self-expression and presence of breath – I am here.