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Day 361: Experiencing Real Life Versus Walking Process

With process, I have noticed that it can be easy to create a rift between on the one hand walking process and on the other hand, enjoying and living a fulfilling life – where the belief that is created is that these two points are mutually exclusive. In the beginning of my process, this rift was more pronounced, however as I have continued to walk my process, what I have begun to do is to INTEGRATE my process into my DAILY LIVING.

What I have seen is the following: There are certain tools that must be used to walk process effectively, among these we find writing self to freedom, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements. In that way, process is confined to certain physical positions and movements. We must either sit behind a computer or with pen and paper in order to write, and sounding self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements, that usually requires that we are in alone. Those are the only parts of process that are bound to a certain time and space – because the REAL CHANGE process – that is walked IN daily life.

Thus, it does not make sense to separate walking process from living within and participating in our daily routines, walking our hobbies, interacting with friends, traveling, exploring, and experiencing the various opportunities of expansion that exists within life. Process should be a part of life. What I have seen, realized and understood is that if there is a sense of resistance/discomfort towards process, and feeling in a way, trapped by challenge that process represents, then there is a separation between walking process and the rest of our life – and the solution thus is to integrate process into all parts of our life.

Integrating process into our lives is simple, yet it requires us to be aware, ready and present – and open to challenge ourselves and how we have decided to live. This way of looking at and approaching process can open up new worlds to explore. For example, going to work, such a menial point, mostly seen as something undesirable, can become a way to get to know self and expand. It is thus all about WHO WE ARE within what we do – not about what we do.

This also relates closely with the point of future obsession and how it can be easy to get stuck in projections of the future and loose touch with the present. In-fact, it is not that important what we decide to do, what is important is WHO WE ARE – what we decide to do and who we decide to be within ourselves. Process, self-creation, self-expansion, and moving beyond what we considered possible for ourselves can thus be a integral part of all areas of our lives – and that is also the solution to stop separation – to stop the constant experience of conflict and separation that other wise reigns within us as we try to reach and attain the most luscious pasture that we can graze.

Thus, walking process is never something that is easy. It requires effort, dedication, diligence and movement – HOWEVER – we do not have to limit process to only certain actions and parts of our lives. Rather, process should be HERE regardless of where we are at, with process meaning that we at any given moment strive to improve, further, drive, and move ourselves to become MORE, BETTER and reach our utmost POTENTIAL.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my future, my purpose, my direction very, very seriously, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about life HERE, and that it is never about what I do, it is about WHO I AM – and that I can do all the apparent right things yet never move an inch within myself – because I have not actually moved WITHIN myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring my attention/focus/direction back HERE to myself – and place my attention on WHO I AM – place my attention on self-development – self-creation – and self-expansion in every moment of breath – to look at my daily living and see the obvious points of expansion that I can take on and begin to push those

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that a consequence of placing attention on the future, of creating conflict in relation to the future, conflict in relation to what I should become, how I should be, how I will experience myself in the future, is that I will loose touch with the physical HERE – loose touch with what is important and significant – which is my daily movement and direction HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to live an interesting and fulfilling life if I make process part of my daily living – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that this is an illusion that I have created, a belief that my life will become less if I decide to integrate process as part of my life – while this is not true – and in-fact – only an excuse and a justification for me not to live and create fully – completely – and with all of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the more I integrate process into my daily living – the more I expand – the more I am able to see – the more fulfilled and stable I become – and in-fact – I miss out on nothing at all – life thus is not supposed to be separated from process – because what is life without the drive and push to change and move self to become the best self possible?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will loose myself if I make process a part of my daily living – a part of my every moment application – not seeing, realizing and understand – that I will not loose anything – but rather CREATE a new SELF – that will be able to walk through and do something worthwhile with life – instead of going through the motions and then ending up not doing anything at all

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself having resistance towards process and applying myself because I rather want to get on with my life and just experience it, I take a breath and bring myself back here – I see, realize and understand that this separation between process and life is an illusion, something that I have created in the belief that there is something more to be experienced but myself HERE – and thus in a way trying to run away from myself – and thus I commit myself to make process part of my everyday life – through integrating process in my life in moments and in parts of my life where I see that I must expand/move/direct myself – and in the parts where I see that I am already strong – by enhancing those strengths even more – thus actively making process a part of myself and my life


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Day 355: The Insignificant, Becomes Significant

I experience my weekdays very, very differently. And mostly, it is not a matter of what happens throughout that day. It is about WHO I AM. The simple process of walking from my car to my work, one day I can experience that as boring and predictable, trapped in the rat race, and the other day, it is a small adventure that I step into. The walk is just a couple of hundred meters, but even so, if I push  myself to be present, stop my thinking processes, life opens up before me in the small.

Hence the title of the blog, The Insignificant, Becomes Significant, because that is what happens. The small things that usually go unnoticed, suddenly I am able to see them. During my walk to work, what fascinates me the most is the expression of nature. Birds are singing, flying around, or gathering food. The trees stand solid and rooted, and their foliage rustles in the wind. It is an entire world in its own. And what is remarkable is that this entire world can be easily forgotten. All it requires is one thought, and if I get hooked on the thought, instead of grounding my presence HERE, then I will not anymore be able to see, and take in what is around.

The greatest mistake we can make is believing that life is out there, behind the next creek. Children understand that there is no such thing as a life to come, and hence, they live and express themselves fully in each moment. As adults, the only thing that stands in our way from living with the same intensity and love for life, is ourselves. More specifically, our own thinking processes and energetic experiences – that is the veil we need to remove in order to see what is here.

I have seen, realized and understand, that I do not want to waste a single day, a single hour or minute, remaining stuck in an experience of blame towards the system, or reaction of apathy and lethargy towards having to work five days a week. It is not acceptable for me to be stuck in such experiences without actively moving myself to get out of them. Because, regardless of how convincing and overpowering these emotions might feel – they are never real. And the moment I allow an energy to define my relationship with life, I limit myself, and I miss out on being part of the Significant things that are here.

The solution is to continually push breath awareness, and to stop myself from participating in my mind, and with dedication, conviction and patience, bring myself back here – bring myself back to LIFE and participate here in this physical world.


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Day 331: Why We Should Reinvent Our Childhood

“Compared with adults, children do not yet have the ability to see a self that extends temporally into the future. This, however, is not a liability, but rather an asset that allows them to view their future without gloom and fully enjoy the present feelings of happiness. That is why the children of the world can look happy so long as they are happy in the present.”

― Yoichi Sakakihara, M.D., Professor of Ochanomizu University

Childhood, I remember that as a time in my life that was thoroughly enjoyable. Obviously, that is not so for everyone, as childhood can also be a terrible experience. However, as children, undoubtedly we do have an ability to live in the moment that surpasses that of any adult. I remember when I used to visit new places as a child, for example a forest, being sensitive, attuned, and completely in the present moment, it was an adventure without comparison. All my senses were active in experiencing and interacting with this new environment – and that ability to be FULLY here in the moment was what contributed to creating that almost magical feeling of adventure and astonishment at the small moments, that by adults were perceived as insignificant or completely missed.

This skill disappears as we age, and that is sad, because obviously, we as adults also need that sense of adventure and fulfillment in our lives, else, we simply become like robots, walking around to our next appointment, doing our thing, without really knowing why. From my perspective, and from what I have found, the reason why we loose this ability to be in the present moment is because we compare what is here to what has been, we actively use our experiences and memory-bank to define and give points to our current reality. This use of memory to interact with reality also dulls our senses and makes us less sensitive and attuned to the present moment. We thus miss so much of reality, because we are busy in our mind evaluating what is here, instead of LIVING with what is here.

One clear example of this is how adults tend to judge weather such as rain, storms, cold, and similar, as ‘bad weather’ and enter a gloomy experience, and oftentimes complain at the weather. What children do with bad weather is that they embrace it and allow themselves to experience and be part of and explore that particular moment of weather. For example, rain becomes an adventure without likes, as rain offers pools of water, and different animals come out from their hiding places to get moisture and look for food. Children hence know and apply one thing in their lives that we adults tend to miss, it is not about where we are, not about what we are, not about when we are, it is about WHO WE ARE – basically meaning that – we DECIDE what our present moment will be like – either a moment of presence/interaction/connection with the physical – or a moment of existing in our mind comparing what is here to what we would like it to be like.

As adults we look for life in all the wrong places, because we have forgotten that point of presence which we embodied as children. Life will not ever be born through realizing a dream or reaching a goal, such points are merely moments of satisfaction, and enjoyment, though not the same thing as the constant and fulfilling approach to reality that children master. Hence, the secret to life does not exist in changing our material physical world, it is instead within us, in our approach, and in essence, in our relationship with ourselves. If we want to have fulfillment, adventure, and enjoyment in our lives, this is where we should look, and not make the mistake of believing that the problem is our physical reality.

The above though is only true to some extent. We do undoubtedly have physical needs, we have to eat, drink, shit and piss – and if our basic needs are not fulfilled effectively – then it is not possible, or at least very difficult, to embody presence and live fully in every moment. This is why we require a new economic system with an equal distribution of resources – to make sure that everyone has to opportunity to discover and live their unconditional and childlike expression in this world.

What is then the solution? How is it that we return to our childlike selves? I find the following quote very supportive in this regard.

“Stop thinking, and end your problems.
What difference between yes and no?
What difference between success and failure?
Must you value what others value,
avoid what others avoid?
How ridiculous!

Other people are excited,
as though they were at a parade.
I alone don’t care,
I alone am expressionless,
like an infant before it can smile.

Other people have what they need;
I alone possess nothing.
I alone drift about,
like someone without a home.
I am like an idiot, my mind is so empty.

Other people are bright;
I alone am dark.
Other people are sharp;
I alone am dull.
Other people have purpose;
I alone don’t know.
I drift like a wave on the ocean,
I blow as aimless as the wind.

I am different from ordinary people.
I drink from the Great Mother’s breasts.”

― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

The solution to stopping our continuous adult contemplation and replace it with LIFE is to STOP thinking. Thinking not only steals our attention from the present moments, it also becomes the building blocks of our life, and the problem here is that we have not even investigated the consequences of our thoughts; what does our thoughts really create? We must remind ourselves that the future will only ever be an abstract concept, something we use to make sense of time and space, however, LIFE will only ever be HERE. Thus, when we think about the future it should only be to organize and plan for our life HERE, yet that plan must not, and in reality cannot, take precedence of what is HERE. Hence, a plan, or a goal, will never in itself fulfill us, give us peace and joy – if we want to experience such words for real – they must be created HERE in our everyday life – in the mundane and recurrent. And in doing that, what we will discover and understand, which children already see, is that life HERE is not mundane, it is a constant flow of new moments that we can only ever really see if we stop thinking and instead place our full awareness in the present.


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balance

Day 325: Remembering Balance

Remembering balance, this is something that I must push myself to do. I find it to be easy to me to loose myself in especially, career and future projections, hopes and desires of what I would be able to do, and how I would be able to feel out there, and then, forgetting about my life HERE. This way of living, where the future becomes more prominent than the present is a trait that has matured and developed as I have come of age, because as a kid, there was ONLY the present. And as a kid, there was no projection of a fulfilling future, because the present was sufficient.

I do see that as an adult it is important to have the skills of planning, foresight, and patience, as creating in this world, regardless of what it might, requires consistent action over space and time, nothing of magnitude can be created in but one moment. However, the great misunderstanding is to misinterpret a plan for the future, with the idea that fulfillment is as well awaiting us in the future. This feeling of a future fulfillment and completion is NOT real, and regardless of how convincing the inner experience might feel, it is very important to remember, that fulfillment is HERE, that LIFE is HERE, that self-expression is HERE, that physical LIVING is HERE. Even though I might realize and bring into fruition a complicated plan, the fact does not change, LIFE can only be created/lived/experienced HERE.

Hence, this is way balance is important, the balance between physical living/enjoyment/creation/expression HERE and planning/looking ahead/considering. Many adults seem to loose that balance as they come of age, and their lives become mundane, repetitive, walked as a routine, and not HERE as LIFE. And it is clear when comparing adults with children, the latter are so vibrant, happy, excited, filled with expression and experience, as they interact with their reality. And it is not about adults being more ‘wise’ and that adults have ‘seen’ and ‘understood’ what is all about, it is that adults are more in their heads, more in their memories, more in past experiences, and future projections, and hence in a way numb to experience the reality that is around and the life that is within them.

I have found that there are practical ways to retain, foster, and expand that child-like expression, for example, through pushing myself to be aware of my breath. Through being here with my breathing, I am able to keep myself with my human physical body, and also see when I venture into my mind and future projects, to then bring myself back here, into physical living. Further, placing my attention on the tip of my toes and fingers assist and support with presence, and bring my life expression INTO the physical, and hence, not accepting and allowing myself to let myself go to waste, through being locked up in a small area between my shoulders called the mind. I have thus realized, that birthing life in the physical, is about bringing our life presence HERE through a dedicated moment-to-moment application, where we each time we notice ourselves to be in the mind, bring ourselves BACK here, back into the physical.

Hence, PRESENCE, learning to live and apply this word in daily living is a key in retaining balance – because in being PRESENT here – I am also able to see when it is that I have ventured to far into a particular aspect of my life and there is a need for me to step back, gather and ground myself. And PRESENCE is a simple word to apply, it does not matter where we are, or what we do, as we can ALWAYS practice to remain present, aware, and HERE within what we do. It does not matter if we are obliged to think and project in our professional capacity, because even within that it is possible to remain present. And when we are present, life opens up to us in a completely different way than otherwise, we are suddenly aware of the nuances, the details, the small unnoticed points of our life, that we would usually have glanced over, as would if we would have been occupied in our minds.

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Day 316: Over Working vs. Balance

In the past week I had a lot on my plate at work, and that was my own fault, as I took on too much, and did not consider the amount of time that I had to my disposal. I pushed myself to do as much as I could, and as the weekend arrived, I felt that my body was exhausted, almost burnt out. I have experienced this before, and this week I have looked at the point more deeply, to see where it comes from, why I do this to myself, and how I can correct it.

Before I begin writing out this point, there are some basic facts that must be established. The physical body is a living organism, with great potential. It is possible to push the body far and beyond above what we believe to be possible. With self-will, we are able to work, push, and move ourselves further than what the mind is able to conceive – YET – there is a limit – and there are also points that must be considered when it comes to HOW we are pushing ourselves forward. Because the body can only take so much, AND, in pushing the body, and ourselves with it, we must give the body time to replenish, recuperate, and the movement must be natural.

What I have discovered is that, when I move myself with breath, which means moving in a steady, consistent pace, with room for breaks, detours, and leisure time, the body is capable of a lot, and then there is really no need for replenishment. However, when moving the body, for an extended period of time, with great focus and intensity, without allowing time for breaks, and detours, this will cause the body to become tired and exhausted. And I have found that this is because how this type of focused, intense movement, that progresses over an extended period of time, is actually based in a energy; most of the time – stress. This has been the case for me.

The interesting thing is that this stress is not experienced as a emotional stress – it is instead a form of physical stress and pressure that is placed on the body. Hence it can be difficult to recognize. For me, I can see that this stress is present when I feel that there is no time for small breaks, and detours from what I am doing, when I have in a way, become possessed with work.  The word possessed is interesting, because that is literally what happens, I am stuck in one state of mind, a fast track direction to somewhere, unclear where. A small, yet significant example, is when I am making my breakfast, and I prepare my sandwiches. I have a couple of spreads to choose from, and I prefer to add some vegetables. However, that takes some extra bit of time, and some days, I will resist taking that time, and doing that little extra for myself. And it is not because there is no time, it is because, I feel like there is no time – in other words – stress. The consequence is that I will limit my breakfast and how I prepare my food, because I do not feel like there is time, because I am already on the fast track, one direction mind set of going to work.

The solution to this point is apparent from what I have shared above. Work, and for that matter, all other forms of activity, MUST be done with balance, in a state of mind that allows for detours, for breaks, for side tracks, for a overview on things – and the reason for this is because the body needs it – we ourselves need it. Our lives cannot consist of but one thing, one focus, one experience that we hone into and become stuck in – we are in our very nature expansive – and this life offers so much room for discovery and exploration. Though, when we get stuck in our fast track mind-set – life disappears, becomes but a scenery in the movie of our life, where we are following a already established plot, that offers no room for our creative, and unconditional expression to come through.

Hence, I will commit myself to incorporate balance into my life, and even though I have a lot to do at work, I will still bring in balance – and I will do that through regularly throughout my day, allow myself to digress, to stand back, to take a couple of deep breaths and center myself in my body, and allow myself to physically stand up, go for a stroll, go to talk with someone, read something different, take a cup of coffee, or similar – the main point being that I actively balance out my day in a way that supports myself and my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to balance my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck in what I do – too focused – to intense – and forget that there are other things to life – forget to consider and support my physical body – forget myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself time and space to regularly take a break – take a walk – take some breaths – enjoy my physical body and physical reality – to go and discover my life – and not become possessed with what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively release myself from any state of possession that I go into in relation to work through breathing – relaxing my body – bringing myself back here – giving myself time to be HERE – realizing that I am not rushing to get anywhere important anyway – as all roads leads to Rome – which in this case is death – so – why rush – why run – when I can stop up and smell the flowers instead?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively through my day reconnect with my physical body, talk with my body, interact with my body, listen to what my body has to say, listen to it and see what I can do to support my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively give myself time to support my human physical body each and every day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is a flag-point, when I start to feel as if I do not have the time to support myself, take a break for a moment.

I commit myself to care for and consider my human physical body through integrating the word balance into my life

I commit myself to live balance through taking breaks and regularly allowing myself to digress – do something differently – and move in a pace that is supportive for myself and my body


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Day 314: When Work Does Not Go Very Well

Some posts ago I wrote about being calm and stable in relation to work and learning to embrace failures, mistakes, fuck-ups, and other unwanted, negative occurrences in my job. Today, I had the perfect opportunity to observe this point in action. I do not need to give more context than the fact that I made a BIG MISTAKE at work – and people got upset, worried and nervous – yet – still – even though my world was seemingly shaky – deep inside of myself I experienced a calm.

Where did this calm come from? It came from knowing and understanding how reality operates, that in learning a new trade, there will be mistakes, and in walking day-to-day living, there will be unforeseen and unwanted outflows – they can be minimized through practice, presence, thoughtfulness, and discipline – but they cannot be removed – as long as we live in a physical reality with a myriad of dimensions, most of them unknown to us, moving and interacting at the same time, things will happen that we cannot control and today, such a point manifested.

Instead of going into a reaction, instead of judging myself, instead of becoming worried, fearful, and nervous, I took a breath, and I looked at the point objectively – and what I have seen to be so important when it comes to living calm is the skill of retaining perspective on things. And with perspective I mean the following: It is so easy to exaggerate and blow things out of proportion – we make a mistake and we feel awful about it – though in the grand scheme of things – it is only one bad day that eventually will become but a memory – that we might even laugh at and enjoy later on – because WOW what a fucking mistake we made!

I find that old people are generally better at approaching mistakes with light heart, probably because they have seen so much shit, walked through so many mistakes, and experienced so many negative occurrences, that they are just used to it; hence – they have perspective on things. I am however still young, so I have not accumulated that amount of experience, but it does not stop me from creating perspective in me when things go wrong. The solution I apply is that I ask myself: How bad will this look in fifty years? And the answer I get is that – I will probably be dead at that time or at least – not remember ANYTHING of what happened. Thus, fretting and worrying over mistakes is a WASTE OF MY TIME.

Though, that being said, mistakes are also a gold mine, because for each mistake, there is something that can be learned. For example, a couple of days ago I made the mistake of forgetting a task that I had committed to take on. Instead of becoming worried about it, I asked myself: What can I learn from this? And I saw that when it came to remembering duties, and directing responsibilities, an effective rule of thumb is to either act immediately and get it done when the point is here, or immediately take a physical note, and make sure that I get back to the point later on. Applying this rule of thumb I can avoid having to face a future moment where I again forget something, and thus, I can create a positive physical outflow for myself, that will become more than a memory, but actually a gift in my life, and something that will assist and support me to expand.

To summarize: Mistakes will happen and usually we exaggerate and overreact – AND – mistakes can be used as LEARNING POINTS – and as a motivation to push ourselves to expand – consider more dimensions – develop skills and abilities – and become more effective at what we do.

Hence, when a mistake enters into our world – what we should say is: Cool! A mistake! Let me see what I can learn here!


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alone

Day 290: All-one or Lonely?

On a recurring basis I have an experience of feeling very lonely, misunderstood, and diminished, and this in relation to friends, acquaintances and other relatives. The core of the experience is that I think/believe that I do not fit in, and that I have done or said something wrong, which makes me lonely, and everyone else, a part of the family and social experience. Today I am going to look more closely at this experience.

The first thing I noticed as I brought this experience up within me is that it is a emotion (negative), and hence, there must be a feeling (positive) that I am also participating in. Fascinatingly enough, the positive side of this equation has not bothered me, because it feels good to be included, loved, and accepted. What I have not considered in those moments though is that to feel included, loved and accepted, I must also have, and participate in the other polarity, as no energetic polarity can exist with and by itself.

Hence, the first question, when have I throughout my last week felt included, loved and accepted? Well, I see that this happened as I communicated with a friend of mine, and after the talk, which I felt went really good, it was a deep, and intimate, I felt included, and accepted, as if I was an important part of my friends life. Then, some days later, as I was sitting with my friends again, they were all talking with each other, yet I had nothing to say, and so I sat back and observed them. I did not feel invited and tended to by them, and afterwards I started to feel lonely, misunderstood, and rejected. And there is the polarity.

Now, what is the core issue here? What is there core point that I am missing, and the word that is required to be redefined? From what I can see, one word that I require to redefine is Friendship – because that is basically were a lot of these experiences, both negative, and positive, arise from. The problem is that the word friendship is currently this positively charged word, which I have seen as the origin of such points as acceptance, and value – and hence because I have polarized the relationship with the word friendship it creates various energetic conflicts within me.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for friendship, closeness, intimacy, and value in others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as these words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a role in the lives of others, where I feel that I am a part of something, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/define myself as being a part of life – as life – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not have to struggle, fight, and force myself in this life to be accepted – but that I can accept myself and stand as a part of life as life itself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize the word relationship, and friendship, to exist within and as a positive polarity of feeling included, and a part of something, and a negative, of feeling lonely, pushed away and excluded – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself through living this word from within and as emotion and feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for intimacy, comfort and closeness with others, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the most important relationship in my life in which I require and have to establish intimacy, openness and comfort, which is with my own relationship with myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the word relationship and friendship as parts of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a drive to be accepted and to feel comfortable, a part of, and close to others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in pushing myself to exist in such a state, I am compromising and loosing myself, because I am not standing stable and firm within my purpose and direction in this life, and here I see that it is obvious that my purpose and direction in life is not to be accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my integrity and my principles to be accepted by others – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view it as a superior success and completion when somebody seems to like me and they confer with me some of their bullshit – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself to have that in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to live the courage of walking my life with integrity and standing by my principles – where for example – I do not accept and allow myself to talk badly about others in order to be accepted – and I do not accept and allow myself to gossip or participate in gossip to feel included and accepted by a group of people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is easy to loose sight of what is important when in the world system, when in relationships, such as job relationships, and thus I commit myself to at all times keep an overview of things, keep a perspective, to see that my job and the relationships there are very specific in my life, and are not there to give me a feeling of closeness and intimacy, and that I am doing my work to survive, and pushing myself to be specific and walk my job description as effectively as possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow relationships to become my priority, then I loose perspective, then I loose sight on what is important, on what is relevant, and on my perspective on life – and thus I commit myself to stand with my perspective – seeing that I am walking this life to create what is best for all – to walk and create a purpose that I see is best for all – and in that I will stand with my integrity and principles – and I will not accept and allow myself to compromise myself to be liked and feel a part of something – as I will instead push myself to be effective, specific and disciplined in walking the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I am going to live my life to be accepted by others and feel a part of the lives of others – then I am going to miss my life – I am going to miss myself – and I am going to become unfocused and loose my direction – as I am constantly looking at others – how others are moving – how others are thinking – what others are saying and not saying – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself – place the focus on ME – on where I am going – on what I am doing – and thus not accept and allow myself to loose myself and my direction through becoming all concerned with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the positive experiences of feeling included, feeling a part of something, feeling liked, and embraced, when I am participating with other people, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I am participating in the positive, I am also creating the negative, thus creating the state of being of feeling excluded, inferior, pushed away and rejected – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to walk my life in stability – and fully express my potential – I must and require to stand alone – stand by myself – and not have this weakness in my of looking to others for safety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look in others for feeling safe and comfortable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realizing and understand that I can stand as that point myself – and that I do not need and require someone else to be my safety and comfort – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself to have another like – so that I can feel they are my safety and comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can develop that strength in me to be able to stand through all situations and stand alone – stand without anyone having my back – standing in this life – in this system – strong and stable – and not accepting and allowing anything to get to me – as I remain within and as breath and remain clear in my direction, my principles and my integrity – and remember/have an overview – as to why I am here and what I am doing in this lifetime

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a state of feeling positive, included, liked, and embraced, as I am participating with others, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I am participating in the positive, I am equally creating the negative, thus, I am creating emotions for myself that I will have to walk through at a later stage – and thus I see, realize and understand that in order to fully stand stable in my life – I cannot accept and allow myself to remain within a positive state of feeling – thus I commit myself to participate with others in my life from a starting point and experience of stability – of silence – of standing with and as my human physical body here as breath

When and as I see myself going into a state of negativity, as feel rejected, pushed away and lonely, when or after I have participated with others, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching relationships is not effective, as I am making my life about others, and being/feeling included, not about me walking this life, and standing with the purpose that I have given to myself, and what I want to build/create with and as my life – and thus I commit myself to stabilize myself – to remind myself of what is important – to keep my perspective and stand with my purpose as to what I am going to do in this life – so as to not loose myself in irrelevancies