Tag Archives: expression

Day 430: Sparking Life in a Survival World

It can be challenging keeping the spark of life alive and growing as we become adults and enter into the survival system of the world. All around us is designed in the principle of survival. All of the words we hear, designed in the principle of survival. You put on the news, you hear about survival. The moments where you are allowed to for a moment just be yourself and enjoy a moment are very few. However – we cannot blame the world as it is. We have to learn how to live our spark of life within what we do – and also – to schedule in moments of unconditional expression into our lives – we must treat it as something important – something we need to blossom – and not see it just as any kind of hobby.

I would say that our desire to survive limits our ability to live with a spark. If we would be less concerned about survival, life would open up. There are so many things we avoid, so many things we do, so many things we want to do that we do not, because of, fear of survival. Children do not care about that. They are childlike and not yet afraid of death. We can learn a lot from them. However, it is important to be realistic. We cannot live and express the same as children, because adults, our realities expand and we are required to take on responsibilities. The trick is learning to live with a childlike spark and still remain functional in the adult world. And that is something I have been working a lot with.

I have realized that most of my dreams/visions for the future exist because I have suppressed my childlike expression in the moment. In my dreams, where I have for example gotten a particular position in my career, I feel alive, wholesome and content. And thus I strive to create that, believing that it is only by manifesting my dream that I will be able to feel that way. This is the mistake. The truth is that the dream is only a projection, a form of postponement – the real change is waiting to be made in every moment of every breath. Few children have dreams of the future – because they live fully in every moment. Why dream of something more when there is no lack in this very moment? It does not make sense. Hence – most dreams indicate that there is a state/condition of lack existing within self.

I am not saying that all dreams are bad. We live in a practical reality – and practical changes will have an impact on our well-being. Earning more money can for example open up possibilities – meeting a partner can be a gateway to new experiences. What makes dreams deceptive is when we believe that they will change our self-relationship – change the experience we have of ourselves in every moment. That is something we take with ourselves everywhere we go – and it cannot be changed by external forces. It is a job that must be done by ourselves.

In my process I have spent a lot of time decoding my dreams/visions to understand what they are showing to me about my expression. For example – when I greatly desire to buy new power tools – this tends to be because I have had a moment of unconditional expression/enjoyment working with wood. My mind then takes this expression and translates it into a energy/desire – and if I am not careful – I will start believing that the gateway to more enjoyment is by purchasing new things. The reality is that my enjoyment/expression is dependent upon me – and it is something that I open up and create – and for that I do not need a particular power tool. This is something I apply to all of my desires/visions/dreams – I look at what they are saying about me and whether it is a genuine and practical vision of the future that I have. A desire to travel abroad can for example imply that I do not accept and allow myself to live adventure/stimulation in my everyday life. And then instead of creating that to be a part of my life – I want to experience it by traveling to a different country.

If I go back to survival – my initial point. This is a system that suppress our expressions and our spark of life. Practically speaking, survival is necessary – however – from a life-perspective – survival is not the reason why we are here. Survival is a means to an end – it is not the end in itself – and that is important to remember when everything and everyone else in the world seems to be convinced that the only thing of importance in life is to survive.


 

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Day 428: Rest and Recreation

It is important to not forget to do creative and enjoyable things. When you become an adult, and you start working, and start doing adult things, it is easy that life becomes heavy, serious and burdened. Everything starts circling around responsibilities and what has to be done – and that can take a toll. Thus – I have found that I need to have an creative outlet – a part of my life must be without rules, boundaries and responsibilities – and for me – that part is such as expressions as music, gardening and painting.

There is an indication that I use to see when I need to prioritize R&R – and that is a feeling of listlessness and apathy. The experience that instead of doing something with myself and my time when I am done with my responsibilities, I rather just want to sit and take a break from sensory experiences. When that happens to me – I know I need to go into my creative space more and spend time doing some quality expression.

What happens if we do not give ourselves time for creativity and activities that we genuinely enjoy? Well – in my experience my ability to concentrate, focus and give myself in other areas of life we decrease. I will become less effective at work, less able to share myself with the people close to me, less present and less functional over-all. Thus it is important to remember that when we do stuff we enjoy – for seemingly no reason – these are essential moments that we need in order to handle and be the best that we can be in the other parts of our lives. And it is important to no compare ourselves with anyone else. There are people that can keep going without rest or leisure time. They can work for hours upon hours and they can deny themselves vacations and time for recreation – and it does not seem to bother them. However – everyone is different – and we must learn to listen to our own needs. For me – I need to have time for my hobbies every week – else this sense of exhaustion will start to emerge.


Day 406: Expression and Depression

I went swimming this morning and as usual I was a bit hesitant. I do not enjoy waking up early, drive to town and then jump into the pool while it is still dark outside. My preference is to down something less physically demanding. However – these few hours in the morning is a rare moment that I have at my disposal to engage in some undisturbed physical exertion – and knowing this – I push through my discomfort and go swimming.

When I get to the pool to start my workout – there are usually two phases to my exercise. The first one is difficult – it is the part where I have to push through my resistances. Initially I do not want to get in the cold water, and I do not want to swim back and forth. My mind finds it trite and unrewarding – and usually thoughts and fantasies will start emerging – inner entertainment to bring my focus away from here. This phase tends to last for about 10-15 minutes – and then I get into the more rewarding and calming part of my workout – where I able to relax into the physical motions and simply swim – without any thoughts of what I am going to do next. That is a nice place to be. It is a comfortable form of meditation.

Today I tried a different approach to supporting myself through the first phase of the swimming. I looked at what I was going to live and create throughout my day – what I was going to manifest in my life that is awesome. I saw that one thing I wanted to create was a constant awareness and presence of my inner experiences – and a direction to forgive and let go of the reactions that came up within me and change in real time. I also saw that I wanted to bring through more expression in my life. In particular – I realized that the sense of depression that I have had as of recent is because I have not expressed myself properly. And that made sense to me – DE-pression is something I build when I push back what comes up within me as realizations, insights and expressions waiting to be shared – and EX-pression is when I support myself to open up and share such movements within me with my world. Hence – I decided that I would use my day to EXPRESS the movements within me.

After I was done swimming I went to work and started practicing my realizations and insights. What I am doing now – in writing this blog – is also part of putting my insights into reality – by sharing myself and my day – I want to create an expression and movement within me. I have also found that writing and sharing myself is what helps my process to expand and move forward. It is by writing that I am able to open up new parts of myself – find new ways to look at things and develop new ways of tackling problems that I am facing. Thus – writing is something that I am planning to integrate more into my daily life – as part of a daily routine.

Hence – what I can take from today is the value of self-reflection and the value of using/living each day to its fullest. It is not necessary to wait for things to get better – we can make them better as we go.


Day 383: Structure – A Key to Freedom

Structure – the word I have been practicing in my life now for a while. I thought it would be a good idea to share some of my findings and insights when it comes to living structure.

Initially I related the word structure to schedules, almanacs etc., and did not view the word as particularly useful in any other context. I also felt that structure was something that limited my creative expression – and that it took away freedom. Thus I have had a bit of a conflictual relationship with the word. Similarly I have had to walk a process to be able to walk in this current money system without reacting towards it – and feeling like the stiff structure and routine of the system pulls me down into a state of too much structure.

At this stage however I feel comfortable with the word – and as I walked the process of understanding it and integrating it into my life – I have realized that structure is everywhere and that is supportive. I have seen that having a structure allows for self-directed creative freedom, while having complete creative freedom without a structure invites lack of direction, loss of overview/focus/movement; it becomes expression without a foundation – and in most cases the results are not good.

Let us take the example of cooking. If I start to cook without a structure – for example – I just haphazardly mix the ingredients and I decide to roast them all in the oven for the same duration of time – I will not be able to create an effective meal. Cooking is a perfect example of a physical expression that rests heavily on a structured foundation – the physics of taste/texture/nutrition – and yet – it is an expression that allows for a wide array of experimentation and creative freedom.

It is the same with music. If I am unfamiliar with the instrument or musical theory it is going to be very difficult for me to improvise or compose my own songs. And sure, I will have complete freedom to play the instrument in any way I desire, but what is the use of that if I am not able to create pieces of music that I enjoy? With a basic structure, knowledge of the instrument and the notes it can produce, it is going to be different. I can now create melodic music yet still be creative, explore and investigate what new sounds and expressions I am able to produce.

Thus, used rightly structure does not quell creativity – it instead supports and enhances it. However there has to be a balance. Too much structure will lead to rigidity. Structure is in its nature predefined, constant, and impermeable to whims of the moment. Though oftentimes it is those spontaneous outbursts that bring through the flavor, the individuality, the joy and pleasure. Thus structure in itself is not the aim – it is the means. It is a stable support from which I am able to move into new expressions and experiences – the ground that I am able to get back to when I have lost myself in the boundlessness of creative freedom.


Day 457: Work Is Pretty Fun

Something I really feared and resisted, especially in my teens and early twenties, was to get a regular full time job. I saw it as a form of death – and I did not want to become anything like my parents. I perceived both of them as working too much, and as having lost that playful and youthful expression that could recognize in my peers and myself. Back then, I thought the problem was work.

I found various ways to avoid becoming part of the work force – until – I realized that this was a limitation I had created for myself. Once I understood that it was not work that was the problem, and that rather it was WHO I AM in relation to work, my entire perspective changed. I decided to pursue a university degree and from then on I have been committed to learning a trade and acquiring the necessary skills to become effective within it.

Fact is that work now offers one of my primary sources of learning and expansion in life. Obviously, this does not happen automatically. If I just go to work, and sit there, wait for the time pass, then I will be awarded with very few moments of expansion. However, if I make sure that I make work an equal part of my life, where I push myself to learn, expand, and move, then that is what I will receive in equal measure. Expansion does not happen by itself – it must be directed – it requires discipline and effort. Oftentimes there is a wall of resistance that must be broken down. And when I move beyond the resistance, there is a new world opening up.

It is this new world that I have come to enjoy so much in my work. Because it is not necessarily about the work in itself – it can be about the skills I develop that are indirectly related to my work. At the moment, I have been pushed to develop intimacy, empathy and social skills – and not directly in relation to the work I am doing – but rather as something that exist on the side and as a consequence of my primary work responsibilities. That is not something I would have been confronted with had I not been working.

I sometimes hear people complaining about their work and how they do not want to be there but rather be at home living and fulfilling their private interests. This is a limited way of looking at work. The solution is to make sure that regardless of where we are at, that we find ways to discover and empower ourselves. There are opportunities everywhere, however, in order to see them, we have to be OPEN and RECEPTIVE – and in order to ACT on them – we have to be DISCIPLINED and READY. To be able to master this approach we cannot accept and allow ourselves to remain in a state of whining and complaining. We have to be on our toes and READY to embrace whatever might come our way.

Today, I enjoy going to work most of the days in the week. The days where I do not. I see those days as my challenges. They challenge me to go beyond that emotion of resistance, and to make something out of myself and my day, even if I do not feel like it. Because if it is one thing that I have understood, it is that I can never wait for my mind to give me the get go. My emotions and feelings will never be ready. No, I have to make the decision – PHYSICALLY – through acting in the physical – through changing myself with actual acts in matter. Thus, instead of remaining in that state of depression and tiredness – I protrude my chest, I straighten my back, I push my shoulders backwards, breathe deeply, and start to look at what I can do to make the most of where I am – and I PROMISE – there are ALWAYS ways to move beyond the obvious.

Concluding: Work – a challenge and a gift to be lived and experienced fully – and today it is a opportunity that I am grateful to have in my life.

I have used the Desteni tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to manifest this change for myself. And through this process, what seemed to be dry and meaningless, has become a well of inspiration for me. For anyone that wants to know what is possible to be created – I suggest that you investigate Desteni.

 


Day 414: Redefining: Physical

After listening to the Eqafe interview Location of Existential Physical Process I have decided to redefine the word PHYSICAL.

How have I lived the word?

Physical, is a word, that I primarily see as a noun or adjective – hence not an action – but rather a passive object or description. Obviously you are able to use the word as a verb, such as: ‘Let’s get physical’ – though that is about the only example I know. Hence, to LIVE the word PHYSICAL – is something I have yet to explore.

However, I have since starting the Desteni I Process been continually practicing physical presence, being AWARE of the physical. I have done that through pushing myself to breath with awareness, and through being aware of my body, from the tip of my fingers to the tip of my toes – and that is something that have challenged me a lot – at the same time it has also been very enjoyable. This is the closest I get to living the word PHYSICAL.

Otherwise, physical, is something that I see as what I can tangibly touch, see or smell – it is something that interacts with my physical body or in my physical body – something that I am able to sense and experience with and through my body.

Sounding the word

Fuse-The-Cell
Fuss-In-Call
Fuse-Call
Fusion–Call
Cyst–In–All
Fuse–All
Fuse–I–All
First–I–All
First–I-Call

Etymology

early 15c., “of or pertaining to material nature” (in medicine, opposed to surgical), from Medieval Latin physicalis “of nature, natural,” from Latin physica “study of nature” (see physic). Meaning “pertaining to matter” is from 1590s; meaning “having to do with the body, corporeal” is attested from 1780. Meaning “characterized by bodily attributes or activities” is attested from 1970. Physical education first recorded 1838; abbreviated form phys ed is from 1955. Physical therapy is from 1922. Related: Physically.

Creative Writing

Physical – when I take this word within me and look at it – I get the sense of and endless ocean of darkness – silence – there is a deep and contented steadiness to the word – and it feels as if the word is solid – manifest – complete – the foundation from which everything springs and moves. The physical is not only about what can be sensed – it is about that deep connection within the human physical body – that goes deep, deep, into a dark and timeless calm.

Standing and living as the word PHYSICAL – would thus be to bring that deep and timeless calm up within me – and practicing that stance/living/expression within me as I go through my days – seeing, realizing and understanding that these shallow, hasty, rushes of positive and negative energy, that moves about, they are not relevant, neither are they of any consequence, in comparison to the endless depth of the PHYSICAL. Hence – bringing this word up within me can be of great support when I notice that I am loosening my balance and direction – and where I notice and see myself – falling into the trap of some experience or energy.

Redefining the word

The deep and timeless matter from which all originates


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Day 362: It Is Not About The Plan, It Is About Who We Are

Today after I had waken up, I gave myself a moment to just sit, breath, drink my coffee and map out my day. It was restful, and any thought, projection, or inner vision that came up, I stopped it and brought myself back to breathing. At one point I had an experience of stress arise within me, and together with it a line backchat: ‘I cannot sit here and waste away all my morning just breathing, I have to get up and do stuff’. I breathed and let go of the stress, and brought myself back here.

Afterwards I felt relaxed and clear within me, and with ease I flowed into the rest of my day, and began taking care of my responsibilities and commitments. I experienced myself differently than otherwise, I was more stable, I moved slower, and fascinatingly enough, I was a lot more effective than normal. Things seemed to do themselves when I was around – and I moved myself from task, to task, until, I was done.

Reflecting on my day I can see that the reason as to why I had such a smooth and easy experience, and why I could move myself with ease, yet still get a lot done, was because of how it all started. I allowed myself to begin my day in stability, with clarity, grounded HERE in my human physical body – and that set the tone. I find it very interesting that things we perceive to be a waste of time, might actually be that which will make us more effective and get more things done – that which will fuel us to keep moving, and keep our focus and direction. Efficiency is not necessarily fast, it can also be slow, methodical, relaxed – a state of being that allows for physical energy to be used in a sustainable way. From a different perspective it is obvious common sense, because how can we expect to be efficient, if we have so much going on within ourselves that demands our attention.

This also exemplifies another point, we cannot beforehand judge a particular activity as either being supportive or not. Even though we might have a lot to do, many responsibilities that needs tending, it might be beneficial to sit down, and for a moment do nothing at all. Thus, we cannot judge activities based on our inner preconceived definitions and ideas, our own pre-programmed value system – because living effectively is not about following the norm – it is about creating a new supportive way of living and standing as an example for others so that we are able to change life on this earth as an express of who we are.

Another interesting point is that I was a lot more effective when I was silent, moved slowly, and took time for myself to stabilize before I took action. The same goes for walking any point in the world system. If we try to take action and make a difference out there, without first having done that for ourselves, without first having stabilized, cleared and supported ourselves to become stable, then we will face a lot of conflict. This happened to me, where I for example, was not even able to make a proper decision as to selecting a direction for myself in the world system, because I still accepted and allow too much fear within me in relation to my future.

Self must come first, then we can begin to walk our outside world. Our standing must be clear and stable, then we can begin to impart our awareness unto those around us. If there is conflict in our world in some way or another, the first thing that should be looked at is self – what is going on within? Is there a misalignment, a reaction, a program that has been allowed to run unchecked? Because even though we might believe that our world is separate from us – on a physical level that is not true – we do impact and move our reality in many ways – and the key to stability begins with clearing and correcting the inner reality.


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