Tag Archives: face

Day 332: Facing The Dark With A Smile

Relationships, often portrayed with positive words such as love, appreciate, protect, secure, adore, etc., however, the truth of a relationship is something different. In Sweden, my country of birth, the divorce rate is at 50-55 % in relation to the amount of people getting married, and the median marriage lasts for 10 years. From those numbers it is not a big leap to say that the portrayed image of relationships is not wholly accurate. And expressed coarsely, the image broadcasted of relationships is outright deceptive. Without a doubt, the major part of any relationship consists of conflicts, misunderstandings, compromises, emotions, competition, and all other forms of dysfunctional human behavior that we all inherit and learn as we come of age. That is not strange considering that we always bring our baggage as we enter into a new relationship, it is thus, impossible to create a lovely and peaceful paradise on this earth – UNLESS – we have created OURSELVES as that in our individual capacity.

There is though ways to deal with the ‘human element’ that we unfortunately bring with us as we enter into a new relationship. In this blog I am going discuss one important tool to use in the creation of a comfortable and supportive relationship – HUMOR – or – the ability to be CAREFREE in the face of adversity. This point opened recently for me as I have noticed a tendency that I have to take things very seriously. For example, I will have a discussion with my partner that then becomes more of a intense disagreement, where emotions arise within me. Instead of looking at the reason for the conflict, and why I reacted, and how to solve it, so that I do not need to walk through the same conflict situation again – what I have done is that I have focused on the idea that it is WRONG to have conflicts/arguments. And instead of expanding myself, approaching conflicts from this judgmental vantage point results in suppression of what is really going on within me.

Suppression is and has been the modus operandi of us human beings when it comes to dealing with difficult shit since ages back, and it is so clearly visible in our society. What is prison, punishment, and social exclusion but a suppression mechanism, where we remove the ‘bad’ and ‘unwanted’ dimensions of our communal experience and put it away, far away and hidden from our immediate sight, instead of looking at WHY, and HOW it happened, and what SOLUTION there is to deal with the problem once and for all? The technique of suppression is also readily applied in parenting. When children cry, or behave ‘badly’, we look at ways to suppress the behavior, either through rewards, such as praising, or sweets, or through punishments, and consequences, though seldom, we look at the cause and origin of the troublesome behavior – and hence we miss out on the opportunity to create a sustainable and long-term solution.

The question to ask ourselves is thus, WHY do we have such a difficult time in looking at the DARK, MALEFICENT, HORRIBLE, and UNWANTED within ourselves, our relationships, and society? From what I have already touched upon above, one of the reasons for this is because we JUDGE it, we are too uptight about it, we take it personally, react to it, believe it is something bad, and that we must just, immediately, without further consideration, put it away – far away.

Hence, getting back to relationships, what is then the solution for this way of looking at the dark within ourselves? How can we assist and support ourselves to ease up and be less serious about the shit that is going on both within and without? The way forward as I see it is HUMOR – because it has the property of taking the edge of things, to make things seem silly, and remove that big, heavy reaction of something being sooo BAD. And here, I am not saying that humor should be the end point, because obviously, we have to learn from our mistakes, reflect and look at them, in order to move forward – however – if we look at our mistakes in a state of reaction – our focus will become misplaced. Instead of unconditionally looking at ways to improve, our focal point will be on determining how bad we have been, and how we must now punish ourselves, to apparently through that, motivate ourselves to not be bad again. Though, it is not important to determine how bad, and wrong we have been, that which is of real substantial value is to find a lasting, sustainable solution for the future, so that we are able to prevent further consequences.

HUMOR sounds like YOU-MORE – because through humor we are able to get back to that CAREFREE state of looking at things unconditionally – and thus we are able to SEE more of ourselves – see the reality of things – because humor disarms, it cuts through the defenses, and it allows us to get a glimpse of what is actually going on, which then puts us in a position to implement changes.

Hence, conflicts, disagreements, and in general, shit that happens in a relationship, a way to disarm the seriousness of it all is through HUMOR – through seeing the stupid shit that we do and that it is many times totally insane – how can we fight and argue about such pointless things and believe that it is absolutely a matter of life and death to get our version of the story heard? It is insane, and that is what makes it so HILARIOUS. Humor, hence, is an important tool in the creation of a effective relationship with our partner, and ourselves.

And how to then practically apply humor in a moment? Well, let us say that we are in a situation where I am having a disagreement with my partner about whether or whether not to tidy up after myself when I have used the kitchen, where I will then go to great lengths to explain, and win my partner over, to my way of dealing with the kitchen, where apparently my way of doing things is of great practical value. Instead, I could in that moment see how ridiculous it is that I am standing here, talking about such a absolutely insignificant thing as to how to clean the kitchen, defending my way of doing things with all I got, when it really has no value or importance to me at all.

Learn more about this way of living:

Advertisements

Day 13: Test-anxiety – Fear of Wasting Time (Part 3)

An interesting point that I’ve noticed as I’ve studied for tests here at the university is that – when I’ve spent much time preparing myself – being diligent, and specific about knowing, and comprehending each detail of the course that I’ve read – is that I will fear not getting the best grade – because if I don’t – then apparently I’ve spent all the time I’ve been preparing myself in vain.

fearoffailureAnd this is a interesting point – because it shows to me that I want to have success – yet I am not willing to face the possibility of failure that is always a constant when I challenge myself, and go after something that I know will be difficult for me to achieve. I want to have the success – yet within this I fear reaching for, and bringing myself to success – because I fear the possibility of failure.

But obviously – I can’t reach greatness – pushing myself beyond my limitations, beyond what I believe myself to be capable of – when I fear failure – and the solution I’ve created in my mind is to simply not go after the success at all and let myself fail immediately, because then I won’t have to walk through the suspense of not knowing whether I will succeed or not.

Now – the problem here is not whether I will fail, or succeed – the problem here is WHO I AM within all of this – because one thing is clear – if I do not define myself according to either success, or failure – if I do not create fear towards failure, and desire towards success – I mean – then I am really FREE to move and participate in this reality according to the laws of physics – and to challenge, and push myself without putting anything of “me” into it – because I know that – whether I succeed, or fail – I will remain the same – here – breathing – stable – without emotion – without feeling – and without thought.

Thus – being stable in regards to the outcome of my actions, and my plans – that is something I must practice – because within infesting my plans, and actions with feelings, and emotions – I am making myself blind – and I make my actions become based upon nonsense – and lack all common sense – because I only see the energies – without realizing that the energies are really not relevant – because what is relevant is what is HERE – as the PHYSICAL – as that which I can TOUCH – SEE – and INTERACT with – that is real.

And here I see that – getting the best grades possible – that is a physical point – that will really make my future life a lot easier – as I will be able to be more stable in regards with money – thus – it’s a point to pursue and manifest – and achieving this point is a success – and not achieving this point is a failure – yet – it doesn’t define WHO I AM – it’s merely practical points of consideration – and the outcome of these points will have consequences in my life but they will not determine me – unless I accept and allow it; and this is the KEY to being stable in this reality – to live the realization that I am in this world – but not off this world.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire success, and to fear failure – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to infest my practical, and physical movement in this reality with feelings, and emotions – and making my participation in this world to be about how I feel – instead of it being about what I see is practical – what is see is beneficial – and what I see is supportive

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand – that I can have success, and I can have failure – yet this doesn’t mean that who I am is success, and who I am is failure – because I DECIDE who I am – not external events – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with my plans, and to become possessed with a preferred outcome – and to think that these points define who I am – instead of walking breath by breath – and manifesting my plans, and my decisions – without defining myself according to my plans and decisions

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I won’t ever get far in this world – and be able to manifest my plans – unless I am willing to accept failure – and embrace failure – because I see, realize and understanding that in striving for success – failure is a probability – but within this it’s to see, realize, and understand that failure is not a bad thing – and it’s not a emotional thing – it’s merely a sign showing to me that I’ve not yet taken into account all practical details required to be looked at for success – and that there is some calibration required for me to in-fact achieve success

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want results, and to want success – without being willing to give the effort, and walk the necessary challenges in order for me to get to – and manifest that success – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire success to manifest automatically – and that I am only to have success – and that I am never to face failure – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that failure is natural part of living – that is not to be feared – but is to be understood and learned from – because from failure – success is born – if failure is utilized, and seen in the correct way

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect results without me giving of myself to produce such a result – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving of myself – when I can’t be certain that the results will be what I desire – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understanding – that living within such a fear – will have the consequence that my life never leads anywhere – and that I remain stuck – because I won’t dare to face the uncertainty of life – and accordingly never move myself – but only remain in my confined comfort zone

6. I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that one of the primary reasons as to why so few human-beings manage to do something truly great with their life’s – is because of fear of failure – is because fear of going where self haven’t gone before – is the fear of not having success – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how our current school system is partly responsible for creating this disease within people – wherein apparently success is the only point that is valued – not realizing that failure is a stepping stone for success – and that real success can’t exist without recognizing, and seeing what failure is – and within this understanding how to direct a failure to become a success

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see and notice that I fear failure, and that I desire success – and that I am accordingly polarizing myself within myself; I immediately stop myself – I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand – that polarizing myself, and my reality into and as energies, and experiences – will not help me – but merely serve the lessen my clarity of seeing – and send me into a living wherein I do not act as what is common sense – but according to what I feel; as such I commit myself to act according to principles – to act according to mathematics – and not according to feelings, and emotions – as these points are not designed to be trustworthy guides of how to live my life

2. When and as I see that I am defining myself according to success, and according to failure – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that me being successful, or failing – doesn’t define me – unless I accept and allow it – as such I commit myself to stand – and live in this reality – but not be off this reality – but remain stable – objective – here – within and as breath

3. When and as I see that I resist, and fear failure – and that I try to avoid failure through simply not going for success – challenging myself – and pushing myself to achieve – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that in order to succeed – I must be willing to fail – by implication – as success can’t exist without it’s shadow-double – failure – because failure is the point showing to me that I have not yet considered physical reality – and that I as such can’t reach success because I am not here – and it’s as such not my enemy – but my friend – because it’s a teacher pointing to reality saying to me – hey! You’ve not looked at how reality functions – thus you won’t succeed!; as such I commit myself to embrace failure – to learn from failure – and to dare to strive for success even when this might mean that I will fail

4. When and as I see and notice that I want to have success – without willing myself to put in the effort – that hard work – and the discipline required to create such success – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that success will, and can only arrive – and be real – when I’ve physical walked the point into creation – success being that which I’ve created which I thought, and believed was beyond me – and that was a challenge for me to create; as such I commit myself to when I see a challenge to be faced – and I see that walking this challenge could imply success – I push myself to give the effort, and the discipline – and to needed physical walk in order to manifest success here as me

5. When and as I see that I am expecting results – expecting success – without doing what is necessary to produce such results/success – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that success is mathematical in nature – implying that success is a decision that I make and walk in every moment – and not something that just happens randomly, and by luck – as such I commit myself to walk the discipline, and dedication to live by mathematics – and not by feelings, and emotions

6. When and as I see that I avoid walking a particular challenge, and avoid creating my life to be what is best for me as all – because I fear failure – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that failure is the key to success – it’s what shows me what is working, and what isn’t – thus without facing failure I won’t be able to create success; as such I commit myself to face failure – to embrace failure – and to learn from failure – and to as such enable myself to manifest success in my world and reality – and within and as myself

Enhanced by Zemanta