Tag Archives: fail

Day 326: When Things Does Not Go According To Plan

Let us face it. Some times things do not go according to plan, do not turn out the way we imagined, feel the way we hoped, or shape the way we envisioned – sometimes mistakes happens. For me, this has happened in relation to the house I was recently part of building together with my partner. We mapped everything out, planned, considered, and looked, and yet, when the finished product is manifested HERE, there are things I am not satisfied with.

For example, the shower has been located in a area of the bathroom with a very low ceiling, making it impossible for someone that is taller than 1.90 cm to use it efficiently. I am able to do it, however, if it was to be, that anyone else is will live here in the future, that is tall, they would have a problem. What has particularly bothered me about this mistake is that I did have an opportunity to intervene and direct the point. I remember that I got home from work, and my partner showed me how the carpenters had set up the bathroom, and I could immediately see that the shower room would become a problem. I said this to my partner, who told me to tell this to the carpenters so that they could change the construction. Then, I said, it is too late anyway! They have already begun to build!

And it was true, they had begun to build already, however at that time, they had only yet put up the wooden framework, and it would have been easy to relocate and change the disposition of the room. But I did not say anything, and then, layer upon layer was added, and now, it is a complete bathroom, and changing the location of the shower room now, would imply a complete re-building of the toilet – and that is NOT something I am particularly interested in at the moment.

The problem I am faced with now, is that every time I enter into the shower, I become irritated, and annoyed, and start thinking about this shower, and that it is not effectively placed, how I could have changed the outlook of it if I would have stuck to my guns, to moment, immediately as I saw that the planning of the toilet would become a problem.

Today as I walked into the toilet, and this backchat emerged within me, I decided to change it, and look at it differently. Because, instead of seeing this, according to me, badly located shower, as a thorn in my side, and a constant reminder that I did something wrong, it is instead something that I can utilize to learn and expand. And I have realized that mistakes will never cease to happen, I will not one day become sufficiently perfect to never make mistakes. Every time I venture into a new area of expression, a new phase and part of my life, regardless if that is building a house, taking on a new career, starting a new hobby, there WILL be mistakes. In-fact, mistakes is a natural part of the growth process, of learning something, finding myself within it, becoming accustomed to, and making decisions of what I like, and what I do not like, what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.

Hence, this poorly located shower, it is a reminder to myself that it is important to be self-honest, to not accept and allow myself and my world to be less than what it could be, and to when I find out that something is not effectively aligned, to then make sure that I act, and that I walk the process of correcting the point. AND – that I must dare and practice the courage of SHARING myself when I am dissatisfied with something, and not assume that it is too late, or that I am wrong, or that I should not say anything, but to act, move and direct myself, to see what possible, potential solutions there are for the problem I am faced with.

Not only does this bathroom offer me the opportunity to learn something when it comes to other parts of my life, it is also a great challenge in practicing living words. Because what I noticed happens within me, when I start to become irritated as to how the bathroom looks like, is that I become hard, grave and stern. I have however asked myself, would I feel like this if I was a child and made this mistake with the shower? And the answer is NO, I would not have. The reason is that as a child, I was more in the moment, more HERE, and not as invested into my belongings, as long as the shower worked, and warm water came out, it was all to my liking. And the difference between myself now, and myself as a child, was that my focus back then was HERE on me expressing, moving, directing myself in the MOMENT – I was more light-hearted and embracing of my reality regardless of how it looked. Thus, this shower problem offers me an opportunity to practice this expression of being light-hearted, easygoing and carefree that I stood as when I was a child. I do not have to make everything so serious! It is just a shower and nothing more!

This concludes my stories with the failed shower. For anyone walking through similar issues, my suggestion is to embrace the child within you, the wild, playful, carefree, and easy-going expressions that once existed within us, and that we are able to embody and live again. Fuck-ups and mistakes is a part of life, thus, let us embrace them, learn from them, and move and to perfect our creations, and obviously, dare to make more mistakes!



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Day 268: Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change

baby_stepsIn my last blog in the ‘Creating Movement’-series I ended off with saying that in this blog I was going to cover the Rewards of changing apathy, and laziness into movement. Since then I have realized that there is an important point that must be covered before we go into the dimension of the Rewards. That is why, in this blog, we are going to looking at the point of implementing change through the use of the Baby Steps-method.

A commonly occurring pattern in us human beings, is that when we want to change something – let us say laziness – we want to change it ALL and preferably from one day to the next. We write, or speak these solemn words, were we promise to ourselves that change will be implemented, change will come through, and whether it is the last thing we do, we will make it happen. Fascinatingly enough, when the time to change is here, and we are supposed to live, and implement our words, we fall, and cannot manifest our intention into physical reality. Then, the next stop on the ferries wheel is that we judge ourselves, and we speak seriously about our failure, and damn our mistakes: “Why is not possible for me to change?” is voiced, or thought, almost as a form of prayer to a higher entity that is seemingly taking a great joy in seeing us struggle.

Conclusion: This way of approaching change is not sustainable, and neither does it make change easy or enjoyable. Instead change becomes a pressure and a burden, and when we fall it becomes an excuse for us to judge ourselves – and this might eventually lead us to completely give up on ourselves and the change we desire. Thus, a much more effective, and productive way to approach change is through taking Baby Steps – and this means that instead of trying to change it ALL, and in one go – we instead change one small part of the pattern. We place our focus and attention on one aspect of the issue we have, and commit ourselves to change this first instead of taking on the entire pattern in one go.

Let me share an example with you: When I was studying, I had a tendency to every morning as I got up, and sat down by my desk to study, to after a while feel tired, and then proceed to the sofa and continue my studies there. Now, this always, without exception lead me to falling asleep, and also to retain information less effectively, and accordingly I wanted to change this pattern for myself, and thus sit by my desk when I studied. I first tried to change the pattern all in one go, but the temptation to sit/lie down in my coach was too big, and so I fell. Even though I wanted to change myself, the sofa just felt so comfortable and nice, and I was not willing to give it up.

Then I started to approach the change slightly differently, instead of wanting to change the entire pattern all in one go, I decided to, while in the sofa, sit up a little more straight, and practice focusing on what I was reading. This change I managed to pull through, because it was just a matter of pushing myself up against the backrest of the sofa a few centimeters. When I had that point down, after a while, what started to take place was that I went to my desk to study instead. I didn’t even make it an actual decision within myself to ‘not study in the couch’ – though because I had managed to pull through the change of sitting a little bit more straight, and focusing more clearly on the text, when reading in the sofa, this made it a lot easier for me to from there, move to actually sit by my desk. And this is the principle of Baby Steps – you place your change into creation using small incremental steps – one by one – and the common sense behind this goes again in all forms of change.

For example: If you wish to be able to run a marathon, and you’ve never jogged before, it would be a wise call if you first learned to, and worked up the stamina to jog. Only after that should you try to run. And if we look at school, there is a gradual increase in difficulty level – and this can be seen in most types of activities. Though strangely enough, many of us forget to apply the Baby Steps-mentality when it is comes to self-change, and changing a compromising pattern within ourselves into a supportive. Though, the fact of the matter is that, they are the same – no difference.

So, let us be patient with ourselves, give ourselves some slack, and when we change from laziness/apathy into movement, that we do it in incremental steps – little by little – challenge by challenge – decision by decision. Even though the change might feel as if it is moving too slow when you move forward with Baby Steps – it does not – because when we change using baby steps we know that we are going to get through. While, when we try to do that one, big momentous change, the probability is that we are going to fall, and then, in worst-case scenario, simply give up on our change and what we wanted for ourselves.

In my next blog, instead of discussing rewards, I am going to look more closely into how we tend to moralize change, and through that create even more resistance within ourselves when it comes to actually transforming our living actions to be supportive and nourishing.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Day 22: Test-anxiety – Forgetfulness (Part 12)

One fear that I have in relation towards doing my exams – is that I will sit down behind my desk, be handed the exam, and then – in the same moment as I turn my exam paper around to look at the questions – completely blank and remember absolutely nothing – or – looking at the question – realize that I absolutely can’t in anyway know what the answer is.

I’ve actually through-out my studies faced these particular points – what’s interesting is that each time it’s happened – I’ve decided to “fuck it” and simply write an answer without worrying about whether it was wrong or right, and interestingly enough this has brought good marks. What does this then indicate?

It indicates that fear does not dictate who I am, and that the experience of being blank while seeing a question – isn’t real – because when I’ve prepared myself effectively the information is integrated, and automated as a part of my very flesh – which means that the information is simply here and that I don’t require to think, worry, fear, or experience anything in order to answer the question.

forgetfulness-800X800It’s funny to see that for each test that I’ve done so far in the university I’ve felt that I wasn’t going to make it – that I was going to get a shitty result, and that I was going to fail – yet – I’ve received top marks each time – this is showing me that what I feel can’t be trusted – what I think can’t be trusted – what I can trust is that there is a direct correlation between how much time, and effort I give to preparing for my exams, and the final outcome of the exam – thus when I’m doing to exam, or I’m about to do the exam, or I’ve done the exam – I can’t trust any thoughts coming up to me – analyzing my chances as to what grade I will receive – as these thoughts are simply not real – and they do not say anything about my actual application within doing the exam.

Fear can’t be trusted – and anxiety can’t be trusted – what can be trusted is the physical – placing time, and effort into preparation for my exam is a physical point and can as such be trusted as a indicator as to what the final outcome on my exams will be – also – fear when I see a question that I don’t know the answer to, and that I black-out seeing while doing my exam – isn’t real – and it doesn’t give me an indicator as to my ability to answer the question effectively – because for that is a physical movement point and not anything that have anything to do with my mind – or fear.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear, and anxiety that I will sit down by my exam – and then forget everything, and go into a blank – and not know what to write – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind – to trust fear – to trust the blankness that emerge within me – instead of me trusting myself – and instead me taking a breath in that moment and simply walking the test to my fullest, and utmost capacity

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in fearing something – I am creating that something – thus in fearing that I will fail – in fearing that I won’t know the answer – in fearing that I won’t be able to find out and walk my exam sufficiently – I am in-fact creating, and manifesting that very fear – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, and have a opposite idea within – thinking that fear protects me – and that fear will make me experience less failure – trusting that fear will make my life easier, and more safe – not realizing, seeing and understanding – that this is not the case

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear protects, and that fear makes me safe – and that fear makes me more comfortable – and that fear makes it easier for me to walk, and participate within and as my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath, and bring myself back here – and to realize that fear sucks – meaning that fear sucks the life force out me – and makes me a zombie unable to direct myself and make a decision – simply because I am stuck in a state of mind as fear – a state my–inn – meaning – being stuck in my own mind in my own world and missing to live – and participate in this world here

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fear my god, in believing that if I make fear my god – then fear will protect me – and fear will make me be safe – and fear will make sure that my life becomes a success – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and realize that fear hasn’t done anything for me in my life even though I’ve fully trusted and given my all to fear – fear has only served to limit me in my life – and to make life nothing but a failure, and a mistake – and a complete journey of failure

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the reason I’ve nearly not made some exams – has been because of fear – it’s not been because I’ve lacked the knowledge – it’s not been because I’ve been badly prepared – it’s been because I’ve went into a state of panic, and fear – and within this missed reading the question effectively – and as such not been in a relaxed, and comfortable state to be able to answer the questions effectively – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop trusting fear – and to instead live HERE with and as breath – without fear

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I go into a fear of forgetting everything when I am writing my exam, and going into a blank – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and within this I see, realize, and understand that I am in this moment giving my trust, and my life over to fear – instead of remaining cool – remaining breathing – remaining stable here; as such I commit myself to breath – and remain with and as my body in oneness and equality – and not go into panic – but to remain here with and as my human physical body in oneness and equality

2. When and as I see that I am going into fear, and I believe that I am protecting myself by going into fear – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I am not protecting myself by going into fear – I am in-fact merely creating that which I fear – which is obviously not what I want for myself and as such it’s stupid for me to rely upon fear – as such I commit myself to bring myself back here to breath – and to not rely upon fear but to rely upon my human physical body – and walking HERE with and as every breath – with and as every moment of being here – making sure that I live fully and that I don’t hold myself back in fear

3. When and as I see that I am participating in fear and that I think that fear makes me better, more protected, more enhanced to live and take care of myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – fear – is limitation – fear is stupidity – fear is the inability to be here – stable – sound and directive within and as the moment – as such I commit myself to STOP being a slave to fear – and to stop trusting fear – and instead begin practicing to only ever trust myself here – within and as my human physical body

4. When and as I see that I am making fear my god – through making a decision upon the basis of fear – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in making a decision upon the basis of fear – I am limiting myself, I am limiting my life, I am limiting my living and my movement here – as such I commit myself to bring myself back into and as my human physical body and participate – and walk HERE within and as my human physical body

5. When and as I give fear attention – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in giving fear attention – I am giving fear power – and I am removing power from myself as the living principle and direction here – as such I commit myself to bring myself back here to the physical – and to align myself with and as real power – as physical self-movement, and direction – and within this delete fear from my life in all ways – and walk fully the understanding that life can only exist where there is no more fear

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Day 14: Test-anxiety – Stress as motivation (Part 4)

How are stressed people portrayed in this world? Partly their portrayed as people that get many things done – that have lot’s of responsibilities, and are within that being productive – that’s why their stressed – their running from activity, to activity trying to get as much done as possible; but is this in-fact so? I mean – do stressed people get more things done that non-stressed people?

premed+stressHere I can take a look at myself and ask myself this question – do I get more done when I am stressed than when I am not stressed? The answer is – yes I do get more things done – but the quality of what I do isn’t very high – the reason being that when I am stressed – I in essence run through my activities in this mood of chasing the time – trying to catch, and hold the time – and I am within that not centered here in my breath, and fully into what it is that I am doing here.

Thus – stressed people (stressed me) do not get more things done that non-stressed people (non-stressed me) – this is a lie. Within this it’s fascinating to see how I’ve still adopted a belief that I need stress as a motivational force in order to get things done in my life – and that without stress – apparently I won’t get things done.

This reminds me of some interesting facts that have been mentioned to me in relation to driving. Many tend to think that when you drive superbly fast – that this will get you to your location faster than if hadn’t driven that fast – yes – this is true – yet the amount of time that you earn upon driving very fast is really not that great in comparison to the risk you’re placing yourself at when driving really fast. The same can be said about stress – when you’re stressed you might move a little faster, and tick more boxes of you’re to-do list – yet what you’ve done is not really done – but more half-done – because you hasted yourself through the process instead of being here with and as breath.

So – there I have it – proof that stress is really not this powerful tool that I’ve thought it was – it really only servers to make me uncomfortable in my body, and to have me miss important points in relation to what it is that I am currently doing. Thus – stress – go away from my life.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that stress makes me move faster, and have me get more things to be complete – and that I will be able to do more things when I am stressed – within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how stress makes me less effective in what I am doing – that I become absent minded – and that I miss important points because I am stressed and trying to get there – instead of being specific, and detailed here in this very moment that I am participating within here

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that if I let go of stress – I won’t be able to have any motivation to move myself in my reality, and complete tasks – and get things done – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand – that I am able to move myself by decisions – physically – and that do not require something more than me to move me – as stress – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of stress – and to move myself beyond the point of stress – in seeing that stress is really limited and not in-fact something that assists and supports me to improve, and become more effective in my day-to-day living

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist letting go of stress – in fear that if I do not anymore hold unto stress – and live by stress – and define myself according to stress – that I am then not going to have any sort of guide – knowing how fast, or slow I will move myself in my day-to-day living – within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to move me in the pace of breath – to move me in the pace of being here with my human physical body within and as oneness and equality

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify me becoming stressed within thinking that it’s normal to become stressed – and that this is something that everybody do – and not only me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others – and to use others in order to hold unto shit that isn’t supportive for me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath – and let go of stress – and see that it’s nothing that I will miss, and nothing I will regret myself for letting go off

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that stress gifts with a ability to understand, and comprehend more information – become more effective – more strong – and more directive in my life – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in being possessed with stress – I am simply missing my life – because I am not HERE – I am always over there in the next moment – trying to get something done – trying to accomplish something – instead of being here in this moment – and accomplish what is here for real

6. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move, and direct myself from within and as a starting point of lack of time – as feeling that I do not have sufficient with time – to be able to let go of stress, and fear – and apparently if I let go of stress and fear – then this will mean that I have even less time – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that time in itself doesn’t have anything to do with stress and fear – these are simply unrelated points – something that I have related in my mind through defining myself according to time from a starting point of energy – instead of being practical – physical – and standing with time from a starting point of seeing what is practical

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I am going into stress, thinking that stress makes me move faster – and have me complete, and get more things done – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that stress do not change time – it doesn’t give me more time – it merely makes me move more hasty and miss points in my life that are important – and within this I become sloppy; as such I commit myself to not move myself in stress – but to instead move myself in breath-awareness here – in the pace (peace) of breath – one physical foot in-front of the other

2. When and as I see that I fear letting go of stress, believing that when I do let go of stress I won’t have any motivation anymore – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am able to motivate myself – move, and direct myself – and I do not require stress to do this for me – stress is really in-fact useless – because it doesn’t serve to assist me in handling my physical world and universe; as such I commit myself to focus upon my physical directive decision movement – and perfect this – instead of thinking that stress will in anyway assist me with self-movement

3. When and as I see that I resist letting go of stress, thinking that I require, and need to use stress as some form of guide to show me how to live in my world – and that I can’t do without stress – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that stress is a useless guide – it’s simply a energy – a reaction – and not common sense – not any guide really merely a energy-indicator saying “run, run, run!” – as such I commit myself to stop relying on stress – and instead rely upon – and use common sense to move and direct myself in my day-to-day living

4. When and as I see that I am justifying become stress, thinking that it’s normal to become stressed – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that stress is not normal – it’s something that is induced into the body through thoughts – and not a natural immediate physical expression here; as such I commit myself to stop stress – and not compare myself without others – but to stick with my self-honesty – and honor that

5. When and as I see that I am thinking that stress makes me more intelligent, and intellectual – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that stress makes me less capable of integrating, and understanding information – and in-fact makes me misunderstand information; as such I commit myself to not be stressed – but to instead breath – and be here with and as my human physical body

6. When and as I see, and notice that I am moving myself from a starting point as lack of time – as thinking that the more stress I move myself within and as – that the more time I will have; I Immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – in moving myself from a starting point of lack of time – I am creating lack of time – because I do not stand equal to time – being realistic about what I am able to do within the time that I have at my disposal – as such I commit myself to be realistic with time – and to not plan millions of activities in a time space that isn’t made to handle that many activities – but understand the limits of time – and apply myself accordingly