Tag Archives: family

baby

Day 347: Babies

Yesterday I looked at the documentary ‘Babies’ that follows four humans through their first year after birth. Two of the babies featured in the film are from rural areas: Ponijao from Namibia, and Bayar from Mongolia. The two other are from urban areas: Mari from Tokyo, Japan, and Hattie from San Francisco, U.S.

I found the film interesting because it showed the difference between how people relate to babies and parenthood in first world countries, compared to third world countries. And one point that came through clearly was how the first world parents were more anxious, and worried about their babies, and approached the point of upbringing using intellect. For example, in the first world, the parents took their babies to ‘baby-classes’ – which is a couple of parents coming together with their babies, and with the help of a circle leader – the parents then explore a topic together with their babies. In the movie the first world babies sang songs with the parents about ‘mother earth’ for example.

In contrast, the third world babies grew up very close to the ground, and in case of the Namibian baby Ponijao, she literally grew up in the dirt, as neither the hut where she lived, or her environment provided anything else but dirt as a floor. And it was fascinating to see the difference, how Ponijaos mother was very relaxed and did not try to be or do anything more than usual. When Ponijao was born, her mother simply continued the normal day-to-day activities, yet now, taking Ponijao with her at all times. She did not try to educate or teach Ponijao anything from that stressed and anxious starting point that can be seen in first world parents, such as reading stories to make sure that the child gets the necessary vocabulary as fast as possible, so that it will do good in school later on. Instead Ponijaos mother remained stable, and when Ponijao indicated that she was ready to learn something or expand, her mother would naturally and smoothly move herself to show that particular aspect of reality. The development of Ponijao was on her premises, in her pace, not forced, not stressed, not controlled.

From what I can see, us in the first world, we have lost touch with our physical nature to such an extent that we do not anymore trust ourselves to birth and rear children, as a natural expression of ourselves. One of the reasons for this is because our lives has become removed from any deep connection with and understanding of earth. We do not grow our food anymore, or slaughter the animals we eat, we just go to the supermarket and buy what we need. And in the city, we see some trees here and there, however, we seldom get to experience and be part of a wild and expansive nature stretching a far as we can see. We are very protected from the sensations of reality, and thus, we do not create an effective relationship with the physical, and when the body births a baby, which is a natural expression of the physical body, we simply do not know how to deal with it. And try to read books, and figure out how we should be as parents, and make up plans for, and create magnificent illusions of how our future will be, without any real understanding of the physical expression of the body. And what happens when the baby is born? Oftentimes, chaos ensues, as we are brutally awakened by the reality of what it means and implies to have a baby.

If there is something I took with me from this film it is the importance of not approaching childbirth and raising a child from within and as fear and anxiety – not make it anything more than it is – not try to come up with theorems, educational tactics and other intellectual designs. Instead, to approach having a children as something that is natural – trusting the human physical body to do its thing – and then as the baby is here – trusting myself to direct each and every moment according to what is best for all. Understanding that a good education is not necessarily to learn to play a instrument, and three languages fluently, but it might instead be, to simply be with and discover reality, in a comfortable and slow pace. If the baby does not have an inclination towards reading, then why force it? The urge to control always arise from some type of irrational fear, and as a parent, it is very important to not let those fears take a hold, and begin to mold and design, and essentially limit, our child’s life from within and as those fears.

Childbirth and taking care of children are all natural parts of the physical – and us making such a big deal out of it only goes to show that we have separated ourselves from the physical – instead of standing one and equal with the physical – and walking the process of birth and parenting HERE – within self-trust.

 


Check out the following interview on parenting
https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-1

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lots_of_stuff

Day 338: Have You Become A Stuff Protector?

“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

George Carlin

Stuff, things, pretty things, expensive things, nice things, old things, entertaining things, desirable things, unnecessary things, all these are part of the average lifestyle of the first world country human being, from beginning of life till the end, we are overwhelmed with stuff. We value the concept of ownership tenaciously, and most of us strive to expand our sphere of ownership in various ways – mostly through career and money – but also through experiential ownership in the form of memories, spiritual, religious or adventurous experiences, thoughts, education, and more. Objectively speaking, ownership is a not a problematic or consequential concept what-so-ever. To own is simply a verb that defines the action of having physical or mental control/possession over something. However, when ownership becomes feeling/emotional-based – and when we start to define OURSELVES – WHO WE ARE – according to our possessions, that is when this lifestyle must be put into question.

I recently read an article about a wealthy person that had been part of a long and tumultuous divorce process stretching over several years – and in the process – he had lost most of his belongings to his former spouse. What I found fascinating was how this individual, even though years had passed, was still investing time, effort and energy, in pursuing more court procedures, attempting to get back the things that he had once owned. In this person, I could clearly see the disturbingly  addictive quality that money and ownership can have, where without us being really aware of it, what we value and pay attention to slowly changes from ourselves HERE – to what we own, to our things, and what we want to have, and what we already have. What takes a back seat is LIVING – and what becomes the primary focus is MONEY and expanding our sphere of OWNERSHIP.

As I read this article, I could not help but reflecting on my own life, and how I have changed in many ways similar to this person since I was young. Because, when I was younger, from my years as a baby to my later teenage years, the focus within me was more on PHYSICAL living – and as I aged – this focus slowly started to change into money and ownership. I could see this pattern playing out even clearer as my partner and I built a house together. When the house stood finished, I started to have experiences and thoughts that were previously unknown to me. For example, a mistake that had been made in the building process, the shower was not placed correctly and as I had imagined it, that started to gnaw on me, and emotions came up of regret, judgment, fears and anxieties, all because my greatest and most valuable possession (the house I live in) was not built as perfectly as I desired, and thus, was not worth as much money as I had expected.

I took a while for me to realize what was going on, and how, instead of me using and owning my possessions as a practical part of my daily life, my possessions were internally owning and possessing me through constantly being in the back of my mind.

“He who looks after, takes care of things; forgets by and by that things were meant to serve him, and it does not strike him now when he started to serve them.”

Osho

Osho made some interesting observations about ownership. One of these is how we make ourselves a slave to our things when we relate to them using emotions or feelings, and thus make them part of WHO WE ARE – and by implication – making ourselves dependent on our things to be WHO WE ARE. For example, a master can only be a master if he has a slave, if the slave disappears, the master looses the thing he used to create his self-definition – thus causing inner conflict.

What can be learned from all of this? The way I see it, the point to understand is that possessions, things, stuff, are not part of WHO WE ARE – we were not born with them and we will not be able to take them with us when we die. The house that I built, and that I now live in, the various physical parts that constitutes the house were here before I was born, and they will continue to be here when I have died, maybe in the form of a house, maybe in some different shape – in any case – the house does not define me. Sure, I use the house, I live in it, and I can appreciate the various creature comforts it provides, but it does not define me. And that is the key to joyful living – to be IN this world – YET – not OF this world. To keep our jobs, care for our possessions, tend to our bodies, yet never forget that these things does not make us.

Children are inspirational examples that show what it means to be in this world yet not of this world. Children, they are not yet defined, limited, and confined within a certain lifestyle, position, or career – they are free to express themselves regardless of where they happen to be at the moment – and that is something we should all strive to create within ourselves – the FREEDOM to express even though we happen to live in a limited system that seldom allows us to bring that point of expression into full application.

I would like to end of with sharing one important point of consideration that I have come to realize with stuff. Many seem to believe that it is the stuff we own that ties us down, makes us materialistic, egoistic, possessive, and self-interested – that makes us forget the unconditional joy we could access as children – however – this is not the case. We must not accept and allow ourselves to blame our stuff, or believe that we through getting rid of stuff can erase and change our relationship with this reality and the stuff that populates it. Because the problem is and has always been ourselves, and our relationship with ourselves. Most stuff that we desire and want are but projections of our own inner state of lack, only there because we have not created ourselves to live according to our utmost potential – and thus – our desire to consume and acquire more things is in actuality a misdirected attempt to fulfill ourselves. It is the same process that occurs when people start to mold and shape their bodies to resemble images portrayed in media, believing that by attaining such a picture perfect body image they will feel whole and fulfilled – that is not the case – it is an illusion.

Hence, if you notice movements within yourself in relation to the things you own, it is a cool cross-reference point, because then you know that there are still points to work with. A feeling of desire towards owning more entertainment gadgets could imply that you are not yet sufficiently capable of entertaining yourself, or creating an entertaining life for yourself. The correction is thus not to sell your television, but rather to look at the underlying issue that creates the experience of desire.


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Day 306: The Potential I See

When I first found Desteni and was introduced to the tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements, I clearly saw within me a potential. I saw a potential of me expanding, growing, and finally being able to release my emotional burdens, and instead focus my attention on creating a fulfilling life for myself. Eight years later, I can look back and conclude that in many ways, I have succeeded. I am a new person – more vibrant, excited, fulfilled and thriving – there is a purpose to my life – where I wake up each day and see the potential to create, enhance, and expand. My life is not anymore about feelings and emotions, experiences, and inner struggles, it is about living and self-creation.

This potential that I saw in myself back then, I see it in everyone. We all have a potential to become remarkable and extraordinary – however – without nurturing, pushing, and investing oneself into the process of realizing that potential – nothing will happen. Hence, we will only ever be as great as we accept and allow ourselves to be – one and equal.

What I see is that all human beings have a talent, some form of skill, a ability, we all have something that is uniquely our own that we are able to contribute to this world. Unfortunately, very few tap into this potential, and some never even get to see that they do have such a strength – mostly because we have not been shown how to see ourselves, or how to be intimate with ourselves. And in order to see our gift, and where we can stand in this lifetime to make an impact, we must get to know ourselves. Thus, this is why the process of Desteni is so important. Because with the tools of Desteni we are offered a way out of our confusion so that we can see ourselves with clarity.

For instance, with myself, before I found and began to apply the tools of Desteni, I was very much a lost soul. I did not know where to go or what to do with myself. I traveled places, did some odd jobs, floated around trying to fulfill the dream of becoming a musician, while all the while, not ever knowing myself and my strengths and aptitudes. My life was without direction – and the principle from which I walked my life was that of searching for and attempting to experience excitement, liveliness, and fulfilling my desires. It was all about the experience, and naturally, that lead me to consistently take the route of least resistance. Though I saw a potential in me to become stable, mature, moving myself with purpose, resolve and determination – and through using the tools of Desteni – I was able to realize that potential and make it a reality for myself – and express that change in my choice of career and everyday life.

I see the same potential for this world – I see how what is now soulless jobs, things that people do only to survive, can change and become careers, ways in which we CARE for this world and means through which we share our own individual gifts to make this world a better place.

I see how the family, that is currently a place of conflict, can become a foundation of support for each individual in this world, where you as a child, is born and nurtured to become the best that you can be; where you are given the best education, the best health-care, the best role-models, and the best financial opportunities.

I see how our judicial and political systems, that are currently a means to further the self-interest of but a few, can become institutions that work and push to develop society to become even better – and how laws can be created to support LIFE – expansion – fulfillment – and become the basis of heaven on earth.

I see how media can change, and instead of being a place of gossip and distribution of opinionated ideas, become a place of learning and expansion – and how we will be able to see other cultures, get in touch with new perspectives, become exposed to different forms of vocabulary, and how we in that can develop and grow as human beings.

What I find so fascinating about this is that in all of these potentials, the common denominator is SELF – the INDIVIDUAL – and hence – in order for our systems to change – we must change. In order for politics, and law to change, WE must change. In order for career, and jobs to change, WE must change – and instead of believing that we are trapped by the systems that are here now – we must understand that it is not about where we are, or what we do, it is about WHO we are in what we do. It is about WHO we decide to be in the small moments in life; do we stand up for LIFE or do we accept and allow ourselves to remain in old cycles of polarity – going back and forth in our minds missing the LIFE that is HERE in-front of us – the LIFE that we must take in our hands and CREATE – WALK WITH – and STAND WITH.

This has always been the problem – we as individuals must change – we must become the principle we want to see emerge in this world – we must become the second coming that we have been waiting for.

Hence – the potential we see in this world – that is possible – we can create it. Though in order to get there – we must take into account that this world and all its system exists out of individuals – and hence – when the individual change – the system change. Accordingly – changing the system goes hand in hand with changing yourself to be the best version of yourself that you can be – Realizing the Potential of Yourself.

alone

Day 290: All-one or Lonely?

On a recurring basis I have an experience of feeling very lonely, misunderstood, and diminished, and this in relation to friends, acquaintances and other relatives. The core of the experience is that I think/believe that I do not fit in, and that I have done or said something wrong, which makes me lonely, and everyone else, a part of the family and social experience. Today I am going to look more closely at this experience.

The first thing I noticed as I brought this experience up within me is that it is a emotion (negative), and hence, there must be a feeling (positive) that I am also participating in. Fascinatingly enough, the positive side of this equation has not bothered me, because it feels good to be included, loved, and accepted. What I have not considered in those moments though is that to feel included, loved and accepted, I must also have, and participate in the other polarity, as no energetic polarity can exist with and by itself.

Hence, the first question, when have I throughout my last week felt included, loved and accepted? Well, I see that this happened as I communicated with a friend of mine, and after the talk, which I felt went really good, it was a deep, and intimate, I felt included, and accepted, as if I was an important part of my friends life. Then, some days later, as I was sitting with my friends again, they were all talking with each other, yet I had nothing to say, and so I sat back and observed them. I did not feel invited and tended to by them, and afterwards I started to feel lonely, misunderstood, and rejected. And there is the polarity.

Now, what is the core issue here? What is there core point that I am missing, and the word that is required to be redefined? From what I can see, one word that I require to redefine is Friendship – because that is basically were a lot of these experiences, both negative, and positive, arise from. The problem is that the word friendship is currently this positively charged word, which I have seen as the origin of such points as acceptance, and value – and hence because I have polarized the relationship with the word friendship it creates various energetic conflicts within me.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for friendship, closeness, intimacy, and value in others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as these words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a role in the lives of others, where I feel that I am a part of something, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/define myself as being a part of life – as life – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not have to struggle, fight, and force myself in this life to be accepted – but that I can accept myself and stand as a part of life as life itself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize the word relationship, and friendship, to exist within and as a positive polarity of feeling included, and a part of something, and a negative, of feeling lonely, pushed away and excluded – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself through living this word from within and as emotion and feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for intimacy, comfort and closeness with others, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the most important relationship in my life in which I require and have to establish intimacy, openness and comfort, which is with my own relationship with myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the word relationship and friendship as parts of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a drive to be accepted and to feel comfortable, a part of, and close to others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in pushing myself to exist in such a state, I am compromising and loosing myself, because I am not standing stable and firm within my purpose and direction in this life, and here I see that it is obvious that my purpose and direction in life is not to be accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my integrity and my principles to be accepted by others – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view it as a superior success and completion when somebody seems to like me and they confer with me some of their bullshit – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself to have that in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to live the courage of walking my life with integrity and standing by my principles – where for example – I do not accept and allow myself to talk badly about others in order to be accepted – and I do not accept and allow myself to gossip or participate in gossip to feel included and accepted by a group of people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is easy to loose sight of what is important when in the world system, when in relationships, such as job relationships, and thus I commit myself to at all times keep an overview of things, keep a perspective, to see that my job and the relationships there are very specific in my life, and are not there to give me a feeling of closeness and intimacy, and that I am doing my work to survive, and pushing myself to be specific and walk my job description as effectively as possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow relationships to become my priority, then I loose perspective, then I loose sight on what is important, on what is relevant, and on my perspective on life – and thus I commit myself to stand with my perspective – seeing that I am walking this life to create what is best for all – to walk and create a purpose that I see is best for all – and in that I will stand with my integrity and principles – and I will not accept and allow myself to compromise myself to be liked and feel a part of something – as I will instead push myself to be effective, specific and disciplined in walking the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I am going to live my life to be accepted by others and feel a part of the lives of others – then I am going to miss my life – I am going to miss myself – and I am going to become unfocused and loose my direction – as I am constantly looking at others – how others are moving – how others are thinking – what others are saying and not saying – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself – place the focus on ME – on where I am going – on what I am doing – and thus not accept and allow myself to loose myself and my direction through becoming all concerned with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the positive experiences of feeling included, feeling a part of something, feeling liked, and embraced, when I am participating with other people, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I am participating in the positive, I am also creating the negative, thus creating the state of being of feeling excluded, inferior, pushed away and rejected – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to walk my life in stability – and fully express my potential – I must and require to stand alone – stand by myself – and not have this weakness in my of looking to others for safety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look in others for feeling safe and comfortable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realizing and understand that I can stand as that point myself – and that I do not need and require someone else to be my safety and comfort – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself to have another like – so that I can feel they are my safety and comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can develop that strength in me to be able to stand through all situations and stand alone – stand without anyone having my back – standing in this life – in this system – strong and stable – and not accepting and allowing anything to get to me – as I remain within and as breath and remain clear in my direction, my principles and my integrity – and remember/have an overview – as to why I am here and what I am doing in this lifetime

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a state of feeling positive, included, liked, and embraced, as I am participating with others, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I am participating in the positive, I am equally creating the negative, thus, I am creating emotions for myself that I will have to walk through at a later stage – and thus I see, realize and understand that in order to fully stand stable in my life – I cannot accept and allow myself to remain within a positive state of feeling – thus I commit myself to participate with others in my life from a starting point and experience of stability – of silence – of standing with and as my human physical body here as breath

When and as I see myself going into a state of negativity, as feel rejected, pushed away and lonely, when or after I have participated with others, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching relationships is not effective, as I am making my life about others, and being/feeling included, not about me walking this life, and standing with the purpose that I have given to myself, and what I want to build/create with and as my life – and thus I commit myself to stabilize myself – to remind myself of what is important – to keep my perspective and stand with my purpose as to what I am going to do in this life – so as to not loose myself in irrelevancies

Fairness

Day 288: Who is doing more? Who is doing less?

During my week off I did some physical work on the farm where I live, and I did that together with my brother. It was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed the process of using my body to move myself in the physical. In working like this with another I had one experience that was recurring, and it was the experience of a form of discomfort, fear, anxiety coming up within me. This experience originated from thinking about whether I was doing more work than my brother, whether my brother was going to stop working, whether he was slacking, or whether I was slacking. There was a supervisor existent within me that compared, measured and analyzed the various efforts of the involved persons, trying to answer the question whether the work was divided equitably or not.

So, from where does this pattern originate? What I see being the core point is the idea of fairness, and the fear of things being unfair. With siblings fairness is a big deal, and when things are not fair, the same for all siblings, then what tends to happen is that fighting ensues. The problem with fairness as a concept is that it does not take into account the variables of life, and the fact that persons have different needs, wants, preferences, personalities, lifestyles etc. For things to be fair, it must be the exact same for everyone. All must do the same type of labor, put in the same hours, get the same recognition, have the same responsibilities, and so on. However, because life is not the same for everyone and because everyone is not the same, the concept of fairness is bound to clash with reality.

The fear of things not being fair includes a fear of me being fooled/deceived into doing more than others. As with the idea of fairness, this fear is bound to create problems and limitations when coming into contact with reality. For example, in holding unto the fear of doing more than others, what tends to happen is that I do not do what I am able to do, and I do not put into the hours, effort and precision I could have, because, what if I then do more than others? However the fact is that, in order to really stand and be effective in this world, I require being willing to do more than others, and to put in that extra effort even though nobody else is doing it. That is why it is called being an example, because such a point of integrity and drive has not yet been established as the norm.

Life is not fair, which is completely natural, and that is because fairness is a abstract mental concept created within and as energy, and experience, and not through actual consideration of what is here in this world – not through actually considering how this world functions – and not in consideration of what is best for all. That point of consideration, what is best for all, must be the primary point of movement and consideration, and what is best for all does at all go with the concept of fairness.

Hence, a redefinition of the word fairness, where this point is taken into account would be as follows:

Dividing responsibilities, tasks, or resources, in a way that is practical and that makes sense for everyone involved

With this redefinition of fairness, it is not anymore about who is doing more, or who is doing less; it is about, what is practical, and what makes sense. And in living this redefinition, the fear of doing more than another cannot be allowed to exist, because that will again initiate an ineffective way of looking at and handling reality, where it becomes about checks and balances, instead of looking at what is practical and makes sense for everyone involved.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing more than another, and fear that I will be used, and abused, to have to do work that I feel is rather someone else’s responsibility, and that it would be more fair if someone else do it instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with and as the concept of fairness, with meaning that everyone should do the same, and to the same extent – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I cannot accept and allow myself to build my self-movement on wanting things to be fair, as that will only lead to me doing the minimum amount, and then expecting others to do the rest, instead of actively living in such a way that benefits others and that creates outflows that are best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to do the same as me, and expect me to do the same as others, instead of accepting and allowing myself to be more flexible, and in this see, realize and understand that life does not follow the concept of fairness, life is not the same for everyone, and hence, attempting and trying to enforce a concept/ideal of fairness unto reality will inevitably cause conflict, and consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid labor and responsibilities, and do the least amount possible, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be used if I take on responsibilities and actively move myself to do what I see is practical and best for everyone involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to when I am asked to do something, to immediately reference my idea/definition of fairness, to see whether I think that it is fair or not, whether I feel that it is equitable or not, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is not an effective way of approaching reality, and that it is not an effective way of creating/forming/building a society/life that is best for all – because in doing that I require to see beyond what is fair and equitable and instead look at what is practical/best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in keeping checks and balances, in viewing my life from within and as giving points to every action, or inaction, I am limiting myself, and clouding my view of reality and what is REALLY here – because instead – all of what I see is checks and balances – thoughts and inner conversations of whether I have done more or someone else have done more than me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – bring myself back here – and push myself to be aware of what is really here – what makes sense and what is practical instead of my inner checks and balances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want things to feel fair and in this not consider what is practical and what makes sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want things to feel fair and as if everyone is doing the same job and nobody is forced to do more – instead of looking at what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not genuinely care for others, meaning, to in-fact care that others have the best life possible, and are truly able to enjoy themselves, to pursue and live a lifestyle that supports them to reach their utmost potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about myself and my sense of fairness – instead of caring about this physical reality and what is here in the flesh

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about whether I feel that I am doing as much as others are – and not care about what is practical and what is best for all involved participants

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about my feelings and emotions and not about what is going on here in reality – and thus I see, realize and understand that for a decision to be what is best for all – it must be based on what is physical – what is reality – what is HERE and that cannot be argued or debated

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am looking at my reality from a vantage point of checks and balances, weighing the contribution of everyone, who does more, who does less, etc. I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in doing that, I am not giving birth to a living that is the most supportive and practical for all involved persons, and to do that, I require be HERE in the physical and look at what is practical and makes sense – and thus I commit myself to let go of my balances, and instead place my attention on what is physically going around in my world and move from that starting point

When and as I see that I am placing my focus on a feeling of fairness or a emotion of unfairness, when it comes to responsibilities, or receiving resources, or similar, then I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that what is best cannot be confined or defined within such limited experiences as fairness and unfairness – and that to see and create what is best – I must let go of self-interest and see reality without bias – see clearly all the various participants and the physical momentum – and thus I commit myself to develop and learn to see and assess my physical from a unbiased vantage point – seeing everything for what it is – and making a decision from that point – hence pushing myself to let go of self-interest and instead do what is best for all

unfair

Day 283: I Do More Than You!

Living on a farm implies taking care of stuff, and if you live on a farm that accommodates animals, taking care of stuff, implies taking care of animals. This is that situation that I am in at the moment, living on a farm with animals, and having responsibilities to tend to the animals.

However, in my situation there are some unusual variables to take into account. The animals, chickens in this case, are not legally ‘owned’ by me and another person has the more dominant, ‘ownership’ role in relation to the chickens. My responsibility to tend to the chickens was initially someone else’s idea, and the plan was that two persons were to clean the chicken coupe each weekend. These variables are important to consider, as they are an important of the reactions that have come up within me in relation to this responsibility.

So, as for the reactions, I have had thought of seeing myself as being jailed and used as a chicken caretaker, because recently, due to various reasons, I have had to clean the chicken coupe by myself, and still, I do not feel as if I am given any influence and power of the chickens as a ‘owner’ – and hence the backchat have come up: ‘I am the one doing all the work, yet I get nothing in return, people are just using me, I should not stand for this!’ – ‘I do not get anything out of this, why should I have to care for the chickens?’. Now, the emotional experience is unfairness, and resentment, and on a deeper level, it is all blame.

However, as I have walked this point, and become aware of these reactions, I have started to question this unfairness, and the concept of ‘ownership’ and ‘control’ – and why there must be an aspect of remuneration involved for something to feel as if it is ‘worth it’. As children, we were part of numerous projects, and responsibilities, yet seldom was there are sense of having to claim ownership and gain a form of reward because of our participation. It was a lot more natural to give, and receive, without thinking about who is getting more, who is gaining, who is loosing, etc.

I looked at the point today, and I realized that there are many people benefitting from the chickens that I care for. This benefit has no monetary implications for me; there are no rewards, though I can see, that what I do gives people nourishing and healthy eggs. Further, I take pressure of the actual owner of the chickens, as she does not have to give as much time and energy into caring for them. Moreover, it is actually supportive for me on a physical level to be outside, breathe some fresh air, and move my physical body around.

Hence, what I can see is that there are many positive effects flowing from my participation. And the experience I have of unfairness, well, it is just that, an experience, and it has no physical standing – because what does unfair really mean? That it feels as if everything is not equal for everyone? Why should it be exactly the same for everyone? We all have different schedules, different preferences, and different lives; hence, it is obvious that all things cannot be exactly the same for everyone.

Instead of looking at the experience of unfairness, what I should instead look at is physical, practical, cons that flow from this current setup. And here I can only see one, that I loose time. But time is something I do have, and caring for the chickens’ causes no buildup of pressure, and time constraint in my life – I have the opportunity to clean the chicken coupe without detrimental effects. And that means, that the only negative of this setup, is that it feels unfair, and as if I am being used – there is actually no real physical con.

This is a cool example of how something that feels like a big problem, in reality is no problem – and how it is easy to be fooled by the emotions of the mind when making decisions – believing that only because there is a emotion coming up, and this emotion is very intense, that it must mean that what the emotion is conveying is correct. A rule of thumb should thus be to wait with making any decisions until all emotions have been cleared – and the real, physical pros and cons of the decision have been established.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am facing a conflict within me, to place my focus on what I feel, instead of looking at the practical pros and cons of the situation, to look at what is a problem here in this physical reality, and not on what I feel is a problem in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that unfairness, and something not being just, are not acceptable reasons for deciding to not do something, because unfairness and injustice, both of these points are mental, meaning that they exist separately from this physical reality, and have no connection to what is needed, and what is best on a physical level – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain in the physical through looking at the physical pros and cons of a particular decision that I am facing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is unfair that I have to clean the chicken coupe even though I do not own the chickens, and I do not get to take part of all the perks of being the owner of the chickens, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in the idea/experience of ownership, and control, and make that point more relevant, and prevalent in my mind, than looking at what the actual benefits are of my participation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with and as backchat of how I feel that I am being used for the benefit of someone else, and that I am not getting to, or receiving all the perks that I see/feel someone else is, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my focus and attention on this point of unfairness, and enlarge it in my mind, to such an extent that I cannot anymore see the benefits flowing from the point, and where it is all about how I feel that it is unfair, how I feel that it is not equal, and that it is not good, and that it should be different

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be content with assisting and supporting a point in my life because I see that it is of benefit to others, and understanding that I do not need some form of leadership position, I do not need some form of special position, I do not need all the perks, what I require is that the physical pros of a point exceeds the cons, because when that is the case, it is best for all the apply myself in relation to the point, and when something is best for all, that is all the reason I need to get going

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that the solution is, to instead of thinking about, looking at whether the point is fair or not, to look at whether the point is best for all or not, because when a point is best for all, benefitting me as well as others, well, then there is no reason why I shouldn’t push myself and walk the point, and then it doesn’t matter who is in charge, who owns what, and what is where, because the point I am participating within will have a positive outflow effect unto others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is what it means to participate and live this life without ego, to be able to walk in this world and look at all points from a starting point of seeing whether it is best for all or not, and acting according to that, hence, not looking at points from within the question: ‘Does this serve me?’ – or – ‘Is this fair/just?’ – rather from the question: ‘Does this point support life’? – and if it does – there is sufficient reason to walk the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this not see, realize and understand, that when unfairness comes up within me, it is an indication that I have not yet established clearly my starting point, and that I have not yet looked at, considered whether the point that is before me is best for all, and whether there is as such a benefit in my walking/taking the point on – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not broaden my view, and way of looking at my life, and the points I participate within, to ask myself, is this best for all, does this support life, and is this supportive for me? And on the basis of the answer I receive on this question – ACT and move myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am reacting in a emotion of unfairness, resentment, and feeling that something is unjust, because I have to help with something, or do more than another, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this unfairness exists within me because I have not yet established how I am in relation to the point that I am facing, I have not yet discerned where I stand, and thus I commit myself to ask, what the pros and cons of the point are, and if the pros outweigh the cons, to then make the decision to participate in the point, and do so unconditionally, because I see that it is best for all – and in this understand that unfairness is a limited concept not taking into account that what is best for all does not need to be fair or just

When and as I see that am reacting in a emotion of unfairness, resentment, and feeling like I have to do more than another, while it is another that gets the most out of it, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this experience is mental, that it is a concept based on a mental picture of my life, and not on the actual physical practicalities of my life, and thus I commit myself to bring myself back to what is practical, through asking myself: ‘Okay, what are the pros and cons of this point?’ – and within this look at whether the point is best for all – and in this I commit myself – to if the point is what is best for all – and I have the possibility to walk the point – to do it – and walk it unconditionally with no ego – instead understanding that I am contributing to what is best for all and within that need fairness, justice, or sameness is required

Day 256: Squabbling

a couple is squabbling with boxing mitsToday’s blog will be dedicated to looking more deeply into a word that I have run into in my daily living. This word is ‘squabbling’ and in the dictionary squabbling is defined as the following:

A noisy quarrel about something trivial: family squabbles.

Now, not too unexpectedly, this point has come up in relation to my partner, and the agreement we are walking together. What I have noticed in moments is that I will enter a ‘squabble-character’ – where I will latch unto some trivial point that my partner disagrees with, and then push that as ‘my point of view’. Most of the time that underlying drive within my decision is the desire to be right, and to ‘win’ – and sometimes it is that I want to experience that slightly tickling feeling of being in a light argument with another – the same type of tickling sensation that sometimes arise when you are teasing someone. And basically this tickling sensation would be the energy of superiority mixed together with some excitement, and some genuine playfulness.

Though, within living this point of squabbling, there are some obvious consequences: Firstly, sometimes the other person might simply not understand that I am ‘teasing’ him or her with a playful attitude – which can cause a reaction, and in the worst scenarios an explosion – thus walking into this squabbling-character is like playing with fire. Secondly, what is really the point of squabbling? Does it in anyway support, or build the relationship between two individuals? No, rather it’s the opposite – it’s instead a cesspool of conflict where oftentimes, things start out with a low voice, talking about things that are ‘funny’, to then escalate into more serious matters, and sensitive points, and then to become more or less a conflict, and a fight.

I have found that it is easy to fall into squabbling-mode, and then start talking, defending yourself, justifying, and excusing, because apparently, you have to ‘talk back’. But do I really have to talk back? Do I really have to make it known how I oppose a certain idea/opinion, and then try to prove to the other person how my idea/opinion is better than their idea/opinion? No – I don’t – really squabbling is a polarity game between two individuals where both try to convince each other that they are right, and better than the other. Hence, when one of those individuals makes the decision to stop – squabbling will be no more – because squabbling feeds on the back and forth motion of the argument.

I see that there are some very effective ways of stopping squabbling – one of these is to in the moment when I notice I want to speak from within this slight movement of an urge to prove a point, or show a point, that I stop myself, breathe, and realize that I will not miss out on anything by letting this urge go. I will not miss a part of myself if I am not able to convince this other person to think like me, no, I will be just the same, like before, though, more stable, and grounded, and being able to focus on things that are of more importance than trying to convince others that I am right.

Squabbling takes time, it doesn’t produce any visible results, and slowly eats away at relationships – it’s not something supportive and hence shouldn’t exist within me – thus the remainder of this blog I will dedicate to self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements to support me to walk through this mind-pattern.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within and as a squabble character, where I am squabbling with another, and automatically disagreeing, or agreeing, from a starting point of wanting to win, and be right, and have another see things from my perspective, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to this squabbling-energy, and thus not see the consequences that I am creating through participating within, and being obsessed with this squabbling character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with squabbling, where I will talk back for the sake of talking back, and for the sake of that slight rush of energy that I feel when there is almost a conflict going on between two persons, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am limiting, and suppressing my real self-expression, my real beingness expression, because I am accepting and allowing myself to be intertwined, and sucked into this energy, where I don’t see the consequences of my actions, and the ripple effects of my words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change squabbling into stability, and communicating with a grounded stability here, where I do not accept and allow myself to squabble, but I instead remain stable, grounded, here – and have my words be a true representation of who I am as a being, and not represent a system of energy that comes up within me and demands my attention

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change squabbling into stability, and clear communication, where I as such do not accept and allow myself to voice myself, and speak from that slight urge, and desire to voice myself, and say something that I know will trigger, or set off another in some way, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am utilizing words deliberately to trigger another, to in that feel powerful, and strong, and justify this with thinking that it’s only teasing, not seeing, realizing and understanding that the underlying intent is not teasing, it is wanting to be in control, and wanting to win

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that another can’t allure me into squabbling, because it is always I that respond to a energy stimulant inside of me, and then I move myself on the basis of this stimulant, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I can change a moment, and a relationship with another, through not accepting and allowing myself to respond to that urge, and experience coming up within me, of feeling that I want to talk back, or say something that might potentially cause an experience within in another in someway or another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not a solution to talk back, because talking back implies reacting, it implies automatically and without awareness, immediately saying something to another, without considering the effect of the words, and without considering whether, or whether not I am able to stand with these words or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that a solution is to talk – to direct – to speak to another in clarity – to thus accept and allow myself to forgive any reaction that might come up, and any urge of going into squabbling-mode – so that I am able to speak and interact with another in a clarity and comfort – in a stability – where I know who I am and where I stand – and I know where my words come from – why I speak them – and what the purpose of my words are – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be more disciplined and specific with my words and how I accept and allow myself to voice myself with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify squabbling with thinking that it’s something I need to get out in the open, that I need to rinse the air, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s not a solution to ‘rinse’ the air, because in that I am not directing anything – I am only trying to get my experience out so that I can feel comfortable and good about myself – which is not taking the other person into account what-so-ever – but is only taking myself into account and how I want to feel better through unleashing my experience within me on another

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a state of squabbling, where I experience a urge to talk, to talk back, to get my point across, and downplay another’s, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that through going into this state, and speaking in it, I am sabotaging my relationships with another, and I am suppressing my genuine, comfortable and grounded expression, thus holding myself back form in that moment communicating, and sharing solutions, and supportive ways to tackle, and direct my life and another’s – and thus I commit myself to change my communication to being stable, grounded, and clear – and use my words to assist and support and build solutions instead of creating energy through squabbling

When and as I see myself squabbling, or wanting to squabble, which is signified by the fact that I feel this urge, desire, and feeling of need to speak, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that squabbling doesn’t lead anywhere, and it doesn’t give me what I want to have, it doesn’t create cool relationships, and it will only bring, for a moment a exciting energy experience – nothing more – and thus I commit myself to instead value and place focus on the physical – on what I am doing HERE in this moment – in this breath – and how I can assist and support myself in this moment to create my life – my world – and my physical reality to be the best that it can be through the words I am speaking and the communication I am participating within