Tag Archives: fantasy

Day 285: Grounded In My Responsibilities

One thing that I am really good at is being creative, imagining things, experimenting, finding new ways, and finding solutions to problems. It is a skill that I have developed through my life and that has also been inherent since birth – I have always been this way. Now, this skill, of being flexible and fast in my thought processes also has a downside – and this is hence a weakness that I have had through most my life – the ability to remain grounded and steadfast.

An example of how this polarity plays out is the following. During my weekends I have several responsibilities to attend to. Most importantly is cleaning, and then also tending to the chickens at the farm where I live. Though, what tends to happen is that my imagination starts running, and I concoct several other things I would also like to do; projects I would like to complete, things I would like to build, stuff I would like to investigate and research, etc. I then tend to become worked up about my imaginative ideas, which seem to be so much fun, and then my attention/focus go to these. What consequently happens is that I am not sufficiently grounded/stable in my reality, and because of this I forget responsibilities, I down prioritize things that are important and that should be given priority, and I become absent-minded and forgetful.

The problem as such is that I am not enough grounded in my physical body, not sufficiently steadfast in sticking with my responsibilities, which leads to unwanted consequences. Hence, what I want to change with myself is this point of me accepting and allowing myself to become carried away in imaginations and future plans – and replace this tendency of dreaming myself into states of exhilaration with a stability and sense of being grounded in my physical body. In order to be effective in this life I require having a balance – thus it is no solution to be constantly grounded in the physical, and never accept and allow my imagination to run, to see what possibilities there are for expansion and movement, and it is no solution to be constantly imagining new things, starting new projects and not following through on them.

Imagination and inner projection can be useful when they are self-directed, and when they do not get in the way of my responsibilities here in the physical. Thus something that I can practice, is for example, to give myself a moment each day where I ask myself the question: “Okay, what can be improved, what can be expanded, what is it that I can create in my life that would be of benefit?” – and then otherwise throughout my day, as I am tending to my responsibilities, to practice remaining grounded in the physical, and present with what I am doing. That way I will be able to create a balance in my life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overly active in my imagination, where I create these grand plans, and projects, and I feel really exhilarated, not seeing, realizing and understanding that when I compromise my already existent responsibilities, projects, and commitments when and as I accept and allow myself to exist in a state of constant projection, imagination, and forward motion towards something different than what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice being grounded and steadfast in my decisions, projects, plans and responsibilities, to push through the temptation of imagining other things I could be doing, or other things I could be experiencing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is for me to embrace repetition, and routine, and understand that these words are an important part of creation in this physical reality – that to build and create something – one have to walk the same or similar actions many times over until the point that one wants to create stands here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that being grounded here in the physical in itself offers opportunities of discovery, and adventure, where I can for example notice new things, or develop my skills in what I am doing in that moment, become more specific, and expand myself in someway or another, which I would not have been able to do if I instead was in my mind dreaming – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as a physical being – understanding that exhilaration, adventure and excitement are words that I can live within exploring and walking this physical reality here – and that I do not need my mind to stand as and walk my life within and as these words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to dreaming and imagination, and believe that this is the only way I can experience exhilaration, and excitement – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not experiment with living excitement and exhilaration in my physical reality with my physical body – to see how it is that I can experience these words for real and not just as energy in my mind

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into imagination, projections, and a inner excitement, exaltation, because I can create things in my mind, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow myself to venture into the realm of imagination, I forget what is here, and I do not pay sufficient, and enough attention to what I am doing here in the physical, which leads to me compromising responsibilities, and commitments – and thus I commit myself to remain grounded, physical and steadfast when I am walking through my day – to practice walking with one feet in-front of the other and being aware of every step and movement that I make

I commit myself to take time each day to sit down and look at what I can do with my life, with myself, and the resources I have at my disposal, to as such, each day push myself to expand, and see where I am able to create and expand myself and my reality – and hence I commit myself to direct this process of imagination and inner creation – and thus not accept and allow it to simply happen now and again – when I am not in control – and not specific about what I am doing in my mind

I commit myself to create a balance between imagination/projection/creating my future – and living HERE in the physical – understanding that when I accept and allow myself to venture into imagination-mode while I am doing things here in the physical, I will compromise myself and the moment that I am walking, because my focus and attention will be elsewhere – and hence I commit myself to be specific within myself when I accept and allow myself to go into ‘future-creation’ mode – to create it within myself as a decision and do this in moments when I am not compromising my relationship with this physical world

Day 258: Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance

In my past blogs in the Creating Movement Series I have gone into my own history with laziness, and also looked at some of the causes behind this particular mind construct. In this blog I will start to go through the practical solutions that I applied to walk through and direct laziness, and transform it into motivation, discipline and steadfastness. From my own experience, in order to change laziness, one of the most important points to get to grips with, and become comfortable with directing is resistance – because when you decide to change laziness into something more productive – you will face resistance and lots of it.

The usual and learned response to resistance is to simply back off – if we resist something it means bad news, discomfort, and pain. This is unfortunate, because as a matter of fact, any form of change is nearly always accompanied with resistance. In-fact this resistance can be seen in nature, as a natural law, when a object is in motion, and you try to stop it, and move it in another direction, you will experience that physical force fighting with you, until you stop it, and then move it in the direction that you want it. All motion has a force to it, and when we try to change it, there will be a period of discomfort – the same goes with changing laziness into motivation, self-discipline, and steadfastness.

Thus, the first point to master is resistance. And in the beginning of my process of changing laziness I experienced immense amounts of resistance the moment I stood before an opportunity to act, or I faced a responsibility that I had to tend to. There was not a single cell in my body that wanted to move forward, and with each step that I took, my body felt heavier, and heavier. It felt as if the only right thing to do was to go back to the sofa or bed, to simply not change this laziness, because the thought emerged: How can I ever push through this resistance, how can I ever become effective, and productive, when this heavy experience is following me with every step that I take?

Resistance however, even though it might feel intolerable, and create the illusion that it is impossible to go any further, will pass; it will lessen, and eventually disappear. This is due to the nature of resistance, because in essence resistance is energy – and no energy has a substance and solidity that can be compared with that of the human physical body. Thus physical self-directed movement will always come out on top of the resistance, though to reach that transcendence – you will have to walk through the moment when it feels impossible. The fascinating thing is that when you push through that experience of ‘it is impossible – I can not go on any more!’ – you will see that it is only a thought, only a illusion conjured by the mind, and that it is in-fact possible to move forward, to move ahead, even though it feels impossible.

So, when the resistance comes up, it helps a lot to have this understanding, that eventually the resistance will settle, and then you will be able to do what you set out to do without any experience hindering your progress. It is so fascinating to look back at my past, and see how much it was that I resisted: I resisted cleaning, resisted writing, resisted school, resisted reading, resisted exercise, resisted being social, etc. Today, there is none, or very slight resistance towards these things – why? Because I consistently pushed myself through the resistance, I consistently reprogrammed myself, and decided for myself that resistance is not going to hold me back – I will push through it when it comes up – and thus resistance lost its meaning and purpose – there is no room for resistance anymore because I have replaced it with words/expressions that are beneficial for myself, and others – such as motivation, self-discipline, and steadfastness.

As such – we are all able to push through resistance. Though, it does take practice, and I myself have fallen many times, given up, given in, went to bed, slept over, because I felt overpowered by the resistance. And here is another thing to remember, that it does not help to be hard on yourself when you fall, rather, stand up again, look at why the fall occurred – and move forward. Eventually you will not fall anymore, though there is a process to be walked until one is able to get to that point where the trust exists within self that each time resistance comes up – I will push through.

In my next blog I will walk through the Practical Solutions that I have found for handling and directing resistance.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Day 175: An Addiction To The Unreal

I’m now walking the ACTual process of stopping future projections – and this has lead me to some fascinating insights in regards to exactly what it is that at times makes me go into these projections – even though I’ve decided and committed myself not to do it.

When a projection comes up within me, a future plan, decision, or hope, there is an accompanying intrigue, fascination and urgency to it – the best way to describe the feeling is that unless I go into this projection – unless I take to heart and pursue it – I will MISS out on something. Thus, this is a dimension within myself that currently holds me back from stopping myself completely with this projection point – I feel, believe, and experience that when I am stopping myself – I am missing out on something.

Looking at it in common sense, it’s quite clear that YES – I am missing out on something when I stop my projection – yet: Why would I want to go through and take part in that which the projection has to offer?

I mean, the fascinating aspect of this missing out dimension, is that going into the mind, into the thoughts, the backchat, and the inner dialogue – it doesn’t in-fact have anything of substance and value to offer. For example when I go into a projection about the future, what will happen is that I will go into that state of dreaming, fantasizing, and creating alternate playouts for the future, but in reality – I am just standing still – not aware of my body and my physical environment – and thus not actually alive, breathing, and directing my reality here.

So, yes I miss out on something when I am not going into a projection, but that which I miss out upon is actually not of any value or worth – it’s simply energy, and different variations of pictures – though when I do go into my projections I miss out upon something real and tangible – a moment HERE with and as my physical body – a REAL moment here in this REAL physical world – where I am instead of being physical – directive – present – and here; inside my mind.

Thus, missing out on the fantasies of the mind = no big deal! Missing out on a moment of physical life and living = PROBLEM! Because obviously being here, living, participating, breathing and taking part of the physical actual world – that is what LIFE is – it’s not more or less than that – life is HERE and it’s thus up to me to make the decision to stand one and equal with that life and not accept and allow myself to loose a moment of life through being stuck in my mind.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lure myself into going into these projections and fantasies of the future through the fear of missing out, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the mind, fear letting go of my projections, my anxieties, worries, concerns, and inferiorities that are connected to the future – in fear that I am going to miss out upon something – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that it’s quite obvious that I am going miss out upon something – yet the point to take into consideration is what it is that I am missing out upon, I mean, a projection, a thought, some lines of backchat, is that really what I want from life? I mean – there is obviously more, such as a real physical breath here with and as my human physical body – and that is something I miss out upon when and as I accept and allow myself to go into my mind and start projection and creating future scenarios between my ears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how when I go into my mind – when I follow a projection and go up in my mind and start thinking, worrying, considering, and feeling the future – I am in-fact compromising and belittling my moment here with and as my human physical body, and I’m instead of living, actually participating and being a one and equal force in this physical world – existing in my mind – in a state of suspension – in a state of death – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and will myself to bring myself back here in every breath – to bring myself back HERE in every moment – to make the decision to not miss out on a single physical moment here – and realize that this is what matters – the physical is real – that is the point that I don’t want to miss out upon whereas my mind is simply energy – a round-and-round machine that doesn’t lead anywhere – and thus not of any value to exist within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become afraid and worried of letting my projections, and future scenarios go, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, that if I let my projections and future scenarios go, I am going to loose myself, and I am not going to know what to do with, and how to walk into my future, and how to direct my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust, as to how I am to live, how I am to direct my life, how I am to move myself, into my projections, into fantasies, into fear-experiences, into anxiety, believing that I need something more – something additional in order for me to trust myself and make the decision to move myself in my life – walk through my life and create myself here in this physical world and existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, and realize that I don’t require and need fantasies, projections, and fear, and anxiety in order to move myself, in order to establish a plan for myself, and then move according to this plan – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist, and fear letting go of my projections and fantasies, in the fear of being here with myself, in the fear of standing alone in this world, and being alone in this world, taking full responsibility for my life, wherein I am not anymore able to blame my thoughts, my fantasies, my projections for how I move and direct myself through my life, because it’s all me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not will myself to take responsibility – to stand as that point within my life and world as not accepting and allowing myself to be split within me – not accepting and allowing myself to be a house divided against itself – and instead push myself to exist HERE – whole – complete and full in every moment of breath – with all my attention and presence being HERE in this moment and in this breath and not spread, divided and compromised

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I am going into my mind, and I start to think of the future, I am missing a physical moment here with myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that gift that I am able to give to myself through actually accepting and allowing myself to let go of, and push through this tendency and habit of mine, to go into my mind, and to become mesmerized by projections, fantasies, and thoughts, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to be diligent and to be decisive and to immediately as these projections come up – say no – and push through that experience of missing out – and say to myself that I am not missing out upon anything – and that I am really missing out upon something through not accepting and allowing myself to be grounded – stabilized – HERE – with and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stop my future projections, thinking that my future projections are giving me something that I can’t create and establish for myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through future projections emulate the experience of movement – the experience of creation – the experience of challenging myself and pushing myself forward – wherein I will through creating these future projections almost feel as if I am there already – while I am not in-fact – thus fooling myself in believing that I am pushing myself and enhancing myself – and getting ahead – instead of realizing that I am just here – but in my mind thinking about things – and thus I commit myself to re-align this movement to expand – this push to establish and refine myself – and become more effective – as a actual physical and direct expression here – and thus make sure that I each day remain here and physical push myself to expand – to widen – to get out there and to actually make something effective – and worthwhile of myself on a physical actual practical level here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the life is to be lived in moments – that life is to be directed and walked in moments – that life is not supposed to be systematized and built to pursue and realize a purpose of some form – because life is HERE – and thus the same goes with this process – and the same goes with my life – that I will not be able to effectively live if I am constantly somewhere in the future – somewhere ahead in time – somewhere out there that is not actually HERE – and thus I see realize, and understand – that in order to live fully – and order to live completely – I require to let go of my mind and my projections and embrace the HERE – this moment HERE – and walk my process and my life on a physical moment to moment basis – because from HERE I will be able to make sound and effective assessments of my world and accordingly effective decisions

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into future projections in my mind, and I don’t want to stop, or bring myself back here, because I feel that I would then be missing out upon something, I breathe, and I state within me that, I will not miss out on anything, because I will gain the physical – a physical real moment of living here – something that is of substance that is a place in existence wherein I have the power and ability to affect change – and make a difference for myself – and thus I commit myself to bring myself back here – and live here – and walk with the physical – and push myself through my tendency and addiction to go into future projections and experiences in my mind

Day 173: Trusting Myself Whatever May Come

I am continuing walking what I began in my last blog – and it’s in relation to the topic of fear and worry towards the future, and specifically one dimension that contributes to creating this point – which is the lack of self-trust.

In my last blog I showed through walking a mind-construct the fascinating nature of fear, where the interesting aspect of this energy is that it trigger me to search for a solution – a way out of the fear – yet that point will also exist within the nature of fear – and thus what happens is that there is a fear roundabout – where solutions are created to sooth the fear, and because those solutions are based on fear, more fear-solutions are required to sooth the new fear – and so this point accumulates, and more, and more so-called solutions are created in order to avoid the initial fear.

Obviously, there is much easier way to deal with this – and that is to forgive the fear – to understand the fear – to walk into the belly of the beast and investigate the fear and what it actually consists out of.

So, let’s again look at my thoughts more closely – what is the nature of my thoughts?

I can see that one aspect of the thoughts is the fear of making a mistake, and if I make a mistake, I will found out to late, and then I am going to have to face the consequences of my decision, which will be uncomfortable and unsafe. The inner projection goes something like this: I see myself in the future, I notice that I haven’t effectively planned my way into the future, and that my life is not taking on the shape and form that I hoped for, I then go into fear, and think that, I shouldn’t have made that decision à which in real time causes me to go into conflict about a particular fear-solution that I’ve established in my mind.

Really, what is that I am able to learn from this entire carousel?

Well, the most basic insight is that decisions shouldn’t ever be based upon fear, ever, and the simple reason for this being that it doesn’t produce very effective decisions, because one tend become paranoid, and create all types and forms of events, and failures in one’s mind before one have even begun to walk the point in physical reality, which is obviously very fascinating – thus – in order to for real establish a solution for the future – the first point that must be settled once for all is the fear – there can’t be any fear if there is to be an effective movement into the unknown.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to create solutions for me fear, through creating more future projections, not realizing that these are also based upon fear, and that the origin point isn’t dealt with, the origin point being lack of self-trust, lack of self-reliance, a belief that regardless of what I do, I am going to fail, and the worst possible scenarios will come my way, and be in my way – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that first and foremost, before any decisions are made, I first require to deal with my fears – I first require to establish that self-trust in me – that regardless of what might come – I will walk into the future and direct the future and not accept and allow myself to be swayed or manipulated by fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in relation to the future, to trust myself that when I walk into the future, I will stick to my breath, and my physical direct application here, and I will move myself through any challenge, and any difficult, and I will create my life as what is best for all – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, within and as this state of constant protectionism, a constant state of preparation, wherein I am preparing myself for the worst, and attempting and trying to find countermeasures, and ways in which I will be able to save myself from the fears that arise in my mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the more I think, the more I polarize my life, and the more fear I create – the more hopes, and desires – the more fears – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution here is to let go of my fears and anxieties – and walk into my future with a straight back and not accept and allow myself to look back in despair and worry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this fear I am generating in my mind, comes from this idea and belief that I can’t trust myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to state within myself, that I am not able to trust myself, that I am not able to rely upon myself, that I am not able to walk into the future, because I am not effective in my movement, direction, and functionality – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of developing self-trust, and self-reliance, and seeing that I am able to walk into the future and deal with any point that comes my way – to instead place my trust in fear, and anxiety, and see and believe that these points are my haven, that they are my security, and that without anxiety, and stress, and fear – I won’t be able to walk into and create a life for myself in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of trusting myself – trust fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when and as fear comes up immediately step in – and state within me that I don’t require this fear anymore – because I stand as my own point of self-trust – thus I will walk with myself into the future and I will stand by myself and make sure that I get done what is required to be done – and thus this fear is no longer required or necessary – I instead stand as this point of self-support and self-assistance in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with and as fear of the future, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the so-called solutions I come up with in my mind are actually but more fear, wherein I create another scenario of fear in my mind, and generate even more fear, and within this I see, realize and understand that the solution is not more fear – the solution is not more anxiety – the solution is not more thinking – the solution is slowing down – and specifically forgiving all of these fears, and not anymore giving attention to, and accepting and allowing myself to become self-obsessed and possessed within and as these fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea that I must do more courses the next semester, from a fear that unless I do so, I won’t get a job, and within this create fear, that if I do more courses, I will get a less effective grade on what I am doing, and then this will contribute to me not getting a job, and getting my hands on money – and thus I realize that the origin point is not the studies, is not my education – I mean that’s simply a practical point of consideration – what is the origin point is FEAR – and the lack of self-trust that I will be able to stand up and walk into and direct myself in my world – and face the challenges that might arise in my world and walk through them – and direct them – and not accept and allow myself to waver and hold back within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to walk through my fears, and to stop my fears, and realize that this is a point that I’ve not yet completely lived and applied, the point of actually, in-fact stopping myself in the moments when I notice I want to go into and think about my future, and start planning my future, and attempt to avoid some form of fearful outflow that I imagine for myself where my life will be without meaning, without purpose, and I will not be able to deal with my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to make each day a fear stopping day – and fear forgiveness day – where I forgive each fear that comes up within my mind immediately – and then I stop myself from venturing further into thoughts of fear – and I bring myself back HERE – and I participate – interact and live HERE

Self-commitments

Thus – today is my fear stopping day – and I commit myself to live this application through stopping future projections, stopping myself from following thoughts that I know are triggered by anxiety or fear, and forgiving the fears when they arise within me

Thus I commit myself to bring my trust back to myself here through letting go of the projections, through letting go of the fear, and inserting a new program – that is self-trust and self-reliance HERE – and I commit myself to live and apply through making sure that I take responsibility for and direct my life in any given moment – and that I live HERE – and that I plan my future and walk into my future from a starting point of HERE as what is best for all – as what will produce the best possible outcome for everyone involved – and thus I commit myself to insert this point into my daily life and living and not anymore accept and allow myself to be obsessed and possessed with fear

Day 164: Dreams As A Solution

A continuous thought pattern and experience, that I’ve written about before, but not yet walked to completion, is that of anxiety, and fear of the future – and I see that this particular point is of such magnitude, that it actually clouds me from seeing in which direction I require to go, and move myself, and how it would be beneficial for me to walk in the world system, as well as in my personal life.

What I see about this fear is that it comes up within me in the shape and form of dreams and fantasies, it begins either with a initial excitement, or with a slight brush of anxiety, and this is related to the future, and the dream and fantasy contain a preferable play-out wherein I will achieve something, get into a particular position, or acquire some form of possession that will make me feel comfortable in life, or increase me stature in the system.

An example would be that I’ve recently had dreams and fantasies come up in my mind in regards to education, wherein I’ve pondered whether I should walk two educations at the same time, or but one, and I’ve in this dreaming considered how much more secure I would be in the world system if I was in a position of having two educations, and also become excited in terms of seeing myself in the future with much knowledge, and understanding of how a particular point out there functions.

Thus, what I am able to see is that my dreaming, and fantasizing about the future has two dimensions: it has a fear dimension, wherein I fear for my survival, and I use dreams, and fantasies to create solutions for that fear, to calm myself, and make me feel more confident about myself – the other dimension is that of being excited, which indicates that there is a word I am able to live, and bring back to myself here – and what I see is that the word my dreams, and fantasies represent is that of self-expansion – and thus I am able to bring that word back to myself HERE, and practice applying and living it as a daily living application.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fantasies and emotions to build up, and support my fear patterns, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my future, and to fear for my survival, and to fear that I won’t be able to effectively secure for myself a position wherein I am able to gain money, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a state of panic, and anxiety within me, wherein I use dreams, and fantasies to create alternate reality’s and dimensions in my mind, to create some form of feeling of safety in me, and that I am in control, and that I know what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear, and anxiety that I am going to loose control, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within, and as a fear of not being able to predict my future, and plan my future exactly, and be certain and sure about what is going to happen in the future in terms of money, survival, and my relationships, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a fear of survival, instead of developing self-trust, and pushing myself to walk in breath, and to stand in the system and direct myself to my fullest potential according to what is here in this moment, and according to how I am able to move myself in order to create benefit and support for myself on a physical basis

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear and anxiety towards being alone in the world system without an education, without a skill that others want to have, without having access to relationships that make me feel comfortable, secure, and stabilized in my world and reality, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to into and as a survival fear of the future, wherein I perceive, and define myself as being insufficient, and not effectively enough equipped to take on and walk the world system, and walk myself into a position of economic and physical stability and support, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into fear, anxiety, worry and concern, instead of stabilizing myself here, establishing a plan for myself, and then directing myself according to this plan, and not accept and allow doubt, fear, worry and concern to creep in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful of my future, fearing that I won’t be able to direct myself in the competition that exists in the world system in regards to getting money, employment and creating a future for oneself, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself, and exist within and as a starting point of constantly trying to find ways to increase my value, and worth on the job market, in fear that unless I do that, I won’t be able to stand the competition, and I won’t be able to create anything of worth, and value with my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to perceive and define myself as being inferior, and less than the system, and less than employment, and less than money, and think that the only way I am able to handle this, and walk it all through, is through me going into fear, and subjugating myself, and making myself a eager slave

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself that I am not a good employee, and that I have difficulty to survive and move myself in the system, and that I am overall, not very effective when it comes to social relations, or establishing networks, or getting things done, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what is going to happen with me, and how I am going to deal with, and walk through this world, when I am finished with my education, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself, and think that I am not able to take care of myself, and I am not able to take care of my own life, and I am not able to focus, and apply myself, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my reliance, and my force of movement in the hands of fear, wherein I want and desire fear to move me, and I want and desire anxiety to move, to take care of me, and put me in a position in which I feel safe and secure in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be intertwined and constantly busy within and as a anxiety, stress and fear towards the future, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to constantly exist in a state of ‘what-if?’ – wherein I exist in a fear of what might happen, and how things might go, and a fear that unless I each moment push myself to survive, and control things, that my life is going to go down the drain, and that there is going to be nothing I can do about it, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a fear, and anxiety of becoming but slave labor in this world, and loosing my position of being comfortable, and having a easy, and stable life, and instead facing the darkness and the unpredictability that exists within this world for those that have no access to money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming overwhelmed with the system, to fear becoming engulfed, eaten and devoured by the system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a mode of protection, wherein I constantly attempt and try to make sure that I have control, in fear that unless I walk this control point, that the system is then going to take control of me and lead me astray, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust in control, instead of accepting and allowing myself to trust myself, and see, realize and understand that I am actually able to walk into the system, to apply myself in the system, yet this doesn’t have to affect me in anyway what-so-ever – and I can actually utilize the process of walking in the system to support myself to open up points, and to stabilize, and ground myself even further in my self-change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and go into a constant state of anxiety and worry, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it, and define it as being normal for me to worry, and think that it’s a natural behavior, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this anxiety, and question this worrying, and see, realize and understand that I am able to do something about this state of anxiety and worrying, that I don’t require to live, and move myself and exist in this state of energy, but that I am instead able to bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, and motivate myself on a physical basis, wherein I am not moved by and through energy, but moved within and as my own decision for me to move and direct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear that there isn’t enough time for me, and that I am not using the time that I have sufficiently effective for me to have an impact in my own life, and for me to complete, and get done my responsibilities, and commitments, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of fear of loosing time, and a worry, and anxiety in relation to loosing time, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I exist within and as a fear of loosing time, and a fear of not getting things done, and fear of not having sufficient with time, then this is what I am creating for myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself back into and as my human physical, back to my breath, and instead of existing in a fear of loosing time, live and participate and move myself here equal with time, and walk with breath, and create myself with breath, and not be out of breath all the time

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am moving, and applying myself in my life, from a starting point of fearing to loose time, and feeling that I have to little time, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this point of fear of loosing time in-fact makes me loose time, and that as such, the solution is to live HERE with and as time, and not in fear of loosing time, or feeling that I have to little time; thus – I commit myself to breath and walk with time, with breath, with my body here, and not project myself into my mind

When and as I see that I am going into a state of looking at my future from a starting point of fear, and anxiety, wherein I am planning, and trying to get somewhere, to secure my position in the system, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am here, and that my potential to direct and live myself is HERE and not out there in the future, and thus I commit myself to live, direct and move myself HERE – to work with what is HERE in my life and stop believing that my life is out there in the future – I am here

Day 110: Fact or Feeling?

I am currently listening to an interview series called “The Crucifixion of Jesus” – and the topic is wants, and how we from want create fears.

The pattern goes like this – we first state that we miss something, after that we go into a state of wanting that thing, and after that we go into a fear of loosing our want, and this is something I can relate to in regards to careers and money. Because, for quite a long time I’ve been wanting a specific career path, wanting a specific type of job, and within this I’ve gone into a fear, and anxiety that I won’t be able to attain and get this particular position.

So, I am in this blog going to look closer at this particular point, of how I create wants, and then go into fears about not being able to attain those particular wants, instead of creating a direct relationship with a want, and creating such a point in practical reality, through practical living, and not through utilizing any form of fear, anxiety and nervousness.

In relation to this particular point, with career, and money, another point is worth to be mentioned, and that is the point of how I tend to dream, and imagine things to happen in the future, and within this create wants, but not really having a clear and actual understanding of the practical point that I am actually desiring and wanting. For example, in regards to careers, I’ve wanted to have this specific career-path, yet in looking at the point for what it is, looking at the information that is out there describing this particular career-path, I am able to see that what I hoped that this would, is in-fact not real – and thus the job in it’s actuality is not in-fact in anyway resembling the want existing within me, because the want is merely a energy, and a experience, connected to particular fantasies, and it have nothing to do with reality in-fact.

Thus, within this I see how important it is to remain practical, and to make sure that within one’s decisions, that one take reality into consideration, and act according to what is practical, what is physical and what is real, and not according to how one feel about a particular point, because the feeling, it’s simply not real, and it doesn’t actually show or describe what is real – it’s just that – a positive feeling one have about a particular outcome or result, but with no understanding of what that outcome or result actually represents.

The most effective way to walk in this life, is to walk without creating any form of feeling attachment towards one’s external reality, because in walking like this, one will be able to act and make decisions according to what is real.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider points, and make decisions as to what I am to do with my life, and how I am to live my life, according to energy, according to feeling and experience – instead of looking at the reality of the situation, and looking at what is in-fact here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire, and want points from a starting point of how I feel about them, instead of making a decision to manifest and create a point into my life and reality, because I see that it’s common sense, I see that it’s effective, and I see that it benefits me on a practical physical level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk in my life, to direct myself in life, to make decisions, and to consider points, from a starting point of how I feel about them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in relation to career, create a particular positive energy towards a particular career path, and want and desire to walk this career path, without making the actual research as to what this career path entails on a practical and physical level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a career decision without first researching what a particular career path implies on a physical level – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind to direct me in my life, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this particular way of moving myself in life is not at all effective – because what happens is that I make decisions and then I have no clarity and context as to the actuality of what the decision implies, I just make the decision and then hope it’s going to turn out as I desire and want – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – stabilize myself here within and as breath – and as such make decisions from within and as a starting point of what is practical – and not from within and as a starting point of desire or want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it’s obviously not in anyway practical or relevant to who I am, to make decisions according to how I feel about points, simply because it doesn’t matter in terms of my physical existence and experience of myself – because what matters – what is relevant – is my physical existence and world – is what is here and what I am able to touch and cross-reference and make sure for myself is in-fact what it is; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change my way of looking at this world and the various opportunities within it – from feeling to instead looking at what is practical – relevant on a physical basis

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a want, from within and as stating within me that I don’t have that particular thing, I miss that thing and apparently need that thing to complete and fulfill me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead make a decision from within and as a starting point of what is practical – what is relevant – where I see that a position in the system would be effective for me to go into; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and accept and allow myself to push myself to work with what is real – and not work with what is here from a starting point of feelings and emotions as experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am in-fact making completely irrational decisions when I accept and allow myself to move and direct myself from within and as a starting point of feeling and experience, instead of looking at what is here – looking at what is a physical actual reality – and thus moving myself from the research that I’ve made and that I can cross-reference with another to be accurate and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from within and as a starting point of want, and desire – as feeling that I need and must have a particular outcome in my world else I will somehow not be fulfilled and I will be missing out – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am in-fact limiting myself extensively through holding unto this particular idea of how I must move myself in my reality – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to move myself practically here – to realize that the dreams, fantasies and imaginations that come up in my mind – they are in-fact no relevant as they do not show me a proper and relevant picture of reality and thus are not reliable in terms of utilizing these as sources upon which I base my decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that regardless of what career-path I decide to walk, the point that will remain the same is who I am here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that a particular career path doesn’t define who I am, doesn’t create who I am, doesn’t make me – it’s simply something that I do at the time-being in order to ensure that I have a sufficient amount of money at my disposal so that I am able to walk my process internally and externally and bring forth and create a money system that is best for all – wherein I won’t anymore have to hunt for money but where money will be here at my disposal and I such can utilize my time to things that are more important and relevant than hunting for my survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all career-paths in the system are in someway limited, and that regardless of what path I choose, none will be completely fulfilling and effective, because that is not how the current system is structured; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger, frustration and despair at the fact that I will have to in a way “lock myself into” a particular position in the system to make money to survive – instead of realizing that this is nothing to react towards – it’s simply how the system currently functions – and thus in order to walk my process this is what I must align myself with and direct as myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a reaction when I stand before a point, as a career-path, wherein I realize that in order to walk this career-path I must dedicate and put down massive amounts of time, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear and anxiety towards the point of loosing my time, loosing out on my life, and loosing out on my self-interest as my freedom to do what I desire and want in my life, at any time when I want; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – bring myself back here – and see, realize and understand that in order to become a part of this system – I must embrace and walk in the system – for a moment – and that this is obviously nothing bad or wrong, it’s simply what it is – and thus I walk in the system while I at the same time make sure that I dedicate my other time to the point of creating a new system that will be best for all – so that I do not anymore have to spend so much time assuring my survival but that my survival will be a given

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I want to make a decision in regards to my future, in regards to career, and in regards to what I should do with my life, upon the basis of a want, or a fear – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that motivating and moving myself from this particular starting point as fear is obviously completely ineffective – because common sense dictates that a feeling or a fear can’t in anyway show me what is the best decision as it’s not based on a factual research; as such I commit myself to make decisions upon the basis of actual research as researching the actual physical points that are here – and not walk and move myself in accordance with how I feel

When and as I see, realize and understand that I am looking at a point from a starting point of a emotion, or feeling, such as wanting, desiring, or fearing – and I am about to make a decision – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that a decision can only be effective when it’s based on the REAL facts – as the facts that are proven – and that a imagination, a fantasy, or a dream, can’t be used to make an effective decision as these points are not real; as such I commit myself to take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and make decisions, move myself, and direct myself in my life, in accordance to proven facts, and not in accordance to how I feel and experience myself in relation to a particular point

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Day 88: Abandon All Hope

Hope is in today’s world often celebrated as this great feat of humanity, that we’re able to hold unto hope of solving something or getting out of the trouble were in even though there is no possible practical solution to what we’re facing; though is this really such a great feat after all?

343103905_640Let’s look at it – imagine that you’re in a war and you’ve been ordered to attack some type of hill. Before the attack your commander tells you that you’ll probably die because it’s a very risky mission – now in this situation imagine that you’ve this hope of surviving. You’re afraid sure, but still there is this hope within you that “I will maybe survive!” – now what is fascinating here is that this hope doesn’t really mean anything in terms of your actual odds of survival which are practically speaking very low. Even though you have this knowledge the hope will still be here – and here it’s fascinating that we tend to speak so warmly about hope as this thing that “man never gives up” and that apparently “makes him so special” – but really doesn’t it make him rather stupid?

Let’s go back to the imaginary scenario of the battlefield, where you stand and make yourself ready for your mission. You don’t particularly feel obliged to do it, but you know there’ll be consequences if you try to escape, and because you hold on to this little bit of hope, you decide to go on the mission even though you know the chances of survival are slim – and then you die on that mission.

What would change if you didn’t have any hope? We’ll you’d be able to practically assess the situation, and practically see that “hey – I will probably die if I go out on this mission, is there another way out of this?” – and as such in letting go of hope a fascinating thing opened up: REALITY – and here is where it get’s interesting – reality is in it’s very nature merciless – it’s without compassion and it’s without justice; reality is a bitch that will give back exactly what you give in – and to live effectively in reality THERE MUST NOT EXIST ANY HOPE; because hope is a drug that makes us cling unto to these small branches of probabilities and unlikely turns of events – we hope that it will happen but we fail to see that reality doesn’t work in accordance to hope – it works as a mathematical equation where what you put in equals what you get back; it’s as simple as that.

Thus – with this I want to show just how useless hope is, and how it’s really just one of those completely meaningless feelings that feel good but mean nothing when the going get’s rough – it’s just a feeling and nothing more; a feeling that makes us stupid because we will walk even though the odds are against us, we will walk even though everything shows us that it won’t work – we will walk even though WE KNOW that we can’t really pull ourselves through whatever it is that we’re facing; and that is in-fact the definition of stupidity.

Conclusion is as such that – hope is stupid – or hope makes us stupid; and why continue to be stupid?

Abandon all hope: that is the key to real self-action – real self-movement; when there is no more hope there is only one thing left to do – find a damned solution and fast!

Thus – walk with me and let’s remove and release ourselves from this stupidity that hope in-fact represents.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto hope for a better future, to hold unto hope for a better life for myself, and a better experience of myself somewhere out there, and think that this experience will just come to me, that this life will just arrive one day because I am hoping for it; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how hope is a drug that makes me stupid – because I want to believe that my world is going to turn out in a particular way – that my future is going to hold a particular value – yet looking at the point in reality there is absolutely nothing that says this is so; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not abandon all hope – and to let go of any form of positive experience in relation to the future – and instead change myself so that I act – I motivate myself – I live – and I participate – and I push myself to create that future that I want – to create the life that I want; as a future and a life that is best for all in always

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify hope as this fantastic feat – thinking that it’s marvelous that I can remain positive towards the future even though the future is grim and that I see there is no way out for me in terms of facing this particular consequence – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use hope to blind myself from the truth, to blind myself from seeing what is real, what is actual, and what is in-fact happening in my life, and in my reality; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of all hope – to not let go of all desire to have a particular future and realize that feeling positive towards the future doesn’t change anything – and that a feeling have in-fact no power in this physical reality and that it’s as such completely meaningless, completely without a purpose and without a reason

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in holding unto hope I am limiting myself and compromising myself, as I will make decisions that aren’t based in common sense but based in hope – thus making decisions that aren’t in anyway aligned with and as reality – with and as the physical – with and as what is real – but decisions that just feels good to make; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lead my life on such a ineffective principle as hope – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question hope – to not investigate hope – and to not ask myself the question: does hope really contribute to anything at all in my life or is just this nuisance that makes me miss important points and considerations in my life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I will loose nothing in letting go of hope – but in-fact gain everything – as hope to begin with isn’t real – it doesn’t give anything of substance as it’s not a actual physical substance it’s just this mist inside of me with energy that I’ve allowed myself to give precedence before my actual physical real reality that is here in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give hope precedence over that which is real – to believe that hope is more important than that which is real – to believe that hope holds any form of value and that I will loose something in letting go of hope; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and see, realize, and understand that this is a falsity – that I will loose in-fact nothing in letting go of hope because hope isn’t real to begin with; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to stand without hope, that I am not able to motivate and move myself without hope, that I am not able to make decisions without hope, instead of seeing, realizing, and understand that – I AM ABLE TO MOVE – PARTICIPATE and TAKE ACTION without hope; I don’t need hope

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and withhold myself in a state of self-suppression wherein I will not act – I will not risk anything – I will not push myself to move and direct myself because I still hold unto hope that things are going to get better by themselves – that things are going to move by themselves; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and see, realize, and understand that – in letting go of hope I will in-fact enable myself to make the decision to walk in this life time with complete commitment and dedication to the point of birthing myself as life from the physical – and creating a world that is best for all in always – and as such I commit myself to let go of hope – and to within this dare to live and dare to have the courage to stand and face this reality as it is and walk solutions instead of covering and hiding in hope

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cover and hide in hope and wait with taking action until I am in-fact facing consequence; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of all hope and as such take action immediately – to not wait and hope that things will get better – or hope that things are going to change – but to immediately take action – move myself and direct myself to get things moving, and to get things done – and to not wait for consequence before I move and direct myself to sort things out in myself and my world

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am holding unto hope and I look at my reality with hope – thinking that things are just going to get better, they are going to be sorted out by themselves – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that I am within holding unto to this particular hope limiting myself and creating consequences for myself – because I am not pushing myself to move and direct myself when it’s required because I am instead simply hoping that things will move and change by themselves; as such I commit myself to let go of all hope – and to push and motivate myself to find solutions to the problems and issues that I am facing – and to stop covering and hiding in hope

When and as I see that I am hopeful, and that I feel good about an imagined future in my mind – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize, and understand that there is NO hope for real – because hope is a feeling and reality doesn’t work – isn’t influenced – and isn’t moved by feelings but by practical action; as such I commit myself to let go of all hope and instead focus on practical solutions to as such make a difference for myself in my life instead of wasting away in the disease of hoped

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