Tag Archives: fear

Day 428: Changing Competition

I have now been back at work for a couple of weeks, and one point that has opened up, which has not been present during my vacation, is competition. I have noticed that I compete with my colleagues in many respects, and most of the the time I am competing for attention/recognition/praise from a superior.

This week I have actively challenged my tendency of becoming fearful/anxious/judgmental when I receive criticism by my superiors at work. Usually, I would react in fear, stress or anxiety, and then go into a judgment, and then try to improve that particular aspect of my work so as to not repeat the same mistake again. The way I have challenged this behavior is to, instead of looking at how to change/improve my professional skills to avoid criticism, I look at and push myself to find the core problem and issue within me that is responsible for me making that mistake in the first place.

An example would be how I made a mistake when writing a report at work. My superior came into my room and showed me that I had missed some information. I wanted to go into anxiety and self-judgment, however I stopped myself and instead decided to look at the core issue. What I found was that, at times, I will have this fine feeling/experience that I have missed something, that something is ‘off’, something is not as it should be. The mistake I have done in those moments is that I have brushed that feeling over by saying to myself: ‘No, no, I have done the necessary work, let’s just get done with this now’. Hence, in-fact forcing myself to move forward, when there is a part of me signalling that I am not completely finished. Hence, I made the commitment to start practicing listening to this fine part of myself that comes through at times, to take it seriously, and put more effort and time into investigating and proof-reading, when I ‘suspect’ that something is not as it should be.

What I could also see, as a core problem, was that I at times, too fast throw myself at a conclusion, because I want to get done with it, and because of that, I make unnecessary mistakes, when I could have avoided that mistake through a bit more of research, consideration and deliberation – in essence – CALMING myself down and daring to MOVE and DIRECT myself as SLOW as is needed. There is no meaning or sense in rushing something. However, it takes a commitment, it takes breathing, it takes being steady and stable, to move slowly and comfortably, to dare to use my time and invest it into the various projects in my life, and not haste, believing that I will be able to ‘do more’ if I haste.

Thus, instead of competing, I bring it back to myself. Instead of trying to beat others, I place my focus on challenging myself, and ‘beating’ myself – doing better than what I did in the past – and pushing myself to continuously create myself, and move forward, regardless of what it is that I am doing – there is always room for expansion and momentum. And instead of trying to achieve respect and attention from a superior – I make sure that I give these things to myself – earning my own respect through the way I live – and giving myself attention through literally – paying attention to myself and what I am going through.

 


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Day 424: Choosing Clothes

Today I noticed myself reacting to my partners clothes. She was on her way to the store when I noticed a couple of holes in her pants. I became anxious and told her that she should use a different pair of pants.

Afterwards I looked at the situation and why I had become anxious because of the condition of her pants. I could see that it was not really about her pants, instead it was about how other people would see my partner, and how that in turn would reflect back unto me. Subsequently, the fear was related to the fear of other peoples opinions, and that they would in some way, jeopardize my survival.

I have seen that my mother is very much the same way. She is very self-conscious and worried about what others think of her, even though, the thoughts and perceptions of others really does not have that much impact in her life. For example, she is keen on retaining a particular image of herself towards her neighbors, because else… Well, it is this latter part of the fear equation that does not make sense. Somehow the perceptions of others have been linked to survival, and the same fuzzy logic exists within me.

Where does this fear come from? I remember when I was younger and my parents, in particular my mother, stressed the importance of the clothes I wore. I was not allowed to wear soft pants, it had to be jeans, because ‘they look more respectable’. And the issue of clothes was mostly discussed from a starting point of fear and judgment. Its interesting, that I was never asked, for example: What clothes would support you as a being? What clothes would support you to express yourself and expand? What colors would open up your expression? What type of shoes would assist and support your body the most? Such considerations were non-existent – instead – clothes became about survival.

Thus, what I can see is that my survival is not dependent on the perception of my neighbors, and the people in the local store. I can walk to the store wearing clothes that I enjoy and feel comfortable in, and the same is true for my partner, without this compromising my standing in relation to survival. Though, at work, the way I dress and look is connected to my ability to earn money and survive, and hence, there it is relevant to be specific and exact in terms of the clothes I decide to wear. Even so, this does not justify me becoming fearful as to the opinions of others. Survival is practical, it has nothing to do with fear – and should simply be a point of logic – looking at what works and what does not – and then aligning myself according to the best possible way of movement.

Secondly, I see that its important for me to redefine my relationship with clothes, and to not accept and allow fears and anxieties to determine what clothes I wear, and how I see/look at the clothes of my partner or my child. The primary purpose of clothes is to support the human physical body and protect it from the various elements of this earth. Then, according to the context, clothes can have a variety of purposes, and hence, it is important to look at the context, look at what is here, before making decisions.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful, anxious and worried that the clothes of my partner will trigger other peoples reactions, and that they are going to think badly of my partner, and that this in turn will reflect badly on me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear and anxiety that these judgments might in some way make it difficult and hard for me to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my survival is dependent on the positive reactions of people in my environment – and that I need to be ‘liked’ to survive – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is an idea that I have created in my mind, and that it does not make sense, in-fact, because in reality, in the physical, my income, my survival, is not directly related to what other people thinks of me – rather – it is related to my skills, my intellect, my ability to handle myself, follow instructions, process information, and work together with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of others, what they think, how they see me, that they will judge me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make me inferior and less than, to hide myself in inferiority, to hide myself in isolation, to hold myself back, so that I will not become visible to others, and that I hence will not become judged – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not a solution, that it is not a valid way of handling myself and my movement in life, to hide away, to try to escape from the eyes of others, as this will not assist and support me to move and do what I require to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of what others think of me, and hold myself back, hide myself, shut myself down, censor myself, so that I will only portray and image outwardly that I am certain will be accepted by the people in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the opinions of others and judgment of others are directly related to my survival – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is more about context – more about where I am – and that in some contexts – the opinions and judgments of others means nothing at all – and hence I should not accept and allow myself to change and alter myself in such contexts in fear of what others think of me – but rather stand with myself and with what I know makes sense and is best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgments and opinions of others, and to fear for my own survival, and to hold myself back, and act according to my fears, in the belief that I will that way survive more effectively, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not the case, and that I am in-fact holding myself back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider my human physical body, my expression, my process, the context, and all other variables involves in selecting clothes, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider my fears, believing that my fears are real, believing that my fears are the most important point to consider, not seeing, realizing and understanding that there is so much more

Self-commitment statement

When and as I see myself becoming fearful and anxious that the clothes I wear will be judged by others, or that the clothes my partner wear will be judged by others, or that that I resist picking clothes for myself, because I fear what others will think, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I cannot accept and allow fear to decide what I will wear and what others will wear, because clothes is about so much more, and hence, judgments and opinions of others cannot be decisive factor – I will decide what I want to wear because it is best – and act the same with my partner and my child; and hence I commit myself to select clothes according to what is supportive for me and my physical body – and stand in the same way in relation to my partner and my child – the physical and what is supportive is what is relevant – not fear


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Day 410: Self-forgiveness On The Fear of Being Judged and Desire to Be Liked

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted by the mainstream consciousness, to fear being judged and pushed out from the mainstream consciousness, to fear being seen as strange, weird, unsociable and being disliked

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught in a conflict, where I on the one hand want to be like everyone else, I want to fit in, I want to be accepted, and on the other hand, I feel limited in that world, and I want to move, I want to expand, I want to push myself to go where I have not gone before, however, in order to do that, I must break social conventions, I must move myself outwards, I must embrace the courage to be different, and then actually live that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being different, and want to seek security and safety in being like everyone else, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about myself, to not see that I have a value, and that instead of seeking solace in others, I can stand as that point of solace within myself – where I hence push myself to be the stability in my life that I desire – to be the consistency in my life that I desire – to be the clarity in my life that I desire – to be the direction in my life that I desire – to be the purpose in my life that I desire

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for mainstream consciousness to give me permission to be me – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I will not ever receive that permission – I must give it to myself – I must give myself permission to live me – to be me – to express myself – and hence I cannot wait for mainstream consciousness to change – instead I must change and move myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear being judged by my neighbor – to fear being judged by those around me – to fear being judged by colleagues – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make these parts of my life more important and significant than myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the solution is the ‘force myself’ through the fears, through doing what I fear, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not, obviously the solution, as it will only create further separation, where I am not really dealing with the nature, the content of my fears, which is the real problem – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in order to really get through this inner conflict, I must deal with both polarities, both the positive of feeling like I mastered my fear, and the negative, of experiencing the fear, so that I can make a decision based upon common sense as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to have a purpose and direction that is one sided and through which I am able to draw attention to myself and my life – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a polarity of desiring to be famous and have a clear definition/purpose/place in the life of others – while at the same time existing in fear – petrifaction of being judged by others ad not having a clear and distinct purpose and point – but rather being pushed out from the lives of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to become a household name – to become famous in the eyes of others – to become recognized in the eyes of others – to become someone in the eyes of others that is seen as special – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to put me and my name out there for this reason – so that I can feel like I am doing something that others are able to see, recognize and commend me for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be driven by a desire to be someone – instead of driving myself from within and as the starting point of sharing myself to as such have a positive impact in the life of others in the sense of sharing a lifestyle – a life – principles and a way of living that is best for all and that can contribute in the life of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being someone – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act and make decisions in my life to get out there – to market myself and my name so that I can feel like I have an impact – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that my attention is in-fact not clearly focused – because the purpose of me and my life should not be to get my name out there – but rather to move and push points of support – to place support out there in the world in such a way that people are able to use it and apply it in their own lives – and how I do that – it is really not of any relevance in this case

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my desire to be famous and recognized override what is common sense – and as well override the purpose of why I share myself and my process – why I share my life – why I share who I am – which would be to assist and support others to expand and move themselves in their lives – to grow themselves – to become and stand as their full and complete potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become led astray by inner conflict of how I am perceived by others, what kind of stature I have in the eyes of others, instead of remaining clear on what I do, clear on who I am, clear on my purpose, which I see is the point that I must move myself from – that it is not about what I do – it is about who I am within what I do – it is about the purpose from within which I move and create myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain locked and diminished within and as a state and condition of fear of not being someone in the lives of others – and hence make decisions and move myself from within and as this fear – instead of remaining practical – remaining grounded – remaining physical – remaining HERE with and as my human physical body and understanding that I cannot really loose myself – and that it does not really matter whether I am known or not – it does not really matter what others think of me – what matters is that I in this life stand as part of the solution – bringing through a change in this world in WHO I AM – and then sharing myself within this so that others are able to do the same as what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place my focus – instead on assisting and supporting – to seeing where and how I am able to spend and utilize my time the most effectively to assist and support in creating a life and world that is best for all – and that does not necessarily need to be through my sharing myself on the web – having a blog – it does not necessarily need to be through becoming seen by others – it might just as well be in the unknown that I step forth and that I assist and support – it is a moment-to-moment point – where I must assess who I am and where I am – whether there is something that I can bring through that would assist and support others in their process and journey of self-creation

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into an inner conflict in relation to how I should move myself when it comes to sharing Desteni material, Eqafe interviews, my process with others, and I exist within that fear and anxiety of not being accepted, while still at the same time wanting and desiring fame, I take a breath, I stop myself, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I will not find a solution through going into my mind, into emotions, into feelings, that I will not see what is best for me or others by reacting, or fighting my reactions, and hence I commit myself to take a breath, stabilize myself, and then look at the point in clarity, to look at my purpose, to look at the entirety of my life, and assess within that starting point, how I can share myself, with the purpose of assisting and supporting others – and to find alternatives and other ways of sharing myself when I notice that it is not beneficial or supportive for me or others to share in a particular way

Day 402: Holding Back and Imprisoning Myself

In this blog post I am going to bring up a couple of interviews that was done recently on Eqafe – more specifically: Holding Back and Imprisoning My Life – Life Review and Holding Back and Imprisoning My Life – Life Review – Part 2.

What is discussed in these interviews is daring to take the step into the unknown, pushing oneself to not hold back, beyond one’s perceived self-image – and actually CREATING oneself. The woman in the interview did not dare to do so, and she shares why, and what others in similar positions as her can do to not make the same mistakes.

As far as taking this point back to my own life – what I see is that I can definitely push myself more intensely when it comes to taking charge of myself in situations, voicing myself, and sharing who I am, and how I see that a point can be approached. My general tendency would be to hold back, and not speak, and to allow what is going on. However – that has many times led to me making compromises – me agreeing with things that I see are not working – me doing things, participating in projects, following people and pursuing ideas, that I see are not worthwhile – because I do not dare to open up and bring my voice to the table. Thus – this is something that I will push and practice.


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Day 390: Not Enough Time For Process?

What I have been looking at recently is how to make sure that I am walking and moving myself in my process even though there is not as much time for writing and self-introspection as there used to be. I have found that writing is a superb technique for giving myself a moment to stop, to look, and to establish a direction for myself. However, it is not possible to do this the same way anymore, and hence revolution is required, a new paradigm must be shaped.

One way in which I have been able to incorporate process in my daily living is through applying self-forgiveness out loud every time I am driving by myself. Another way in which I have been able to do it is through applying self-forgiveness within myself each time I have a reaction. The next step as I see it, to support myself to make process even more so, a natural part of my life, by practicing the IMMEDIATE CORRECTION after I have applied self-forgiveness.

Thus far I have experimented with LIVING WORDS as a correction after I have applied self-forgiveness, which is challenging and expansive. After I have had a reaction and applied self-forgiveness, I look within myself to see whether there is a word I am able to embody that would assist and support me to change and align my inner experience. Today when I woke up, within me there was a undefined angst, I forgave the experience and looked within, and here I could see the word COMPLETION. Hence – I immediately went into application living the correction – COMPLETION – which I lived through being completely in my body – each part – being complete in myself – hence allowing myself to see, realize and understand that there is nothing more I need and require to chase and achieve – I am complete in my MYSELF here – and this chase and hunt to achieve something more – it is not real.

Hence – even though my life has changed – even though things are different – and there is less time – it does not have to mean that there is less process. Rather – this is an opportunity for myself to push and will myself to really make process part of my entire life – and not accept and allow myself to walk and apply process in but parts of my life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am able to apply and make process part of all my life – that only because I do not have time to write, or apply self-forgiveness out loud, it does not have to mean that I must hold back in my process of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to establish ways, methods, means of walking process HERE even though there is a time constraint – to see, realize and understand that this is a new challenge – where I will have to establish myself even though I cannot walk process the way I used to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that using the excuse that I cannot walk process because there is not enough time is not valid – because the only that is needed to walk process is me – and I am here in every breath – and thus I can push and will myself to make and have process be part of my everyday life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that process is WHO I AM – that it is thus something that I can walk regardless of circumstances – and hence I push and commit myself to walk process in every moment – to walk process in every breath – to make it part of my every step – and to practice living words as an immediate correction in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need things to complete me – that I need certain things to happen in the future to complete me – that I need a certain life to complete me – that I need a certain security to complete – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider and also to not live the word COMPLETION for and as myself – as something that I do to assist and support myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself waiting for process, or defining process as writing, or as applying self-forgiveness out loud, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that process is HERE – that process is my decision to walk and transcend my mind and change myself as who I am and birth myself as a trustworthy and life-supportive individual – that process is something that I can put into and have in my daily living as a constant point of consideration – where I push myself in every breath to apply and live words; hence I commit myself to each time I have a reaction – to take a moment to apply self-forgiveness – and then find a corrective word that I can live – and then live it

When and as I see that I am waiting to be completed by something outside of me, by a thing, or a person, or a activity, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I will never be able to find and achieve that completion by taking someone or something outside of me into my life – rather completion is a decision – it is WHO I AM – and it is lived in every moment – as a decision to stand COMPLETE – to stand FINISHED – to not be separated into thoughts and experiences – but stand as one in the moment and be fully here; and thus I commit myself to practice the word COMPLETE – through bringing everything here – bringing it all back to myself into the moment – into and as my human physical body – and grounding my presence and awareness HERE


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Day 384: Solving Fear With Structure

I have worked a lot with fear, anxiety and insecurity in relation to work and managed to stabilize myself in many dimensions/areas. However, what is cool, and also challenging about my work, is that I am continuously moving into more expansive positions of responsibility, which then opens up new experiences/dimensions of anxiety, fear and insecurity. I have realized that there are a couple of things that assists and supports me to remain stable at work. Firstly, structuring and planning my work thoroughly assists and supports me to remain stable. Secondly, preparing myself and devoting the time and effort required for me to be fully knowledgeable as to the point I am directing assists and supports me to remain stable. Though, recently with work, because I have been given new responsibilities, it has been more difficult to fall back on my previous tools.

There are primarily two things that builds this pressure within me. It is the fear of making a mistake, mishandling my responsibilities, and facing critique/anger from colleagues and others – and it is the feeling that there is too much, too many responsibilities, and too little time for me to effectively handle them. The latter of these pressure points is not only mind-based – it is a fact that I have little time – and to get to all my responsibilities – it is hence important that I am efficient, precise, prepared and structured – because that enables me to walk through it effectively. The former, the fear of mishandling my responsibilities, is however a mind point, in the sense that, it does not make sense to worry about critique/anger that I might potentially face from others, as it should not affect who I am anyway. Hence, it is these two points, and my relationship to these points that I want to work with. If I am able to stabilize these points – I know that I will be able to work and care for my responsibilities without going into pressure/anxiety/fear.

Thus during the past week I have worked with the word STRUCTURE. Initially I found this word empty and vague. Though, as I considered, looked at, and practiced implementing structure into my life, I came to see that structure is very much practical. Living the word structure is not the same as having routines – because routines does not necessarily have to be structured. In the word structured there is an element of prudence, sagacity and foresight. When something is structured, it is planned, it is considered, it is a plan develop with clarity and understanding. A routine on the other hand is simply something I do because I have done it other times. Structuring my life requires intelligence and self-movement.

I practiced structure through pushing myself to take one day each week, either at the beginning or the end, to plan the week ahead, using ‘to-do-lists’ and basic timetables. This then gave me the opportunity to slow down and look at my work and my home-life from a birds eye-view – which would allow me to prioritize, plan-ahead, consider, refine, and prepare myself for the week to come – so that nothing would come as a surprise. The results of this practice was that I remained grounded and stable throughout my week. When something unexpected came along, I dealt with that, however when that point was sorted out, I would return to the plan.

Another way which I would live structure was to already before I went to take my coffee break, decide on how long it was going to be. I did this because I have a tendency to otherwise, sit at the table, and wait until some of my colleagues leave, and then get up and back to work. However, when I do that, this is sometimes compromising, because I will loose time, that would have been better used working. This, similarly supported me to remain stable, to know what was coming, to know what I was doing, when I was doing it, and how I was doing it.

Hence, structure, a very interesting word, and I have come to see that it is in-fact practical, concrete and very much earthed. Living and integrating structure has however been quite challenging, because I have a tendency to ‘flow out’ into unstructured and spontaneous activity – and although I enjoy this form of expression at times – it is not very supportive to live like this all the time. In other words, it is always supportive to have a direction, though that should not limit me from improvising when it is needed, or I decide to do so, because it is something that I want to experience.

I will continue to experiment with the word structure in the week to come. Will be back with updates.

 


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Day 383: Projections and Imaginations

I find it easy to become distracted by material things. For a while I have becoming increasingly enthusiastic, and equally anxious about changing/altering/refining certain parts of my living quarters. From being an innocent hobby, it has escalated, and moved, and now, I am basically daily imagining and fantasizing about new projects. The problem is that it is done, usually, from a starting point of anxiety, from a starting point of lack, where I perceive that there is something amiss in my life at the moment, and that I desperately need to direct/change/alter the point in order to streamline my life. Hence, the problem is not the actual changes, alterations I want to make, the problem is WHO I AM. I see this experience as symptomatic – and fact is that I suspect it actually originates in a different part of my life – and that it then moves itself into for example the dimension of my life where I deal with hobbies.

Thus – the problem I would say – the actual deep rooted problem – is my habit of approaching things from within and as a starting point of lack/anxiety – because if I would have not done that – then the projects I see around my home would simply have been that – projects – that I might or might not get to one day that does not change WHO I AM in anyway what-so-ever. That is the point that I want to get to. Because I do not want to distract myself, and exist in this state of continuous fear/lack/anxiety that I am missing something, or that there is something I should be doing, that I am not doing. I will thus push myself to live the word abundance – to embrace the abundance that is all around me in my life in the form of the physical with all its various expressions – nature, breathing, sensations, physical relationships, I mean there is so much to be aware of and discover, that disappears when I accept and allow my mind to be cluttered by anxiety/fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on new projects in my mind, and then become stressed when I notice that I do not have the time to fulfill/walk them completely, and then become stressed and anxious, because I still try to walk and complete them – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this behavior – to not question why I feel that need and urge to continue walking and pushing myself to complete and fulfill a particular point even though I notice there is not enough time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with taking on and moving new points into and as a form of fulfillment and completion – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to make my environment, my life, and my world seem perfect, and then create, and form all of these projects in my mind that I perceive I have to get to and finish for my life, and world to become what I want it to become, instead of remaining stable, and questioning this way of approaching life, questioning, why the hell I get this experience within me, and why I feel there is such a shortage of time, and why I require, or feel the requirement, and need to push myself so severely, and harshly, to ‘get by’ and ‘make it’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with achieving perfection in my outside world and reality – not seeing, realizing and understanding how this is literally a distraction – something that captures the attention of my mind – a point that I get focused and hooked upon – where I then lose touch and connection with reality because all of myself – all of my mind – is caught up in this state and experience of wanting to achieve perfection – picture perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to achieve material perfection through altering and changing my life to make sure that all parts of it works – and is perfect – that there is no flow – no mistake – nothing in my life that in anyway gives away that there is a problem and difficulty in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this way of becoming obsessed with the material side of my world as a way to escape and distract myself from walking my inner process of self-change and movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand what this tendency is showing to me – is that I too serious within myself when it comes to material success in this world – and that I am accepting and allowing myself to be all too possessed with making sure that I acquire material success and notoriety – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – and smell the roses – to push myself to walk in the moment and not be so serious and determined to reach some kind of future that is not even here – to reach a future that I am not even able to at this moment clarify to myself exactly where it is that I am going and why

When and as I see myself going into a imagination, looking at, projecting myself into the future, from a starting point of lack/anxiety/fear – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching life is not realistic – it is based on a idea of lack and that I have to fight/move/push hard in order to stabilize my value and get to a point of equality – instead of embracing my equality HERE – embracing the abundance that is HERE – seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not need nor do I require to accept and allow myself to limit who I am according to what I am able to produce and build, create, in the external – and thus I commit myself to breathe – to let go of material possessions and the anxiety/fear related to these – and I commit myself to live abundance within and as every moment of breath – to use each moment to integrate and stand with and as my human physical body – and the abundance that is HERE

 


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