Tag Archives: feeling

Day 323: Redefining the word possession

In this blog I am going to work with redefining the word possession. I have decided to work with this word because since I moved to a farm, and within that started to take care of all the various houses, machines, stables, and tools that are here, I been feeling locked/trapped by all of these responsibilities. I have experienced myself as if my possessions possess me – and that my life is solely about making sure that all of these things around me work properly and are at their utmost potential. Hence, I have seen a need to clarify my relationship to things, and to make sure that I am not possessed by what is in my world, but that I possess/own/use what is in my world. To support myself in this process or redefining possession I have listened to the Eqafe interview ‘Possessed or Possessor? – Relationship Success Support’.

How I have l lived the word possession thus far

I have lived the word possession mostly with relation emotional/feeling experiences, as in being possessed by them, however, with regards to things and material possessions, this I have not experienced as a big or problematic. Usually I have not placed sentimental value on my home, or things that I own, and it has been easy for me, to without a feeling of loss, move to a new place. However, some things have been close to my heart, for example guitars I have purchased, technical equipment, and other similar stuff that I have saved up to, and then bought after a long period of desire. Those things I have felt responsible for and connected to in a different way. And when such things have gone missing, or been damaged, it has caused me to become upset and emotional.

In terms of the word possession, I have had a negative emotional connotation to this word, and seen it as a weakness of character. Apparently, to possess, or become possessed is bad – however as I look at it now I do see that possession does not have to be defined as either good or bad – and it can instead be seen for what it is – owning/controlling/having access to a particular gods.

Dictionary definition

1 [mass noun] the state of having, owning, or controlling something.
– Law visible power or control over something, as distinct from lawful ownership; holding or occupancy as distinct from ownership.
– informal the state of possessing an illegal drug: they’re charged with possession.
– (in soccer, rugby, and other ball games) temporary control of the ball by a player or team.
2 (usu. possessions) something that is owned or possessed.
• a territory or country controlled or governed by another: France’s former colonial possessions.
3 [ mass noun ] the state of being controlled by a demon or spirit: they said prayers to protect the people inside the hall from demonic possession.
– the state of being completely dominated by an idea or emotion: fear took possession of my soul.

Etymology

mid-14c., “act or fact of possessing, a taking possession, occupation,” also “thing possessed, that which is possessed,” from Old French possession “fact of having and holding; what is possessed;” also “demonic possession,” and directly from Latin possessionem (nominative possessio), noun of action from past participle stem of possidere “to possess” (see possess). Legal property sense is earliest; demonic sense first recorded 1580s. Phrase possession is nine (or eleven) points of the law is out of a supposed 10 (or 12). With eleven from 1640s; with nine from 1690s

Sounding of the word

Post-it-session
Position
Poor-session
Posse-easePus-session
Post-station

Creative writing

Possession is a form of position. The word indicates my position in relation to something else. For example, if I possess a car, then I have a certain position in relation to that car – a position of ownership – which means that I exact a form of control over that object. However, in another sense, it is not possible for me to own anything, because all things will stay behind as I die. Further, even though I might loose everything I have, the things I have owned still exists within me, as the stories, experiences, realizations and processes that I have walked. Everything exists equally within me as without. Hence, possession takes place HERE in my immediate environment, with the things I can touch and see. Other things, that are not in my immediate environment, they are not things I possess, as I do not exact control over them.

The word possession thus, defined practically, would simply entail having a thing in my immediate presence that I exact some form of control over and can manipulate as I please; it clarifies my position in relation to something else in a moment, wherein my position is that of controlling the object.

Redefinition

Controlling an object that is in my immediate presence

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Day 290: All-one or Lonely?

On a recurring basis I have an experience of feeling very lonely, misunderstood, and diminished, and this in relation to friends, acquaintances and other relatives. The core of the experience is that I think/believe that I do not fit in, and that I have done or said something wrong, which makes me lonely, and everyone else, a part of the family and social experience. Today I am going to look more closely at this experience.

The first thing I noticed as I brought this experience up within me is that it is a emotion (negative), and hence, there must be a feeling (positive) that I am also participating in. Fascinatingly enough, the positive side of this equation has not bothered me, because it feels good to be included, loved, and accepted. What I have not considered in those moments though is that to feel included, loved and accepted, I must also have, and participate in the other polarity, as no energetic polarity can exist with and by itself.

Hence, the first question, when have I throughout my last week felt included, loved and accepted? Well, I see that this happened as I communicated with a friend of mine, and after the talk, which I felt went really good, it was a deep, and intimate, I felt included, and accepted, as if I was an important part of my friends life. Then, some days later, as I was sitting with my friends again, they were all talking with each other, yet I had nothing to say, and so I sat back and observed them. I did not feel invited and tended to by them, and afterwards I started to feel lonely, misunderstood, and rejected. And there is the polarity.

Now, what is the core issue here? What is there core point that I am missing, and the word that is required to be redefined? From what I can see, one word that I require to redefine is Friendship – because that is basically were a lot of these experiences, both negative, and positive, arise from. The problem is that the word friendship is currently this positively charged word, which I have seen as the origin of such points as acceptance, and value – and hence because I have polarized the relationship with the word friendship it creates various energetic conflicts within me.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for friendship, closeness, intimacy, and value in others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as these words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a role in the lives of others, where I feel that I am a part of something, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/define myself as being a part of life – as life – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not have to struggle, fight, and force myself in this life to be accepted – but that I can accept myself and stand as a part of life as life itself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize the word relationship, and friendship, to exist within and as a positive polarity of feeling included, and a part of something, and a negative, of feeling lonely, pushed away and excluded – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself through living this word from within and as emotion and feelings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for intimacy, comfort and closeness with others, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the most important relationship in my life in which I require and have to establish intimacy, openness and comfort, which is with my own relationship with myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the word relationship and friendship as parts of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a drive to be accepted and to feel comfortable, a part of, and close to others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in pushing myself to exist in such a state, I am compromising and loosing myself, because I am not standing stable and firm within my purpose and direction in this life, and here I see that it is obvious that my purpose and direction in life is not to be accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my integrity and my principles to be accepted by others – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view it as a superior success and completion when somebody seems to like me and they confer with me some of their bullshit – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself to have that in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to live the courage of walking my life with integrity and standing by my principles – where for example – I do not accept and allow myself to talk badly about others in order to be accepted – and I do not accept and allow myself to gossip or participate in gossip to feel included and accepted by a group of people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is easy to loose sight of what is important when in the world system, when in relationships, such as job relationships, and thus I commit myself to at all times keep an overview of things, keep a perspective, to see that my job and the relationships there are very specific in my life, and are not there to give me a feeling of closeness and intimacy, and that I am doing my work to survive, and pushing myself to be specific and walk my job description as effectively as possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow relationships to become my priority, then I loose perspective, then I loose sight on what is important, on what is relevant, and on my perspective on life – and thus I commit myself to stand with my perspective – seeing that I am walking this life to create what is best for all – to walk and create a purpose that I see is best for all – and in that I will stand with my integrity and principles – and I will not accept and allow myself to compromise myself to be liked and feel a part of something – as I will instead push myself to be effective, specific and disciplined in walking the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I am going to live my life to be accepted by others and feel a part of the lives of others – then I am going to miss my life – I am going to miss myself – and I am going to become unfocused and loose my direction – as I am constantly looking at others – how others are moving – how others are thinking – what others are saying and not saying – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself – place the focus on ME – on where I am going – on what I am doing – and thus not accept and allow myself to loose myself and my direction through becoming all concerned with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the positive experiences of feeling included, feeling a part of something, feeling liked, and embraced, when I am participating with other people, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I am participating in the positive, I am also creating the negative, thus creating the state of being of feeling excluded, inferior, pushed away and rejected – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to walk my life in stability – and fully express my potential – I must and require to stand alone – stand by myself – and not have this weakness in my of looking to others for safety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look in others for feeling safe and comfortable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realizing and understand that I can stand as that point myself – and that I do not need and require someone else to be my safety and comfort – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself to have another like – so that I can feel they are my safety and comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can develop that strength in me to be able to stand through all situations and stand alone – stand without anyone having my back – standing in this life – in this system – strong and stable – and not accepting and allowing anything to get to me – as I remain within and as breath and remain clear in my direction, my principles and my integrity – and remember/have an overview – as to why I am here and what I am doing in this lifetime

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a state of feeling positive, included, liked, and embraced, as I am participating with others, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I am participating in the positive, I am equally creating the negative, thus, I am creating emotions for myself that I will have to walk through at a later stage – and thus I see, realize and understand that in order to fully stand stable in my life – I cannot accept and allow myself to remain within a positive state of feeling – thus I commit myself to participate with others in my life from a starting point and experience of stability – of silence – of standing with and as my human physical body here as breath

When and as I see myself going into a state of negativity, as feel rejected, pushed away and lonely, when or after I have participated with others, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching relationships is not effective, as I am making my life about others, and being/feeling included, not about me walking this life, and standing with the purpose that I have given to myself, and what I want to build/create with and as my life – and thus I commit myself to stabilize myself – to remind myself of what is important – to keep my perspective and stand with my purpose as to what I am going to do in this life – so as to not loose myself in irrelevancies

Day 284: Dreams as a Gateway to the Unconscious

Yesterday I received some great news. There was a position opening up for me in my hometown, which means that my days of commuting might be over, for now… I am still though facing the one last challenge. I have to quit my current position and apply for the new position, and then get admitted into the new position in competition with other applicants. Hence, a moment of insecurity, and a moment of ‘breaking’ the ‘trust’ of my former employee – as my current employment is supposed to last for some years, I will however be leaving after only some months. This brought up some fears within me, and my cautious nature urged me to ‘not take any chances’ – while my ‘I have had enough of commuting’-nature urged me to immediately turn in my letter of resignation and go for it.

Anyway, I went to bed as per usual, and had one of my rare dreams. In my dream I had committed some form of felony, murder I think, and the police was onto me, and I was terrified of getting caught. I pictured before me (in my dream) how my life would come to an end, how all the dreams and imaginations I had conjured in my mind would come crashing down, how my career would fall into the abyss of nothingness, and that I would be left with nothing. As I woke up I could see that this dream effectively depicted the deeper fears moving in my mind with regards to making the decision of changing employer.

From my dream I can see that my fears involve an aspect of ‘getting caught’ and ‘being punished’ for ‘breaking the rules’ – the rules here being the terms of contract with the employer. And in breaking that contract (which I actually do not, seen from a legal perspective) I would then put my career at risk, and potentially then my future, and my survival in this world. Thus, what this fear shows me is that I have given my trust to the system, to my employer, and that my relationship with survival/money is based on me wanting others to assure me a steady inflow of money – and in this case – others would be my employer.

It also shows me a lack of self-trust. Because, fact is that I have a great CV, and that there is an insignificant risk that I might not receive the job in my hometown – and even if I would not receive the job – it is not like I am all out of opportunities. In-fact, there are many directions open for me, and what more stands in my way, are my own issues with confidence and trust – where I do not see that I can actually deal with, and direct my life, and make sure that things work out properly, even if things do not go according to my preconceived plan.

What I see that I must work with is thus self-trust issues, and fears of my survival falling to pieces, and to replace that fear of survival with self-trust, with self-confidence, with self-reliance and a stability, a knowing, that regardless of what is going to come into my life, I will deal with it, I will find solutions, and I will not give up. I will push myself forward and walk to the utmost of my ability, pushing through fears, and anxieties, and creating the life that I see is best for me, that I see is best for all, and not accepting and allowing myself to be satisfied with a mediocre life, but instead pushing for, and creating a extraordinary life.

Fear is quite cool, because it shows me where it is that I am not yet trusting myself, and where it is that I am willing to compromise myself, who I am, my integrity, my decisions, plans, and what is best for me, to feel secure/safe about my survival. It shows me where it is that I am still accepting and allowing myself to exist in a mindset of trying to avoid failure, instead of creating the success I want to have. It shows me where and how I am still  accepting less from myself and my life than what I am capable of creating for and as myself. Fear is the symptom of me not pushing myself to remain standing in every breath, with my body, and place my focus and attention on SELF-CREATION – and hence not on – self-survival.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not going to be able to retain my security and safety with regards to money if I quite my job and look for a new one – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear defaulting on my debts, to fear loosing my house, to fear loosing my opportunity to survive in this world, and instead falling down into a whole of debt and suffering from which I cannot stand up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my security and safety, as my access to money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust money to give me my security, and my sense of feeling safe and secure, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that it is money that creates my stability, and that without money in my life, I cannot, and I do not have stability – and thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to practice stability – to practice standing and remaining the same within me regardless if I have access to money or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my stability, and my future, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be willing to compromise what is best for me, to compromise creating a extraordinary and effective future for myself, only so that I can feel safe, and secure with my decisions, and with my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice standing in stability even though I am in a pressured situation – and in a pressured environment as so far that my access to money is not stable and secure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that access to money in this world, and in this life, cannot ever be secure, and safe, that there is no such security and safety, as this world is in its very foundation flawed, and thus there is at all times a risk for everything to fall, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is a risk I must learn to stand with – to deal with and to direct – to understand that all decisions hold within them the potential of failure – yet sometimes – it is absolutely worth it to take the risk – to push forward – when the rewards that stand to be won are worth it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst case scenario, the worst case scenario being, that I will not get admitted into any of my desired employment options, and that I will stand without a job, and without income, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that this is going to happen to me, to fear that in such a scenario, I am not going to know what to do, and how to deal with my life, and how to continue to push forward, and do something with myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in the worst case scenario, I do still have opportunities that I can push for, to assure an income for myself, and I can find ways on the side, to make sure that I still push myself forward in relation to my career and where I see that I want to go in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst possible outcome, and fear that in such a situation, I am going to loose time, I am going to loose my standing in the legal community, and I am not going to be able to create anything with my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that if such a point do occur, that I will still be able to find a way out, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to not see, realize and understand that it will not get that bad – and also – that losing time is a very, very subjective assertion – and that in-fact – I am the primary decision maker as to whether the time I have on my hand is used effectively, and practically, or whether it is thrown away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust, to place stability, to place security in relation to having a career, to having a job, and being accepted at my job, and excelling at my job, and within that being complemented, and liked by my colleagues, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that career, the words I have placed into this concept, are words that I can live, stand, and walk within my life, as myself, and thus nothing that I actually need to have a career for, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assert myself within the words of direction, and security, as knowing where I am going and with a secure stability heading in that direction, not accepting and allowing myself to be swayed and shifted – but remaining with my practical physical reality and moving into the direction that I have established for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself a career, as a purpose and a direction in my daily living, as a security, in me knowing where I am heading, knowing what I am going to create and build for myself, and knowing what I am going to do with my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I cannot build this stability on a career – because a career can shift and go into highs and lows – and if I accept and allow myself to base my security and stability on a career – then I am not effectively aligned here with and as what is real – the stability of the physical that is always consistent regardless of the movement of money in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind when it comes to making decisions in relation to the future, through trusting fear, and believing the decisions made in fear are more safe than decisions made within and as stability – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making decisions that I am stable within – in fear that they might be to risky – and that there might develop to many repercussions that will affect my future and my life – and make things shaky – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making my life shaky and unstable when it comes to money and financial security – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus only want to make safe decisions that I feel there is no fear connected to – because then I have apparently made a good and secure decisions that will lead to predictable outcomes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as a predictable outcome on this earth at this moment – simply because the way money moves and the way the system is created – is so ineffective and based on the flimsiness of the mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how any feeling of security and trust in tomorrow is in-fact self-dishonesty, as there is no such security in this world to be found in this day and age

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear, and anxiety, and imagining the worst possible outcome of making a decision that involves money, and employment, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that with all decisions there is a risk – there is a potential that things might go wrong – and that things might not work out – however – that is not something that I can use to build my life with – and instead I realize that I must come to terms with these risks and push for the decisions that create my life to be the best that it can be – and thus I commit myself to bring up the worst possible outcome within me – and define solution within me if that outcome were to play out – and look at what decision is the most challenging – what decision is the best for me to walk that will be support me in my life and what I want to do in this lifetime

When and as I see myself going into fear, and anxiety towards a decision, because there is a risk that I will loose my employment, and in that my feeling, and sense of security, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that that the sense of security that comes with employment is in-fact false, that a security cannot be based on a job, and on money, but is in-fact related to ME and how I SEE-CURES – my ability to SEE SOLUTIONS and work with what is here – and not accept and allow myself to give up and give in when things get tough; and thus I commit myself to place my trust and security in myself – and develop my ability to remain stable under pressure and look for and apply solutions

When and as I see myself worrying that I am going to destroy my legal career, and make others angry and dissatisfied with me because of how I have approached my employment, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this fear is holding me back, and limiting, that the moment I get attached to and accept and allowed something external to define me, through fear of loss, then I am creating limitations for and as myself, and making my life, my future, and who I am smaller, and thus I commit myself to push ahead, to push through my fear of loss, to realize that fear of loss only exists because I have defined words in relation to my external environment instead of seeing, realizing and understand that I can live and stand with and as this words as a decision, and as a movement that comes from within and that I express out to others

Day 258: Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance

In my past blogs in the Creating Movement Series I have gone into my own history with laziness, and also looked at some of the causes behind this particular mind construct. In this blog I will start to go through the practical solutions that I applied to walk through and direct laziness, and transform it into motivation, discipline and steadfastness. From my own experience, in order to change laziness, one of the most important points to get to grips with, and become comfortable with directing is resistance – because when you decide to change laziness into something more productive – you will face resistance and lots of it.

The usual and learned response to resistance is to simply back off – if we resist something it means bad news, discomfort, and pain. This is unfortunate, because as a matter of fact, any form of change is nearly always accompanied with resistance. In-fact this resistance can be seen in nature, as a natural law, when a object is in motion, and you try to stop it, and move it in another direction, you will experience that physical force fighting with you, until you stop it, and then move it in the direction that you want it. All motion has a force to it, and when we try to change it, there will be a period of discomfort – the same goes with changing laziness into motivation, self-discipline, and steadfastness.

Thus, the first point to master is resistance. And in the beginning of my process of changing laziness I experienced immense amounts of resistance the moment I stood before an opportunity to act, or I faced a responsibility that I had to tend to. There was not a single cell in my body that wanted to move forward, and with each step that I took, my body felt heavier, and heavier. It felt as if the only right thing to do was to go back to the sofa or bed, to simply not change this laziness, because the thought emerged: How can I ever push through this resistance, how can I ever become effective, and productive, when this heavy experience is following me with every step that I take?

Resistance however, even though it might feel intolerable, and create the illusion that it is impossible to go any further, will pass; it will lessen, and eventually disappear. This is due to the nature of resistance, because in essence resistance is energy – and no energy has a substance and solidity that can be compared with that of the human physical body. Thus physical self-directed movement will always come out on top of the resistance, though to reach that transcendence – you will have to walk through the moment when it feels impossible. The fascinating thing is that when you push through that experience of ‘it is impossible – I can not go on any more!’ – you will see that it is only a thought, only a illusion conjured by the mind, and that it is in-fact possible to move forward, to move ahead, even though it feels impossible.

So, when the resistance comes up, it helps a lot to have this understanding, that eventually the resistance will settle, and then you will be able to do what you set out to do without any experience hindering your progress. It is so fascinating to look back at my past, and see how much it was that I resisted: I resisted cleaning, resisted writing, resisted school, resisted reading, resisted exercise, resisted being social, etc. Today, there is none, or very slight resistance towards these things – why? Because I consistently pushed myself through the resistance, I consistently reprogrammed myself, and decided for myself that resistance is not going to hold me back – I will push through it when it comes up – and thus resistance lost its meaning and purpose – there is no room for resistance anymore because I have replaced it with words/expressions that are beneficial for myself, and others – such as motivation, self-discipline, and steadfastness.

As such – we are all able to push through resistance. Though, it does take practice, and I myself have fallen many times, given up, given in, went to bed, slept over, because I felt overpowered by the resistance. And here is another thing to remember, that it does not help to be hard on yourself when you fall, rather, stand up again, look at why the fall occurred – and move forward. Eventually you will not fall anymore, though there is a process to be walked until one is able to get to that point where the trust exists within self that each time resistance comes up – I will push through.

In my next blog I will walk through the Practical Solutions that I have found for handling and directing resistance.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Day 245: Extending The Family Unit

If we take a look at the base programming in human beings, one deep and very much influential pattern is the characters we create and live out in relation to the family. The average human being exists within and as the understanding that the family means more than ‘strangers’ – and that it’s okay to love your family members more than someone you’ve just met, or someone that you’ve never met, that is suffering in poverty on the other side of the world. We tend to justify this line of thinking with the fuzzy logic that family is more important. Though, when we ask the question: Why is our family more important than anyone else? It’s difficult to find an answer that can stand.

familyEvery answer we produce to this question will be based on either feelings or emotions, because it’s only through valuing the physical on the basis of subjective experiences that we can create an idea that some parts of this physical reality and its inhabitants are more important than others. Though, when we look at what is here, without energy, it’s easy to see that all physical matter is equal – that suffering is suffering regardless of who it hits – that not only some but ALL deserve to live a life of dignity.

See, we might believe that our feelings are true, that only because we experience a feeling of love towards someone in our life, that this means that the person in question is more important than someone we don’t experience that feeling towards – YET – isn’t it true that we all consist of the same flesh and blood? That we all do require nurturing, and support to develop and grow as human beings? That we all have the same basic needs? That we intuitively can see, feel, and understand the discomforts and pains of others?

We have an important question to ask ourselves, and that is how did we create this world of suffering, where starvation has actually been accepted as a reality, and where children are seen as lucky to grow up in a supportive and nourishing environment? The point is hidden in plain sight – we have created this world through our value systems, where we give to some, find some worthy of our support, and others we simply reject. Let’s ask ourselves, and answer this question honestly: Is this how we would like another to treat us? Because if it isn’t, then why would we do this to another?

Unfortunately we are programmed since a young age to value and move ourselves in the world on the basis of love, on the basis of a feeling, on the basis of us seeing ourselves, and our lives as more important than the lives of others – and this has created major consequences in this world. Though, we are able to stop this, and change this world on a personal level – we’re able to step up and take responsibility and extend our family unit – and see that our real family is actually this entire physical world and reality – that no one is excluded, and that we’re only able to exclude things through a process of deceit, which we create in our minds, and that comes through as thoughts.

What is really the purpose of being on earth if we’re only going to extend ourselves to some few selected individuals, and attempt to fight, avoid, and push away everyone else? Why hold unto a feeling of love, when real love, which is the living application of caring for all, is so substantial and fulfilling? It makes no sense to hold unto our confined mind realities, we are missing out on so much – we do have the potential to create a life, and a world that is truly magnificent – and all that is required – is that we live the courage to care for all, and not only for ourselves.

I am one vote for world equality, where do you stand?

Day 179: You Hurt Me

Yesterday I had an overwhelming experience of hurt come up within me. It arose within as I was speaking with another, and was triggered as this other utilized a specific sound that I perceived as irritated as well as complaining – and the content of the words was that of how there was a point in my life that I didn’t direct sufficiently effective and that I accordingly must change.

So, what came up within me was hurt and sadness – and the reasoning and purpose of the experience was that I was now hurt, and it was this other person’s fault, and that I will use this hurt, and sadness experience to show to this other person just how hurt, and sad I’ve become, and how it’s their fault; thus – a form of manipulation.

It’s interesting that this is a game that I often played with my motherhere I used feeling hurt, and sad as weapons in order to have my mother feel guilty for something I perceived she’d done or said to me. The same pattern is playing out now, I feel hurt, and I justify this feeling as being real and then use it in order to make the other person guilty and to get what I want.

Obviously the big problem here is that I don’t control or direct this pattern at all, it just come up within me, and then the entire circus starts – thus I see that require to open up this feeling hurt and look at specifically what it consists out of – how come it is that I have such an easy time to get and feel hurt? How come I accept and allow things to get to me in such a way that I feel like I’ve been completely devastated and destroyed by another person – these are points that I must direct and not anymore accept and allow within and as myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a hurt experience be triggered when and as someone speaks to me in what I perceive to be a criticizing, harsh, complaining, and irritated tone, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I’ve been made to be inferior and less than the other person, and that I’ve now lost a part of myself, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret and define this voice and tonality in my mind as me being under attack – as me being exposed and placed to be shoot at in the middle of a field – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the voice, and the sound in itself is not what is causing this experience of feel hurt, devastated and sad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as this experience of feeling hurt, devastated and sad, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this experience is based on memories of my past, wherein I felt that my mother didn’t take me into account and treat me beneficially – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto such hurt-moments in my mind, and use them as ways to get back into that position within myself wherein I feel that I’ve been very much set aside, and that my life has not been taken into account as I’ve desired – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto hurt, sadness, and feeling unjustly treated in my mind, and continue to bring these memories up in my mind, and in my daily living, through reacting and living out this pattern of feeling hurt, and sad, and attacked – again, and again and again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately as this hurt and sadness experience arise from within me, go into blame and think that another is at fault for how I experience myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the simple fact, that obviously another is not at fault for my experience of myself, and obviously what I experience is a part of myself that I’ve not yet dealt with, and directed effectively, and thus it comes up within me because it requires attention, and direction, and it requires to be moved – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not as this experience of hurt and sadness comes up within me, to stabilize myself in my body, and to realize that thus experience is not about anyone else, and that no one has caused it, or created it within me but me – and that it’s here and have arisen within me in order for me to take responsibility for and direct the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I am limiting and holding myself back in my mind through accepting and allowing myself to make this hurt experience personal, instead of realizing that it’s not personal, that it’s in-fact but energy arising within, in-fact but an experience coming up from within, and it has nothing to do with personally per se – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not as this experience comes up from within me chest region – to stabilize myself within and as my human physical body – and accept and allow myself to unconditionally let of the hurt and the sadness – realizing that it’s nothing personal – it’s nothing bad – it’s but energy arising in my chest and solar plexus area that I require and need to let go and release from within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hurt, feel devastated and atrociously handled, when and as another utilize a voice that is harsh, sharp, and what I perceive to be, criticizing, and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to immediately and without hesitation take such a voice personally, and define myself according to such a voice, and to think that I am reacting because of that voice, instead of seeing, realizing and understand that I am reacting because various experiences arise in my body, that have their origin in memories, and thus it’s nothing personal – it’s nothing about the other individual – it’s nothing that I require to make anything more than what it is – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not simply realize that I am dealing with a memory – and thus I require to be the directive principle in accepting and allowing myself to let go of and release this memory – and not anymore accept and allow myself and my life to be bound by and limited within and through this memory

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a memory from my past of my mother telling me sharply how she was dissatisfied with me, and how she felt that she couldn’t trust me, because I wasn’t behaving very well with others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto that memory, of in the moment when my mother told me this, feel hurt, devastated, and as if my mother didn’t understand me, and didn’t see the situation from my perspective, and didn’t see where I was coming from, but merely approached me, and what I’d done as being wrong, and as something that must immediately be punished and removed – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am in holding unto seeing situations from within and as this memory, limiting myself from standing up, from living and from expressing myself, and directing myself in conflict situations without taking them personally, and without making them anything more or less than what they are being conflict situations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as my mother brought up and showed me the points she weren’t satisfied with, and did this in a angry, criticizing, harsh, and ferocious tone, to immediately take it personally, and feel that I’d done something terribly wrong, and as well on top of that feel, that my mother didn’t consider me as I would like to be considered, because I felt as if she left out some essential points in regards to what had happened, and that because of this I wasn’t considered, or treated in accordance to what was right and fair, but I was instead being brutalized on the basis of conjectures that I didn’t feel were right or correct; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep, and hold unto this memory within me, and in particular the hurt, and sadness experience from within this memory – and think that this hurt and sadness experience that came up was real – and that it was correct of me to attempt and try to defend and protect myself through going into a state of victimization – and then trying to get at my mother that way – through making my mother feel inferior, sad and less than

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I can give myself the gift of releasing this hurt, and sadness, and feeling of being devastated, and that I don’t anymore require to blame another, to hold unto feeling, and experience myself inferior, and if something utterly distasteful and repellent have done unto me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to let go of blame, and to realize that this hurt is me, and that this hurt in itself is nothing bad, nothing wrong, nothing to be fought, nothing to be strangled and suppressed – in-fact this hurt is here in my life in order to be understood and directed and moved – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I’ve experienced myself as hurt in the past – in my childhood – because that was the only way I could deal with my life at that point – though now I have the tools to direct myself and stabilize myself – and instead of reacting – creating stable solutions for myself and my life – and developing common sense so that I can stand by and move through my life without being moved or reacting in emotional or feeling-based experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it was nothing personal as my mother became angry and frustrated at me, and spoke to me in a tone of voice that I perceived to be harsh, and degrading, and making me to be inferior, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this voice personally, and see it as a personal attack towards me, and as something that I’d to defend myself against, else it would swallow me, and devour me whole, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it was merely a voice tonality, merely a energy, and obviously something that my mother went into and experienced that had nothing to do with me per se, but was her own mind that played a trick on her, and because my mother didn’t have any effective tools to deal with these type of things, she went into the emotion and exerted it unto her environment, which at that stage in time happened to be me

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to not take voice tonalities that I perceive to be harsh, criticizing, and attacking, personally, and I commit myself to breathe and stabilize myself HERE within and as my human physical body – within and as breath – within and as being HERE in the physical and not somewhere lost in my mind

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that taking it personally is a decision that I make – and thus I commit myself to support myself to not take these forms of tonalities with accompanying words personally – but realize that they are about the other person and not about me – they are not an attack towards me and thus not something that I require to defend or protect myself against – and thus I commit myself to take a breath and bring myself back to and as my human physical body – and stabilize myself HERE and continue to move myself – and continue to participate in my day and not make it anything more than a tonality

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that a hurt experience is nothing more or less but a hurt experience – it’s not something that I must protect and defend myself against – it’s not something that I must suppress – it’s in-fact merely energy coming up within me that is here for me to direct and move – and thus I commit myself to move and direct these energies through applying self-forgiveness, breathing and writing, and placing in its stead directive commitment statements for how I want to live from now on

Day 155: Fitting In

Today I faced a point in my world in regards to desire I’ve created within myself to fit in and be liked, and the context was the following: So, there is a person A in my world – now – I’ve noticed that person A seem to like some other persons more than what he likes me. When I’ve noticed this, I have come up within me, a reaction of sadness, despair, as well as blame, because apparently its persons A fault that I feel the way I feel, because he should like me equally as much as he likes these other persons.

Looking at the point in common sense, it’s obviously very ineffective to walk around in life, wanting to be liked by people, and also, defining myself according to whether I perceive myself as being liked, or disliked by others, because it creates the consequences, that I am like a bouncer – where I either bounce upwards, because I believe someone likes me, or I crash down, because I believe someone dislikes me – making me ineffective at that which is important in my life = caring and tending to my commitments and responsibilities, and walking my self-process, where the focus is me and who I am, and not on what others do or don’t do. Further, its impossible to make sure that anyone likes me, and thus its nonsensical to accept and allow my self-experience to be dependent upon such a uncertain and insubstantial point – much better that I instead remain the same – remain stable regard less of whether I am liked or disliked.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to whether I perceive that another dislike, or like me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad, and experience despair, and inferiority, when and as I perceive that another person in my life doesn’t like me, or likes me less than what he or she likes another – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the point of whether I am liked or disliked, of whether I have friends or I don’t have friends, of whether I am involved in a group or I am not involved in a group, instead of pushing myself to remain stable regardless of whether someone likes or dislikes me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want harmonious relationships in my life, where I am certain that everybody likes me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise, suppress and change myself around others, to make sure that they like me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a irrational fear of being disliked, and excommunicated from a group, in believing that my value is dependent upon whether I am invited and received by another as a friend, and as a positive point in another human beings life and world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I suspect that another dislikes me, to immediately go into and as sadness, and despair, and believe that another dislikes me, because there is something wrong with me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the natural, and normal state of things, should be that everyone likes me, that everyone experience me as a positive, and upbeat life force in their world, and that they want to have me around them, because they feel happy around me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value, and worth around the point of whether others are happy around me or not – instead of defining my value according to who I am, according to my self-application, and according to my own decision as to who I am in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for not liking me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that another is pulling me down in a emotional turmoil, because he, or she doesn’t like me, or appreciate me sufficiently, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that its not in-fact about the other, but its about my relationship with myself, and that this other person assists and supports me to reveal, and expose a certain dimension of my relationship with myself that I haven’t yet looked at and investigated specifically and effectively – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the blame, and instead be grateful that this other person assists and supports me in revealing certain self-compromising dimensions that exists within me that I haven’t yet dealt with and directed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think in my mind that my relationship with another is destroyed, and isn’t working, because the other person seemingly doesn’t like me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my relationship with another isn’t defined according to how another experience themselves, but is something that I define and create within myself, as I decide who I am, and as I decide what I will accept and allow, and what I will not accept and allow within me towards another – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my focus be upon how this person experience himself, instead of looking at how I exist within and as myself, and what I am able to do to bring this point into and as a solution for myself – and let go of my reactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my reactions with thinking that we simply don’t fit together, that we simply don’t agree with one another, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how in-fact, this is a self-compromise, that its not about the other person, but that its about what I accept and allow, and what I will not accept and allow within me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not define the context of this relationship, and place myself towards this other person specifically, in defining the purpose and direction of the relationship, and as such making sure that I know who I am in relation to the other point so that there exists no conflict within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I meet new people, to define and specifically direct the relationship within me, to specify what the relationship is, and who I am towards the relationship, why the relationship is in my world, and thus how I am in relationship to that particular person – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself go into conflict within myself, because I want all the relationships in my world to be that of friendships, of feeling pleasurable, and nice, and me within that feeling liked, instead of realizing that there are other forms of relationships in this world that doesn’t have this context, and where I require to align myself to the point from within and as a starting point that is in alignment with why the relationship exists in my world to begin with

Self-commitments

I commit myself to align my relationship to person A to be in relation to the context as to why the relationship is in my world, and to not expect, or want anything more out of it, than what the relationship is on a physical level – and thus I commit myself to let go of any hopes, and expectations of being liked, or loved, and instead keep it professional, and direct it according to what I see is best for the both of us in relation to where we are in our life’s

I commit myself to breathe through the reactions of despair, inferiority, and sadness, and instead align myself with my human physical body, and make the relationship with person A supportive in relation to the context as to why we have each-other in our worlds – and why we’ve meet – and as such not try to make something that it isn’t – or hope that it should be something different than what it is – I remain with what real – and what is here