Tag Archives: find

Day 411: Creating My Own Path

I recently watched a Netflix original series called ‘GLOW’, where one of the characters, a disillusioned and uncomfortably direct and simultaneously honest movie director, explains to one of his actresses, that is supposed to play the ‘bad guy’ in his movie, that there is great power in learning how to not give a fuck about being hated/disliked by others. This line struck a chord with me an hence I want to expand on it in this blog.

From what I have come understand, of both of myself and others, is that our average/normal way of going about life, is that we want to be loved by others, and act accordingly, which is achieved mostly by trying to please others. There are a few people that gets off by doing the opposite, they want to feel hated and disliked, because that makes them feel empowered. Obviously, none of these polarities are a solution, and does not assist and support with growth and mutual self-expansion. If we move around in our life’s trying to be loved by others, well, in some way or another, that will always lead us to compromise and change ourselves to fit in and try to be the way we believe others wants us to be. If we go around deliberately instigating conflicts, and trying to make others dislike others, well, then we are as well changing ourselves to have others respond to us in a particular – we will still be a slave. The base problem in both scenarios is that we define and live according to the response/stimuli that we get from others – and that is what we need to move away from.

A consequence of only acting/living according to what we believe others want, or do not want us to be/do, is that we do not get to know ourselves. Instead we are moved by fickle and ephemeral experiences, change our direction on a whim, what is popular and what is not popular, what is desirable and what is not desirable (generally speaking), we move there – without really understanding why, or having looked at whether it would be best for us or not. It is a form of herd-mentality – and obviously it is a lot easier to just go with the flow. Then we do not have to look within, consider, assess, ponder, and asks ourselves; Okay, but WHO AM I within all of this? And maybe this is the reason we are so prone to move and act according to the stimuli others present to us in our lives, we really do not want to go through the inner conflict of getting to know ourselves and deciding upon a direction? At least this has been the case with me.

While moving with the flow requires no particular self-will or self-discipline, and mostly, comes very naturally, choosing upon and going in our own direction, is in my experience a lot more tough, at least the first times it is done. The times when I have decided to do what I see is common sense, while at the same time, I have had a desire to follow along with what everyone else was doing (which happened to be something different), I have been very conflicted about the decision. Sometimes I have wanted to go back on what I decided, because, what if my way is the wrong way? What if everyone else is right, and I am making a complete fool out of myself? This is characteristic I have found in terms of choosing and deciding upon our personal path, when we do, we have ALL the RESPONSIBILITY. We cannot blame person X for ‘putting us in this position’ – no we did it ourselves. However, that is also what I truly enjoy about making decisions for and as MYSELF – I am responsible – I am the creator – I move – I make it happen – and it will NOT happen by itself.

Thus, the solution as I see to change myself, from needing some form of response form others, to instead making and walking decisions that I have made myself, is to develop common sense – and learn to trust my common sense. If I have made a calculated decision, because I have seen that it is best, and someone else comes and says – ‘No, this is what is best!’ – if I stand clear within myself and know the specifics of my decisions – then I am less likely to fall into doubt and uncertainty. When I am clear within myself with regards to why I am doing what I am doing, I cannot be swayed and controlled the same way as I would otherwise.

Hence, this is exemplifies another point, it is not about being different, not about fear of what others might think about me – the reactions I have within me towards the input/response/stimuli of others reveals to me my relationship with myself – and if there is any form of dependency – that implies that I have not yet developed and stood as a point of grounded, decisive and clear point of common sense in my own life – but that I still wish to push the responsibility of my decisions unto others. As such, on a deeper dimension, it shows that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand accountable for my own life. The solution to this point is to live accountability – and do that through practicing STANDING with and by the decisions that I make – in terms of establishing what is BEST for ALL before I make a decision – and then deciding according to the assessment I have made. This way I will develop accountability – and at the same time – become a lot better at making decisions for myself, as well as standing with and by them even though others might say that I should do or think differently.


Learn more about this way of living

 

Day 343: Taking Charge of Work

It is not necessarily fun or enjoyable to work. In a very real sense, we are slaves to money, and we must work if we wish to survive. From that perspective, work is simply something we must do in order to get to and have time for the good things in life. Usually, the good things would be hobbies, family, friends, partying, traveling, and similar things. However, if we look at the time spent in the various compartments/dimensions of our lives, work is definitely one of the things we do the most. The majority of people spend their entire lives working, and have only a small amount of time left each day to spend on themselves. And when this is the case, it does not make sense to look and relate to work as something we have to get by and move past with as little involvement as possible – because – if we do – we will MISS OUT.

Work, even though we have to do it, it can become a rewarding, challenging and fascinating experience. What I have seen since opening this point up is that when we react to, and define work as only that ‘thing we just have to get through’ – we miss the countless of dimensions that exists within work where we are able to improve and expand. And it does not necessarily have to be about the work, meaning the physical action or actions we are involved within that defines our work. Instead, the the point of expansion can be found in unpredictable places and towards things that we would normally not pay any attention to.

For example, for me, what initially opened up as a challenge, and point within which I could expand, was living the word thorough. And this is because, in my line of work, being thorough is very important – and if one point is missed – this can have big repercussions. When I had mastered thoroughness, what opened up for me was balance, from the perspective that in order for me to be the best me, I had to develop and maintain a balance between leisure time, and time spent working. Recently, what has come up has been the word structure, which I am practicing through making daily to-do lists, following and developing effective routines, and before I begin with something, to slow down, and look at how I can approach the task in the best manner possible.

Though, what I mentioned above, that is only the bigger processes that I have walked. I have also worked with experiences in relation to colleagues, the pressures related to work, expectations that I have placed on myself, desires, inferiority, and more. What I want to say is that, if we are open to changing and developing ourselves to reach and stand as our utmost potential, work is a supreme location to be at – it is where we want to be – because we will face life straight head on – and it is in that face-to-face contact – that we have the opportunity to live – design – and create ourselves.

Instead of reacting to work, we should actively ask ourselves, what is it that I can do expand myself when I am working? Where can I push myself? Where can I develop myself? What can I learn from my colleagues? Where are my weaknesses and how can I turn them into strengths, and how am I able to strengthen my strengths even further?

Seen this way, working becomes something more, it becomes a place of creation, and not merely that place where you go to earn money, to afterwards go home, and only then do what you enjoy to do. Really, we should not have any separation in our lives, where we see one part of our existence as a prison where we cannot do anything but wait till we are released, and another part as our personal heaven where we want to spend every single minute. Regardless of where we are at, we have an opportunity to expand, create, move, and go beyond our limitations. And that must always be a part of our awareness. Hence it should not be our environment that creates us, we should do that, with our decisions, and the words we live.


Learn more about this way of living:

Day 334: Let Me Get Organized!

The problem

There is a reason that this blog is called a dreamers journey to life. The reason being, that I am a dreamer. As a dreamer, the way I approach tasks, schedule my week, handle my work responsibilities, is many times quite chaotic. This is not because I am a irresponsible person, or because I do not care about making the best of my days, it is because I tend to be more in a state of what I next, and also because, I at the same time get very caught up in THIS MOMENT, where I start to analyze, consider, and look at what is here, to such an extent that I loose track of time. Ergo, this set of conditions have lead to the following consequences: I forget things, I handle things in a rush because there is no adequate plan and not enough time time.

I discussed this tendency of mine with a friend, and within that I could see that a appropriate word for me to practice living is ORGANIZE. Hence, in the following blog, I will redefine, and look at how I can practically live this word in my day to day living.

Redefining the Word Organize

How I have lived the word thus far in my life

My lack of organizational skills became apparent to me when I started high school. With more subjects, classes, and exams, it got increasingly difficult to have everything in my head. And then, on-top of school, I had hobbies, and leisurely interests, which I also had to keep track of. Needless to say, this resulted in me forgetting things, and because I was not used to utilizing a calendar, or a almanac – and because I did not at that point in my life regard the consequences as sufficiently severe – I simply allowed this problem to fester. I enjoyed to see myself as a free spirit, easy going, boundless, creative and imaginative, and obviously NOT tied down to boring, time-based conditions.

However, as I began university, I started to apply myself more when it came to organization. I developed time management skills, learned how to plan my studies, and make sure that I had sufficient with time to handle my responsibilities, and got quite good at it. However, only to a certain extent. I was still quite chaotic in how I approached things, and in my private sphere, where I was not forced organize in the same way, I simply did not do it.

One could thus say, that the reason I have not applied and become effective with the word organize, is because I have not practiced it enough and deliberately made it a part of my life.

Current definition

Dictionary definition

  1. arrange systematically; order: organize lessons in a planned way.
    • coordinate the activities of (a person or group) efficiently: she was unsuited to anything where she had to organize herself.
    • form (a number of people) into a trade union or other political group: we all believed in the need to organize women.
  2. make arrangements or preparations for (an event or activity): social programmes are organized by the school.
    • take responsibility for providing or arranging: Julie organized food and drink for the band.
  3. archaic arrange or form into a living being or tissue.

Etymology

Organize
early 15c., “construct, establish,” from Middle French organiser and directly from Medieval Latin organizare, from Latin organum “instrument, organ” (see organ). Related: Organized; organizing.

Organized
1590s, “furnished with organs,” past participle adjective from organize (v.). Meaning “forming a whole of interdependent parts” is from 1817. Organized crime attested from 1929.

Sounding the word

Organ-eyes

Or-gone-eyes

Organ-I-See

Or-gain-I-See

Creative Writing

An organ, which is a independent part or function within a greater whole, is part of the word organize. Further, in organize we find the words I-See, thus forming the sentence, Organ I See – and this to me goes to show that organize is about seeing various parts, how they work together, and how to direct them, in a holistic way. Thus living the word organize, is about having an overview, seeing all the various organs that form my day in my life, and each day, as a organ that form part of my life. I have the organ of waking up, the organ of eating breakfast, preparing myself for work, using my car, all of these aspects are important to take into consideration when I create my day – and if I loose perspective – and only place focus on ONE organ – such as for example one particular task that I have to get done at work – then my day will not function effectively as I will not pay adequate attention to the other organs of my life.

An important part of living the word organized is thus to remain grounded, to breath, and to not loose myself only ONE moment, but to keep an overview of where I am going next, while at the same time, placing the necessary attention on the ORGAN/MOMENT that I am participating i HERE.

Redefinition

Seeing, directing and structuring independent parts to create an efficient whole

Practical living application

How am I able to live this word practically in my day to day living?

  • At the beginning of my day, look at what must be done that particular day, walk through it in my mind, see the various individual parts, and structure them into a efficient whole
  • At the end of each week, sit down with myself and look at what must be done the coming week, and use my calendar, or almanac to see and take notice of each individual part that make up my coming week, and structure them into a efficient whole
  • When I approach a task, look at what parts the task contain, and how I am able to systematize and structure these parts to form an efficient whole
  • To ask throughout my day, stop for moments, and look ahead, to see whether there is parts in my day that I must take into consideration and act upon – and to see how I can structure them into the flow of my day
  • To use routine, and systems to make daily living easier, for example, through always putting my keys in the same place as I get home, through noting down things (parts of my day) that I suspect I will forget otherwise
  • To consistently, and persistently use to-do lists, and my almanac to structure my life, and make sure that I get to the things which I need to get to
  • To not trust that I will remember things, and instead note it down.

Learn more about this way of living:

Day 264: Fear of Missing the Train

When I have now become a regular commuter, I have come to notice a fear of missing the train. Now this fear is interesting to observe, because it is a cool example of the irrational nature of fears. Even though I am mostly 10 to 15 minutes early, I will still have a urgency, and fear that I must get on the train as fast as possible, because apparently it will potentially leave before I have boarded. I have had this fear as far back as I can remember, and it is not only with trains, I have fears of being late to meetings, and other type of appointments as well – and because of that I am usually earlier than everyone else.

Looking more deeply into this fear, I see that the fear of being too late hides a fear of the unpredictable, because what does it represent to miss an appointed time? Usually what follows is something unpredictable, or maybe a conflict, at least, it is not something that I am able to foresee. Looking even deeper, this fear of the unpredictable also reveals still another layer: Lack of self-trust. Because why would it be that I fear the unpredictable? Due to me believing that I am not able to handle that situation, believing that I need to be prepared and already have all the information in order to effectively direct my life.

This latest point that I mentioned is also fascinating to look into, because this is a problem that I have had with regards to bigger decisions in my life. I have been fearful, and indecisive when it comes to making decision, simply because I am not sure on how it is going to play out, what is going to happen – thus – facing the unknown/the unpredictable/that which I am not able to prepare for.

My fear of missing train as such really links back to a fear of the unpredictable/fear of the unknown. This goes to show how our day-to-day lives, and our small fears of everyday things can show us something a lot more meaningful about ourselves. The solution that I see to this point is to develop a self-trust in myself even in the face of the unknown – and to when this fear of the unknown/unpredictable comes up within me – to then say to myself that no – I will not accept and allow myself to fear the unknown – I will trust myself to walk into the unknown and direct myself within it effectively – or at least allow myself to make the mistakes, learn from them, and become effective in directing and moving myself in the unknown.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that which I am not able to predict, or control, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to direct myself in that which is unknown, and unchartered to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop self-trust in directing myself in that which us unknown, and unchartered territory for me – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize fear as a coping mechanism for me to not have to face the unknown and that which I am not able to control, direct, or foresee

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the only way I can become better at directing myself in the unpredictable and unknown – is through trusting myself to walk into it – and when I am in it – push myself to be stable here – and look for solutions – establish a direction for myself that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing my train, and become stressed, and anxious as I am going to my train, because I fear that I might miss it, and fear what might come out of that, and that I cannot control and exactly know the consequences of me missing my train, and how I am going to deal with this, if it happens in my life – hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into, and exist within and as a state of fear, and anxiety, and worry, where I believe that I will be better off, by hiding in these experiences, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only way to really grow is to put myself into the deep end of the pool – and learn to swim

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare myself to be more comfortable with taking the train, and with not being so early to the train, realizing that I can give myself some moments, and that there is still urgency for me to go to the train, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively stop these thoughts of fear of missing my train

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when this fear of missing my train comes up, to see that what I really fear is loosing control, and not having full direction on my life and where it is that I am going – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up control, and fear ending up in a situation and position where I can’t predict what will happen next – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent upon predictability for me to be able to trust myself – and see what my next step will be – and where it is that I am going next

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable of handling the unknown, and the unpredictable, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself, and hold myself back in this distrust, and try to cope with this distrust through fear, and worry – where I believe that if I fear and worry – I will protect myself from consequential outflows and more effectively be able to make decisions in my life that are right and will lead me to the best outflow possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on fear and worry to apparently protect me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that fear and worry only makes me less capable of analyzing, and guiding myself through a moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I do not need to know exactly what is going to happen in the future for me to be able to see what the best direction for me is, and how to best deal with the situation that I am in – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice remaining stable and grounded here when I am faced with a moment where I don’t have control and overview – and where I am not sure what is going to happen and where my decisions will lead me

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear, and worry, because I am faced with a moment where I don’t have control, and the future is unpredictable, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that even though I might not specifically now where to go from here, and what is going to happen, this doesn’t have to destabilize and make me less effective, because I decide who I am – and I decide how to deal with moments that come my way – and hence I commit myself to stabilize myself using my breath – and practice remaining grounded and walking into my future even though I am not sure on what is going to happen

When and as I see myself distrusting myself, and using fear, and worry to apparently prepare myself, and make myself alert to deal with a unpredictable future, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I don’t need, nor do I require fear and worry to be effective in my life – and to stabilize myself to make effective decisions when I am not clear on the direction in my life – and hence I commit myself to stabilize myself – and move myself from moment to moment – to look for a solution and a direction in every moment – and trust myself that I will find a solution if I continue to push and do not accept and allow myself to give up

Day 262: Finding a Solution

a puzzle piece made of grassWhen I turn on the television and look at the conventional newscasts that are aired every night, most often what will be shared is problems. There are problems with schools, problems with politicians, problems with money, problems with crime, problems with jobs, problems with immigrants. Seemingly millions of problems, yet, what is very, very rare is the sharing of a solution. Why is that?

To answer this question, let us take a look at our own lives, and how we approach difficulties, issues, conflicts, and other tough points that arise in our day-to-day living. Because where is our focus? We look at the problem – and over, and over again we regurgitate in our minds how big our problems are. And what we many times miss is to actively look for the SOLUTIONS. So, in this blog I am going to share a practical living application that has assisted and supported me to be more immediate, and direct when it comes to handling problems that open up in my world – and walk them into a SOLUTION.

I will share a short story from my own life that will serve as an example of this practical application: I am at the moment building an expansion to my mother’s farmhouse. The plan is that my partner and I are going to live here, and share the spacious farm environment together with my mother. It is really a fun process to be part off. Though, when it comes to building, and acquiring a house like this, it requires a lot of capital, and because of this my partner and I have had to take on a loan. And today is I was looking at the building site, and the development of the expansion, a anxiety come up from within, and it went like this: “Oh, we are taking on so much debt to be able to do this! Shit! I could have decided to live more cheaply! Man, now I will be stuck with this for a long time!”

When that thought, and energy came up within me, initially I went into it. Then I applied self-forgiveness, and instead of continuing to exist in a state of worry/anxiety I began to look at a SOLUTION. Hence, I asked myself, what is the solution to this problem I am facing? And I realized that, instead of worrying about what this project costs, I can appreciate the fact that I do have the opportunity to do something like this in my life, and really involve myself in the construction of my future abode. And instead of looking at the debt as a point of pressure, see that me taking on this debt does allow me to walk, and experience a cool process of creation together with my partner. Thus I am in an optimum position to actually create, and be part of building the future of my life from the ground up, because an important part of my future will be my house, where I am going to live.

When I realized this, I could see that it was up to me to define WHO I AM in relation to this project that I have committed myself to walk. And I understood that I must make the decision, and unless I do that, my circumstances will do it for me. But do I want to walk through my life and feel pressured just because I have debt? No – I want to be able to live, and appreciate the environment and the life I am creating for myself. Hence the solution to my problem is to live this appreciation, this enjoyment, and push myself to explore and participate in this adventure that is unfolding day by day.

This is thus an example of the practical application of how we are able find SOLUTIONS to the inner conflicts we face. I have practiced the point of immediately as a reaction comes up within me, apply a self-forgiveness statement, and then look for, and live a solution. It is not as easy as it sounds, but developing such a skill is priceless – and really – it is what we as humanity needs to create. We are too much in love with our problems and it is not good for us – thus as a rule of thumb – I suggest that we place the focus in our minds 90 % on solutions, and only 10 % on finding and gauging problems.

Day 176: Annoyed With Whiners

A point that I’ve realized brings up a reaction of annoyance within me is people that find problems, and issues with things.

What I’ve seen is that, when someone brings up a problem, or issue, something that they feel is weighing down their life, I think that: “That isn’t such a big deal! Come on, it’s nothing, just get over it!” – What I am doing is that, inside my mind, I blame, and judge this other individual for being what I perceive to be, all to weak, and fragile; I see them as a whiner, and as such, as someone that brings negativity into my world, and focuses on what doesn’t work, instead of how to make things work.

So, the question I’d like to ask myself is, where does this reaction come from?

I see that it holds two dimensions, on the one hand, I find that I’ve myself gone to the other extreme, where I mostly accept the conditions of my environment, and live with it even though it’s not optimal – and so I cope with what I find to be dislikable, instead of finding a solution, and a way to arrange my reality, so that it’s not as uncomfortable – this is as such my coping-character, my “soldier”-character – a way of living wherein I perceive it as a trait of strength and power to be able to handle and live with bad conditions. Obviously though, such a trait, although useful in some situations, will lead to self-compromise in others, wherein I accept my world, and reality to be in a lesser state of condition, than what it has to be potential for – and that is obviously not cool.

The other dimension I see in relation to this point, is that I myself tend to focus on the problem, instead of actively focusing on solutions – thus – I myself tend to whine about things that doesn’t work, which is something that I live out in the form of blame – placing the responsibility unto someone else instead of taking responsibility for it myself – thus this is something I must re-direct, to as such make sure that I myself take responsibility for the problems that enter my world, and make sure that I find solutions, instead of ending up in blame, and then not finding, or directing the point to a solution whatsoever. I mean, it’s obvious that I require to find a solution for the points in my world, and blame will not do that for me, blame will only put me in a position of being angry at everyone else for things not working as I’d like them to, which doesn’t change, or help, or assist with anything at all.

These are the two points I will look deeper into with self-forgiveness today:

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed with another when and as this person is sighing, and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see, and define sighing as a weakness that is somehow coming into and affecting my world, and my state of being, and that it’s as such something that people should keep to themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to sighing in becoming annoyed, and irritated, and start thinking about how I perceive this other person to be very weak, as well as whining, and complaining on their environment, and the conditions of their life, instead of directing the points, and actively doing something about it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as wrong, and as something bad to complain, and to become affected by the conditions of one’s environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as something isn’t very effective, or good in my environment, and something clearly isn’t working, to simply endure the discomfort, and try to live with it as best as I can, instead of actively doing something about the point, to change my environment to become more friendly, and workable, and better for me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress reactions, and instances within myself, where I see that my environment isn’t optimally supporting me, through thinking that I am able to endure the point – instead of in that moment looking for a solution in how I am able to change my environment and world to become more supportive for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and become annoyed and irritated with another when sighing, thinking that they are being lazy, and rather complaining about their lives, and the problem it contains, instead of doing something about them to change them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this reaction is showing me that I am doing the same to myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when things aren’t working, to instead of taking responsibility for them, and directing them to a solution, blame my world, and environment for not being in a way that I feel is supportive for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect, and want my environment to change according to my moods, and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to as a child, develop the misconception that, I am able to manipulate, and control, and direct my world by the means of my emotions, and that when I am sour, or angry, this will push my world to change – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the system doesn’t work within these parameters, that for the system emotions are irrelevant and don’t mean anything, and as such, if I do want a change in my life, it’s not enough that I become emotion about it, I actually have to will, and live the change, and physically move myself to establish a change in my world, and physically develop solutions for myself in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my world when things are tough, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my world is somehow personally attacking me, and making my life difficult, as some form of vendetta, or personal judgment, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the system is in-fact utterly impersonal, that the system doesn’t really care whatsoever, and that the only one making it personal, and making it emotional, that is me: And as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself from making points that are difficult and hard emotional – and instead walk through them as what they are – physical points that requires a physical direction – that I must deal with and take by the horns – and that I can’t accept and allow to take control of and power of my life – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision in me to move myself out of my mind and into the physical through not anymore taking my life personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am entitled to feel emotional when and as things get tough in my world, and that I am somehow right to feel hurt, and to feel angry, and blame, and whine about my world, and how it’s currently functioning, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am as a matter of fact not punishing, or making life difficult for anyone else but myself, I am the only one that is creating suffering, and havoc for myself through not accepting and allowing myself to remain stable, and without emotions in my daily life, and living, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop this constant attempt to take revenge on the system through blame, and instead take responsibility, and realize that responsibility is the only way out, it’s the only solution – it’s the only way to end the circle of blame and in-fact move towards a solution that will work for everyone involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify me becoming annoyed and vexed when and as someone is sighing, or complaining on their environment, through thinking that this is something that I would never do, and that becoming frustrated at them will teach them a lesson to not do this in the future, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I am limiting, and making myself inferior, through accepting and allowing myself to react to this pattern of complaining, and sighing, not realizing that it’s merely a pattern, it’s not something personal, it’s not something devious, and bad that I must protect myself from through reacting towards the point, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead ask the other person, what they are going through, what they experience, to instead of blaming, and becoming annoyed, understand and get to know what is happening, and why it’s happening

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it’s not solution to become annoyed, and irritated at whining, complaining and sighing, because within this I don’t accept and allow myself to see where I am living out this same pattern, as well as how I can support and assist another to move through their experience of themselves, because when I get angry and annoyed the point feels as if it is a personal attack towards me, and as such something that I must protect and defend myself from, something that I must make sure doesn’t come to close to me, and my life, because apparently, if it does, it will wreak havoc on my inner life, and world, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s merely energy, it’s merely a reaction, and nothing that I have to make anything more than that

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am becoming annoyed, and irritated with another because they are complaining, or sighing, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that complaining, whining and sighing is not bad things, and it’s not things that will have a negative effect on me unless I immediately push them away, it’s instead simply patterns of living and reacting towards one’s environment, and as such I commit myself to stop the reactions, and instead, when there is an opportunity, get to know the reactions, ask the person what they are going through, look at what possible solutions there are, and how I am able to assist and support another to move through the reaction and instead look at the situation in the search of solutions

When and as I see that my environment isn’t supportive for me, and that it can become much better, but I disregard this fact, and instead attempt and try to endure my environment, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it’s not effective solution to try to endure what is here, and that I should obviously rather look for solutions and ways in which I am able to change and direct my environment to become more supportive for me, and to become more aligned with my life, and living so that I am able to create a world, and a life for myself that is more effective, and supportive, and enjoyable; and thus I commit myself to instead act and look for solutions and ways to make my life easier and better – instead of enduring with what isn’t effective and what isn’t working

Day 136: Investigate Everything

Today I was researching some information on the web and there were some statements which validity I doubted. Though, the problem was that I couldn’t really assess whether the information was valid or not, or at least this is what I thought.

So, as I was reading this information, and within me starting the process of assessing and discerning it, I went into a state of conflict and fear – and the origin of the fear was the fear of making a mistake, of assessing the information wrongly, and fear of not knowing, and not having a sufficiently deep, and intricate comprehension of the point, and that I would as such make an assessment that was wrong.

On top of this, I also see that the conflict the emerged within me also had a morality attached to it – because the nature of my assessment of the information was within the context of ‘is this right, or is this wrong?’ – and thus within that I separated myself from the information, and instead of seeing the information, and the words, as a part of myself, I saw it as an intruder, that I must be very careful with, because if I accept it into me, and if I accept and allow myself to consider it unconditionally, then it might infest me, and then I might end up on the side of those being ‘wrong’.

Thus, within this I can see the fascinating pattern of black and white, right and wrong, correct or incorrect – my tendency of wanting to simplify what’s going on in this world, and the information that is available, to whether it’s right, or wrong – instead of accepting and allowing myself to realize that with many, many points in this world, there is no such simple conclusion to make as to whether it’s right, or wrong, because it can be multifaceted and multidimensional, and even though I might at first glance term the point ‘wrong’ – at a nearer investigation it might actually contain useful, effective, and supportive points that I can use and apply in my life.

This all then comes back to the statement of ‘Investigate everything and keep that which is good’ – or rather ‘keep that which is practical and makes sense’ – and I see how this statement can be lived and applied in all areas of my life; because regardless of what point I participate within – there is always something about that point within which I am able to expand, learn, and develop myself; such as for example the school subject jurisprudence – that I at first found seriously boring – though embracing and immersing myself in this subject is actually a opportunity for me to develop self-discipline, and the strength to walk through challenges, and situations in which I am not motivated by an energy of feeling intrigued or fascinated, and wherein I as such have to motivate and move myself by and through making a decision, and living that decision.

Thus, the lesson to be learned is that, nothing and no one in this world should be judged and brushed of as ‘not relevant’ – because really – that is making oneself miss out on opportunities of self-expansion and learning – rather everything should be investigated, and understood – so what is useful and practical can be siphoned and put into practice.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear, and anxiety when I am assessing and discerning information that comes into my world, in fearing that I will make a wrong assessment, and in fearing that the information is not correct, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, and resist considering information unconditionally and without any form of inner protection mechanism, but that I instead take the information in, and look at it unconditionally, and from there decide upon whether it’s useful for me, useful in the process of what is best for all, or whether it’s not relevant at this stage, and not needed in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and information, and fight information, within and as the fear of becoming possessed with the information, and within and as the fear of becoming manipulated, deceived, or loosing my ground, and standing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approaching information unconditionally, to fear immersing myself in information, and investigating information without any judgment, or preconceived notion – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, that I will not loose myself in the information when and as I accept and allow it into me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can’t be harmed by accepting and allowing myself to unconditionally consider, assess, and discern information, and take information into me, and look at it without any form of judgment, idea, or definition, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach all points in my world within and as the same state of being, as accepting and allowing myself to investigate unconditionally, to explore it unconditionally, to research it unconditionally, to question it, and challenge it unconditionally, and as such not accept and allow myself to make any presuppositions about the point even though I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to walk through it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to presuppositions, and presumptions, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approaching a point, and immersing myself in a point, without having some form of judgment, or energy within me, through which I can define my relationship to the particular point that I am facing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how really, there is nothing to fear, and that the worst that can happen is that take on information that isn’t effective, yet obviously, this will be something that I notice as I apply the information for myself, and at that point I can simply make the necessary alignments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am able to use all aspects, and dimensions of my world to explore, empower, and expand myself, and that in all and every activity, challenge, and event, there is something for me to apply, and something for me to realize – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that for example, in regards to studying subjects that I find tedious, boring, and meaningless, that here I can practice living the words of self-motivation, determination, and within that practicing pushing myself to study and learn the subject effectively and specifically, even though I am not fueled by any form of energy to do so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I judge a point that comes into my world, and immediately reject it without any investigation, or research, then this indicates that I am using my mind in order to avoid having to face, and develop, and correct a particular part of myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to realize that it’s not my world that is at fault when I experience resistance, or discontent, but that it’s rather myself, and that it’s as such my own starting point, and my own relationship to the point that I must investigate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach information, events, situations, and challenges from a starting point of right or wrong, wherein I want to discern the point as either being correct, and incorrect, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach points in my world from a more expansive perspective, and realize that it’s impossible to force points into the small boxes of right or wrong, as all points contain several different dimensions, and as such it’s important to not make any hasty conclusions, but rather accept and allow myself to explore the points here within as the stability of breath; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to apply this practically in my world – through when I am faced with a situation, challenge, or moment – to in that accept and allow myself to approach without a judgment, and without any ideas, or experiences, but be clear within myself, and accept and allow myself to take part of, discern, and assess the actual physical reality of the point

Self-commitments

I commit myself to approach points in my world without judgments, without emotions, without feelings, and without any preconceived notion, and I instead commit myself to see, investigate, research, and assess the actual physicality of the point – such as for example with food; to not react instinctively in saying that the food is disgusting because I’ve memories of such food – but rather eat the food, and see how my body reacts, and then make a aware decision of whether this food is supportive for my physical or not

I commit myself to stop approaching new information from a starting point of fear, and I instead commit myself to approach new information, situations, and events unconditionally, and assess, discern, and evaluate the information without any preformed experiences – so that I am as such able to look at all points and research everything and take that which is good

I commit myself to be open and accessible to new perspectives, new information, and new ways of seeing and dealing with things, and as such I commit myself to be flexible, and not lock myself into and as a limited idea of ‘this is how I see things’ or ‘this is how I do things’ – and as such I commit myself to not fear the unknown and the new – but rather embrace change and stand with the principle of investigate everything and keep that which is good

Enhanced by Zemanta