Tag Archives: focus

Day 314: When Work Does Not Go Very Well

Some posts ago I wrote about being calm and stable in relation to work and learning to embrace failures, mistakes, fuck-ups, and other unwanted, negative occurrences in my job. Today, I had the perfect opportunity to observe this point in action. I do not need to give more context than the fact that I made a BIG MISTAKE at work – and people got upset, worried and nervous – yet – still – even though my world was seemingly shaky – deep inside of myself I experienced a calm.

Where did this calm come from? It came from knowing and understanding how reality operates, that in learning a new trade, there will be mistakes, and in walking day-to-day living, there will be unforeseen and unwanted outflows – they can be minimized through practice, presence, thoughtfulness, and discipline – but they cannot be removed – as long as we live in a physical reality with a myriad of dimensions, most of them unknown to us, moving and interacting at the same time, things will happen that we cannot control and today, such a point manifested.

Instead of going into a reaction, instead of judging myself, instead of becoming worried, fearful, and nervous, I took a breath, and I looked at the point objectively – and what I have seen to be so important when it comes to living calm is the skill of retaining perspective on things. And with perspective I mean the following: It is so easy to exaggerate and blow things out of proportion – we make a mistake and we feel awful about it – though in the grand scheme of things – it is only one bad day that eventually will become but a memory – that we might even laugh at and enjoy later on – because WOW what a fucking mistake we made!

I find that old people are generally better at approaching mistakes with light heart, probably because they have seen so much shit, walked through so many mistakes, and experienced so many negative occurrences, that they are just used to it; hence – they have perspective on things. I am however still young, so I have not accumulated that amount of experience, but it does not stop me from creating perspective in me when things go wrong. The solution I apply is that I ask myself: How bad will this look in fifty years? And the answer I get is that – I will probably be dead at that time or at least – not remember ANYTHING of what happened. Thus, fretting and worrying over mistakes is a WASTE OF MY TIME.

Though, that being said, mistakes are also a gold mine, because for each mistake, there is something that can be learned. For example, a couple of days ago I made the mistake of forgetting a task that I had committed to take on. Instead of becoming worried about it, I asked myself: What can I learn from this? And I saw that when it came to remembering duties, and directing responsibilities, an effective rule of thumb is to either act immediately and get it done when the point is here, or immediately take a physical note, and make sure that I get back to the point later on. Applying this rule of thumb I can avoid having to face a future moment where I again forget something, and thus, I can create a positive physical outflow for myself, that will become more than a memory, but actually a gift in my life, and something that will assist and support me to expand.

To summarize: Mistakes will happen and usually we exaggerate and overreact – AND – mistakes can be used as LEARNING POINTS – and as a motivation to push ourselves to expand – consider more dimensions – develop skills and abilities – and become more effective at what we do.

Hence, when a mistake enters into our world – what we should say is: Cool! A mistake! Let me see what I can learn here!


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Day 273: Morning Experiences – Part 2: Remembering Myself

In my last blog I opened up my morning experiences, and these have included: Depression, not feeling like, not experiencing motivation, feeling hopeless and as if there is no point in getting up, feeling as if my time, and my life is being stolen from me, because I have to get up and tend to all my responsibilities. Currently thus, there are many negative experiences clustered around the event of waking up.

Though, in this blog I am going to look at what practical applications there are, what solutions that I can apply in order to change my morning experience. And one solution that I have seen is to transform my mornings into a moment/experience of me assisting and supporting myself to slow down, to forgive, and prepare myself to walk out into my life. Practically speaking, what I can thus do as I wake up is to apply self-forgiveness, to focus myself on grounding myself and finding back to my physical, and making that my starting point.

At this stage, I experience my mornings as a pain to get through, though why should they be like that? In fact, the mornings are what I make of them. Hence, I can make my mornings an opportunity for me to ground myself, and support myself to find, and develop my stability, that I will then use to assist and support myself to get through my day. And fact is that, much of the tiredness, drowsiness, and physical strain I experience throughout a day, are directly related to my emotional experience. When I do not react emotionally to my day, walking through, dealing with my responsibilities, and directing myself is easy.

The trick is thus to remain with my physical stability, as that does not change, does not go back forth, up and down, here and there, it is simply one breath, one physical movement, one physical foundation. And for me to be effective and stable, I require to align with that stability, and my mornings are a perfect time for me to do this.

When I wake up, I will hence focus on my breathing, ground myself in my body, and apply self-forgiveness on the reactions that come up, and support myself to let go of any emotional experience that is lurking within, so that I can walk out of my house, stable and steadfast, and capable of using the day, and the opportunities it will provide, to the best of my ability.

Day 255: Are You Easily Distracted?

Are you one of those that get’s easily distracted? For example, when you have decided to do your homework, or sit down to engage in a activity that you do not look forward to that much, you seem to find so many other things that are more important, and that you would like to do, that you then end up doing instead of what you saw you had to do. In this blog I am going to walk through this mind pattern, and share solutions on how you are able to stop, and direct yourself, from being distracted, to instead being focused and concentrated.

Throughout my school years the one point that I fought and struggled with on an ongoing basis was my desire to do other things than schoolwork. I suspect that this conflict is normal for most children. When I was still in primary school, I would come home from school and have this urge to immediately go out and play with my friends – yet I knew that there was homework to be done and that I should get it done first, before I go out. Frequently I fell for the temptation, and opted for playing, instead of doing my homework, and as I grew older that way of handling my schoolwork became more rule than exception.

As I began upper secondary school, or high school, I was due to my relationship with distraction, not very good at focusing, and concentrating myself, and I invested my leisure time in playing computer games. For me school and homework was of secondary importance. The consequences of this was that I finished high school with mediocre grades, and without having developed an ability to sit down, focus, concentrate, and get things done. The reason being that I allowed myself to be distracted by what I wanted to do, desired to do, and felt like doing – hence compromising what I really had to do. And this inability to prioritize my time on a physical level impacted my ability to walk through university as well. Because even if I was more motivated when I started my first courses in higher education, I did not have the discipline, nor the focus to be able to integrate the now comparatively larger chunks of information.

Thus, what I want to share here is that accepting and allowing you to remain in a mind pattern of distraction will have consequences. Because to be effective in this lifetime, you must have focus, and you must be able to do things that you do not necessarily want to do, or feel like doing. This is for example of utmost importance in basically all types of careers. There you got to be able to complete your assignments and tasks. If you can recognize yourself as being someone that is easily distracted, understand that when you change this pattern within yourself, which it is possible to do, an entirely new world will open up. There are so many rewards and gifts to be found in the skill of being focused and concentrated. You would not believe how much we are actually capable of doing with our time, when we focus, and place our presence HERE in what we are doing.

Though before I get into the rewards, I want to share a couple of solutions that I have applied for myself, because I have managed to change, and transcend many aspects of my former tendency to distract myself. One point that I applied, to stabilize myself, and bring myself back HERE when I noticed that I was distracting myself, was to say to myself out loud: “Hey! Where are you going? You know that you should do THIS now! Come back and place your focus here!” – and this would assist and support me to in the moment, make the decision to not go towards my desires, and instead I could slow down, and return to my responsibility, or direct myself to start caring for my responsibilities.

Apart from that what has assisted me greatly is to be clear on the REWARDS and the CONSEQUENCES that follow from me accepting and allowing myself to be distracted. When I see what my actions will bring, it is so much easier to take that final and unconditional stand within me – were I state: “Till here but no further” – and as I said, there are many rewards for stopping the pattern of being distracted. Hence, it has been very beneficial for me to write down what more I can accomplish, and do with my life, and what that would mean to me, if I would be able to use my time more effectively, and really move my responsibilities into closure.

For example, when you stop the pattern of distraction, you will be able to get things done much quicker. You start something, a responsibility or commitment, then you place your focus HERE, and you push yourself to direct the point – and then you are done. Compare that to, starting a project on your computer, then stand up and leave after 20 minutes to talk in your cell phone, and then coming back only to surf a little on the web. Then you get back again, but now you’ve sort of forgotten where you were. It is far more effective to make the decision to do something, then you do it – and THEN – when you are done – you give yourself a moment to go do something that you enjoy.

And a point that is important to remember is that that the distraction pattern can only be stopped in the moment – and here many make a crucial mistake: They try to stop the distraction pattern only through speaking to themselves in their minds. The problem is that it does not help when you say inside of yourself that: “I should not be doing this” – “I have more important things to do” – “Why am I doing this? I should stop now! Come on stop now!” – Why? Because distracting yourself is a physical pattern – you live and create it with your physical body through moving yourself away from what you are required to do. Thus the solution is really so simple – to instead: PHYSICALLY move yourself towards, and DO what you see that you require doing. And here – in this physical movement you will experience some resistance – though with all change comes resistance and as such it is simply to push through and assert your change and the new direction that you have decided for yourself. You will get through it – and in that moment REAL ACTUAL CHANGE will be here – manifested in the physical

Hence, remember, when you feel that uncomfortable experience, that you should be doing something else than what you are doing, you know that knowing/experience you have in the back of your head. That slight voice whispering in your ears to “stop distracting yourself”. That is the moment to assert yourself and move yourself to change – to not accept and allow yourself to distract yourself, but to instead do what you are supposed to be doing.

Day 154: Letting Go of a Past Moment

During this last week I’ve had a couple of instances where I forget things, or miss things, or make unnecessary and preventable mistakes, and I looked at where this came from – and I saw that it came from a tendency I have to think about, analyze, and become preoccupied with events and situations that occur in my life.

For example, as I was eating together with a couple of friends, I was discussing and sharing some realizations that I have had, and as the moment was done – and I was supposed to move into a new moment, with my full awareness, and presence being here with me, I instead started to think about, analyze, and pick apart the moment that had already passed, which had the consequence of me not being aware, present, and able to direct the new moment that had entered my world.

What I want to practice living is focus, as well as presence, and live that in such a way, so that when I am done with a moment, I unconditionally move myself to the next moment, and completely let go of the past – and then – if I decide to do so – I can revisit the moment that had passed when I am in a position to do so, for example, as I am lying in my bed, ready to go to sleep, or sitting by my computer writing myself out – though – it’s not appropriate or effective to look at passed moments when I am in the middle of my life, having responsibilities and commitments that I require to direct, to in such a moment start looking at a past moment – because in those situations I require to have my entire awareness and presence here with my human physical body – and with what I am doing here – if I don’t I can obviously manifest dire consequences for myself, which is not necessary at all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I require to be present, aware and here when and as I am moving myself throughout my life, and that it can have consequences if I do not push myself to remain here – within and as breath – moving myself with what is here and having full attention upon my physical body – and my physical world – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang unto past moments, and take past moments into my mind and start to analyze them, and think about them, and pick them apart, instead of moving myself HERE within and as breath, within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate my attention from myself, my physical body, and my physical world, through participating in a state of analyzing, and picking apart past moments, and evaluating my performance in these moments, instead of realizing, that this is a thing that I can’t do when I walk in my life, and participate in this reality, because I require to be on my toes, cautious and present of what is going on, and if I don’t push myself to walk this I will create consequences for myself, which is totally unnecessary, because I can just immediately apply and walk this realization that when I am out and about, moving and participating, I require to have my presence HERE on what I am doing in this very moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I fall in a moment, I can’t start thinking about it, because that might have consequences, as I require to be here in my world, and direct myself to take care of my responsibilities, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself to give me some time each day where I do allow myself to bring up past moments, and look at who I am within them, and look at corrections, and solutions, that I am able to apply to correct these moments and who I am within them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to let go of each moment that I’ve lived, no matter how reactive I’ve been in that moment, to let it go, and then at a later stage, when I do have the time, and when the situation is appropriate, to bring myself back to that moment, and walk it through, and define a correction and solution for myself

Self-commitments

I commit myself to practice letting go of past moments immediately as I’ve walked them through, and bring myself back here to what I am doing, and be here in the present with myself, and have my complete attention here on what I am doing

I commit myself to direct myself to give myself the time each day to look at my day, to look at reactions, and experiences, and define solutions, and corrections for myself – and thus – make sure that I directively make the decision to bring a past moment here for me to look at it and walk through in writing and self-forgiveness

I commit myself to live focus practically in my world, through making sure that I have my attention placed HERE on what I am doing in every moment, and make sure that I don’t preoccupy myself with anything in my mind, but that my complete presence, and awareness is instead located, and focused, and placed here with myself

Day 17: Test-anxiety – There is no time! (Part 7)

I’ve now begun to prepare for my exams, and this I am currently doing through re-reading all of the material that have been presented at the course, and making sure that I know everything of it.

1338990124_running out of timeNow, in me re-reading all of the material, and looking through old exams, and taking notes – I notice that there is much anxiety coming up within me – and the anxiety is in relation to the point of “What if I am studying wrong? What if I am placing my time, and attention on the wrong things, and then in the end I am going to fail?”

So – what I am able to see is that this is yet again fear of failure lurking it’s ugly head, and that I am within my studies – instead of studying – actually existing within a state of fear of failure. See – this I’ve found to be very fascinating – that in terms of for example fear of death – we spend so much time fearing death that we do not actually live – instead of changing our starting point to live fully in every moment and then when death comes – embrace that point as well – and because we do not live this we instead spend our time in fear and manage to do very little with our life’s because we are possessed with fear; this is exactly the same situation that I am facing in relation to my studies – wherein – I am instead of studying – instead worrying of the outcome of my studies, and that I might be studying wrong; completely ludicrous.

Though – when I’ve been sitting for some hours – usually this fear subsides and I get into my studying completely – and then I am only here – taking a breath – and then reading the next paragraph, or taking a note – simply studying so to speak. That’s how simple it should be to study for an exam – to simply do it – to simply sit down and study – with no anxiety, no fear, no projections, no worry – so this is the point I am going to work with today in my self-forgiveness, and self-commitment statements.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear that I will fail with my studies – meaning don’t produce a effective grade – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus upon what might go wrong, to focus upon fear – instead of focusing upon studying – instead of focusing upon being here and learning the material that I require, and need to learn in order to pass my upcoming exams

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus upon what I experience – instead of looking at what I am doing, and focusing upon me participating effectively within and as this world – me moving myself in this world and being here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the mind as “possessing me” – when in-fact it’s me that is focusing upon fear instead of focusing upon living

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I sit down with my studies, to project myself into the future – into a distant future point – wherein I am experiencing a failure – as me not getting a effective grade on my exam – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then go into a complete state of anxiety, and worry – a complete state of possession wherein I am possessed with my fear, and my anxiety – and I experience it as the end of the world – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose touch with what it is that I am doing here – which is studying – and completely go into my mind instead of remaining here with and as breath – with and as the physical – and simply studying for my exams

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I experience studying for my exams as stressful, as hard, as fearful – then this does not indicate that there is something wrong with the exams – it indicates that there is something wrong with me – because I mean – it’s ME that is making my experience of studying for the exams to be this stressful, and uncomfortable experience – it’s as such nobody but me that is able to stop this; and I mean – this doesn’t mean that I have to study less – or that I should instead prioritize other points instead of my exams – it only means that the WHO I AM must change – the decision of what, and who I accept and allow myself to be in every breath

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how ridiculous anxiety really is – because it’s a fear of what might happen – and when in this fear I have no directive control over what is happening HERE – because I am somewhere out there looking at what might happen, and obviously this is completely stupid – because it’s HERE that my attention should be – because it’s HERE that life happens – it’s not out there in a distant future – it’s not in my head in a dream, or fantasy – it’s HERE – in the physical – in breath – in the moment – here life happens and nowhere else – and as such it’s my responsibility to remain here as breath – and not go into my mind to try and get there, or be there

6. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to enjoy studying for my exams – and to do so without anxiety – to go to the library, to sit there and read – to prepare myself to the utmost of my ability – and to enjoy this preparation phase – to walk it as a challenge – as something that I find enjoyable – and something which I am not doing from a starting point of fearing failure; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that fear, and anxiety sucks that life out of everything – and when there is fear – there is no presence – no enjoyment – no pleasure – there is only this fear – and this worry – and this hastiness – that I no way deserve to be called life

7. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give up my desires in relation to having a good grade, and give my desires of becoming something in this life – and in this see, realize, and understand – that in giving up my desires I am truly making myself able to be effective in this life – and move without self-judgment, and without fear – focusing upon common sense – placing myself in a position that is the best for me – as such being fearless and completely and intently focused upon LIVING – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand – that this is the key to being effective in this life – to live fearlessness – which is a point that can only come forth when all desires are let go of

8. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of my desire to after I’m done with my studies – to get a highly paid job – or to get into being a judge, or something “high-class” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need a desire to be fulfilled for me to live – for me to express myself – for me to be effective within this life – and I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how limited desires in-fact are – that they are merely these pictures, these small dreams – that are simply illusions because I’ve no idea how I’d experience myself being a judge for example – and thus they are merely hear-say – as information that I’ve gathered and decided that I want to live and have my life to look like – instead of considering common sense – and what is best for all – and what is best for me

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I am worrying, and fearing that I will fail with my studies – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – this worry, and fear is simply in my way of living – it only distracts me from being effective in every moment of breath; as such I commit myself to focus upon living – expressing myself – and doing my studies – and not fear, and anxiety

2. When and as I see that I am focusing upon what I experience – making my experience my god, and that which is of utmost importance – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that there is MORE than this – that there is an entire physical existence HERE that is not of experience but is in-fact a actual physical point; as such I commit myself to focus upon this physical – actual reality – and not on my experience

3. When and as I see and notice that is I sit down to study – that I am projecting myself into the future – and seeing a image of my failing, and being miserable due to having received a bad test score – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean – while I am doing this projection-thingy – I am really missing my actual studies here – and while I am doing my fear-thingy – I am actually missing to integrate, and learn the information that is in-front of me in my book – I mean I am as such creating that which I fear through participating in fear; thus – I commit myself to stop participating in fear to bring myself back here to the physical and focus upon me LIVING – me STUDYING – me MOVING MYSELF – being HERE – PRESENT – DIRECTIVE – ALIVE!

4. When and as I see, and notice that I experience my exams as being stressful, hard, and fearful – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that my exams in themselves are not stressful, hard, and fearful – it’s ME that makes my exams to be this emotional rollercoaster instead of me remaining physical – breathing – and moving myself HERE – within and as my physical moment-to-moment – basis; as such I commit myself to make my studying for the exams to be FUN – a challenge – something that I enjoy to push myself within for no other reason but to challenge myself – and within this see how effective I am able to become within the education system – while not accepting and allowing a grade to define who I am

5. When and as I see and notice that I am existing within and as anxiety, as fear of what might happen – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see that fear of what might happen – is really a unnecessary fear – because while I am fearing what might happen I am not here directing what is actually happening – as such without any awareness and directive principle moving myself through my life – hoping that everything will turn out okay when I am really blindfolded because I am not in-fact here; as such I commit myself to bring myself back HERE from the future – and to live – participate – and remain here – because here is where the happening happens – in every breath

6. When and as I see, and notice that I am not enjoying my studies – but that I experience them as a struggle – and as something boring – and something tedious – and anxious-driven – I immediately stop myself, I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I don’t have to experience my studies these way – I am in-fact able to enjoy my studies – and appreciate studying – it’s simply a matter of who I decide to be in the moment; as such I commit myself to make my studies enjoyable – something fun – and pleasurable – and something that I look forward to – and not something that I try to shun away from – and hide from in fear

7. When and as I see that I am participating in the positive, as projecting myself into the future – and looking at my desires – hoping that they’ll manifest – for example – me becoming a judge, or getting a high-paid lawyer job – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that my desires are not real – they don’t depict my actual future, or how I’d actually experience myself in such a profession; as such I commit myself to stop polarizing my living through attempting to create my life as fantasies – and I instead focus upon LIVING HERE – seeing that only when I let go of all desires – will I stand without fear

8. I commit myself to develop, and create myself as fearlessness through letting go of all desires – and bringing myself back to my human physical body to live HERE

9. When and as I see that I am participating in a desire – as a fantasy – of me seeing myself getting a job wherein I get a high pay, and I become rich, and I have big network of friends – that see me as their best-friend – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – this picture that comes up within me – I mean – I am sacrificing my physical presence, and living for this picture that comes up in my mind – does that make sense in anyway what so ever? No – obviously it doesn’t – it’s completely stupid – and as such I commit myself to bring myself BACK HERE – and live without desires – live without trying to reach and attain pictures – and instead live and direct myself HERE on a moment to moment basis