Tag Archives: forgiveness

Day 146: Giving Me A Me-Moment

I was recently shown a point about myself, and here I am going to delve deeper into it.

So, the point is in relation to how I don’t accept and allow myself to through-out my day take these me-moments, where I take a short break or pause in what current responsibility I am involved within, and allow myself to for example, play with the cats, or talk with my partner, play some guitar, go outside for a while and take some sips of air.

The reason as to why I am not accepting and allowing myself to do this is because of anxiety, or more clearly put: I actually don’t even notice, or see that there is this movement in me that I’d like to have a me-moment, because I am in a state of anxiety, and in a state of ‘getting there’ – ‘doing that’ – ‘producing results’ – actually I am driving myself throughout my day utilizing anxiety as a fuel to produce results and to apparently get me somewhere.

Now, this is obviously not working very well, and the consequences of such a behavior, of being constantly on-point, constantly moving, working, pushing, focusing – being in but ONE state of being all the time as that of a spear-headed movement forward, is that I will become burned out – I will hit the wall so to speak. Thus, I see that I must practice giving myself those me-moments, I must learn to tune in with myself, and when I do my work, and I am pushing, and I am pressing forward, that I still accept and allow myself to take those small breaks, those moment where I go and do something just because – its fun and I enjoy it – and I find it relaxing.

Its important that I give myself these moments, because I am going to, if everything goes according to plan, be here on this earth for quite a while, and thus I must see to it that I care for myself, and care for my body, and that I accept and allow myself to move consistently, yet still give myself those needed breaks, where I just do something, because its comfortable, its nice, and it rejuvenates me and enables me to go back into focus-mode – and get done what I was walking.

Thus, the practical correction I want to apply here is that of living the word balance, and to move myself through-out my day in a pace that is slow and steady, to not over-do certain points, but to do them in such a way that I still have time for me, time for just being and doing something pleasurable, and within that shift my attention for a moment – so that I don’t get stuck in this fast and speedy way of living – where all that matters is that I go forward; slow and steady wins the race.

When moments arise in my world, where I feel that I’d like to have a break from what I am doing, or I feel that I’d like to go and play the guitar, pet the cats, take a walk, cook some food, do something pleasurable, and enjoyable – I commit myself to give me that me-moment – unless its crucial that I finish up and walk through some commitment or responsibility that I have taken upon myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself those moments in my day, wherein I let go of what I am doing, and I allow myself to go and do something that I enjoy, such as for example playing with the cats, or talking with my partner, or playing some guitar – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto an idea of time effectiveness – wherein I think, perceive, and believe that my effectiveness with time is equal to how much time I spend on a particular point, instead of realizing that for my time to be effective, I must as well be effective, and I can only be effective when give myself moments of me-time – where I for a moment let go and allow myself to do something for no other reason but that I enjoy such a point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck within and as a idea in my head of what it means to be effective, and to use time effectively, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of anxiety that I will waste my time, and that I will not utilize my time to its fullest potential – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in holding unto and living from such a starting point – I am in-fact making my time ineffective – I am creating my fear – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself within and as the natural flow of my day – and participate in points coming up without existing in this state of anxiety that ‘I must save my time’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of anxiety, and fear that I am going to waste my time, and that I am not going to move myself properly to take care of my responsibilities, and commitments, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in holding unto such a fear, I am creating that very fear, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, and move through my day within and as self-trust, wherein I participate, interact and move myself within and as my responsibilities and commitments, not from a starting point of fear, but from a starting point self here – where I am here – present and moving myself in every breath to walk the points and direct the points that emerge here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of distrust within myself, wherein I believe that unless I motivate myself with fear and anxiety, nothing will get done, nothing will move, and nothing will become the way I want it to become, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value, and see, and define fear as my main point of motivation, instead of accepting and allowing myself to stand as my own point of motivation, and trust that I will get done the things I set my mind to – and that I’ve already proven to myself that this is the case

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I let go of fear, that there won’t be any motivation within me anymore, that there won’t be any resolve within me anymore, and that my life will stagnate, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this is in-fact an idea, how it’s a perception that I’ve created, and that it’s not real – because what is real is that physical movement only requires physical energy, it requires a decision, and then I move myself according to that decision, and in that there is no fear energy required, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the fear energy, and accept and allow myself to motivate, move and direct myself according to the plans I’ve made for myself, according to what I see is practical and a priority, and as such not anymore drive myself through and as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the consequence of driving myself within and as fear is that I will burn myself out, and that I will create physical consequences for myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be disciplined in stopping this fear, and each time that it comes up as a motivating factor, to take a breath, and to bring myself back here, and align myself into and as my physical body, and make the motivation of my movement, myself, wherein I stand as the motivation, I stand as the movement, I stand as the direction, I live the direction, I live the movement, and I as such do not require any energy to push my ahead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be alert and aware as to these movements coming up within me, that I’d like for example to play some guitar, talk with my partner, be with the cats, or go out and take a walk, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress these movements within me, instead of being aware of them, and giving myself such moments, seeing, realizing and understanding that in giving myself such small moments of self-expression, I am in-fact nurturing and stabilizing myself, which will in turn make me much more effective in all of my other responsibilities that I hold in my world and reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself these small moments of expression, these small moments of me taking some time and simply enjoying myself, and expressing myself within and as a particular point, and I see, realize and understand that giving myself such moments is in-fact an investment that I make in myself, and that these small moments will support me in standing more firm and effective in other areas of my life

Self-commitments

I commit myself to give myself moments of me-time – wherein I do something that I enjoy to do – for no other purpose or reason but that I enjoy to do it; and I see, realize and understand that in giving myself these moments of expression I am supporting myself, and solidifying, and strengthening my stand in other areas of my life

I see, realize and understand that my general experience of myself is a holistic creation that involves who I am throughout my day, and that its not sustainable to only work, to only focus, to only labor, and push, but that I also require to give myself some moments where I break of my routine and do something that I enjoy – because I see, realize and understand that in order to be effective in my commitments and responsibilities – I need to care for and nurture myself, which I am able to do – through watering myself – watering here implying that I give myself these moments of enjoyment, pleasure, and unconditionally being here with myself

I commit myself to not stress through my day, and be anxious to move faster – and I commit myself to slow down and move within and as presence of breath – and see, realize and understand that I am only able to do what I am able to do in a breath – and that stress and anxiety is wholly unnecessary; thus I commit myself to move in the pace of the physical – in the pace of breath – and in the pace of my natural physical express

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Day 142: More Discipline

Today I am going to look at my tendency to go into fear of survival in relation to the future – and I have already written about this point quite extensively, as well as applied self-forgiveness, and specified a self-corrective application – thus: today I must look at specifically why it is that I haven’t stuck with my decisions – as well as refine my self-corrective application – so that the next time I am facing this particular fear point – that I immediately go to my self-correction and that I direct the point.

Let’s first look at the context of how the fear entered into my mind initially. I was talking to a person in my world about job opportunities, and this person notified me that for youngsters with the same education as me, it’s apparently quite difficult to get a job. So, in that moment as this was being said, I entered into a fear within myself, an anxiety that I wouldn’t be able to get a job, which then led me to start imagining, and then to start saving myself and my future in this imagination. Thus, what I see that I should’ve done, was to immediately in that moment, to stop myself, to bring myself back here to and as the physical, and say – NO – I will not go into and as that fear – I will not go into and as that anxiety – I will not follow the mind – I will remain here with and as my human physical body.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in the moment as the fear arise within me, and as the whispering reason comes up within me, as to why I apparently should go into fear, that I immediately in that moment stop myself, that I immediately in that moment bring myself back here, and I immediately apply self-forgiveness on the point, and I breathe through the reaction, and I do not accept and allow myself to make any decision or form my future from within and as this experience of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize the tools of self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application, to in the moment as this fear of the future arise within me, that I immediately take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I move myself through the reaction, and I do not accept and allow myself to in anyway be swayed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that feelings, and emotions, particularly fear, is like these temptations coming up within me, asking me to follow them, asking me to come with them, and me to align with them, because apparently I am safe with them, much more safe than what I’d be with and by myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, bring myself back here, and say no to the temptations, and instead make the decision to earth myself, to be physical here, within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I require to be disciplined and strict with myself, and that I will be tested by the mind, as the reactions will come up, and they will allure me with these tempting reasons as to why I should go into the reaction, why I should go into the fear, why I should give up on my decision, and my principles, and just leave them by the roadside, and go into and as a complete possession – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that these are moments of truth so to speak, that it’s in these moments that I require to push myself, to stand through the wave, to walk through the wave, and not accept and allow myself to be swayed or toppled

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the real test whether I’ve actually transcended, and moved through a pattern is when I am faced with the pattern, and I stand through, and move through it, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not discipline myself even further in terms of fear, and anxiety reaction, to each time there is a notion of such a thought, or reaction coming up within me, that I immediately stop, that I do not accept and allow myself to follow that thought, to follow that reaction, but that I in that moment do myself the greatest favor, and I apply the tools, I live the tool of self-forgiveness, and I correct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself, and recognize when and as I’ve gone into a fear possession, which I am able to see by the way I communicate, by which questions I ask, by my general thoughts, wherein everything is directed unto me stabilizing and making sure that my future will be predictable and that it will contain money – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I notice this pattern coming up within me, when I notice that I am going into a physical state, and a physical possession of fear, that I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I correct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that self-forgiveness is useless I in-fact live it – and thus – in relation to this fear point – I commit myself to make my self-forgiveness worthwhile – through disciplining myself to remain here and not go into the fear – not go into the experience – but instead remain here

Self-commitments

When this fear of the future come up within me, as a sneaky thought, or a emotion, trying to get my attention, and get me into a pattern of looking at and attempting to protect myself from my future, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I require and have to in this moment CHANGE – which I do through NOT FOLLOWING the point coming up within me, and thus I commit myself to live discipline, and live steadfastness – and stick with my decision to not go into this fear but instead remain here with and as my human physical body – with and as breath

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Day 100: Stop The Fear

After having studied for my exams today I experienced myself physically tired and exhausted and I am sure that this has something to do with who I am within my studies, how I study, in what state of presence and mind I am when it is that I am studying.

What I can see is that I am often going into a stress and nervousness, and the mechanics of this is quite simple, is that I project myself into the future, look at how much I think I have to do, read, and study, then go into a fear that I won’t be able to do all of these tasks that I’ve projected into the future, and that accordingly this will cause me to fail on my exam.

Another interesting point that relates to this is how I tend to want to study more, take more courses, take more educations, and when I look at where this is coming from, I can see that also this is arising from a sense of fear, a sense of panic and anxiety, wherein I will do everything I can possibly do in order to ensure my security, and my financial stability. It’s really quite absurd, because in walking and applying myself in this stress and anxiety, what I am doing is that I am really destroying my physical body, creating harmful consequences for myself, and in a way, this way of living will result in me becoming “burned out” so to speak, or “walking into the wall” – wherein I simply push to hard without considering that I must actually tend to, and listen to my physical body, and that it’s simply detrimental to go into anxiety, and fear to and towards the various challenges and hoops one face in this worlds, wherein exams are one of those.

The point I must continue to work with is thus fear of survival, and I must within this push myself to be much more specific, because it’s obvious that I create these experiences of myself through participating in thoughts, yet at the moment these thoughts are not clearly defined and visible for me, they move to fast, so I must slow down, breath, and look at exactly what it is that I am creating within myself that leads to me placing myself in a experience of possession.

What I also see is that I can support myself physically to not go into this state of being through allowing myself to take a walk, go and swim, or go to the gym – wherein I instead of being in this state of running, allow myself to physically slow down, and just be HERE with my body, and another point that can assist with this is to listen to classical music when I study, so that I slow down, and that I am not in this possession when I am applying myself in my world, because that is what gets to me.

Thus, it’s time I commence operation slowing down, and I mean, this relates to my last blog, where I said I would expand more on how to live the word CARE practically and physically, because doing this for myself, is living real care – because I see what I and my body require, and I act upon that, thus caring for myself and my human physical body – and that is where my care my start – with myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a perpetual state of running through life, wherein I am running towards something as a point of success, as a point of being more than, as a point of being better than, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this state of trying to get through, trying to move myself to something, become something, excel in something, instead of accepting and allowing myself to remain HERE within and as my human physical body, and excel in that which matters, which is amongst other things to care for myself in real physical time – which implies that I slow down, that I don’t accept and allow myself to stress, to be nervous, to be anxious, and to be fearful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a constant state of stress, of pushing myself through life as a way of trying to achieve some form of greatness that I believe I must reach, as a point that I’ve created in my mind – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how me pushing for this particular point isn’t effective, and that I am doing it from a starting point of stress, anxiousness and fear – and that I am within this not considering, listening to or caring for my human physical body in anyway whatsoever – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and commit myself to stop running around in my mind, trying to reach something, or become something, or be something, to instead be here in every moment of breath – and to walk my day within and as the physical here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself through life from a starting point of fear and anxiety, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become numb to life, and to separate myself from life, wherein I constantly and continuously exist within and as this state of inferiority and feeling that I am inferior to life, and that I thus must prove myself to life, I must become something valid and worthy in the eyes of life before I am able to accept myself and recognize myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and to unconditionally allow myself to be here within and as my body, to realize that I am chasing ghosts in my mind and in that processing I am in fact destroying my body, which is my life support, which is the point that allows me to be here in this physical reality and experience this world and this moment of breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define going out for a walk, going to the gym, or going swimming as a waste of time, because then I am apparently not producing anything that is of apparent worth, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my definition of worth to be only in relation to money, and in relation to making something out of myself in this system wherein I can be seen by others as special, as unique, as perfect – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here, and accept and allow myself to stop chasing for something – and too realize that I am able to walk and take on points in the system, but that this doesn’t define who I am – because I am here – and I walk within and as the physical and I don’t walk in this state of stress and anxiety as that is simply not a valid way to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for, and desire, and want to acquire and retain a position in the matrix of being regarded as superior, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of constant stress and anxiety that I won’t be able to reach and attain and withhold such a position in the system, and that accordingly my life will be boring, it will be without passion, it will be without heat, it will simply be a daily routine of walking through my life and doing nothing what-so-ever – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, and within this accept and allow myself to unconditionally stop this stress, to realize that this idea that I must attain a position, it’s a falsity, it’s a creation of my mind and not a actual reality of physical living – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live HERE – and commit myself to make life a expression of here where I do regard my body as the living breathing entity that it in-fact is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with my plans for the future in relation to career and money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of whether or whether not I will achieve a so to speak, “successful” career – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be competitive, and try to win over others, and attempt and try to defeat others, in the belief that the only way I able to gain respect and recognition in this world is through being seen by others as majestic, powerful, effective, and strong and above the normal – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a deep breath and to bring myself back here to and as my human physical body and remove this anxiety, this fear, this nervousness that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, and realize that I don’t require to for me to be stable – here with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in this current day and age, to be successful is not a sign of who you are as a human being, it’s all about luck, and it’s all about where you’re born, as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to impress upon, and try to win and prove myself in this world through getting the perfect job, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is obviously not the way to go, and that in doing this, I will simply miss out on myself, and spend my life in fear and attempting to become, instead of realizing that I can take a breath, and bring myself back here, and within that accept and allow myself to stop searching to find myself here, and be kind to myself here, and physically care for myself and human physically body here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I can align myself within and as the understanding that I can walk in this world, but not be of this world – I can make decisions, and walk my process of getting a job, of finishing my education, of getting a career, but not in anyway allowing this to define who I am; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally align myself within and as this realization – that I can accept and allow myself to let go of my fears – and live here – because fear sucks practically speaking

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into this stress, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand how ridiculous it is that I am fearing my future, that I am fearing what grades I will receive, that I am living in fear, because I mean, what’s the point of living if all I am doing is to fear; as such I commit myself to laugh and to simply take a breath, and shake this fear of and take myself into and as my human physical body

When and as I see that I go into anxiety, fear of the future, and I notice how I become all pumped up within myself because I exist within and as this extreme fear, panicky feeling, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how ridiculous it is to exist within and as this state of panic and fear – because obviously it doesn’t do anything for me what-so-ever – and thus I commit myself to laugh and to simply myself back here, because I won’t accept and allow myself to live out my life in fear of the future, as I instead will live my life fully in every moment of breath in stability, certainty and self-trust

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Day 99: The Decision To Care

I am going to work with a point of anger that has come up within me today. It was triggered by a situation in which I perceived that a particular individual was compromising himself or herself by being apathetic and complacent about their life. The exact trigger point I would say was the point of indifference that I perceived another lived out.

I’ve now looked at this point of indifference, apathy, and complacency, to see why it is that I react towards this particular point in anger. What I am able to see is that I, firstly, judge this point – I see it as horrible, and I’ve also seen myself as in a way having moved past this particular way of living, and thus become better than apathy and complacency. Secondly, I see that apathy and complacency is still something that exists within me, not so much anymore in relation to the point of laziness, but more as a point of inner attitude towards walking my process, towards walking the point of establishing a system of life in this world – I can see that I am holding unto a point of believing that “there is no use to it” – this is the underlying self-acceptance I have, and then my decision to walk change in this world is contaminated with this underlying acceptance, which has the consequence that I do not walk completely, I do not walk fully – because “what’s the use anyhow?”.

Another point I see within this is that I’ve used judgment in order to veil me from seeing this underlying acceptance of indifference and complacency – I’ve through judgment been able to take my attention away from having to change myself, and I’ve instead made myself to focus on the judgment, to focus on the anger, to focus on “how bad it is” – instead of looking at how to practically and physically change this acceptance, so that I can accept and allow myself to walk fully, this point of self-change that I’ve committed myself to in this life.

The anger is thus a veil and not the real issue; it’s the point coming up within me saying, “hey focus on me! Don’t look any deeper into this, just focus on me” – and it’s interesting how well this diversion tactic has worked for me, so that I wouldn’t have to ask myself to tough questions – and that question is in essence, can I say that I do really care? That I am passionate? That I am compassionate? I mean, do I each day as I wake up stand with those words, and walk those words practically through making sure that my day, and the breaths I breathe during my day will be a contribution to a world that is best for all?

At this moment I can’t answer yes to those questions, which is main problem – it’s obvious that if I want change I must learn to care, be compassionate, and passionate about such a change, to such a degree that I push myself to walk whatever is required for me to walk in order to get this done.

The solution is thus to look at how I am able to start caring for myself, and for my world, what would it practically entail, how is it that I can practically implement this words This point I am going walk in the next blog.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not implement and walk the words of passion, compassion and care practically, and physically in my world, to define these words for myself, and practice to walk these words physically and practically in my world – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead accept myself as apathetic and complacent towards walking self-change in this world, towards walking within the principle of manifesting, and creating a new world, and a new reality, and a new me that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the acceptance within me that “there is nothing I can do” – and think/believe that “whatever I do it won’t have an effect” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how I am limiting myself, holding myself back, and compromising myself within holding unto such a limited view of myself in relation to change – believing that change can’t happen, while it’s obvious that change can happen – I mean, I’ve created myself as I exist today, then it’s common sense that I can create myself into a better and superior version of myself that is kind to all life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto the acceptance that I can’t change, that I can’t move, that I can’t direct, that I can’t push myself to go beyond my limitations, beyond my ideas of what I believe I am capable off, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply accept myself as limited, instead of questioning my acceptances, and not accepting and allowing myself simply remain and hold unto acceptances that are obviously not effective, and that doesn’t support me, neither support life as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and let go of this acceptance, and allow myself to re-design myself as the words of care, compassion, and passion, and define for myself how I am able to live these words practically in my world – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I decide what I will live, what I will accept and what I will allow, and that thus; real passion is a decision, real care is a decision, real compassion is a decision, it’s not something that happens because of a feeling, it’s something that I move myself to live as, I decide for myself to stand as and walk as; and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for passion, compassion and care to “happen” to me – instead of me directively making the decision to create myself as passion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for myself that I will one day begin to care, that I will one day become passionate, and within that points are going to move, not seeing, realizing, and understanding that passion, that care, that these are decisions, and that they are not something I am born with, they are not something I experience, they are not something that are “just here” – but they are something that I must actively and willfully create – because such is the nature of existence, that I do in-fact decide what is here, I create myself, and I create my reality in every moment of breath – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take on the responsibility of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that suddenly, one day, I will begin to care for myself, I will begin to feel compassionate for myself, I will begin to feel passion towards the point of walking for, and committing myself to, and dedicating myself to self-change – not seeing, realizing and understanding how this is not so – that nothing will happen unless I make it happen; I mean this principle is obvious in all aspects of life – that unless I make the decision, and I walk the decision, and I stick to the decision, nothing will happen; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to care for myself, be compassionate, to be passionate, and to walk this self-directed, without energy, without anything moving me, but myself as a decision, as living breath, as the living word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how I’ve used anger and judgment in order to cover up for myself the simple common sense, that if I want to change, I must make the decision to change – that if I want to have a different experience of myself – I must create that experience of myself – that if I want to have a different life – I must create that different life; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that waiting for change is the same as giving up, and that it’s really a illusion to wait for change, because change will not ever manifest unless I make the self-directed decision to manifest and create change as myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it’s complete self-abdication to wait for some form of stimulation to move me to take action, and it’s also completely absurd, because stimulation obviously only occurs towards points that I supposedly “like” – but the fact is that I tend to not ever like things that are effective for me, that work for me, and that do have an outflow that is best for all – and thus to trust stimulation to move me is like shooting myself in the foot – and I mean, I don’t need stimulation to move me, I only need common sense, my human physical body, and then a directive decision, and then I move – it’s so simple that a baby can do it, and does do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not comprehend and realize the power of decisions, and to understand that energy is limitation and that all I require to master is the process and walking of decisions – I mean, because I don’t require a energy to get things moving, I don’t require a stimuli to get things in place – I simply require me here making a decision and then walking that decision; my body is showing to my everyday how to walk without stimulation, my body doesn’t need a energy to beat the heart, or grow the fingernails, or sweat – my body simply do it – it looks at what is here, makes a decision, and walks the decision – so simple – so easy – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn from my body and realize that my current way of living as looking at what stimulates me is completely limited, and only have the outflow that I make decisions that are not best for all

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am waiting for myself to move, waiting for myself to become passionate, compassionate, and caring – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that what I am waiting for will never happen, simply because the mind doesn’t function like that – and it’s obvious that I can’t trust stimuli to be the director of me in life as my movement will be totally inconsistent, erratic and unpredictable; as such I commit myself to make physical decisions and to walk these decisions – to make the decision to care, to make the decision to consider, to make the decision to be passionate – and not within this need anything more but my decision in order for me to move, motivate myself and walk

When and as I see that I am in terms of making decisions, looking for a particular stimuli as a nice feeling that I can use in order to guide me in life, in making a decision that I will supposedly like, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I can’t obviously trust this particular point moving myself in relation to “what I like” – simply because it’s untrustworthy, and doesn’t have anything to do with what is practical, with is necessary and what is common sense; as such I commit myself to move and apply myself with and as what is common sense – what is practical – what is necessary – what I see must be done – and not move myself according to what I feel and experience

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Day 98: The Pressure of Living

Today I noticed an undefined experience of heaviness within me, and I am in this blog going to go deeper into this experience, define it, and then release it through applying self-forgiveness.

Firstly, naming the game, what is this experience? For those new to the process of working with and investigating the inner workings of the mind, it’s important to understand how important this step is, because if you haven’t defined what you’re experiencing, you can’t deal with it. Thus, what is it that I am experiencing?

I would say that this experience is a form of fear, an underlying and constant experience of fear – and what I can see is that this fear is in relation to the pressure of living in the system – or to be more precise, the pressure I create within myself as fear due to the uncertainty and unpredictability of living in this current world system, wherein my entire world is completely dependent upon one thing to work – which is money.

It’s fascinating to look at how prominent this experience of heaviness is, and how it’s a direct consequence of how we as human beings have designed our world system. What’s even more interesting is that I am in this current world system placed in a fortunate position, which means that I do have a somewhat predictable life, I do have a access to money, I do have access to education, and I’ve been able to place myself in such a position in my life where my future in many ways is predictable, and is so to speak secured. Yet still this experience exists within. Then consider what people are going through that live on the outskirts of the system with absolutely nothing, wherein they do really in-fact face a completely uncertain life each day, where it’s not in anyway predictable whether they will have sufficient with money to buy themselves even the most basic necessities needed to sustain the human physical body.

Just imagine the pressure of living such a life, waking up each morning not knowing whether you’ll be able to eat or not – and look at the consequences this creates in our world – where does all crime originate? Where does so much of the unnecessary violence and harm done on a daily basis come from? It’s all due to our socio-economic background, all coming from the simple point of money and whether we have access to it, or not.

Obviously, in this blog, I am going to push myself to take responsibility for this fear, and this pressure I’ve connected to living in this world system, because the fact of the matter is that we can be in this system, but not of this system – we can walk this world with no fear – we can stand stable and unwavering regardless of what we face – yet to get to this point we require to shed the layers of programming that we’ve allowed ourselves to become subject to, and what I see in my own programming, is that most of my fear comes from what I’ve been taught by my parents – that I must fear the system – I must remain invisible, and hide away in some corner, so that I won’t be detected, and so that I can just live out my life and hope for the best – that I will survive.

The ultimate solution to this point is a new monetary and economic system, wherein all are given sufficient with money, so that this pressure point can’t exist within anyone – and there is a proposal for such a system, which I suggest that you investigate called the Living Income Guarantee.

Unfortunately, we’re not quite there yet, so thus I will walk the self-forgiveness on this fear of living, this pressure, so that I can get myself back into this physical reality – and instead of spending my days in fear instead act to move points, so that we do not require anymore to live in a world system that sucks the life out of existence.

Thus, the first point, as I showed above is to define the particular pattern, name the game, the next point is to ask questions and to within that dig deeper into the point – thus: why is it that I experience this pressure in relation to life in general?

What I see here is that I fear uncertainty, I fear unpredictability, because this implies I have no control – and no control implies that anything can happen – I can’t foresee what is going to happen, and how it is going to happen – and this scares me because I believe I can’t be stable in a position of having no control, which implies that I’ve defined my stability within myself according to how points move in my external world – and I mean in this case that would imply MONEY – that I’ve defined my stability within myself according to how MONEY moves in my world – instead of realizing myself as stability HERE – standing as stability HERE regardless of how the point of money moves in my world, realizing that money is a tool that I can use, but not a point that defines who I am because that is a decision I make.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stability according to money, and to believe that without money I can’t be stable, and to believe that the amount of money I have, the amount of property I own, what career I have, the amount of salary I earn each money, defines my stability – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to define myself as stability, and to as such make the decision to not accept and allow myself as stability to be determined by any external point such as money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I will only fear not having control if I’ve placed some form of value in having control, if I’ve somehow defined myself in relation to having control – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not come to terms with, make peace with the fact that I do not in-fact have control – that this world is unpredictable and uncertain and that reacting to this fact doesn’t in anyway change the situation – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push this point of standing in the system, but not being of the system, realizing that what I do in the system, and in this world doesn’t define who I am – that the amount of money I have doesn’t define who I am – but that I define who I am in each and every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize my relationship with money, so that this is in all ways a practical relationship, wherein I see that I need to have money in this world in order to sustain myself, but wherein money doesn’t define who I am, and that me sustaining myself in this world doesn’t define who I am – but that I instead stand in this world, but not of this world – I walk my career, I walk my points of managing, and earning money – but this doesn’t define me as I define myself here in every moment of breath – I decide who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value into having control, to place value into the feeling of safety and security, and think, perceive, and believe that this particular experience of safety, and security is something that I need in order to be stable here with myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as stability to a feeling – thinking and believing that without me having this feeling of positivity, of feeling comforted, of feeling secure, and hopeful, that I am okay – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this is obviously not so – because the obvious fact is that what I feel doesn’t in anyway correlate to what is real, and what is physical, and what is here – it’s just a feeling – it’s just a experience – and nothing that I am able to trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that what I am able to trust is every moment HERE – is that I am here in this very moment, and that I am able to in this very moment decide who I am, to decide how I live, to decide where I stand, to decide myself; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back HERE in every moment of breath, to realize that only HERE is real – that only this moment here is what I am able to fully trust because it’s in-fact proven that I am here in this moment, which I am able to cross-reference for myself in every breath through being aware of myself interacting with my physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can trust the physical, meaning, that the physical is always here, the physical is consistent, the physical is perseverant, the physical is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, and it doesn’t change – and as such I see, realize and understand that the solution is to practically equalize myself to stand one and equal with and as the stability of this physical reality – because obviously this physical reality doesn’t accept and allow itself to have it’s experience of itself change due to money – but money is simply to this physical a world a matter of practicality and nothing more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stability as having a house, as having a family, as a having certain outcome in this life, as a life path that I can follow – such as for example following in the footsteps of my father – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear anything that is new, to fear anything that I can’t control, to fear anything that I can’t foresee, and to fear making decisions wherein I can’t be absolutely certain on what the outcome of the decision will be; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to exist in fear instead of standing equal and one to and as the physical, equal and one with and as my body, and to live HERE in every moment and not go into fear of living, fear of being here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my life as a constant state of pressure, wherein I feel pressured to live in this world, pressured by the fact that I know that if I do not have money, I can’t survive, pressured by the fact that I know that if I do not have a job, I will not have money, and thus not survive; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself believing that I must experience myself in this pressure, and in this constant of fear – as fearing what might happen – instead of realizing that I can stand stable, clear, and directive in this fucked-up world system – and not accept and allow myself to be influenced by the uncertainty and unpredictability of this world currently functions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into pressure and stress in regards to my school, in regards to my studies, in regards to exams, fearing the point that I don’t have absolute control, and a absolute foreseeing as to how my life will evolve in terms of career, and money as points that flow from my education, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make peace with the fact that control is illusory, that predictability and certainty is illusory, because in this world those things in a absolute level doesn’t exist – they are merely ideas, merely experiences that I’ve defined myself in relation to; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – to take a breath and to stabilize and equalize myself with that which doesn’t exist in fear – which is the physical – which me standing here and living as one breath – walking and dealing with this ONE moment here – and not accepting and allowing my mind to project me into any form of dream or future projection or hope

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into a state of pressure, and a state of fear, as a fear of not having control, and not having a certain outcome in relation to my life, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of wanting to control, of believing that there exists control and certainty in this life – it’s not real – it’s not valid – and that the only point I can in-fact trust is this moment HERE – and the fact that I am here – and HERE I can make decisions – HERE I can direct my life – HERE I can make a difference for myself and the rest of this world – but that can’t happen when I exist in a illusory state of projecting myself in to my future; as such I commit myself to push and discipline myself to remain HERE in every moment of breath and to let go of control – to let go of the feeling of security in relation to money, as feeling that I must have a certain future to be stable – and I commit myself to instead live that stability here in every moment of breath – as a decision that I make

When and as I see that I am going into a state of anxiety, fear, and pressure, because I am worrying about money, and how my future will look like in relation to money – I immediately stop myself, and I see, realize, and understand that I can only work practically with my physical relationship with money in this moment HERE – it’s thus HERE I can walk a point to prepare money for me and make sure that I will be able to sustain myself in this world – it’s thus HERE I can establish skills, and a network for myself so that I can sustain myself in this world – it’s HERE I can work with what is in-fact my life which is this physical real reality; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here to my human physical body and work directly with what is here – and within this see that fear is in it’s very nature – useless

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Day 95: Discipline and Motivation as a Decision

So fMatt-Kenyon-05082011-005ar in this process of self-realization I’ve come to understand that one of the most important characteristics to developed and walk as in one’s daily living in order to bring through real change is discipline – and within that – commitment, steadfastness and focus – to take the bull by it’s horns not only for one day, but for several days, for several months, for several years, for a lifetime – and walk it consistently until change is manifest HERE – only through walking change relentlessly without wavering, and without giving way to excuses and justifications as to why one is allowed to slack, or “take it easy” will real measurable change come around.

This is thus the point I am going to work with today, because recently I’ve come to see that this is a point that I am not applying as effectively as I could, and the consequence of this is that nothing moves, nothing in-fact happens, nothing comes about – and everything just remains the same.

It’s interesting though, that in some aspects of my life this expression of discipline comes through clearly, and this is in particular with my studies and with my work – thus – points that are directly related to money; when it comes to walking the same principle in regards to self-change and world-change – there is not that same drive and motivation – there is really nothing within me that in anyway resembles a initiation and movement – a motivation – looking at the point of in-fact moving myself to bring about a better existence for myself and others there is instead a resistance – a experience of “I don’t want to do it”.

What I am able to see within this is how I’ve limited my expression of myself as discipline to only exist in relation to money, career and personal interests – and within that limited discipline to only come about when I feel there is something that I can get out of it personally – when I feel that there is some type of reward waiting for me at the end that I will be able to enjoy and feel good about.

Though, it’s really interesting – that looking at the point in common sense – it’s obvious that in deciding to walk change there is direct personal rewards – because in in-fact manifesting a reality that is trustworthy, stable and nourishing – this will directly impact on my life – but because there is no energy involved within physically applying this realization as the simplicity of interconnectedness and how in creating for the best of all – this will also mean that I am creating a reality that is best for me as well – it’s not something that I’ve pushed for and walked as diligently that I have the ability to do.

Thus, energy, feelings and experiences of motivation towards particular point is in-fact a limitation, because it gives a very one dimensional picture of what I am creating – because the only point is considered is how I will “feel good” – I will “feel good” if I have money – I will “feel good” if I have the best possible career – I will “feel good” if I fulfill my desires; but the actual physical outflows of the points – the actual physical reality of the point is not considered – and thus – the energies of motivation and ambition are limited and can’t be trusted.

Because, I mean, I will quite possibly feel great if I have the best career possible, BUT – will that imply a actual physical greatness or only that I experience myself as feeling great while the world around me, while my relationship with myself, while this existence is continuously decaying and falling apart right before my eyes? To feel great about something is not the same as walking and acting within a principle that brings forth an outcome that is of real greatness – this is crystal clear.

The skill that I see I need to develop is that of aligning myself with my human physical body, this physical existence, and looking at the outflows of my decisions and my daily living on a physical level – and then within that not needing any form of motivational energy to move myself – because I see in common sense the actual physical outflows of my living and within that I am able to discern what is best for myself as the physical – and because I stand as the physical it’s common sense that I move myself to create that which is best for myself as the physical; no energy needed – no experience – it’s simply common sense – I want what is best for me as this physical world and reality – I want what is best for myself as my human physical body; to require some form of energy to move myself would then be a form of self-abuse as neglecting myself as the physical to do what is best because I do not feel like it – and that is obviously completely absurd and detrimental.

The physical body does not need a feeling of motivation to perpetually day out and in take responsibility for, and make sure that the heart of the body continues to pump blood around in the body – wouldn’t we all be dead if the body one day decided that it required a energy of motivation to continue supporting it’s basic functions? Surely – if the human physical body would have such an ineffective relationship with itself as we humans have towards ourselves in relation to how we decide to act and move ourselves, all humans would’ve been dead decades ago.

The human physical body is really such a cool example of what it means to live consistency, of what it means to act in common sense, looking at what is the best action and not what action I feel the best about – feelings are really nonsense – and even though it feels so good to follow them around, the consequences we create in our world in doing just that are not in anyway worth it – why not instead allow ourselves to create actual and real physical positive outflows? Such as changing ourselves and this world into an existence that is worthy to live in – where we treat each other with respect and dignity – and do not allow ourselves to follow what we feel – but that we instead walk that which is common sense.

There is a undeniable answer to this question – it can’t be argued – I know what is the best for me – we all know what is the best for ourselves – now we simply have to live it into reality – and make our words stand as the principles of our living FLESH or SELF.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is completely ludicrous and detrimental to accept and allow myself to require a energy experience of motivation and excitement in order to move myself to get thins done in my world – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need and require something more than myself for me to make the decision to change myself – to make the decision to each day contribute to my fullest ability to bring into a existence a world and a reality that I am proud of – that I am pleased to live within – wherein I know that each and every point is treated with respect and are valued as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize to what extent that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and create injurious consequences for myself and others in my life – wherein I’ve accepted and allowed myself to downgrade and devalue what is real – what is of actual worth – what is of real substance – which is my physical life – my physical living – this physical reality; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consistently – diligently –with perseverance – push myself to each day contribute to LIFE – to the PHYSICAL – to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need, require and must have a energy of motivation in order for me to move myself to create that which I in common sense see is obviously best for all – is obviously common sense – it’s obviously what I see will have the most positive and real effects for this world as a whole; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to stand equal and one with and as my human physical body – to realize that my human physical body is an example of consistency, steadfastness, perseverance and stability – that my physical body each and every day takes on this physical world – takes on it’s responsibilities without wavering – without fault – without feeling depressed – without feeling helpless – without feeling hopeless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the consequences I am creating for myself by not walking fully – completely – giving myself and this process all that I got – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the consequences is that I am not going to be able to bring forth a new world – that the consequences is that I will set an example unto others of giving up – that the consequences is that I am not going to be able to stand before all of existence – with no shame – when asked question: “what did you do to change the horrendous abuse taking place in this world on a daily basis?”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is obviously no meaning to walk a particular point unless I do it wholly – completely – fully – not accepting and allowing myself to walk it halfway – to just walk it as much as I feel like walking it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push my limits – to push myself to make every breath a breath of creation – a building block of life and not a building block of compromise – self-abuse and neglect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to step up to my responsibility that I hold in this life to create a world that is livable – that is effective – that is not contaminated with abuse, fear, distrust, and disloyalty – but that is a world I am able to be proud over – and that I am able to with complete confidence allow my children to walk into – knowing that they will not be harmed and that they will not be compromised

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand within and as togetherness with a group – willing to together with others create and bring forth a world that is best for all – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught upon in my own self-interest – as me wanting to change by myself – me wanting to impact by myself – me wanting to be special and unique by myself – me wanting to be a change in this world so that I can become recognized and considered famous; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give up my self-interest – and unconditionally stand and walk for world change – for what is best for all – not expecting or wanting anything in return – but doing it because it’s about integrity – it’s about who I am and what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept and allow

Self-commitments

I commit myself to develop, create and live as the word discipline without needing a feeling to motivate me to live this world – and to practice and perfect living this word consistently every day till the end of days – and as such I commit myself to learn from my human physical – and see how effective my body is in it’s daily living – wherein it’s walking consistently – doing what is required and need to be done without a energy – without a experience – simply applying the action of what requires to be done HERE

I commit myself to realize and walk the realization that – there will never come a energy, a motivation, a feeling that I would want to move myself – and that I have to stand as the word movement as myself – and that I must make the decision – and make the decision real through in physical reality living that which I see is best for all – making the decisions that I see are best for all – and within that stop waiting – and making sure that I utilize each and every day to the fullest of my capabilities

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Day 94: Achieving More Than Myself

goalToday I received the grades of a paper that I’d written some time ago, and within that I experienced a disappointment because I felt that the grades wasn’t good enough. Thus, I reacted and defined myself according a point in my external reality and thus I limited myself, believing that I require something separate from me in order to stand within myself – accept, value and love myself – this relates to the character I’ve been walking in recent blogs as the career – money – and survival character, thus I will be looking more closely at this reaction.

Firstly, why did I react in disappointment?

Well, I expected more from myself, I desired to have that top grade because that would mean I am apparently special, a winner, and that I would in the future be able to get a better job. So, in essence – what I am able to see is that my reaction of disappointment is a polarity reaction of the potential experience of success, fulfillment and achievement – a point that I desire to experience in my life.

Why is it then that I desire to experience success and achievement?

I see that this relates to my idea of myself in relation to value, I define my value according to how much I win, how much I am able to achieve in comparison with others – and thus I in-fact make decisions in my life not from a starting point of what is best for me, or best for all, but according to how I can place myself in a position wherein I am able to feel like a winner – which is obviously very limiting to say the least.

Why is it that I can’t allow myself to be satisfied with myself, and accept myself without me being a success and a high achiever “out there”?

I see that I’ve defined the external, “outside there” world as being more than me – somehow that world out there is the only real world that exist and what I think, who I am, that seemingly doesn’t matter in anyway what-so-ever – the only thing that matters is what others think about – and only through becoming someone in the eyes of others will I apparently be able to accept myself.

How come I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to change this, and within that will myself to accept, love, and really appreciate myself?

It’s fascinating – I see it as something that is impossible, apparently I can’t accept myself, love myself, and appreciate myself if nobody else thus it, because seemingly who I am isn’t worth anything, is of no substance and relevance unless there is someone else validating me and giving me some kind of feedback that – “you’re enough” – “you’re the best” – “you can do it

What I want is to change this point so that I can walk in this world but not be of this world – I do not want to have my experience of myself change each and every time I face difficulties in my external world – I instead want to stand unwavering – stable – certain – the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow – being flexible and aware – ready to act – ready to decide – ready to change – ready to move myself – and not in this state of fear all of the time as to what others might or might not think about me; thus – I want to be able to live this life FOR myself in the sense that I make decisions that are best on my own self-honest assessment as to what is best for all – and not according to how I believe I am seen and interpreted by others.

The fact that I react to what grade I receive in school indicates that there is a big problem – this shows that I do not in-fact value and appreciate myself – because if I’d actually valued and appreciated myself UNCONDITIONALLY – I’d simply be stable in receiving my grades – stable and able to see what mistakes I did and then within that simply move myself to correct myself – ABLE – STABLE – UNWAVERING – HERE – EFFECTIVE; thus this is what I commit myself to create myself as in this life – to be able to stand stable regardless of what I face – and to walk through this education as a point of practicality – to get a job in the system from a starting point of practicality – and not see it as something that defines me.

It’s DONE – let’s walk self-forgiveness

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself according to money, to value myself according to grades, to value myself according to what I perceive others think of my, to value myself according to status, to value myself according to how much attention I receive, to value myself according to whether I perceive others like me or not, to value myself according to what job I have – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand unconditional as self-value – as myself – to not accept and allow myself to limit myself through defining myself according to the external points I face in my world – but to stand here – stable – and walk my life from a starting point of practicality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stick with what is practical – to realize that in essence my education is practical – a job in the system is practical – to write a paper is practical – to receive grades on a paper is practical – and thus it doesn’t have to in anyway define who I am – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through defining myself according to what value I perceive I have in the system as money; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sell myself out to money – to sell myself out to “becoming something” – to sell myself out to “being something” – instead of accepting and allowing myself to LIVE HERE – to realize that real life – real expression – real substance – is HERE and is not to be found in money – career – job – excellent grades – but is to be found HERE with and as myself in each and every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give upon myself through giving myself over to money – through giving myself over to the system and accepting and allowing the system to assign me a value, a number, a experience – to assign and tell me who I am; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up within and as myself – take a breath – and state that I am here and that I will not accept and allow myself to in anyway compromise and sell myself out – I will stand and walk here with myself and regardless of where I end up in this system I will value myself – and appreciate myself – and stand by myself unconditionally – I commit myself to not anymore compromise myself through defining myself according to money – I instead stand here for and as LIFE as what is best for all – realizing that I will but be in this system for a while – in this particular position for a while – and this doesn’t define me – because I am HERE as LIFE – and that is not able to be limited and defined through money and position and stature

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through holding unto my relationship with money as thinking that money defines who I am, money gives me value, money gives me reason, my gives me purpose – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for acceptance and love within money – within feeling and experiencing myself as being accepted by the system – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself – to shun myself – to shame myself – to forget myself – instead of accepting and allowing myself to make the decision to value myself – to appreciate myself – and to unconditionally let go of my relationship to the system as believing that this current money system defines WHO I AM – defines WHAT I AM – and thus I commit myself to instead define and create myself in each and every moment of breath HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that what I extent I am accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself when I give myself purpose through money, through thinking that what creates me is the system, that what gives me purpose and meaning is the system – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body and make the decision to change myself – make the decision to anymore be a slave to money but to instead stand self-directed – self-motivated – self-moved here – and not anymore accept and allow my life to be driven – motivated – and directed by me trying to become someone and something in the eyes of the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life in hope of becoming accepted and recognized by the money system – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how I am through giving myself over to money, to jobs, and career – as allowing these points to define who I am – giving up on myself as life – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the commit to be unconditional with myself – to remain innocent in walking in this system as not accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to money – to define myself according to stature – and to define myself according to position – but that I instead accept and allow myself to unconditionally, without purpose, without reason – value and appreciate myself – and to stand as this point regardless of how or where I stand within this current system – and that I as such stand as LIFE – that I am as such universal and not only caught up in my personal life experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of this desire and want to become somebody in the eyes of the system – to achieve a life and a living that is in the eyes of the system considered to be desirable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally accept myself HERE and live myself HERE – and wake up each and everyday stable – consistent – here – standing one and equal with and as the physical – wherein I am not trying and attempting to become more than the physical – I am not trying and attempting to be less than the physical – but that I simply stand HERE – walk HERE – apply myself HERE – and thus I stand here as one breath – as one movement – unified – one and equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back into and as my human physical body – to re-instate myself here with and as my direct physical – to re-integrate myself here and realize that what goes on in my mind as experiences is not real – is not the actual physical expressing itself but is merely what I have accepted and allowed to be the physical – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and within this stop following energy in the mind – stop defining myself according to grades and jobs and careers – and let that entire point go – realizing that nothing will in-fact flow from such a point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that I am able to give myself value, that I don’t require money to give value – that I don’t need somebody else to confirm to me that I am good enough – that this idea that I need another is simply a illusion – is in-fact a excuse for me to not stand up within and as myself – within and as my human physical body and apply myself – and walk myself out of my mind and into and as this direct physical hereness – wherein I am simply here and I walk through my life as the practical points that my life consists of – and not as a state of reaction believing that what occurs and happens in my life must define me; as such I commit myself to stop this pattern of following the mind – following reactions – and believing that I can’t change myself – and I instead commit myself to change – to birth myself HERE as life from the physical and stop this giving up in believing that I am not good enough to accept and value myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I must make the decision, and bring the decision into practical life living – that I do not anymore accept and allow myself to define myself, my existence, and my life according to money, according to career – according to the idea of what a successful life is – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take myself back here to and as breath – to and as my human physical body – and re-instate myself here – walking value as myself here and realizing that when I receive bad grades – that this doesn’t define who I am – that I am here as the physical and that these bad grades are merely a point of practicality that I am able to change and direct

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I value myself according to job, career, money, and future – according to how I perceive myself to be seen in the eyes of the system – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I commit myself to stop compromising myself through giving into and believing that my external reality defines who I am – and I commit myself to instead stand unconditional here in each and every moment of breath – to stand stable and steadfast here and not accept and allow myself to in anyway waver – or react – or become emotional due to money, or due to where I am in the system – neither positively or negatively – I simply walk here practically – I am here

 

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