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Day 343: Taking Charge of Work

It is not necessarily fun or enjoyable to work. In a very real sense, we are slaves to money, and we must work if we wish to survive. From that perspective, work is simply something we must do in order to get to and have time for the good things in life. Usually, the good things would be hobbies, family, friends, partying, traveling, and similar things. However, if we look at the time spent in the various compartments/dimensions of our lives, work is definitely one of the things we do the most. The majority of people spend their entire lives working, and have only a small amount of time left each day to spend on themselves. And when this is the case, it does not make sense to look and relate to work as something we have to get by and move past with as little involvement as possible – because – if we do – we will MISS OUT.

Work, even though we have to do it, it can become a rewarding, challenging and fascinating experience. What I have seen since opening this point up is that when we react to, and define work as only that ‘thing we just have to get through’ – we miss the countless of dimensions that exists within work where we are able to improve and expand. And it does not necessarily have to be about the work, meaning the physical action or actions we are involved within that defines our work. Instead, the the point of expansion can be found in unpredictable places and towards things that we would normally not pay any attention to.

For example, for me, what initially opened up as a challenge, and point within which I could expand, was living the word thorough. And this is because, in my line of work, being thorough is very important – and if one point is missed – this can have big repercussions. When I had mastered thoroughness, what opened up for me was balance, from the perspective that in order for me to be the best me, I had to develop and maintain a balance between leisure time, and time spent working. Recently, what has come up has been the word structure, which I am practicing through making daily to-do lists, following and developing effective routines, and before I begin with something, to slow down, and look at how I can approach the task in the best manner possible.

Though, what I mentioned above, that is only the bigger processes that I have walked. I have also worked with experiences in relation to colleagues, the pressures related to work, expectations that I have placed on myself, desires, inferiority, and more. What I want to say is that, if we are open to changing and developing ourselves to reach and stand as our utmost potential, work is a supreme location to be at – it is where we want to be – because we will face life straight head on – and it is in that face-to-face contact – that we have the opportunity to live – design – and create ourselves.

Instead of reacting to work, we should actively ask ourselves, what is it that I can do expand myself when I am working? Where can I push myself? Where can I develop myself? What can I learn from my colleagues? Where are my weaknesses and how can I turn them into strengths, and how am I able to strengthen my strengths even further?

Seen this way, working becomes something more, it becomes a place of creation, and not merely that place where you go to earn money, to afterwards go home, and only then do what you enjoy to do. Really, we should not have any separation in our lives, where we see one part of our existence as a prison where we cannot do anything but wait till we are released, and another part as our personal heaven where we want to spend every single minute. Regardless of where we are at, we have an opportunity to expand, create, move, and go beyond our limitations. And that must always be a part of our awareness. Hence it should not be our environment that creates us, we should do that, with our decisions, and the words we live.


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Day 294: Why Winning Is A Limitation

Is winning something good? Does winning benefit and support us in our expression?

It is normal to view winning as a positive experience. Winning is something most people strive towards, in various ways. Winning in our career through getting the best job, winning in our personal lives through having the best partner, winning in our education through having the best marks, and so on. Winning is a lifestyle that has become particularly accentuated in our fast paced lives. Though, there is a backside to winning, something that is easily missed or shunned, as the experience of winning is so tempting, exciting, and positive.

I will take an example from my own life which shows that becoming obsessed with, and defining oneself according to the experience winning is in-fact a limitation. It goes back to my years in elementary school. It was easy for me in school and I managed to get comparatively good marks. I was not necessarily the best, however, I was doing good – good enough for me to see myself as a ‘winner’. Then came a big change in my life, as my parents decided that our family was to move to another part of our country. I had to start a new school, and in that, I was now marked according to new standards. In this new school, I did not achieve the marks I had hoped for, and consequently, I went into an experience of feeling like a loser, and being depressed because I did not win anymore. This led me to struggle, fight, and push so that I could move myself forward in school, and get better marks again. To some extent I succeeded with achieving better marks at my new school, and again I went into that comfort zone of feeling like a winner – comparatively good at what I was doing.

Now, some might ask, what is the problem with this? You were quite good at school, had some problems, and then sorted it out, what is the story?

The problem is the fact that my drive, ambition, and push was always defined within the limits of energy and how I felt. I only pushed myself to excel and become better when I felt like I did not match my peers. Only then did it become relevant for me to go through the trials and tribulations to actually expand myself – and that is a LIMITATION. The fact is that, the moment we base our feeling of ourselves through comparison against others, we put a cap on our ability to excel, and expand. We only go as far as is required to feel feel good about ourselves, though not as far as we are able to take it.

Later in my life I decided to study law, and during this period of time I came to realize some important points about learning, self-expansion, and self-creation. I realized that if I want to become really good at what I am doing, I cannot use others as a benchmark. Instead, I must listen to myself, and be self-honest – I must be willing to admit to myself when I am not living to the utmost of my ability and then have the discipline to actively change myself. Having this perspective, studies, learning, work, and career becomes about self-perfection – it becomes about being the best that you are able to be – where there is no comparison – because you do it for yourself. That is also the definition of self-fulfillment – where you fill yourself through challenging yourself, through actively moving forward, through tirelessly looking at where, and how you can push yourself to become more.

Winning as such is a limitation because in making winning the focus you loose touch with yourself and your own potential. In winning, you have to conform to standards of what is considered right, and wrong – however your fullest potential might not even be able to be compartmentalized in such limited words as right, and wrong. Consider for example the work of Bruce Lee. He did not become the best karate or kung fu practitioner – instead he developed his own martial arts where he could express his own unique movements and physical characteristics fully. The same is true with any form of skill or ability that is being developed. To find and realize our full potential, we must do it for ourselves, we must listen to ourselves, and be open to what comes through from within.

The solution to this problem of being addicted to and driven by the desire to win is as such to let ourselves lose. Let go of the hierarchy, of who is the best, and who is the worst, and let us instead look at who we are, and how we can become the best version of OURSELVES. Let us find that innate and deep drive to develop and realize ourselves and make it the quest in all aspects of our lives to find out how much more we be.

Day 276: Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

One point that is missed by many of us, that wish to change a pattern of laziness, or demotivation, into movement, and self-creation, is that we forget to look at the rewards that will come due to such a change that we make. And because of this, the focal point of our decision to change ourselves becomes ‘the problem’ and ‘the ton of shit we must walk through to change’. Thus, when we decide to change, it is important that we clarify for ourselves what the rewards of that change will be; what are we going to get out of changing? What will we be able to create, how will our lives change, and how will the experience of ourselves change?

Why is that then important? Because if you do not establish what you will get out of changing, you will not have that drive, and motivation to keep at it, to keep moving forward, to push through even though it at times might feel hard, and overwhelming. The reward is your carrot; it is the fuel that you inject into yourself that will keep you afloat when you feel like sinking back into a comfortable state of laziness, and apathy. It is in that moment your reward will come up within you, and within that you will be able to see the value you will be creating for yourself if you walk the talk, push through, and realize your decision for yourself.

Hence, before you start your process of self-change, and walking through your established behaviors of laziness and apathy, take a moment with yourself, sit down, and look at what will change in your world when you bring the decision you are about to make into reality. For example, you will now be able to do all those things that you before tended to procrastinate, immediately, and within that you will get more time with yourself, where you will be able to sit back, relax, and with a clear conscience, dedicate yourself to your hobbies. Then, your relationships will improve, because people will now notice your change, and see that you are more dependable, reliable, and trustworthy, and this might also impact on your career and job opportunities.

When you change yourself, you will also be able to stand as an example for others, and show them how it’s possible to redesign, and reinvent yourself, and you can share your story of how you went from a coach potato into actually doing something with your life, to the benefit of yourself and others as well. Because, we need more of these people in this world, we need more people that show others that change is possible, and that we do not have the stick to the limiting behaviors, and routines that we accepted and allowed ourselves to develop as we grew up and came of age. And, we need more people that actually care about themselves enough that they decide to do something with their lives, and push through the difficulties and hardships that might arise as one make a decision to bring an idea into reality.

Thus, remember, when you make the decision to change, you are not only doing it for yourself. You will influence and have an impact on many, and many of those that you inspire, you will probably not be aware of, but within them you are going to create that small burst of excitement, and awaken that slumbering voice, saying: “What if I could change? What if I could become as effective as he/she?” – and being able to awaken that latent urge to expand is an awesome gift that you are able to give.

With this blog I am concluding my series on Creating Movement. I hope you have enjoyed this series of blogs and found some inspiration to start your own process of self-change. I know that it is possible, I have myself been a lazy person, and now I am not – and that was a change that I managed to bring through by following the steps that I have outlined in these series blogs. Becoming a motivated and driven human being is thus not something you must be born with, it can be created, and that is the beauty of life – we can create and bring into reality that which we see is supportive, and remove that which we see is destructive. Laziness and apathy are destructive forces, both on a personal, and existential level, because when there is no drive, and motivation to push forward – how can we create the best possible life for ourselves and each-other? It is simply not possible. As such, get yourself in gear and develop that motivation and drive – we are all able to do this for ourselves.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Day 253: Haunted By My Expectations

Have you ever felt haunted by your own expectations? For me this has been a recurring point in my life for some time, and the pattern basically goes like this. I will create an expectation about how something should, or is going to play out, and then I will begin to stress that the pattern will not play out, or happen the way I wanted it to.

It is a fascinating process to observe, how I in my mind create an idea of what is a good result, and what is a bad result, and the my emotional experience starts turning around trying to avoid the bad result, and get to the good result. A great example of how this pattern comes into play can be found in who I am in relation to my hobbies. Now just recently, I came up with an idea to learn some programming as a side thing, and the purpose within it was so that I could learn to create better websites, which is something that I enjoy to do as a pastime.

Instead of allowing myself to approach this decision unconditionally, and learn some programming, because I am intrigued and fascinated by it, I created some expectations, a particular result that I desired to achieve through learning how to program. And here, the result in my mind, was that I should be able to do awesome websites, and learn to write programming code fluently. And after this thought had arisen within me, a excitement came up within me, and I pictured myself being able to develop and hone this skill into perfection, so that I one day could look back and tell myself, my god, look at how much I learned!

Thus, it is not only the expectations I am haunted by, I am also haunted by a flawed idea of value, were I evaluate my actions on the basis of money/career/result. For example, some days ago I was outside rooting out weeds. When I was in the middle of it I stopped up, and wondered what this project was actually leading towards. Why was I standing here rooting out weeds when there are much more pressing issues to tend to in this world. I thought to myself that I should not be standing here, no, I should instead be out in the world making money on some job, or doing something worthwhile, that have a positive effect on the lives of others. What I can see here is thus that I judged what I was doing, and compared it to an idea of what it means to be valuable, and do great things – and through participating in this pattern within me creating an inner conflict.

What I want to be able to for myself is dedicate myself to a point in my life, for just a moment, without being obsessed with the results, without being focused on the results, and without being focused on what I am going to get out of it. Because, the moment I do view things from this starting point, where I look at whether it is right, whether I will get something out of it, and whether I will achieve a result that is worthwhile, I destroy the innocence of the moment. I limit myself from doing things, because the moment I cannot foresee a positive result – I will question whether or whether not I should continue with the point – and many times I will not.

Thus, as a correction for myself, I will practice doing things without aiming to achieve or create a particular result – thus instead place my attention on what I am doing HERE – the PROCESS of creation that I am walking through, and not the end-point that I hope to reach somewhere out there.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel haunted by my own expectations, and every time I do something, to define it within myself, and try to fit it into my life, in wanting to have a particular result and outcome with what I am doing, and wanting to reach a particular position, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that not only the result is important, but also who I am in the process of creating and building that result – and thus it’s important to remember that life is lived in moments of breath, in moments of creating myself here, where there is no result to achieve per say – but instead a moment opening up here where I have the opportunity to express myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the result-driven mind-set makes me forget to stop up, to take a breath and smell the roses – to realize that life is not a set of hurdles that I must push through as fast as possible – but rather life is a point of continuous creation – where I create in every moment of breath – and thus life is not a result-based manifestation but something that I build in every moment – and within this I see, realize and understand how it’s pointless to chase results, and believe that the experience of myself will change upon reaching these results, because in-fact – everywhere is all time HERE – HERE is everywhere

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that regardless of where I am in life, in what position, in what state, in what times I am here – and this doesn’t ever change – and thus the idea of life as being this linear experience that moves from point A to point B isn’t real – because rather life is a constant expression of myself here – where I walk into different timelines – yet that point of WHO I AM doesn’t ever change – because in every moment I am able to access silence of myself that exists within myself when I stop participating in my mind and instead center myself within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that some things that I participate within here, they don’t have this grand and eloquent purpose, they don’t end up in a productive result, and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that life isn’t supposed to be fit into this economic dogma of time and productivity, and thus I see, realize and understand that life is instead mean to be lived moment to moment, and breath to breath, where no emphasis is placed either on the future, or the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that regardless of how productive, or result driven I am, it will not change the point, that if I don’t learn how to live here, and be at peace with things moving slowly, become comfortable with things not working out as I imagined they would, I am going to live out the rest of my life in a state of stress, and anxiety, and there will always be this feeling of urgency to move forward, because I believe that I am not meeting my production quota, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no production quota, that this only exists in my mind, and that I am creating this idea, and being impulsed with this idea through the current economic system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself when I accept and allow myself to move myself throughout my life in this state of a production-rush – because I will miss things that I in my mind view to be less important – such as caring for my body – such as making proper and nourishing food – such as taking some time off for me to enjoy myself – such as caring for my environment; and thus I see, realize and understand that in order for me to be effective in life I require a balance between things

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself rushing to get things done, to have time to do my so-called important things, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that my view, and understanding on what is important is based on the particular results I achieve, and valued according to a monetary basis – and thus I commit myself to instead stop the rush – and do what is here as a part of me – thus honoring myself through giving myself in that moment to care for my environment, and to walk the particular moment that has opened up and is here fully

When and as I see that I am experiencing a inner conflict within me, because I perceive that I what I am doing isn’t going anywhere, or leading to someplace, or having the results I intended, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it doesn’t make sense to evaluate what I am doing according to results, because some points can’t be measured as a result, as they happen and have their complete value in the moment – and thus I commit myself to see that there is value here in every moment and that it’s about me living and being aware of this value here – and thus I commit myself to live this through practicing slowing down – breathing slower – walking slower – and regardless of what I am doing – do it in the slowness of and as my human physical body – and thus not stress – and force the point forward – but to walk it in the pace of breath

Day 250: Drive, Passion, and Excitement

Drive, passion and excitement – three words that so many of us look for in life, I myself not excluded, which is why todays writings will be dedicated to this point. To illustrate my issues with these words, lets have a look the popular TV-series: Suits.

In suits, which is about lawyers, everyone is working, basically, all the time – and each and everyone is driven forward by the desire for money, the desire for success, and the desire to win. Looking at this description of the characters lives, it does seem like they have a very bleak and colorless existence, though, in the series, the characters are portrayed as having the time of their life. They are working all the time, and exude such a drive, excitement and passion – it looks like working as a lawyer every second of every day is the best thing that ever happened to them, and what they want to continue to do forever.

So, when I look at suits, I have perceived that this drive, passion and excitement can only be experienced in relation to work, within a specific profession – as such believing that what I do defines who I am – and that if I change what I do then this will change who I am as well. Now, it’s a big mistake to believe this because what happens when we do? Well, we have to start running after, searching for, and try to get to that position and point in our lives where we believe we will feel satisfied, where we believe that we are going to find our purpose, and our passion – which in the worst case scenario might mean that we will search forever, until we die, and still not ever be able to find anything that sparks our interest.

Thus, the solution to this problem is to stop searching, stop trying to find – and instead realize that these words: Passion, Drive, Excitement – they can be lived in our personal lives – I can live them in my daily life as Who I Am – And thus not anymore be dependent upon life-circumstances to be the way I hoped and imagined that they should for me to be able to live.

How am I then able to live PASSION in my daily life?

Passion doesn’t have to be a feeling – instead it can be my focus, my dedication, and my complete commitment to what it is that I am doing in this moment – where I pass-it-on. Here I can thus live passion in my physical reality through really getting my hands dirty, and when I do something, be here fully – really do what I am doing – experience what I am doing, be intimate with what I am doing, be involved in what I am doing – which obviously requires me to be here in my physical body.

Further, passion is something that I can live when I am walking a particular point in my life, through doing it to the best of my ability, to want the best possible result and not accept and allow myself to be satisfied with something done only halfway. When I decide to walk a point – I instead commit and devout myself – push to find the best solutions, the best direction, and create the best possible outcomes – that is living passion physically in my daily life.

How am I able to life DRIVE in my daily life?

Drive is basically the same as self-directed movement – it’s when I make a decision to do something, and then I do it, and I don’t only do it to be done, and finished, so that I can move on to the next point – no – drive implies that I do it full on and that I push myself to walk the point as effectively as is possible. Drive is when I don’t accept and allow myself to be satisfied until I know that I’ve pushed myself with what I am walking, and I have given it my utmost attention. That is drive: The willingness to move forward and push for excellence.

How am I able to live EXCITEMENT in my daily life?

Excitement – is it necessary to feel excited, in order to live excitement? No – I don’t see that it is necessary – instead excitement is something that I can live and express through my willingness to commit myself to life, to the moment which I am participating in, the willingness to be here fully and exceed-my-self – basically push myself to be completely involved in this physical moment HERE – and not accept and allow myself to go off in my mind where I think about future playouts, things that might happen, things that might not happen, and so on.

So, this is how I see that I can change these words, and bring them into my daily routine, make them part of my life, which means that I don’t have to become a lawyer, or look like Harvey Spector (main character in the suits) in order to live a fulfilling life – because instead – I create myself as fulfillment – I create WHO I AM and thus within that I define my experience within what I do.

Day 249: Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes

girlinwoods-1080x675Many times when we meet people, we tend to be quick to judge. After a glance, a short conversation, or meeting, we believe that we know who someone is, and we treat him or her accordingly. The fascinating thing however, is that we rarely take time to really understand another person. Obviously, the guy that went out and robbed some old lady did not become a robber overnight – all of our decisions, and the characters we live on a daily basis are created through a process of time and space. We face certain points, difficulties, challenges, or realize aspects about life, and we make changes in our way of living. This is the process of creation all human beings go through, and that is most noticeable during the teenage years.

Now, why do I bring up this point? Because it is important to understand that I was not born lazy, I wasn’t born apathetic, this was pattern I came to create through a process of time and space. I faced certain points in my life; from there I evaluated the information and made decisions that were not effectively aligned to my physical reality. Thus to say that I was just one of those ‘spoiled’ kids that didn’t want to do anything with his life is a generalization, and a simplification, and doesn’t give justice to what actually happened, and is nowhere near laying all the facts on the table. In this blog, thus, I am going to deeper into the fundamental bricks that led me to create a character of laziness and apathy, and primarily focus on the external causes the lead to laziness and apathy, which most of the times origin in the parent-child relationship. Hence, this blog will be of assistance and support for parents and others that can’t understand why their child, or someone in their life, is lazy, and indifferent.

Lack of responsibility

A friend of mine once told me that: “When you create something, you must give it responsibility”. This is very true, because without responsibility, you cannot grow or expand as a human being – without responsibility none of your actions have consequence, and regardless of what you do, it doesn’t feel as if it is for real. This is a mistake that a tremendous amount of parents do – they are afraid of giving their children responsibility, and this in turn creates consequences, which happened to me when I was a child.

Now, giving responsibility does not imply trying to control your child to do what you want – it doesn’t imply that you must threaten your child to follow through on their commitments. Giving responsibility implies a process of education, where the child or teenager learns to see and understand the nature of consequence and how this is something we create through our actions and inactions. Most parents are not sufficiently trained to educate their children in how consequences are created, and due to this they will attempt to develop conscience and responsibility in their child utilizing manipulation, fear and rewards. Unfortunately, these methods does not direct the origin of the issue, which is that the child haven’t formed an ability to understand the role they play in their environment, and how their life affect the lives of others.

Thus, what I have found in my research into laziness, and apathy, is that one of the primary causes of this behavioral dysfunction, is lack of responsibility, or rather, a lack of understanding responsibility. In my case this was a pattern that developed due to how my parents saw me, and in turn treated me – and basically they never gave me any responsibility of my own. No matter what I did, in the end, I always did it for someone other than myself – and my motivation to do it was so that I would not get punished, or so I would get a reward – hence not because I actually understood what I was doing.

It is clear that I can’t blame my parents for this, because my parents were not shown this area of child education by their parents. In-fact most people do not grow up until they get children of their own. Only then they realize their responsibility towards their environment, and are basically forced to snap out of any tendency to slack or be lazy. Though this can all be avoided through making sure that we give responsibility to our children – which basically entails seeing and making them equal to ourselves – were we give them charge of a certain point and then assist and support them to walk through the point and in that grow, and realize their interconnectedness with other parts of life.

Affluence

If you take a look at the first world countries, and the teenagers in these countries, and compare them to teenagers living in developing countries, you will many times notice a fascinating difference. The youngsters growing up in a developing country are oftentimes more mature, self-independent, self-reliant, and strong – have a goal set in mind and are daily motivating themselves to create their goal. This is maturity that very few teenagers, and youngsters acquire in the more affluent first world countries – and the cause of this is: Our relationship to money.

Taking myself as an example, I grew up in a family where all I had to do was point at something, and eventually I would get it. There was no effort, no movement, no willpower required for me to get what I wanted, what I wanted just came to me. Obviously my parents had good intentions, though the consequence was that I formed a misaligned relationship to self-creation and the point of building a life for myself in this world. Deep within me I formed an idea that things would just come to me, that my major life decisions would just be made for me, that my life would just easily flow forward, and become what I wanted it to become, without any effort, willpower or drive on my side. Undeniably, this is not how things work in actuality.

Though, I am not saying that children must be deprived of money, and that they have to work for their money to understand what money is and what role it plays in relation to self-creation. What I am saying is that most parents neglect the important point of early on showing their child the effort that is required to create your own path in life in relation to career, education, and other survival points – and why it is important to create a life for yourself. Due to this, children grow up oblivious of the tough reality that awaits them when their time in school is over, and because they are so used to get everything they want to, they do not have the skill of self-disciplined movement that is required to create something extraordinary.

Hence, when the parent steps in too much, and doesn’t assist and support the child to develop their own understanding and relationship to creation, money, career, and movement in the system – a consequence that forms is laziness, apathy and indifference in the child. This is what happened to me, and many of my friends – we simply did not have clear understanding of what is required to create for ourselves a supportive and enjoyable lifestyle in this world.

Lack of freedom

Another important aspect of how laziness and apathy is created, which also, most often, stems from the parent-child relationship, is lack of freedom. This point couples closely with lack of responsibility, though it is slightly different. The freedom I look at here is the freedom to make decisions, the freedom to make the wrong decisions, the freedom to choose your life, and what to create with it. Obviously, here, I am not saying that its supportive to just stand by and watch while someone is clearly abusing or creating severe consequences for themselves – it is instead important to step in and assist and support through sharing insights, and realizations than trying to force a change in the child.

In my own life, I didn’t have much freedom of my own – the simple reason being that my parents wanted to control most dimensions of my life. In particular they wished to control my plans for the future, my way of interacting with the world, my morals, my values, and my thinking processes. The consequence of this was that I in my teenage years went through the usual state of rebellion, where I basically started to create many consequences for myself, just to show my parents that I indeed had my freedom – that I was in control. And one of the points that I used to portray this apparent freedom of mine, was to show to others how I didn’t care about anything – how I was totally free from the control of others – apathy and laziness was thus a way for me to reject the adult world and achieve my freedom of choice.

The problem here is obviously that trying to live freedom in this way is very consequential, and it’s not even real freedom – what I lived out was more an attempt to SHOW others that I was free. Though was I then free to begin with? When my starting point was to prove to others that I was free? So, what is missing in the parent-child relationship, and what must be created for the child to not feel that they have to rebel in order to feel free, is that the child must be given the freedom to create their own lives from an early age. This freedom must entail, the freedom of making mistakes, the freedom of being different, and the freedom of not being/thinking/living like the parents.

Summary

In this blog I have investigated and shared some of the external causes of laziness and apathy in people. These causes are primarily found in the parent-child relationship and basically have the same origin point: The child is not assisted and supported to develop and nurture their own individual expression. Laziness is on a deep level a protest, a way of saying that, it doesn’t matter what I do, because someone is going to step in and make me do differently anyway. This is obviously a misconception, because as adults WE DO have the power to create our lives – but our childhood reminiscences have more power than what we are aware of – and there are many that can remain for an entire lifetime in a character of laziness and apathy. It doesn’t have to be this way, and in this series of blogs I am eventually going to walk through the process of correction, that will assist and support anyone stuck in a laziness-character, to step out of laziness and into self-movement.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Day 219: Programmed to be indecisive

Indecision – indecision – indecision – that’s my word of the day and consequently this blog will be dedicated to opening up this point – so far I’ve been quite hard on myself for over and over again going into a state of being indecisive, pulling back on decisions, changing decisions, not following through on decisions – and being generally irresolute in my stance with regards to certain particular points in my life – one of those being MY PURPOSE – that other being CAREER – both are points that I’ve struggled with – not so much because I’ve had a lack of ideas as to what I am going to do – rather because I’ve gone back and forth – not ever feeling very self-assured in the point that I decided to walk.

So, today I found one of those fascinating things and this assisted and supported me to open up this point – and that is a zodiac birth chart – the science of the horoscope – and what really blew my mind was how specific the readings were from these charts. Some of my most idiosyncratic behavior traits were described and laid out clearly – and I’m going to make a couple of quotes from the text here.

“Weaknesses: a changeable and diffuse nature. Wastes energy by doing too many things. He lacks persistence in achieving set goals.”

“Many people with this position of the Sun have gained quite a bit of knowledge in their lifetimes, but they don’t often possess specialized knowledge. This is because Geminis have relatively short attention spans. Restlessness is especially common with this position of the Sun.”

“Weaknesses: lack of follow-up of ideas, indecision, goes back on decisions.”

So – obviously I’m able to see that this fits too well in on my character – especially the point of dipping my toes in too many points, going for too many adventures, trying to walk too many dimensions – which creates this experience of me being scattered, and all over the place – consequently not ever getting to a deeper knowledge and understanding in anything that I do.

Thus – a point that I see that I must practice for myself is to be more decisive, and structured – to create a life-path for myself that is more condensed and concentrated – to rather place my focus and attention on a couple of things and do them effectively – than to spread my attention all over the place and waste myself in trying to do it all – which is a tendency that I’ve seen coming through in many ways.

Particularly during my teenage years and early twenties I would move from point, to point, always trying to find and do something new – studying law and remaining with this topic is actually one of the first things that I’ve stuck with for an extended period of time. Usually I would be moving to yet another interest at this point – though I won’t accept and allow myself to do that this time – instead I will specify my decisions – and make sure that I’m clear on my purpose – and that I place my time into a couple of points – and that I walk them effectively and specifically.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be indecisive – and irresolute with regards to decisions that I make – and plans for my future – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shift easily – to move into another direction in a heartbeat – and to have difficulty remaining with one point – and walking with one point – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can change this point through practicing sticking with my decisions – walking my plans – and being patient and persistent in my daily application – and condensing my activities and pastimes to not be so overzealous and all over the place – but rather practical, realistic and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I dip my toes in too many things, too many ventures, too many directions – I’m going to cause myself to do all of them rather badly – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and calm myself down when I notice I go into a high – of looking at various prospects and future potentials – as to where I could go – and instead stick with my plan – stick with my decision – stick with the path that I’ve laid out for myself – and walk it – and only change it when I notice that it isn’t practical or effective anymore – thus become more stable in my daily living and application and stop wondering around in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deliberately push myself to make my life more condensed and concentrated – and to realize that when I put my time into a few points – but I walk those points effectively – I will be able to get more out of them – and I will be able to give more to others – and I will be able to produce effective results that can’t come when I become scattered and distracted and move myself in all kinds of directions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not condense and sectionalize my life – to place down on a paper before myself the points that I am walking and directing myself within – to place down on a paper where it is that I’d like to go with each of these points – what it is that I’d like to create – and within this remain realistic and not take on too much – not try to do too many things – but instead remain practical – remain with my breath and my human physical body – and dare to live a condensed and concentrated lifestyle that is grounded – where I place my time into a few things – yet I do these few things effectively and specifically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to stabilize myself and my life I require to discipline myself to be more grounded – because I’ve an pre-programmed inclination to be indecisive, to be scatted and diffuse, and to move from point to point – and thus to assist and support myself – I require to deliberately make my life condensed and concentrated and grounded into practical living applications – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to make commitments to walk and give my attention to certain points and aspects in my life – and in that have the courage to walk through the fear of missing out on other points in my life

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into and as a state of indecision, and wanting to fall back on a decision, and a plan that I’ve made for myself, that I see is effective, and that will work for me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this is my pre-programming attempting to take me for a ride and veer my off path – and thus I commit myself to in that moment breath through the fear of missing out, and the feeling energy of excitement, and exuberance, that comes with fantasizing and creating a new future – and ground myself – through speaking with myself the plans and decisions I’ve made for myself – the focal points I’ve determined for myself in my life – and continue to walk this – and ground into and become comfortable with routine and consistency and sticking with my guns