Tag Archives: freedom

Day 383: Structure – A Key to Freedom

Structure – the word I have been practicing in my life now for a while. I thought it would be a good idea to share some of my findings and insights when it comes to living structure.

Initially I related the word structure to schedules, almanacs etc., and did not view the word as particularly useful in any other context. I also felt that structure was something that limited my creative expression – and that it took away freedom. Thus I have had a bit of a conflictual relationship with the word. Similarly I have had to walk a process to be able to walk in this current money system without reacting towards it – and feeling like the stiff structure and routine of the system pulls me down into a state of too much structure.

At this stage however I feel comfortable with the word – and as I walked the process of understanding it and integrating it into my life – I have realized that structure is everywhere and that is supportive. I have seen that having a structure allows for self-directed creative freedom, while having complete creative freedom without a structure invites lack of direction, loss of overview/focus/movement; it becomes expression without a foundation – and in most cases the results are not good.

Let us take the example of cooking. If I start to cook without a structure – for example – I just haphazardly mix the ingredients and I decide to roast them all in the oven for the same duration of time – I will not be able to create an effective meal. Cooking is a perfect example of a physical expression that rests heavily on a structured foundation – the physics of taste/texture/nutrition – and yet – it is an expression that allows for a wide array of experimentation and creative freedom.

It is the same with music. If I am unfamiliar with the instrument or musical theory it is going to be very difficult for me to improvise or compose my own songs. And sure, I will have complete freedom to play the instrument in any way I desire, but what is the use of that if I am not able to create pieces of music that I enjoy? With a basic structure, knowledge of the instrument and the notes it can produce, it is going to be different. I can now create melodic music yet still be creative, explore and investigate what new sounds and expressions I am able to produce.

Thus, used rightly structure does not quell creativity – it instead supports and enhances it. However there has to be a balance. Too much structure will lead to rigidity. Structure is in its nature predefined, constant, and impermeable to whims of the moment. Though oftentimes it is those spontaneous outbursts that bring through the flavor, the individuality, the joy and pleasure. Thus structure in itself is not the aim – it is the means. It is a stable support from which I am able to move into new expressions and experiences – the ground that I am able to get back to when I have lost myself in the boundlessness of creative freedom.


Day 368: Making the Decision to Change

I looked at a documentary by Louis Theroux recently called the Dark States (find a preview here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCClVhtJY5w) about heroine addiction. Louis Theroux follows a couple of persons around for a period of time. Among these people are several heroine addicts and a recovered heroine addict. From listening to these people it was clear that heroine addiction is a very difficult addiction to break. It is tied up with not only mental pain but also severe physical withdrawal pains. Of the people that decide to go into recovery treatment only about 10 % are able to fully move away from the clutches of the addiction.

At one point Louis Theroux asks a interesting question to the recovered heroine addict. He asks, what is the difference, why was he able to do it and not the others? The recovered addict explained that the costs of his addiction exceeded the pleasure he received and that is when he decided to quit. He also explained that his decision was complete and that he was willing to do whatever required to get through – and he did not think two times about it – there was no doubt – he was certain.

The present addicts were asked the question if they did not want to quit as well. Their answers lacked clarity. Some said that they wanted to quit some day. Others said that it was too difficult to quit – there were too many side effects. One addict said that he liked the drug addiction and that he did not want to quit. What was common among them was that there was no clear decision. Rather, they looked at themselves in relation to the addiction with complacency and defeatism – they had already given up on themselves.

Comparing the recovered addicts with the present addicts I saw that the difference between them had to do with their decision. The recovered addict had a clear and final decision – he decided to change and to do EVERYTHING in his power to reach his goal. The present addicts had not made a decision at all. They were still following their addiction and could only give voice to a desire to quit, or in some instances, were only able to justify their abuse, thus having suppressed even the desire within them to move beyond their current lifestyle.

The DECISION – whatever we want to achieve – the clarity, strength, and power of our DECISION is very important to the outcome. It is also about sticking to that decision – being willing to go through whatever it takes to get to the final destination – hence – PERSEVERANCE. However in a sense – our willingness and determination to stick to our decision is also related to the quality, the depth, and the clarity of our decision. If we decide upon something WHOLLY with our complete being, body and mind – understanding why we do it, and what we are willing to do to achieve – then our decision will assist and support us to move through the difficult times.

Personally I have never had to recover from a heroine addiction, thus I cannot know what any of these people that were covered in the documentary goes through. Though I have made a couple of life altering decisions myself – one of them being to get an education and move into a particular career path. I made that decision and I have now walked this decision for almost 7 years. For me, what stands out with regards to the decision I made, was the certainty I experienced myself. I was clear on what I wanted – I understood WHY and saw the GOAL – and I knew where I wanted to go. Compared to other decisions that I have made, where I have fallen, this has been the main difference.

In seeing this documentary I have become inspired to investigate a couple of points that effect me negatively, where I have made some decisions to change, though where I have eventually fallen back on my decisions. And I am able to see, that in a way, these decisions have not been made with my FULL intent and my ENTIRE being. Thus – what I want to practice is to start making decisions that stand – decisions that I make completely and that I then stand by and walk them through into completion and physical manifestation. I see that me acquiring such a skill of decision making will assist and support me a lot in life – and empower me as an individual.


Day 359: Work and Career, a Matter of Passion or Money?

Work, it should be fun, or should it only be a way to make money?

If we look back in history, the notions of loving work and following your passion (in relation to career) and finding your life purpose are modern inventions, concepts that have become marketed extensively with the raise of spiritualism. The spiritual teachings, which most of them are centered on attaining experiential freedom/joy/bliss, have for a long time been stipulating how important it is for us to follow our desires, especially when it comes to making an income for ourselves. However, there is a big problem in this way of viewing the world. Work, career, and physical labor, are physical conditions, physical experiences, for which you require certain physical prerequisites to complete and be a part of, such as for example being endowed with a particular body type, or having access to certain tools, or having a certain nimbleness to your mind. Different type of jobs and careers have different requirements, though, this is not considered or looked at when the spiritual approach is utilized.

The spiritual outlook hones into how we FEEL about a certain work or career, and it does not take into consideration the PHYSICAL. This creates many problems, one of them being the mindset of ‘not knowing what to do with one’s life’ that is becoming increasingly common in young people. It is not rare for the modern youth to wait until they are 30 or 35 before they decide on a direction for themselves when it comes to money and survival. If we look back a 100 years ago, that was very unusual. Obviously, back then, we did not have as much personal freedom, or as many opportunities and choices as we do now, and that must play a part in why many young people today experience it more difficult to make a decision for themselves on what they are to do with their life. AND, what exists today, that did not exist a hundred years ago, is the idea that we are supposed to pick a career based on how we feel.

Back in the days it was normal to take on the craft of your father. Probably not because the youths found it particularly enjoyable, but because it was practical and ensured their survival. Deciding on your future was a lot more SIMPLE, because there was no abstract and vaguely defined concepts, such as ‘following your passion’ in the way of making a solid, grounded and practical decision.

Hence, if we look at career and work, and making a decision with regards to these points, what is of PRIMARY importance is that the decision is PRACTICAL. Why? Because we live in a practical world. We do not exist in a spiritual world and thus it does not make sense to base decisions that will be experienced in a physical world on spiritual ideas and concepts. Doing that would be similar to trying to answer your exam in physics using religious discourse. Hence, PRACTICALITY, that must be the overarching principle that our decision is based upon, because if it is not practical, then it will not work or it will work poorly – simple as that.

And in the context of career and work, what would constitute a practical decision? One important aspect is COMPATIBILITY = We must be able to physically handle and direct the responsibilities involved with the profession we decide upon. A tailor must be able measure, know basic math, follow schematics and preferably have well developed ability of using the mind to look at geometrical structures, shapes and forms, and look at what steps must be taken to achieve such shapes in the physical. Further, it would not hurt if the tailor also have a stylistic sense and artistic talent, so that he or she can see what colors, fabrics and shapes fits to a particular persons bodily design. If those prerequisites does not exist in the person that strives to become a tailor, that person will with certainty face notable inner conflicts in developing those skills, or fail in the profession of tailoring. Hence, for a person that do not possess such skills – it is NOT practical to decide to become a tailor.

Another important aspect is MONEY. It cannot be debated that we live in a world where life is at the behest of money. Our survival, and access to creature comforts such as clothes, shelter and food, they are all dependent on MONEY. Hence, it is PRACTICAL that our career is a way in which we are able to make MONEY – and depending on our preferences with money – more or less money – however we must be able to sustain ourselves. If it is not possible to earn money on the career we want to pick – it is NOT practical. I have seen many that pursue the profession of their dreams and sacrifice access to comfortable living conditions in order to do it. Though that is not practical, it is not what is best, because in order to live effectively and support ourselves and our bodies, we must have access to comfortable and dignified living conditions.

It is first when the career we are looking deciding upon have passed this test of practicality that we can look at if we LIKE or ENJOY the profession in question. And yes, this is obviously not preferable, but in a world where our survival is linked to access to money, where we must make sacrifices to live effectively, it is the way in which we must look at work. Many times, the aspect of enjoying a profession is a plus on the side, something that might be there, or it might not – if it is – then cool – though if it is not – it is not alone of such weight that we should change the direction of our career.

Looking at money and career from this PRACTICAL perspective makes things SO MUCH easier. Because then we do not glorify career and work, we do not believe or see it as a way of living and expressing our passions, our pure and unconditional joy – it is instead a way to survive – and that is it. We stop trying to chase an idea, get back to reality, and make our decisions according to what is here – hence – no inner conflict – because we stand EQUAL and ONE with what is HERE as this physical reality as how it currently functions and operates.

Lastly, I want to point out that, even though our decision when it comes to career and money must be primarily based on what is practical – it does not mean that we are not able to expand and develop ourselves within our profession. And further, it does not mean that must make work about survival – as we are able to stick with our ideas as to what we want to do and create – and slowly incorporate it into our career and move ourselves into a direction where we see we are able to express an ENJOYMENT in our work – without compromising the PRACTICALITY of our lives. It is all about WHO WE ARE within what we do – and if we want to – we can expand, push and move ourselves, regardless of our position in this world.


Learn more about this way of living:

Day 343: Fear of Loosing My Freedom?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define thinking, imagining, fantasizing, as freedom, to think that it is through using the mind that I am able to be free, and that it is through the physical that I am stuck

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming stuck, locked into, and defined by the physical, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, giving up the mind and embracing the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up fantasies, in the fear that I will become limited

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up thoughts, projects, and imaginations, in fear that I will become limited without them, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to believe that I can be dis-empowered by the physical, and that the mind empowers and strengthens me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear silence, quiet, and darkness, to fear being without a constant chatter within me, where I look at things, believing that it is freedom, to constantly move around within and look at different things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is freedom, freeing, and fulfilling, to constantly be busy with things, and believe, that the busier I am, that the more fulfilling, enjoyable, and great my life is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my mind in the belief that my mind makes me free – and that my mind makes me flexible – and that I would die, shrivel, and loose my vitality without constantly being in my mind, and using my mind to think about things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up and stopping my tendency to think about, imagine, and fantasize about the future, in fear that I will limit myself, and confine myself, and loose the experience of freedom that I feel I am having when I am participating in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being earthed is being isolated and locked down – that it means that I cannot express myself – that I cannot look at things or expand – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate expansion, looking, movement, freedom, with my mind, instead of living these words as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back from living freedom

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate freedom with looking at my future in my mind – looking at what I am going to do next – looking at my opportunities – looking at what might arise and come into my life next – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – bring myself back here – and see, realize and understand, that freedom as a real expression – does not yet exist in this world – that freedom is something to be created on a global level through changes in the world system – and that freedom does not mean being able to fantasize about things in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel secure when I am able to fantasize about what is going to happen in the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable and at ease when I imagine and fantasize about my next move in the future – and to believe that existing and expressing myself HERE is a prison – because then I am not able to visit far away places in my mind – then I am locked down and defined within my body to only be here – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I do have the potential of living and creating myself as the word freedom – that this is nothing I need to wait for – and that living the word freedom in the physical is a lot more powerful than only experiencing it in my mind

When and as I see myself going into future projections – and I feel comfortable/at ease/free – I take a breath – and I stop myself and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that real freedom is freedom lived and experienced in the PHYSICAL – not an experience – not a thought – real freedom is something that cannot be imagined – and thus I commit myself to instead of thinking about freedom in my mind – practice CREATING real freedom in my life – through living FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION – which is a real and substantial freedom that I am able to grant myself

Day 287: When a NO is more of a YES

Walking the Desteni process you get to learn how to stop your mind; for example, how to stop anger, irritation, fear, etc. In my own process I have enabled myself to stop various forms of thoughts, experiences, and other type of mind related points. Mostly, I have done this through stating ‘STOP!’ Or ‘NO!’ within me as the mind point arise. However, there are certain points that I have had difficulty with and that still at times pester me. These points have in common that my ‘NO!’ does not seem to have any effect. I will say ‘NO!’ inside of me several times, yet nothing happens, nothing moves, it is as if I have rather said ‘Okay!’ inside of myself.

When this happens it indicates that the ‘NO!’ is not clear and absolute. It indicates that there still is some form of hidden self-interest lurking in the background. In having this hidden self-interest I will then corrupt my NO statement, and sneak in some silent YES statements. The YES statement does not necessarily have to be expressed in the mind – it can come up as this underlying and deep movement of resistance. It will feel like I am not completely present in my body – an experience of resignation.

Thus, when this happens, I have found that it is important to locate the hidden point of self-interest. The self-interest will vary depending on the mind point. For me I have seen that my difficulty in stopping certain anger reactions has been because I held unto the self-interest of wanting division of labor and responsibilities to be fair and just. And I have seen that my problems with changing fear and social anxiety has been related to the self-interest of wanting to protect myself, and feel in-control in social contexts. And fears with regards to job, career and money has several times been connected to the self-interest of wanting to be in control, and secure more money for myself to feel safe.

The key to being able to stop the mind is to get to the point of standing as a clear and absolute NO – and to embrace a clear and absolute NO there cannot be any self-interest still existing within self. Jesus said that a house divided against itself cannot stand – and the same principle applies within us. If we state NO yet we do not back that statement fully – we will not stand. The reason for a division within self is because there are parts of self not yet investigated and directed – hence the importance of self-introspection and writing. In getting to know all of our own secrets, we empower ourselves to make a clear and absolute decision as to who we are – and that makes all the difference.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I have a difficulty in stopping myself and saying – NO – and living that NO – then there is a hidden self-interest that I have not yet opened up and directed – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize writing and self-forgiveness to open up and direct all points of self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto self-interest when it comes to unfairness, when I feel that I am doing more work than others, and thus through holding unto this self-interest, disable myself from effectively stating NO and stopping anger and frustration coming up when I feel that I am doing more than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a self-interest of me doing less than or equal to others when it comes to physical labor and caring for other responsibilities – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to do more than others – and to not want to commit myself and my time to helping and assisting others – feeling/experiencing that it is ‘my time’ and that I as such have primary importance – in that I should be allowed to do what I want with my time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize anger as a way of complaining about me feeling that the division of labor is not fair and equitable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the division of labor and responsibilities to be equitable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to put in more effort – but only give as much as is needed – the smallest amount possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to push, create and move points, so that they work, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to make them the best that they can be – and give that extra effort to move the point into a state of perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist pushing for perfection, because I feel that it is not worth the effort, and thus be content with mediocrity – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be content ‘when things work’ – instead of pushing myself to make things work excellently – and only then – when things are in optimum condition – having reached their fullest potential – accept and allow myself to be content with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to closely watch others and the amount of physical work and activity they put down into their responsibilities – so that they will not trick me so that I get to do the brunt of the work – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this state of policing – where I attempt to make sure that all responsibilities are divided equitably and fairly – and that no one gets to do more than another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as an example of pushing myself to do that little extra that makes a point of creation excellent – perfect – and something to be proud over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally push myself to contribute to my life and others in my life – through giving my responsibilities and commitments my utmost attention – and pushing them to perfection – hence not accepting and allowing myself a point to be only ‘good’ or ‘working’ – but instead pushing for the point to be perfect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist working and taking care of responsibilities – because I feel that others have done less than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify giving into laziness and apathy through thinking that I have already done enough – and that now it is time for others to step up and do their part

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify doing the least amount of work through thinking that others are doing the same and that I am no worse than what they are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to release this self-interest within me of wanting to do as little work as is possible – and instead embrace the point of pushing myself in work and physical labor – to through that create value for myself as well as others

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into wanting to avoid work because I feel that I have already done enough, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this pattern of wanting to do the least amount possible is not best for me, neither best for others, and is creating the dynamic of competition – where each one only want to do the least amount possible – and trying to divide the work equitably – yet always there will be the feeling that someone gets to do more than another – thus I commit myself to embrace work, and responsibilities – to push myself to take them to perfection and not fear/resist taking on more than others – understanding that I create value for myself and others through my movement – and that I stand as an example for others in my decision to move

When and as I see myself policing others, because I want to make sure that they do the exact same amount of work as I do, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this state of policing brings me into a mindset of looking at what others are doing, instead of looking at what I am doing, and how I can contribute, and how I can support myself and others – thus entering into a state of competition – instead of remaining within a state of creation – thus I commit myself to place my focus on me and what I create – what I contribute with – what I give and how I am able to support and bring through that which is supportive and best for all

When and as I see myself feeling that it is unfair, or unjust, that others seem to be doing less than me, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this feeling, that it is unjust, that it is unfair, that it is not right, that this experience is not supportive for me in my self-creation process and in me building and creating my life – instead my focus becomes trying to make sure that everyone is doing the exact same – instead of looking at what I can do that will support/bring through what is best for all – thus I commit myself to push myself to give more – to work more – to act more – to not look at what others are or are not doing – rather focus on what I can give and do for myself as well as others in my life

Day 285: Grounded In My Responsibilities

One thing that I am really good at is being creative, imagining things, experimenting, finding new ways, and finding solutions to problems. It is a skill that I have developed through my life and that has also been inherent since birth – I have always been this way. Now, this skill, of being flexible and fast in my thought processes also has a downside – and this is hence a weakness that I have had through most my life – the ability to remain grounded and steadfast.

An example of how this polarity plays out is the following. During my weekends I have several responsibilities to attend to. Most importantly is cleaning, and then also tending to the chickens at the farm where I live. Though, what tends to happen is that my imagination starts running, and I concoct several other things I would also like to do; projects I would like to complete, things I would like to build, stuff I would like to investigate and research, etc. I then tend to become worked up about my imaginative ideas, which seem to be so much fun, and then my attention/focus go to these. What consequently happens is that I am not sufficiently grounded/stable in my reality, and because of this I forget responsibilities, I down prioritize things that are important and that should be given priority, and I become absent-minded and forgetful.

The problem as such is that I am not enough grounded in my physical body, not sufficiently steadfast in sticking with my responsibilities, which leads to unwanted consequences. Hence, what I want to change with myself is this point of me accepting and allowing myself to become carried away in imaginations and future plans – and replace this tendency of dreaming myself into states of exhilaration with a stability and sense of being grounded in my physical body. In order to be effective in this life I require having a balance – thus it is no solution to be constantly grounded in the physical, and never accept and allow my imagination to run, to see what possibilities there are for expansion and movement, and it is no solution to be constantly imagining new things, starting new projects and not following through on them.

Imagination and inner projection can be useful when they are self-directed, and when they do not get in the way of my responsibilities here in the physical. Thus something that I can practice, is for example, to give myself a moment each day where I ask myself the question: “Okay, what can be improved, what can be expanded, what is it that I can create in my life that would be of benefit?” – and then otherwise throughout my day, as I am tending to my responsibilities, to practice remaining grounded in the physical, and present with what I am doing. That way I will be able to create a balance in my life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overly active in my imagination, where I create these grand plans, and projects, and I feel really exhilarated, not seeing, realizing and understanding that when I compromise my already existent responsibilities, projects, and commitments when and as I accept and allow myself to exist in a state of constant projection, imagination, and forward motion towards something different than what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice being grounded and steadfast in my decisions, projects, plans and responsibilities, to push through the temptation of imagining other things I could be doing, or other things I could be experiencing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is for me to embrace repetition, and routine, and understand that these words are an important part of creation in this physical reality – that to build and create something – one have to walk the same or similar actions many times over until the point that one wants to create stands here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that being grounded here in the physical in itself offers opportunities of discovery, and adventure, where I can for example notice new things, or develop my skills in what I am doing in that moment, become more specific, and expand myself in someway or another, which I would not have been able to do if I instead was in my mind dreaming – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as a physical being – understanding that exhilaration, adventure and excitement are words that I can live within exploring and walking this physical reality here – and that I do not need my mind to stand as and walk my life within and as these words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to dreaming and imagination, and believe that this is the only way I can experience exhilaration, and excitement – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not experiment with living excitement and exhilaration in my physical reality with my physical body – to see how it is that I can experience these words for real and not just as energy in my mind

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into imagination, projections, and a inner excitement, exaltation, because I can create things in my mind, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow myself to venture into the realm of imagination, I forget what is here, and I do not pay sufficient, and enough attention to what I am doing here in the physical, which leads to me compromising responsibilities, and commitments – and thus I commit myself to remain grounded, physical and steadfast when I am walking through my day – to practice walking with one feet in-front of the other and being aware of every step and movement that I make

I commit myself to take time each day to sit down and look at what I can do with my life, with myself, and the resources I have at my disposal, to as such, each day push myself to expand, and see where I am able to create and expand myself and my reality – and hence I commit myself to direct this process of imagination and inner creation – and thus not accept and allow it to simply happen now and again – when I am not in control – and not specific about what I am doing in my mind

I commit myself to create a balance between imagination/projection/creating my future – and living HERE in the physical – understanding that when I accept and allow myself to venture into imagination-mode while I am doing things here in the physical, I will compromise myself and the moment that I am walking, because my focus and attention will be elsewhere – and hence I commit myself to be specific within myself when I accept and allow myself to go into ‘future-creation’ mode – to create it within myself as a decision and do this in moments when I am not compromising my relationship with this physical world

Day 281: The Hell of Helping

helpLast week I had one of those days at work where things just pile up. Without any warning I had to take on a lot of work that was redirected from other parts of the organization due to certain events. In my mind, this constituted a moment of ‘helping’ that other part of my organization – and because of that some interesting things opened up within me with regards to the word ‘helping’.

Basically, what happened was that I became irritated and resentful because I had to take on these new and unforeseen responsibilities. And it was fascinating, because from a logical perspective, I could see that it made perfect sense that I handled this work, because if I didn’t do it, well, then it would end up with someone else. Further, it is part of my job description to support the organization in its daily operations – I am not supposed to be like an island that only makes sure that my things gets done and that I do not care anything about others.

I could see all of this, yet regardless, what grew within me was irritation and resentment, thoughts like: “Why do I have to do this?” – “Why did it have to be me?” – “I had so many different things planned for today, why me?” – and this battle began within me between reason on the one hand, and pure emotion on the other. My physical experience in this time was that of discomfort, and I could feel that my awareness was oscillating back and forth between being stable in the physical, and lost on a wave of emotion. I experienced myself as two people, and I knew I wanted to in that moment live what my reason was telling me, though due to the emotional experience, I could not give myself to actually making it my priority to contribute to the organization where I work.

Some days later I opened up the word help together with my partner, and this is where I started to see where this two-parted experience comes from, and especially why I have such an emotional relationship to things that concerns helping. When I grew up, my parents used to word help a lot. Though mostly, my parents were not really asking for help, sometimes their starting point would be for me to ‘learn what it means to have responsibilities’ or ‘it must be fair between you and your siblings’ or that ‘you should help because, well, you just should’ – hence as I saw it back then, they were not putting forth a real question of asking for help. This led me to start distrusting people that claim they want to have help. Because what I see when this word is mentioned, is someone that wants to deceive me, and get me to do things for them, because they have some self-interest that they want to be realized.

Obviously, that should not matter, because if I am helping another from a starting point of being conditional, then this is going to lead to consequences anyway – as I will feel that they must do something in return for me to make it fair. And this brings me into another aspect of why I tend to get angry when people ask me to help them, it is because I feel that it is not fair AND I feel that they are taking time away from me – coming into my life and creating a raucous – when I before had everything so nicely planned and sketched out. Thus, ripping me out of the schedule that I had in my mind.

Helping for me has thus been defined as a Hell-Point – something that I would like to avoid. I can agree to help, when I set the terms, the times, the when and the how, however when someone comes to me and asks for help, in a way that I feel is disruptive for the way I have planned my day, then, I feel like HELL – why me?

Because of my issues with helping (and also asking for help, though that is a slightly different variation of this point) I sat down and redefined the word – and this is what I came up with:

HELP
‘Assisting and supporting someone by giving one’s services or resources’

If we break this definition down, it firstly consists of assisting and supporting, which means that helping is an act of co-building and co-creation – it is an act of me stepping in to move with another in achieving a particular outcome. After that comes the word giving, which means that helping is an act of me sharing myself with another, an act of generosity – an act of me seeing that if I was in the position of the person that requires help, I would like to be given this service or resource as it would benefit me.

Thus, in my redefinition of helping I have made it clear that helping is an act of giving and co-creation – and the primary principle behind it all is that of giving as I would like to receive – and seeing the needs/requirements of another and acting to support another to fulfill those. Not because I am going to get anything in return, but because I care for another and wish the best life possible unto another.

In the following I am going to apply self-forgiveness and define my self-corrections as to my current relationship with the word help.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect emotions of anger, irritation and frustration towards helping – and immediately as I am asked to help – become irritated, frustrated, and feel pulled away from what I am doing, my life, and ‘important things’ instead of seeing, realizing and understand that this ‘important thin, is really existing as my own needs/desires and is not all the time that important, but merely an idea of what is important – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself through this self-absorbed way of observing the world to instead see what I can contribute for the betterment of the whole

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately as someone ask me for help feel disturbed and obstructed in my life, to feel as if someone is standing in my way, and this someone is being really annoying, wanting to control, rule, and direct my life without my permission, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see my life, to only see my desires, to only see what I want to see, and to the whole, not the needs and requirements of the person that is in-front of me, but only my own needs, and desires, and only that which will be supportive for me, and my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated and angry when I have to help another, because I feel that they are taking me away from the things that I have to do for myself, and that I am being obstructed, and hindered in my movement, because I now have to do all these various things for another that I do not really want to do, and that I do not really want to be a part of, because want to do that which feels important to me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not expand my view and perspective of this world, and the people within it, to see, realize and understand that this world does not only consist of me, and that there is a lot more to take into account, and one of these points is that sometimes helping another is what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become resistant, doubtful, and hesitant when someone asks me to help, because I feel that I shouldn’t have to help them, and I fear that potentially they are using me, and they will not help me anything in return – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this experience within me is not real, and that what I instead should ask myself in the moment is whether helping, and supporting another with this point is best for all, and if I notice that I due to this get too much on my plate, then to delegate, and ask others to step in for me, to ask for help, so that all can share the workload

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am being used when someone asks me to help them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am compromising myself when someone asks me to help them – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that maybe, behind my back, I am seen as weak, because I agree with others and what they ask of me to do, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as weak and inferior within how I apply myself in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by another as being lenient and weak, and fear that they are going to start using me, because I am helping them out without any demands on my side, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to set a precedent where I am shown as being weak – and that others are going to start abusing me because I have set this precedent that is to lenient

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate helping with being/feeling abused, and misused – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not redefine helping into a concept that is supportive and best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to help people too much, and be too nice, and in that start compromising myself, and my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to lose control over myself and my life, and start doing what everyone else wants me to do, instead of what I require, and have to do – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing touch with myself because all my focus is upon others, and what I should/have to do with others in order to support them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is unfair that I have to help another – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that nobody ever helps me, so why should I have to help another, why should I have to give of my time?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel used when someone asks me to help them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel misused when someone asks me to help them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is unfair that I have to help another because they will probably not help me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to give of myself and not get anything in return – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to lose myself and my stability because I will get spread thinly and used

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that there is a difference between being abused, and used, and that being used is not problematic, while being abused, which is to be used improperly, and in a way that causes negative outcomes for someone – and thus I see, realize and understand that being used is part of helping – and that as long as there are no consequences developing – it is completely in order to be used for a moment

Self-commitment statements

When and as someone asks for help, and I notice myself going into a resistance, a doubt and hesitancy, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that if I am able to help another, and I can see that helping another in this context would be what I would want for myself, then helping another is what is best for all – and thus something to honor – hence I commit myself – to when asked: Take a look at my day, and where I am within it, what I have to do, and look whether I can assist and support another in what they ask of me, and then I give them an answer, where I state that YES I will help, or NO because I have to do this instead – and thus I commit myself to answer unconditionally – with no strings attached as me wanting anything in return

I commit myself to HELP unconditionally as a giving of myself to another, where I do not expect anything in return

When and as someone asks me for help, and I become doubtful, and fearful that they might be abusing me, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that being abused by another would be when what is asked of me creates consequences in my life, or the life of another, where I as such would contribute to a world that is less than best, and thus I commit myself to in the moment cross-reference whether me helping another would initiate such an outflow, and within that give a clear answer back as either YES I will help – or NO

When and as I see myself reacting in anger, irritation and frustration as I am asked to, and then decide to help another, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this irritation comes up because I feel that it is unfair that I have to help another – though I see that I will never be able to expand my consideration and care for others if I only do the bare minimum – and that I won’t expand in my motivation and self-creation potential if I only do the same as others and not more – and thus I commit myself to move myself without the concept of what is fair or unfair – and instead look at – is this best? Does this contribute to a better world, a better life? And if it does – then I do it