Tag Archives: fulfillment

Day 391: Create Purpose In Everything

I have spent much time looking for a purpose – THE purpose – THE direction – THE way forward. In everything from work, to leisure time, partner to involvement in organizations – I have wanted to find THE right way forward – that which I was meant to do. I have believed that this purpose of mine was already designed – ready for me to step into – my only task was to find it. It is in design similar to religion and faith.

Because I was looking for THE purpose – I was always in a state of doubt. Many opportunities came my way – and I grasped some of them – however – always with a nagging emotion of doubt deep inside of myself. I thought to myself: ‘What if this not the right way? What if this is wrong? What if I should be doing something different?’. And that is the problem with relying on someone or something else to create a purpose for me. How do I know that it is the right one? I might step into the wrong one – and what will I do then?

This is why I have decided to let go of this limited definition of purpose. And it is suitable that recently in the Desteni group a new definition of purpose has opened up – ‘Mini-Purposes’. The meaning of ‘Mini-Purposes’ is that everything in our lives can potentially be directed into something supportive that allows us to expand and grow – and to help others do the same.

Let us take a normal weekday. We get up, go to work to make money and long to get home the entire day. Then we go home, cook food, and long to be able to sit in the couch and look at TV for a moment before we go to bed. Then we sleep, wake up and restart the process. Our entire day has passed without us engaging at all. We just moved through it all without effort or direction – doing what we always do – thinking what we always think – longing to be somewhere else. And what is funny is that – part of our day – we might have spent looking at and imagining what our purpose might be.

Now compare this to living a weekday in the following way. We get up, and use those moments of waking up to check in with our body, take some deep comforting and relaxing breaths – and we make breakfast as a moment of enjoyment and pleasure. Then we go to work – where we push to develop an aspect of ourselves – for example – learning from colleagues – looking at what are their strengths and how we are able to emulate such expressions to empower ourselves. Then we go home – and push ourselves to be present and develop a connection with our family members. And then we go to bed – and before we fall asleep – check what we can change/strengthen till our next day.

The latter way of living is purposeful – it is living a weekday with passion, fire and effort – striving to make that which might seem ordinary – to our story of movement and expansion – where we learn and inspire others to become the best that they can be. There is so much potential to be harnessed – and part of what makes it difficult to grasp this fact is that we believe that purpose must be something grandiose and big – out there! No – that is not true – there is purpose in everything – however we must design it – we must create it – we must give ourselves purpose within our lives.

The difference between living a fulfilled life and a unfulfilled one is that in the former – we decide to FILL our lives with DIRECTION and PURPOSE. Nothing is there only by coincidence – nothing is there only as a chore and trite requirement of survival – it is what we make of it.

This also brings up the point that creating ideas of a purpose out there can be very limiting in terms of actually beginning the process of living purpose. Looking at myself – many of my purposes have been conditioned by location, time, by a variety of external factors being fulfilled. For example – at one time I wanted to become a movie director – and all of my energy and effort was directed into this dream. However – during this process of becoming and reaching my purpose – I neglected the life that was around my – I became monotone and lost track of my Mini-Purposes – my opportunities to create Mini-Impacts and Mini-Ripples – and to live a fulfilling life here instead of waiting for life to happen.

Dreams of the future can be useful in terms of creating a direction – however – they can never substitute real fulfillment – because that will only always be developed, expressed and experienced HERE. The challenge is thus to develop our Mini-Purposes and LIVE them in reality. To make everything matter – and stop waiting.


Day 445: When Competition Puts Us Off Course

Competition is a strange thing. Especially the kind of competition that just happens. For example, the competition that exists at the office, where one guy gets the promotion, the other does not, the next guy gets close to the boss, and the third does not. When a lot of people come together, such as in a organization, there is bound to be some competition.

For myself, I have found, that when I give into and become engulfed in competition, I lose my direction. What used to be important becomes less so, and what takes its place is the DESIRE to WIN, to reach that position/point/top that everyone else seems to strive towards, and hence, that must be really worthwhile. Though it is not even about the position. It is about proving to everyone else, and to myself, that I could reach that position, and nobody else could. Thus, it is a complete illusion, based solely on wanting to become someone to someone other than me, to feel better, and it has nothing to do with what I actually want to do – that which is my REAL expression.

Competing this way is not constructive, rather it is destructive. Instead of strengthening our own individual unique expressions, we all strive towards the same goal, the same achievement, and all try to climb the same ladder. It is unfortunate, because what is a genuine success/achievement for one person might not be so for another. Accordingly it does not make any sense to set ourselves and our lives up with the intent of winning – because at the end of the day – if we have given up on everything that is unique and individual about ourselves to reach that position/status/goal – then have we really won? Have we not in-fact lost a part of ourselves – that unconditional drive and movement within us that acts/express without wanting rewards – but where the expression in itself is enough to be wholly fulfilling.

I have tried to walk both paths in my life. Getting lost in the wheel of competition, striving towards something more, without really understanding why – and then also – moving myself to fulfill myself through doing that which I really enjoy/love. And with the latter, I have found that it does not even have to be something that I love/enjoy – the difference is all in HOW I approach the point. In my work for example, that occasionally can be less than stimulating, I have found pleasure and drive in practicing being thorough, structured and specific. I have practiced living those characteristics without aspiring a position or a certain status, I have done it for MYSELF.

I do recognize that it can be easy to lose oneself in these games of competition that is played in all parts of life in some way or another. And, everyone else seems to be in it, so why should not I do it as well? And if I do decide to walk my own path, will I miss out on something? What if that grand-prize at the top of the ladder is worth it all? There are definitely fears associated with deciding upon and walking the path less traveled – and there are far less that travels the path of self-expression compared to the path of competition. However, only because the mass of people does something, it does not mean that it is right for ME, it does not mean that it is supportive, and it does not mean that it is BEST.

About two years ago, just about as I finished my university degree, I decided to move back to where I grew up, to the rural parts of Sweden. This went against what everyone of my classmates decided to do. Most of them went to the capital city to get the top tier jobs. And since I moved, I have had this nagging fear/stress that I might be missing out on something. I have sometimes started to make sketches in my mind of moving back to the big city, to find myself a top job, and create my success story. Though part of me has been drawn to the country side, the quiet, the opportunities that exist in immersing oneself in hobbies such as gardening and carpentry. This to me perfectly exemplifies the effect that competition can have on my mind – and on a mind in general. Because when I look at it, there is no objective, quantifiable and practical benefit to moving back to the city and acquiring a ‘top job’. I have everything set where I live in terms of money and shelter – and I am very satisfied with my daily routines. Hence this begs the question, why this urge to move upwards in the ladder of success? Why this urge to give up that which I want for myself, to do what I perceive everyone else wants, values and desires? It makes NO sense.

And that is where I would like to end of – with the conclusion that: competition makes NO sense. Competition is not rational, it is not practical, it is not thought through and it is not supporting us to fulfill our utmost potential. Giving into competition dehumanizes us, makes us machines racing to prove our value to some unknown force, while at the same time devaluing and losing our own unique potential, our own individual point of expression that cannot be measured in terms of winning and losing.

Hence – instead of competing – we should embrace our own VALUE, our own UNIQUE and INDIVIDUAL expression – that which cannot be compared and measured in relation to another – because that is where we will find real and lasting fulfillment.


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Day 350: Writing, The Way to Fill Life With Purpose

It is not strange that many feel purposeless and lost. This tends to happen when we loose touch with the physical reality, with our genuine self-expression, and our focus becomes more and more zoned into what happens within our minds. I have noticed, for myself, that the experience of being purposeless and lost goes hand in hand with my own relationship with myself – and interestingly enough – this relationship has been very much dependent upon writing.

Some weeks ago I made a decision to write more for myself. I have usually written about once a week, though now, I decided to write once every day or once every other day. The effects of applying this decision were immediate and positive, especially with regards to how I experienced myself in relation to words such as purpose, direction and movement. Because in when moving, working and living within the system on a daily basis, it is easy to forget what matters. If we do not nourish our relationship with ourselves properly, soon enough we will begin to feel empty and lost. And that is when it is easy to believe that we need a energy to feel alive and on track – that we need some form of personal reinvention – for example – a new hobby, a new car, a new girlfriend or a new job. However it is never about what to do, experience, achieve, get, own, out there – it is always and only about ourselves.

When I started to write more regularly, I noticed that my mind became more quiet, and the experience of being without purpose that had been stirring within me for a while, it was not there anymore. I was surprised, because I initially thought that I had to establish some form of direction in relation to the world system, to direct my experience of being without purpose. That was not the case, because purpose, is not something that can be achieved out there – purpose is something that we live within and as ourselves – it is all about who we are.

Yet, why is it that writing is such a powerful tool when it comes to establishing purpose? I see it the following way. Purpose, which is a clear sense and understanding of what I am doing here and to what end, is dependent upon inner clarity, that is the ability to see ourselves and our life clearly. And writing is one of the most effective tools for establishing clarity, because when we place down words before us, and through that with awareness design our understanding/seeing of reality and ourselves, we create clarity. Seeing clearly is thus a matter of having a clear and solid vocabulary, with which we have clearly defined and made sense of the world we interact with on a daily basis.

Writing is how we investigate, expand, move and create ourselves and our lives. In placing words, we design ourselves, and that brings through clarity, which in turns enables us to live with purpose. And purpose is simply to be clear on what we are doing, live with a reason, and have a clear direction – and with writing – we are able to establish that direction – re-focus our attention on what we want to create/expand/move/direct. That is why writing is so important, and why everyone interested in finding stability and purpose in their lives should use writing daily to expand their relationship with themselves.

Day 344: Removing Projections

Future projections and dreams, if I have realized one thing in this process, it is how easily we can deceive ourselves by accepting and allowing ourselves to participate in the idea of a more fulfilling future. It is soooo easy – one moment when we lose touch with our breath – and a imagination regarding future comes up – and whoop – we are gone with the wind. The treacherous thing about future projections is that they are usually accompanied with some form of positive experience. Hence it is easy to believe that future projections is a positive/good/empowering pattern within ourselves. However, that is not the case, because the consequence of future projections is: Waiting instead of acting, not committing to what is here, not participating with what is here, and hoping instead of living. Basically, future projections makes us slave to a mental projection in our minds, and does not support us to LIVE.

Let me give you a practical example from my own life. During my university studies I found within me a deep and passionate love for learning. I enjoyed to read, to take in information, and to push myself to excel in my studies. However, while I was doing this, at the same time, there was within me a projection, an idea of where I was supposed to go in the future. Without me seeing it at the time, I was through holding unto that projection, my idea of what profession I would enter, what future I was supposed to have, and what I wanted to experience, already conditioning my relationship to my studies. I developed a tendency of only committing myself to certain parts and aspects of my studies that I deemed to be worthwhile in consideration of how I would best be able to realize my future projection. Through doing that, I missed out on a lot. Because there were many aspects of my studies that I could have committed myself to walk and get to know even better, if I had not held unto that future projection.

Thus, this all goes to show the importance of not conditioning our current expression, movement, and direction, that takes place in each and every moment of breath, according to a idea, a future projection, an illusion of where we are supposed to go. There is SO much to learn, so many areas of life in which we are able to expand, improve, and practice changing ourselves to the better – HOWEVER – when we close ourselves off to that part of life through constantly thinking about and looking at some distant future that is not here – we will not give ourselves access to that eternal well of expansion that is always HERE.

This also brings me into a different though closely related point – TIME – and how we use our time on this earth. When we always strive for something different to what is here – then we are NOT using our time effectively – because – we are not IN TIME – moving WITH TIME – but rather racing towards a time somewhere in the distant future. Life, reality, relationships, developing and creating ourselves – that is a process that will only always be HERE. If we are not HERE – then that process will be out of our reach. Thus – the importance of pushing presence – awareness – and HERE-living.

Now, how do we change from living in the future, in a projection, to instead, living HERE? One solution that I see, is to give myself FULLY to the MOMENTS of my life. Lets say that in one moment, I am participating on a chat. To then give myself FULLY to that moment would be to go into and participate in that chat with presence, awareness and vigor – it would be to have my mind and my attention placed fully here on what I am doing – not being separated through for example – thinking about what I am going to eat after the chat – but committing myself FULLY – FULLY living – FULLY communicating – FULLY relating – FULLY interacting – FULLY responding – being FULLY here – and not split in a millions pieces within myself as thoughts, and projections, as ideas of where I should go, who I should be, what I should do, and what not.

The solution to the illusion of a fuller life out there – is to become that FULL life HERE through FULLY living – and FULLY living being – to take part FULLY in every moment with ALL of MYSELF – and not half-arsing my way through life believing that such a participation is in anyway resembling what real living expression is all about.


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Day 331: Why We Should Reinvent Our Childhood

“Compared with adults, children do not yet have the ability to see a self that extends temporally into the future. This, however, is not a liability, but rather an asset that allows them to view their future without gloom and fully enjoy the present feelings of happiness. That is why the children of the world can look happy so long as they are happy in the present.”

― Yoichi Sakakihara, M.D., Professor of Ochanomizu University

Childhood, I remember that as a time in my life that was thoroughly enjoyable. Obviously, that is not so for everyone, as childhood can also be a terrible experience. However, as children, undoubtedly we do have an ability to live in the moment that surpasses that of any adult. I remember when I used to visit new places as a child, for example a forest, being sensitive, attuned, and completely in the present moment, it was an adventure without comparison. All my senses were active in experiencing and interacting with this new environment – and that ability to be FULLY here in the moment was what contributed to creating that almost magical feeling of adventure and astonishment at the small moments, that by adults were perceived as insignificant or completely missed.

This skill disappears as we age, and that is sad, because obviously, we as adults also need that sense of adventure and fulfillment in our lives, else, we simply become like robots, walking around to our next appointment, doing our thing, without really knowing why. From my perspective, and from what I have found, the reason why we loose this ability to be in the present moment is because we compare what is here to what has been, we actively use our experiences and memory-bank to define and give points to our current reality. This use of memory to interact with reality also dulls our senses and makes us less sensitive and attuned to the present moment. We thus miss so much of reality, because we are busy in our mind evaluating what is here, instead of LIVING with what is here.

One clear example of this is how adults tend to judge weather such as rain, storms, cold, and similar, as ‘bad weather’ and enter a gloomy experience, and oftentimes complain at the weather. What children do with bad weather is that they embrace it and allow themselves to experience and be part of and explore that particular moment of weather. For example, rain becomes an adventure without likes, as rain offers pools of water, and different animals come out from their hiding places to get moisture and look for food. Children hence know and apply one thing in their lives that we adults tend to miss, it is not about where we are, not about what we are, not about when we are, it is about WHO WE ARE – basically meaning that – we DECIDE what our present moment will be like – either a moment of presence/interaction/connection with the physical – or a moment of existing in our mind comparing what is here to what we would like it to be like.

As adults we look for life in all the wrong places, because we have forgotten that point of presence which we embodied as children. Life will not ever be born through realizing a dream or reaching a goal, such points are merely moments of satisfaction, and enjoyment, though not the same thing as the constant and fulfilling approach to reality that children master. Hence, the secret to life does not exist in changing our material physical world, it is instead within us, in our approach, and in essence, in our relationship with ourselves. If we want to have fulfillment, adventure, and enjoyment in our lives, this is where we should look, and not make the mistake of believing that the problem is our physical reality.

The above though is only true to some extent. We do undoubtedly have physical needs, we have to eat, drink, shit and piss – and if our basic needs are not fulfilled effectively – then it is not possible, or at least very difficult, to embody presence and live fully in every moment. This is why we require a new economic system with an equal distribution of resources – to make sure that everyone has to opportunity to discover and live their unconditional and childlike expression in this world.

What is then the solution? How is it that we return to our childlike selves? I find the following quote very supportive in this regard.

“Stop thinking, and end your problems.
What difference between yes and no?
What difference between success and failure?
Must you value what others value,
avoid what others avoid?
How ridiculous!

Other people are excited,
as though they were at a parade.
I alone don’t care,
I alone am expressionless,
like an infant before it can smile.

Other people have what they need;
I alone possess nothing.
I alone drift about,
like someone without a home.
I am like an idiot, my mind is so empty.

Other people are bright;
I alone am dark.
Other people are sharp;
I alone am dull.
Other people have purpose;
I alone don’t know.
I drift like a wave on the ocean,
I blow as aimless as the wind.

I am different from ordinary people.
I drink from the Great Mother’s breasts.”

― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

The solution to stopping our continuous adult contemplation and replace it with LIFE is to STOP thinking. Thinking not only steals our attention from the present moments, it also becomes the building blocks of our life, and the problem here is that we have not even investigated the consequences of our thoughts; what does our thoughts really create? We must remind ourselves that the future will only ever be an abstract concept, something we use to make sense of time and space, however, LIFE will only ever be HERE. Thus, when we think about the future it should only be to organize and plan for our life HERE, yet that plan must not, and in reality cannot, take precedence of what is HERE. Hence, a plan, or a goal, will never in itself fulfill us, give us peace and joy – if we want to experience such words for real – they must be created HERE in our everyday life – in the mundane and recurrent. And in doing that, what we will discover and understand, which children already see, is that life HERE is not mundane, it is a constant flow of new moments that we can only ever really see if we stop thinking and instead place our full awareness in the present.


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Day 327: What Are We Living For?

What are we living for? Looking at how we live on a day-to-day basis, it is clear that this point have not been investigated sufficiently. The tendency we have is to place primary value on our external lives. When we have a job, we have a house, and we have a partner, then our life is functional and apparently fulfilling. However, when we are not able to find work, we struggle to survive, and we cannot find a partner, only then we feel that there is something wrong. This is a generalization, but most us seem to have these variables existent within when it comes to determining what is a successful and enjoyable life and what is not – it is all about what goes on around.

Oftentimes, what disappears and lose importance as we tend and care for our external life is our internal realities. Our inner life does not at all have the same standing and priority as our external reality. For example in Europe, many of us view it as a sign of weakness to go visit a psychologist to have your mental status evaluated. And when we look at ‘what we do’  and ‘who we are’ – what emerge within is pictures, remembrances, and memories of the various roles we are and have fulfilled in the system, people, relatives, animals, colleagues, and similar. Apparently, we are the employee, the graduate, successful, the animal owner, the friend, the father or mother, though, what is missing within this is OURSELVES – our inner life – our inner environment – the truth of who we are – that is not defined or limited by the physical reality we move within.

Words such as purpose and meaning also comes through, limited by this one dimensional  view of life. It is about career and family, yet seldom anything more than that. It is as if we have forgotten OURSELVES in the midst of everything, as we come of age and we are forced to face life and what comes with it. Maybe this is why we have had such a difficulty in creating any lasting change in this world. When we do not even know what motivates us, why we feel and experience ourselves the way we do, why we dislike some people and like other, how can we expect to have any significant impact? How can we change, shape, and form our lives in a way that is best for all, and best for ourselves, when we do not know who we are to begin with? When we have forgotten the experiences, inner monologues and decisions, that throughout our lifetime molded us into who we are at this moment, it is not possible to make life something more.

We have forgotten what is important and real, and our focus/emphasis have been located to some very few areas of life, and this has caused us to become blind. We are not able to see how creation works in our external life, as we have not yet investigated and seen it works internally. Accordingly, what should have been a natural part of our education and upbringing, the process of learning about ourselves, does not yet exist.

This is why, if we want to change this world to become a better place, we have to engage in a process of re-education, because the one most important variable of creation that is still not understood is SELF. The result is that we create our lives without self-intimacy, self-love, without understanding what would be best for us, without principles or a clear direction – life seemingly happens – and most of us have no idea what is really going on. Only several years later down the road do we look back and conclude that there was no real plan, intent or meaning with ourselves – that things only happened and we followed along – BECAUSE – we did not know what we wanted and what would have been the best for us – even less so – what would have been best for everyone.

Thus, asking the question ‘what are we living for?’ is important, because it displays the gaping holes existent within our current definition of meaning, expression and life. Are we living for a career? To what purpose? To have money and manifest positive experiences for ourselves and then die? Are we living for our family? For what reason? To feel we belong somewhere, that we do something good, and that we feel happy? But what about OURSELVES? Should not our lives have more depth, more meaning, more reflection, more prudence and consideration, where we SLOW DOWN – and instead of rushing into things – first ask ourselves – is this what is BEST for me? Will this decision, walking this path, support ME in my process of SELF-CREATION? In my process of LIVING my utmost potential, and sharing this expression with others in a way that is best for all?

We as individuals are the only ones able to give our lives meaning, depth, intimacy, something MORE above and beyond the obvious and instantaneous image we see. We are not limited by the appearance of things, by the job we have, the family we live with, the relations we have and roles we step into, we are capable of MUCH MORE – and all of that does unfold as we investigate and open up our relationship with ourselves.


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Day 308: The Art of Becoming Inspired

Do you feel inspired? Do you sometimes look at people in your world, amazed at how they can express themselves, and from that start practicing that expression yourself? Do you get inspired by the words of others? So inspired that you decide to go and write a blog about the subject, just so you can expand and develop the concept and perspectives even further?

I would say that most people do not allow themselves to be sufficiently inspired by the life that is around them every day. What I have noticed is that we tend to make our daily living a routine, and the people in our environment but roles that play a part in the show called ‘our life’. We consider our weekdays and the job we have to do boring, a chore, something we have to do so we can do what we enjoy, so how can we then be inspired? What is there to inspire us? And why should we become inspired by having to wake up to face another day and do the same thing as the day before?

Does this reasoning sound familiar? I myself have had, and to some extent still do have this way of looking at parts of my life. For example, my job and the colleagues interact with on a daily basis, this environment I defined as being my ‘work’ – and apparently – when I am at office – I work – and that is the only thing I can do. And I have thought that, because work is something I do for my survival, I cannot possibly make anything more out of it than that; I just have to suffer through the time and get it done. Though I have realized that this is a very, very limiting way of considering work – and for that matter – it is very, very limiting to create any form of rigid idea and concept in relation to a particular environment, role or position that we interact within on a regular basis.

Hence, what I have done to create inspiration in my life, is to push myself to be inspired. The sound of the word inspired is IN-SPY-READ – and in context of being inspired by people – this is basically SPYING on others and READING them to see their skills, abilities and expressions and then – make them my own. What I have realized is that becoming inspired is not something that just happens by itself. As a matter of fact I have had to sit down with myself to take a look at the people in my world, for example my colleagues, to see what particular expressions/words they are living. Only when I did this did it become apparent to me that there were things I had missed in my colleagues, I had not seen their individual expressions and strength’s – because I had existed in my idea of work as only being WORK. However, work can be so much more, it can be an environment of inspiration, through me allowing and pushing myself to be inspired by others. And this goes to prove one thing. It is not about where you are, what you are, when you are – it is about WHO YOU ARE.

Hence, what I want to share with this blog is that there is always room for expansion, regardless of environment. Whether we are working, whether we are with our family, whether we are hanging out with friends, the moment we interact with people, there is a opportunity to become inspired – to see another and learn. We do not have to limit learning to school, or expansion and inspiration as a thing we can only pursue in our leisure time. We are the creators, we define the playing field, we decide what our job is to be, what the relationship with our colleagues means, and we decide to get inspired.

As such, do not wait for inspiration, because it arises far to seldom. If we want to live a inspirational life, we must push ourselves to be inspired – notice the moments when we are touched, when we see the potential for expansion and creation – and ACT on those moments – put words to it – write a blog or do a vlog. That is how we bring INSPIRATION into our lives as a decision.