Tag Archives: fun

Day 457: Work Is Pretty Fun

Something I really feared and resisted, especially in my teens and early twenties, was to get a regular full time job. I saw it as a form of death – and I did not want to become anything like my parents. I perceived both of them as working too much, and as having lost that playful and youthful expression that could recognize in my peers and myself. Back then, I thought the problem was work.

I found various ways to avoid becoming part of the work force – until – I realized that this was a limitation I had created for myself. Once I understood that it was not work that was the problem, and that rather it was WHO I AM in relation to work, my entire perspective changed. I decided to pursue a university degree and from then on I have been committed to learning a trade and acquiring the necessary skills to become effective within it.

Fact is that work now offers one of my primary sources of learning and expansion in life. Obviously, this does not happen automatically. If I just go to work, and sit there, wait for the time pass, then I will be awarded with very few moments of expansion. However, if I make sure that I make work an equal part of my life, where I push myself to learn, expand, and move, then that is what I will receive in equal measure. Expansion does not happen by itself – it must be directed – it requires discipline and effort. Oftentimes there is a wall of resistance that must be broken down. And when I move beyond the resistance, there is a new world opening up.

It is this new world that I have come to enjoy so much in my work. Because it is not necessarily about the work in itself – it can be about the skills I develop that are indirectly related to my work. At the moment, I have been pushed to develop intimacy, empathy and social skills – and not directly in relation to the work I am doing – but rather as something that exist on the side and as a consequence of my primary work responsibilities. That is not something I would have been confronted with had I not been working.

I sometimes hear people complaining about their work and how they do not want to be there but rather be at home living and fulfilling their private interests. This is a limited way of looking at work. The solution is to make sure that regardless of where we are at, that we find ways to discover and empower ourselves. There are opportunities everywhere, however, in order to see them, we have to be OPEN and RECEPTIVE – and in order to ACT on them – we have to be DISCIPLINED and READY. To be able to master this approach we cannot accept and allow ourselves to remain in a state of whining and complaining. We have to be on our toes and READY to embrace whatever might come our way.

Today, I enjoy going to work most of the days in the week. The days where I do not. I see those days as my challenges. They challenge me to go beyond that emotion of resistance, and to make something out of myself and my day, even if I do not feel like it. Because if it is one thing that I have understood, it is that I can never wait for my mind to give me the get go. My emotions and feelings will never be ready. No, I have to make the decision – PHYSICALLY – through acting in the physical – through changing myself with actual acts in matter. Thus, instead of remaining in that state of depression and tiredness – I protrude my chest, I straighten my back, I push my shoulders backwards, breathe deeply, and start to look at what I can do to make the most of where I am – and I PROMISE – there are ALWAYS ways to move beyond the obvious.

Concluding: Work – a challenge and a gift to be lived and experienced fully – and today it is a opportunity that I am grateful to have in my life.

I have used the Desteni tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to manifest this change for myself. And through this process, what seemed to be dry and meaningless, has become a well of inspiration for me. For anyone that wants to know what is possible to be created – I suggest that you investigate Desteni.



Day 270: Social Anxiety and Misunderstandings

Today at work I faced an interesting situation. A couple of my colleagues and I were talking about an upcoming event at the office. They were in a light and playful mood, and started to joke with me. I found it interesting that in this moment, I did not experience this light and playful mood as something enjoyable, and inviting – my reaction was instead that of fear/anxiety/insecurity.

The reaction was quite strong, and the physical sensation was the of my body tensing up, especially in my calves. And as the reaction came up within me, yet another fear arose from within, the fear of: What if my colleagues are seeing what I am experiencing? What if they will not see me as one of those easy going, flowing, and comfortable-to-be-around people?

Thus what happened was that a initial reaction of insecurity, got coupled with a reaction of fear, and this then snowballed, and I found it difficult to settle down, breath, and relax my human physical, which I do know is an effective solution, especially when emotional reactions come up. Instead of breathing, and settling down, I tried to be more ‘up-beat’ and ‘get more into’ the joking and playful mood, however, this simply did not work but instead exacerbated the reaction. This shows that what I resist, will persist, it is not possible to counter a experience with its opposite, as that will only cause more friction – hence – a effective solution is to slow down and move back into my human physical body – understanding that it is nothing ‘out there’ that is required to be corrected – instead it is my relationship with and as myself that must be corrected.

Hence, what I see that I am doing many times, and that causes me to miss a moment, is that I place my focus on how others are reacting/perceive/experience me. Though, when an reaction emerge within me, the focus must be who I am within and as myself – and that must be that point that is forgiven – the reaction coming up from within.

Another point that I see is the point of fitting in, the desire to fit in and be considered as one in the group – that is a fear that comes up when I have a reaction/experience towards another – because if another notice what I am going through – will they then consider/see me as being one in the group?

Hence the play-out today I see as being a mix of several programs – though the core point is the Fear of What Others Might Think Of ME, or Do, or Say to Me – that is the underlying experiences that fuels these reactions – and the self-interest that I am holding unto that currently cause me to have difficulty to move through this experience.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others might think of me, say, or do to me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interact with others in a state of apprehension/holding back – where I am in a state of interpretation, and caution, trying to be aware of how another interprets me so that I can change myself to fit their personal mind settings – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change myself around others to fit in – instead of accepting and allowing myself to be myself – to express myself naturally and comfortable – and not accept and allow myself to change myself to be liked by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others have to say about me, and fear that others are talking behind my back, and saying that I am strange, different, and an outcast – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel this view of myself that I am strange – that I am not the same as others – and that I require/must fit in – change myself – and be like a chameleon – in order to not cause a raucous and make others notice me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable when speaking/sharing myself with my colleagues at work – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this slight state of tension – where I feel like I am on my toes constantly – trying to read another and how they are expressing themselves – so that I can immediately change to accommodate that change and make the situation positive/comfortable for another – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being myself – to fear living/standing within and as stability when I am with others – and hence not accept and allow myself to give into my mind and start to interact with others from within and as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to change/rearrange myself to fit the minds of others – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of constant anxiety – preparation – where I try to be prepared for another and the attack that they might make on me – and that I must be there to make the save as fast as possible and then put something back that is hopefully seen/considered within a state of positivity as being something good – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my natural playful and enjoyable expression through giving into fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that fear is really one of the main creators of separation – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that fear indicates self-interest – and the self-interest in my case would be to avoid conflict/friction – where I want everyone to like me so that I do not have to experience myself embarrassed and disliked by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is a point of self-interest to want and desire to be liked by everyone – to be positively considered by everyone – to have a ‘good’ relationship with everyone – and with ‘good’ meaning – that everyone knows me, likes me, and considers me to be fun and popular

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a female saying something about me that was meant as a critique, and me taking that personally, and becoming sad, and judging myself for showing this sadness to others, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a fear of such an event repeating – and me again having to experience myself as being sad, and personally attacked – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of fear towards being personally attacked and having others define me as a weak and inferior person that they can use as a target for their attacks

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be desperate to be liked, desperate to have others see/experience me in a positive/comfortable light, where they see me as being one of their friends/comrades – that they like/enjoy to be with – and that they want to have a lot to do with – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this self-interest within me is enticing fear/anxiety – and that I am creating separation through holding unto this desire because I am not accepting and allowing myself to be genuine – self-honest and real in my participation with others

Self-commitment statements

When and as I am communicating/speaking/interacting with others, and I notice myself beginning to tense up, and experience a fear, anxiety, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I make the focus of that moment to be me relaxing, me breathing, and me sharing myself from my oneness connection and being self-honest, and genuine in my expression, and thus not try and attempt to be more than myself, or less – but simply be genuine and real in the moment

I commit myself to practice self-honest and genuine participation with others – where I place my attention on my physical body and expression – and make it a point to share myself from within and as my oneness connection – and be real with others – and here I see that I cannot be real with others unless I am grounded – physical and here

When and as I see myself tense up, and change, because I perceive that another is reacting towards, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this reaction within me cannot be solved by me trying to be like I believe that another wants me to be – but must be solved by me letting go of this angst – and allowing myself to be real – realizing that REAL is something that I am only able to live/express/stand as – when I breathe effectively and ground myself in my physical – and stop these experiences/thoughts that come up from within

Day 190: Remember The Context!

Recently I’ve had several occasions when I’ve gone into a state of paranoia and fear due to perceiving and believing that someone dislikes me – and this is usually triggered by for example: Someone looking at me with a stern face, or me asking something that is not answered, or someone not paying attention to me in the way I perceive to be correct.

What happened yesterday was that I in class stretched my hand up in the hopes of my teacher picking me to answer one of his questions – though that didn’t happen and instead someone else got the honor of answering. The first place that my mind went to was that there was something wrong with me, that I’d done or said something wrong, that the teacher thought I was stupid, or that I’d somehow offended him, and this was his revenge. Obviously – the fascinating point here is that all of the above ideas are inferred from the one premise that ‘It’s about ME!’ – it’s PERSONAL.

Though, I can’t possibly be sure precisely why my teacher didn’t pick me to answer his question, and even though his reason was that he didn’t like me, why should I accept and allow that to have an affect on my presence and expression in school? I mean – I am not in school to get positive feedback from teachers – I am there to learn and educate myself in various subjects – and the more effectively I’m able to fulfill that purpose the better.

This is also an interesting aspect of taking things personal – that when we take things personal we become forgetful of the purpose or context of an event or moment. An example would be work – and the interaction with colleagues – because what I’ve noticed with myself is that suddenly the social life of the workplace starts taking precedence over the work I produce – and how others are towards me and how I personally experience myself comes into the foreground – not seeing that the context or purpose of being in employment is to effectively direct and move a particular point to completion (production).

Thus – the social life should obviously be in the backseat – and be there more as something that is done at breaks or when a project has been finished – but not be the main point that defines my entire experience and movement in a particular employment.

The same with school – the same with listening to my teacher – I am not there to be liked or establish social circles – I am there to learn – and I should rather establish my network and relate to the teachers from this perspective – looking at what will enhance and quantify my learning and comprehension of the material – it’s from that starting point I should move.

What I am able to see is that I require working and going deeper into this aspect of giving value to social life – and what others think of me – realizing that when I do this – I compromise the actual purpose of why I’ve placed myself in a particular point or position.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when my teacher doesn’t assign me to answer his questions – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my educational environment personal – to make it about me personally – to make it about me wanting and desiring to have friends and to be liked by others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain within the actual purpose and context of placing myself in that particular position – which is to educate myself and learn – and not to be liked – not to win – not to gain favor from the teacher

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize myself within and as the purpose and context of why I’ve placed myself in a particular point – and realizing that when I am at work – I am there to produce an effective and precise product – and I am not there to gain friends or to be liked – the same with my teacher – that I am there to learn from him and acquire a particular understanding and comprehension of a subject – not to be liked and to feel favored by him – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personally – and make things personal – instead of remaining objective and aligned within and as the context of the moment and the purpose of my position

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional and make things personal in school – and at work – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone is ignoring me – or not paying attention to me the way I want them to – as being enthusiastic and enjoying me – to then take it personally and react – and think that they are being mean to me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately go into and as a troubleshoot mode – wherein I am trying to locate what is wrong with me – what is at fault with me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s not about me personally and that what another do or doesn’t do – is not reflecting that there is something wrong or bad with me that I must immediately correct

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being flawed and inferior in my expression – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone seems to dislike me – and ignore me – or not pay attention to me as I want to – to then believe that there is something wrong with me that I must immediately attend to and direct and make better – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make myself better so that others are going to like me – so that I can feel more at ease and comfortable with myself – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am able to give that point to myself – of accepting and allowing myself to like and love myself – and be at ease and comfortable with myself – without necessarily needing anyone to like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I push to get attention from another – and then I am seemingly being ignored – to immediately go into thoughts and backchat of thinking that there is something wrong with me – and wonder what mistake that I’ve made in order to make someone dislike me this much – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it doesn’t even have to be about me – and that when I go into this troubleshoot mode – I am working with assumptions and ideas – and not the actual practical physical reality that is here – and thus I commit myself to stop such troubleshooting mind pattern – and see that it’s in-fact a form of self-judgment

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a state of taking it personally, believing that someone dislikes me, or doesn’t want me in their world – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I don’t need or require anyone to like me, appreciate me, or feel pleasured by me, I instead require stable and sound relationships so that I can walk through my days effectively and handle my responsibilities – and thus what is important is that I direct my responsibilities and my life – that I commit myself to my studies – my work – and my other points of responsibility – and that I align and direct myself from this starting point; and thus I commit myself to stop taking things personally – and instead look at the context of the moment and the purpose of my position in that moment – and align myself to go in that direction and thus not make my relationships with other emotional – but rather practical and supporting what I’ve set out to do and create in life

Day 79: Why is it an art form to live?

We as human beings tend to go through our daily lives without much consideration as to what it is where doing, and how we’re doing it. We simply take for granted as we wake up that: “this is going to be another day, and I will simply walk through it as all the other days I’ve walked through up to this point”. Though within this there is something important that is being forgotten. It’s actually not only important, it’s in-fact vital, it’s really the essence of what it means to live; and that is the principle of creation – the principle of bringing to life – to principle of determining ourselves, and our lives.

street_art_yarn_crochet_1What is fascinating is that this principle of creation is always here regardless of whether we’re aware of it or not – but as a matter of fact we’re all creating our lives in real time, in every moment of breath, and we’re in-fact the determining point in our world, and our reality. I mean, this is absolutely fascinating – because in taking a look at us human beings, it’s like we’re totally oblivious of this fact, and we’re just walking around believing that life is happening to us, when in-fact it’s us that are happening as our own life. What I want to get to here is the simple realization that we’re all creators – thus we’re all artists, and within this it’s easy to see that living is an art form. And not just any art form – it’s THE art form; because when we become effective in this skill of creating our life as the piece of art it is, the rest of our lives will unfold and become so much more rewarding, and effective.

But, obviously, as I mentioned in the beginning, what we as human beings have yet to understand is that each breath that we take is in-fact a opportunity for us to create art, and not just any art, the perfect art, as the perfect living, as walking within and as a principle that is best for all, as give as you’d like to receive; I mean, this is in essence the choice that stand before is in every moment – the question: “What are you going to create? What type of artist will you be?” – and the only way to answer this question is through real living application, as a living physical decision that I create myself here in physical living to stand as an example of what is best for all.

And it’s fascinating that instead of us realizing this fact that art is not something separate from us, but that art is really every moment we have here with ourselves, we’ve made art to be these isolated incidents of painting, or doing some acting, or playing some music – but that is a very limited understanding of art, and when we limit art to only exist as these very few points we compromise the rest of our lives that should as a matter of integrity be masterpieces as perfect art that we’ve created with meticulous specificity, and inexhaustible dedication.

Consider for a moment that we as humans would in-fact do this, and make sure that our life, and our every breath is a work of art that gives life – what would be the outflow of this on an existential level? Would starvation exist? Would murder exist? Can any problem possibly remain a problem when we strive for perfection in every way? I mean, obviously not – and thus – are you ready to take on the responsibility of being a real artist? Because realize that for any change to take place in this world – individuals must change themselves – and to do this we require to make sure that our life is an art lived that is worthy of life.

Join us in creating art as life at Desteni!

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Giving Up Your Passion For Money

There are many of us in this world that find ourselves to have a passion for something – a deep liking and fascination – it could be a action, or hobby that we enjoy immensely and for me I’ve found such a passion towards music – towards singing and playing guitar. For me this passion opened up as I first discovered blues and improvisational music – and as I let myself explore the guitar by myself – read books about various techniques and listen to music done by various fascinating artists – such as Jimi Hendrix, Stevie Ray Vaughn, John Lee Hooker etc. – and the more I immersed myself into this world of music the more passionate I became, the more I enjoyed it.

Though – music hasn’t been my only passion in life – I’ve found myself enjoying myself within making films, theater, and acting – as well as writing, painting, building, and so on – I’ve found most types of creative expression to be fulfilling and fun – yet when the time came for me to pick a college orientation I didn’t pick a orientation that had anything to do with creativity or art – I picked a orientation that was directed towards getting to know the functions of society – wherein the primary subjects was history, language, and societal knowledge – nothing of which I was passionate towards at all – the question that begs to be answers is why I made such a choice; the reason is simple – I picked the orientation because I knew it would send me in a direction in society of being able to at a later stage claim a higher education – which would then in turn enable me to generate money – the decision I made was made from a starting point of securing an income for myself.

And so – I compromised my dreams for money – and this point opened up to me as I listened to a Life Review of someone that also compromised his dreams for money; he was born in a elitist family, and brought up and schooled from a young age to take over his families business – while his real interest and passion was art. He grew up fascinated with the great masters of the paintbrush, and he was discovering new techniques, investigating and learning more about the craft – until one day when he was 14 years old – this day his mother and father came into his room and told him that – that was it – from now on he’s to learn how to become a successful business owner and stop his obsession with painting; and they took away all of his art, paintbrushes, frames, art books etc. There was no fighting, he simply gave into the wishes of his parents – as he realized that if he fought he’d probably be disowned and live a life of insecurity wherein he wouldn’t have access to any money, and the surety of being wealthy – and so he compromised his dreams for money.

What I realized as I listened to this review was that we can’t in-fact live our dreams in this system as it currently exist – thus I saw that the solution for me to be able to live out my dreams and passion was not to give up upon my current education – or stand within the system and go and live out my desire to become a musician in the system – no because I saw and realized that the problem wasn’t that I didn’t live out my dreams but the problem was that in this current money system – dreams can’t be lived out at all – in anyway what-so-ever. Even if I’d chosen to walk the path of a musician, I would’ve still been forced to compromise myself and my artistic expression in order to gain sufficient with attention from others in order to make money – and then I still wouldn’t have been able to live out my passion fully.

So, I don’t regret myself for compromising my dreams for money – because money is in-fact essential in this current system, and without it we’re fucked – and because of that everyone’s dreams are compromised, as we’re all in a constant hunt and competition in order to gain sufficient with money to survive. Thus – that I compromised my dreams for money was a common sense decision, wherein I saw that the path of music was financially uncertain, while the path of walking a higher education wasn’t – which is a truth that can’t be denied – yet let’s not forget that this truth is completely fucked up and obviously no one should ever have to compromise their dreams for money – no one.

But in our current system no one can live out their dreams, no one can live their passion – as we’re all slaves to money – we’re all dependent upon money – we’re all caught in the game of money and if we don’t play along we won’t survive this world – as such a new economic system must be established for us to be able to live out what it is that we really find stimulating, interesting, fascinating and enjoyable – a system within which we don’t require to compromise ourselves for money in order to survive, but wherein we’re instead supported to pursue our desires to express ourselves in certain ways, develop our talents and passions, and truly live.

Thus if you recognize yourself in this, as you also saw within yourself as you got to know yourself in this world – that there were certain things you really loved to do – found utterly fascinating and enjoyable – but that you couldn’t pursue due to money – or rather the constant lack of money – then I really recommend that you watch this video – this Life Review – and realize that as long as we’re in a system that doesn’t support us to enjoy ourselves and follow what we’re passionate about – we won’t ever be able to truly experience and give ourselves to that which we love. We need a new system – a Equal Money System – were we’re all equal since birth – no one born in debt – no one born in wealth – but all equal – and where work is done for the pleasure of it and not because of survival – such a world is possible yet we have to create it – don’t wait for it to come, let’s bring it here!

FAQ Cars In An Equal Money System – Who Will Make Them And Who Will Get Them?

There will still be cars in an Equal Money System, yet there won’t be a array of different brands, standards, price classes and variations – there will be one single type of car – the best car available; the conscription force of the Equal Money System will be responsible of building the cars.

Whether each and every citizen of an Equal Money System will have his or her own car is still not certain, the question that will be asked, and answered in order to determine such a point will be, is it necessary? Is it what’s best for all? There won’t be the same urge in an Equal Money System for all to have their own car – the reason being that in an Equal Money System interaction, communication, and neighborly love between humans will expand – as such fewer will want to drive around in a car all the time, when there is more fun things to do.

Though at the moment, what’s certain is that there will be cars, and these cars will be located at various logistic points, where you go and get your car, when you’re in need of one. As such, you’ll get yourself the car you acquire, and then you’d be free to go where you wanted to go – around the world? Or too your mothers uncle in the neighbor town? That is up to you.

Obviously the cars with the least environmental damaging wastages will be used – and cars will be made to give the best protection possible to it’s passengers, as accidents will still happen, though in an Equal Money System, accidents will be less devastating – as all cars will be the best when it comes to protection.

Further, all alcoholic beverages will be banned – which will have a major effect on the car traffic; less people will die by the hands of drunken drivers – as drunk driving will be seen and understood for what it really is – attempt at murder – as you by your full senses, by drinking, take a decision that will decrease your ability to drive a car, and such rise the likelihood of you harming someone – that is murder if you then kill someone, or at least attempt at murder when you don’t.

Thus, in an Equal Money System, you’ll be protected from being harmed due to a decision that isn’t in anyway your own – such as a drunk harming you, or your family – through driving recklessly and without any consideration. You hade no part in the decision to drink – and as such the decision to drink isn’t a free choice, as it wasn’t free for all – but for those that become affected, and harmed by such a decision – they never made that choice. Alcohol will as such be banned as the devastating and dangerous drug that it in-fact is.

As for the choices to be done in terms of what role cars will play in our future – and how this point will become more specifically placed, this will be a decision made by the group as one – wherein humanity come together and make a decision upon the basis of what is best for all – considering all the relevant points.