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Day 7: Patience – Patience – Patience

A couple of days ago I wrote about the point of slowing down – you can read it here – and this blog will be somewhat of a sequel to that blog – because here I will expand on the point of patience.

Now – looking at my life I can see that one of my big weaknesses has been that I lack patience – this can be seen in how I in my life thwarted around and immersed myself in all kinds of interests and hobbies – and for a short while I was intently submerged into a point of interest – and with discipline and dedication I walked the point – but then I came to a point wherein I felt that “nothing is moving” – “I am not learning fast enough!” – “Why is it going so slow!?” – and within that – I almost always stopped participating in the point that I was pursuing; and then I went to the next point.

Further – I am also able to see my ineffectiveness of living patience in relation to how I approach new projects, and points in my world – I have a tendency to go completely one hundred percent into the point – completely dedicating myself to eat – yet doing this within a frantic hastiness – of “wanting to have results!” – “wanting to get there!” – and so I will usually attempt and try to advance and go beyond my abilities – and challenge myself – more than what I am actually capable of handling – and within doing that I will actually decrease my ability of walking the point – and in the long run compromise myself.

tumblr_lyqirs81EX1qjf359o1_500What is then being patient? And how do I live patience? For those of you reading this that has no concept of what patience is – or how to live – I suggest listening to this interview. Now – according what I’ve seen patience is being very meticulous, and certain – you’re walking each moment – breath by breath – and there is no haste – because within yourself you’re certain that no matter how long it takes – one day you’re going to get there – and thus patience is to take one’s time – and to be comfortable in accepting and allowing points to take time.

Within this I am able to see how I’ve in my process – as I began walking my process – not allowed myself to take the time to get to know the material – and to get to understand, and slowly integrate the understanding of what it means to walk self-honesty – and breath – instead I simply threw myself into process – and completely went for it one hundred percent – which is cool in itself – yet it’s quite important to within doing this still take into consideration myself – and what I am throwing myself into won’t necessarily be something that I can master, and learn to control in one minute – and that it’s unrealistic to have such expectations unto myself.

Thus – I am able to see that living patience will make my life a lot more comfortable – and my process a lot more relaxed so to speak – wherein I accept and allow myself to walk each point that arise in my mind in specificity – in detail – slowly but surely – not trying to walk faster – and not trying to walk slower – merely walking in breath – walking each point until that point is clear – and corrected and then taking the next.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define patience as a weakness – as something that will only slow me down – and slow my progress down – and make me be able to do less in this life – complete less – and achieve less – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand – that patience is really the key to being able to master – and perfect really difficult points – and create points that are sound – that are whole – and do not have any mistakes – because I’ve been patient in walking the point

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach myself, and points in my world from a starting point of forceful hastiness – as “wanting to get things done now” – “Wanting to not waste time – but to move on and take on the next point!” – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that I am really not wasting my time in being patient with myself – I am in-fact using the time effectively – because I am walking here accepting and allowing myself to walk what is relevant – and what is effective for me to walk – and not walk above my capabilities – and try to be somewhere else but here in this moment with and as my human physical body

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach new situations from a starting point of forceful hastiness – as feeling that unless I walk this point fast – and time-effectively – I am going to loose my life to this point and be able achieve less in my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so focused upon achieving – getting there – doing that – completing that – becoming a success in that – that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to smell the roses – and the be with my breath – and to walk slowly but surely – not trying do everything at once – but to see that I am only able to do as much as a breath here allows for

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live patience – as in accepting and allowing myself to embrace failure – to be completely calm and stable in facing failure – and to simply see that I require to go back to the drawing board – and look at how I manifested this failure – and then face the point again – and being within this calm – and eternally patient – as in seeing that I will walk this particular point for myself into and as eternity if it’s required – until I do perfect this point

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as, and move from a starting point of trying to save my time – and trying to protect myself from loosing time – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s impossible to save time – as time will inevitably pass – though what is possible is to live within oneness and equality here with and as time – walking breath by breath – and using that time that is HERE effectively – instead of trying to save time; as such I commit myself to use the time that is here effectively – through being fully here – and accepting and allowing myself to walk the points that open and emerge here – fully – wholesomely – and completely – without separating myself in my mind as “places I have to go, and things I have to do” – but remaining here

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I am looking at, and defining patience as a weakness – as something that will slow me down – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that patience is something that the mind resists – because patience implies being specific – physical – and HERE – and walking each moment that open up here in oneness and equality with the physical – with and as the detail of this physical moment here – and not spend time in my mind – as such I commit myself to be patient here with and as myself – and walk each moment in oneness and equality with and as my human physical body – and be aware of the details of this moment here

2. When and as I see that I am approaching points in my world from a starting point of forceful hastiness – as “wanting to get things done now” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – in approaching situations, and new points from this starting point – I am in-fact debilitating my ability to learn – expand – and grow with and as the point that I am facing – and I am instead running through the point – in-fact running past the point and into the wall on the other side; as such I commit myself to stop running inside myself – to stop forcing points – and instead accept and allow myself to be here with and as the natural flow of the moment – as the flow of a breath – in and out – in and out

3. When and as I see that I am approaching a new situation from a starting point of forceful hastiness – as feeling that unless I walk this point fast – and time-effectively – I am going to loose my life to this point and be able to achieve less in my life – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – the only point that I am able to loose is myself – and I will loose myself through not being HERE – present – breathing – and aware of myself as my human physical body – that is when I loose myself for real – as such I commit myself to stop loosing myself through going into stress – and fear – and running inside my mind – and instead spend each moment to find myself here – within and as my human physical body – here as breath

4. When and as I see that I am not accepting and allowing myself to live patience – as I am facing failure – and as I see that I’ve not taken into account particular points and this caused me to make a mistake; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that patience is the key in relation to perfecting skills, abilities, and points in this reality – patience – and persistence – keeping at it – and not giving into giving up; as such I commit myself to be patient – to set long term goals – and not be shortsighted as the mind – but to see that certain points will take a long time to put into practice – and there is nothing bad, or wrong about that

5. When and as I see that I am participating, and moving myself from within and as a starting point of trying to save my time – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that time can’t be saved – time can be lived – but it can’t be saved – and living time is something that is a decision in every moment – as deciding that I am present here in this very moment – and that I am living and expressing myself here; as such I commit myself to live time – stop searching for, and attempting save time – but to instead use the time here through practicing being present and aware in every moment of breath

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Day 5: Slow Down Man

For some weeks now I’ve been practicing some pieces on the guitar that are particularly difficult – for example: one song that I am practicing is made by Jimi Hendrix – and as most know – he was a very technically distinguished guitar-player – and as such it’s been hard for me to imitate and learn the particular playing techniques.

Though, in walking this process of learning some difficult songs I’ve realized one important point – that I’ve seen is a key in terms of really being able to learn a difficult song – and play it without mistakes and with the same technical mastery as it’s original creator – and this one point is – take it slow.

So – when I am learning a song I am pushing myself to practice, and rehearse the particular section of the song, the particular notes that I am to play – very slow – and in this I am allowing my fingers to become comfortable with the particular technique, and way of playing – and then slowly I am increasing the speed – and putting more effort into practicing the parts that I find especially difficult – slowly but surely building a physical comfortableness towards being able to play the song – fast – and accurate – and at the same time effortless.

Within doing this I’ve made some interesting observations about myself, and about how process functions – and is to be walked. What I’ve seen in terms of myself is that – I’ve had a tendency through out my life to walk points FAST – walk them NOW – get them DONE – here – okay done! Next point! And within this I’ve not allowed myself to learn a particular skill solidly – in really cementing that particular skill in the very cells of my physical body – I’ve not allowed myself to build a steady foundation before I move unto the more advanced stuff.

For example – I could see that how I’ve not done this in relation to my guitar-playing – and accordingly my guitar-playing is generally filled with many small technical mistakes – when I play fast on the guitar I tend to miss notes, and I miss strings with my plectrum – or I hit a wrong note – and that is because I’ve not slowly, but surely practiced my speed – and made sure that I have a solid foundation of having a effective technique on the guitar – before I move on to play faster on the guitar.

Now – in terms of process – I can see how the exact same principle applies here as with the guitar playing – and how I’ve done the exact same thing in relation to process that I’ve done in relation to my guitar playing. Process is best walked SLOWLY wherein – I allow myself to build a foundation, and slowly but surely accumulate knowledge – understanding insight – and how I then form a foundation – and I begin to practice this knowledge in practical living – doing it slowly – being specific – noticing where my technique is not perfect – and then going back to re-establish my foundation – and then slowly but surely perfect my technique.

As a practical example – I notice that I react in fear when I meet a certain individual in my world – I mean – then the slow approach would be to first sit down and write about the point – not react in judgment towards the point – not feel that I “have the correct the point now!” – but instead taking my time in accumulating my understanding, and insight in relation to the point – then – when I have all the information – I apply self-forgiveness – and commitments – and then I walk the correction – and I observe my application – and if there are still reactions – I go back to the drawing board – and I yet again sit down to investigate how it is that I am still holding unto some part of the mind – the key here being to let the process of stopping a particular pattern take the time it requires – to not try to force it – but to walk it through from the foundation – to perfecting my application – and doing that in such a way that I really do get to a state of being perfect in my application.

So – looking at it like this – the process of learning to play guitar – and becoming a excellent guitar player – is the same process as learning to live – and becoming a living expression – as a living and breathing human-being here – what’s important is to walk it slowly – and get the foundation built meticulously and with specificity – and then when the basics are settled – to then start to move myself into the more advanced stuff.

This entire point of taking it slow – and taking my time – and being patient – and walking every moment – this is something that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to give to myself in my process – or in my life in general – instead my life has been like a fucking race to try to get somewhere – and within this I’ve compromised myself – because I’ve not allowed myself to develop a effective foundation – and get to perfect the basics – before I set myself to perfect the advanced.

In looking at where this comes from – I can see that I’ve through-out my life always strived to be the best – and feel like I am the best – and as such I’ve never wanted to settle with only knowing the basics – because I’ve wanted to immediately become more – and get to that place – get ahead – and become more advanced – what I didn’t see was how this type of mentality and attitude really in-fact backfires – because sure – you’ll be able to do the advanced stuff – yet it won’t be particularly good – it won’t be particularly effective – and there will really be more mistakes done – than things being done correctly.

Thus – what I am going to practice giving to myself – and living in my life is – to take things slow – and to walk the basics – and to not stress – force points – and this applies not only to my process – but to everything in my life – from my studies – my guitar playing – in essence any form of process that I am walking wherein I am building a skill – this is where I must take into consideration the fact that I can only go to the advanced – when I’ve a effective understanding of the basics – of the very plain and rudimentary points within the skill that I’ve set myself to learn.

Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress, and attempt, and try to force myself to get ahead – and to develop new skills – and to move faster – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand – that I will move faster – in moving slower – that I will learn and become more effective – when I accept and allow myself to take my time and develop the basics – the very foundation upon which I am going to stand in terms of developing the more advanced aspects of the point that I am walking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to achieve, to learn fast, and to become the best – and the ultimate – as fast as possible – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand how this type of desire, and want is really ego – and how it’s not resulting in my actually moving myself forward – and expanding myself – but is more resulting in my time-looping – and developing a seemingly advanced expression – but it’s really just a paper-tiger – that can be washed away in one moment – because I haven’t established a effective and sound foundation in terms of what it is that I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice walking slowly – walking with patience – being specific and precise – and developing the basics and the foundation with meticulous attention to the details – in accepting allowing myself – to take each point that I am walking to perfection – taking it slowly but surely to perfection – seeing that there is no reason to stress – or try to force a faster movement – because it won’t result in me becoming better anyway – it will only result in me accumulating my own fall at a later stage – wherein I will fall down and crumble because I didn’t effectively establish a sound foundation – and get to develop the basics effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that one of the reasons as to why this world is fucked up – and why there are so many accidents – why there are so many failed human-beings – is because the education system – and the labor system – is set up around money – wherein money demands that the human being moves pressured by time – to produce a particular result during this time – not taking into consideration that a skill can’t develop by a expectation in relation to time – but must develop organically – and in relation to my movement with and as my human physical body – which is not something that can be determined in hours, or minutes – but is something that develops HERE – in the time it takes – which might be a year – or simply some days

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself on a breath, by breath basis – in accepting and allowing myself to not move – and force myself according to time – but to instead move myself with and as my human physical body – in taking into consideration where my human physical is in this breath – and where I am within this breath – and looking at the actuality of what is here – not looking at where I apparently should be – as a expectation formulated by the idea that I should move a particular distance in a particular amount of time – and then trying to enforce this idea through moving myself in hastiness and stress – instead of taking my time – being patient – and moving myself with and as my human physical body here

Self-commitments
When and as I see that am forcing movement – that I am trying to move myself beyond my capabilities without first establish a effective foundation, and learning – mastering the basics – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – I require to master – and get effective within the basics – the elementary – before I move unto more advanced stuff – else the advanced stuff will be crap – because I can’t handle the point; as such I commit myself to be patient with myself – to move myself in equilibrium with and as my capacity in seeing what I am able to handle – and then pushing myself gently forward – in making sure that I get all the points effectively down – before I move to the next point

When and as I seeing that I am forcing myself from a starting point of thinking that “I want to get there! I want to be the best and not only average!” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that I will only ever be able to truly master a point when I allow myself to take it slow – and to walk and perfect the basics – and the naturally develop the advanced stuff – and within this I also see that there is nothing to gain in being the “best” – it’s only an idea that I’ve accumulated and defined myself in relation to – and not something that is actually real; as such I commit myself to slow down – and to see that when I walk it slow – I really in-fact walk it fast – because I won’t have to back when I am at the advanced stuff – and re-build my foundation – because I got the points down during the time I walked through them – because I gave myself the necessary time

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