Tag Archives: group

Day 421: A House Divided Cannot Stand

A house divided cannot stand.

And unfortunately – humanity is a house divided. We are divided because we become too attached to our own personal lives – too involved in the belief that our life is what matters the most – and far removed from the notion that humanity is one race – living on one planet – all breathing the same air – all exposed to the same conditions – all made of flesh and blood. We are all from earth – though from the moment we are born – our devolution into personality begins. And this is why we as of yet are unable to manifest lasting and effective change for all people on earth to have the best life possible – we are too separated from one another.

Imagine if all of us would feel the pain of everyone else. The moment one starve, everyone would experience the deep pain, the slow decomposition and deterioration of muscles and fat and the increasing fear of death. How different our world would be. In such a world – there would be no wars – the pain of such an event would be excruciating – far too extreme to outweigh any form of reward. In such a world there would be enormous investments made to empower and better the lives of the poor, sick and elderly – as everyone would experience the consequences. Actions that further the empowerment of humanity as a whole would be rewarded and seen as distinguished acts – because these would lessen the pain and increase the sense of well-being for everyone.

Imagine such a world – a world where our nervous system would be connected to everyone else’s – no separation – no hiding. In our real world, there is no such thing – here we must rely on our empathy and our ethereal connection to earth/life/the physical – and this has been a complete failure. We are in most cases unable to stand together, to feel one another, and to care for one another. Our political opinions are proof of that – because how are we able to have different opinions of what would be best if we would not be divided and each of us have our own agenda and idea of what is best.

Living oneness and equality practically is not easy. The challenge is to remain stable and considerate when survival triggers comes into play, such as hunger, deprivation of sleep, cold or excessive heat. And I would say that for most people that is impossible – we are deeply programmed on a physical level to preserve ourselves and our survival. However – when our survival is granted – interesting things happen.

I recently watched a documentary called the boat. It was about a sociological experiment on conflicts. The researcher had the idea that only in a pressured state would the true nature of human beings come forth. Therefore he constructed a small boat with a sail, designed to keep 12 people in very close proximity. The boat was inhabited with a mixture of people from different ethnicities, cultures, religions and colors of skin – with the idea that this would be potential causes of conflict. The state of fear was supposed to be induced by the fact that these people would sail in the boat over the Atlantic, drifting with the currents and also using the sail – a difficult and potentially life-threatening journey.

What happened was interesting. Instead of conflict – what occurred was that the people started to working together, form a tightly knitted team, to effectively deal with the external dangerous that they were exposed to. Instead of becoming divided, they becoming united, solidified, and strong as one group. The researcher became increasingly frustrated – because he expected conflict – and even though the conditions seemed to be perfect – nothing happened. And thus he attempted to provoke conflicts between the members of the group, without result.

In the end the researcher viewed the experiment as a failure – because he had not learned anything about conflicts. However – what I see is that the experiment does show some very important points when it comes to conflict and fighting between people. Firstly – fighting and conflicts are very much a result of how we have designed our current system – where all are pushed into a state of survival and are pitted against one another in a capitalistic race. If we compare to the boat, there each participant were dependent on the other members of the group – and there was no systematic competition – instead the group competed against external elements to empower itself and its members.

Secondly – in the boat scenario – there were no shortages of food, water or accommodation – and the resources on the ship were to my knowledge distributed equally between the members of the group. This is a point that is in stark contrast the normal society were resources are distributed arbitrarily to the people that happen to have the most money – and there is no regard for any innate value in human beings – as each are only valued according to the amount of money that they have.

What is interesting thus is that this researcher actually created circumstances on his boat that allowed for peace and mutual cooperation to come through – even though he thought that he was creating an environment that would induce massive amounts of conflict.

Thus – to get back to the initial point. If we want to be able to create a new world, a new way, where everyone gets to have a life of dignity – a life of love and enjoyment – we need to start working together – start encouraging our strides forward no matter how small they might be – and stop dividing. We do not need more opinions – we need more understanding. And we do not need more leaders – we need more groups that stand and work together as one towards creating a better life for everyone.


 

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Day 318: Insider or Outsider, Where Do You Want To Be?

Have you ever felt like an outsider? The word is usually used in the context of social interaction, the forming and shaping of groups, friendships, and other social structures – and it identifies the individuals that are not part of the social structure that has developed. In the dictionary, an outsider is, among other things, defined as a person who is not accepted by or who isolates themselves from society.

Looking at the emotional charge of the word, it has a definitive negative emotional connotation. Being an outsider is not something that is defined as a positive characteristic of a person, and hence, many of us, are very much fearful of excommunication, of bullying, and being pushed away from our current social setting, that is to say, from the group within which we have come to define ourselves. Existing within such a fear is a limitation, and hence it is clear that, for anyone feeling like an outsider, the solution is not to strive to become an insider, the solution is not to build your self-image, and self-value upon you being part of a group. For us to be self-reliant, self-confident, effective people with integrity to be able to stand for what we see is best for all, there cannot be any emotional dependency on a group of people.

Being an outsider is however not a solution, and what I have found in my own process of walking through and directing the ‘outsider-character’ is that it is also a mind-construct with a core point of fear. Here the fear is also that of being excommunicated and pushed out from the group, however the tactic is different. Instead of playing along with the game, and aiming to be accepted and loved by a group, the strategy is to never be part of a group to begin with, because then the fear of being rejected by a group will never materialize. It is a more cunning way of avoiding the hurtful experience of rejection, however, it is also severely limiting our potential as human beings to expand, form relationships and get to know people.

The solution is not to try and make ourselves friends with everyone, and the solution is not to become an outsider and push people away. What I have realized is that in order to transcend this polarity of either being an insider, or an outsider, we have to deal with the core issues – and that is in both cases – fear. For me, this fear has consisted out of the fear of rejection, fear of not being accepted, fear of not being liked and fear of not fitting in.

To deal with these fears, what I did was that I asked myself questions, such as the following: ‘Why do I fear rejection? Why do I fear not being accepted? Why do I fear not being liked and not fitting in?’ – and what came through here is that all of these fears relate back to me – and that I have not developed a sufficient self-standing, self-acceptance, and self-value. Because would I be able to fear rejection if I knew that regardless of what happened, I would always stand with and by myself and be fulfilled and whole in that? And would I fear not being liked or fitting in, if I would enjoy myself, and perfectly well, fit into my own life the way I see is best for all?

The answer to those questions is no – and as such we are able to learn a lot about ourselves through investigating how we feel around groups of people, how we interact, how we think and whether we decide to become an outsider or an insider. I have found that our emotional experiences is only ever a consequence of a misalignment in our relationship with ourselves, and should only be used as a guiding light to find the real underlying issues.

I have found that the most efficient way to direct these underlying issues, which are the real problem, is to LIVE WORDS. The process of living words is easy to understand and it is being thoroughly walked through at the School of Ultimate Living, which I suggest anyone interested in changing deep seated compromising habits and patterns to pay a visit to. Living Words basically means that we establish a word, with a definition, that effectively serves as a placeholder for a new expression we want to establish in our lives, and then we put that new expression into practice.

With me, I established that the word self-acceptance would assist and support me to change my experience of myself. I looked at how I could express this word in my day-to-day living – in this I saw that I regularly throughout my days – judged myself for how I interacted with people. I thought back on my interactions either defining them as ‘good’ or as ‘bad’. I defined a interaction as good when there was a flow to the conversation and a natural comfortableness between the other person and I. The interaction was defined as bad when there was a miscommunication, an emotion coming through, uncertainty coming to the surface, or some other external or internal event occurred that stopped the ‘flow’ in the moment.

Then I could see that an effective way of living self-acceptance would be to stop these assessments of myself and my social interactions with others – and to replace this assessment chatter with me accepting myself in the moment of interaction – and doing that through relaxing my body, feeling my breath, and bringing myself back HERE whenever I could see that this assessment chatter wanted to come up within me. Hence practically developing and LIVING self-acceptance – and through this process I have been able to change my experience of myself when it comes to groups – where I am not anymore as afraid of what people might think of me, and how well I fit in, or whether I am liked or not.

Living words is a efficient way of transcending the polarity of being an insider or outsider – and it places the focus back on self. Because it is not about whether we feel apart of the group or not, it is all a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves – and hence – all of our lives can be used as a support for us to get to know ourselves more intimately and establish new patterns and expressions that are best for all.


Other blogs on this topic:

Day 577 – Do I not belong?

437. What to Do when Feeling like an Outcast?

Outsiders – day 695

461: You Don’t Have to be an Outsider – Invite Yourself In

Day 1102: Stepping out of Your Comfort Zone

Day 148- Isolating Myself from Relationship’s

The Outsider – Day 511

Learn more about this way of living:

Day 169: I Look Like an Actor!

Today I faced a reaction that played out in a humorous way. So, the context was the following: I was hanging out with some people, and we were discussing, interacting and participating – suddenly one of the individuals points out that I look a lot like an actor – and in that moment I immediately reacted in feeling boisterous, and swell – “HAHA I look like an actor!” – was my initial thought; that must mean I look really good!

Then the humorous twist entered into the picture, because the individual then proceeded to show me a picture of the actor I looked like, and to my disappointment the actor was an man in his fifties that wasn’t at all particularly attractive or good looking – and when I saw that I had this strong reaction of embarrassment as well as disappointment. What came up within me was also a form of tension in my chest area – and that was fear – the fear of being laughed and ridiculed in-front of others as not being attractive – but instead looking old and ugly.

Thus, in this blog I will work with this particular reaction that came up as anxiety, fear and embarrassment.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to how I look, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire others see me as beautiful, as a movie-star, as something that stands out as having a unique appeal, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become happy, and feel excited when and as I believe that someone is commenting on my appearance positively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear, anxiety and embarrassment when and as someone points out that I don’t have that picture perfect appearance and that I instead look old, and ugly, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to have others see me and value me according to my appearance, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my appearance is my everything, and that what people think of me is the most important thing in my life and that I as such require to look like a movie star and have people in my world think positively of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire that others are to comment upon me positively – and to speak of my looks positively – and to when and as they look at me – they are going to be impressed with me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed within and as my desire to impress upon others with how I look

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a memory of my past wherein my mother commented upon how I looked, and she said to me that I was beautiful and more so than others, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to this memory, and think of myself that because my mother defined me, and told me that I was beautiful, and I had a positive experience in relation to this, that because of this it meant that I require to search and walk in my life in search for attempting and trying to re-create that experience and again have someone speak to me and tell me that I am beautiful and attractive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to have others care for me, and like me through me being attractive, and likable, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a positive experience, to search for a positive energy confirmation wherein my appearance is confirmed by another as being attractive and sexual, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself self-care, and self-love, and give to myself this point of being calm and at ease with myself regardless of how I look, or how others perceive me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need and require another to make me whole and to give me a warm feeling of care, and comfort, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a memory of my mother commenting on my exterior, and saying to me that I am attractive, and beautiful, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed and controlled within and as this desire to be accepted and hold by another and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not hold myself – and comfort myself – and accept and allow myself to stop searching for someone to comment upon me and create a feeling within me of me being whole – and that I instead in every moment breath myself back into my body and realize that I am here – that I am whole – that I am already what I require and what I need and that I don’t have to have someone comment positively on my physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried, concerned and nervous as to how others judge my exterior, as to how they judge how I smell, as to how they judge how I move myself, participate and speak – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as, and be on a constant search, and mission to attempt and try to be accepted by others, so that I can feel comforted, and cared for – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not comfort, and care for myself – and give myself that unconditional acceptance – that unconditional love of not anymore trying to fit in and be accepted and gain attention for something in my life – or how I look – or what I do – but that I am instead worthing myself unconditionally and that I stop trying to fight in order to become someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to how others look, and go into and as a competition with others, specifically males, wherein I want to show and prove to others that I have the most attractive exterior and appearance, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my value will come from me being seen as attractive, and as having a beautiful appearance, and having someone comment upon that – and that this is the only way that I’ll be able to stand up in this world and make something out of myself – through proving and showing to others that I am the most beautiful – and that I am the most attractive – and that I am the most desirable – in believing that my value is relative to the value I believe others have assigned to themselves

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am defining myself according to how I look, I stop, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am not limited nor defined by how I look – I decide my value, my worth and my purpose, not how I look – and thus I commit myself to breath myself back in my physical body – and be here physically with my touch, with my breath, with my senses, and feel my physical body and realize that this is what is real – not the image and the experience of my image that I have coming up in my mind

I commit myself to stop searching for someone to notice me and I commit myself to apply this point of me noticing myself as who I am – as a being – as someone that goes beyond looks and exterior appearance – and see that there is more to me than this – and thus I commit myself to value myself as how I express myself and how I walk and participate physically here – and not define myself through an image

Day 158: Social ineptness

So, today some fascinating points have come in relation to the point that I’ve opened up and committed myself to walk through to COMPLETION – the general point is that of social angst – yet this point contain many various dimensions, and a new dimension that I noticed today is in relation to a belief that I hold of myself – the belief that I am socially inept – that I am somehow worse than others at being social and that my natural expression is not sufficiently socially acceptable – and that I as such require to mold and emulate my expression to be more acceptable.

Some context: I was hanging out with some persons that are new in my world, and it was a fresh environment for me, so I didn’t really know how to place myself in it, and who I should be. As I observed myself interact in this new environment, and these new persons, I saw that what I held within me was this general experience of ‘I am less’ – and the consequential outflow of me holding unto this point of ‘I am less’ was that I didn’t express myself within the self-confidence, comfortableness, and ease that I know I am capable of – instead my expression was more held back, passive, and hesitating – not as I would express myself with for example, my family, or my partner, where I am much more at ease with myself.

Thus, why is it that I have this ‘I am less’ experience?

From what I am able to see, it’s actually a form of protection mechanism, because when I hold myself in this ‘I am less’-character – I don’t show myself, I don’t open up, and I am not really HERE – the logic here is that I am then ‘protected’ – though the part that doesn’t make sense is why I’d like to feel protected and in that sacrifice my natural expansive expression?

Really, the question must be asked, I am in-fact protecting myself from a realistic fear, or is it but an assumption that I’ve made, that if I accept and allow myself to step out of my protections, I will be ‘hurt’ and ‘attacked’? And is there really such a thing as being mentally hurt and attacked?

I’d say – NO – there isn’t – and accordingly this shyness character, this ‘I am less’-character is not something that is supportive for me – and thus I must further practice living myself out of this habitual suppression tactic and realize that it’s really nothing dangerous out there, and that there are lot’s of things to do, many people to get to know, and projects to walk, if I accept and allow myself to step out of my character of diminishment, and be myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am interacting with people, and placing myself in a new environment, and with people that I don’t yet have a long-term relationship, to take in the position of ‘I am less’ within myself, and go into a state and condition of being shy, passive, and held back, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto this state of being, through believing that when I am in this state of passivity I am protecting myself from harm, and accordingly I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to convince myself, and believe that there is some gigantic harm awaiting for me out there, if I’d accept and allow myself to step it up, and walk out of my shell, and practice self-confidence, self-trust, and self-authority, and be at ease and comfortable with myself regardless of situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that with other people, with so-called strangers, I am required to put on a mask, and be more passive, and held-back, in the belief that apparently, with strangers, if I would express myself, I would become attacked, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this belief that ‘I will be attacked’ isn’t in anyway substantiated within me with facts, it’s but an experience, but a fear coming up within me, that I pay attention to and live according to, without having cross-referenced with physical reality whether or whether not this fear is actually real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, and accept myself as held back, shy and insecure, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that I require and must be stuck in this experience, and movement of myself as insecure, and shy, and believe that this is something I must just accept, and that there is nothing I am able to do about it, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself in moments when I notice I go into this shyness, and passive character, to say – NO – and practice, physically, practically living self-confidence, and living self-trust – through straightening my back, and looking people in the eye, and communicating with a clear and stable voice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am with others, to participate within and as, and go into a fear that ‘they are talking behind my back’ and that ‘everything I do or say will be used against me’ – and ‘I don’t know what they are thinking about me’ – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a fear of how others are going to perceive and experience my expression, and fear that I am going to say or do something that will be termed socially inept, and accordingly I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry more about what others think about me, rather than me living and participating and moving myself as my human physical body, practically, physically, here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that others are to invite me into their life’s, and give me a sense and experience of ease and comfortableness, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for others to make me comfortable, instead of me pushing, and willing myself to be comfortable, to be at ease, and to trust myself and be confident, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that only I am able to give this point to myself, and as such I must practice this point, and one point relation to self-confidence that I see I must practice to walk out of this shyness character, is stopping blaming, judging and attacking myself when I am do a mistake – or when a social interaction doesn’t turn out ‘cool’ – because when I judge myself I make myself more self-conscious and less effective at simply being myself, and trusting myself here – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and will myself to trust myself – and to love myself and live these words as myself through stopping judging and being hard on myself when I notice I make a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will immediately be able to step out of my shyness and ‘I am less’-character and that it will go without mistakes, and without effort – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it will be a effort to bring myself out of this particular character, and how it will be a process that will take time, application, and presumably, many mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to make mistakes, to test things out, and to apply corrections, and not be afraid or worried that they won’t work, and realize that if I fail, or make a mistake, I can simply re-consider and re-align the point, and bring the point into a correction with is effective and works for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the general crowd of people in my life thinks that I am strange and dislikes, and likes other people more than what they like me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as this fear and anxiety, the moment I say something, or share myself with another, that my words, and my expression, is going to cause within another a judgment, and a thought that: “I don’t like you” – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice and suppress my natural and easy-going expression as myself – in fear of what others think about me – in fear of how others feel about me – not seeing, realizing and understand that it’s obviously not cool for me to bind myself up in fear and justify this through thinking that I must have each and everyone like me

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into the shyness, and passiveness, and ‘I am less’-character, which I can see through me becoming held back, slouching my shoulders, and becoming hesitant in relation to whether I should speak or not, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I commit myself to live self-confident – and live this through straightening my back, breathing effectively and relaxing my physical body, accepting and allowing myself to caress myself within and as myself, and hold myself, and then move myself in the moment within and as self-trust – and confidence – as me being stable and living the fact that I am an equal with others – neither less – neither more

I commit myself to stop fearing that others are speaking behind my back, and that others are creating negative experiences in relation to me, and that they are creating resistances towards me – and accordingly I commit myself to trust myself, to stand by myself, and dare to live self-honesty, and have the courage of me being stable and expressive, and the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow, regardless of what another might or might not think about me – and I commit myself to live this correction through stating NO – I will not accept and allow these thoughts and emotions to overwhelm me – when and as I notice that this ‘what are others thinking of me ‘fear’ comes up within

Day 156: How Fitting In Is Really A Form of Fear

Yesterday I wrote about the point of fitting in, and today I am going to expand on this, and specifically look at the point of socializing, talking, and interacting, which is something that I often feel quite a discomfort towards doing – particularly when its with people that I have no close relationship with and that I don’t know particularly well. This fits in with the fitting in point, because I’ve realized, that when I worry, and feel uncomfortable around others, I loose my self-expression, and self-enjoyment, and these points are the fuel for socialization – because when I accept and allow myself to enjoy myself, and talk without fear, uninhibited, and without worry – that’s when I can socialize effectively.

I’ve also realized how much I accept and allow myself to become influenced by how I believe that others feel about me – for example – I will express myself in a situation openly, and playfully, and within that see that my expression isn’t positively received by those in my world – and in doing that I will start to become worried that there is something I’ve done wrong, that there is something I’ve not expressed correctly or as I should express it, and then I begin to suppress my self-expression, instead of realizing the simple point that – everybody will not like me – everybody will not feel pleasurable when I speak, and express myself – though that is not something that I can accept and allow to hold me back in life, because in doing that, I would live a life of suppressing myself and my natural self-expression, which is not something that I want to do.

So, what I am going to do in this blog is to apply self-forgiveness on the fears I have of other people, and also of accepting and allowing myself to become influenced by how I believe that others feel about me, and experience me – and I will also anchor this point in the physical through redefining the word self-confidence – because that is what I see that I lack – the self-confidence to be comfortable with myself, to trust myself, and to enjoy myself with others – and to not accept and allow how others experience themselves to effect how I experience myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approaching others, and talking with others as myself in natural self-expression, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within me, and an idea that my natural self-expression is not acceptable, its not cool, and its not likable, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hold myself back when and as I am communicating and interacting with others, in the belief that when I share myself I am not doing it correctly, and appropriately and as I apparently should do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being excommunicated, and fear that someone will think that I am immature, and childish when I am expressing myself, and that I am not following the social rules, norms, and regulations of how I should express myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself, and hold myself back in fear of what others are going to think about me, instead of me accepting and allowing myself to expand, and be confident in myself, and stand stable regardless of what others might think about me, or how others might perceive me, or how they might experience me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried when I speak with others, and hold myself on leash, wherein I am in a constant state of worry, and fear that I am going to say something that will be experienced in a wrong way, and that another will due to what I have said or expressed form a belief and idea of me that I am not likable, and that they don’t want to have anything to do with me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back around others, and suppress myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express myself, and approach others from within and as a starting point of wanting to fit in, and wanting to be accepted, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am approaching a moment from within and as this starting point, I am in-fact suppressing myself, and I am not accepting and allowing myself to be unconditional, and to be open, and to be myself with and around others – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push through my fear, and stand up within myself, and practice approaching communication, and interaction with others from within and as a starting point of self-confidence, and self-trust, and that I like myself, and stand with myself, regardless of how another feel about me, or what another experience in relation to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be unconditional and open in my expression when and as I approach others, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto insecurities and fears, and think that I am loner, and that I don’t have what it takes to be comfortable around others, and express myself with others, and that what I should do instead, is that I should hold myself back, and contain myself, and make sure that I just keep everything neutral and harmonious around me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear embracing my natural and flowing self-expression in the moment, and fear accepting and allowing myself to come out, and be myself with others – in the belief that myself is not appropriate and is not cool – and that myself as natural self-expression is not sufficiently well adopted and groomed for the social settings that I interact and move myself within and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I approach people in my world, to see them as my enemies, and to see them as people that are out to get me, and that I because of this require to hold myself back, and contain myself, and make sure that I am not to open, and to expressive, because then they might attack me and bring me down, or make me emotional, or sad, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself, and stand with myself, and support myself in moments with others, through accepting and allowing myself to express myself, communicate, and interact with others as myself, being natural, and effortless in my participation, and not accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when I make mistakes, but rather stand up immediately and get on it again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself through judging myself, and thinking that I have in moments expressed myself in a way that is wrong, and that because of this, nobody likes me, and nobody wants to be around me anymore, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me suppressing myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I’ve taken it personally, and that I begun judging myself, when and as I’ve perceived that others haven’t liked me, or experienced themselves positively around me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself through this point of taking it personally, and judging myself, and instead approach every moment, and every interaction with new eyes, and accepting and allowing myself to open up, be expressive, share myself, and enjoy myself with others without fear, or anxiety, or worry or concern

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and be hard on myself when I suppress myself, and when I hold myself back, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea, and belief that I should be able to immediately and without practice, and without walking a physical process of self-correction, express myself naturally and effortlessly around others, instead of realizing and understanding, that in order to create and live myself as this point of expression – I require to actively and continuously push myself in each and every moment of interaction and participation to be here – to speak – to share – and to be open to what is here in this moment

Self-commitments

I commit myself to practice living self-confidence, which I will do through approaching situations, and social interactions within me being open, expressive, and within that participate without fear, worry or concern, and instead accept and allow myself to share myself as my natural self-expression here in every moment of breath

I commit myself to practice living self-confidence as not accepting and allowing myself to be influenced, or to suppress, and withhold myself, when and as I see that someone is reacting to me, and how I share and express myself, but instead continue to move, and continue to express and be here – stable, and consistent within and as myself and not accept and allow myself to take it personally and judge myself when I notice that I am not liked by another; because I see, realize and understand that its not about being liked – its instead about me living, sharing and expressing myself fully – and not accepting and allowing myself to hold myself back in fear of what others might think about me

I commit myself to push myself to expand my social circles through communicating with new people – through striking up conversations with others when I see that there is a opportunity to do so – and as such push myself out of my shyness and fear bubble – and realize that I must make the decision to walk and apply this correction continuously – and accept and allow myself to seclude myself in a worry and fear bubble

Day 155: Fitting In

Today I faced a point in my world in regards to desire I’ve created within myself to fit in and be liked, and the context was the following: So, there is a person A in my world – now – I’ve noticed that person A seem to like some other persons more than what he likes me. When I’ve noticed this, I have come up within me, a reaction of sadness, despair, as well as blame, because apparently its persons A fault that I feel the way I feel, because he should like me equally as much as he likes these other persons.

Looking at the point in common sense, it’s obviously very ineffective to walk around in life, wanting to be liked by people, and also, defining myself according to whether I perceive myself as being liked, or disliked by others, because it creates the consequences, that I am like a bouncer – where I either bounce upwards, because I believe someone likes me, or I crash down, because I believe someone dislikes me – making me ineffective at that which is important in my life = caring and tending to my commitments and responsibilities, and walking my self-process, where the focus is me and who I am, and not on what others do or don’t do. Further, its impossible to make sure that anyone likes me, and thus its nonsensical to accept and allow my self-experience to be dependent upon such a uncertain and insubstantial point – much better that I instead remain the same – remain stable regard less of whether I am liked or disliked.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to whether I perceive that another dislike, or like me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad, and experience despair, and inferiority, when and as I perceive that another person in my life doesn’t like me, or likes me less than what he or she likes another – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the point of whether I am liked or disliked, of whether I have friends or I don’t have friends, of whether I am involved in a group or I am not involved in a group, instead of pushing myself to remain stable regardless of whether someone likes or dislikes me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want harmonious relationships in my life, where I am certain that everybody likes me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise, suppress and change myself around others, to make sure that they like me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a irrational fear of being disliked, and excommunicated from a group, in believing that my value is dependent upon whether I am invited and received by another as a friend, and as a positive point in another human beings life and world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I suspect that another dislikes me, to immediately go into and as sadness, and despair, and believe that another dislikes me, because there is something wrong with me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the natural, and normal state of things, should be that everyone likes me, that everyone experience me as a positive, and upbeat life force in their world, and that they want to have me around them, because they feel happy around me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value, and worth around the point of whether others are happy around me or not – instead of defining my value according to who I am, according to my self-application, and according to my own decision as to who I am in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for not liking me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that another is pulling me down in a emotional turmoil, because he, or she doesn’t like me, or appreciate me sufficiently, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that its not in-fact about the other, but its about my relationship with myself, and that this other person assists and supports me to reveal, and expose a certain dimension of my relationship with myself that I haven’t yet looked at and investigated specifically and effectively – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the blame, and instead be grateful that this other person assists and supports me in revealing certain self-compromising dimensions that exists within me that I haven’t yet dealt with and directed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think in my mind that my relationship with another is destroyed, and isn’t working, because the other person seemingly doesn’t like me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my relationship with another isn’t defined according to how another experience themselves, but is something that I define and create within myself, as I decide who I am, and as I decide what I will accept and allow, and what I will not accept and allow within me towards another – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my focus be upon how this person experience himself, instead of looking at how I exist within and as myself, and what I am able to do to bring this point into and as a solution for myself – and let go of my reactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my reactions with thinking that we simply don’t fit together, that we simply don’t agree with one another, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how in-fact, this is a self-compromise, that its not about the other person, but that its about what I accept and allow, and what I will not accept and allow within me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not define the context of this relationship, and place myself towards this other person specifically, in defining the purpose and direction of the relationship, and as such making sure that I know who I am in relation to the other point so that there exists no conflict within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I meet new people, to define and specifically direct the relationship within me, to specify what the relationship is, and who I am towards the relationship, why the relationship is in my world, and thus how I am in relationship to that particular person – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself go into conflict within myself, because I want all the relationships in my world to be that of friendships, of feeling pleasurable, and nice, and me within that feeling liked, instead of realizing that there are other forms of relationships in this world that doesn’t have this context, and where I require to align myself to the point from within and as a starting point that is in alignment with why the relationship exists in my world to begin with

Self-commitments

I commit myself to align my relationship to person A to be in relation to the context as to why the relationship is in my world, and to not expect, or want anything more out of it, than what the relationship is on a physical level – and thus I commit myself to let go of any hopes, and expectations of being liked, or loved, and instead keep it professional, and direct it according to what I see is best for the both of us in relation to where we are in our life’s

I commit myself to breathe through the reactions of despair, inferiority, and sadness, and instead align myself with my human physical body, and make the relationship with person A supportive in relation to the context as to why we have each-other in our worlds – and why we’ve meet – and as such not try to make something that it isn’t – or hope that it should be something different than what it is – I remain with what real – and what is here

Day 148: Realizing My Responsibility

I am continuing to expand on the commitments that I made – and today I am going to show how I’ve practically lived and applied in my life the commitment of: Realizing that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

This particular commitment implies a movement, a action, the living of a decision to place myself out there, to look at how and where I can place myself in this world to have an impact – in other words taking active responsibility for not only myself but the future of this world, humanity, earth, the animals and the world-system we as human beings live and exist within.

Early in my process I realized that in order for change to come through in this world, as well as in my personal life, I require to work together with others, I require to align myself with a group of people that hold the same intention as me, and then walk with them, and utilize the supportive environment of a group to strengthen, motivate, and make my presence in this life more powerful and impactful – accordingly I aligned myself with the group of Desteni – and through walking with the group of Desteni I have actively and on a regular basis involved myself in group projects wherein I’ve together with others pushed to birth an awareness of the reality we as humanity are facing on this earth and in ourselves.

One of the Desteni projects that have had an significant impact both in my own personal life as well as in the life’s of others has been writing my Journey to Life blog – because through writing this blog I have made sure that the principle of acting and living what is best for all, as well as the support tools of self-forgiveness and self-writing, have been placed out there for others to take part of and within that see with their own eyes that there is in-fact a solution to the problems of this world – and that this solution exists within ourselves = its the decision to change, and live our fullest potential, and in a practically speaking, give as we’d like to receive and make that our guiding principle in everything we do.

Apart from my commitment to walk with the Desteni group, I have in my personal life made the decision to study law, and embark on a career where I know that I can have a significant impact – I have understood that I do only have this ONE life, and that the only way I can live this ONE life within honor and self-respect is to make sure that ACT and MOVE myself to correct the horrific and gruesome world we as humanity have managed to create – I have within that understood that in order to have any sort of influence, I require money, and I require to position myself at a point where others will take me seriously.

Thus, I have given up my self-interested desire of what ‘I want to do in life’ – and rather opted for a empowering education and a practical career through which I will be able to enlarge the ambit of my influence in this world – not because it’s the ‘Right’ thing to do – but because its my responsibility – and because its what I’ve wanted anyone else to do for me if they were in my position – because the simplicity of the situation is that this world as it functions currently is unacceptable and to realize this but still not do anything would be a complete abdication of all integrity – and that is not something I am willing to do – thus I give up this one lifetime – in order to bring forth Heaven On Earth.

To sum up, one can say that the essence of how I’ve lived and applied this commitment, is that I’ve given up my preferences, my desires, my wants, my hopes, and dreams, and instead steered myself into groups, responsibilities, and activities where I have or will have an impact, where I can contribute, and where I can practically and realistically speaking make a difference in the life of another, as well as in my own life.