Tag Archives: health

Day 380: Enforcing A HELL-thy Lifestyle

The Problem

Today I faced a situation where I got to experience a less pleasurable side of myself. I am going to call this side of myself the ‘coach’-character – because what happened is that I started to coach and push my partner to do a certain thing that I perceived to be healthy. When my partner responded negatively, instead of asking why, or simply letting the point go, my attempts to get my partner unto the ‘right path’ intensified, because I perceived myself as knowing/seeing what would be the best and most healthy option for my partner. Obviously, in retrospect I am able to see that the entire moment was created because of how I have misaligned my relationship to coaching/pushing/supporting others, and to the word health – and in the following blog I am going to walk through these misalignment’s and establish solutions that I am able to live instead.

When Coaching Becomes Forcing

Coaching becomes forcing when I am trying to create/will an outcome without consideration, without being humble, without seeing the other person, where they are at, and what would be best for them. Hence, forcing comes through when I have my own personal agenda, when the support is not unconditional. Because when I have an agenda, a mission to complete, a goal to reach, then suddenly, in my mind it makes a lot more sense to force, because then I have something to lose if I do not.

However, the notion that I have something to lose if my support (what I perceive is best) does not come through the way I have imagined, that is a misaligned understanding of what it means to support. Because then it is not anymore support, then it is gratifying my own self-interest, and using the word support as an excuse to be able to continue. Obviously, support, to be what is best for all, must be done unconditionally, it must be done without a goal, desire, a personal investment in anyway what so ever, because a personal investment will cloud my clarity – and make it difficult for me to see what kind of support the person really needs.

In the case with my partner, I wanted her to do something that I perceived as healthy. My point of self-interest within this was that I wanted/desired to have a healthy and strong partner with an active lifestyle. Because I held unto my self-interest I did not hear or see my partner and where she was at, as she did not have the strength to pursue the particular activity at the moment. If I would have been clear in my starting point, this is where I could have dropped the entire point, however because I was personally vested, I pushed the point even further, and became forceful.

Solution: When I see that I can support another with a point, I make sure that I am clear and there is no personal investment, no desire, no fear, that is motivating me to achieve a particular result, because I know, that if this is the case, my support will be tainted and not unconditional. Hence – I commit myself to clear myself using self-forgiveness and writing – and to first when I stand stable – offer my unconditional support to another and give as I would like to receive.

When health becomes a HELL

Health, a word with so many meanings and that have become excessively abused in this world, causing a lot of pain and misery for many, many people. The problem with how we have defined health is that health is seen as one state, one ideal, one way of living/being/looking, and that if we are able to compress/alter/change our life/ourselves to fit into this lifestyle of health, then we are apparently healthy. However, a big problem with this way of approaching health is that we are not considering that what might be healthy for one person, can be completely unhealthy for another.

This is what I did with my partner, as I had a particular idea that it is healthy to go out and walk for a moment. And sure, that might be so in a certain context. If I am otherwise in a good shape, not sick, I have the time, and there are no other barriers, it is usually supportive to go out for a walk. However, in my partners context, she did not feel physically rested, and she instead felt that it would be best for her to remain indoors and sleep. Because of my limited definition/understanding of health – I reacted – and thought: ‘But that is not healthy? I must help my partner to do the healthy thing’.

Since then I have reflected on the word healthy – what is real health? Having a fit body does not define health – eating only vegetables does not define health – because health is obviously something much more expansive – it is not only related to physical looks, food and exercise routines. What is more important is WHO WE ARE as human beings and how we relate to our human physical bodies – where a healthy approach would be to listen and be aware of how our physical bodies respond and feel to who we are in our minds and to what we eat and how we move ourselves – and acting/living in such a way that we support our bodies to reach its utmost potential. And that potential does necessarily imply that we have abs, toned bodies and that we only eat green, vegetarian food – rather health and the way our bodies express as health will be different and unique to each body – and will also reflect the beings individuality that inhabits the body.

Thus – in this moment with my partner – my partner was healthy when she made the decision to sleep – as that was what my partners body required in that moment to be able to express and function at its full potential.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the word health through defining it as eating vegetables, working out and staying away from sugar – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not expand the word health, to move it, and make it part of my life, and as such give it a holistic, all encompassing definition, where it is not only about looking good, and eating good, but also about WHO I AM

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit how I live health through only focusing on my body – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that health is also about who I am within my mind, within my thoughts, who I am within my daily movement and direction, who I am within making decisions, it is the entirety of me, where I can support myself to stand within my full potential (living healthy) in all areas of my life instead of merely being concerned with how my body looks like and what I eat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge certain foods as healthy, and other foods as unhealthy, and within this separate myself from certain types of food, and not eat them, even though my body is showing me through hunger/urges/movements that it wants a particular type of food that I have defined as unhealthy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I cannot understand food through labeling it as either healthy or unhealthy – because food – as with all physical parts of this reality – is multidimensional and has a different purpose/function/value depending on the context in which it is existing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the physical instead of standing with and as my physical and interacting with it directly – immediately – not relating to it through thinking/experiencing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not expand health and make it a part of myself – not something separate that I must reach and attain through eating ‘healthy food’ and doing ‘healthy stuff’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define health according to what is said and written in various news papers that profess that they know what health is and how health can be reached – instead of looking within me and redefining health according to my own understanding of health – and then live health in my life in a way that is supportive and that enhances and builds me instead of destroying me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force another to do what I perceive is best – instead of understanding – learning – and being humble – to see who another is and within this also come to terms with the point that I do not necessarily know what is best for another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force my view and idea of things unto others and expect them to live and behave according to how I have defined ‘what is best’ within me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be open and humble to learning new perspectives – seeing things differently – understanding that I might not know exactly what is best – what direction to go – and how to be healthy – and that thus – it is important for me to take a breath – relax and bring myself back here into and as my human physical body – and approach the situation from within and as a stable and grounded starting point where I am open and ready to learn something new

Self-commitment statements

Solution with regards to Forcing

When and as I see myself trying to impose, push, force my way of thinking, seeing things, understanding things, and I have a reaction, that motivates me to continue to argument, and force, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in forcing, I am merely living out my own reactions, trying to have others adhere to how I experience things, thus, not supporting others to live to their utmost potential – and hence I see that this is not something that I would have wanted others to do towards me – as I would have wanted them to support me unconditionally and without their own agenda and personal investment in the point; hence I commit myself to stop my reactions and ground myself – and make sure – that if I decide to support another – that I am clear, stable and grounded – and that I speak and support from a starting point of genuinely caring for another and that they expand themselves and move to become the best that they can be

Solution to misalignment with regards to Health

I commit myself to live and apply the word health in my life with the following definition: Health is when I assist and support myself, mentally and physically, to be the best that I can be – and I do this through listening to myself and my body – being aware of what I am going through and what would be best for me – being fully and wholly open to all directions and not judging any part of the physical as ‘unhealthy’ and per definition avoiding it – hence not relying on ideas, ideals, diets and similar concepts.


Learn more about this way of living:

Day 100: Stop The Fear

After having studied for my exams today I experienced myself physically tired and exhausted and I am sure that this has something to do with who I am within my studies, how I study, in what state of presence and mind I am when it is that I am studying.

What I can see is that I am often going into a stress and nervousness, and the mechanics of this is quite simple, is that I project myself into the future, look at how much I think I have to do, read, and study, then go into a fear that I won’t be able to do all of these tasks that I’ve projected into the future, and that accordingly this will cause me to fail on my exam.

Another interesting point that relates to this is how I tend to want to study more, take more courses, take more educations, and when I look at where this is coming from, I can see that also this is arising from a sense of fear, a sense of panic and anxiety, wherein I will do everything I can possibly do in order to ensure my security, and my financial stability. It’s really quite absurd, because in walking and applying myself in this stress and anxiety, what I am doing is that I am really destroying my physical body, creating harmful consequences for myself, and in a way, this way of living will result in me becoming “burned out” so to speak, or “walking into the wall” – wherein I simply push to hard without considering that I must actually tend to, and listen to my physical body, and that it’s simply detrimental to go into anxiety, and fear to and towards the various challenges and hoops one face in this worlds, wherein exams are one of those.

The point I must continue to work with is thus fear of survival, and I must within this push myself to be much more specific, because it’s obvious that I create these experiences of myself through participating in thoughts, yet at the moment these thoughts are not clearly defined and visible for me, they move to fast, so I must slow down, breath, and look at exactly what it is that I am creating within myself that leads to me placing myself in a experience of possession.

What I also see is that I can support myself physically to not go into this state of being through allowing myself to take a walk, go and swim, or go to the gym – wherein I instead of being in this state of running, allow myself to physically slow down, and just be HERE with my body, and another point that can assist with this is to listen to classical music when I study, so that I slow down, and that I am not in this possession when I am applying myself in my world, because that is what gets to me.

Thus, it’s time I commence operation slowing down, and I mean, this relates to my last blog, where I said I would expand more on how to live the word CARE practically and physically, because doing this for myself, is living real care – because I see what I and my body require, and I act upon that, thus caring for myself and my human physical body – and that is where my care my start – with myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a perpetual state of running through life, wherein I am running towards something as a point of success, as a point of being more than, as a point of being better than, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this state of trying to get through, trying to move myself to something, become something, excel in something, instead of accepting and allowing myself to remain HERE within and as my human physical body, and excel in that which matters, which is amongst other things to care for myself in real physical time – which implies that I slow down, that I don’t accept and allow myself to stress, to be nervous, to be anxious, and to be fearful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a constant state of stress, of pushing myself through life as a way of trying to achieve some form of greatness that I believe I must reach, as a point that I’ve created in my mind – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how me pushing for this particular point isn’t effective, and that I am doing it from a starting point of stress, anxiousness and fear – and that I am within this not considering, listening to or caring for my human physical body in anyway whatsoever – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and commit myself to stop running around in my mind, trying to reach something, or become something, or be something, to instead be here in every moment of breath – and to walk my day within and as the physical here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself through life from a starting point of fear and anxiety, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become numb to life, and to separate myself from life, wherein I constantly and continuously exist within and as this state of inferiority and feeling that I am inferior to life, and that I thus must prove myself to life, I must become something valid and worthy in the eyes of life before I am able to accept myself and recognize myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and to unconditionally allow myself to be here within and as my body, to realize that I am chasing ghosts in my mind and in that processing I am in fact destroying my body, which is my life support, which is the point that allows me to be here in this physical reality and experience this world and this moment of breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define going out for a walk, going to the gym, or going swimming as a waste of time, because then I am apparently not producing anything that is of apparent worth, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my definition of worth to be only in relation to money, and in relation to making something out of myself in this system wherein I can be seen by others as special, as unique, as perfect – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here, and accept and allow myself to stop chasing for something – and too realize that I am able to walk and take on points in the system, but that this doesn’t define who I am – because I am here – and I walk within and as the physical and I don’t walk in this state of stress and anxiety as that is simply not a valid way to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for, and desire, and want to acquire and retain a position in the matrix of being regarded as superior, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of constant stress and anxiety that I won’t be able to reach and attain and withhold such a position in the system, and that accordingly my life will be boring, it will be without passion, it will be without heat, it will simply be a daily routine of walking through my life and doing nothing what-so-ever – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, and within this accept and allow myself to unconditionally stop this stress, to realize that this idea that I must attain a position, it’s a falsity, it’s a creation of my mind and not a actual reality of physical living – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live HERE – and commit myself to make life a expression of here where I do regard my body as the living breathing entity that it in-fact is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with my plans for the future in relation to career and money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of whether or whether not I will achieve a so to speak, “successful” career – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be competitive, and try to win over others, and attempt and try to defeat others, in the belief that the only way I able to gain respect and recognition in this world is through being seen by others as majestic, powerful, effective, and strong and above the normal – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a deep breath and to bring myself back here to and as my human physical body and remove this anxiety, this fear, this nervousness that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, and realize that I don’t require to for me to be stable – here with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in this current day and age, to be successful is not a sign of who you are as a human being, it’s all about luck, and it’s all about where you’re born, as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to impress upon, and try to win and prove myself in this world through getting the perfect job, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is obviously not the way to go, and that in doing this, I will simply miss out on myself, and spend my life in fear and attempting to become, instead of realizing that I can take a breath, and bring myself back here, and within that accept and allow myself to stop searching to find myself here, and be kind to myself here, and physically care for myself and human physically body here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I can align myself within and as the understanding that I can walk in this world, but not be of this world – I can make decisions, and walk my process of getting a job, of finishing my education, of getting a career, but not in anyway allowing this to define who I am; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally align myself within and as this realization – that I can accept and allow myself to let go of my fears – and live here – because fear sucks practically speaking

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into this stress, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand how ridiculous it is that I am fearing my future, that I am fearing what grades I will receive, that I am living in fear, because I mean, what’s the point of living if all I am doing is to fear; as such I commit myself to laugh and to simply take a breath, and shake this fear of and take myself into and as my human physical body

When and as I see that I go into anxiety, fear of the future, and I notice how I become all pumped up within myself because I exist within and as this extreme fear, panicky feeling, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how ridiculous it is to exist within and as this state of panic and fear – because obviously it doesn’t do anything for me what-so-ever – and thus I commit myself to laugh and to simply myself back here, because I won’t accept and allow myself to live out my life in fear of the future, as I instead will live my life fully in every moment of breath in stability, certainty and self-trust

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Day 98: The Pressure of Living

Today I noticed an undefined experience of heaviness within me, and I am in this blog going to go deeper into this experience, define it, and then release it through applying self-forgiveness.

Firstly, naming the game, what is this experience? For those new to the process of working with and investigating the inner workings of the mind, it’s important to understand how important this step is, because if you haven’t defined what you’re experiencing, you can’t deal with it. Thus, what is it that I am experiencing?

I would say that this experience is a form of fear, an underlying and constant experience of fear – and what I can see is that this fear is in relation to the pressure of living in the system – or to be more precise, the pressure I create within myself as fear due to the uncertainty and unpredictability of living in this current world system, wherein my entire world is completely dependent upon one thing to work – which is money.

It’s fascinating to look at how prominent this experience of heaviness is, and how it’s a direct consequence of how we as human beings have designed our world system. What’s even more interesting is that I am in this current world system placed in a fortunate position, which means that I do have a somewhat predictable life, I do have a access to money, I do have access to education, and I’ve been able to place myself in such a position in my life where my future in many ways is predictable, and is so to speak secured. Yet still this experience exists within. Then consider what people are going through that live on the outskirts of the system with absolutely nothing, wherein they do really in-fact face a completely uncertain life each day, where it’s not in anyway predictable whether they will have sufficient with money to buy themselves even the most basic necessities needed to sustain the human physical body.

Just imagine the pressure of living such a life, waking up each morning not knowing whether you’ll be able to eat or not – and look at the consequences this creates in our world – where does all crime originate? Where does so much of the unnecessary violence and harm done on a daily basis come from? It’s all due to our socio-economic background, all coming from the simple point of money and whether we have access to it, or not.

Obviously, in this blog, I am going to push myself to take responsibility for this fear, and this pressure I’ve connected to living in this world system, because the fact of the matter is that we can be in this system, but not of this system – we can walk this world with no fear – we can stand stable and unwavering regardless of what we face – yet to get to this point we require to shed the layers of programming that we’ve allowed ourselves to become subject to, and what I see in my own programming, is that most of my fear comes from what I’ve been taught by my parents – that I must fear the system – I must remain invisible, and hide away in some corner, so that I won’t be detected, and so that I can just live out my life and hope for the best – that I will survive.

The ultimate solution to this point is a new monetary and economic system, wherein all are given sufficient with money, so that this pressure point can’t exist within anyone – and there is a proposal for such a system, which I suggest that you investigate called the Living Income Guarantee.

Unfortunately, we’re not quite there yet, so thus I will walk the self-forgiveness on this fear of living, this pressure, so that I can get myself back into this physical reality – and instead of spending my days in fear instead act to move points, so that we do not require anymore to live in a world system that sucks the life out of existence.

Thus, the first point, as I showed above is to define the particular pattern, name the game, the next point is to ask questions and to within that dig deeper into the point – thus: why is it that I experience this pressure in relation to life in general?

What I see here is that I fear uncertainty, I fear unpredictability, because this implies I have no control – and no control implies that anything can happen – I can’t foresee what is going to happen, and how it is going to happen – and this scares me because I believe I can’t be stable in a position of having no control, which implies that I’ve defined my stability within myself according to how points move in my external world – and I mean in this case that would imply MONEY – that I’ve defined my stability within myself according to how MONEY moves in my world – instead of realizing myself as stability HERE – standing as stability HERE regardless of how the point of money moves in my world, realizing that money is a tool that I can use, but not a point that defines who I am because that is a decision I make.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stability according to money, and to believe that without money I can’t be stable, and to believe that the amount of money I have, the amount of property I own, what career I have, the amount of salary I earn each money, defines my stability – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to define myself as stability, and to as such make the decision to not accept and allow myself as stability to be determined by any external point such as money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I will only fear not having control if I’ve placed some form of value in having control, if I’ve somehow defined myself in relation to having control – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not come to terms with, make peace with the fact that I do not in-fact have control – that this world is unpredictable and uncertain and that reacting to this fact doesn’t in anyway change the situation – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push this point of standing in the system, but not being of the system, realizing that what I do in the system, and in this world doesn’t define who I am – that the amount of money I have doesn’t define who I am – but that I define who I am in each and every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize my relationship with money, so that this is in all ways a practical relationship, wherein I see that I need to have money in this world in order to sustain myself, but wherein money doesn’t define who I am, and that me sustaining myself in this world doesn’t define who I am – but that I instead stand in this world, but not of this world – I walk my career, I walk my points of managing, and earning money – but this doesn’t define me as I define myself here in every moment of breath – I decide who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value into having control, to place value into the feeling of safety and security, and think, perceive, and believe that this particular experience of safety, and security is something that I need in order to be stable here with myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as stability to a feeling – thinking and believing that without me having this feeling of positivity, of feeling comforted, of feeling secure, and hopeful, that I am okay – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this is obviously not so – because the obvious fact is that what I feel doesn’t in anyway correlate to what is real, and what is physical, and what is here – it’s just a feeling – it’s just a experience – and nothing that I am able to trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that what I am able to trust is every moment HERE – is that I am here in this very moment, and that I am able to in this very moment decide who I am, to decide how I live, to decide where I stand, to decide myself; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back HERE in every moment of breath, to realize that only HERE is real – that only this moment here is what I am able to fully trust because it’s in-fact proven that I am here in this moment, which I am able to cross-reference for myself in every breath through being aware of myself interacting with my physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can trust the physical, meaning, that the physical is always here, the physical is consistent, the physical is perseverant, the physical is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, and it doesn’t change – and as such I see, realize and understand that the solution is to practically equalize myself to stand one and equal with and as the stability of this physical reality – because obviously this physical reality doesn’t accept and allow itself to have it’s experience of itself change due to money – but money is simply to this physical a world a matter of practicality and nothing more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stability as having a house, as having a family, as a having certain outcome in this life, as a life path that I can follow – such as for example following in the footsteps of my father – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear anything that is new, to fear anything that I can’t control, to fear anything that I can’t foresee, and to fear making decisions wherein I can’t be absolutely certain on what the outcome of the decision will be; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to exist in fear instead of standing equal and one to and as the physical, equal and one with and as my body, and to live HERE in every moment and not go into fear of living, fear of being here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my life as a constant state of pressure, wherein I feel pressured to live in this world, pressured by the fact that I know that if I do not have money, I can’t survive, pressured by the fact that I know that if I do not have a job, I will not have money, and thus not survive; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself believing that I must experience myself in this pressure, and in this constant of fear – as fearing what might happen – instead of realizing that I can stand stable, clear, and directive in this fucked-up world system – and not accept and allow myself to be influenced by the uncertainty and unpredictability of this world currently functions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into pressure and stress in regards to my school, in regards to my studies, in regards to exams, fearing the point that I don’t have absolute control, and a absolute foreseeing as to how my life will evolve in terms of career, and money as points that flow from my education, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make peace with the fact that control is illusory, that predictability and certainty is illusory, because in this world those things in a absolute level doesn’t exist – they are merely ideas, merely experiences that I’ve defined myself in relation to; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – to take a breath and to stabilize and equalize myself with that which doesn’t exist in fear – which is the physical – which me standing here and living as one breath – walking and dealing with this ONE moment here – and not accepting and allowing my mind to project me into any form of dream or future projection or hope

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into a state of pressure, and a state of fear, as a fear of not having control, and not having a certain outcome in relation to my life, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of wanting to control, of believing that there exists control and certainty in this life – it’s not real – it’s not valid – and that the only point I can in-fact trust is this moment HERE – and the fact that I am here – and HERE I can make decisions – HERE I can direct my life – HERE I can make a difference for myself and the rest of this world – but that can’t happen when I exist in a illusory state of projecting myself in to my future; as such I commit myself to push and discipline myself to remain HERE in every moment of breath and to let go of control – to let go of the feeling of security in relation to money, as feeling that I must have a certain future to be stable – and I commit myself to instead live that stability here in every moment of breath – as a decision that I make

When and as I see that I am going into a state of anxiety, fear, and pressure, because I am worrying about money, and how my future will look like in relation to money – I immediately stop myself, and I see, realize, and understand that I can only work practically with my physical relationship with money in this moment HERE – it’s thus HERE I can walk a point to prepare money for me and make sure that I will be able to sustain myself in this world – it’s thus HERE I can establish skills, and a network for myself so that I can sustain myself in this world – it’s HERE I can work with what is in-fact my life which is this physical real reality; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here to my human physical body and work directly with what is here – and within this see that fear is in it’s very nature – useless

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Day 91: Money, My Saviour?

I’ve noticed this tendency within myself to dream about who I should be, or should experience myself somewhere out there in the future – now what I’ve seen is that this tendency to dream is always in relation to money, and the underlying energy that fuels my dreams and thoughts of the future is a anxiety and a worry.

hand-over-the-money-sirWhat I’ve realized is that I’ve separated myself from expressions such as control and power, and have defined these words in relation to money – and within this created a belief that the only way I am able to find some form of stability in this life, find my power, my direction, that is through making sure that I have got lot’s of money – that my survival is secured and I know that no matter what happens I will have enough money to survive.

The consequence of me living and participating within and as this fear is that I limit myself extensively, and instead of my decisions being self-directed and based on common sense assessments – my decisions are based in fear – they are based in worry – and they are based on starting point of looking at how I am able to survive and get my hands on the money I think I require in order to live the words stability, power and control.

I also see that I’ve defined success in relation to money as equal to success in my life – meaning: that I believe that when I get lot’s of money I will also get lot’s of life, my life will be whole, fulfilled, and complete, because I managed to attain the money I needed and required. This is also a very limited belief and the consequence is that my life will not in anyway be about living, about me walking the process of birthing myself and the rest of this world to life, no – it will be about me acquiring money without any awareness – without any consideration for what is best for all – and that is a life of limitation.

I experience fear and worry as very convincing experiences and it’s fascinating that in the moment as they come up – especially when it’s related to the future and money – I will follow it and go with it without any question, suspicion, or resistance – I will just follow it and it takes me wherever it wants to – and I see that this must stop; I do not want to spend my existence being a follower of fear and accepting and allowing fear to make decisions for me – and accept and allow worry to make decisions for me – I want to make decisions in my life and within that be unconditional – wherein there is no fear – no worry – and no anxiety that controls my direction and movement in life – because I control and direct myself.

I’ve got a long process to go before I will be able to stand in such a unwavering point of stability but this is my commitment to myself – that I will patiently walk through my relationship to fear and correct my relationship to fear so that I can walk and stand in this lifetime fearless yet cautious and aware of the fact that this reality is a reality of consequence.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine, think about, and fantasize about a bright future in relation to money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define points such as stability, control, and power in relation to money – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to be stable – in order to be effective – in order to move myself in this world and be complete and fulfilled and stand whole in each and every moment – I require to have lot’s of money – lot’s of material possessions – lot’s of things around me that I can call my things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become completely lost within and as fear, worry and anxiety in relation to the future – existing in a state of petrification that I will not be able to get sufficient with money in the future in order to define myself as being successful – and a “good citizen” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in the mind – as fear and worry – thinking – perceiving and believing that if I don’t hold unto this fear and make sure that I listen to this fear – then my life will become non-existent and I will not be able to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fear my rule of law – and believe fear – follow fear – and accept and allow fear to guide me when it comes up in relation to the future – and in relation to money; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself through this fear – and to realize that fear sucks – that fear is this complete enslavement mechanism that makes me passive – that makes me ineffective – and that creates consequences in my life in that I won’t ever in-fact live but only ever follow my fear – and listen to what my fear have to say

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in following my fear and accepting and allowing my fear to make decisions for me I am abdicating my power – I am abdicating my ability to control myself and my life – because instead of being here and directing myself I am accepting and allowing fear to be my direction – fear to be my movement forward – fear to be my guide and my teacher; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here and push and direct myself through this fear – to bring myself back here to that which is real and of actual substance and value – which is my physical direct reality here – my physical body here – that which really in-fact gives life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself into believing that money gives life when really it’s the human physical body that gives life – that makes life possible – that is life – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value money more than my human physical body – to value money more than my physical direct reality here – to value money more than in-fact living and participating here in each and every moment of breath; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to make a stand within and as myself – and walk through this anxiety and fear and realize that on the other side there is nothing to fear – because my fears are not real they are based on assumptions, based on interpretations, based on ideas, and not on what is in-fact here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my fear and to blame my external physical reality as being the cause of my fear – and thinking that this fear experience I have can’t stop because it’s apparently real – it’s apparently valid – and it’s apparently a part of my human nature to experience fear – and as such and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my fear and to realize that regardless of the state of my physical reality – I create fear – I stand as the origin and cause of fear – and that accordingly I require to take responsibility for my fear – I require to stop my fear – I require to direct and move myself through my fear and not anymore accept and allow myself to be at the mercy of such a limited energy as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of fear because I believe that fear will guide me to my dreams – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept my dreams without question as apparently being real – as apparently having value – as apparently showing me a part of reality that I am able to get if I have sufficient with money; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with and as my human physical body HERE – with and as my breath HERE – to push myself to remain HERE in every moment and to not wander off in my mind – to not accept and allow the mind to take me for a spin in my head but that I instead remain here – physical – practical – direct – effective – and that I decide who I am and not fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear decide who I am – and to without question accept fear to decide who I am – and how I should experience myself – and to believe that it’s actually real what I am going through and that as such there is nothing I am able to do about it – as apparently this experience of fear is simply real and thus all I am able to do is follow it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath and bring myself back here – and stop this following pattern – wanting to become – wanting to be – wanting to be guided by this fear – and instead develop myself HERE and walk breath by breath in every moment and not accept and allow fear to be the principle by which I live and direct myself

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into fear in relation to the future, or in relation to money – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this fear is sucking the life out of me – and that it’s not even real, cohesive and actual – it’s simply a energy that comes up within me demanding my attention; as such I commit myself to breath through this energy – to breath through the imaginations of the mind – the dreams – and the hopes and to instead be HERE with and as my human physical body – with my breath – with my physical heart-beat – with that which is real – and I commit myself to live moment by moment and create my future HERE in every moment of breath – and not from within and as a starting point of fear from my mind

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Day 54: Facing Fear of Conflict

Recently I’ve begun to notice a physical unconscious pattern of fear that I go into when I meet people – I tend to experience this when I meet people that I have no former relationship with, and that I do not exactly know how they will behave and act around me.

So, for example – I was out walking just some time ago, and as I was walking down the road I noticed three individuals coming towards me – these individuals where male – so just within noticing them I could notice that I went into a slight heightened awareness, a slight experience of upholding myself, and my presentation – becoming more aware of what position my body is in and how this might seem to someone that looks at me – this was the first point I am able to notice – a slight heightened awareness – almost like a statement of: “oh oh, here comes people – better activate my people-character”.

Then as I came closer to the people I noticed how a fear arose within my solar-plexus – and this fear is particularly in relation to the point of unpredictability with people, and also the fear of not being able to read people – and thus get myself into a situation wherein I am being attacked, or seen by another as less than.

So, as I walked past them I could feel this physical reaction arise within me – and then as I passed them the reaction was gone – and I simply continued to walk.

when_the_sun_goes_down_by_redtweny-d3f2j8aNow – I find it interesting because I am able to relate this particular reaction to what I’ve been writing about the last couple of days – which is the desire for approval, or seeking approval as a form of comfort, and also fear of conflict; and recently I’ve begun to notice just how debilitating fear of conflict, and fear of not being approved is to me, and that it in essence blocks me from expressing myself unconditionally, and with ease in each moment of breath.

Recently I read a blog wherein someone explained that from young we’re educated (if you can call it that) to not show our negative experiences, but to present a fake façade of niceness to everyone; now – this is a particular character that I’ve participated within lot’s, and one of my major fears is to show the negativity within me when I am interacting with people – and this is also one of the points that cause the most conflict within me – because when I do have a negative reaction, I go into a negative reaction towards the negative reaction as I am trying to hide the negative reaction from others – so it’s like a double reaction.

For example – as I walked past these individuals and I noticed the fear coming up, a simultaneous point that came up within me was that: “they must not see how I really experience myself” – so within this I want to make sure that I present a “presentable” exterior to others as someone that is stable, and calm – in fear of being judged as weak if I do not present this stable and calm exterior.

So, here I am able to bring all of this back to myself – to see that really I fear my own reactions, and it’s I that fear to be open and vulnerable with myself and see what I experience – and that I’ve projected this point unto others – but really the point is about me as me fearing to see myself, and be frank with myself.

Obviously it’s completely stupid to react to my own reactions as this doesn’t help to sort them out, it just makes it worse – and the solution is instead to embrace the reactions coming up within me – and to accept and allow myself to see myself without judgment, and to understand that I can’t expect of myself to be this stable, and calm human-being – I mean really – I’ve spent most of my life creating myself to not be a stable and calm human-being thus it’s obvious that it will take some time for me to correct, and walk through these points.

Thus – I will work with this point of reacting to my own reactions, and also the point of fear of conflict, and fear of being bullied that I see that my unconscious fear reaction stems from within – so this is then two points I will be walking through and dealing with in my self-forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am around people go into a heightened state of awareness as a fear-awareness – as a state of preparing myself for the worst – the worst being to end up in a conflict with others, and to be attacked by others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, and want to avoid conflict at all costs – and define, and see conflict as something extremely harmful, and bad – and something that I must at all costs not go into but rather present myself as stable, and calm – and make sure that I don’t trigger any form of point in another that might cause a conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in fearing conflicts I am compromising, and limiting myself in my expression – because I will so to speak – walk on egg-shells around others – being constantly afraid, and worried that my expression might trigger, and unleash a hailstorm of frustration, and anger – and that I will end up in a conflict wherein I am trying to defend, and protect myself from what I perceive to be another’s evil – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath, and bring myself back here – and too understand that conflict, anger, frustration, disappointment, enervation, disgust, and hatred – these points are not in themselves something to fear – I mean they might go to a point of fearful danger as actual physical danger – yet in themselves they are merely energetic possessions that do not influence me on a physical level – as such nothing to fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize fear as a way of protecting myself from conflict, and to make sure that I am not too open, or too expressive, or too flamboyant – but that I remain cool, and stable – and that I don’t in anyway cause a point of conflict to emerge in my world – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in my expression, and hold myself back – and not dare to be comfortable, and relaxed, and at ease with myself – as allowing myself to express myself naturally, and comfortably – simply sharing myself within oneness and equality here with another – and not going into a state of fear the moment I meet, and interact with another human being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this fear of conflict I’ve accumulated within me is a remnant of the so-called education that I received in my younger years – wherein I learned to fear other human beings, to fear strangers, to fear not being in control, to fear expressing myself unconditionally, to fear being strange and different, to fear sticking out from the group, to fear not being like everyone else – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how useless this education have in-fact been – and that it’s based upon fear, and anxiety, and assumptions, and interpretations of reality – and not upon facts – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my relationship with this world, and the people within it upon opinions instead of facts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to opinions, and disregard facts – opinions being for example fear of conflict – thus opinionating conflict as something bad, and as something that I should avoid – instead of sticking with facts – seeing that conflict is in essence simply two opposing forces that is colliding – thus two perspectives that do not work with each-other – the solution is thus not to fear conflict – but to instead direct the two forces to a mutual point of stability, and understanding – I mean – learning to communicate effectively to as such direct conflicts to a point of solution instead of simply fearing conflicts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I’ve demonized conflicts – and that when I’ve seen people in my world go into conflicts, and disagreements – that I’ve judged them, and judged how they express themselves – and seen them as bad people because they’ve gone into conflict instead of remaining cool, breathing, and being relaxed, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back to the physical and understand that nothing of what is currently here is bad – or wrong – and that it won’t help, and assist to react to what is here – but what will help is to understand what is here, and learn to direct what is here in a way that is best for all – to as such establish a point in this world and reality that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own reactions, and to fear admitting to myself that I am reacting in believing that reactions, and thoughts, and experiences, are generally speaking bad, and wrong – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that the mind is not bad, or wrong – and I mean seeing what is within me is in-fact practical, and effective – because in allowing myself to recognize what I exist as, and within – I am allowing myself be able to correct myself and the point I am existing within – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop judging what is here – and instead of judging what is here – assist and support myself to correct what is here to what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the ridiculousness of going into fear when I walk past other people – because what do I really fear? I mean – is it even effective to be within a fear even though there was some actual practical point to look out for? I mean – no – because in going into fear – all I think about and experience is my fear – and I am not able to be HERE and see what is going on; such as for example how this person died – that you can here about in this interview – she drowned – and as she was drowning she was trying to swim to the surface but was in too much panic to understand and see what was up and down – thus she swam into the wrong direction – I mean – this point applies not only to panicking in water but to all aspects and dimensions of life – because in going into fear I become irrational and I do not see reality, the physical, and I do not see the solution, the direction that is best for me; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of fear in understanding that fear doesn’t assist and support me but merely serves to hold me back, and hold me in a stagnant position of waiting to be safe before I express myself – instead of understanding that when I let go of the fear to need to feel safe won’t anymore be a issue because I will simply be HERE within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive fear of conflict, and fear of being bullied as these great mechanisms that I can use in order to become socially effective – thinking that these mechanisms help me to guide me through life and that without them I wouldn’t know how to be, express myself, and interact in my social environment – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this point – and to ask myself – but hey – is this really in-fact the case? I mean – how come I’ve trusted this fear to be common sense when it’s never in-fact specifically shown me the common sense of it’s existence – it have just come up within me like – BLAAHH!!! Here I am – I am a fear – now obey me!! And as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question these fears and to understand that these fears are not a common sense guideline of how to live effectively but are instead a remnant of my past ineffective education

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it’s nothing dangerous, or compromising to express myself unconditionally, to allow myself to so to speak be free – in allowing myself to be comfortable, to be at ease, and to be fully here with and as my physical body and express myself within oneness and equality as being DIRECT here – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here and to continue to push this point of living within oneness and equality with my human physical body – in understanding that fear is not a natural trait – fear is a cultural creation that has been created through a misunderstanding of physical reality – and a misunderstanding of what it means to live – to live doesn’t mean to live in fear of survival – but to live means to express self here in every moment of breath being so completely in this moment that there is simply HERE – thus in other word’s in-fact being alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how I am limiting myself through not embracing the probability of conflict – and through not standing in such a position within me that I trust myself that I’ll be able to direct the conflict if a conflict emerge – because I mean – I understand that conflicts are not dangerous – conflicts are merely points of two colliding forces and that this point must be directed within oneness and equality – and as such it’s merely as any other moment that opens up here – and that the moment requires to be directed; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice directing what is here – instead of fearing what is here – seeing that learning to direct, and trusting myself that I’ll be able to direct what is here – is in-fact a self-empowering solution – while fearing what is here is a self-victimizing point of escapism as not wanting to take responsibility for what is here in this world

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I around other people go into a heightened state of awareness, as a fear-awareness as a state of preparing myself for the worst – as conflict, or being bullied; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am within going into – and allowing myself to be possessed by this state of fear – not allowing myself to live – to express myself – and to be here in this moment and be here with the point that is here – which might be to get to know someone, or direct a specific point that I’d like to be directed for me world, and reality to be more effective; as such I commit myself to stop fearing conflict, and being bullied, as being called names, and yelled at; and I instead commit myself to embrace what is here and stand equal to all probabilities – and simply instead of fearing what is here – learn to direct what is here within oneness and equality as breath

When and as I see that I am going into a fear in relation to energetic possessions such as hate, disgust, disappointment, anger, frustration, and enervation – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that these points are nothing to fear because they do not imply that I am in fearful danger – as such I am not in actual physical danger – I am not to actually physically be harmed; as such I commit myself to breath and to stand within oneness and equality with that particular energetic possession – and instead of fearing the point – learn and perfect to direct the point to a solution that is best for all

When and as I see that I go into a state of holding myself back, as so to speak watching my tongue from a starting point of fear, worrying that if I am too express myself unconditionally, and without anxiety – that this will trigger a point of conflict, and that anger will emerge, or enervation, and that I will become subject to another’s wrath – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how it doesn’t help me to direct the point – and to live – when I go into this particular fear – I mean all that happens is that I suppress myself and really kill myself as self-expression and then I hope that a conflict won’t emerge – instead of me expressing myself naturally and then learning to direct conflicts effectively and remaining stable within myself in facing and directing conflicts in my world

When and as I see that I go into fear automatically as I meet other people, as thinking that I must fear them because they are “strangers” and they “can’t be trusted” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean – yet they can’t be trusted yet this is not a reason to go into fear – it’s simply to see that it’s stupid to trust people without them having proved their integrity; as such I commit myself to not anymore confuse not trusting another with fear – because I am still able to be stable and effective here in my breath-movement whether, or whether not I trust another

When and as I see that I go into fear of conflict, and that I am opinionating conflict as being something “bad” and “wrong” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that conflict is neither bad, neither good – it’s in-fact simply a physical point of colliding forces – that requires direction – as such I commit myself to establish a stability within me and a effectiveness in directing conflicts through practicing when conflicts emerge to stand stable and speak within common sense, clarity, and stability – to as such not anymore fear, or try to avoid conflicts but instead learn to direct them effectively

When and as I see that I am judging, or demonizing conflict, or any other form of expression in this world, or something the emerge within me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that the solution is not to demonize, is not to judge, is not to be a moralist of right and wrong – but the solution is to understand and to be able to direct the points that emerge within me; as such the solution is to develop solutions for points and direct them; as such I commit myself to focus on solutions instead of right and wrong – to focus on common sense direction instead of right and wrong

When and as I see that I go into a state of judging what appears within me, and in this case judging fear – and reacting to the fear in fear of showing to others that I react in fear – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I mean judging what is here is unnecessary – because in judging what is here I will not in-fact learn to direct the point, but the point will continue to simply be a unresolved point within me – as such I commit myself to focus upon solutions, to focus upon directing what emerge within me – instead of judging what emerges within me – and wanting to hide, and escape from what emerge within and as me

When and as I see that I want to hold unto fear because I believe that it protects me, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that fear makes me irrational, fear clouds my judgment and unable me to see effective solutions with clarity; as such I commit myself to stop fear – and instead focus upon stability and being HERE and even though I am facing a situation with lot’s of pressure – to still not go into fear but to focus upon stability and directing the situation within and as common sense as what is best for all

When and as I see that I trust a fear that comes up within me as being a effective guideline for me to use to be socially effective in my world, and reality – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that there is obviously no proof what-so-ever that a fear would make me more socially effective – in-fact fear simply unable me from expressing myself effectively, being open, vulnerable, and receptive – and instead I close myself and simply become this reactive automaton that acts in fear of survival; thus I commit myself to develop my own guidelines as common sense in social interactions – and to use these instead of fear – as such trusting myself instead of trusting fear

When and as I perceive fear as indicating to me what is dangerous, what I should avoid, and what I shouldn’t avoid – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t trust fear – I can’t rely upon fear – fear is a program that comes up automatically without any form of effective reasoning – it’s not to be trusted; as such I commit myself to utilize common sense in my world as a my starting point of self-direction – and as such direct myself within and as effective common sense reasoning instead of fear

When and as I see that I want to avoid conflicts instead of directing conflicts within common sense as what is best for all – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in wanting to avoid conflicts I won’t be effective in this world and it will naturally cause me to compromise myself, and go into self-suppression instead of directing myself here – thus the solution is not avoidance but facing the point and learning to direct the point effectively; as such I commit myself to develop effective conflict-direction-skills through practicing being stable, not taking a conflict personally, and focusing upon common sense as a solution that is best for all

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Day 53: Productivity Instead of Stress

Today I had a intense start on the day – because what happened was that during yesterday I became tired, and I decided to take a rest – and within this I said to myself that I would postpone some of my responsibilities and rather do them as I woke up the next day. So, the next day arrived and I found myself being really tired, which meant that I as I got up I didn’t have that much time to walk my responsibilities as I had planned.

productivityThis made me stressed, and somewhat anxious – and on top of this my two cats always requires some attention in the morning, as they are both to come in and get some breakfast, and then also go out again. So, this point awoke within me a reaction of stress, and anxiety – and this in turn resulted in me becoming irritable, and frustrated – wherein I felt that my cat’s where bothering me, and that my responsibilities were bothering me – and that everything, and everyone was simply “taking my time” – and that “there was not enough time to do the stuff I’d planned to do”.

Thus – what I am able to see is that firstly – this stress point is simply not supportive at all, I mean – I can’t accept, and allow myself to become stressed about my responsibilities, as that will not in anyway help me to complete what it is that I am doing – and secondly – I must allow myself to be flexible with my responsibilities, and understand that sometimes my body do require some rest, and I might simply not have the time to walk my responsibility – and that this is not something to make a big deal about, but instead to find a solution – and to maybe direct myself to walk that particular responsibility on a day when I don’t have to go to the work, and simply postpone the point for some days – realizing that it’s better to actually walk the point with sufficient time to do it properly than simply stressing about like a hunted animal trying to do as “much as possible” not realizing that – it doesn’t work that way – and that being effective with a particular point requires more than just “doing it” – it requires that I am HERE with the point – and for me to be HERE with the point it requires that I’ve structured my time so that I am able to give myself the needed moment to immerse myself in the point and do it specifically, and effectively.

This also reveals an interesting pattern as to how I tend to approach responsibilities – I see it as – when I get it done, and I’ve walked the point – then it’s cool; but within this I do not consider the quality of what I’ve done – but more consider that “I’ve done it” – and because of that it’s cool. Obviously this is not how it works – because the quality of what I do means A LOT – and that I can do lot’s of things during a day but if I haven’t done these points specifically they won’t be of much worth – for example – a house that I build fast and sloppily will stand for a shorter time than a house that I build effectively, specifically and meticulously.

Thus – a point I want to give myself is to allow myself to further push the point of patience, and allowing myself to take my time – and stop trying to do “as many things as possible” – and instead decide to do a few things yet do these points effectively, and specifically – realizing and understanding that I don’t have to rush, and that I don’t have to “just do it” – if I actually allow myself to structure my time effectively, and do that in such a way that I have enough time to really get into the point I am working with.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to get things done, and do as many points as possible, and apparently be as “productive as possible” – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that when I accept, and allow myself to walk, and participate from this starting point what I produce will lack quality – and substance – because I have not given myself the necessary time to walk, and direct the point specifically, and effectively here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am effective when I am participating in points from a starting point of stress, and “moving fast” and that the more I do – the better I am – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath, and bring myself back here to the physical – and within this accept and allow myself to stop trying to get as many things done as possible – and instead work in the moment – work within and as breath – and walk each breath to completion and try to do more than what I am able and capable to do in one breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I stress a point, and try to get a point done only to get it done – I am compromising myself, and I am compromising the results of the point – and really it’s not even of any worth to pursue the point when I am in such a state of hastiness, and hurriedness – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down, and to walk my responsibilities effectively – and when I see that there is not enough time for me to do this – to instead decrease the amount of responsibilities that I have – realizing that I can’t do everything in a physical reality that is based upon time, and space – there is only so much time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in trying to do as many things as possible I am in-fact compromising myself, and that really – it’s better to give my focus and attention unto doing some points – and then giving myself sufficient with time to concentrate, and to immerse myself in those points – and give myself fully to those points without being distracted with fear, and stress; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I move myself from within and as stress – I am not particularly effective at all – in-fact I am the opposite and I am only doing to feel productive – instead of doing to in-fact be productive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that there is a difference between feeling as if I am productive, and in-fact being productive – and that feeling productive happens when I do something – but being productive happens when I am HERE fully while doing something – and participating with the point in a state of fully receptivity, and hereness – and I see, realize, and understand that such a point of productivity – can only exist when and as I accept and allow myself to give myself the necessary time, and space to walk the point effectively without having time on my shoulder as a demon screaming to me that “my time is up! And I need to immediately move to the next point!”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice giving myself time – in realizing that I have to push myself to in-fact allow myself to do less points – yet doing these points within having more time – as such allowing myself immerse myself more in the points and in-fact be productive instead of only feeling productive

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am rushing and trying to get “as many points done as possible” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I move myself from this starting point I am not being effective in what I am doing – and that I might feel productive but I am not in-fact productive as a real point; as such I commit myself to slow down and give myself the time to walk each point specifically – and accept the point that there is not unlimited with time – and as such I must focus my time on some points that I want to pursue – and that this is simply how this reality functions and is not something I can get away from; as such I commit myself to structure my time according to reality – and according to the point of giving myself the time necessary to effectively walk my responsibilities calmly, specifically, and effectively – here

When and as I see that I am stressing, and I am trying to get as many points done as possible – simply to get them done – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that to only do something doesn’t mean that I’ve in-fact done something effectively – and as such I realize that I need time, and space to walk a point effectively and that I must give myself this; as such I commit myself to stop trying to save time – and instead use the time I need to walk a point effectively until I am satisfied with the point

When and as I see that I am in a state of hastiness, and hurriedness – as trying to get things done now – fast – and save time; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am within this compromising myself and the points I am walking – because I am not walking them with the necessary diligence, and specificity – but instead mass-producing without any regard for quality; as such I commit myself to practice patience – and practice producing quality and being okay with using the time I need, and require to walk a point effectively, and specifically until I am satisfied with myself

When and as I see that I am structuring my time to get as many points done as possible, in fear of missing out – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t do everything – it’s not physically possible – and as such it’s better that I focus upon some points, and stabilize myself effectively within these – and make sure that I have the time to pursue these points effectively; as such I commit myself to structure the time of my day not around fear of missing out – but instead around using my time effectively and giving myself the time I need to walk a point specifically, and detailed

When and as I feel productive because I stress, and get “many things done” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that feeling productive is not the same as in-fact being productive, I mean there is a real difference – in that being productive is something that entails presence and actual quality – while feeling productive is just a internal mental experience and nothing real; as such I commit myself to in-fact be productive – which entails that I am HERE and that I dedicate myself to the point that I am walking and not only try to get it done as fast as possible

I commit myself to give myself the time necessary to walk the points I’ve selected for myself to walk effectively – and to prioritize my time – and to prioritize the points I am walking – to as such use my time effectively and not plan in to much, and not plan in to little – but instead plan perfectly; as such I commit myself to practice planning my time effectively to support productivity instead of stress

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Day 51: How I’d Like To Be Assisted

Today I am going to look closer at the point of how I’d like to be assisted, and this is so I can more effectively specify the assistance and support that I give to others, so that it’s effective, and in-fact supportive.

So, how is it that I’d like to be assisted?

help-desk-servicesWhat I can see is that I’d like to be assisted without it being about right or wrong – meaning – that I don’t want any form of judgment involved when I am assisted; I would like the other person to clearly, and effectively show me the point – and within this also share with me what it is that I am not applying effectively – and that this is done without any form of energy – and without any judgment of right and wrong.

Another thing that I’d like another to do is to be stable, and calm – and speak with a stable tone of voice – meaning that the other person do not react. I mean – I know from my own experience in life that when someone tries to “assist” me to change through being angry, or resentful – that only cause me to go into resistance, and fear – and then I am not able to actually hear what the other person is telling me because I am too busy surviving; so this is something that I must take into consideration – to not speak, and “assist” from a starting point of reaction – I mean really that is one of the primary points.

I would also like the other person to stand in my shoes so to speak, meaning that he, or she consider where I am within my process, or in relation to the point I am walking; so that the other person do not try to assist me to learn, and comprehend things that are far beyond my ability. I mean – I would like to be assisted, and supported at the level where I am at – because that would obviously be the most beneficial for me; then I would be able to relate to, and apply the information in my world.

So, I like when another “understands” me so to speak – and that the other person do not “assist” me from a starting point of expectation as “you should be able to do this by now!” – but that the other person is instead standing with me, seeing who I am within the point without any reaction – and assisting, and supporting me with gentleness, and stability to move forward on the point.

Another point that I see is important is that if another assists me, I want it to empower me – and not merely help me. I don’t want to become a charity-victim, but instead I want to be given the actual skills, know-how, and expertise to be able to empower myself to deal with my issues myself; thus – I don’t want a guru to follow around to show me how to be “right” – I want to be assisted to deal with points on my own – and thus become self-empowered.

I also want to have breathing-space – meaning that – I don’t want to be assisted and support all the time – I mean – once and a while it’s cool – but then I need sometime to melt the information, and to try it out in my own world – and walk the point; and when I am assisted all the time, constantly, I never get this breathing space to be here with me and walk the suggestions, and the support given to me in my own life.

Thus – this is how I’d like to be assisted – and accordingly this is how I will practice, and in time perfect as my application of how I assist others – oneness and equality in practical application; give as you’d like to receive.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I assist, and support another – do so from the perspective of giving as I’d like to receive – and thus ask myself how it is that I’d myself like to be assisted, and supported – and within this align to support others in such a way that is effective, and have a outflow that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I speak, and share myself with others from a starting point of assisting and supporting them – to do so within considering where the other being is in their process, and considering how I am able to speak, and place my words in such a way that will be supportive, and assisting for the other being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be specific with my words, and my behavior when I assist, and support another – and to set myself up in such a way in word, and behavior – that I make it easy, and effective for the other being to take in the information I am sharing, to understand the information, and then to apply the information in his/her world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I assist, and support others – be hard, and ruthless – and not consider another as I’d myself like to be considered – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply gentleness, and stability when I assist, and support another – and be patient with another, and not react even though the other “doesn’t get it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire when I assist, and support another – that they are too immediately understand and apply the point I am explaining – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become restless, and frustrated when the other person “doesn’t seem to get it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire others to feel assisted, and supported when I speak with them – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead focus upon actual assistance and support, that is not a feeling, or experience, but that is a actual physical action – as giving to another as I’d like to receive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as a weakness to consider another, and think that it’s more effective to be brutal, and ruthless – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply the principle of give as you’d like to receive; because within doing this it’s obvious that it’s not the most effective to be brutal, and ruthless – but instead being gentle, patient, and forthcoming is effective – and that is what I’d want from another

Self-commitments

When and as I am assisting and supporting another, and I see that I am doing this automatically, and without tuning my behavior in such a way that makes for a supportive outcome in the moment; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that – it’s obviously important to consider others – because unless I do I won’t be able to share my realizations with anyone – because I will not in-fact stand one and equal and be able to talk, and share myself with another directly; as such I commit myself walk the point of give as I’d like to receive when it is that I assist and support another

When and as I am speaking with another, and I see that I am speaking from a starting of “I am sharing myself so you better listen” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is not a supportive starting point to use when assisting and supporting another, because one only considers self, and not where the other being is; as such I commit myself to see, and consider the other being – and place my words in such a way that I actually support self-realization, and self-empowerment, and that I don’t have a self-interested agenda that “this is how I speak”

When and as I am assisting, and supporting another – and I notice I am not specific in my words, and behavior – and that I am instead only “going for it” without actually being stable, and clear upon what I am doing; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that importance of being specific in my words, in my behavior, in my use of tonality, in my use of facial expressions – I mean everything has an impact on the other being – and as such it’s important to align these aspects to what it is that I am doing – which is assisting and supporting another; as such I commit myself to be aware of how I impact another with my behavior, words, tonalities – and to align my expression in such a way that I support other being to become self-empowered, and self-realized

When and as I see that I am reacting to another because they don’t “get it” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I mean – I see that it’s completely unnecessary to react to this point, because it’s not like someone doesn’t understand me deliberately, and that it will help for me to become impatient, and angry – I mean because the other being will still not understand – maybe even understand even less because now I am not clear in my expression and not able to convey the point anymore; as such I commit myself to be patient, stable, and calm when I explain points – and to not react when another doesn’t understand – but simply align my words, and my expression in such a way that I support self-empowerment, and self-realization

When and as I react in anger, and frustration, feeling, and experiencing that another should immediately understand what I am saying, and being applying the information – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that I mean – obviously everyone learns at different paces and me becoming angry, or frustrated won’t change that – I mean it’s like becoming angry at a rock for the rock being a rock – it’s ridiculous and unnecessary – as such I commit myself to be calm, patient, stable, and focus my attention on breathing effectively – and walk the necessary timeline with another to bring forth a understanding – and not to judge when this timeline extends and becomes longer than “normal”

When and as I see that I am becoming focused upon wanting others to feel that I am good at assisting, and supporting – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point is in-fact making me loose focus, and attention on the point of actually assisting and supporting another – and so it all becomes about ego instead of in-fact bringing forth life; as such I commit myself to remain here with the physical and walk the point of assisting, and supporting another physically here without any point of ego disturbing me

When and as I see that I am being brutal, and ruthless with another, and that I am justifying this thinking that “this is the only way another can understand” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that the use of anger, brutality, and ruthlessness as a way to teach, and educate has proven itself extremely ineffective through the course of human history – resulting in human beings that are living in fear of punishment and that have no individual understanding, and motivation, and critical thinking skills – they are in essence slaves without a form of self existing; as such I commit myself to understand that the only way to effectively assist, and support another is through considering, and seeing them within oneness and equality – as such I commit myself to be gentle, patient, forthcoming, perceptive, and receptive – and allow myself to walk the process of assisting and supporting another without stress, without being driven to have a result – but walk breath by breath here

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