Tag Archives: hiding

Hiding – Part 3

Before reading this entry – please read part 1 and part 2

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character of not wanting to face myself – existing within and as the belief that “I am so bad – and I am so fucked up – that I can’t do anything about myself” – as such creating a escape route within myself where I think that I am able to avoid this big task of in-fact facing/seeing myself – and instead escape from this task; instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that this belief that I am apparently to fucked up to face myself – it’s only a excuse and justification in order to substantiate my escape from myself – while I do in-fact see/realize/understand that facing myself is what I must do – and what will be the greatest gift that I’ve ever given to myself – as it will accept and allow me to birth myself as life from the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character/living statement that I don’t want to face myself – instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that it’s stupid to not want to face myself – as the truth of myself is always here anyway, it’s just that I’ve hidden from myself – but that doesn’t mean that the truth of me is still here – and is creating my life and my experience of myself in everyway; as such I see/realize/understand that the obvious common sense is to face myself and get it over with – because that is much more simple than spending a life-time finding excuses and justifications and fighting the truth as myself as how I exist within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that it’s a thousand times more simple/easy to face myself than to hide from myself – and that hiding from myself is in-fact hard work – and something that must go on for a eternity; while facing myself is something that must only be done once – and then the fight/struggle is over because I am clear within and as myself – I’ve faced and corrected my shit and I can now spend my breaths living instead of fighting; as such I commit myself to stop this eternal fight and instead face myself – within seeing/realizing/understanding that it will feel difficult yet it’s what is best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that facing myself is difficult – it’s hard – and it’s uncomfortable – yet existing within a statement/character of hiding is even more hard/difficult and uncomfortable – as such it’s easy to see that the best decision for me is to face myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever see/recognize hiding as a solution – not seeing/realizing/understanding the obvious common sense that hiding is never a solution but only a form of postponement – wherein I postpone the inevitable – as such I see/realize/understand that hiding is in-fact completely unnecessary as I will have to face myself anyway – as such why hide to begin with? Why not simply take the pain and discomfort and be done with it here?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within myself to such an extent that I am not able to see how stupid my inner characters of hiding are – as they do not serve any practical/physical value at all – I simply exist as these characters because I was shown to do so – and I’ve always done so – as such existing within and as apathy accepting everything as is thinking that it’s cool – because it’s been like this forever; not accepting and allowing myself to open my eyes and in-fact question what is here – to see whether what is here actually supports a existence that is best for all – and actually supports me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I can’t avoid facing myself – that I am in-fact facing myself even though I am hiding from myself – but that I am just avoiding to see who and what I am straight in the face from a starting point of correcting myself – and placing myself in a position within myself of changing and re-aligning myself within myself to what is best for all – to what will in-fact support/assist myself to step out of my current mind-fuck and become a self-directed – self-willed being here in every moment of breath

I commit myself to face myself – and to see/realize/understand that facing myself will be the greatest gift that I’ve ever given to myself; and that there is really no such thing as hiding from myself – but only postponing the inevitable, which is to face myself head-on – to see who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and to re-create myself within and as oneness and equality here as what is best for all

I commit myself to face myself and get it over with – as I see/realize/understand that not wanting to face myself is merely postponing the inevitable – and is only serving to make me and my existence a living hell; and as such I commit myself to take this problem as me and move myself into correction/perfection/alignment with the principle as what is best for all

I commit myself to face myself – seeing/realizing/understanding that I will only have to face myself once – and then it’s done – while hiding is a project that I must walk for eternity – and is a struggle that I can let myself not go through – through simply facing myself here – and walking the necessary self-forgiveness/writing/self-correction to establish myself as clear – stable – and effective within and as my application of myself here as life

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that it’s a far more intelligent decision to face myself than to postpone facing myself – because facing myself will have the outflow of me living comfortably and relaxed within my human physical body; while not facing myself will have the consequence of my living in FEAR – which is a completely ludicrous thing to have myself go through

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that hiding is not a solution but merely a point of postponing the inevitable – as such I will/push myself to establish myself as NOT HIDING – through each day writing/doing my self-forgiveness/walking my self-corrective statements – until everything is out in the open and I am done

I commit myself to not accept my characters simply because I’ve always existed as characters – and because everyone in my world has always shown me the example of living as a character – but I instead push/will myself to question all my characters as to their purpose – and what outflows they create in my life/existence – to as such only accept and allow that which is best for all within me

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that hiding is in-fact a illusion – because actually I am always seeing who and what I am within myself – it’s just that I haven’t dared to place myself in a position of changing myself – correcting myself; as such I stand up within myself and walk self-responsibility – in taking charge of myself – and changing myself – as such stopping the idea/illusion of hiding within and as me

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Hiding – Part 2

Before reading this – read part 1 first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character/experience/possession of not wanting to be seen – existing within and as the physical behavior of avoiding eye contact with others – avoiding to be seen through pretending that I don’t see and notice others when they are in my presence – hoping that by doing so they won’t notice and see me; instead of accepting and allowing myself to come out from this shell I’ve created – understanding that this shell is completely unnecessary and doesn’t even protect me from anything – because even if I continue to hold unto this shell – it won’t stop me from being hit by a bus, or stabbed by someone – it’s simply a imaginary shell that serves no other purpose but to limit me and have me miss opportunities of getting to know/participating with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist/live within and as the character of not wanting to be seen – thinking that if I would be seen by somebody – that this would the expose me to their evil scrutiny – wherein they would take me apart inside their minds and find all my weak-spots and plot to use their powers to destroy me; instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that this is in-fact what I am doing towards myself – wherein I am looking at myself from a perspective of judging my apparent weak spots – giving all my focus at being angry/frustrated at myself for having these weak spots – spending all my effort/time to hide these weak spots – instead of accepting and allowing to simply let go of this fear – and see/realize/understand that even if I have a weak spot and someone mention this – or poke my weak spot – that this can’t affect and influence me unless I accept and allow it to do so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as petrification and fear of being seen by others – within the fear that if somebody sees me – they might see something wrong/incorrect with me and point this out to me; as such existing within complete fear and petrification towards being criticized by others and seen as wrong/incorrect by others; instead of seeing/realizing/understanding how ludicrous this fear is – and how stupid it is to fear being criticized by others – as I see/realize/understand that I might even benefit from the perspective/criticism that others have towards me and my behavior – and as such become even more effective and detailed within and as my physical living expression of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as fear/nervousness to be seen by others – fearing that there will be some weakness/fault within me that others will see and notice and mention – talk to me about – or ridicule me for having – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that it’s not big deal to have a weakness and to be wrong – and it’s no big deal that other mentions or points this out – when I do have made something wrong, or I possess a certain weakness – but I’ve made it within myself to be this hugely important and all-encompassing point – that I must at all times present myself and show myself to be right; instead of accepting and allowing myself to chill out – to relax – and simply live here in this moment and if I fuck up – to deal with that fuck-up here physically through looking at what practical solutions I can walk to correct the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand to the extent that I limit myself when I exist in the fear of being noticed; as I basically remove myself from participation – remove myself from reality and isolate myself as far away from everyone that I can get – as such living a life of seclusion wherein I never get to know anyone, and I never get to know myself with others – because I am all the time alone – all the time protecting myself from being seen by others; and within this I will/push myself to get out from this stupid character, and instead participate with others – get to know others – communicate and in-fact accept and allow myself to be seen – and to not worry about being seen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be seen by others – be heard by others – be noticed by others; and walk these points being completely comfortable with myself – knowing that there is nothing harmful in being seen/noticed/heard by others – and that there is nothing in-fact to fear – and that the fear only exists in my mind as a idea and belief – as such I will/push myself to become physical – within seeing/realizing/understand that there is absolutely no possibility that I will be able to be harmed physically through being seen/noticed/heard by others – it’s only an idea

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seclude and isolate myself from participation in reality – and to shut myself off from getting to know others, and from expanding in my reality through networking and opening up new points of relationships with others; because I exist/live in fear of being noticed/seen – thinking that I am worthless and if I am seen by others – that they will see/notice/judge this worthlessness within me – and openly criticize me for being worthless; instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that what I fear others doing to me – is what I am doing to myself – as accepting and allowing myself to be hard and brutal with myself – and to criticize myself for my weak-spots – and to in essence be an asshole towards myself when I notice that there are points in my application that aren’t effective – and that aren’t working as they should be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself out from this character – to see/realize/understand how much of life that I’ve missed through existing as this character – how many opportunities of participating/speaking/communicating with others that I’ve wasted through giving into the fear of being noticed/seen; as such I will/push myself to step out of this character and dare to be seen – dare to be heard – dare to be recognized – and dare to be different – and not anymore limit myself in living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of this hiding personality – as not wanting to be seen; thinking that this personality is protecting me from harming, and protecting me from ending up in a “bad situation” – instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that I am not at all protected by this character/personality – I am instead limited, and held back – and in-fact regressing within myself due to missing points of participating/communication with others where I could’ve expanded and learned – and got to know more about myself and the functioning of this existence – as such I push/will myself to not anymore exist live as this fear of being seen – but instead express myself in moments where I see that I am holding myself back in the fear of being seen – and to share myself in moments when I see that I doubt sharing myself – because I fear to be seen

I commit myself to not anymore exist/live as the character of not wanting to be seen/noticed – but to instead push/will myself to be noticed/to be seen/to be heard – as I push/will myself to participate/interact/communicate – when the opportunity to do so opens up in my life

I commit myself to not pretend to not see others in my presence – in fear of being seen/noticed – but instead recognize the fact that others are in my presence – and to walk comfortably here with others – accepting and allowing myself to be seen/noticed/heard

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that this fear of being noticed does not protect me – and that it’s not a real shell – but only a mental shell as an idea and as such completely useless in all and everyway

I commit myself to not scrutinize myself in my minds eye – and look for faults within myself, and points of “badness” – and within this I commit myself to not project this point unto others; but to instead take self-responsibility for this point through stopping this character of scrutinizing myself when I see/notice that I am living this point as myself

I commit myself to not fear being criticized and/or seen as wrong/incorrect by others – but to instead view such moments as a opportunity for me to learn – because maybe another has a valid point as to how I’ve been doing wrong/incorrect; and within this I commit myself to not take myself so seriously, and to not be so hard upon myself when I fail/make mistakes/and fuck up – but to instead support myself to become more effective within not fucking-up – but instead living effectively here – as breath one and equal

I commit myself to when I am around others to – chill out and relax – and not take myself so seriously – but to simply be here with myself and express myself naturally – not worrying whether I might be wrong

I commit myself to not seclude myself, and hide myself away in the far-reaches of the universe where no-one can ever see or find me – but to instead accept and allow myself to push through my fears/anxieties and get out there in reality with other people – get out there and communicate/participate/interact – and be apart of the life’s of others

I commit myself to be seen/noticed/heard by others – and to not seclude/isolate myself in order to avoid being seen/heard/noticed

I commit myself to get out there in reality – and get to know others/participate with others/move myself in the system – in the matrix – and to forever stop this character of standing in the back – hoping that no-one will ever see me; because maybe then I will become criticized – I see/realize/understand how stupid this fear is – and as such I commit myself to forever ban it from my life

I commit myself to see/realize/understand how much I’ve missed of my life through existing as this character of not wanting to be seen – as I’ve deliberately avoided to create any close/intimate relationships with others – to communicate/interact/get to know others – simply because I’ve been afraid of being seen/noticed/heard – I stop this fear and seclusion – and I as such stop missing out on my life/opportunity to get to know others here

I commit myself to dare to be heard/seen/noticed/recognized

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that the fear of being seen doesn’t in anyway protect me – but only limits me and have me regress into a existence/life of seclusion/hiding; as such I stop myself from honoring and entertaining this fear within me and I instead develop self-trust – to be able to effectively analyze and distinguish situations that are in-fact dangerous without having to keep/entertain a fear of being seen/heard/noticed – and within this I see/realize/understand that a fear can’t assist/support me to understand the totality of a situation – and as such can’t protect me from harm in-fact – but only serves to keep me stuck in energies/experiences that aren’t even aligned to this physical reality

Hiding – Part 1

Lately I’ve been working with correcting my posture, because up until some time ago – my posture has been that of hunching my shoulders, not standing straight – but slightly bent; and this has caused me to develop back pain – at least this is one of the reasons to my back pain. So, in order to correct this point I first began to investigate “what is the correct posture?” – and “what posture supports my body the best?” – and it’s been fascinating to find this out, because the posture I did in the end find to be the correct/most supportive posture – felt completely incorrect and simply strange to walk within – not to say painful; but I realized that it was merely a habit that I had created in relation to my posture, and that this experience of strangeness wasn’t really real – and as such I pushed through and began to walk with my back straight at all times, and my shoulders slightly tucked back – aligning my shoulders with my spine.

Now I’ve begun to work of correcting my posture while sitting, which is so-far proving to be much more tough, and much more painful – and so I’ve asked Sunette for support on this point, as to whether this pain was only in relation to my muscles becoming sore from this new form of sitting, or whether the pain was also related to my mind. Here is the answer:

Viktor you haven’t been sitting like that most your life – thus, posture change change muscle experience though the consequence of the previous ‘hunched’-posture can consider hiding/’not wanting to be seen’ / ‘not wanting to face you’

Thus I will investigate 1) hiding 2) not wanting to be seen 3) not wanting to face myself; this will as such be a series of three blog-posts – investigating the secrets and various dimensions of hiding.

1) Hiding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as hiding – wherein I will hide myself from others and myself – because I fear showing myself, within the belief that there is something terribly wrong with me; and that if I show myself to myself or others – that I will become judged/ridiculed because of this wrongness that I exist and live as; instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that the only wrongness I exist as is that I don’t accept and allow myself to show myself/express myself/and in-fact live in this reality one and equal – accepting and allowing myself to step out of my comfort zone and get to know myself, as well as others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as hiding – within and as the belief that I am not strong/courageous/powerful/ready enough to face the world and myself – and as such within interaction with others hold myself back; and in terms of seeing/getting to know myself – never accepting and allowing myself to recognize what I experience within me, and who I am within me in situations/moments – thinking that: “I am simply not ready to handle this” – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that this is merely a completely illogical justification/excuse as to why it’s okay that I do not change myself – within this I accept and allow myself to see/realize/understand that it’s completely fucked up to exist as hiding – and that my top priority within myself should in-fact be to change myself – and to make everything in my power to change myself in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form and shape my body one and equal as hiding – accepting and allowing myself to walk hunched, and with my shoulders hiding my breast, and my solar plexus – as such creating consequences for myself – damaging my spine and making it difficult for me to sit properly for long periods of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not step out of character – through accepting and allowing myself to stop hiding myself, and to see/realize/understand that hiding myself – as in holding myself back – stepping backwards and attempting to not be seen/recognized while I am interacting with other human beings – is completely limiting me, and isn’t in anyway fun – it’s not worth it in anyway to hold unto this creation within and as me as hiding – as such I commit myself to in every moment of breath stand up in a posture wherein I don’t accept and allow myself to hide myself – and to express myself effectively, and accept and allow myself to be see/recognized/heard when I am with people – not anymore fearing to actually live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself in fear of facing conflict – as such hiding myself when I participate with other human beings – not expressing myself self-honestly, but only expressing myself in such way that I know that others will behave, be towards me in a “pleasant” and “calm” manner – because all that I do is agree with others at all times; instead of accepting and allowing myself to step forth within and as my reality – as myself – as self-honesty – and as such accept and allow myself to not merely follow along at all times but dare to stand self-independent, and regardless of what others think/feel about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never disagree with others – never – because I am to afraid to say anything that isn’t in line with what I know that another agree with; as such I will agree with everything that another say, and never attempt/try to disagree – existing within and as fear/anxiety that another will become angry at me; as such existing/living in hiding – wherein I will at all times make sure that I hide the real me – that I hide what I see in moments, if what I see isn’t in correlation with what I know that others agree with – instead of accepting and allowing myself to stop hiding myself, and to see/realize/understand that hiding myself is not living – it’s in-fact being utterly stone dead – because everything I do is done to honor and live for fear – and obviously living for fear – I am not here – thus dead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be attracted towards people that dare to be different, and dare to speak up – and say what they think even though everyone around them completely rejects them; because that is what I want to be/live within and as me – and that is what I know that I’ve disregarded and suppressed within and as me – instead accepting and allowing myself to create myself as a placid, shy, nervous character – that isn’t ever seen/heard – and that nobody in-fact knows exist – because I am so good at always doing that which others expect of me that nobody even notice me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of coming out from my hiding, to instead idolize and attempt to make friends with beings in my world that I’ve seen possess this quality of being able to speak up, and speak out – and not be disturbed, or moved by the fact that a great number of people are completely annoyed with what they are saying; within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to let myself see to the extent that I’ve limited myself existing as the hiding character – where I will always exist within and as fear that a part of the real me will be seen by others – in fear as to how this will affect and influence others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a expert at being liked and appreciated by everyone – and become a expert at being no hassle at all to anyone what-so-ever because I will do what anyone asks of me immediately without even considering within me – whether what I am doing is common sense or completely stupid – within this forgive myself that I haven’t accept and allowed myself to develop the courage within me to break character – and to not simply live to please, and satisfy – live to be a “nice and social person” – but instead step out of character and make/create myself and my life to be something that is more than simply desiring to be liked/appreciated at all times

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself – to not only hide from others, but also within me – refuse to see how I experience myself, what I backchat about – what reactions that I have – and what is actually going on within me – as such existing within a double hiding – wherein I will hide on the outside, and I will hide on the inside – as such living a complete lie, not having any touch with/insight into reality – as my relationship with myself is completely fake because all I ever do is pretending with myself, as well as my relationships with others is fake – because all I ever do is pretending that I am someone that I am not; instead of accepting and allowing myself to stop this stupid pattern, and see that I am only creating this pattern because I fear the truth of me, and that I fear facing conflict – both within and without; but I see/realize/understand that living a lie is not worth anything – it sucks – as such I push/will myself to step out of my lie and to manifest/create myself here as real – as not anymore lying/pretending – but in-fact getting to know myself for real, and develop real and actual relationships with others wherein my interaction isn’t based upon being liked – but instead me expressing and directing me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sticking out – and to fear being annoying/perceived as annoying by others – and as such commit myself to a life of seclusion, wherein the real me – and the real experience of myself is never shown or uttered/spoken – and do the same within myself – wherein I’ve never accepted and allowed myself to in-fact recognize how I exist within me – thinking/believing that what I exist/live as is bad – as such myself being a bully towards myself, as that which I fear others will do unto me – through me – the moment I see something within me – instead of recognizing this, and allowing myself to look deeper into what it is that I experience/think – immediately suppress the point – in fear of me judging and seeing myself as bad; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my living both within and without overly complicated – wherein I’ve constructed/created characters upon characters attempting and trying to hide the real truth of myself – instead of simply seeing the truth of myself and then assist/supporting myself to change this truth of myself into something that I am proud of and can stand by into eternity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that the consequence of hiding is stagnation – that I will simply remain the same because I am not willing to admit to myself my weaknesses, my points of backchat and reaction – and also my external reality will remain the same – because I am not willing to speak up, and to in-fact take the driver seat of my reality – to not accept and allow my external reality to be whatever that it wants to be – but to instead push/impulse my external reality to be what is best for all – equally as I push and impulse myself each day to change myself and stand up as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself as to my tendency of hiding myself both within and without – so that I can as such release myself from this limiting pattern and instead start living for real – as seeing the real me within me – working with the real issues I have within me – as well as speaking real words with those in my world/reality – talking about real issues and problems – and finding a solution to these – and as such expand both within and without – with the consequence of what is best for all manifesting

I commit myself to step out of my comfort zone – and to get to know myself as well as others; within this seeing/realizing/understanding that there is nothing wrong/shameful about me that I must hide from myself/others – but that this is merely an excuse/justification that I’ve created so that I don’t have change; I see the stupidity in not wanting to change – and as such I remove this excuse/justification – and I will myself to in every moment stop hiding from myself, as well as others – one and equal

I commit myself to not hold myself back when interacting/participating with others, and I commit to get to know the real me – and not continue to hide from myself through as a experience come up within me – think that: “oh well, that was nothing – no need to look on that anymore – this just came up once, it’s nothing” – but to instead recognize the point that came up – and later write about the point – and as such open up to myself the entirety of myself – as all of myself – not accepting and allowing myself to have a single secret existing within me

I commit myself to correct my posture – and to do this slowly but surely, so that I do not strain my human physical body – but I see/realize/understand that I’ve created this in-effective posture during a long time, and as such I see/realize/understand that it will take a long time to correct my posture, and make myself able to sit straight without experiencing pain or discomfort in my spine or back-area

I commit myself to as I interact with others – to not hunch my shoulders inwards, and take a step backwards – attempting to make myself small and unnoticeable – to try and hide myself; but I instead correct my posture, I stand straight up and open up my shoulders – and I accept and allow myself to participate with others – communicate/speak when the opportunity open up to do so – and to not accept and allow myself to let me be controlled and directed by and through fear

I commit myself to speak/interact self-honestly – and to stop my pattern/behavior of hiding myself in the “I agree”-character – wherein I will speak and interact from a starting point of attempting and trying to have others remain “calm” and “nice” towards me – through agreeing and remaining neutral in every way – no matter what others do or say in the moment – and as such I commit myself to speak and live – and be self-honest – even though this will bring forth conflict in my world – and as such not fear conflict – but to stand stable in conflict and remain with my principle as to walking/living/speaking what is best for all – as common sense

I commit myself to not agree with others – simply because I fear disagreeing – and instead speak/communicate within and as common sense – and really ask myself within myself – whether I am in-fact agreeing, or disagreeing with the point presented – or whether I simply do not care about the point – as such pushing myself to be self-honest; and to not play apart in another’s life within wanting and desiring to be accepted – but to instead accept and allow myself to be perceived as unconventional and strange – not fearing this – honoring myself as my individual self-expression that comes forth in the moment – not attempting and trying to control me in order to keep my reality stable; obviously seeing/realizing/understanding that I will due to the shape/form of our current money system have to compromise this point of unconditional self-expression – due to me requiring money, and me having express myself as certain pleasurable, and agreeable characters to be able to attain such money

I commit myself to awaken/develop within me that which I see and admire within others – as being able to speak up and be heard – and stand stable within that speaking up regardless if others become angry and menacing towards that person for what he said; as such I accept and allow myself to develop and grow as myself – self-independence and assertiveness

I commit myself to instead of making friends with people that I admire – in order to feel close to the characteristics/living applications of others that I’ve suppressed and denied with myself; to instead develop/create these points within and as me – and as such learn from others – and be self-honest within myself as to what it is that I admire within others, and want to create within me and live as

I commit myself to step out of the “nice and social character” – and live by a principle that is beyond self-interest as the desire to be liked; and develop myself to instead participation with others take into consideration what is best for all – and not what is best for my character of wanting and desiring to be accepted – I remove this character and I birth in it’s place the ability to consider common sense

I commit myself to stop lying and pretending both within and without; and as such face what I fear as the truth of myself, and the conflict of myself – and to as such face the conflict both within and without; seeing/realizing/understanding that a living a lie is not worth anything at all – and that the only acceptable way to live is to stop the lie and become real – with myself – and with others

I commit myself to make the living of myself both within and without – as simple as breathing; and as such stop creating characters within and without – stop attempting to run away from the truth, and stop attempting to create characters of being pleasurable and nice in order to have others like me; but instead discover/develop the real me – as who I am as the physical – as a physical being with no experience/reaction

I commit myself to step out of the character as the allower – as the hiding-character – that simply let everything within and without slide past without attempting/trying/making a change – speaking up – and directing what is within and without; as such I commit myself to stop seeing my life as a movie that simply passes me by – but to instead stand up within myself and direct myself in every moment of breath according to common sense – as what is best for all; seeing/realizing/understanding that it’s up to me to change me, and that it’s up to me to change/direct my reality in such a way that I see is best for all – no-one else is going to do it for me

I commit myself to be honest with myself – and start living for real – and speaking for real/communicating for real – both with myself and others; and as such stop living a lie – and become physical

A Problem? In me? What? No! It Can’t Be!

Context:

This support was given to me by Anu as I asked the question why it is that my left foot hurt in sharp stabbing pains as I communicate, and interact with people in my world/reality:

“Viktor – pain is related to hiding, where you’re trying to hide your backchat when speaking with people, so which means you’re

not stopping participation in the backchat but going into suppression and hiding, which means you’re still reacting to your own backchat”

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my own backchat, through thinking that the backchat coming up within me as thoughts is “bad” and “wrong” – thinking and believing the if I accept and allow myself to see this backchat, and recognize that I do in-fact have backchat that comes up within me – that I will be seen as “bad” and “wrong” – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I’ve created a relationship towards backchat – a personal relationship – and that I’ve attached definitions of moral ideas unto the backchat – instead of simply seeing, realizing and understanding – that the backchat is a program, it’s words accumulated through time – and it’s not good or bad – but simply – what is – and as such I push, and will myself to stand in this understanding, realization within and as myself in every moment of breath – so that I am able to see the backchat that comes up within me – not suppress the backchat – and accordingly STOP participating in the backchat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse the application of hiding, and suppressing backchat – with the application of stopping participation in backchat – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that these are two very different applications – when I hide I will simply continue to experience myself physically uncomfortable, and still be “in the experience” – yet think that “I am okay” – while when I stop participating in backchat – I will experience myself physically here – relaxed and comfortable in my body – breathing and being aware of the detail of myself as my physical body – seeing within me that I remain here and that I don’t follow the thoughts, as backchat that comes up within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself as being “better than backchat” – existing within me in a experience, and belief of myself as being superior to backchat – as such having the perfect excuse, and justification as to why I should be allowed to simply disregard what comes up within me – and immediately suppress and hide myself from any point of backchat, or reaction that comes up within me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding – that hiding from, and suppressing backchat/experiences – do not in anyway support me – and I am not in-fact superior to the backchat – because even though I cleverly think I’ve escaped the backchat – I do in-fact know – and see – that the backchat is still controlling me – and that I am still possessed by the backchat – which I am able to see and experience as how it is I experience my human physical body as being constricted, and tense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the character of “I am not my thoughts, I simply breath through my thoughts” – as a way of escaping myself as the consequence I’ve created for myself – as the shit I’ve accepted and allowed to accumulate, and fester within me – as backchat, reactions, inner conversations – and mind-fucks – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that – I can’t simply “breath through it” – because I require to sit down and investigate myself through writing and self-forgiveness, as I’ve integrated these patterns of inner fuckedness in such a way that I can’t even see what it is that I am doing – because I’ve in-fact become the patterns – and as such it’s obvious that in order for me to see myself – I require to see what words, and behaviors I live within me – on a paper in-front of me – so that I at the same paper am able to write/place new words – as the correction to be lived – as the new design I create and place within me – as a self-supportive living-creation that supports me to become a more effective, and practical human being – in the context of living what is best for all in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within, and participate in, and live as the character of and as “If I shut my eyes, and simply wait it will disappear” – as the character of and as the “allower” – wherein I will simply hope that what goes in within me will disappear if I stop giving it attention – when in-fact this is a character-trait of and as giving up – and thinking that I am inferior to the mind – and as such I will hide, and suppress what goes on in my as my mind – because I think that I can’t change it, I think that I am chanceless – and no matter what I do – my mind – and how I exist as my mind will always remain the same – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is in-fact bullshit – because I’ve walked sufficient with points – and walked my talk so to speak – to such an extent that I am in-fact able to see that I am able to change myself – and that no matter what fuckedness I have lived into creation – I am able to reverse the process and in-fact birth myself as life from the physical – through stopping a self-destructive pattern – and replacing it with a self-supportive pattern

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that unless I accept and allow myself to see/experience/feel/be aware of the problem – that I will not be able to stop the problem – as such I see, realize and understand the necessity of accepting and allowing myself to see who and what I’ve created myself to be as backchat/reactions/and experiences – because unless I do so – I won’t be able to through self-forgiveness, writing, and self-corrective applications change my experience of myself to become life – as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what I sweep under the rug – will continue to be under the rug – until I lift the rug and look at what is under the rug – and then remove what is under the rug

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character of and as myself as “I have no problems, I am fine” – creating this idea of myself within myself – wherein I will as such suppress what goes on within me, as what comes up and exists within me as reactions/experiences/memories/backchat – instead of accepting and allowing myself to be intimate with myself, and vulnerable with myself – and see that – I am in-fact fucked within myself – yet that is nothing bad – that is only what it is – and in-fact a opportunity for me to correct this fuckedness into life – as such I accept and allow myself to in every moment see/experience/be here with what goes on within me – and in-fact get to know me – and be self-honest with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself as “I am strong, so these experiences within me don’t affect” – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding – that this very statement I make within me, indicate that the experiences I have within me – do in-fact affect – else why would I ever design such a statement within me, unless this was to direct/cover up/suppress a experience within me? As such I see, realize and understand that everything that comes up within me is relevant – and requires investigation – and requires to be forgiven, let go of – and corrected – and as such I see, realize and understand that there is A LOT OF WORK TO BE DONE – yet this isn’t something I require to have an experience towards – it’s simply what it is – and as such I take a breath and I walk the talk – until it’s done – and I am here with the rest of existence – in a reality where all are able to enjoy themselves – and develop themselves to their utmost potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to develop a effective communication with myself – wherein I accept and allow myself to in-fact recognize the extreme amounts of shit within me – to see that yes there is shit within me that must be dealt with – yet this is nothing bad – it’s simply what it is – and that in order to direct these points I require to see the points – as such I accept and allow myself to feel myself – and to experience myself – and to see what is going on within myself – and from starting point of unconditionally being here with myself – I begin to walk the process of correcting the shit to life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character of and as “I am perfect” – “I must be perfect” – creating myself within me as fear of seeing anything within me that I’ve defined as “not being perfect” – thinking that I must always experience myself pristine, and clear within me – else “I am not perfect” – creating within this character a tendency to always suppress shit that comes up within me as backchat, and internal conversations – and to hide from my problems and issues thinking that “this can’t be me, because it’s not perfect” – not seeing, realizing and understanding that the points are in-fact coming up within me – and as such they are me – and as such I am not really perfect – but I am really fucked up – and the sooner I accept and allow myself to see this – the faster I am able to get down to business and sort this shit out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not come to peace with the fact within myself – that I am not perfect – but that I am in-fact fucked up – seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no shame in being fucked up – it simply is what it is – and in-fact a opportunity for me to correct this fuckedness into life – as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire – and to pretend within myself – and towards others that “I am perfect” – thinking that my lie will become a truth if I hold unto it long enough – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am merely sabotaging myself from seeing, and dealing with my problem points – to as such in-fact walk through my problem points, and correct them – so that I won’t have to pretend that “I am perfect” – but that I can in-fact be perfect in all and every way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even though it might feel as my lie that “I am perfect” is real – the truth will always come back and show it’s ugly face – as such I see, realize and understand that it’s much more sane, and common sense to simply at this moment – let go of the idea that I am perfect – to face the consequences and get this shit over with – so that I am able to live here without being full of shit

Commitment-Statements

I commit myself to stop defining what comes up within me as either good, or bad – and I commit myself to become intimate, and vulnerable with myself – and to really see/feel/experience what is within me – what thoughts come up within me – and as such really learn who I am and how I function

I commit myself to find out, and learn – what it is to stop participation in backchat – and what it is to suppress, and hide backchat – to as such become effective within me to not hide, and suppress what goes on within me – but instead stop what goes on within me and bring myself back here to the physical

I commit myself to not see and define myself as being superior to and better than backchat – but to see that backchat is me – as a spoiled child that I haven’t yet told to fuck-off and to behave in a way to supports life – and as such I commit myself to stand equal and one with my children as backchat – and see that they are not good, nor bad – simply children that haven’t been given a effective education – and within this I take it upon myself to stand as the point of teacher within me – educating my backchat to STOP – and educating myself to become life

I commit myself to not disregard what comes up within me as backchat/reactions/experiences within the thought and idea that “I am superior to backchat” – and I instead accept and allow myself to see/realize/understand that what comes up within me is here as me – and is relevant to look at – and that I am not superior to what comes up within me – as I can physically feel that I am influenced by the points that show within me – as such I will myself to stand equal to the points coming up within me – and direct the points in equality and oneness here with myself

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that I can’t simply “breath through” the consequences I’ve created for myself – but that I require to sit down and investigate my consequences through writing, self-forgiveness – and that I require to walk the correction physically – through commitment-statements and breath-walking – here

I commit myself to not take a short-cut when I face points within me – but to walk the point specifically, and effectively – and deal with all dimension of the point – and not be satisfied until I’ve walked the point in the specificity required for me to be able to in-fact stop participating in the point – and correct myself in the physical – to walk and express as life – as breath

I commit myself to not give up, and think that I am inferior to what goes on within me – and utilize this point as an excuse, and justification for me not to change myself – and I instead stand up within and as me – and will myself to see that I am able to in-fact change myself – and that all I require to do so is to be consistent and disciplined within my self-investigation process – and my physical self-correction process

I commit myself to be aware of my problem-points – to recognize my weak-spots – and to within this accept and allow myself to work with these points – and remove them from within and as myself

I commit myself to see, realize and understand – that I will only be able to work with, and correct a point – when I accept and allow myself to see, and recognize the point

I commit myself to stop existing within and as the character of “I have no problems, I am fine” – to instead get into the reality of myself – which is that I am fucked – and that I require to walk and deal with this fuckedness that is myself – and within this correct myself to become life

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that what goes on within me as thoughts/reactions/backchat do have an effect upon me – which I can see when I am self-honest with myself as to how I physically experience myself – as such I stop thinking that my mind can’t affect me – and I instead realize that I do and can affect me – and that it’s as such of importance that I am self-honest with everything that goes on within me – and that I accept and allow myself to look at, and work with – recognize all the points that is/going within me

I commit myself to be patient with myself – as I see that there is A LOT OF WORK TO BE DONE

I commit myself to develop effective communication with myself – through applying the point of self-writing, and self-forgiveness – and walking my DIP course consistently – and disciplined – everyday

I commit myself that see, realize and understand that I am not perfect – and that there are things within me that are not perfect – and within this I see that I’ve used the thought that “I am perfect” – in order to avoid to see, and recognize the shit that I’ve accepted and allowed to exist within me – and within this I commit myself to develop and create myself as actual perfection – and stop existing within the idea that I am perfect – through walking the 7 year process as the journey to life – of each day participating within – and pushing myself within self-communication – and self-support

I commit myself to come to peace with the fact that I am fucked – as I see that only when I accept and allow myself to see that I am in-fact fucked – will I be able to deal with, and change this point within and as me that I am fucked

I commit myself to stop pretending to myself, and others that “I am perfect” – and I instead accept and allow myself to recognize myself within myself as what I’ve become – and how I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist and function within myself

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that hiding, and suppression is useless – because the truth will not go away – until I practically, and physically change the truth of myself – to something that honors life – and that is best for all – even then the truth will not go away – but instead be a point that I am satisfied with