Tag Archives: inferiority

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Day 370: Equal Regardless of Position

I have recently begun walking through a pattern of fear/inferiority/anxiety in relation to superiors at work. It is an interesting point to look deeper into, because it reveals many parts of how I have set up my mind to function in relation to money, status and position. I have come to realize that it is not really about my superiors at all, it is not about the work at all, the entire pattern is showing me something about myself, and how I have dis-empowered myself, and placed the power to live/express in relation to money, the system, career, into some very narrow and specific physical manifestations.

On a superficial level, the pattern tends to play out as follows: My superior will come around, I will experience anxiety and fear, and become held back and less expressive – and I will over-analyze most things my superior say and many times come to the conclusion that what he or she has said has been some form of insult or hidden critique towards me. That will add fuel to the fire so to speak and increase my experience of paranoia.

Where is this fear coming from? What I have been able to see is that I have placed a lot of value and power into my superiors – I believe that they have the power and initiative to give or withhold my access to money, my ability to create my life and my ability to survive – basically that I need them to stand beside me – and to be there for me for my life to work. I have as such projected my own power and authority to make decisions and move myself in my life unto my superiors – which is a serious limitation.

It is not only a limitation, it is also irrational. Because fact is that I do not need my superiors to like me, to stand beside me, to want me as part of their organization, for me to be effective in this world system – for me to be effective with money – for me to be effective within establishing a career for myself. Sure, if I have an effective relationship with my superior it might make things easier, however it will not determine anything, because the determining factor is ALWAYS myself.

I made it through my university education primarily because of myself, the decisions I made and followed through upon, my determination, my consistency, that was what allowed me to pass my exams and get my current job – and thus – I created my own opportunities. It was not my superiors, and the same goes with my current job – I am the one making sure that I continue to develop, expand and move within the settings of my current job – I am the one pushing myself to go further – nobody else. And thus, I see, realize and understand, that the point I must embrace is that I am responsible for my own life and there really is no other authority but myself. I am the author of my life and nobody else.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project power, authority, control and direction unto my superior – and thus believe that I need my superiors liking in order to make something out of myself, to remain stable in my life, to remain consistent in my life and be able to create an effective relationship with money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own power and authority unto the money system, unto my superior, unto my education, unto my teachers, unto my grades and marks, and believe that it is they/them that control my future and how my life will play out – and that I thus must make sure to please and satisfy all of these various characters – thinking that if I do not do that – it will have severe repercussions – and I will not be able to do anything what-so-ever with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and recognize my own value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for someone else to give me a sense of value, and to stand as my point of power and authority – instead me taking on and standing as these points myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life and everything in it will work out when I am accepted by my superior, when things are going smoothly at my job, when I am seemingly accepted by the current system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I approach life from within and as that assumptive starting point – I am creating consequences for myself – because I am not actively living, directing and moving my life in the direction within which I see that it would best if it moves into – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution is that I take charge and responsibility for all parts of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear authority and feel inferior to authority and want to serve authorities so that I can save myself from a bad outcome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority and to believe that I am not capable of doing that – and that I need someone else to stand that point for me – that I need someone stronger and more apt to be my authority – thinking, perceiving and believing that I am not able to do it for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not valuable enough to stand as an authority in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not strong enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the right to be an authority – that I need someones permission to take up and stand in the role of being an authority in my own life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority in my own life – in fear that I am going to be attacked, harmed, and excommunicated – that I am going to be forced to leave this world and life behind – because other authorities sees me as infringing on their power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe and secure when I am able to have someone else be an authority in my life – because then I can have them make decisions for me – them take responsibility for me – them be the person that I blame if things do not go as I would like them to go – and hence I see, realize and understand, that this is a limitation – and not in the image and likeness of my full potential

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear and inferiority towards my superiors, I stop myself, take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this fear that comes up within me it is limiting me from interacting with my superior one and equal, in a comfortable and easy-going manner – and that in turn limits me from expanding my relationships – and here I see, realize and understand, that the real problem I have is not about my superiors, it is about me and my relationship with myself, where I have come to define myself and my value according to position, stature and money, instead of me trusting myself HERE within and as my human physical body to live grounded and simple – equal with all others physical expressions – thus I commit myself to remind myself that I am the directive principle of my life with regards to career, money and work – and that these are points that I take full responsibility for and do not push over unto my superior – and I commit myself to breathe and ground myself back into my body – into my point of equality – and then practice interacting with my superior as I would with anyone else – as an equal


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Day 111: Automatic Dreaming

I am here continuing on the points of career and money, and today I am going to look more closely at dreaming, hoping and projecting, and in essence, going into my mind to build various ideas about how the future could turn out instead of being here.

What I’ve noticed is that, this pattern of dreaming, hoping and projecting myself into the future, it’s completely automatic, and within this I’ve realized, that it’s obviously not “Me” within self-direction that makes the decision to consider and look at the future, though this is what I’ve liked to believe in the past – that it’s “Me” looking at the future, “Me” looking at what I can do in the coming time, not seeing, realizing and understand how it’s not really me, but that this pattern simply comes up within me.

So, today I got up from bed, and I went into the shower, and as I stepped into the shower, I could notice how my mind was beginning to move into future projections, and this specifically in regards to whether, or whether not I should study a particular course next year or not – Thus, instead of showering, practically caring for and tending to my body, I was now considering something completely irrelevant to the moment within which I was physically existing and participating.

It’s interesting, that these dreams, hopes and projections come up in my mind, and they present themselves as if they were something new, “a new opportunity” or “a new perspective” – when really it’s merely a cycle in my head that turns and moves exactly the same with the slight difference of presenting me a set of other pictures. So, for example – a couple of days I ago I had dreams, and hopes about attaining a specific career path, and thus these images, and projections manifested in my mind, equally the same in their nature as the images and pictures manifesting in regards to studying a course next yet, with the point differing that they were presented with different pictures.

If I look more closely at where this pattern originate from, I can see that as a first layer, there is excitement, happiness and eagerness – feeling good about creating “my future” and “my life” – though, beyond this layer, there is a layer of fear, uncertainty and anxiety, and my dreams, projections and hopes, are in-fact a response to these fears, wherein I attempt and try to level out, and calm these fears, through presenting myself with happy, positive, and exciting images in my mind.

Obviously, this doesn’t work very well, because I do not practically deal with the fears and sort them out, I merely create happy pictures in my mind to suppress the fears – and as such I realize, that in order to get to the bottom of this system, I must become much more specific as to detailing and de-constructing the specific origin and nature of these projections, and dreams – where do they come from? Exactly, and specifically what type of fears are fueling these future projections? And within walking this point specifically, I will be able to let go of this pattern – and also begin to plan my living for REAL – which implies that I look at points within a starting point of a self-decision – wherein there are no happy feelings generated, and no fear in the picture – but I instead look at the practical physical reality of what is here and make decisions according to this.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as dreams, hopes, fantasies and imaginations in my mind, from a starting point of positive, excitement-energy – wherein I go into my mind and start thinking about my future from a starting point of FEELING – not seeing, realizing and understand how it is that I can’t possibly trust a feeling to in anyway give me a substantial and effective positioning in regards to making a effective plan for my future – because when I consider points in excitement and feeling, or fear and anxiety, I disallow myself from seeing the exact and specific nature of what is here – and thus unable myself to make a decision that is effective in that it’s in alignment with myself and my physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I go into my imagination, and I begin to dream about the future, and there is no specific context in my world and reality, as to why I should bring this point up, as to why I should in this very moment take a breath and within me plan my future, that this is then a pre-programmed pattern, coming up within me automatically and without my directive decision – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally take a breath – and within this push myself to not accept and allow myself to be possessed and loose myself in imagination – but that I instead remain physical – remain grounded and remain here with my body – and that I then make sure that when I do plan my future – that I do so as a specific decision in a moment – and that support myself in my decision making through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when imaginations, fantasies, and dreams just come up within me, without me making a decision, then this is in-fact a point of distraction, here for me to go into my mind instead of breathing and remaining here with my body, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath through and unconditionally let this particular dream, fantasy or projection, go – and not participate in it – but simply let it unconditionally come up within me and then be released and let go of – as I make the decision to not participate but instead remain here with and as breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the majority of my future plans, projections, dreams and hopes are coming from within and as a starting point of fear, and anxiety – wherein I as the first trigger have a thought of fear coming up within me, that then trigger me to go into a state of attempting to generate a positive energy within me, as a state of excitement, or love, which I then attempt and try to do through participating in these future projections, and these future ideas, hopes, and desires about how my life could play out – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I work with planning and mapping out my future – to be very specific in how I do this – to make sure that I do the actual practical and physical research in regards to the decisions I am about to make – so that I know that the decisions I make are what they make out to be and not only a hope – and that I also make sure that my decisions and plans are not coming from a secret and hidden starting point within me of fear wherein I thus suppress and compromise myself through making a decision upon the basis of fear instead of upon the basis of what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I tend to make decisions, and fantasize about the future, from within and as a starting point of energy, wherein I go into and as a specific positive energy towards creating a particular future for myself, as for example taking a specific education, or going into a specific career, instead of realizing that my dreaming, my hoping, and my fantasizing, isn’t based upon the actuality of what such a movement and plan entails – it’s just a feeling that I’ve attached to a particular point and then I believe that in manifesting this particular point I will experience that particular feeling coming up within me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not how the physical operates – and that what I dream about is not in anyway what this physical real – reality in-fact entails on a practical and physical basis

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the sprout of energy, to the experience of positivity, hope, and energy buzz that come up within me as I start to imagine, think about, and fantasize about the future, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions on a whim, to make decisions because they feel good, and because they make feel like I am important, and high within and as energy, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, to bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and practice to instead make decisions that are grounded, practical, that I’ve researched effectively, that I am clear within, and I know what I am doing, and that aren’t merely based upon what I experience as a particular energetic charge coming up in my mind, claiming me instead of me being stable and directive and specific in my self-movement in my world and reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when a particular plan, or imagination come up in my mind, that is coupled with energy, as a positive charge, that this should set of the warning bells within me, because here I am dealing with a decision that isn’t based upon actual practical research, but that is based upon how I feel, how I experience myself, what particular feeling and experience-connections that I’ve connected to various ideas of what I’d like to do in the future, and it’s as such not in anyway based upon an actual physical assessment of my future, what it is that I want to do with my future, and how I can in the best possible way create my future to be aligned with the purpose of creating a world that is best for all in all ways

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that I can actually figure things out in my mind, that I can actually, create relevant outcomes, and relevant solutions in my mind, when the starting point is that of energy, instead of seeing that the very nature of energy, is to remain in conflict, is to remain cycling, is to remain constantly unstable, changing, and moving around, simply because, this is how energy functions – and thus to make an effective, real and relevant decision – I require to sit down in and as my physical world and reality – I require to make a physical decision – based upon physical considerations – based what I am able to see – assess – and understand as being real on a physical basis – because only in making a physical decision – will I be able to stand clear and stable with a decision as it’s not based on this constant friction, conflict, and cycling of energy – it’s stable – it’s physical – it’s a decision made HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to stop existing within and as my mind in fear – anxiety, and the polarity opposite of excitement in regards to planning my future, my life, and my living – and I thus forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to sit down and write out my plans – to look at where they come from – are they energy based, are they in-fact relevant? Are they based on a idea, or an actual real assessment of a point? And thus – I commit myself to bring myself back here – and walk decision from a starting point of physical real reality

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into my mind and start thinking about my future, cycling within myself in energy, going from a positive, to a negative, instead of remaining here – stable within and as breath – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that the solution to this point – is not to make decisions in my mind from a starting point of energy – but is to write, is to clear myself, and is to ground myself in the physical and practice physical decision making; as such I commit myself to clear myself from my inner cycling of positive and negative – and I commit myself to ground myself here and practice and eventually perfect – making practical and physical decisions

I commit myself to stop cycling in positives and negatives in my mind – and I instead commit myself to dedicate myself to being here as breath – and I commit myself to when I make decisions to utilize the tool of writing – to utilize the tool of self-forgiveness and self-commitments – to make sure that I am clear within myself and that my decision is practical – physical – and that the purpose of the decision is what is best for all – and that it’s a clear decision and that I see it’s best for all and thus common sense

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Day 63: From InFEARiority To Life

Inferiority, and fear – that is the topic of today.

Now, something fascinating that I’ve noticed with inferiority and fear is that it comes up with specific persons, and it’s very much related to his-story, also history, because – I will within my mind evaluate a person, define their worth, according to who I think that person is, and this assumption will be based on my conjured fantasy in my mind about the story of the other persons life.

inferiority_complex_by_cheshirespider-d3ha5flThough there will also be other aspects that creates this experience of inferiority, but history, and my perception about the other human being, as to what type of life they live, whether they have a big social network or not, whether they have much money or not, whether they hold a position of responsibility or not, these are things that will influence my stability and expression with another human being.

Thus at the moment I will change my expression of myself depending who I believe the other person to be, depending on the worth I believe they have in relation to me – and this value can either be positive or negative, either more or less than my own perceived value.

What is fascinating is that I am within this missing the point of equality; which means that everyone is made out of the same stuff. When I remove his-story, as the perceived history of each being, I mean, what is left is the physical – and within that it’s easy to see that me changing depending on who it is that I am interacting with is delusional, and it’s a form of self-compromise, wherein I compromise myself as my natural expression and give into fear, as I am IN FEAR, as inferiority.

Another aspect that is fascinating is that I am changing myself upon the basis of the picture of another that I see, and I mean this picture of another is not the entirety of another being, it’s just one very small part of them – but in giving all value to this picture, and perceiving that picture of another to be “all of them” – I am missing to actually get to know another human-being as who they are, which will take time, and being able to be open and intimate, and not judge, or create any pre-conceived ideas about another.

Thus, I will today work with this point of going into immediate reaction of inferiority upon the basis of who I believe another to be, based on how they look, what education they have, what career they have, or what social groups they interact with.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear, and inferiority when communicating with another human being, thinking and believing that another human being is worth more than me, because they speak different than me, or they interact with other people, or their life is different from mine, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define human beings on the basis of context, and on the basis of the picture that I see, instead of seeing direct here within and as oneness and equality, and not creating a bias or a judgment of another, but simply seeing that in the flesh – here – regardless of one’s context were as human beings all the same

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself, and sharing myself with beings that perceive to have a position of responsibility, and a position of importance, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, and worthless, and meaningless in comparison to this other person, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am missing the physical here, I am missing that equality is here within and as the physical and that I don’t have to hold unto this fear, but that I am instead able to stand eye to eye to all beings in this existence regardless of their past, regardless of their social standing in this world; in realizing that no one is more, or less than another because we all meet in the physical here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that I am inferior to another, and that this just the way things work, and that there is nothing I can do about this because I am apparently as a human being, a failure, and thus I must place myself in a position of inferiority, and insubordination, and simply allow myself to make the best of it, as in at least making sure that I don’t loose my position that I have at the moment; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not BREATH, and realize that HERE as BREATH there is no more than, or less than, because here as breath we’re all equal and one – and there is ONE physical, there is ONE breath, there is ONE earth – and thus we’re all equal in that; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully align myself with and as the physical and stand with and as the physical HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, and define myself as being a nuisance when contacting, or speaking with certain individuals in my world, thinking and believing that they have more value than me, and accordingly I must make sure that I keep them happy, that I don’t take up too much of their time, and that I make sure I remember my position as me being inferior; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit, and hold myself back in interaction with others, through participating within and as inferiority, through participating within and as feeling less than, and fearing that I will be ridiculed, or attacked if I am to express myself unconditionally and fully in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when this inferiority come up within me, I have a decision to make, to either continue to accept and allow inferiority to be the directive of and as my life, or stand up HERE and make sure that I am the directive of my life, and that I do not accept and allow inferiority to in anyway be the directive principle of me, but that I dare to express myself, I dare to move myself, I dare to be seen, to be heard, to be HERE and participate with others without thinking that I am less than

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to take a stand in accepting myself as equal with others, as realizing that I am not less than, and I am not more than, and thus there is nothing I need to protect, there is nothing I need to fear, there is nothing I need to become and be for others, because I am here as breath, as the physical – and I mean that is purity, that is fulfillment, that is all that there is – HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the simplicity of living equality and oneness – as it’s in-fact being HERE and not using the mind as the past to direct me, but instead seeing direct, moving myself direct, and standing here, living here, participating here, DIRECT and without a mind; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to my human physical body, and when I experience a fear of speaking, a fear of expressing myself, and I see that I am suppressing myself because I fear being a nuisance, and I fear being in the way – that I stop myself and I bring myself back here – and I express myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the only person able to give me value, worth, and equality as me in-fact living, expressing myself, directing myself, that is me – and as such there is nothing to wait for, there is nothing to hope for, because in the end – the point to change my life is me; and that what I require is a decision and that I then take this decision into and as practical living application, that I move this decision into and as reality through physically moving, and directing myself as the words I’ve decided to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that another is not responsible for me feeling inferior, because it’s my decision to feel inferior, it’s my decision to suppress myself, it’s my decision to accept myself as inferior, it’s my decision to not express myself, it’s my decision to not live – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to actively change my participation, and to actively re-direct myself to not decide to live inferiority, to not decide to live less-than – but to instead live HERE with and as my human physical body in equality and oneness in realizing that this is the solution and that I am the one that I’ve been waiting for this entire time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing myself with others thinking that I am in the way when I share myself with others, and that mostly I’ve got nothing of relevance, and importance to say, and thus it’s better that I shut up, and that I simply remain quite – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit, suppress, and hold myself back – and to not change myself in realizing that I do like to express myself, and I do see that it benefits me, that I enjoy myself, and that I mean it’s not irrelevant what I have to share, and that it’s not of no importance, but that it’s me that judge myself before I’ve even expressed and moved myself, as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here and allow myself to make that leap within myself of realizing that: it’s up to me if I want to live in this life or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I need to hold unto my inferiority, because if I was to let go, then maybe I would completely explode into my world as this point of uncontrollable expression, and that people would be pissed of at me, and that I would ruin all the relationships in my world; and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this is a justification as fear, a seemingly rational point that in essence is nothing but bullshit, and that I use to not have to change – to not have to move, and direct myself, to not have to actually step of my game and become and live that which I want and desire to live – as a human being that is comfortable, that is at ease – and that is confident and without any issues or problems

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into inferiority – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize, and understand that at this moment I have a decision to make – and the decision is: will I remain in inferiority or will I change and live? And within this I see that the obvious decision is to change, because that is honoring myself, that is in-fact living, and that is in-fact making my life on this earth worthwhile; as such I commit myself to change – to straighten up my back, and to make a directive decision as to who I am in the moment – as I speak, or I don’t speak, or I move myself, or I direct this point – and to not allow my decision to be of inferiority – but instead a self-directed decision as what is best for me

When and as I see that I go into self suppression, because I think that I am inferior to another, and thus I should shut up, and I shouldn’t express myself because I am not worth it, and I should just remain in the background; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is me fucking myself up inside myself, wherein I am in-fact destroying my life, destroying my opportunity to be here and direct myself and enjoy myself in this world, because I believe that this experience of inferiority is real, when it’s really just bullshit and energy that is not physical; as such I commit myself to express myself, to move and direct myself, and to realize that I decide who I am – and that inferiority does not decide who I am

When and as I see that I am going into and as a state of self-suppression, as holding unto fear, and believing that fear is my god, and that when fear comes up within me, I better listen to this fear because apparently it has something important to tell me about who I am, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t accept and allow this fear to remain within me, because this fear kills me literally, because all that I become is but a slave to fear, as someone that does what fear tells me to do, and not evaluating and assessing the common sense of a moment; as such I commit myself to move, and direct myself HERE as common sense and to transcend, challenge, and move through my fear, in realizing that my fear can’t control me – I control and direct myself

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Day 58: Fear in Relation to Having My Own Business

Today I am going to continue with writing about fears, and anxieties in relation to creating, and moving myself within my own business.

So, what I’ve noticed is that the primary points are fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and also fear of loosing money – which is in essence fear of the unknown, because I not having any money I am going to face the great big unknown. Thus – these points I notice hold me back from really committing myself, and fully engaging myself in my decision to walk my own business.

It’s fascinating – that what I fear I will create – for example; when I fear failure I will manifest failure, and here I could do it through not committing myself fully but instead “staying in the back” – because if I commit myself fully then I will stand the risk of actually loosing something, something that I’ve cared for, and given my all to walk.

Thus – when there is fear of failure, and fear of the unknown – I can’t commit myself fully and that is why it’s important that I get these points out of the way and bring myself back here to the physical to walk physical real actuality HERE.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself, and to fear walking fully this opportunity to have, and build my own business – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back, and to fear making decisions that will bring me failure, and as such handicap myself and make myself incapable and ineffective in my world, and my daily living – because I don’t make the decisions required to be successful because I fear failure; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be successful through not fearing failure – through making decisions without hesitation – without inferiority – without feeling less than – but instead simply making decisions HERE within and as oneness and equality as breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, and define myself as being “a little human being” and feel and experience myself as being inferior in comparison to this world – and to think that this world-system is so much more than me that I can’t possibly understand how to function, and how to move in this system – and that I will become completely devoured if I try to walk my own business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become brainwashed to fear having my own business – in believing that having my own business equals great risk, and uncertainty – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that as a matter of fact – a business that one owns is in-fact more secure, and stable than a employment because in one’s own business everything is determined by one’s own self-movement – and thus if I remain consistent, effective, and stable in my movement, and direction there will not be any problem to walk a solution financially as walking my own business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, and see myself as not being a business person – thinking that I am not meant to have my own business and due to this I am apparently allowed to go into fear, anxiety, and inferiority in relation to having, and managing my own business – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to this physical reality – and to see, realize, and understand that nobody is born to have their own business – but that it’s simply skills that one develop through practice, and through education – and that it got nothing to do with experience, or one’s so called “nature”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a idea towards having my own business that it’s dangerous, and it’s uncertain – and that I should rather avoid it and only do it as the absolutely last thing when everything else fails – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in my living, in my life, in my direction, and in my commitment to myself to walk this life as what is best for all – and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the only way I’m able to do what I want in this life – and in-fact bring forth something of substance, of worth and value – is through walking, and having my own business – there is simply no other way to do this as far as this particular point goes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto this automatic fear, and anxiety in relation to having my own business – thinking and believing that it’s too complicated for me, that it’s to big a thing, that I am not able to see all the small points, and details – and that I as such must remain within and as a state of fear, and avoidance – wherein I don’t really dive into the point because I want to keep myself at a safe distance – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe, and push through my fears – and realize that my fears are limiting me, and that I am in-fact creating that which I fear through fearing it; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop all types, and points of fear within me – and instead live and walk this business opportunity as being fearless – and without any form of doubt, or inferiority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow myself to become possessed with worry, and fear that something is going to go wrong with my business – and that I am going to fail; and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stick with mathematics – meaning that I stick with facts and not with what I feel, experience, or think that I am seeing; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work with and as reality – to not work with and as what is real and understand that fearing something without there being in-fact facts proving that my fears are valid – are simply delusional and it’s in-fact a state of self-sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that fear can’t exist when and as I stand by facts – and I see what is HERE – because fear is like this state of uncertainty as to what is going to happen, and how I will experience myself within that – but in allowing myself to see the facts – and remain here with the facts and the facts only – there won’t exist any such tension because I simply see what is here – and I act according to what is here as provable facts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I need something more than facts, that I need something more than me to stop myself from fearing having my own business – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that fear is not real – it’s a delusion – it’s a experience that I am able to stop through breathing myself back here and not giving any attention to the point of fear – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give fear value – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that fear is worthless – and that fear sucks the life out of me

Self-commitments

When and as I fear committing myself to walking a business solution, because I fear, and experience anxiety that something might go wrong, that I will loose control, and that it will be too hard for me; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how I am in this moment sabotaging myself from walking what is here as a business opportunity effectively – and that I am giving into experiences of the mind instead of remaining here with and as my human physical body – and walking what is physical – actual – here; as such I commit myself to remain and stay physical through being here – and simply walking without thinking

When and as I see myself as a little, hopeless, and helpless human being that is simply at the behest of this big bad world-system – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this idea is merely a point of justification, and excuse for me not to move, learn, and expand myself – because when I am inferior it’s apparently okay for me to not do anything and just remain in my comfort-zone; as such I commit myself to BREATH and to BE HERE with myself and push through my limitations – push through my inferiorities – and expand myself and in-fact get to know and be here with myself as a living force that is able to walk what is required to be walk without fear

When and as I start thinking about risks, uncertainty, and what might happen, and what might not in the future in relation to the business – and think that a employment is much more safe, and secure; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am not here in this world to feel safe, or to feel secure, or to live a comfortable life – I mean – I am here to in-fact live a life of substance, meaning, that have a impact, and a effect in this world as what is best for all; as such I commit myself to do what is required to do – to walk the points that must be walked – and to not fear failure, or poverty, or any other form of negative point in this world

When and as I see that I say to myself that “I am not a business person” – in order to justify why I limit myself, and go into fear in relation to having my own business – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this form of behavior is in-fact a lie – because the truth is that NOBODY is born anything – all points are programmed through repetition and as such I am able to program myself to be and stand as what is required to be done; as such I commit myself to stand up within and as myself – and do what is required to be done; to walk the points necessary to be walked – and to not postpone – to not fear – and to not think but instead walk within oneness and equality HERE with my human physical body

When and as I see that I am defining having my own business as dangerous, fearful, uncertain, and not desirable because it’s apparently unstable – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this fear is not real – because truth of the matter is that if I establish a business that is based upon my own stable consistency, and application – then this will be more stable and rewarding than a employment – simply because I will stand point and I will be the decision maker – and not somebody else above me; as such I commit myself to stop fearing having my own business and instead work with the facts – work with the actualities of having my own business

When and as I see that I fearing to really dive into the point of walking my own business, to really commit myself, and align myself with it – and close all backdoors – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that a house divided against itself can’t stand – meaning – that when I accept and allow any form of backdoor to exist within me – this will compromise my effectiveness, and my commitment in relation to the point; as such I commit myself to unify myself through directing myself within and as common sense – seeing that common sense is the unifying principle of myself wherein there is no need for feelings, or emotions – because I simply see and then I act

When and as I go into worry, and fear that I am going to fail with the business, and that something is going to go wrong – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in fearing something I am creating that something – thus – the most effective point is to STOP FEAR and to simply WALK – to walk the practicalities – to commit myself to the point and then simply walk and not accept and allow any form of hesitation or “wanting to get out” to exist within me – but to walk uncompromisingly without fear of what might happen, or what might not happen; as such I commit myself to walk this point uncompromisingly and fully – and throw myself out there – and go into this without any fears, or doubts

When and as I see that I am aligning myself with fears instead of facts – that I am looking at my world from a starting point of experience, instead of seeing what is here in-fact; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that fears are not representing reality – thus I will not be effective in directing myself in reality if I listen to and build my life around fears – as such I commit myself to bring myself back here and to walk without fear – without hesitation – and without doubt – and to do what is required to be done without any double-thinking

When and as I justify my fears, and insecurities through thinking that I am not big enough, I am not stable enough, and I am simply not yet ready to walk my own business – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is me holding myself back from in-fact living, and directing myself in this life without fear – and that I am capable it’s just that I don’t want to give up on a comfortable life where I can justify my apathy through fear – and through me not being strong enough; as such I commit myself to push through and to walk my life without accepting and allowing my decisions to be dictated by and through fear – but instead dictate my decisions by and through common sense as what is best for all

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Day 26: Test-anxiety – The Results Are Back! (Part 15)

test resultsContinuing with test anxiety. Today I got back some results on a paper that I’d written, and I reacted in anxiety, fear, and nervousness – and as I opened the document to look at my results my heart began to race, and I felt that the blood in my body was pumping around much faster – revealing that I was within that moment possessed in fear.

What I realized was that this fear experience didn’t happen in that moment – it’s an outflow of many moments, many thoughts, and my fantasies – that I’ve then accumulated in my mind – and then this dammed energy comes up in one moment as they are triggered by an event. Thus – what I am going to do here in this blog-post is to locate exactly what I’ve thought, and fantasized about in order bring about this particular fear.

Firstly – I see that I’ve for some days excitedly been awaiting the results, and I’ve acted this point out through going unto the web each day, and looking if the results had arrived – and this was actually one of my first thoughts as I wake up this day – to go and check my student-login and find out if the results had arrived – thus what I am able to see is that this particular pattern presents a hope, and a desire – which means that I desired a good result – and due to this I also created the polarity opposite of desire which is fear.

In looking at what desire that lies behind my reaction – I am able to see that it’s not really a desire for a better life, it’s not a desire for material possessions as in getting a good job later, due to having received very good grades in school – the desire is instead in relation to my name, my standing, and my idea of myself as who I am in this world – and I’ve defined myself to be a “intelligent person” – and thus my desire is to keep, and retain this idea of myself – and to be able to feel, and define myself as superior around other people because I’ve received “the best grade”.

Thus – I find it interesting – that the fear I experience is not even a fear that is in relation to MY LIFE so to speak – meaning – that the fear is really about what I’d like others to feel, and think about me – which is fucked up – as it implies that I am living, studying, and breathing to have others see me as I’d like them to see me – instead of me living my life for myself and not worrying about what others might, or might not think about me.

In a way – me getting a good grade on my studies is a way to suppress inferiority, and a state of social angst around people – because when I get a good grade I am able to take that point, define myself as it, and then feel slightly more comfortable with myself – because apparently this point of success make me become slightly more worthy than I was before.

Thus – the key points as living solutions is to live for myself – meaning – to make decisions without worrying what others are going to think about me – and to also – accept myself – and stop looking for others to accept, validate, and recognize myself – thus giving what I desire to myself and not anymore searching for it out there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being a intelligent, and intellectual human being, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take pride in, and feel superior to others – due to me feeling that I am more intellectual than others – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this definition, and idea of myself to survive in this world – to survive in social interactions – and to assert myself in fear that if I stand as myself – and simply breath – I will loose myself and not survive in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize an idea of myself – as me being effective, and good in school – in order to create a definition of myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling to this definition, and idea of myself – and to think that this definition is who I am – and that I must at any cost uphold this definition – because apparently – if I do not uphold this definition of myself – I will cease to exist – and I will not anymore be of any use in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that self-definitions are limited – and that self-definitions are based in fear – the fear of being limitless and without any form of self-created jail – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become comfortable, and take a liking to my self-created jail – as the definition of myself – that I am good in school, that I am intelligent, and that I am intellectual – thinking that this idea, and definition of myself protects in my world – and makes me safe – instead of accepting, and allowing myself to see – realize, and understand – that this definition isn’t real – but merely some memories that I’ve put together within myself – and used to designed a Frankenstein – a dead beingness put together with dead memories – thinking that this is who I am – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I am here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without confirming this idea of myself as being good in school, effective, and intellectual – that I will not anymore be able to live, and exist in this world – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself so completely that I believe that I need a thought – and a memory to exist – not realizing that I have the proof here in every breath that I don’t require a thought – and that I don’t require a memory to live, and to express myself – but that what I require is ME to be HERE with me and not lost in my mind and all crap that comes up in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with and as fear, and anxiety of loosing my idea of myself as being something special – which is really what it’s all about – that I want to be special, and that I use my education as a way to fuel this idea of myself, and definition of myself that I am special – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted, and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand – that desiring to be special – and thinking that I am special – is a jail that I’ve designed for myself – a trap – and a complete stop – wherein I am not anymore allowing myself to expand, and to move myself out from a state of fear – and into my flesh – and into real physical – breath by breath living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to let go of my self-definition of myself as having a special purpose in this life – and of the definition of myself as being a winner – and as being something more than average – because I see that this very definition of me is limitation – and even though it feels good to think that I am special, and a winner – what hides behind everything is fear – is the fear of being looked at by others as useless, and worthless – and as less than – and thus the search for specialness – reveals to me that I’ve not yet accepted myself – and decided to love myself regardless of where I am in this world – or who I am in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understanding that searching to be special – and searching to be a winner is in-fact self-hatred – and self-bullying – wherein I am implying that I am not good enough before I’ve managed to show to myself that I am a winner – and that I deserve my love – and that I deserve my acceptance of myself – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to say – enough is enough – now I will stop this inner rat race and finally accept myself – and allow myself to loose – because the beauty of loosing is that I can then focus upon being with myself – and letting myself live – because that is the problem with trying to win – that in doing that I’m missing out on life and living

When and as I see that I am defining myself as being special, and as a winner – and I seek to uphold, and assert this idea of myself through getting good grades in school – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I don’t need to feel special, and that I don’t need to think that I am a winner – and I don’t need a definition of myself what-so-ever in order to be here – and love me – and accept me; as such I commit myself to let go of the hunt for specialness – and to let go of my definition of myself as being more than average – and instead allow myself to love myself – and accept myself – and enjoy living instead of searching for the win

When and as I see that I am going into a state of hastiness – as trying to “get there” because over “there” I’ll apparently be able to assert my definition of myself as being the best – and being special – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath – and I bring myself back here – and I commit myself to BE HERE – with myself – and live here – to stop trying to get there – as I see that there is the biggest lie, and illusion that have ever been promulgated in this world – as it implies that I can only be fulfilled and whole in the future – when the only point that is real and actual is HERE as this moment in this very breath

When and as I see that I am going into a state of survival – as using memories within me to substantiate an idea of myself that I am special, unique, and a winner – intellectual, and intelligent – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – memories are not alive – memories do not show me who I am – memories are in-fact lies of the past imposing themselves to be me – while the fact of the situation is that I am HERE – and that I am not a memory – but that I am a living being able to make decisions and move myself by common sense here – and as such not in need of a memory-character to tell me who I am; as such I commit myself to live without a character – and without memories – and without a definition of myself – and push myself to stand bare as breath – as a new born baby in every moment of breath HERE

PossessionDemonic possession, psychokinetic control of a person by the Devil or other malevolent spirit

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Why is Law so Complicated?

Why is law so complicated? Why is law so hard to understand? Why is law so vast, so enormous, so extreme, and why do we as individuals have no direct say in what type of laws are legislated?

These are questions I’ve asked myself studying law at university. It’s a vast subject, enormous – so big that it’s impossible for one man to know all the laws that exists. Not even a lifetime spent reading laws would enable one to have a complete view of the judicial system. And that is quite fucked up, considering that laws are what make up our day to day interactions, laws are what make all things in society do as they do, or run as they run, from the big and the small – and most of us have no clue as to what regulations lie behind it all.

Isn’t that fucked up? That we as individuals are robbed of our ability to be self-independent,  to take informed and effective decisions – where we know what legal implications our actions have, what rights we have, and what obligations we have. If you don’t know the law system and the police arrests you – do you know that torture is forbidden? Do you know upon what legal grounds the policeman acts when he arrests you? Most of us don’t and we’ve never been supported or assisted to learn these things either, even though they are so crucially important, as laws define our societal structure and our day-to-day living.

Can we actually say that we are living in a democracy if not all people are given the same education, the same knowledge of the rules that govern our lives? No we can’t, because such a differentiation in skill and knowledge in-between people opens up the possibility for abuse and for manipulation.

An example would be a friend that I have as to a situation that he experienced. He was having a job of some kind and apparently he had the right to receive an extra payment of 5000 dollars, so his lawyer friend told him. So, he went to his job and asked to receive the money. He was denied and told that he didn’t have a right to have the money.

He then went back to his lawyer friend and told him what had happened. The lawyer said, ask to speak with the boss if they don’t give you the money. So, he went back to his job, asked again and was denied again – yet this time he said he wanted to speak with the boss. Upon uttering the words he was written a check of 5000 dollars.

I mean, what would this guy have done without his lawyer friend? How could he possibly have known about his rights? See, our system is so complex, vast, intricately designed that you don’t know your rights. You have no clue when a state official do something illegal, when your boss does something illegal, when you have the right to appeal and not – even though these things are very important to know! That is unacceptable – that there is such a gap between people, where the poor and uneducated becomes victims at the behest of those who know the rules of the game.

In an equal money system everyone would know the law. Everyone would know their rights and their obligations. There would be few laws, they would be clearly and understandably written – not accepting and allowing anyone to go unknowingly of the laws that dictate his or hers day-to-day living. And everyone would be able to point at these laws, without a lawyer, without the permission of anyone and state – look! These laws do not support what is best for all – I want it to be removed! And then it would also be removed.

That is real democracy. When everyone is equal in skill, understanding and have the same access to the information that governs one’s daily life. This is only possible in an equal money system. Where class, and higher education would not anymore differentiate people, as all would have access to the same opportunities and hold the same rights.

Laughing and Letting Go

So, yesterday I went to buy a protection thing to my grass trimmer. As I entered into the store, firstly, I felt quite uncomfortable when the man mentioned my presence as,  ‘the one with the book’ – and asked my ‘why I read so much?’. Though, I was close to compromise myself and in this moment go into a possession of attempting to be acceptable to another – I breathed and I let go of that tenseness that became overwhelming in that moment.

In the next moment I was discussing with the man about the protective gear – it turned out that I already had cool gear at home. I asked him to assist me in confirming this through showing me the gear he had, so I could compare it to the one I had. I did this and I found out that – indeed – I had cool gear at home. When this was revealed I began to laugh, and the man said, ‘You’ve come here twice and gone home with nothing at all’. It was in this moment that I became intensely uncomfortable, as I laughed. I walked past a man as I laughed and was gripped with a fear and a nervousness – I experienced a doubt as to if I should look at him or not – as I walked past I turned my head down towards the ground and slouched my neck – I saw this as a point of hiding myself, and a point of inferiority.

So the question is – what was it that really happened? Why did I experience these things? I mean, maybe why is a unnecessary question – I did experience these things – as a physical uncomfortable experience of myself. It was all based in fear, that I am certain of – so instead of attempting to figure out – the best thing that I can do is to deal with it through self-forgiveness.

1.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I am laughing

2.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of letting go and laugh close to people

3.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be up-tight around people and fear letting go – fear accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself

4.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having fun and being one and equal here in a moment – physically close to another

5.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being abused if I laugh, to fear being attacked if I laugh, to fear that I am going to become hurt when I laugh

6.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will become jealous at me when they see I appreciate and enjoy myself – in fear that they will abuse me and attack me

7.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loving myself and showing to others that I love myself – in fear that they will become jealous and angry and attack me

8.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting others

9.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others think that I am weak and not good enough – to think that others consider me as strange and stupid

10. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others consider me as inferior to them

11. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting and allowing myself to let go and be here – to fear that if I accept and allow myself to let go and be here – that other’s will use this to their advantage and find points of weakness in me and attack me

12. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being up-tight, to fear not being ready and prepared at all times to be abused, so that I can protect myself through always having control as to the picture I present to the world

13. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not always having control of how I present myself to the world

14. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear laughing in fear that I won’t be able to control how I am seen by others – how others feel when they hear me laugh and when they see me laugh

15. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of control – to fear letting go of up-tightness and always trying to make sure that I am in control and know what is going to be happen in the next moment

16. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be in control – to make sure that I know how others are going to act towards me – what others are going to say towards me – what others are going to think towards me and feel towards me – instead of accepting and allowing myself to let go and share myself unconditionally in this moment

17. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing myself – in fear that nobody will like me

18. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear opening myself up to another – in fear that they won’t like me

19. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being open and vulnerable to another – in fear that they are going to abuse me – and that they are not going to like me

20. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that another is going to find me to be stupid

21. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that another is going to see me as being feminine and weak when I share myself unconditionally – when I am vulnerable and open here

22. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being open and vulnerable – to fear accepting and allowing myself to enjoy the people in my reality – to appreciate the people in my reality – and express myself here as breath as equal and one

23. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being innocent

24. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of fear – to fear letting go of attempting to protect myself from my world – in the belief that my world can abuse and harm me

25. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my world can harm me – can abuse me – can destroy me – when I share myself here as breath – as openness – as vulnerability – as innocence

26. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being real – to fear caring about myself and another as myself – to fear being intimate with another

27. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being close to another – to fear being intimate and real with another – to fear showing myself without any masks – without any role – and without protecting myself

28. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to become abused when I show myself without any masks – without any protection – without any attempt to be anything more or less than me here as breath

29. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not looking male

30. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that males will think that I am gay – or weak – or stupid – when I share myself as vulnerability – as innocence – as here as breath

31. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go in fear that I will loose myself

32. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting and allowing myself to trust myself – in fear that I will loose myself

33. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting and allowing myself to see another – to stand equal with another in this moment – to stand without any separation with myself – equal as here as breath in a moment shared with another

34. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear laughing for real

35. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear showing who I am towards another – to fear showing the real me – and not hide behind a show

36. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting to know another – to fear being real towards another and opening myself up – sharing myself unconditionally – without any walls with another

37. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself and isolate myself petrified of being abused

38. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified towards being abused

39. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified towards being harmed or attacked by another

40. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and become petrifaction

I am here

I accept and allow myself to live vulnerability, openness, sharing, and innocence

I share myself here as breathe with no walls – with no role – with no masks – I am here open – vulnerable – clear

I accept and allow myself to live with no fear

I do not accept and allow myself to separate myself from this moment – from others – in fear of being abused or harmed –as I realize I can’t be abused or harmed – as such I share myself here as equality – I accept and allow myself to be intimate with others

I am self-intimacy

I accept and allow myself to experience and live intimacy with others and myself as myself

I let go and accept and allow myself to trust myself in the moment – stop worrying – stop fearing – and instead breathe and trust myself here