Tag Archives: information

Day 265: Knowing and Not Knowing

i-knowIn conversations with others, these following words are quite common: ‘I know’ and ‘I don’t know’ – and usually they will arise within self as a reaction. With this I mean that the statement will not be an actual, factual, and objective statement that we make in a moment, instead our words will come from within and as an energetic movement in our solar plexus.

Let us begin with the statement ‘I don’t know’ – now for me – this many times comes up almost automatically, immediately. If someone asks me a question that I cannot answer, without for a moment, stopping up, and looking at it within me, then I will say ‘I don’t know’. Though the truth here is not that ‘I don’t know’ – what I am really saying is more: ‘I do not want to/feel like looking more deeply at this point’ – and then I use the get out of jail free card: ‘I don’t know’. Hence, the statement ‘I don’t know’ is actually something that I use as a excuse, to not stop up, and look deeper at a point – to not for a moment introspect and be truly inquisitive and investigate the why/how of something.

A way to correct this relationship with ‘I don’t know’ is to instead, as we want to speak these words, stop for a moment, and really allow the question asked to sink in, and see whether we are in-fact able to find the answer. If we after that process of self-investigation say ‘I don’t know’ – it will be the genuine truth of ourselves. Though if we do not push ourselves to walk that process of self-investigation, then our words ‘I don’t know’ will be as false idol – and not the actual representation of ourselves in a moment.

When it comes to the words ‘I know’ – there is an interesting difference. Often we speak these words when we feel that we already know what is being shared with us. Then even though the other person has only but begun talking, we interfere and exclaim that ‘I know’! Here as well it is a matter of speaking words that are not a real representation of who we are in a moment – because is it true that we know? Well, we might feel like we know, yet how can we possibly see what another will share/speak before they have been given the time to finish what they started?

Hence, the words ‘I know’ is actually a form of resistance, and when I speak these words, it is because I feel distressed and bored with having to hear something that I feel/experience I have already heard and established within myself – not understanding that there might be something new to be learned/realized – that I am now missing out on because I exist within and as this state of resistance/fear.

Thus, to redefine ‘I know’ into something supportive, what we can do is to, as someone is speaking/sharing something that we feel familiar with, give ourselves the time to really listen, and the person the time to really share themselves and their point until they are finished. And then when we have listened to the entire story, we can with clarity establish within ourselves, whether, or whether not we already know this. We might not even feel the need to share with the person that we ‘already know’ – we can simply conclude within that this information is already firmly established within self and thus nothing that I require to hold unto.

What is common ground with these two SOLUTIONS is the fact that they involve taking a moment to stop, to breathe and release the need to haste, and stress to the next moment – to instead be HERE and look more deeply – penetrate what is apparent and reveal that which is under the surface. It is fascinating how such a small moment of change/alteration can have a big impact within ourselves/lives – though really – what is life but these small moments of change/direction – that is what constitutes who we are – and through changing these small building blocks of life – we are actually changing ourselves/our world/this world system.

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Day 229: Working with reactions towards a person

post-to-your-facebook-pageI have one person in my life that regularly functions as a trigger point for me with regards to evoking reactions. Here in this blog I’m going to investigate this pattern more closely.

I will do this through firstly investigating what is triggering the pattern. Then I will look at what thought, backchat, emotion and physical lived action emerge when this pattern is triggered. Lastly I will do self-forgiveness and place a self-commitment statement to direct the pattern.

Trigger points

When this person says something that sounds absolute, authoritative, no-more-discussion

When this person use words that I perceive to be advanced, unusual, complicated

When others become impressed with what this person is saying and wish to talk more with him

When this person says something, explains something, that I perceive to be very deep, and advanced

Thought, Backchat, Emotion, Physical lived action

The thought that is triggered by this person is: A picture of me standing alone in a big room, being observed by a lot of people.

The backchat that is triggered is: “He think he’s better than me”, “He’s faking it”, “How come he knows more than me?”, “Why don’t I know this?”, “Why doesn’t anyone listens to me like they do to him?”

The emotion being triggered is: Inferiority, Jealousy, and Competition

Physical lived action: I will shift slightly forward in my body. My neck will angle itself forward, and my shoulders will slouch, and my upper back will slouch. I will sink down into the chair – like the air has gone out of me. I will breath faster, and my calf’s tense up.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being defined by another as worthless, and inferior, when X is expressing himself, thinking that he’s so much better than me, so much more effective, and that the words he use signify a much more effective intelligence than that of my own – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is all occurring in my mind – and that there is not actual inferiority between me and another on a physical plane – this is something I create through comparison

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with X and perceive myself as being inferior and less capable than X – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, and define myself as being incapable of expressing myself as clearly, and effectively as X, and use a wide variety of words and idioms – and perceive that X has a higher IQ than me – and that as such I am useless and worthless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a competition character when and as I hear X speakingthinking that he tries to show off, he tries to steal the show, and prove that he’s better than what I’m – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to in that moment counterattack and get back at him, thinking that I have to defend my position and as well prove that I’m intelligent, and apt, able to say things that sounds smart, and cogent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be like X – to be in the limelight and be seen by others as intelligent, as wise, as clear and unequivocal in my expression – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to gain fame and fortune, believing that this is going to add to my self-value and self-worth – not seeing, realizing and understanding how the opposite is in-fact true – and that through looking at X and trying to steal the show from X – I’m suppressing myself and my natural expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my natural beingness expression through wanting to become like, and express myself the same as X – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself, and the way I share, and express myself, and see, realize and understand that each and everyone have a different way of approaching self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with X – instead of accepting and allowing myself to learn from X – to utilize the process of healthy comparison – wherein I unconditionally accept and allow myself to see the strengths of X on a beingness level that allows him to express myself effectively and clearly – and so that I can take on these points and make them my own – and express myself as these words that I see X is living effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that instead of competing with X and comparing myself with X – I can instead learn from X – and expand myself, my skill base, and application, through learning from X – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the words X is conveying as himself is self-trust, self-confidence and assertiveness – he’s accepting and allowing himself to trust his expression, his words, his stance, and what he’s seeing – which then flows out into his word that take on the resonance of being absolute and authoritative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to live assertiveness and self-confidence, because I will still accept and allow myself to want to be agreeable, nice, and friendly, and have many friendships, instead of me having the courage to walk and stand with my self-honesty in every moment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that instead of constantly reacting towards X – I can instead use each moment with him to observe his expression, and what he’s doing, how he uses words, how he uses his body language, and his voice, to convey himself as this point of self-confidence and assertiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I decide upon the purpose as to why X is in my world at this moment – that I can either see X presence in my life as a nuisance, as a source of discontent because I’m reacting towards him – or I can see X as a teacher, and as someone that I can learn from – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the gift of seeing the potential in my reactions and emotional experiences – to see, realize and understand that each and every point of problem, and difficulty holds within it a gift – something that I can take with me and learn from

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I’m reacting towards X, when he’s speaking, or expressing himself, and I go into a resistance, and a competition, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that X is in-fact representing to me words I’ve not yet lived and made my own – and thus instead of competing and resisting X – it’s much more effective for me to accept and allow myself to be humble, and learn from X – to realize that X do have certain things down that I still haven’t – and that because of this there are things that I can learn from X to expand myself; thus I commit myself to be humble and learn from X – to see what words, expressions, and stance of presence that I can take with me and apply in my own life

I commit myself to embrace X – and instead of believing that I’m involved in some form of mortal combat with X, where I must compete with him, and prove to myself and others that I can do what X is doing, to instead look at X unconditionally, see X unconditionally, and learn from X unconditionally – to realize that I have nothing to lose, and that this idea of losing is but that – an idea and not a actual reality

I commit myself to humble myself and realize that X is more effective than me with regards to living words such as self-confidence and assertiveness – though this isn’t a problem – this isn’t wrong – rather I can utilize the example of X to stabilize myself within my life and live these words – to practice implementing this expression in my own life instead of resisting and fighting it

Day 136: Investigate Everything

Today I was researching some information on the web and there were some statements which validity I doubted. Though, the problem was that I couldn’t really assess whether the information was valid or not, or at least this is what I thought.

So, as I was reading this information, and within me starting the process of assessing and discerning it, I went into a state of conflict and fear – and the origin of the fear was the fear of making a mistake, of assessing the information wrongly, and fear of not knowing, and not having a sufficiently deep, and intricate comprehension of the point, and that I would as such make an assessment that was wrong.

On top of this, I also see that the conflict the emerged within me also had a morality attached to it – because the nature of my assessment of the information was within the context of ‘is this right, or is this wrong?’ – and thus within that I separated myself from the information, and instead of seeing the information, and the words, as a part of myself, I saw it as an intruder, that I must be very careful with, because if I accept it into me, and if I accept and allow myself to consider it unconditionally, then it might infest me, and then I might end up on the side of those being ‘wrong’.

Thus, within this I can see the fascinating pattern of black and white, right and wrong, correct or incorrect – my tendency of wanting to simplify what’s going on in this world, and the information that is available, to whether it’s right, or wrong – instead of accepting and allowing myself to realize that with many, many points in this world, there is no such simple conclusion to make as to whether it’s right, or wrong, because it can be multifaceted and multidimensional, and even though I might at first glance term the point ‘wrong’ – at a nearer investigation it might actually contain useful, effective, and supportive points that I can use and apply in my life.

This all then comes back to the statement of ‘Investigate everything and keep that which is good’ – or rather ‘keep that which is practical and makes sense’ – and I see how this statement can be lived and applied in all areas of my life; because regardless of what point I participate within – there is always something about that point within which I am able to expand, learn, and develop myself; such as for example the school subject jurisprudence – that I at first found seriously boring – though embracing and immersing myself in this subject is actually a opportunity for me to develop self-discipline, and the strength to walk through challenges, and situations in which I am not motivated by an energy of feeling intrigued or fascinated, and wherein I as such have to motivate and move myself by and through making a decision, and living that decision.

Thus, the lesson to be learned is that, nothing and no one in this world should be judged and brushed of as ‘not relevant’ – because really – that is making oneself miss out on opportunities of self-expansion and learning – rather everything should be investigated, and understood – so what is useful and practical can be siphoned and put into practice.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear, and anxiety when I am assessing and discerning information that comes into my world, in fearing that I will make a wrong assessment, and in fearing that the information is not correct, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, and resist considering information unconditionally and without any form of inner protection mechanism, but that I instead take the information in, and look at it unconditionally, and from there decide upon whether it’s useful for me, useful in the process of what is best for all, or whether it’s not relevant at this stage, and not needed in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and information, and fight information, within and as the fear of becoming possessed with the information, and within and as the fear of becoming manipulated, deceived, or loosing my ground, and standing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approaching information unconditionally, to fear immersing myself in information, and investigating information without any judgment, or preconceived notion – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, that I will not loose myself in the information when and as I accept and allow it into me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can’t be harmed by accepting and allowing myself to unconditionally consider, assess, and discern information, and take information into me, and look at it without any form of judgment, idea, or definition, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach all points in my world within and as the same state of being, as accepting and allowing myself to investigate unconditionally, to explore it unconditionally, to research it unconditionally, to question it, and challenge it unconditionally, and as such not accept and allow myself to make any presuppositions about the point even though I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to walk through it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to presuppositions, and presumptions, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approaching a point, and immersing myself in a point, without having some form of judgment, or energy within me, through which I can define my relationship to the particular point that I am facing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how really, there is nothing to fear, and that the worst that can happen is that take on information that isn’t effective, yet obviously, this will be something that I notice as I apply the information for myself, and at that point I can simply make the necessary alignments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am able to use all aspects, and dimensions of my world to explore, empower, and expand myself, and that in all and every activity, challenge, and event, there is something for me to apply, and something for me to realize – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that for example, in regards to studying subjects that I find tedious, boring, and meaningless, that here I can practice living the words of self-motivation, determination, and within that practicing pushing myself to study and learn the subject effectively and specifically, even though I am not fueled by any form of energy to do so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I judge a point that comes into my world, and immediately reject it without any investigation, or research, then this indicates that I am using my mind in order to avoid having to face, and develop, and correct a particular part of myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to realize that it’s not my world that is at fault when I experience resistance, or discontent, but that it’s rather myself, and that it’s as such my own starting point, and my own relationship to the point that I must investigate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach information, events, situations, and challenges from a starting point of right or wrong, wherein I want to discern the point as either being correct, and incorrect, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach points in my world from a more expansive perspective, and realize that it’s impossible to force points into the small boxes of right or wrong, as all points contain several different dimensions, and as such it’s important to not make any hasty conclusions, but rather accept and allow myself to explore the points here within as the stability of breath; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to apply this practically in my world – through when I am faced with a situation, challenge, or moment – to in that accept and allow myself to approach without a judgment, and without any ideas, or experiences, but be clear within myself, and accept and allow myself to take part of, discern, and assess the actual physical reality of the point

Self-commitments

I commit myself to approach points in my world without judgments, without emotions, without feelings, and without any preconceived notion, and I instead commit myself to see, investigate, research, and assess the actual physicality of the point – such as for example with food; to not react instinctively in saying that the food is disgusting because I’ve memories of such food – but rather eat the food, and see how my body reacts, and then make a aware decision of whether this food is supportive for my physical or not

I commit myself to stop approaching new information from a starting point of fear, and I instead commit myself to approach new information, situations, and events unconditionally, and assess, discern, and evaluate the information without any preformed experiences – so that I am as such able to look at all points and research everything and take that which is good

I commit myself to be open and accessible to new perspectives, new information, and new ways of seeing and dealing with things, and as such I commit myself to be flexible, and not lock myself into and as a limited idea of ‘this is how I see things’ or ‘this is how I do things’ – and as such I commit myself to not fear the unknown and the new – but rather embrace change and stand with the principle of investigate everything and keep that which is good

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Day 133: Annoyance = Lack of Understanding

Today I reacted in irritation to a statement that was done by another – and the statement was something like this: ‘My only concern is the well-being of others’. When the statement spoken I had a judgment come up within me; I felt that this person wasn’t taking all points into consideration, and that they were being childish, and immature for only considering this one single point in their decision-making – while I am of the opinion that one should consider all points and not only the well-being of others.

If I bring this back to myself, and ask myself, why did I react to this particular statement? I see that it’s because of blame, and me perceiving myself to be effected by this person’s way of viewing things, wherein in essence, I want that person to have the same considerations and values as me.

I can also see that there is within this reaction a tinge of powerlessness, as well as arrogance. I see myself as powerless, because apparently the other persons statement controls me, and there is nothing I that I am able to do in order to direct my life according to my values, and considerations – and I see that I am arrogant because I consider their considerations and way of seeing things as being less than mine – while in reality – their concern do contain a valid point – it’s common sense that one should consider how decisions affect everyone – and a decision shouldn’t be made only from within and as what it is that oneself wants, desires, and feel is important.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the statement of another ‘My only concern is the well-being of others’ as being childish, immature, and stupid, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, and frustrated in thinking that this statement is controlling me, and that this person should have a wider array of considerations when making a decision and not only concern for others, but also concern for self, concern for money, concern for future outflows – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient, and angry, because this other person doesn’t have the same understanding as I have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed when and as I perceive that another person doesn’t have the same understanding, the same principles, and the same guidelines for living as I do, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want them to immediately change, and align themselves with my understanding, and my perspective, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to without hesitation, or consideration, disregard their particular way of viewing things, and sticking to my way of seeing – without asking myself whether this person in-fact have a valid point in what they are saying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, annoyed, irritated and frustrated when and as I perceive that another is making decisions upon the basis of reactions, and experiences of worry, anxiety, and guilt, and wanting to protect and defend others, even if that compromise one’s own life – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed because I can’t understand how it is that another is going about making decisions, and considering points, and looking at points, and I feel that I am powerless to do anything about changing the situation, because I do not understand how the situation have developed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed when and as another makes a statement that they make decisions only on the basis of caring for the well-being of others, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge such a decision, and the person making that decision as being stupid, thinking that they should be considering so much more, and not only whether, or whether not others are taken care of, and have their life to be as good as they want it to be, because from my perspective, I think that sometimes such well-being of others must be compromised, in order to assure access to other points that are simply more relevant to life and living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this other person have a different history, and have lived a different life to me, and that they have been raised differently, and that they have as such a completely different outlook on life than what I have, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not research, and to not investigate this other person, and understand why they are making such a statement, where they are coming from, and then within this looking at a solution to direct the point that will be effective for both me and this other person, so that all points can be taken into consideration

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will go into and as annoyance towards another, when and as I do not understand this other person – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself to time, and patience, to look at the entire context, to look at this other person, to look at their statement, to ask myself – where does it come from? Is it practical, and can it be realized? Will it be an inconvenience in my life, or will it be simple to realize, and fulfill such a statement? Can I somehow direct the point? And as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the short-cut into annoyance, instead of walking a process of getting to know and understand how it is that another person operates, and how it is that another person makes decision, and moves themselves in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed, when and as I perceive that another person is sacrificing themselves in order to make others happy, and that they can’t see how they are compromising themselves, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another, instead of accepting and allowing myself to take the time to understand another, and see where they are coming from, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one to the various programs, and patterns that exists within and as human beings in this world, and in this accept and allow myself to investigate, to research, to get to know, to explore, and discover, and understand the programming’s of others, and as such not anymore accept and allow myself to react in anger, and frustration, but rather direct myself to understand, and then apply myself to communicate and practically direct the particular into a solution that is best for all parties involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not speak, and communicate with this particular person about this statement, and about this way of considering, and looking at points, to as such support myself to understand this other person, as well as ask this person why he, or she isn’t expanding their views, and the scope and ambit of their considerations, and plans for the future, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the short-cut of reacting, and becoming impatient, instead of accepting and allowing myself to walk a physical process of discovery and expansion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted that my way of looking at things, my way of understanding things, my way of considering things, my way of comprehending things, that is the correct way, and within that think that other considerations but these are invalid and must be wrong, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically and reflexively judge, push away, and remove any such form of difference from my own comfort-zone – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be open and vulnerable to new information, new considerations, new perspectives, and as such accept and allow myself to be flexible – and consider all new points that opens up in my world unconditionally – and not with a knee-jerk movement – immediately judging them as invalid

Self-commitments

When and as I see, realize and understand that I am becoming annoyed with another, because I perceive that they are not taking into account points that are obvious to me, when making a decision, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am becoming annoyed because I don’t have sufficient with information about the point, and that I do not understand this other person, their motives and rationale, and as such I commit myself to be patient – take a breath – and allow myself to understand this other person – to look at why and how it is that they are saying as they are saying – and to even ask them – why is it that they consider the point as they do – and ask them why it is that they don’t consider the points that I consider – to as such clarify – and not accept and allow myself to react

When and as I see that I am reacting to a statement from another, wherein they say that they only consider the well-being of others, and I in that feel that they are limiting themselves, and making their decision making process inferior to what it could be, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am reacting in annoyance, because I am not clear on what is going on, I lack information, I lack insight, and I lack directly seeing how and what another is saying, and where it is coming from, and as such I commit myself to expand my view of the world, and my understanding of others, to be open to new information, new perspectives, and new insights, and to look at all points, and not shun, or fight anything just because I do not immediately understand it; and as such I commit myself to take a breath – bring myself back here – and look at the point without any preconceived notions of what is right and wrong – and as such ask myself unconditionally – what is the most effective way of looking at this point, and dealing with this point?

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Day 128: Vocabulary and Mind-Control

Vocabulary, words, and reading – why are these life skills so important to all human beings, and why are they in-fact a necessity for world change to take place?

mind-control2In order to understand this point I will share an example from my own life, in relation to making a decision in regards to career and employment. So, as I’ve shared earlier in this blog, I will soon be leaving the secure zone of the university and head out in the big world, in order to find myself a job and make a living for myself. I realized that I had to make some form of decision – at least preliminary – as to what I direction I should go into, because due to the nature of my degree, there are many possibilities, and a variety of jobs to choose between.

During the first years of my education, I came face to face with extensive marketing campaigns of some few select employers – and these showed a possible future of money, success, and self-satisfaction. Unfortunately these employers were the only one’s marketing themselves, and thus to me it seemed as if the life they presented, was the only one available to me, the only career that held some promises – while seemingly there was no other valid options out there. Thus, in facing the decision of where I am to go in life after my education, I experienced much conflict and anxiety, as I felt that I must really push and will myself to get into one of these firms, to get that career, and the life promised by them.

Then, I started to question exactly why it was that I desired to go into this direction, and whether it was in-fact a suitable point for me to take on – was this everything that there was? As such, I asked myself, what it is that I would like to do with my life, where it is that I’d like to place myself, what it is that I am good at, what I am not good at, and how I would like my life to be in a couple of years; and at the same time I started to investigate and expand my horizons as to the various possibilities that my degree offers.

Here is where it starts to get interesting, and it’s here that the importance of vocabulary comes into play – because what I did was that I started to actively investigate, read, find sources, and expand myself, and this expansion was in the form of vocabulary – because when I read – when I investigated – I acquired new vocabulary, and in that came insights, as well as a sense of clarity – and I started to see exactly what the various professions entailed in terms of workload, expectations, requirements, investments, and so forth – and in this it became much easier for me to answer the question: Would this be something for me? Is this what I want for my life? Does this align with what I see for myself in the coming years?

So, in essence, my ability to read, and due to me having quite an expansive and effective vocabulary, allowed me to expand my horizons, and see things that existed beyond my social networks – because fact is that: My social networks and the vocabulary, and information moving in these, are often limited, and one-sided – and when acquiring one’s entire understanding of the world upon the basis of these networks, one’s understanding and comprehension of the world often get’s compromised, which leads to ineffective decisions, and in consequence, a lifestyle that is not in alignment with Who you are, and What you want out of your life.

This is why vocabulary is important on so many levels. For me, an expansive vocabulary allowed me to see new aspects, dimensions and viewpoints, it allowed me to effectively expand my understanding of myself, and my world – and it allowed me to take responsibility for myself and my direction in life. But due to the ineffective educational system we have in this world an extensive amount of human beings are not effective readers, and they are consequently not able to expand themselves, and their understanding of this world – as they do not have access to effective information skills – which is a skill equal to vocabulary and comprehension skills. And this is the reason as to why so many people are unable to see, and understand that there are problems in this world, and why they are unable to question the system as it currently functions – they simply do not have the vocabulary to comprehend what is going on.

This is for example why many tend to slavishly believe the six-o´clock news, when the reporter shares that “we are going to war for our freedom” – or that it’s “communistic to implement a basic income for all” – they do not have the vocabulary to fathom how the system operates – that for example – there is such a thing as propaganda and public relations – and that most media stations are owned by a select few elite, and that most of the electorates in our government are bought with corporate money – they do not have the expansive vocabulary to question what is before their eyes – and instead they simply trust the information available in their limited social network, which is almost at all times effectively in the hands of public relations and other propaganda tactics.

Thus, acquiring effective vocabulary and information skills is vital for us as humanity to be able to get ourselves out of this mess – because when we are able to assess words and information effectively, without reactions, seeing the words clearly, seeing their intentions, their purpose, seeing the information in the context in which it is shared, by which people, and why these people are utilizing a specific set of words, and coloring their perspectives with various one-sided opinions – then we’re able to take self-responsibility and make informed decisions – then we’re able to stand up and question everything and everyone – and see whether or whether not the patterns that are currently existent lead to a world that is best for all or whether a change is required in the accept patterns.

Unfortunately, our education have been deliberately set up to dumb us down, because the elite know, that a human-being with a ineffective vocabulary, and a ineffective information assessment skills, will be easily controlled and manipulated – and that fits them perfectly – because they want obedient workers, and obedient consumers – so that they can make more money and live a life of leisure and power.

For us that do see this problem, we have a massive responsibility, because before us lies the challenge of educating the rest of humanity, and opening up their eyes to what is going on – we have the responsibility to re-educate humanity – and in this it’s paramount that we give attention to how the schooling system currently functions, and how vocabulary is being disregarded, and how the youngsters are being programmed into stupidity instead of being self-directed living human-beings.

Though, our first responsibility is towards ourselves – we require re-educating ourselves and make sure that we’re not manipulated or lost in some form of deliberate mind-control – and Desteni offers a free course (see here: DIP Lite) that will assist and support us to walk this process.

Change starts with ourselves, and this is not a platitude – it’s simple common sense – yet we must live this information, make it practical, physical, in order for it to have value – thus – let’s begin – and let’s change.

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Day 47: Dealing with Headache

man-headacheToday I got a headache – not a severe one – but it hurts enough to bother me; so I am going to look at why this headache came up – because for you that aren’t familiar with the Desteni material: the reason for headaches is participation the mind, and it’s usually due to participation in thoughts, and backchat that have repeated during the week – so one have to look back during the week to see what thoughts have mulled around in the head.

Now, I am quite clear about what caused this head-ache because it came up in an instant, and very specifically in relation to a thought that came up in that moment – and this point is in relation to success, and wanting to develop self – the paranoia of self-development. And now – this is not a supportive self-development that I am talking about – it’s an obsession with self-development that I’ve undertaken because I want to feel smart, and appear knowledgeable – which is interestingly enough more a point of devolution rather than evolution.

So – before the head-ache began I was occupying myself with studying, and reading up on some subjects that I’ve decided to get to know better; obviously – this is a cool point because the knowledge is practical, and will assist me in my daily living – though – what I’ve done that is not effective, and practical – is that I’ve created a ego-point around this self-education point.

I will as such when I learn new stuff go into a state of excitement, and indulge in grandiose pictures of myself in my mind – and I will feel energetically high – like I am riding the waves – empowering myself, and becoming better; feeling like I am able to take on the world. So – this is the ego-part of learning new things, which is also obstructing me from in-fact learning new things – because I tend to want to learn “more” and go “faster” – and be more time-efficient, which results in me not giving the point that I am walking appropriate time, and attention – and then I won’t actually understand what I am learning – so I am becoming negligent to the process of actually learning – because: I want to reach the end, and get results, and get over there! I mean – it’s interesting – I mentioned this point in my blog yesterday as well – this point of wanting to reach for the stars, but not wanting to go through the actual process of building that rocket-ship, and organizing the entire trip – to then after having walked the necessary labor actually go out and travel to the stars – it’s this McDonalds type behavior – that I want things fast, and I want them now!

Thus – I will be careless with my education process, because I want to become more educated, and I want to feel smart, and intelligent – and be better than others – so the point in essence stems from a inferiority, which I am trying to escape through competition – wherein I am using knowledge as a way to boost my ego and feel less inferior; while obviously – this is not a solution because it will not remove my experience of inferiority – it will only increase my inferiority, because I will further polarize the point into a positive, and negative state – instead of immediately correcting the point of inferiority, and within this allow myself to be satisfied with myself.

I mean – because this is also a huge part as to why I go into this striving-character of as fast as possible “trying to get there” – it’s because I don’t allow myself to be satisfied with myself; I mean – sure – it’s also important not to be over-satisfied with self, which in essence is a form of slothfulness, and indolence – where I am “satisfied with myself even though I don’t do anything; that point isn’t valid either. Though the opposite point of all the time striving, stressing, pressing, forcing – this is not valid either – and obviously – the reason for both these points being invalid is that they are based on a state of energy – and a state of energy is always more, or less than pure physical self-expression here – while pure physical self-expression on the other hand is in complete equilibrium with this moment here – wherein there is a natural, slow, consistent, and determined development process that occurs – wherein I am moving, and directing myself – yet doing this breath-by-breath – like a snail that slowly but with certainty moves, and walks a certain path – until the destination is reached – and even though it looks like it’s going slow – it doesn’t matter – because the snail will eventually reach his goal.

So, what I am seeing as a solution to end this strife-character, and this energetic state of competition – is to align myself with the movement of breath, and be gentle with myself – now – being gentle with myself is as I explained in yesterday’s blog – a point of moving myself gracefully, and softly in every moment – wherein I am not in a state of rush, or energy of trying to get as much as possible done, as fast as possible – but that I am moving consistently with the breath here – one breath at a time.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of superiority, and feeling more than, and better than – and imagining myself in all types of magnificent positions in the world – of being seen, and being famous – doing this because I experience myself as inferior, and being dissatisfied with myself – feeling that I have to strife, and do more, and become more, for me to be satisfied with myself; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of being rushed, and a state “trying to do as much as possible in the shortest time-frame possible” – instead of accepting and allowing myself to move on breath per breath basis – allowing myself to move in equality and oneness with my human physical body – not trying to do more, and not trying do less – but instead simply living here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I require to impress upon others that I have particular knowledge, and compete with others to gain some sort of recognition, and value in this world-system – for me to stop this inferiority; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that I don’t have become “more than” to stop my experience of being “less than” – because I mean – both these points are invalid – and the solution is instead to STOP creation – to stop creating myself through and as energy – and instead deciding to create myself as the living movement of breath in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create myself as the slowness, gentleness, meticulousness, and specificity, and consistency of breath – I mean breath is really this amazing point – that goes out, and in – all day long – consistent with the same movement – and the body will naturally align the breathing pattern to what physical points must be directed – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to align with this point of breathing – and allow myself to be consistent, stable, and simple – in focusing on the simple movement of myself as simply being here – and walking the point that is HERE without no ego, or mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn self-education into a point of ego – wherein I feel, and experience that I become “more than” and “better than” when I learn new things, and when I acquire new information – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-education – and think that knowledge and information is more than me, and adds to me more value than what I currently have – instead of accepting and allowing myself to purify my starting point for self-education – in understanding that knowledge and information can be used to enhance my life-experience, and effectiveness in this world, and reality – but it doesn’t change WHO I AM – as I remain the same – a physical breath movement here – that is not defined by this world; that is in this world – but not off this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that education doesn’t make me who I am – it’s instead a point that I am able to enhance my effectiveness in this life – and to make informed, and effective decisions that have an outflow as what is best for all – but it doesn’t make me more, or less – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop this point of excitement, and feeling superior, and energetically evolving – when and as I am studying – in realizing knowledge, and information is merely a practical point of knowledge and information – and it’s nothing that is more than, or less than – and I mean – learning new things is physically equal to anything else in my world that is physical – such as for example going out and taking a walk – and as such it simply doesn’t make any sense to exalt education to some form of god status in my world; but instead use education as self-support for me to become effective in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exalt educated persons in my mind – in thinking that persons that hold much knowledge of the world, and that are for example professors, or other type of academics, are more than “normal people” more than “working class people” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within me, want and desire to reach, and attain a status within me of being able to see, and define myself as being educated – and knowledgeable – and wise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire to accumulate as much knowledge as I can possibly do in this life – to as such feel, and experience myself as being superior, and more-than; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify knowledge, to glorify so-called intelligence, to glorify so-called wisdom – instead of understanding that looking at the world – there are many of these people that are intelligent, and knowledgeable in the world – yet nothing has changed; I mean why is this? It’s simple – it’s because knowledge, and information is useless without practical application – and I mean – the point of the practical application that is the point of the principle – the “who I am” – and this is the point that is of primary importance as it determines my very daily-living – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand – that even though I accumulate all knowledge in the world – it will be useless unless I sort out my relationship with myself – and allow myself align myself with the physical – and practice living what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify knowledge, and information – because my parents did that – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply copy my parents, and also begin to glorify information, and knowledge, instead of questioning the point – and asking myself – but hey – is this point really so fucking awesome? I mean – what is it with knowledge, and information really that makes it so important, and cool? And within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand that knowledge, and information without a effective living-principle – is useless – because it will be used to further self-interest, and further separation, division, and meaningless suffering – and hierarchical abuse – and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand that simplicity is the point that is worthy of real respect, and glory – the simplicity of living breath – of living care – of living respect – of living consideration – of living what is best for all; that is what have been missed in humanity – where simplicity have been interpreted as a weakness – while simplicity is really the key to creating a better world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify wisdom, as knowledge – instead of understanding that wisdom, and knowledge is really but arrogance, and presumption hidden in beautiful words, and complex sentences – to make it appear as if there is an advanced intelligence behind the words – while really there is nothing of substance at all – and I mean – there is nothing of the strength that is hidden in the so very simple points of nature – such for example a cat, or a dog – that are so simple – yet still hold more substance, and value – and worth – than what any wise man, or knowledgeable human-being have been able to muster – simply because of one thing; that the animals are REAL – they live, and express themselves with and as the physical – within and as PRACTICALITY – and that is what is missed when knowledge is glorified – that this world is practical and only practical physical self-movement is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify, and embellish philosophers, and people that think a lot – and that have many opinions about many different things – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dedicate my life to become one of these “smart persons” – instead of asking myself – but hey – what is really the value of this? I mean – me seemingly being smart – as having a particular vocabulary and being able to express this with confidence – is that really of any substance at all? And I mean – obviously – no – it’s not of any substance – because substance is not trying to impress others, or competing with others – it’s instead daring to live without self-interest – without a hidden agenda – and live practically what is best for all; which would in relation to self-education – be to focus one’s self-education to learn about points for a practical reason – so that one could then use the information to practically enhance one’s living expression in day-to-day living

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into a character of strife, of trying to “get results” and do as much as possible in the shortest time-frame possible – to apparently “be effective with my time” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this idea of time-effectiveness that I’ve created in my mind – is completely delusional – as it’s based upon the idea that the results are separate from the process of achieving and walking these results – thinking that I mean – to compromise the process and being negligent in my process of walking the point of learning, or establishing something – apparently won’t have any effect on the results; instead of understanding that the final outcome is always equal and one to the process walked to establish the point – and if the process isn’t walked in specificity and detail – then the results will not be effective; as such I commit myself to practice living patience, being composed, and steady in my application – moving consistently one foot in-front of the other – and not trying to make a “giant leap for mankind” so to speak

When and as I try to gain a energetic state of superiority to end my experience of inferiority – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point – as the idea that apparently I can end my negative experiences through imposing unto myself positive experiences – it’s not real; it’s merely a McDonalds solution – wanting to be fine, and cool with myself – without actually doing the labor of looking into how I’ve specifically created myself – and how I am able to re-create myself as what is best for all; as such I commit myself to dare to go into the nitty-gritty of my negative states – and understand the dealing with the problem at it’s core – is the only solution

When and as I see that I go out of the state of natural breathing, and being aligned with and as my breath – in that I go into a state of trying to be more than breath, and more than this moment here – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – being more than here is an illusion – and implies that I go into my mind – which really means that I become less; because I will go into my mind and live in a illusion which is by design inferior to the physical as reality; as such I commit myself to see that living HERE in every moment – and walking this breath here fully – that is enough – that is sufficient – and that is really the epitome of living – because it’s being real – and there is no point in this existence that is more than this point of HERE

When and as I see that I define myself as being “educated” and I create an energetic state within me of feeling that I am more than, and better than – advanced, and evolved; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of thinking that I am more than because I’ve read something, or integrated some knowledge – I mean – it’s not real – it’s a fake experience – and the proof that it’s fake – is that it’s not a practical and factual point that I can observe and use practically in my world to support me – it’s a mental divergent from physical actual reality; as such I commit myself to study as a practical point – understanding that knowledge, and information doesn’t define me – as I am in this world – but not off this world

When and as I see that I am exalting the process of integrating new information, as studying, and as being educated to some type of godhood within me – thinking that it’s the “ultimate point” – and that I am really “becoming more” when I educate myself; I immediately stop myself – I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – this point of thinking that information is making me better, making me higher – I mean – it’s a illusion – and the proof is existent in this world – a world that is obsessed with creating, and learning information – yet has this produced a better world? No – merely more effective way’s for human-beings to kill, and lie to one another – that is not real evolution; as such I commit myself to understand that information is useless unless it’s used – practically used – to benefit everyone – as what is best for all

When and as I see that I am exalting academic persons in my mind, thinking that they are special, and above “normal” people – or “working class” people – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that society would not function without the carpenter, or the garbage-man, or the locomotive driver – I mean academics serve their purpose but it’s not more important than a practical point in this reality; as such I commit myself to stop exalting academica to some type of godhood in my mind – and I commit myself to see that academic knowledge is just that – academic knowledge

When and as I see that I am glorifying knowledge, and apparently “smart people” – thinking that these kind of people are so cool, and impressive – and that I want to become just like them – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean knowledge is useless without practical application – knowledge for the sake of knowledge is only unnecessary and obviously only the ego can benefit from such a point – as the desire to seem to be more than another; as such I commit myself to accumulate knowledge that is practically relevant to my life – and the creation of world that is best for all – and just accumulate knowledge for the sake of knowledge

When and as I see that I am glorifying, and seeking to appear complex, and intelligent, and deep, and profound, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that everything is in reverse – thus it’s not complexity, or profoundness that is the solution – it’s simplicity and changing the very ordinary, and normal points of living life to become life-supportive – I mean – this is what has been missed in humanity as a whole – we all want to become super-heroes, and save the day – and kill the evil genius with one heroic blow – not realizing that the super-hero point is not taking into consideration that life is about simple daily acts – a day to day living where there is no big events – and that big events is created through the accumulation of smaller events as small daily actions; and as such I commit myself to focus upon correcting my living simplicity – and my ordinariness – to as such understand that real change doesn’t happen super-hero style – but happens instead slowly, but surely – in applying oneself in the simplicity of supporting oneself in every breath to remain clear – stable, and effective

When and as I see that I glorify complexity, knowledge, information, and philosophy – and regard this as more than simplicity; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that simplicity is the key to changing this world and reality – because in simplicity one is able to remain here as breath – and act within and as the moment – as simply seeing what is here and then making a decision, and walking that decision; I mean that is simple – instead of being complex – wherein one get’s stuck in thinking about a point – considering all kinds of made up mental rules, and regulations – looking at what is best, and what isn’t – instead of simply seeing, and acting; as such I commit myself to practice simplicity – which is to practice living here as breath directly – and not allow a mental wall to exist between me and reality

When and as I see that I am accumulating information to become, and feel more than – better than – and like I have a higher value than others; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that information in itself is useless – and to sit and gather information merely for the sake of having lot’s of information one is able to repeat – I mean that is both ludicrous, and also useless – and a waste of time; as such I commit myself to make sure that I accumulate knowledge from a starting of supporting in my practical day-to-day living – and not to create a feeling, and experience within me of being more than

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Day 40: Continuing With Nervousness

Today I listened to the interview “Finalising Nervousness Support” – and the point that hit home with me was the nervousness is most-often caused by lack of preparation.

stressThis made me consider a few points in relation to my studies – because as I’ve shared in this blog I’ve experienced much nervousness in relation to walking my exams, and writing the final test – and this nervousness did occur this time around as well. So – when I began to considered the point that nervousness is very much related to one’s level of preparation – I realized that one dimension of my nervousness in relation to my exams might have to do with a problem with my vocabulary – and that the reason I do experience nervousness in relation to my exams is because it’s me actually showing myself that I’ve not integrated the vocabulary of the course effectively, with clarity, and specificity.

As I looked on this point – I utilized some memories from the past of when I’ve written my exam before, because by now I’ve written the term-exam 5 times already – and I compared my various study techniques, and then also looked at my experience of nervousness in relation to then at a later stage writing the exam. What I could see was that when I’d utilized the study technique of writing the information down – that was the exam that I’d experienced myself the least nervous, and also the exam on which I’d received the best results – fascinating!

This “finding” so to speak also correlates with what I’ve recently learned about “the natural learning ability” of the human being – and how we as human beings integrate information the most effectively. Writing information down is one of these physical practical points that give’s the physical body a opportunity to work with the information for real – and which also establish a more effective output – because in only reading information what one do is that one establish an ineffective input. So – I will cross-reference these points during my next term, and accordingly spend much more time writing information than I’ve done before – to see what the effect of this will be, and whether this will allow me to integrate the information more effectively.

Okay – that was what I had to share about my findings in relation to the natural learning ability, vocabulary effectiveness, and it’s influence on my experience of nervousness – though this is not the only dimension that affects my experience of nervousness. There are three words that I see play a role in my nervousness-experience – these are “unknown”, “unexpected”, “unplanned” – and these points are also much related to the experience of stress – which there is a cool interview about that you can hear here. So – in essence I will dedicate my self-forgiveness in this blog towards investigating my relationship towards these three words, and also apply commitment statements – as to how to correct my relationship with these words so that I can study in the stability, and silence of breath – and do my exams in the stability and silence of breath – with no movement within me what-so-ever.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a fear of the unknown, a fear of that which I can’t control, and can’t foresee – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into nervousness, and stress when and as I don’t have a complete control over my reality – and I do not know exactly what is going to happen in the next moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I do not have complete control, complete mastery over my physical reality – and that I can foresee everything that will happen in my world – that I am vulnerable to destruction, and annihilation – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my fear of the unknown, my fear of the unexpected, and my fear of the unplanned – through thinking that I am protecting myself by holding unto this fear – and that this fear helps me to be effective in living – while really – the opposite is true – because what I fear I create – which is so because in living as fear – I am not seeing, and utilizing common sense in my direct movement here – and thus the likelihood of me creating compromising situations, and moments for myself is much greater

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a fear, and anxiety towards letting go of control – and trusting myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate control to self-trust – not realizing the self-trust is not dependent upon control – because self-trust stands regardless of external stimuli movements – as self-trust is a point that is developed, and created by self – and as such not dependent upon a particular external point to move, or exist in a particular way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear, anxiety, and nervousness towards not being able to foresee whether my life will be “happy” or filled with struggles, and strife’s – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify holding unto control, and stress – and nervousness – in thinking, and believing that this increases my likelihood of experiencing a “happy” life – not seeing the simple common sense – that living within anxiety, stress, and nervous I can’t ever be in anyway “happy” – as I will constantly exist in a worry, and state of fear – that something is going to occur and happen that I do not have any form of control over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being powerless, and unable to impose change on my life, and reality – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify holding unto stress, and nervousness – thinking that when I hold unto these experiences I will at least be able to protect myself from having a situation manifest wherein I am powerless, or unable to change my reality – not realizing that stress, and nervousness are mental experiences and not a physical practical and useable skill that assists me in moving myself effectively in my life – and thus completely irrational experiences that do not help to assure my physical well-being in this world, and reality what-so-ever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason I fear loosing power, and loosing control – is because I’ve not allowed myself to create these words as living words of and as myself – but that I’ve allowed myself to define these words as my ability to manipulate, and control my exterior reality – not realizing that this is not power, and this is not control – it’s merely a form of physical movement bound by the laws of the physical reality – but not a actual power, and a actual control – because all the time – regardless of how “powerful” I might consider myself to be – I will always be subject to the laws of the physical world and reality – and as such I understand that real control, and real power – can only be real and actual when I stand as those points within and as me as a living expression of me – as a living statement of who I am in each and every breath – wherein I decide what and who I am – and what principle I stand and live by

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I stand certain in who I am – certain in what I am – certain in why I am – there can’t be any nervousness, or stress – because these points are in essence based upon fear of death – as the fear of loosing all form of control over this external reality – and this fear can’t exist when I stand within me in such a stability, and depth of silence – that I understand that who I am can’t be moved, touched, or defined by death – as I stand as the power within me that in all-ways decide who I am – and within this that I create who I am – thus creating life from nothing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the experiences of stress, and nervousness – allowing myself to go into and as a state of preparation – as trying to avoid a disastrous event from taking place – and through these experiences attempting and trying to control my reality; and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the simplicity of physically controlling my exterior reality as a point of self-movement – and even though I am not able to have full control – I am able to have somewhat effective control and create this control without any form of experience such as stress, or nervous – because physically directing, and moving my reality is not about mental experiences – it’s about my effectiveness of communication – my effectiveness of physical movement – my effectiveness in social interaction with others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how stress, and nervousness literally are illusions – because – they do not produce anything of benefit – they do not assist me in stabilizing my life, and my daily living – they do not assist me in actually walking through my exams – they do not assist me in actually making sure that I have money, and financial stability – they do not in-fact do anything but exist within me as a experience – that in essence only serve to disturb me, and take my focus away from living, and moving myself in my day-to-day life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the points of unexpectedness, unplanned events, and the unknown – realizing, and understand that I will never be able to have complete control over this reality – as such it’s completely unnecessary to create experiences of stress, and nervousness because I do not have that control – I mean – it’s impossible to have such a control so why continue to fight reality? As such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to align myself with the actual functioning of this physical world and reality – and stop fighting it – stop resisting it – and stop trying to change it to match my inner belief, and hope of what I’d like this reality to be like

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into and as a state of stress, and nervousness – because I see that I am approaching uncharted territory – and I can’t be completely sure on the outcome of what I am taking on and walking; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – there is no reason to fear uncharted territory – I mean sure – there might come an event that is painful, uncomfortable, or even an event that leads to my death – but – that is the nature of this reality – and it’s completely stupid to fear the nature of this reality as what is here – because it doesn’t help, it doesn’t assist, and it doesn’t change this reality; as such I commit myself to embrace the functioning and movement of this reality – and work with what is here – and practically train, and practice moving myself in such a way in this reality – that I am able to avoid and direct potentially harmful, or uncomfortable experiences, and events – as such – stopping myself from relying upon fear, nervousness, and stress – and instead relying upon common sense deduction

When and as I see that I go into a state of nervousness, because I don’t know how to be, or how to move, or how to direct myself in a given situation – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – me experiencing nervousness does not assist, and support me to walk, and direct the situation – I mean – it would be far more effective for me to stop for a while – observe the situation – and develop solutions – solutions are far more effective in having actual physical positive results than nervousness; as such I commit myself to instead of going into nervousness when I face the unknown – to make the unknown known – and develop solution for me to direct, and effectively move myself within that which is now known

When and as I see that I go into stress – as fearing that I will run unto an unplanned, and unexpected event – and that I will not be able to deal with this event – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – stress merely serves to make me blind to what is here – not see what is here – and not be able to effectively process what is here – stress is like a energetic blindfold that I take on thinking that it will help me to navigate my reality – obviously that isn’t so; as such I commit myself to face the unexpected, to face the unplanned – with a straight back – and effective breathing – realizing that the only way to effectively live in this life is to live physically – breath by breath – walking actual practical solution instead of going into my mind as energetic experiences of positive, or negative

When and as I see that I am going into and as a fear of not being in control, and not having power over my world – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that power, and control over this world is in essence an illusion – something that isn’t real – but merely real in my mind; as such I commit myself to live real power, and real control – which are points that I live AS ME – as me living the decision in every moment that I am life as all as one as equal – and that the principle which I stand by – and make my decisions by is what is best for all – and giving to another as I’d like to receive

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