Tag Archives: job

Day 450: Changing The Cultures At Work

Recently I quit my job and moved unto a new employer, with new office, new colleagues, new routines, and a new culture. It has been very interesting, primarily, because I have been able to observe the difference in culture.

At my first job, there was a pressure and stress to the atmosphere. There was a lot of animosity under the surface, irritation because of changes in the organization, or just general dissatisfaction with the amount of work that was pressuring the employers. There was also this interesting tendency to reward/look positively at putting in long hours at the office. It was seen as good to work more, and I found myself, on a couple of occasions, competing with my colleagues about who was working the most. When I look back at it now, I find it fascinating, because there is absolutely no value in merely working – the focus – should be on the RESULT. If the result is dependent upon working more hours, then it might make sense – however if the result is instead dependent on the QUALITY of work put in – and not the quantity – then it does not make sense to put in more hours than what is needed.

Another point that was quite noticeable at my old work was the hierarchical structure and the competition existent between some of the co-workers. And mostly, the competition had to do about achieving a higher standing in the eyes of those higher up in the hierarchy. Many times this created a tense atmosphere, which led to mistakes being suppressed and withheld, rather than being opened up and discussed. Consequently, information sometimes got lost, and the organization as a whole lost strength.

Though, the most compromising point existent at my old office must have been gossip. It is a very destructive habit. It creates separation between individuals, it separate groups, creates many misunderstandings, and assumptions. Gossip, while it might sound as if a problem is being discussed and opened up, it is only a way of immersing oneself in emotions while attempting to destroy another and get backing from others to feel justified about it. Gossiping is cowardly and should not be allowed in any office. For a organization, gossip is like a illness. I would imagine, that the same organization, free from gossip, would be able to perform with 100 % more efficiency. However it is very difficult to do, because gossip easily becomes like an addiction. Then we become addicted to our problems as well, because they offer us opportunity to bring up our gossip and have others join in.

Hence, the big differences thus far that I have noticed, is not so much in the description of the work, but more in the culture existing at the office – and it is fascinating the impact that this culture can have on how the work is experienced. And culture is not something that is easily changed. In-fact, there are organizational experts and motivational speakers specialized in only changing the culture/the general approach of the employees of a workplace – and in most of the cases without much success. The reason for that, as I see it, is simple. It has not yet been effectively understood how the culture, the accepted and allowed set of behavior in a office, is created – and that employers must put in A LOT more resources into working with/directing the underlying problems that the employers have that come through as for example gossip.

One practical correction that I have applied at work in order to support myself to be more effective has been to push myself to be professional – to keep my relationships and myself directed and targeted at and towards fulfilling the goals/responsibilities of the organization. To do that, I have pushed myself to keep in my mind a overview – to see not only my own personal life – but to as well see how my position, and the actions I take in my position, influence and effect others. Doing that, I have also come to see the value in what I am doing. And due to this personal relationships has become less important, in favor of prioritizing fulfilling the responsibilities I have.

On a final note, I want to add that, when it comes to office politics and work environments, even though it might feel like we cannot change them, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of us taking back the initiative and ACTING. We cannot wait for others to change – if we want a different atmosphere – we have to create it – and that always begins with ourselves. If we want less gossip, first we must make sure that WE do not gossip. If we want less stress and more structure – then we must first make sure that WE live and create that for ourselves – that we stand as an example. And I have experienced this at my past work place – things do change when I change. As such, blame is NEVER valid – we always have the power and capacity to do something about our situation.

 


 

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Day 384: Solving Fear With Structure

I have worked a lot with fear, anxiety and insecurity in relation to work and managed to stabilize myself in many dimensions/areas. However, what is cool, and also challenging about my work, is that I am continuously moving into more expansive positions of responsibility, which then opens up new experiences/dimensions of anxiety, fear and insecurity. I have realized that there are a couple of things that assists and supports me to remain stable at work. Firstly, structuring and planning my work thoroughly assists and supports me to remain stable. Secondly, preparing myself and devoting the time and effort required for me to be fully knowledgeable as to the point I am directing assists and supports me to remain stable. Though, recently with work, because I have been given new responsibilities, it has been more difficult to fall back on my previous tools.

There are primarily two things that builds this pressure within me. It is the fear of making a mistake, mishandling my responsibilities, and facing critique/anger from colleagues and others – and it is the feeling that there is too much, too many responsibilities, and too little time for me to effectively handle them. The latter of these pressure points is not only mind-based – it is a fact that I have little time – and to get to all my responsibilities – it is hence important that I am efficient, precise, prepared and structured – because that enables me to walk through it effectively. The former, the fear of mishandling my responsibilities, is however a mind point, in the sense that, it does not make sense to worry about critique/anger that I might potentially face from others, as it should not affect who I am anyway. Hence, it is these two points, and my relationship to these points that I want to work with. If I am able to stabilize these points – I know that I will be able to work and care for my responsibilities without going into pressure/anxiety/fear.

Thus during the past week I have worked with the word STRUCTURE. Initially I found this word empty and vague. Though, as I considered, looked at, and practiced implementing structure into my life, I came to see that structure is very much practical. Living the word structure is not the same as having routines – because routines does not necessarily have to be structured. In the word structured there is an element of prudence, sagacity and foresight. When something is structured, it is planned, it is considered, it is a plan develop with clarity and understanding. A routine on the other hand is simply something I do because I have done it other times. Structuring my life requires intelligence and self-movement.

I practiced structure through pushing myself to take one day each week, either at the beginning or the end, to plan the week ahead, using ‘to-do-lists’ and basic timetables. This then gave me the opportunity to slow down and look at my work and my home-life from a birds eye-view – which would allow me to prioritize, plan-ahead, consider, refine, and prepare myself for the week to come – so that nothing would come as a surprise. The results of this practice was that I remained grounded and stable throughout my week. When something unexpected came along, I dealt with that, however when that point was sorted out, I would return to the plan.

Another way which I would live structure was to already before I went to take my coffee break, decide on how long it was going to be. I did this because I have a tendency to otherwise, sit at the table, and wait until some of my colleagues leave, and then get up and back to work. However, when I do that, this is sometimes compromising, because I will loose time, that would have been better used working. This, similarly supported me to remain stable, to know what was coming, to know what I was doing, when I was doing it, and how I was doing it.

Hence, structure, a very interesting word, and I have come to see that it is in-fact practical, concrete and very much earthed. Living and integrating structure has however been quite challenging, because I have a tendency to ‘flow out’ into unstructured and spontaneous activity – and although I enjoy this form of expression at times – it is not very supportive to live like this all the time. In other words, it is always supportive to have a direction, though that should not limit me from improvising when it is needed, or I decide to do so, because it is something that I want to experience.

I will continue to experiment with the word structure in the week to come. Will be back with updates.

 


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Day 370: Equal Regardless of Position

I have recently begun walking through a pattern of fear/inferiority/anxiety in relation to superiors at work. It is an interesting point to look deeper into, because it reveals many parts of how I have set up my mind to function in relation to money, status and position. I have come to realize that it is not really about my superiors at all, it is not about the work at all, the entire pattern is showing me something about myself, and how I have dis-empowered myself, and placed the power to live/express in relation to money, the system, career, into some very narrow and specific physical manifestations.

On a superficial level, the pattern tends to play out as follows: My superior will come around, I will experience anxiety and fear, and become held back and less expressive – and I will over-analyze most things my superior say and many times come to the conclusion that what he or she has said has been some form of insult or hidden critique towards me. That will add fuel to the fire so to speak and increase my experience of paranoia.

Where is this fear coming from? What I have been able to see is that I have placed a lot of value and power into my superiors – I believe that they have the power and initiative to give or withhold my access to money, my ability to create my life and my ability to survive – basically that I need them to stand beside me – and to be there for me for my life to work. I have as such projected my own power and authority to make decisions and move myself in my life unto my superiors – which is a serious limitation.

It is not only a limitation, it is also irrational. Because fact is that I do not need my superiors to like me, to stand beside me, to want me as part of their organization, for me to be effective in this world system – for me to be effective with money – for me to be effective within establishing a career for myself. Sure, if I have an effective relationship with my superior it might make things easier, however it will not determine anything, because the determining factor is ALWAYS myself.

I made it through my university education primarily because of myself, the decisions I made and followed through upon, my determination, my consistency, that was what allowed me to pass my exams and get my current job – and thus – I created my own opportunities. It was not my superiors, and the same goes with my current job – I am the one making sure that I continue to develop, expand and move within the settings of my current job – I am the one pushing myself to go further – nobody else. And thus, I see, realize and understand, that the point I must embrace is that I am responsible for my own life and there really is no other authority but myself. I am the author of my life and nobody else.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project power, authority, control and direction unto my superior – and thus believe that I need my superiors liking in order to make something out of myself, to remain stable in my life, to remain consistent in my life and be able to create an effective relationship with money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own power and authority unto the money system, unto my superior, unto my education, unto my teachers, unto my grades and marks, and believe that it is they/them that control my future and how my life will play out – and that I thus must make sure to please and satisfy all of these various characters – thinking that if I do not do that – it will have severe repercussions – and I will not be able to do anything what-so-ever with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and recognize my own value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for someone else to give me a sense of value, and to stand as my point of power and authority – instead me taking on and standing as these points myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life and everything in it will work out when I am accepted by my superior, when things are going smoothly at my job, when I am seemingly accepted by the current system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I approach life from within and as that assumptive starting point – I am creating consequences for myself – because I am not actively living, directing and moving my life in the direction within which I see that it would best if it moves into – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution is that I take charge and responsibility for all parts of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear authority and feel inferior to authority and want to serve authorities so that I can save myself from a bad outcome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority and to believe that I am not capable of doing that – and that I need someone else to stand that point for me – that I need someone stronger and more apt to be my authority – thinking, perceiving and believing that I am not able to do it for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not valuable enough to stand as an authority in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not strong enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the right to be an authority – that I need someones permission to take up and stand in the role of being an authority in my own life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority in my own life – in fear that I am going to be attacked, harmed, and excommunicated – that I am going to be forced to leave this world and life behind – because other authorities sees me as infringing on their power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe and secure when I am able to have someone else be an authority in my life – because then I can have them make decisions for me – them take responsibility for me – them be the person that I blame if things do not go as I would like them to go – and hence I see, realize and understand, that this is a limitation – and not in the image and likeness of my full potential

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear and inferiority towards my superiors, I stop myself, take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this fear that comes up within me it is limiting me from interacting with my superior one and equal, in a comfortable and easy-going manner – and that in turn limits me from expanding my relationships – and here I see, realize and understand, that the real problem I have is not about my superiors, it is about me and my relationship with myself, where I have come to define myself and my value according to position, stature and money, instead of me trusting myself HERE within and as my human physical body to live grounded and simple – equal with all others physical expressions – thus I commit myself to remind myself that I am the directive principle of my life with regards to career, money and work – and that these are points that I take full responsibility for and do not push over unto my superior – and I commit myself to breathe and ground myself back into my body – into my point of equality – and then practice interacting with my superior as I would with anyone else – as an equal


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Day 369: Self-Forgiveness On Fear Of Living A Boring Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming but a statist, a prop, someone that is uninteresting, and uninspiring, someone that leads a boring and predictable life, that has submitted to a life of survival – and fear that people will judge me as boring, and that when I die, I will feel that I did not do enough with my life, that I did not challenge sufficiently, that I did not push myself sufficiently to walk my process of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up within and as a fear of losing my time to walk process, to fear that I am missing something, that I am failing at something, that there is a unknown variable in my life, of which I am not yet aware, that is slowly but surely moving to a close, and that I will not be able to see this aspect of my life until its to late, and then I will regret myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will regret myself, that I will look back in my life and think: ‘Shit, why did I not do X or Z instead’ – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on something that I am not sure on what it is – or how I should correct it – or if there even is something for me to correct – instead of focusing on my PRACTICAL living HERE in this moment – because in this practical moment I am able to make changes – I am able to direct myself – make concrete movements as to what I am going to do – improve – change – and walk – movements that I see will have an effect – and obviously my time is better spent in this area of my life where I do see what must be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having the time in my life to do what I want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having the space in my life to do what I want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having the courage, the insight, the seeing, to do what I should be doing, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there is something I should be doing, that I am not doing, and that this is causing and creating problems for me, that I am not even aware of at this moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am doing things towards myself that I am not even aware that I am doing, that I am creating problems and issues for myself, that I am not even aware of, and that I am slowly but surely losing my ground, losing my presence, losing my life vitality, and that I am not even aware of this, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my life as this constant struggle to remain afloat and in control, to remain directive and in charge, so as to not accept and allow that anything or anyone else takes charge of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my life will be without purpose and meaning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my life will be without purpose, meaning and importance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my life will become irrelevant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being locked into a constant state of survival and search for food and water and nutrition – that all of my life will become about finding resources to survive – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that this is all my life will be and nothing more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to give into and lose myself in the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to become to engulfed in making sure that I survive in the system that I completely miss out on what is of real importance to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have compromised myself – to fear that I have now settled into a lifestyle that is meaningless – and that I am living my life – doing things – walking a way of living and creating myself – that in essence is meaningless – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a meaningless and insignificant life that others view as nothing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to draw stability, value and comfort within myself, through making sure that others react to, and find my life interesting, worthwhile, and significant

When and as I see myself going into this fear of losing myself in the system, losing my time, losing my purpose and drive, losing my will to live because all of me is sucked into irrelevant points, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that fearing to lose myself in something, indicates that I do not fully trust myself, that there is a part of me that know it is possible that I can completely go into a particular lifestyle, and then forget all about what is of real importance, hence, the solution to such a mistrust, would be to push myself and my process of self-creation, to even more, make it part of my daily living application – so that it is not something that can be lost – but a stable and always present part of myself – thus I commit myself to apply self-forgiveness within me after each reaction I have – to apply and practice living words as corrections in the moment when and as I notice I go into some form of mind experience – to continuously and with regular intervals write my blog – speak self-forgiveness out loud and continue my participation in the Desteni courses offered – to thus make sure that my process of self-creation is a living thing that I care for and tend to – and that I make a part of myself


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Day 365: Conditioning Self-Expression

Today I took some time to direct a couple of my material belongings that had been put in storage. I approached the project with the starting point that I had to make a decision for each of my belongings as to what was going to happen to it – what purpose it was going to have for the future to come. The things which I had not used in a couple of years I decided to give away – this group of things included a saxophone and a electric drum set. The underlying principle I applied was simple, with me these possessions were not used to their full potential, and by giving them away to someone that would actually use them, that would support fulfilling both the recipients expression and the instruments potential; in other words – giving the instruments away would be what is best for all.

However, and here is where it starts to get interesting, as I had made the decision to give away the instruments, I began to have second thoughts, and the backchat that moved within me was something along the following lines: ‘What if I will miss these instruments? I might want to play them at a later stage, and then I will not have them! Man, before when I was a bit younger, I played a lot of music, now I do not anymore, I really miss that’. Thus, my initial backchat was initiated by a fear of loss, and then my mind moved to how I miss playing instruments and having music as a part of my life – that latter part of the backchat as well motivated by a fear – a fear that I had lost these expressions of myself which I had accessed when I was younger as part of playing my instruments and devoting myself to music.

The experience took me by surprise, because I had seen that I was finished with these instruments, that I had used them and that I was satisfied with what I had expressed and achieved, though now with this fear coming up, I started to doubt myself. I took a breath and gave myself a moment to stabilize – and I looked at the point within myself.

I could see that practically speaking, I did not use the instruments. Not because I was hindered to do so, but because I had moved into a new part of my life where these instruments did not have the same role to fulfill. I could see that I was satisfied and fulfilled in terms of having explored and pushed myself to develop a relationship with the instruments and that I was ready to let them go. Thus, the fear did not have anything to do with my practical reality – it was all about myself – and how I was actually afraid of moving on and embracing the new expression of myself that have started to come through within me and my life – where my relationship with music and instruments has begun to change.

Because music and the expressions that I could access and live with my instruments, they are still part of my life, however the structure of my life today is different. Now, I express myself with music by singing songs that I really enjoy out loud, together with a stereo blasting the track at the same time – and the creative part of music – which I before expressed through writing and composing songs – that has become part of my job – where I spend a lot of time writing – and my carpentry hobby – where I must use my imagination and problem solving skills to create and find solutions.

Thus – with giving away some of my instruments – I am not giving away the expressions that I have developed and lived in making music – because those expressions are a part of ME – as such I see that it is important to not get lost in the structure and picture of this world – and relate what I experience and live to the images – because it is not about what it looks like – it is about WHO I AM – and HOW I EXPRESS myself within what I do.

I have found that it is easy to forget this, because the images seems to be so important, however looking back out my life, what has always been a constant is that the images change. My world will move, transform, become different, but I remain, which also exemplifies why it is so important to place attention and focus on developing OURSELVES – and not lose ourselves in the evanescent creations/allures of money and consumerism that so easily grip our attention and that we convince ourselves is the most significant point within our lives.


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Day 359: Work and Career, a Matter of Passion or Money?

Work, it should be fun, or should it only be a way to make money?

If we look back in history, the notions of loving work and following your passion (in relation to career) and finding your life purpose are modern inventions, concepts that have become marketed extensively with the raise of spiritualism. The spiritual teachings, which most of them are centered on attaining experiential freedom/joy/bliss, have for a long time been stipulating how important it is for us to follow our desires, especially when it comes to making an income for ourselves. However, there is a big problem in this way of viewing the world. Work, career, and physical labor, are physical conditions, physical experiences, for which you require certain physical prerequisites to complete and be a part of, such as for example being endowed with a particular body type, or having access to certain tools, or having a certain nimbleness to your mind. Different type of jobs and careers have different requirements, though, this is not considered or looked at when the spiritual approach is utilized.

The spiritual outlook hones into how we FEEL about a certain work or career, and it does not take into consideration the PHYSICAL. This creates many problems, one of them being the mindset of ‘not knowing what to do with one’s life’ that is becoming increasingly common in young people. It is not rare for the modern youth to wait until they are 30 or 35 before they decide on a direction for themselves when it comes to money and survival. If we look back a 100 years ago, that was very unusual. Obviously, back then, we did not have as much personal freedom, or as many opportunities and choices as we do now, and that must play a part in why many young people today experience it more difficult to make a decision for themselves on what they are to do with their life. AND, what exists today, that did not exist a hundred years ago, is the idea that we are supposed to pick a career based on how we feel.

Back in the days it was normal to take on the craft of your father. Probably not because the youths found it particularly enjoyable, but because it was practical and ensured their survival. Deciding on your future was a lot more SIMPLE, because there was no abstract and vaguely defined concepts, such as ‘following your passion’ in the way of making a solid, grounded and practical decision.

Hence, if we look at career and work, and making a decision with regards to these points, what is of PRIMARY importance is that the decision is PRACTICAL. Why? Because we live in a practical world. We do not exist in a spiritual world and thus it does not make sense to base decisions that will be experienced in a physical world on spiritual ideas and concepts. Doing that would be similar to trying to answer your exam in physics using religious discourse. Hence, PRACTICALITY, that must be the overarching principle that our decision is based upon, because if it is not practical, then it will not work or it will work poorly – simple as that.

And in the context of career and work, what would constitute a practical decision? One important aspect is COMPATIBILITY = We must be able to physically handle and direct the responsibilities involved with the profession we decide upon. A tailor must be able measure, know basic math, follow schematics and preferably have well developed ability of using the mind to look at geometrical structures, shapes and forms, and look at what steps must be taken to achieve such shapes in the physical. Further, it would not hurt if the tailor also have a stylistic sense and artistic talent, so that he or she can see what colors, fabrics and shapes fits to a particular persons bodily design. If those prerequisites does not exist in the person that strives to become a tailor, that person will with certainty face notable inner conflicts in developing those skills, or fail in the profession of tailoring. Hence, for a person that do not possess such skills – it is NOT practical to decide to become a tailor.

Another important aspect is MONEY. It cannot be debated that we live in a world where life is at the behest of money. Our survival, and access to creature comforts such as clothes, shelter and food, they are all dependent on MONEY. Hence, it is PRACTICAL that our career is a way in which we are able to make MONEY – and depending on our preferences with money – more or less money – however we must be able to sustain ourselves. If it is not possible to earn money on the career we want to pick – it is NOT practical. I have seen many that pursue the profession of their dreams and sacrifice access to comfortable living conditions in order to do it. Though that is not practical, it is not what is best, because in order to live effectively and support ourselves and our bodies, we must have access to comfortable and dignified living conditions.

It is first when the career we are looking deciding upon have passed this test of practicality that we can look at if we LIKE or ENJOY the profession in question. And yes, this is obviously not preferable, but in a world where our survival is linked to access to money, where we must make sacrifices to live effectively, it is the way in which we must look at work. Many times, the aspect of enjoying a profession is a plus on the side, something that might be there, or it might not – if it is – then cool – though if it is not – it is not alone of such weight that we should change the direction of our career.

Looking at money and career from this PRACTICAL perspective makes things SO MUCH easier. Because then we do not glorify career and work, we do not believe or see it as a way of living and expressing our passions, our pure and unconditional joy – it is instead a way to survive – and that is it. We stop trying to chase an idea, get back to reality, and make our decisions according to what is here – hence – no inner conflict – because we stand EQUAL and ONE with what is HERE as this physical reality as how it currently functions and operates.

Lastly, I want to point out that, even though our decision when it comes to career and money must be primarily based on what is practical – it does not mean that we are not able to expand and develop ourselves within our profession. And further, it does not mean that must make work about survival – as we are able to stick with our ideas as to what we want to do and create – and slowly incorporate it into our career and move ourselves into a direction where we see we are able to express an ENJOYMENT in our work – without compromising the PRACTICALITY of our lives. It is all about WHO WE ARE within what we do – and if we want to – we can expand, push and move ourselves, regardless of our position in this world.


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Day 352: Self-Forgiveness On Fears In Relation To Superiors

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and anxiety towards people that are superior to me in the system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards, and define having more money, and a higher position in the system as being more valuable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on having a high position in the system and believe that people that have a high position in the system are better than people that do not have a high position in the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people that earn a lot of money are better and more valuable than people that do not earn a lot of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting a promotion means that you increase in value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting a raise means that you increase in value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting a job, and having a job, means that you are valuable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting a job, and having a job, and working, means that you are needed, important, and have value, and a place in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being liked by people that have a lot of money and a high position in the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being appreciated by people that have a lot of money and a high position in the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged and defined as having no value by people in the system with a lot of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel, that without money, and without a high position in the system, I am nothing, and a nobody

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up, to fear living, to fear expressing myself, to fear trusting myself, thinking that, in order to do that, I require to have a lot of money, I require to be someone in the system, I require to have a high position – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the system to grant me a high position, to grant me self-trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be given self-trust by people outside of me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that self-trust cannot be given, it is something that I must create, build, and bring through as myself, through how I live, how I participate, how I interact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for self-trust to come to me, through being granted influence and power by the system, instead of me giving myself, self-trust, through me deciding who I am in every moment of breath, through me pushing and willing myself to create myself, and thus, not wait, not postpone, not hope and wish that the system is going to grant me the position that I want, but that I give myself that position within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on the system to give me the courage to stand up and live my utmost potential – instead of me standing up within myself – and pushing myself to live and create myself as my utmost potential – pushing myself to trust myself and to live my life within and as self-trust and understanding – that nothing in this world will be able to give that to me – I must give it to myself

When and as I see myself going into fear towards my superiors, I stop myself, take a breath and bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into a state of inferiority, a state of disbelief, and a state of waiting for the system to lift me up before I do, and thus I commit myself to straighten my shoulders, look up, use breath to stabilize me physically here, and live words such as confidence, trust, and self-reliance, to push myself to express myself naturally in the moment

When and as I see myself shrinking, and trembling in fear, as a superior walk by me, or talk with me, I stop, I take a breath and bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it is up to me to change my relationship with my world, with my life and the people in it, and that I am able to change myself, my life, and my relationship with people through living words, and thus I commit myself to in that moment embrace my EQUALITY with my superiors, to embrace my ONENESS, to embrace that I am here as a physical being, and thus of equal worth and value