Tag Archives: journey to life

Day 388: Is It Possible To Be Too Ambitious?

Since becoming a father, one of the ways in which my life has radically changed has been that I have a lot less time at my disposal. On a usual weekday, I am able to get home from work, deal with my responsibilities, and then there might be an hour left for me to do with as I decide. Naturally the weekends has come to represent the ‘time’ when I get to really have time for my projects and more time consuming responsibilities. Because of this the weekends are usually packed with things that I have planned that I am going to do. Unfortunately, because I have planned SO many things during the weekend, my schedule tends to become too ambitious. The consequences thereof is that I haste through my tasks, that I become frustrated when things take longer than what I initially planned, and that I become stressed when I see the clock moving forward with unbreakable determination.

I discussed this with my partner, and she brought up the point that I might be too ambitious with my activities/projects/things I desire to be done during the weekdays and weekends and that this then causes me to become/live in a state of stress pressure – and where my responsibilities become burdens/shackles – and not something that I am doing/taking part of as an expression of myself. I can see that she has a point. Instead of realigning my plans when things get too tight, I try to squeeze everything in there through forcing myself to move faster, think faster, do things faster. Hence, from my perspective, I can benefit from approaching this point in a wholly different way – and some of the alignments that I see I have to do is to be less ambitious with my planning – and also – to practice becoming more flexible and easy-going when I see that my plans will not hold up – and that there is a lack of time.

Thus, two words comes up for me that I want to look at/redefine/live in my life to solve this problem of mine: Realistic and Flexible.

Redefining words

Realistic

What is interesting about the word realistic is that, from my perspective, it should be natural to be realistic, considering that we have grown up in a world, that is realistic, and that we are continuously throughout our days faced with a REAL reality. Hence, the reason why I have had difficulty to be realistic is because I have obscured my clarity with feelings and emotions, in this case, particularly hope and fear. Fear being the central point of motivation, where I fear not getting done certain things, and then hope, as the energy that I use to suppress my fear and fool myself that I am able to do and get to more things than what I am actually able to handle.

To live realistic practically would thus be to FORGIVE and LET GO of my fears, and then to proceed making decisions about my day without hope. Instead, I will practice myself to see my reality for what it is – simply for what it is – nothing more than – nothing less than – instead PHYSICAL reality – what is ACTUALLY here for real.

Flexible

Flexible, being able to change direction, change plans, change mindset on the go. This is important, because when something is not working, when there is in-fact to little time for me to walk through an ambitious schedule, that is when it is important to notice this, and allow myself to change direction. Hence to live flexibility with regards to this point would be the ability to act in the moment and dare to change and veer of path when I see that this is the best direction to go.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on too much, to be too ambitious, to try to do too much, and because of that, stretch myself thin, and become stressed and worried, because suddenly, I am not anymore in control, and what seemed to be so simple and easy to get done in my mind, is not as simple and easy in real life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a ‘minor value complex’ – where I believe that the way I prove my value and worth is by making sure that I can recognition from others because of how many things that I am able to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to establish my value in life by actions and by showing how good I am at what I am doing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pressure myself to do too much – and to because of that – become locked into a trapped in a state of fear and anxiety – because no matter how much I try to do – there is always more to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn how to relax and settle down and be realistic and easy going with my demands, with my schedules and plans for what I am going to do and achieve with the time I have at my disposal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be flexible and realistic when it comes to what I have to do, the time at my disposal, and what I am able to get done without placing undue strain on myself – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – to bring myself back here – and make sure that I am realistic, calm and flexible, so that I can approach responsibilities and projects with stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan for too much, and then become stressed and anxious when my plans do not match my reality – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in my tendency of planning for, and doing too much, not remaining practical and grounded with my plans, and seeing what could work, and also, not placing any value into how much I get done, but instead doing as much as I am able to in any given moment, and not defining myself as less than or more than depending upon how much I am able to achieve

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create too much to do in my mind from a starting point of fear of not getting enough/sufficient with things done – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and contain myself into and as a state of stress/anxiety/wanting to get things done – and constantly strive to get more things done – because constantly feel that I am not doing enough things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be realistic/practical/common sensical when I make plans/decisions as to what I am going to do throughout my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be realistic/specific and use my experience as to how much time a certain point takes to bring through and complete when I make plans – and then if I notice that I have more or less time – to be flexible and change my plans according to what is required

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not relax, to take a deep breath in, and a deep breath out, when I make plans and look at how to arrange my day – to make sure that I am not driven by an anxiety or fear – but that I am moving myself within and as common sense – that I am walking and pushing myself from within and as a starting point of stability – and that I do not try to within stress/haste – grab any opportunity to make things work out because I fear the consequences if I do not

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself making plans or looking at how I am going to arrange my day from within and as a starting point of fear/stress/anxiety – I take a breath – I bring myself back here and I see, realize and understand that in making plans from this experience, I am going to make unrealistic plans, I am going to make plans that I will then hurry, fight, and be anxious/worried about completing, because there simply is not enough time to complete them within, and hence I commit myself to practice being realistic and specific when making plans – to be stable when I do them – to thus also understand that at times I will to be less ambitious with certain points – at other times I will to prioritize and not do other things – that I must weigh and consider what is most important and then learn to make a decision


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Day 387: Who Do You Miss?

Yesterday, while chatting with my Destonian friends, we decided to look at WHO WE MISS and what words these persons represent to us. I looked within me and I could see that I missed my father. To me my father represents warmth, acceptance and courage. My father has always been good at meeting new people, socializing, developing and tending to relationships, and as I see it, this is partly because of my fathers WARMTH. He resonates a genuine and innocent care and consideration towards the people he is close to – an attitude of unconditional acceptance – and that is something I would like to develop and create for myself.

Warmth

What does it mean to live warmth?

The way I see it, living warmth is to dare to be open to the world and people around me – to dare to take them inside of me and embrace them. Being warm is to dare to care for more than myself – to dare to be interested in more than myself – to dare to be passionate for more than myself. Being warm is to pulsate with a passion for life and what is best for all – and not accepting and allowing myself to rationalize and find seemingly rational reasons as to why I should not care – why I should not be passionate – why I should give myself fully in service of life.

How can I live this for myself?

I see that being warm with myself is to embrace me, hence I can practice embracing and holding myself. And then I can practice it by motivating myself to CARE for the small things in my life – to CARE for people and responsibilities – to INVEST myself in life and take personal responsibility – that can be done through being serious and attentive within what I am doing – to not do anything half-arsed.

Acceptance

What does it mean to live acceptance?

Acceptance is to embrace myself unconditionally – to not accept and allow myself to make up any reasons as to why I should apparently not accept myself – why it is okay for me to judge myself – why it is okay for me to be rough on myself. Acceptance is to DARE to be gentle with myself – to DARE to be open with myself and see everything of myself without reactions.

How can I live this for myself?

When something arise within me, it might be a tough, and for some reason, uncomfortable experience or thought – instead of judging it, and then trying to suppress to – to calmly and without reactions – look at what is going on within me – to observe what is going on within me unconditionally – to see it – and then establish solutions.

Courage

What does it mean to live courage?

Courage would be to not accept and allow myself to buckle down, crumble and go into my fears. Courage is to move forward and create even though it feels tough, even though there are doubts and fears. However for me, more specifically, courage would to put myself out there, to dare to be rejected or pushed away, though not accept and allow that to define who I am and what I have decided to do for myself. This is also what my father is very effective at doing – to place himself out there in the world – to grab the opportunities as they emerge and not accept and allow himself to hold back only because he does not know the outcome beforehand.

How can I live this for myself?

I can live courage by doing that which I see is best for me – that which I see is best for all – even though there are fears and doubts within me as to actually pushing on and doing it. Hence courage is simple in its application – it is to DO IT ANYWAY.


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Day 386: HEa(LL)th and Investigating the Limitations of Defining Self According to Body Image

Body image, we give it so much value, even though it is not that important, because at the end of the day how much of our self-experience is dependent upon what we look like? Not much. In-fact, because we obsess about our body image, we miss the qualities/characteristics that are of real importance in our life’s. Skills such as communication, trustworthiness, understanding, empathy and various other types of expressions – that is what determines our life – and unless we develop those – we will not be able to experience life or ourselves to its fullest.

Lately, I have faced my body image ideas/judgments more intensely – and in particular in relation to how I have connected body image to the word health. I am in this blog going to investigate, through self-forgiveness, my relationship with body image and health – and how I have come to limit these two words by defining/seeing superficially and only as an observer.
Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define health as having a body that is fit, athletic and thin

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define health as looking good, as having a perfect body image, as looking perfect, looking nice, looking beautiful and getting positive attention because of that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define health as being accepted by others and noticed by others because of how I look like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and judge my body according to its image and define it as either healthy or unhealthy depending on the image – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose touch with my body as the physical matter that is beyond looks

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better I look the more healthy I will become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the better I look that the happier I will be, and the better sex I will have, and the more peaceful I will be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the outcome of my life is dependent upon how I look

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the outcome of my life, my future, my process, is dependent on how I look

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the body image all important, to define myself according to body image, and to worry about body image, not seeing, realizing and understanding that body image does not determine who I am, body image does not determine whether I am healthy or not, and I cannot, by merely looking at myself in a mirror, establish a relationship with my human physical body – and hence I see, realize and understand that, that solution is in embracing the physical – my human physical body – without reference to the image – to breathe and ground myself into the very cells, into each and every breath, into my muscles, into my bones, and to feel my body – and to discipline myself to only relate to my body through this depth of connection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand, get to know, become intimate with my human physical body, through connecting with my body in the depths of its existence – through connecting with my body in each and every breath – where I breathe in and feel all of my body as how it really feels like beyond image, looks, and judgments – and thus I commit myself to BREATHE – I commit myself to each time I want to relate to my body through judgment – to take a deep breath and instead move myself inwards – move myself into my body – into the flesh of my physical body – and see, realize and understand that this is where the solution lies – that is where I can establish a real, sustainable and deep relationship with my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to adopt the beliefs of my parents and friends, thinking that I can determine the nature and condition of my body by merely looking at it, not seeing, realizing and understanding that as with all things, in order to understand them, I have to immerse myself, I have to get my hands dirty, I have to move inwards and look at the point from within as how it really exists, one and equal – and thus I commit myself to through effective BREATHING, through progressive muscle relaxation, and through reading up on and studying the functions of the physical body – practice and build a relationship with my human physical that goes beyond image and looks and that is deep, fulfilling – and based on UNDERSTANDING

 


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Day 385: Structuring Life, What Have I Realized Thus Far?

I have now for a while been practicing living the word STRUCTURE. Thus far I have come to see, realize and understand a couple of things in relation to living this word. Firstly, in order to be able to live structure it is important to follow through on my plans – because structuring my life through using timetables, calendars and to-do-lists is only worthwhile if I actually commit myself to follow these. Hence, the word/expression ‘follow-through’ I have found to be very important.

Closely related to ‘follow-through’ is discipline. I have realized that it takes discipline to live structure. For me, this is because I have a tendency to become too impulsive and spontaneous, and sometimes, motivated by stress/anxiety to try and take on and do all things at the same time. Utilizing discipline however, I can push myself to remain consistent and true to my plans – which helps me to remain earthed/practical/rational with regards to how I use my time. With Structure, I can create an overview, however it takes discipline to then stick to the small steps which I have mapped out from that ‘overview’ position – because when I am in the middle of everything – it is easy to get sidetracked and digress.

Living and standing as the word structure is thus a combination of many different words and expressions. This is what makes it challenging to live structure – and especially for me – the challenge has been remain true to my initial commitments. Hence, when I have noticed that I digress, I have applied a technique where I stop up, slow myself down, and breathe for a few moments, and then I return to that point of having a overview, and from there, I look at what is required to be done next. And usually, what causes me to digress is some form of feeling or emotional, where suddenly, I experience something different as very relevant to pursue, though when looking at the point objectively, with clarity, that urge/stress is in-fact not real.

I have also found that structure is not only about time, planning and what happens in my external reality. Structure can also be applied within me. For example, making a decision to always apply self-forgiveness upon, and direct internal experiences as they arise, that is a type and form of structure/platform. Or, simply writing a self-commitment statement, where I specify how to deal with and direct myself in relation to a certain point, that is a form of structure. Thus – structure is an expansive word – that can be lived in a variety of ways – and thus far – I have primarily explored it in the context of work/career – however I do see a lot of potential with regards to living the word in other parts of my life as well.

 


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Day 384: Solving Fear With Structure

I have worked a lot with fear, anxiety and insecurity in relation to work and managed to stabilize myself in many dimensions/areas. However, what is cool, and also challenging about my work, is that I am continuously moving into more expansive positions of responsibility, which then opens up new experiences/dimensions of anxiety, fear and insecurity. I have realized that there are a couple of things that assists and supports me to remain stable at work. Firstly, structuring and planning my work thoroughly assists and supports me to remain stable. Secondly, preparing myself and devoting the time and effort required for me to be fully knowledgeable as to the point I am directing assists and supports me to remain stable. Though, recently with work, because I have been given new responsibilities, it has been more difficult to fall back on my previous tools.

There are primarily two things that builds this pressure within me. It is the fear of making a mistake, mishandling my responsibilities, and facing critique/anger from colleagues and others – and it is the feeling that there is too much, too many responsibilities, and too little time for me to effectively handle them. The latter of these pressure points is not only mind-based – it is a fact that I have little time – and to get to all my responsibilities – it is hence important that I am efficient, precise, prepared and structured – because that enables me to walk through it effectively. The former, the fear of mishandling my responsibilities, is however a mind point, in the sense that, it does not make sense to worry about critique/anger that I might potentially face from others, as it should not affect who I am anyway. Hence, it is these two points, and my relationship to these points that I want to work with. If I am able to stabilize these points – I know that I will be able to work and care for my responsibilities without going into pressure/anxiety/fear.

Thus during the past week I have worked with the word STRUCTURE. Initially I found this word empty and vague. Though, as I considered, looked at, and practiced implementing structure into my life, I came to see that structure is very much practical. Living the word structure is not the same as having routines – because routines does not necessarily have to be structured. In the word structured there is an element of prudence, sagacity and foresight. When something is structured, it is planned, it is considered, it is a plan develop with clarity and understanding. A routine on the other hand is simply something I do because I have done it other times. Structuring my life requires intelligence and self-movement.

I practiced structure through pushing myself to take one day each week, either at the beginning or the end, to plan the week ahead, using ‘to-do-lists’ and basic timetables. This then gave me the opportunity to slow down and look at my work and my home-life from a birds eye-view – which would allow me to prioritize, plan-ahead, consider, refine, and prepare myself for the week to come – so that nothing would come as a surprise. The results of this practice was that I remained grounded and stable throughout my week. When something unexpected came along, I dealt with that, however when that point was sorted out, I would return to the plan.

Another way which I would live structure was to already before I went to take my coffee break, decide on how long it was going to be. I did this because I have a tendency to otherwise, sit at the table, and wait until some of my colleagues leave, and then get up and back to work. However, when I do that, this is sometimes compromising, because I will loose time, that would have been better used working. This, similarly supported me to remain stable, to know what was coming, to know what I was doing, when I was doing it, and how I was doing it.

Hence, structure, a very interesting word, and I have come to see that it is in-fact practical, concrete and very much earthed. Living and integrating structure has however been quite challenging, because I have a tendency to ‘flow out’ into unstructured and spontaneous activity – and although I enjoy this form of expression at times – it is not very supportive to live like this all the time. In other words, it is always supportive to have a direction, though that should not limit me from improvising when it is needed, or I decide to do so, because it is something that I want to experience.

I will continue to experiment with the word structure in the week to come. Will be back with updates.

 


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Day 383: Projections and Imaginations

I find it easy to become distracted by material things. For a while I have becoming increasingly enthusiastic, and equally anxious about changing/altering/refining certain parts of my living quarters. From being an innocent hobby, it has escalated, and moved, and now, I am basically daily imagining and fantasizing about new projects. The problem is that it is done, usually, from a starting point of anxiety, from a starting point of lack, where I perceive that there is something amiss in my life at the moment, and that I desperately need to direct/change/alter the point in order to streamline my life. Hence, the problem is not the actual changes, alterations I want to make, the problem is WHO I AM. I see this experience as symptomatic – and fact is that I suspect it actually originates in a different part of my life – and that it then moves itself into for example the dimension of my life where I deal with hobbies.

Thus – the problem I would say – the actual deep rooted problem – is my habit of approaching things from within and as a starting point of lack/anxiety – because if I would have not done that – then the projects I see around my home would simply have been that – projects – that I might or might not get to one day that does not change WHO I AM in anyway what-so-ever. That is the point that I want to get to. Because I do not want to distract myself, and exist in this state of continuous fear/lack/anxiety that I am missing something, or that there is something I should be doing, that I am not doing. I will thus push myself to live the word abundance – to embrace the abundance that is all around me in my life in the form of the physical with all its various expressions – nature, breathing, sensations, physical relationships, I mean there is so much to be aware of and discover, that disappears when I accept and allow my mind to be cluttered by anxiety/fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on new projects in my mind, and then become stressed when I notice that I do not have the time to fulfill/walk them completely, and then become stressed and anxious, because I still try to walk and complete them – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this behavior – to not question why I feel that need and urge to continue walking and pushing myself to complete and fulfill a particular point even though I notice there is not enough time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with taking on and moving new points into and as a form of fulfillment and completion – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to make my environment, my life, and my world seem perfect, and then create, and form all of these projects in my mind that I perceive I have to get to and finish for my life, and world to become what I want it to become, instead of remaining stable, and questioning this way of approaching life, questioning, why the hell I get this experience within me, and why I feel there is such a shortage of time, and why I require, or feel the requirement, and need to push myself so severely, and harshly, to ‘get by’ and ‘make it’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with achieving perfection in my outside world and reality – not seeing, realizing and understanding how this is literally a distraction – something that captures the attention of my mind – a point that I get focused and hooked upon – where I then lose touch and connection with reality because all of myself – all of my mind – is caught up in this state and experience of wanting to achieve perfection – picture perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to achieve material perfection through altering and changing my life to make sure that all parts of it works – and is perfect – that there is no flow – no mistake – nothing in my life that in anyway gives away that there is a problem and difficulty in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this way of becoming obsessed with the material side of my world as a way to escape and distract myself from walking my inner process of self-change and movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand what this tendency is showing to me – is that I too serious within myself when it comes to material success in this world – and that I am accepting and allowing myself to be all too possessed with making sure that I acquire material success and notoriety – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – and smell the roses – to push myself to walk in the moment and not be so serious and determined to reach some kind of future that is not even here – to reach a future that I am not even able to at this moment clarify to myself exactly where it is that I am going and why

When and as I see myself going into a imagination, looking at, projecting myself into the future, from a starting point of lack/anxiety/fear – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching life is not realistic – it is based on a idea of lack and that I have to fight/move/push hard in order to stabilize my value and get to a point of equality – instead of embracing my equality HERE – embracing the abundance that is HERE – seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not need nor do I require to accept and allow myself to limit who I am according to what I am able to produce and build, create, in the external – and thus I commit myself to breathe – to let go of material possessions and the anxiety/fear related to these – and I commit myself to live abundance within and as every moment of breath – to use each moment to integrate and stand with and as my human physical body – and the abundance that is HERE

 


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Day 382: Achievement and Significance

The way I have decided upon a purpose and direction for myself in life has generally speaking been decided/moved by a feeling of pressure/stress/lack. Today I looked at one of the decisions I have made recently in my life, and I could see that this stress/pressure was part of my starting point – because of this I questioned the decision and decided to look deeper in the motivating factors.

What I could see was the following: My primary motivation was a emotion that ‘I am not doing enough’ – in short a emotion of inferiority, insignificance and insecurity – thus the decision was a way to balance out this inner experience and strive towards a positive polarity. Thus – what I have concluded is that in order to be able to make a decision – I have to first and foremost make sure that I am not driven and motivated by a irrational attempt to make an emotional (negative experience) into a positive experience – because through doing this – I will always be stuck in a loop – walking back and forth between a positive and a negative.

As I reflected on this point today I was able to see that this way of making decisions has in my past resulted in my creating unnecessary conflict and consequences in my life. I have forced myself to pursue and live in ways that have not been in alignment to how my life was in those moments. And I have given up on or compromised responsibilities and projects I had already decided to take on and be a part of because this other thing/decision I decided to walk.

Thus – what I can see is that the solution is to STOP trying to achieve a sense of significance through an experience/energy/feeling – significance – and what is of significance – must be a living and stable word in my life – something that I take with me and live/create every day – not by attempting to invoke feelings – but rather by living it practically and taking action in my daily life with what is already here and with the points/commitments I am already walking.

Further – the negative experience of insignificance and inferiority – these are mostly created by self-judgment and comparison – where I will judge where I am at and then try to become and make something more out of myself to ‘feel better’ – instead of – STOPPING the judgment and comparison – and focusing on making my life significant HERE through actually living it WHOLLY, FULLY and COMPLETELY – not a house divided – but ONE me HERE living and interacting fully.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not doing enough, to judge my life as not significant enough, to judge who I am, where I am, and what I am, and think that I have to become more – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at and define myself from within and as a starting point of comparison – instead of looking at myself and my life from within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move my life from a starting point of comparison – instead of developing self-assurance and self-confidence – and knowing what I want to create and do with myself and my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when my focus is out there, when my focus is trying to achieve a feeling of significance through being meaningful and special in eyes of others, that is when I loose touch with what is real, with real significance, real responsibility, real meaning, and instead, my life becomes focused on experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel special and significant, instead of standing as/living those words practically – and here I see that special – and significance – it is practical words – practical words that can be applied and lived practically in my life through for example – making sure and pushing myself to live and apply words in my life in such a way that I each day find a word – and strive/push/will myself to live and implement it in my daily reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my emotional experience of feeling ‘not good enough’ and try to ‘fix it’ through creating a polarity opposite of ‘being good enough’ – not seeing, realizing and understanding that what I should be looking at is my relationship with and as myself – because I see that this is the relationship that I am projecting unto my world – and that it is not actually becoming significant and special out there – it is about me pushing myself to walk my personal process – pushing myself to change and live in expansive and new ways that are outside of my current zone of comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to ‘be someone’ in order to feel better about myself, feel more important, special, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value, my significance, my role in this life, according to how much I feel that I am worth to others, according to how much I feel that I impress others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and live naturally, organically, see, realize and understand that significance is not something that is achieved through convincing others that I am good – significance is something that I live in each moment of breath by actually making the decision to change and move myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hunt for achievements and significance out there instead of looking within and looking at my relationship with myself to see how I am able to live these words within me – to hence understand– that I am projecting these words ‘out there’ because I have not effectively lived and stood as them within me – thus it is still something that I desire and want to happen to me – not something that I have created and lived for and as myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself looking for achievement and significance ‘out there’ – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I will never find what I am looking for out there in the world, I will never be able to satisfy and please my urges of achieving some form of notoriety, because it is not based on a real, practical, physical life experience – it is me wanting and desiring to fill a hole in my own relationship with myself with some form of experience – thus I commit myself to practically create significance and achievement in my life through living these words practically – significance – by pushing myself to change my personalities and patterns – the who I am – markedly – moving myself to a point of definitive change – where I push myself to life my full potential and be the best that I can be – and achievement – by pushing myself beyond my comfort zones – especially when it comes to changing my relationship with myself and what I will accept and allow – to thus push what I believe myself to be capable of – and walk it through to a conclusion – thus achieving


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