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Day 183: Learning To Love Studies With Self-forgiveness (Part 2)

For context – here is an excerpt from the last blog:

In the next blog – I am going to continue with how self-forgiveness assisted and supported me to learn to enjoy learning, studying and education – and how I within that came to develop a fondness for reading, writing, and the dry subject of law.

Many that are introduced to self-forgiveness have difficulty in understanding why they should forgive themselves? Because from their perspective, they’ve not done anything bad, or wrong in their life, then there shouldn’t be anything to forgive, right?

Though, what must be understood is that self-forgiveness is not about right or wrong, good or bad, correct or incorrect – self-forgiveness is the process of establishing a relationship with yourself – it’s the process of getting to know yourself and seeing the potential that you have within yourself to create a life for yourself and those in your world that is optimal – that is best for all.

Self-forgiveness is a magnificent tool because it has no limitations, with self-forgiveness you’re able to investigate, penetrate and change all aspects of your life – education and studies being but one of these dimensions. Though regardless of what dimension that you decide to take and change with self-forgiveness – the outcome and result is the same; namely that you’re relationship to the particular aspect and dimension of your world change from being one-dimensional and based on a positive/negative feeling/emotion or both – into becoming multi-dimensional – wherein you start to approach a particular aspect of your life in looking at how you’re able to express yourself in/with that point, how you’re able to develop yourself, and how you’re able to enhance yourself through/within that point.

page_casestudiesSo, with regards to studies: As I mentioned in my last blog – studies up until I began university was mostly a struggle – it was tedious – restricted and boring – there were no challenges – and most of all – there didn’t seem to be any life in it; to me it appeared to be about learning things, meaningless things, memorizing things, numbers, events, persons, concepts, and ideas – for no purpose – no meaning – but for survival and in the hopes of one day being able to sustain myself with a job and have enough money to get through the day; and that wasn’t good enough for me. This however came to change when I began the process of forgiving myself and investigating my mind.

When I began my university studies I opted to study for law – now what is fascinating about the subject of law, is that most people that aren’t acquainted with the subject, tend to look at law as a boring, dry, unimaginative, and uninspired – it’s just these massive volumes of text that in a overly complicated manner attempt to control people’s actions – and on that basis most people will judge and shun away from it without ever having made their own investigations or made the effort the familiarize themselves with the subject – and I would’ve done exactly the same unless it’d been for self-forgiveness and the process of walking myself into the physical and developing common sense.

Because as I approached this new subject – I’d already to some extent understood the concept of ‘resistance’ – and how in experiencing ‘resistance’ towards something it mostly means that there is a point before you where you’re able to learn something and expand yourself. So, initially I experienced resistance towards studying – and primarily towards the academic language that was used in the books as it was completely new to me. Though, with understanding that these experiences are not ‘who I am’ – but that there is more to me than resistance – and that I do have the power to push through and learn – even though I don’t feel like it – or have any positive experience towards it– I managed to get myself beyond the initial tough stages of learning.

Now, the motivation that drove me forward and beyond this resistance was a direct resultant of self-forgiveness – because the purpose of me learning and mastering the material, and getting into the subject – was not about me ‘making it’ or ‘getting through the education’ – but rather there was an understanding within me that in reading these books, and attending the seminars, in taking notes, and looking for ways in which I am able to further my studies – I was expanding MYSELF and I was enhancing my relationship to MYSELF – and I was developing skills and abilities that I could take with me beyond my studies and apply elsewhere in my world – such as: The skill of self-discipline, the skill of structuring and handling information – the skill of focus – the skill of persisting and moving into new information and not accepting and allowing resistance to hamper me.

And this perspective and way of looking at studies opened up with/through self-forgiveness – because what self-forgiveness does is that it clears the smokescreen of feelings and emotions and lays bare the actual and objective reality of this physical world – thus: In my mind studies wasn’t anymore defined as only ‘boring’ – or ‘tedious’ – rather studies was studies – and I could clearly see that in devoting myself to my studies I developed and enhanced certain physical abilities and skills – and it’s important to note that this isn’t isolated to studies only – because slowly but surely – through the applying and utilizing self-forgiveness – many more dimensions and aspects of my world began to open up to me – and I began to see how all of my life in various ways represented opportunities for me to express myself.

Thus – self-forgiveness opens up self-expression – and it opens up the flow of life – and this flow is the inherent curiosity and drive that exists in each and everyone of us to expand – to experience – to develop – and enhance – it’s something that is natural within all and that come through when we assist and support ourselves to let go of the limited way of looking at ourselves our world with/through emotions and feelings as curtains before our eyes – which hampers us from seeing the potential of ourselves and our life.

As such – self-forgiveness is truly a gift that one give to oneself – that when applied in self-honesty opens up the door to life – and the interesting thing is that life has always been here – it’s just that we’ve never allowed ourselves to step in and take part of it – and the benefits and joys of education/studies is but one aspect of life that most of us have yet to experience and explore.

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Day 165: Car-Incident Continued

I will continue writing about the car-incident that played out a couple of days ago because I am still not clear about this point.

So, I notice that the backchat comes up: Why me? Why did it happen? What did I do wrong? And accompanied with this thought comes an emotion of indignation, and anger, as well as regret. I can see that I did take this entire event very personally, and the attack against my car actually feels like an attack towards me, and my person, as I’ve been in some way violated. I can also see that my backchat circles around the point of the presumed perpetrator, what he felt, how he thought, and whether he was angry, or not – and this also goes in hand with how I experience this event as a personal thing, something that was done unto me, the innocent victim, by this bad, brutish, and spiteful presumed perpetrator in my mind.

I find this event interesting from the perspective of how it can be generalized and expanded into the greater world system, and how it really gets to the essence of what the human mind as it currently operates. Because, consider how many that daily face this type of meaningless destruction in their lives, in particular those that happen to become involved in wars. They have everything in their lives ripped away and destroyed, meaninglessly, without a valid reason, and all their hard work and labor, which had been put into building their lives, torn away in a moment. This goes to show how the mind exist and functions, because the fact is that the mind have no stakes in this physical world, it only requires energy, experiences, and there is no consideration for what is physical, what is real, and the process that has gone into establishing the physical, nurturing and life giving structures of this world – for the mind that is merely things that stands in the way of what it wants and desires; and so, we have wars – were we will destroy each-others lives because it’s what we want to do, with no consideration of what we’re really doing, or that harm we’re causing another.

This point of spiteful and arrogant destruction can also be seen in how we live in our closest relationships, we often speak words without awareness of how they will affect another, because we want to do it, we feel like doing it, and because it serves our self-interest – and when we become angry, we let it fly, because we want to, it’s apparently our free choice. Though, what we can see, when we look a little deeper, is that there is no FREE choice, because all our choices have an outflow, there is a cost to everything we do, and the sum of our choices can be seen in the general state of the world, which is not cool at all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when and as someone lives out a pattern of anger, frustration, or irritation, and destroys something that I own, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a experience of feeling disregarded, powerless, and victimized, wherein I judge and blame the other individual as being the evil perpetrator that caused this bad, and hellish experience for me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally, and define myself as a weak and inferior victim that have no stake in what happened, and that it just came into my world, and I had nothing to do with it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck in blame instead of understanding the situation, and realizing that the this point is a multidimensional and aggregate of various points that play out into the event of my car being destroyed, and in that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame, judge, and feel that I’ve been personally violated, instead of accepting and allowing myself to remain stable, and stick with breath, and stand in this world, but not be of this world, and thus use situations such as this one, to get to understand, and see how the mind of the human operates, how my mind operates, and what the consequences are of going into and becoming possessed within one’s mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with blame, and emotions of feeling unjustly attacked, and powerless, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate these experiences in my mind, through constantly, and continuously thinking about this event, thinking about the perpetrator, thinking about what drove him, thinking about how it would’ve been if this event had not taken place, thinking about how much labor, and effort that had to be given and walked in order to correct his particular play-out and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and be angry at another for causing consequences in my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for this point, in realizing that I am part of creating this world system, and that I’ve participated in the same mind patterns as the perpetrator, of wanting revenge, of wanting to live out my anger, and spite another, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I thus can’t judge another, and I can’t see myself as being superior and more than another, because I am not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am not superior, and that I am not in a position to judge someone that goes into spite, anger, irritation, and revenge, because I’ve lived and applied the same point in my life, and at those times I was not at the receiving end, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge, blame and attack another in my mind, instead of bringing this point back to myself, and ask myself how it is that I’ve lived out this point, and how it is that I am able to stand as a solution in my life, and live as the example of not anymore going into, and living out these very consequential mind possessions, but instead taking self-responsibility and stopping oneself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that becoming angry, and feeling hurt, is not solution, and that rather, it will be far more effective for me to take this as a opportunity to learn and to deepen my understanding of the human mind, and of my own mind, and to use this event to question myself, and to see whether I still accept and allow myself to live out mind possessions that are of the same nature, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it’s unacceptable to live out a mind-pattern, act and behave from a starting point of wanting to, and feeling like I want to do it, without regard or concern for how my actions influence and affect another, and thus I commit myself to practice consideration in all my decisions, in my words, in my mannerism, and in my behavior, and to push myself to not anymore just live and do what I feel like doing, but to realize that my actions have consequences

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to when I speak, and interact with others, and I experience myself angry, frustrated, or irritated, and I want to snap, or attack another in someway, to stop myself, bring myself back here, and remind myself of what the nature of such an act really in-fact entails, and that I would not want to be at the receiving end of such an application, and as such I commit myself to take a breath, to stabilize myself, and to deal with my demons with self-forgiveness, alone, and by myself, and as such stand as a solution, stopping the circlesof reactions, and consequences, and instead forgiving, letting go and transcending, and moving through the mind

Day 45: I Testify – Here is My Witness-Statement

I am Viktor Persson from Uppsala, Sweden, and I was born in Stockholm, Sweden in the year of 1987. I finished high-school year 2006, and began my university studies 2011 – and I’ve selected to study the degree of law. I joined the Desteni Research Group through the Equal Life Foundation in the end of 2008 – when I also started my investigations of my mind, and what it means to live.

I started walking my process, and I’ve visited the farm, and throughout my process I’ve kept a journal about my understanding and practical application of it.

The duration of my first visit to the farm was 6 months, and the second visit was 1 month; through visiting the farm I learned that living doesn’t have to be a struggle, and that it can be enjoyable. That there are always new challenges to take on, and new points of self-expansion to be walked – and that life never stagnates unless self accepts and allows this to happen through valuing fear more than self-expansion. I have learned the value of discipline, consistency, principles, and living-ideals – and I have understood that change can only become a living reality through practical application in the physical – not through thinking about it.

In my process of keeping a journal, and investigating the Desteni Material – I’ve become more emotionally stable, assertive, decisive, strong, self-independent, self-confident, and I’ve decided to study law – which is something that I wouldn’t have done unless I became involved with the Desteni Research Team. Never have my participation with Desteni been motivated by Money – but my motivation has sprung from the sheer substance, and value that is to be found in the Material that Desteni presents; thus Desteni is NOT a Pyramid Scheme!

Through walking, and applying the Desteni Tools During the last 5 years – I have:

Transcended apathy; I now care about the direction of my life, my future, my well-being – and the well-being of those whom I share my world with.

Transcended social-anxiety; I now enjoy talking, and communicating with people in my life – and get to know new human-beings – I look with excitement at the prospect of expanding my network of acquaintances – instead of fearing it.

Learned how the world functions; I’ve humbled myself – and realized that I know very little about how the world functions – and within that I’ve begun my research too understand how the world functions – and I have learned A LOT – simply because I now care about myself, and my effectiveness in this world – and the daily impact I have on other people.

Transcended the desire for fame; I do not anymore look to become famous – and my life do not circle around me “making it” with my music – instead I’ve given myself a new purpose – to become the best I can be in this life – and to make this earth/world the best it can be.

Developed self-discipline; I am now very disciplined – and I am able to effectively structure the time of my day – and prioritize my tasks – allowing me to be a highly productive, effective, and functional human-being – and due to this I am able to walk several projects all at once without allowing this to compromise my presence and stability.

Developed self-assertiveness; I now stand comfortable alone – I don’t search for friendships – I instead develop contacts with people as a decision that I do without a secret agenda to feel accepted – I am now able to make decisions, and stand by these and not need the confirmation and support from someone else that I am “doing right” – I’ve learned how to think critically, and consider physical priorities – and thus I am able to make effective decisions, and trust my decisions.

Learned English; I am now highly effective in the use of the English language – both in speech, and in writing – all due to having consistently a kept journal of my research of the Desteni Material.

Developed effective communication skills; I am now able to speak with much more clarity, and self-trust – and convey points with great ease – I’ve for example received feedback several times from my teachers that my communication is clear – and concise – and that people understand me when I speak – I take this as feedback that my communication-skills have become much more effective.

Developed self-introspection/reflection, and self-correction skills; when something happens in my world that I react towards – I am now not anymore a helpless victim to my reactions – I am able to immediately deal with, walk through, and correct the reaction – and my living – through using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitments, and living the self-correction – as such I now trust myself to walk through this life effectively without falling – because I know that I have the tools for me to live effectively, and I am an expert in the use of them.

Developed my reading abilities; I am now a effective reader – this is due to how I have for the last 5 years spent countless of hours reading the Desteni Material – and also developing my vocabulary, and writing-skill through keeping a journal – thus I am now able to read most literature fast, and with effective comprehension – allowing me to be very effective in the world-system.

Developed relationship/partnership-skills; before Desteni I was not effective in communication, and intimacy-development in relationships – since I began my research at Desteni I’ve begun to develop this point – and the moment I am walking a relationship within which I’ve been able to establish an effective communication, and also express myself intimately – as such allowing me to walk a functional, and fulfilling relationship with another.

Learned to Forgive; before Desteni I held the adult-world in contempt for my failure as a human-being – in particular my parents; since Desteni I’ve forgiven my parents and established a fulfilling, and functional relationship with them that is emotionally stable and mutually beneficial.

Developed a relationship with my human physical body; I now care what food I eat – I care about the state of my body, and I am able to understand when it is something that I am eating that cause a imbalance in my physical body – and within that correct the point; and as such I’ve developed a effective physical communication with my body that have allowed me to live a more healthy, awake, and fulfilling life.

Thus – this is my witness-statement – this is what I’ve experienced, walked through, and understood in my five years with Desteni; Prooving that Desteni is NOT a scam – This is not hear-say but I’ve experienced this first-hand – thus – this is the evidence I show for anyone that is interested in knowing what is Desteni, and what are the effects of Desteni – Here is the Answer – I am the Answer.

 

Day 19: Test-anxiety – Competition (Part 9)

One of the reasons I experience anxiety, and fear towards not receiving a good grade on my exams is because of competition, and comparison – meaning – that I have thoughts about how I will perform, in relation to others – and within this I experience fear that I will not perform as well as others are going to perform.

competition-people1My first memories of competition in relation to school is from when I was around 10 years old – and here I remember that I was competing with one of my friends as to how got the best test score. When I got the best score I was happy, and excited – and I looked with glee at my friends score, and within that I felt like a winner. When my friend got the best score I became jealous, and I felt inferior and had thoughts of the nature such as: “I must practice more!” – “How come my friend always get’s a better score than me?!” – “Why can’t I be as good as my friend?”

Currently I am studying law – and this education is famous for being very competitive, because in essence your career possibilities are determined by what grades you receive – so I’ve seen that I’ve become very much affected by how my course-mates feel in relation to their grades, and I can see how I’ve been swept into this grade-competition cult. In the beginning when I first started this education I wasn’t that much fearful of receiving a bad grade, but the more, and more I’ve become integrated into the law-culture – I’ve become more inclined to worry, and fear about my grades.

So – here I have a cool opportunity to stand up and stand as an example of not accepting and allowing oneself to go into, and exist as competition – but to instead walk one’s education from a starting point of self-performance – where one change one’s starting point of competition – from competing with others to feel like a winner – to instead compete with oneself in challenging oneself to perform more effectively, and push through resistances, and become more dedicated, and diligent in relation to one’s studies.

Obviously – this is how competition should exist in this world – there shouldn’t be any comparative competition because really such competition is in-fact a lie – because it’s utterly impossible to compete against another as everyone as totally different capabilities, and resources at their disposal – we have all different genetic makeups, all different past’s, different up-bringing’s, and as such it’s really impossible for two people to compete – because they are never equal in all their prerequisites.

Thus – I will push to when I study – to change the competition – from ego-competition – to self-competition – as competing with oneself in challenging oneself to excel – obviously not from a emotional starting point – and not from a starting point of self-judgment – but instead like a game that I am able to play with myself – and that I am able to use to become more effective in my living, and in my various skills that I’ve taken on and decided to develop in this life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to infest myself with competition, and to study from a starting point of competition, and feeling that I am less than others – and that I have to perform, and become better than others in order to be satisfied with myself – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to recognize the fact that competition isn’t in-fact real – when I am competing with others – because I can’t compete with others as no two people have the same prerequisites – as such I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to instead change competition to become a self-support point – wherein I accept and allow myself to compete with myself – in challenging myself to excel, and become more effective within the points that I am walking in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how comparison, and competition are in-fact lies, and illusions that are spread in this world as a virus by media, education, and parents – believing that it’s possible for two people to compare each-other – when obviously it’s not possible – and as such the entire starting point of education, and comparison – and competition in this world is flawed – and without reality-connection; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become influenced by, and take on this flawed definition, and idea of competition – and try to live it within myself, and my world – instead of seeing that it’s not reality-compatible – and that it will accordingly only create conflict within me and my life

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how jealousy, and competition are in-fact misunderstandings – as creations that have been developed from within a assumption that two points can be compared in this reality – while this is not so – as all points in this world, and reality have their own unique past’s, their own unique prerequisites – and as such the idea of competition, jealousy, and comparison – is a flawed idea that is not functional in reality – and based on reality

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into competition, jealousy, and comparison with others – and from this fuel anxiety, and fear within me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how competition, comparison, and jealousy are concepts that are flawed – and not aligned with reality – they are in-fact illusions and mental projections; as such I commit myself to change competition – and comparison – and create this to be a supportive point for myself – that I utilize within myself – towards myself – to perfect, and move myself to become more effective in regards to the skills, and applications that I’ve taken on to develop and create within and as this lifetime

When and as I see that I am reacting towards what I perceive to be another being more effective than me – and I in that go into anxiety, and jealousy – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t compare myself with another – I can look at another for inspiration – but comparing myself is not viable – because it’s not real – because I am not another – and as such I can’t compare myself with another – though I am able to utilize what I see another do effectively within me – and develop this point in me – from a starting point of self-support, wherein I recognize that I am different than another – and that I can’t expect myself to be like another – and that I as such have to work with myself – here – as what is here as me currently; as such I commit myself to work with me – and to not work, and develop myself from a starting point of comparing myself with another – but instead work, and develop myself – within and as my living – from a starting point of me considering myself – and who I am within and as myself