Tag Archives: leisure

Day 377: Why Limit Self-Creation?

“There is no time for me to express! Work, labor, having to get money to survive, it is using up all of my time!”
Recognize this backchat and the oftentimes accompanying emotions of stress, pressure, regret and nervousness? Since I began working full time, I have been finding myself thinking this a couple of times, because working, compared to studying, time wise there is a huge difference. Work requires a different form of investment, you must be physically at work, you must push and drive yourself forward, there is usually a lack of time, and there must be results. When studying, you can read your books wherever you like, and you choose your level of ambition, where you want position your standards so to speak. All in all, studying is a lot more flexible and less physically demanding.

However, we live in a world where work is mandatory. We live in a world where our time must be used to get money so that we can survive. We live in a world where money gives us the right to exist – and hence – we HAVE to work – there is no other way around it. Even though we would ideally like to spend all of our time exploring our hobbies and interests, it is not possible, not yet at least. Thus, for me, it is been big changeover, going from studies to work. And one point that I have had to remind myself of continuously is that it is not about WHAT I DO – it is about WHO I AM within what I do. And I do see this understanding as the solution to the inner conflict, because when I stop placing a focus on where I should be, what I should be doing, who I should be meeting, I open up a space for myself, HERE, that I can step into – and then from there – step into the REAL world. And the real world is never set up according to my expectations, though it is in the real world where I have the opportunity to influence, to change, to move, to push; to CREATE myself – and that is meaningful.

SELF-CREATION is the forgotten ingredient in all of our lives. It has become normal to look for something or someone out there to make ourselves feel whole, our lives meaningful, though regardless of how much we look, regardless of the places we visit, the homes we build, the works we get, the people we meet, the hobbies we acquire – unless SELF-CREATION is part of the equation – everything we do feels incomplete – it lacks that something we cannot really put our finger on.

Hence – WORK – and the time we spend there – it is all about WHAT WE MAKE OF IT – it is time that we can use to CREATE ourselves – or it is time that we can waste feeling stuck/controlled/diminished. This is the choice we have – to either fully immerse ourselves in all aspects and parts of our lives and use our time to CREATE – or remain stuck in an illusory world of ideals, hopes and dreams for something better and more.

I have decided to embrace work as a part of my life – as a part of WHO I AM – and I have decided to make work a part of my life where I am CREATING MYSELF.


Learn more about this way of living:

Day 374: Irrational Priorities

For a while I have pushed myself to take on and develop carpentry as a hobby for myself. In this process I have come up with and walked several creative projects in and around my house, which I have found enjoyable, fascinating and challenging. However, in taking on this hobby, I also became aware of another pattern – that of irrational prioritization and placing an unmotivated amount of value on projects/things/tasks – that in turn creates stress, anxiety and worry.

Irrational prioritization is when something, that when observed in a wider context, is of no real impact, is seen as REALLY important. This happened to me with my carpentry hobby. I would come home from work and be tired, cook food, and then to my great dismay find that I had only a small amount of time left to devote myself to my hobby. Other times I would find that I had no time at all. Because of this I started to feel stress and resentment – stress because I had no time to do what I wanted to do/felt was important for me to accomplish – and resentment – because I felt that my work was stealing all of my valuable time that I could have devoted to my hobby.

However, I realized that I could not continue this way of relating to my hobby – and I saw that there was a misalignment with regards to how I prioritized my time. I looked at the point and saw the following: My hobby, it must be something that I do for and as myself, something where I develop and expand myself, my skills, my application, and where I do so as a moment of enjoyment. Carpentry as such is not something that requires me to complete projects, and there is no need to feel stress when I do not have enough time to apply myself within the hobby during a couple of days.

What is of REAL priority and REAL necessity in my life is in-fact such things as MONEY, FOOD, WATER, CLOTHES, TRANSPORTATION, HOUSING, HYGIENE – if those things are not in place there will be consequences – and thus they are a real of REAL importance – REAL priority. If those points are not aligned effectively, and I do not have enough time to get to them, there is a real problem – however – when I do not have enough time to get to my hobby – that is not a problem – it is not an issue – it is simply me not having the time to commit to my hobby.

Thus – what I have come to see is that a lot of my stress have been based on irrational assessments as to how important certain things are in my life. When I have defined and established the real priority/importance of a task/activity – it has been a lot easier to structure my life and move myself without stress. If I have had to little time to get to all the things I have wanted to accomplish, it has been easy to let go of the points that are of no real consequence – and then continue with my day.


Learn more about this way of living:

Day 313: When Work Becomes A Lifestyle

In certain professions and career paths there exist this norm, an accepted and even idealized trait, that you should work a lot – that it is good to work a lot – that you will expand and bloom if you work a lot. It is a interesting way of looking at life and there are many examples of this in modern TV-series. Let us look at the series Suits for example. Here we have two guys, pulling long hours each day, working, hanging out with their colleagues, and on their free-time, which is sparse, they either plan what they are going to do at work later, or worry about things that have or that might go wrong at work.

I have myself managed to end up in one of these career paths where there is a majority that view work as an ideal and it has only been recently that I have started to question this way of life, and in that asking myself – why is it that I see working a lot as something to strive for? And looking deeper at this point, I have seen that it is not so much about the work in itself, instead what moves and drives me to put in long hours is a mix of fears, desires, and also, some genuine expressions of MOVEMENT and EXPANSION. There is in-fact a genuine urge to improve, to go further, to enhance,  and to reach perfection. However, there is one important point that is missed in all of this, and I assume it is something that has become programmed into us from birth, it is that I do not see that in ALL parts of my life there are opportunities to push for perfection.

Hence, why is it that I only choose to push and will myself to go further at my work and not for example, with the same fervency and passion, in my own inner process of self-change? Or in my daily living chores, such as cooking, cleaning, washing, doing my hair, cleaning myself, etc? What I have seen is that this drive does not exist the same way, because in my personal life, there is no reward, there is no MONEY at the end of the line, there is no boss approving my work, no colleague telling me that I am doing good, there is no STIMULUS that moves me to push myself. This is obviously a extensive limitation, and a misalignment that causes me to put in too much time at work, creating a unbalance between my personal life of leisure and responsibility, and my professional life of survival in the world system.

What I have seen that I want to create in my life in order to correct this point is a balance between my leisure life and my professional life – and also – to remind myself each day that my private leisure life is also VERY important  – because it is here that I am able to pursue interests and push points that are not at this stage accepted as a part of the working system. Such as for example, giving time and effort to the DIP courses that I am walking, or pushing myself to write more for myself, do more blogs, and when the time is there, do vlogs – and also to give myself time to investigate the current functioning of the system.

What I want to share with this blog is the importance of remembering ourselves, that it is not about what we do in the system, who remembers us, how much money we earn, or what legacy we leave behind – at the end of the day it is about WHO WE ARE – and that point of self-creation is not limited to working. In-fact, for us to expand, to become multifaceted, skilled and learned in all parts of living, we have to give ourselves time to do other things but working.

And due to this point opening up, I have begun to observe myself more intently those days when I remain at the office long after working hours – and I have seen that my experience in those moments is slightly charged and elevated, it has become an addiction to work past the clock, and even though I have handled all the responsibilities that are required, I still sit there and continue – because I do not feel like stopping. It is thus in these moments that I have begun to apply the correction of taking a deep breath, slowing down, and asking myself: ‘Do I really need to sit here and work past the clock today?’ – and then if I answer that question with a self-honest NO – I pack up my things and leave for the day.

And related to this, I wish to share something that I read: It was an article about an old man who was nearing his retirement, and he look at the new generations, and said it looked like we were all running a 100 meter race, running as fast as we could to create as much as possible. He said that actually, life, and work, is like a marathon, and to reach the end you have to retain a balance in your life. If you use up all your energy in the first kilometers, you are going to be too tired to finish. And that is insightful and it also the solution to career, to work, and actually, to most points in life – walk with moderation – balance – and see that if but one thing becomes our complete life – then we are going to put unnecessary pressure on ourselves. We need to have variety in our lives in order to be functional and effective. And here is then the irony, that the more balance we have, the more effective and productive we will be when we do sit down to work – because then we have a clear and rested mind and a rejuvenated and replenished body.

Day 199: When Finding Solutions is a Cover Up

I’ve found that my stress and anxiety in most cases start in the morning, and that it becomes activated by a single thought – and that I then after that will substantiate and keep the reaction alive through going into backchat about the point. The backchat will be in the nature of ‘solution finding’ – which means that I will in a slight yet clearly palpable experience of stress and worry find ways out of this fear experience – I will place myself in future positions and difficulties and come up with innovative ways to deal with the point. Though – the problem is that this entire inner exploration of solutions isn’t really about solutions – it’s about stress and worry – and my continuation in this form of backchat merely puts fuel on the fire.

So, what I see is that I must become even more strict with myself in regards to not going into these inner discussions – and instead I must practice and push myself to catch that first and initial thought that arise within me that otherwise will place me in the pattern of stress and worry. Here it’s important for me to understand that thinking about these things WILL NOT HELP – it won’t make the challenges and difficulties of life go away – it will not save me from this world – because that is an idea that me as well as many of us carry around.

We somehow believe that thinking about things will ameliorate the issues, and that when we go into our minds and look for ‘solutions’ – that we’re actually creating something that will be able to utilize in the future to make our lives more effective – though in most instances the only thing we do when we visit our minds in this way is that we fuel the initial experience, the emotion or feeling that was triggered at the outset – and we don’t reach any form of conclusion or insight – we just think about the point – missing the life that is here before us.

Thus – this idea of believing that thinking somehow benefits me, and makes life easier for me, and that without thinking, I wouldn’t be able to see, and find effective solutions for myself, and direct myself in my day-to-day living – that is what I will work with in this blog – to within this develop a clear understanding that the thoughts that arise within me do only have one purpose – and one design – and that is to keep me locked into a constant state of energy and experience so that I won’t step out and see that there is another way of life possible – a way of life that is based on physical living – a life that is stable and the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that through thinking about the future, and through creating these apparent solutions in my mind, where I dwell in problems in my mind, churning them over and over again, that this helpful for me – and that this assists and supports me in life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this thinking in-fact doesn’t lead to anything of worth and value what-so-ever – that the only thing I am producing with this thinking is more anxiety, more fear, more worry – and even more problems to take into account

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself when and as I notice that my backchat take the form of thinking about the future, trying to establish solutions to problems that I’ve imagined in my mind, problems that I fear and experience a worry towards, and then try to remove, and push away through thinking about them, and establishing these strategic plans and tactical maneuvers – so that I can avoid any such situation coming into my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that thinking about these fears will not solve the issue, because the problem must be dealt with at it’s core, and the problem that I am facing here is that I’m still carrying around with and generating large amounts of fear, and thus I see, realize and understand that the real solution must be where I target this initial origin problem, where I stop the participation in any form of thought, or backchat that lead into creating more energy, and where I as such make it a priority for myself to stabilize myself in this regard

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed thinking about the future and how it might possibly be difficult for me to get a job close to where I live – and get a job that I will be able to effectively sustain my life upon – and this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a character and way of attempting to deal with this – as thinking about what I can possibly do if I find myself in such a situation – how I can possibly deal with the situation – how I can possibly find a way out – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the problem at it’s core and it’s origin – which is the initial thought of worry and doubt that comes up within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ending up in a position where my life is being compromised on several levels, and in several dimensions – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to commute long distances in the future – in the fear that I won’t in such circumstances have the necessary time to devote to myself and my process – and the things in life that are my responsibilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will in the future not have the necessary time to devote to my process – my partner – and interests as well as hobbies – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear and anxiety that my work is going to eat up my time – and that it’s going to devour and suffocate my beingness and expression – and that there won’t be anything left of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that in the future – I will end up in a position and state where I feel that I don’t have enough room – and space to develop myself – and place attention to the things that I like to do – and enjoy to do – and hope that I will be able to do in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing the freedom to choose – to fear loosing the freedom to build and create my life according to the hopes and desires that I’ve created in my childhood – such as having a lifestyle of me being FREE – of my life being easy and comfortable – and me being able to dedicate my time and effort to the things that I like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my lifestyle in the future will be rigorous – that it will require discipline – and that I am very specific with what I do with the little pastime that I do possess – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my ability to choose and decide what to do with my life – how much leisure time that I have – how much pastime that I place into things that I enjoy and fancy doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stepping into the adult world of making money – having a family – and working in the system – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will loose myself in this entire process and machinery – that my beingness and expression will become lost in all the duties, responsibilities, commitments, and requirements – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach my future in fear – instead of approaching it within and as courage and stability – instead of realizing that regardless of what I will face – I do have the necessary tools – I do have the necessary skills to be able to deal with the points and establish a solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a child, and fear building my own house, and settling down with my partner, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it will become a too demanding and strenuous burden – that it will suck the life out of me – suck the enjoyment out of me – and disable me from being able to do anything of significance and worth with my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of fear of going into and embracing my future and my life – believing that I will most certainly loose myself – instead of making the commitment that regardless of what I face – I will stand – and I will move – and I will make sure that I nourish and substantiate my relationship with myself – and that I take care of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing and leading a life that is swamped with responsibilities – commitments – duties and obligations – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my freedom – to fear loosing time that I can use towards anything that I’d like – to fear that my life will become a prison where I can’t do anything that I’d like to – and that I can’t create and build anything that I’d like to – because there is no time – there is no opportunity – there is no freedom for me to be able to create such a point – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is in-fact a fear – and that it’s not a reality – that I don’t know what my future will bring – and that it’s as such completely unnecessary to exist within and as this constant and continuous state of fear towards it

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that a problem comes up within me, a picture of the future where I see myself being dissatisfied and out of time, stressed and having lost my freedom, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this picture that comes up within me is a thought, and that if I follow it I am going to create consequences for myself such as fear, and anxiety, thus I commit myself to push through my curiosity and desire to go into that thought, and find solutions to the apparent problem it presents – and I commit myself to stabilize myself HERE within and as my human physical body – within and as breath – and walk HERE – participate HERE – and face my future within and as breath

I commit myself to embrace responsibilities, commitments, duties and obligations – to not anymore fear loosing my freedom and ability to do what I want – but to realize that in order to have an impact I require to give up my self-interest – and thus give up my desire to be able to choose what to do with my life – and thus I commit myself to face the point of giving up my hopes for a easy life – and instead walk into a life of making sure that I do whatever is required to bring forth a new existence that is best for all

I commit myself to immediately stop when there is stress and worry arising within me, to not try to find solutions and ways out of these apparent problems, but to instead stop and then let go – to stop and then stabilize myself HERE – and thus I commit myself to trust myself that when I walk into my future I will direct the points that emerge effectively – I will trust myself and make the best of the situation – make the best of myself – thus I commit myself to stop fear and instead give my attention to living and breathing – and creating myself here within and as the physical