Tag Archives: letting go

Day 156: How Fitting In Is Really A Form of Fear

Yesterday I wrote about the point of fitting in, and today I am going to expand on this, and specifically look at the point of socializing, talking, and interacting, which is something that I often feel quite a discomfort towards doing – particularly when its with people that I have no close relationship with and that I don’t know particularly well. This fits in with the fitting in point, because I’ve realized, that when I worry, and feel uncomfortable around others, I loose my self-expression, and self-enjoyment, and these points are the fuel for socialization – because when I accept and allow myself to enjoy myself, and talk without fear, uninhibited, and without worry – that’s when I can socialize effectively.

I’ve also realized how much I accept and allow myself to become influenced by how I believe that others feel about me – for example – I will express myself in a situation openly, and playfully, and within that see that my expression isn’t positively received by those in my world – and in doing that I will start to become worried that there is something I’ve done wrong, that there is something I’ve not expressed correctly or as I should express it, and then I begin to suppress my self-expression, instead of realizing the simple point that – everybody will not like me – everybody will not feel pleasurable when I speak, and express myself – though that is not something that I can accept and allow to hold me back in life, because in doing that, I would live a life of suppressing myself and my natural self-expression, which is not something that I want to do.

So, what I am going to do in this blog is to apply self-forgiveness on the fears I have of other people, and also of accepting and allowing myself to become influenced by how I believe that others feel about me, and experience me – and I will also anchor this point in the physical through redefining the word self-confidence – because that is what I see that I lack – the self-confidence to be comfortable with myself, to trust myself, and to enjoy myself with others – and to not accept and allow how others experience themselves to effect how I experience myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approaching others, and talking with others as myself in natural self-expression, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within me, and an idea that my natural self-expression is not acceptable, its not cool, and its not likable, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hold myself back when and as I am communicating and interacting with others, in the belief that when I share myself I am not doing it correctly, and appropriately and as I apparently should do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being excommunicated, and fear that someone will think that I am immature, and childish when I am expressing myself, and that I am not following the social rules, norms, and regulations of how I should express myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself, and hold myself back in fear of what others are going to think about me, instead of me accepting and allowing myself to expand, and be confident in myself, and stand stable regardless of what others might think about me, or how others might perceive me, or how they might experience me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried when I speak with others, and hold myself on leash, wherein I am in a constant state of worry, and fear that I am going to say something that will be experienced in a wrong way, and that another will due to what I have said or expressed form a belief and idea of me that I am not likable, and that they don’t want to have anything to do with me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back around others, and suppress myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express myself, and approach others from within and as a starting point of wanting to fit in, and wanting to be accepted, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am approaching a moment from within and as this starting point, I am in-fact suppressing myself, and I am not accepting and allowing myself to be unconditional, and to be open, and to be myself with and around others – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push through my fear, and stand up within myself, and practice approaching communication, and interaction with others from within and as a starting point of self-confidence, and self-trust, and that I like myself, and stand with myself, regardless of how another feel about me, or what another experience in relation to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be unconditional and open in my expression when and as I approach others, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto insecurities and fears, and think that I am loner, and that I don’t have what it takes to be comfortable around others, and express myself with others, and that what I should do instead, is that I should hold myself back, and contain myself, and make sure that I just keep everything neutral and harmonious around me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear embracing my natural and flowing self-expression in the moment, and fear accepting and allowing myself to come out, and be myself with others – in the belief that myself is not appropriate and is not cool – and that myself as natural self-expression is not sufficiently well adopted and groomed for the social settings that I interact and move myself within and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I approach people in my world, to see them as my enemies, and to see them as people that are out to get me, and that I because of this require to hold myself back, and contain myself, and make sure that I am not to open, and to expressive, because then they might attack me and bring me down, or make me emotional, or sad, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself, and stand with myself, and support myself in moments with others, through accepting and allowing myself to express myself, communicate, and interact with others as myself, being natural, and effortless in my participation, and not accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when I make mistakes, but rather stand up immediately and get on it again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself through judging myself, and thinking that I have in moments expressed myself in a way that is wrong, and that because of this, nobody likes me, and nobody wants to be around me anymore, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me suppressing myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I’ve taken it personally, and that I begun judging myself, when and as I’ve perceived that others haven’t liked me, or experienced themselves positively around me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself through this point of taking it personally, and judging myself, and instead approach every moment, and every interaction with new eyes, and accepting and allowing myself to open up, be expressive, share myself, and enjoy myself with others without fear, or anxiety, or worry or concern

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and be hard on myself when I suppress myself, and when I hold myself back, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea, and belief that I should be able to immediately and without practice, and without walking a physical process of self-correction, express myself naturally and effortlessly around others, instead of realizing and understanding, that in order to create and live myself as this point of expression – I require to actively and continuously push myself in each and every moment of interaction and participation to be here – to speak – to share – and to be open to what is here in this moment

Self-commitments

I commit myself to practice living self-confidence, which I will do through approaching situations, and social interactions within me being open, expressive, and within that participate without fear, worry or concern, and instead accept and allow myself to share myself as my natural self-expression here in every moment of breath

I commit myself to practice living self-confidence as not accepting and allowing myself to be influenced, or to suppress, and withhold myself, when and as I see that someone is reacting to me, and how I share and express myself, but instead continue to move, and continue to express and be here – stable, and consistent within and as myself and not accept and allow myself to take it personally and judge myself when I notice that I am not liked by another; because I see, realize and understand that its not about being liked – its instead about me living, sharing and expressing myself fully – and not accepting and allowing myself to hold myself back in fear of what others might think about me

I commit myself to push myself to expand my social circles through communicating with new people – through striking up conversations with others when I see that there is a opportunity to do so – and as such push myself out of my shyness and fear bubble – and realize that I must make the decision to walk and apply this correction continuously – and accept and allow myself to seclude myself in a worry and fear bubble

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Day 154: Letting Go of a Past Moment

During this last week I’ve had a couple of instances where I forget things, or miss things, or make unnecessary and preventable mistakes, and I looked at where this came from – and I saw that it came from a tendency I have to think about, analyze, and become preoccupied with events and situations that occur in my life.

For example, as I was eating together with a couple of friends, I was discussing and sharing some realizations that I have had, and as the moment was done – and I was supposed to move into a new moment, with my full awareness, and presence being here with me, I instead started to think about, analyze, and pick apart the moment that had already passed, which had the consequence of me not being aware, present, and able to direct the new moment that had entered my world.

What I want to practice living is focus, as well as presence, and live that in such a way, so that when I am done with a moment, I unconditionally move myself to the next moment, and completely let go of the past – and then – if I decide to do so – I can revisit the moment that had passed when I am in a position to do so, for example, as I am lying in my bed, ready to go to sleep, or sitting by my computer writing myself out – though – it’s not appropriate or effective to look at passed moments when I am in the middle of my life, having responsibilities and commitments that I require to direct, to in such a moment start looking at a past moment – because in those situations I require to have my entire awareness and presence here with my human physical body – and with what I am doing here – if I don’t I can obviously manifest dire consequences for myself, which is not necessary at all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I require to be present, aware and here when and as I am moving myself throughout my life, and that it can have consequences if I do not push myself to remain here – within and as breath – moving myself with what is here and having full attention upon my physical body – and my physical world – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang unto past moments, and take past moments into my mind and start to analyze them, and think about them, and pick them apart, instead of moving myself HERE within and as breath, within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate my attention from myself, my physical body, and my physical world, through participating in a state of analyzing, and picking apart past moments, and evaluating my performance in these moments, instead of realizing, that this is a thing that I can’t do when I walk in my life, and participate in this reality, because I require to be on my toes, cautious and present of what is going on, and if I don’t push myself to walk this I will create consequences for myself, which is totally unnecessary, because I can just immediately apply and walk this realization that when I am out and about, moving and participating, I require to have my presence HERE on what I am doing in this very moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I fall in a moment, I can’t start thinking about it, because that might have consequences, as I require to be here in my world, and direct myself to take care of my responsibilities, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself to give me some time each day where I do allow myself to bring up past moments, and look at who I am within them, and look at corrections, and solutions, that I am able to apply to correct these moments and who I am within them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to let go of each moment that I’ve lived, no matter how reactive I’ve been in that moment, to let it go, and then at a later stage, when I do have the time, and when the situation is appropriate, to bring myself back to that moment, and walk it through, and define a correction and solution for myself

Self-commitments

I commit myself to practice letting go of past moments immediately as I’ve walked them through, and bring myself back here to what I am doing, and be here in the present with myself, and have my complete attention here on what I am doing

I commit myself to direct myself to give myself the time each day to look at my day, to look at reactions, and experiences, and define solutions, and corrections for myself – and thus – make sure that I directively make the decision to bring a past moment here for me to look at it and walk through in writing and self-forgiveness

I commit myself to live focus practically in my world, through making sure that I have my attention placed HERE on what I am doing in every moment, and make sure that I don’t preoccupy myself with anything in my mind, but that my complete presence, and awareness is instead located, and focused, and placed here with myself

Day 10: When Fear Disappears

I’ve now been to the university for about two years, and during this time I’ve had many realizations about what it means to communicate, and interact with other people – and recently I’ve had a break-through in relation to this point – and this is what I will share here.

When I first came to the university I found it to be a cold, and desolate place – apparently it was superficial, shallow, and I couldn’t meet any people that was like me – because I was apparently different – now – this was my experience of the university.

At first I blamed the university for my experience – I said within myself that “everyone in this place are so fearful of each-other” – in order to justify the experience of fear that I had within myself, and in order to have some type of excuse as to why I wasn’t pushing myself to get into the university environment so to speak – in terms of actually pushing myself to develop some relationships, and get myself out there.

I walked this behavior pattern of feeling that I was alone, and different – not only in my university environment – but also – in essence – in every other environment that I came into contact with in my life – and within this I didn’t want to recognize one simple point – that it was I that was responsible for my own experience of myself – and that it was I that was responsible for me not communicating with anyone, and for me finding my day-to-day living to lack social interaction with others.

freefromfearThankfully I’ve enrolled into Desteni I Process – which is a course that Desteni offers that assist self to see where self is holding unto limitation, and fear – and within walking this course, together with writing my Journey To Life blog – I’ve now managed to get myself out of this state of blame, as thinking that the reason for my life being uneventful, and without interaction – is due to my environment – and not due to me. Within this a fascinating thing has occurred – I’ve actually begun to push myself to get out there – to speak – to interact – and to dare to face my innate tendency to be passive, and remain in the rear.

Thus – what has happened through me writing my blogs, and walking the Desteni I Process course, is that fear has begun to subside – and really – I experience this as a blanket that has been removed from my eyes, and that I am finally able to see all the opportunities, and all the adventures that exists here in this very moment – that are in my life, and that are ready to be walked.’

Before – I would never have considered taking the initiative to go and speak to someone that I do not know, or to when and as I see some people speaking with each-other in a group, to go and join them – and communicate, and share myself – I mean this was unthinkable for me – and the reason for this is because I’ve existed in so much fear, and so much anxiety – and it’s really only now – that I can see how extensive my fear, and anxiety have been through-out my life – and how much this have ruined for me in terms of living a fulfilling, and enjoyable life.

Thus – one could say that I am now harvesting the fruits of my hard labor – my hard labor being that of committing myself to do my daily writings, and to walk my Desteni I Process lessons, and to not give up when it get’s tough – but to keep on pushing – and keep on walking – and within this I’ve also seen how all the effort I’ve placed into my process of birthing myself as life – has been so totally worth every minute, and every sweat on my brow – because to live without fear, and anxiety – that is really the coolest, and most enjoyable things that I’ve experienced so far in my life.

One point that I regret though is that I didn’t give this to me earlier! I mean – WHY did I walk my life up to the age of 25 years old in fear, anxiety, worry, and nervousness? How come nobody taught me the simplicity of living within breath, and living without self-judgment, and self-hatred? This is obviously nothing I am able to change – yet I am able to make sure that nobody else have to walk through what I had to walk through – meaning – growing up in a world where there is no support, and assistance in relation to creating an effective relationship with self – and accordingly I’ve committed myself to give up this one life, and walk this life to create a world system that is best for all – wherein all will be given the education of what it means to fully live, and express yourself; as such I’ve devoted my life to bring about a equal money system.

Within this I am able to see that I’ve only yet started my journey to realizing what it means to really live – I’ve transcended some fears, some anxieties – but I mean – there is so much more to discover – so much more to learn! Thus – seeing how I’ve changed in these years walking with Desteni, walking my Journey to Life blogs, and my DIP – I can conclude that it’s really a amazing journey that I’ve walked, and that it only get’s better the more of myself that I invest into it – the more I immerse myself into the process of birthing myself as life from the physical – the more intriguing, fascinating, and completely amazing becomes the journey of discovering what life is all about.

Though – obviously – within this I don’t want to give the impression that walking the process of birthing self from the physical is in anyway easy, or effortless – it’s absolutely not – it’s the most difficult, and arduous thing I’ve ever done; yet – the rewards for walking through the difficulties are so amazing that it simply can’t be envisioned – it must be experienced – it must be lived.

Thus – at the moment – my experience of the university has changed drastically – I do not anymore experience my school as a cold, boring, unfriendly, and callous place – I experience it as a point wherein I am able to be social with others, and enjoy myself – and to explore new relationships, and communicate with others – my prime experience is not anymore fear, worry, or nervousness – instead I experience a sense of calm – and within this I am able to actually explore, and investigate what is here – and to focus upon that which is here as my reality – and have always been here – and not be so strung up, and lost in my own world – my own fear – and my own experiences; I’m turning my eyes into the physical – and out from the realms of the mind.

If you haven’t started writing your JtL-blog – or haven’t yet signed up for DIP I suggest that you do so – as this will really be the best gift you can ever give to yourself – the process is difficult, but the result of your efforts will literally blow your mind – as that is what has happened to me – and this is a good thing.

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I Want Everyone To Like Me!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a character of fear, and anxiety when I start school – as fearing to meet new people – as fearing to make myself look inadequate and stupid in-front of new people – worrying that my reputation, and how others talk about me might become negative – instead of accepting and allowing myself to let go of all fears, and express myself here as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear that I am not being seen enough, and by a sufficient amount of people – and that I as such will be forgotten, and not be popular – but be one of those people that nobody see – and nobody know – existing within and as a character of being a socialite – wherein I want to know that others know about me – in fear that unless others know about me I will be useless – instead of accepting and allowing myself to stop worrying about how others see me, or interpret me – and instead live HERE one and equal as my human physical body – and see, realize and understand that when I exist up there in my head in worry and fear – I am missing out on precious breathing moments here with myself – as physical moments of interaction here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as worry, and fear of introducing myself to other people – and exist within and as fear and fear – then when I meet other people that they will instantly dislike me, and decide that they do not want to be with me – instead of accepting and allowing myself to stop worrying about how I am perceived in social contexts – and instead accept and allow myself to move myself here with breath – to participate without thoughts – with self-interest – as defining me as someone that apparently needs a certain social setting to be comfortable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live and apply myself as the self-independence and self-reliance that I’ve observed in cats – as cats have the ability to move from one environment to the other – and interact with new beings – without the slightest worry and fear that they will be disliked by the beings with which they participate – as the are totally self-reliant, and live self-independence here – not requiring or needing any form of validation or comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I meet new people, and find myself in situations of interacting/speaking with other human beings – to go into and as the fear that I will not be accepted – and start to think about what value and worth I have in relation to other human beings – and where I am placed within and as the “social hierarchy” that I’ve made up in my mind – not seeing, realizing and understanding that all of my experience – all of my ideas are not real – they are merely interpretations that I’ve superimposed unto this physical reality – instead of living and applying myself here – ONE and EQUAL as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk myself as a fake-face – as accepting and allowing myself to speak in a fake voice – to speak as being fake interested in others – to speak as being fake excited, or worried – or annoyed with certain points in my world – only in order to get into a group, and get to be recognized by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop when I see that I am speaking and interacting from within and as a starting point of wanting to be accepted and validated by a group of people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the technique of complaining – and gossiping about certain points in my world, and reality – in order to create relationships with other beings – so that I will not feel alone, and left-out – instead of bringing myself back here to this physical reality – and walking myself one and equal as the physical – seeing, realizing and understanding that I can’t ever be secluded – or left-out – as I am here as the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others that express themselves more lively, and fearless than me – and think that such people are better than me – and possess a quality that make them better than me – instead of accepting and allowing myself to stop comparing myself with others, and instead focus upon discovering myself as a physical being HERE – stop worrying about how I am perceived and whether I am good, or not good – and instead walk, and apply myself HERE as the physical one and equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make interacting, and participating with other human beings into a energy-game where I will attempt and try to gain the attention and recognition of others – and wherein I will try and attempt to be seen, and validated by others – wherein I will compromise and suppress myself in order to be seen as normal, and as fun to be with and around – instead of accepting and allowing myself to stop compromising myself – stop thinking that I have to fit in – stop thinking that there is something wrong with me when I am not able to speak, and communicate about the same points as everyone else – and instead of attempting and trying to be like others – to instead accept and allow myself to be like – and get to know myself as a physical being here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried that I will be forgotten by others – and that I will be rejected by others – and to try and attempt to stop this from happening – compromise and suppress myself – wherein I will speak, and move myself from within and as a starting point of fear – and anxiety – and inferiority – and worry – as fearing that I will one day be alone and without any company – instead of accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as all-one – to accept the fact that I am not like everyone else – as I am here – walking breath – as ME – as a individual – and that as such – it’s nothing strange, or weird, or bad – that I won’t be able to create a relationship with each individual in my world – as I simply do not fit – exist within and as the same position as others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is something wrong with me unless I am able to communicate with, and entertain – and create a relationship with every being that is in my world – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding – that there is nothing bad – there is nothing wrong – it’s simply that there is no point of common interest, or connection – and that this is nothing bad, or wrong – and that I don’t have to force myself to communicate with such a being – but that I can simply let it go and remain here as breath – and walk self-honesty in every moment

I commit myself to walk self-honesty – and as such not try and attempt to force myself to communicate and create relationships with beings that I do not share any common interest – or point of connection with – and as such I commit myself to breath and participate within and as the interactions that emerge here naturally as me

I commit myself to walk self-honesty – as not emulating myself to fit into – and mold myself to become accepted by others – but instead walk here as a real being and as such form real relationships – with beings that I share points of interest with – or that I am simply able to speak, and share myself with as myself – as the real me – wherein I don’t have to emulate, or change myself – or speak about things that I really do not care about – only in order to hold unto a idea of a relationship with another being

I commit myself to form relationships with others HERE as myself as breath – wherein I as such commit myself to live REAL to be REAL – and to walk myself as REAL here – and as such communicate for real – as breath – as not preparing myself to speak – as not looking in myself what I can speak with another about – but accepting and allowing myself to flow, and interact fluidly here

I commit myself to when I notice that I go into the fear of not being accepted – the fear of not having sufficient with relationships – the fear of not being liked – that I immediately stop myself, take a deep breath and bring myself back here to the physical – and that I instead walk myself HERE as a physical being – and that I appreciate myself here – that I am grateful for myself here – and that I enjoy myself here – whether I am all-one – or I interacting with others

I commit myself to remain the same – constant – yesterday, today and tomorrow – whether I speak, and interact with others – or whether I am by myself in my apartment – or whether I am out walking on the town; and as such I commit myself to stop looking for something more – to stop believing that I am insufficient and that I require to form relationships to grow myself – and I instead commit myself to participate with other from a starting point of: “I am satisfied with myself here and I don’t require another to give me comfort, and surety – as I am here

I commit myself to stop attempting, and trying to force relationships in my world – to force myself to speak, and interact – and as I notice that I do so – to immediately stop myself, take a deep breath and bring myself back here – and walk myself as breath as the physical – enjoying myself HERE – appreciating myself HERE – and being satisfied with myself HERE

Laughing and Letting Go

So, yesterday I went to buy a protection thing to my grass trimmer. As I entered into the store, firstly, I felt quite uncomfortable when the man mentioned my presence as,  ‘the one with the book’ – and asked my ‘why I read so much?’. Though, I was close to compromise myself and in this moment go into a possession of attempting to be acceptable to another – I breathed and I let go of that tenseness that became overwhelming in that moment.

In the next moment I was discussing with the man about the protective gear – it turned out that I already had cool gear at home. I asked him to assist me in confirming this through showing me the gear he had, so I could compare it to the one I had. I did this and I found out that – indeed – I had cool gear at home. When this was revealed I began to laugh, and the man said, ‘You’ve come here twice and gone home with nothing at all’. It was in this moment that I became intensely uncomfortable, as I laughed. I walked past a man as I laughed and was gripped with a fear and a nervousness – I experienced a doubt as to if I should look at him or not – as I walked past I turned my head down towards the ground and slouched my neck – I saw this as a point of hiding myself, and a point of inferiority.

So the question is – what was it that really happened? Why did I experience these things? I mean, maybe why is a unnecessary question – I did experience these things – as a physical uncomfortable experience of myself. It was all based in fear, that I am certain of – so instead of attempting to figure out – the best thing that I can do is to deal with it through self-forgiveness.

1.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I am laughing

2.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of letting go and laugh close to people

3.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be up-tight around people and fear letting go – fear accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself

4.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having fun and being one and equal here in a moment – physically close to another

5.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being abused if I laugh, to fear being attacked if I laugh, to fear that I am going to become hurt when I laugh

6.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will become jealous at me when they see I appreciate and enjoy myself – in fear that they will abuse me and attack me

7.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loving myself and showing to others that I love myself – in fear that they will become jealous and angry and attack me

8.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting others

9.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others think that I am weak and not good enough – to think that others consider me as strange and stupid

10. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others consider me as inferior to them

11. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting and allowing myself to let go and be here – to fear that if I accept and allow myself to let go and be here – that other’s will use this to their advantage and find points of weakness in me and attack me

12. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being up-tight, to fear not being ready and prepared at all times to be abused, so that I can protect myself through always having control as to the picture I present to the world

13. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not always having control of how I present myself to the world

14. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear laughing in fear that I won’t be able to control how I am seen by others – how others feel when they hear me laugh and when they see me laugh

15. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of control – to fear letting go of up-tightness and always trying to make sure that I am in control and know what is going to be happen in the next moment

16. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be in control – to make sure that I know how others are going to act towards me – what others are going to say towards me – what others are going to think towards me and feel towards me – instead of accepting and allowing myself to let go and share myself unconditionally in this moment

17. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing myself – in fear that nobody will like me

18. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear opening myself up to another – in fear that they won’t like me

19. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being open and vulnerable to another – in fear that they are going to abuse me – and that they are not going to like me

20. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that another is going to find me to be stupid

21. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that another is going to see me as being feminine and weak when I share myself unconditionally – when I am vulnerable and open here

22. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being open and vulnerable – to fear accepting and allowing myself to enjoy the people in my reality – to appreciate the people in my reality – and express myself here as breath as equal and one

23. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being innocent

24. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of fear – to fear letting go of attempting to protect myself from my world – in the belief that my world can abuse and harm me

25. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my world can harm me – can abuse me – can destroy me – when I share myself here as breath – as openness – as vulnerability – as innocence

26. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being real – to fear caring about myself and another as myself – to fear being intimate with another

27. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being close to another – to fear being intimate and real with another – to fear showing myself without any masks – without any role – and without protecting myself

28. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to become abused when I show myself without any masks – without any protection – without any attempt to be anything more or less than me here as breath

29. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not looking male

30. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that males will think that I am gay – or weak – or stupid – when I share myself as vulnerability – as innocence – as here as breath

31. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go in fear that I will loose myself

32. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting and allowing myself to trust myself – in fear that I will loose myself

33. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting and allowing myself to see another – to stand equal with another in this moment – to stand without any separation with myself – equal as here as breath in a moment shared with another

34. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear laughing for real

35. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear showing who I am towards another – to fear showing the real me – and not hide behind a show

36. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting to know another – to fear being real towards another and opening myself up – sharing myself unconditionally – without any walls with another

37. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself and isolate myself petrified of being abused

38. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified towards being abused

39. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified towards being harmed or attacked by another

40. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and become petrifaction

I am here

I accept and allow myself to live vulnerability, openness, sharing, and innocence

I share myself here as breathe with no walls – with no role – with no masks – I am here open – vulnerable – clear

I accept and allow myself to live with no fear

I do not accept and allow myself to separate myself from this moment – from others – in fear of being abused or harmed –as I realize I can’t be abused or harmed – as such I share myself here as equality – I accept and allow myself to be intimate with others

I am self-intimacy

I accept and allow myself to experience and live intimacy with others and myself as myself

I let go and accept and allow myself to trust myself in the moment – stop worrying – stop fearing – and instead breathe and trust myself here

Let it Fall Where it will Fall — Implications of Unconditional Love

So, I will in this blog dissect a youtube comment from a spiritual person and I will through this show how the ‘live and let go’ attitude of the light and love gang, is in-fact detrimental and harmful to earth and it’s inhabitants. The belief in ‘letting another being find his own way’ or ‘whatever makes your boat float’ as ‘unconditional love’ is actually not love at all, as I will reveal.

See – if you simply accept and allow people to do whatever the fuck they want to do – we end up in a world that is as the one we live in today. A world filled with abuse, bullying, deception and suffering.

So, let’s take a look at the comment now.

“[…] I help people everyday through talking to them and allowing them to come to their own conclusions – a true teacher allows their students to learn in their own time with only just a little guidance from those older and wiser than them. […]”

Aright, let’s begin.

Firstly, the author of this comment says that he allows his students to come to their own conclusions. Sounds so nice right? Like a real nice dude that let’s you think, behave, and exist in whatever way pleases you. But, let’s look at the implications of such a statement. If a student comes to the conclusion that he would like to rape women, murder them and bury them in a forest – is this then okay? The spiritualists would like to have you think that it’s okay, because apparently you must love everyone, respect their beliefs, because apparently everyone will find their own path to the truth – my god, such fucking bullshit.

I mean, look at where this bullshit belief and lived out behavior of unconditional love has taken us. We’ve accepted and allowed the world to be infested with parasites called capitalists, criminals called politicians, murderers called businessmen, terrorists called kings and queens, slave masters called teachers and judges – and in this process we’ve rendered the world completely useless as a supportive and habitable home.

And why has it become like this you might ask? Because we’ve given room for evil to exist, in our apparently benevolent stand wherein we’ve said ‘let if fall where it will fall’, we’ve become perpetrators to the extinction of life from the face of the planet earth. In our apathy, in our cowardice, evil has become the one principle by which people live and exist, as is seen by the fact that starvation, slavery, poverty, child-abuse, violence in the homes, alcohol, drugs, disease and death are common events in our world. Where did the real benevolence go? And what is real benevolence? Could we somehow have avoided reaching this point at which we find ourselves today, wherein each day is a struggle and fight for survival, because each and everyone has been taught and instructed since childhood to compete and raise themselves towards the top at the cost of others?

Obviously this could have been avoided. If we would have lived the realization that what I accept and allow another to live out, will eventually come and bite me in the ass, as neither him nor I is separate or apart from reality, instead we share it collectively. Thus – what I accept and allow the collective to live and exist as will also influence and have an effect upon my life and experience of myself.

So, if I accept and allow people to come to their own conclusions, mind-fucking myself to believe that I am apparently doing something good for them, while clearly seeing that their conclusion doesn’t support themselves or anyone else, I am in-fact creating hell, as I accept and allow evil to reign instead of common sense.

Thus, spiritualists and unconditional lovers – hear me. Let go of this bullshit called unconditional love, we need to stop being passive, apathetic, so gotdamn nice and respectable towards each other and instead show that there is a line that shall not be crossed – and that is the line of doing towards another what you would not have liked to be done unto you – which is abuse and bullying.

To learn more about the principle of what is best for all and how to live and apply this principle in a actual and practical way – check out desteni I process.

Until next time!

The machine and the Animal

Who am I, I always asked myself? What am I to do? Is this what I should do, to get myself through? I looked at the world with big round eye’s, where is the point, where is the place, where is my face. It all feel’s so soft, so easy to break. And I jumped into the lake, as I laughed with animals, and I played with cold sea. Substance they said, but I was fed, to much of the shit, to much of the ideas and assumptions of the past. And when I shut my ears, they slapped me over my hands, they forced my eye’s open, only to give me all their fears.

I went from a animal to a machine, nothing is what it seems. I look human, because I have skin and bone, but inside me there is just machinery, and I am not home. I used to be a screaming wild burst of joy, but then I got fed the lies of the world, and I made myself a toy. A toy to this world, that needs new slaves, that makes claims, and play’s games. And people are the batteries that power a giant casino, a giant ball, it calls itself the call. And it takes you on a ride, for either a jackpot or a fall. And then you die, that is where we all end up. From animal, to machine, and back to dust. And the time in between we spend lost in temptation and lust.

Animal is what I truly am, I am a screaming bundle of joy, I love to create and I love to destroy. I am here, expressing myself fully, as a small boy. And if you look into his eye’s, you see nothing but here. You see a total standing with no fear. The eye’s are big, and they take in the entire world, as the expression moves in ecstasy and hurls and twirls. A total craze of eternal joy, as he runs screaming at the top of his lungs. Nobody can stop him, and he’s no one’s slave, you can’t tell him to not misbehave. He has no fear of death, and no knowledge, and he can’t think. He’s what we all fear, he’s the eternal joy of being here.