Tag Archives: life

Day 372: Bringing Life Here

When things get too much, then focus on the small. One thing at a time. That is how movement is accumulated – we do one thing – then we do the next thing. Sometimes it is not possible to have overview, it is not possible to be in control over a series of events – however – we are always in control in THIS moment. In this movement we can decide who we are – and we can decide to move ourselves into the direction that we want to go.

I cannot walk my life effectively trying holding a image/projection in-front of my eyes, believing that I need to manifest that projection into reality – moving with that picture as a target my decisions become inflexible. I miss what is HERE in-front of me and start to move with a erratic frenzy. Life is HERE and hence it must be DIRECTED here – it cannot be lived as a picture – because that is not the nature of LIFE.

Goals can be defined and plans can be scripted – though it will only remain a plan and a goal – not LIFE. It is important to not confuse a goal and a plan with life. The former is used to find direction – the latter is what it is all about and cannot be defined within the limited confines of a goal and a plan. Hence it is important to never have the plan and the goal supersede what is happening in this moment – because it can all change – in one breath.

Real stability, clarity and overview is in the moment – it is HERE – it cannot be placed on a paper – it cannot be constructed – it must be LIVED – one moment – HERE – I see. And this is cool – because whenever stability, clarity and overview is missing – it does not mean that we have to arduously walk a long process until these points can be brought here – rather we can bring stability, clarity and overview – HERE – by making a decision to do so. And sometimes it might not be possible – and we need the tools of support such as writing and self-forgiveness – other times it is possible.

Because my life is so busy, with things, responsibilities, points to handle and direct constantly, I do not have the time to bring stability and clarity here through writing – I have to live it in the moment. Why wait for these things to come to me when I can decide to live that now?

 


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Day 371: Making The Ordinary, Extraordinary

This week I have been working with giving/creating purpose in my life – asking myself WHY? I learned this application in the following Eqafe interview:

In the interviews, the question is asked, what does it mean when we are depressed, demotivated and apathetic? It means that we are not giving purpose to ourselves and our lives – we are not making it MORE – but instead accepting and allowing it to just be handed to us – lived in a flow – and comfortably we swim with the stream. However – in swimming with the stream – we miss that point of making something MORE out of ourselves – and this is where the question, WHY, comes in.

An example from my own life is in the work I do. The WHY of my work is firstly, to earn money to support my family and I, secondly to support the people I encounter, and give them the best possible service and advice, so that they can create their lives to be the best that it can be, and thirdly, to learn more about this world, the system, and life in general – that is why I go to work. When I keep that in mind – the WHY – I become different – I act with more confidence, stride and direction.

Asking WHY is helpful especially with things that have become a routine, mundane and that we take for granted. Why are we in the relationship that we are in? Why do we have the hobbies that we have? Why do we eat a certain thing in the morning? Through questioning ourselves and our life we are able redefine and rediscover our purpose within it all – and it is by living with a purpose that we are able to establish substance, wealth, and greatness within ourselves and our life

However it does take discipline to question self and that which we have taken for granted. It is easy to fall into old tracks, and just go along with what is working – that is not the road the excellence. In order to attain excellence, depth is needed, it must be personal, it must be intimate and real – not just something that is done on a surface level. And that is unfortunately that is the case when I approach a part of my life without a clear purpose/direction/understanding within, my participation becomes surfaced.

Hence, is it is important to establish WHY – and not only walk through the motions of everyday life without any life movement/direction/creation. There is nothing wrong or bad about routines, though, when they become a purpose on their own, that is problematic – because that means we are not anymore directive.

What I do is that I make sure to make of all my routines/moments in my life. expansive and life-giving – I find the little seed of life and I nurture it. Regardless of what I am doing, there is always space for movement. Hence, when I drive, I use the time to introspect and apply self-forgiveness. When I take a shower, I push myself to be present in my body, explore breath, the physical sensations and enjoy the moment. Nearly moments, and everything we do on a daily basis, it can all be redesigned to have a supportive meaning that assists and supports us to grow. That however requires from ourselves that we are on our toes, present, here, and that we actively push to make something extraordinary out of the ordinary and trite.


Day 366: What is success to me?

What is success to me?

It is an important question, because unless I know and I am clear on what is success for me personally, then how will I be able to achieve it? It is not possible. I will instead chase mirages, success as defined and seen by others, and not live according to my self-honesty.

The question has arisen within me due to reactions that have come up within when I am confronted with friends, acquaintances, that I feel have begun to climb the ladder of success, and that has achieved positions of high stature. It could also be that they have achieved fame or notoriety in some other way. The reaction is still the same, it is that of jealousy and fear. Jealousy that I have not achieved their position, and fear that I might have wasted/missed my opportunities to place myself in such a successful point.

Thus, the fascinating thing is that my desire is not directed towards achieving their position from a point of wanting to have their experience, as could be the case if someone has a job that I would like and find interesting. My desire more has to do with gaining the position in order to impress upon and show others that I have been able to achieve such a position/standing of success. That is what it is all about, wanting the positive attention that I perceive someone is receiving in the particular position.

In analyzing this desire/jealousy and bringing it back to myself, I can conclude that I would not have experienced jealousy/desire if I would have felt that I am receiving a sufficient amount of attention/validation/confirmation in my current position. That begs the question, why is it that I feel I need my success/live/movement in this world to be validated by others? That is in-fact a serious limitation, as I will continuously only pursue that which I suspect I will be able to get my validation and attention. And when those things have subsided, I will drop my venture, and yet again go searching for a way to achieve the attention/validation/respect I feel that I deserve. I have played this loop out a couple of times.

The solution is to define my own success and to practice validating myself – to stop myself from comparing my life – what I do – my skills – my future – to that of others – as it will only ever cause me to go astray and miss what is important to me – what is my success. And there will obviously still be the temptation to continue in old tracks. Though it is clear that when I am constantly looking out there at what everyone else is doing, then how will I ever be able to focus at what I am doing? How will I be able to focus at where I want to go, what I want to do? It is not possible – hence the importance of letting others do what they are doing, and developing within me the skill of validating and recognizing myself.

What is success to me?

To me success is to care for myself and others. It is to choose a direction in life based on where I am able to best support myself and others to be the best they can be. Success to me is also to challenge the status quo and to contribute to a change in how the system operates. Further, it is a success for me to dedicate myself to my process of self-creation – to stick to this process, to continue to develop myself, to expand, to move and to walk it until it is done.

When I live these words in my life – that is success to me.

 


Day 363: Putting Some Color In Daily Living

Life is a lot about routines. It is a lot about doing the same thing over and over again with very little variance – unless – it is done differently. And this is what I want to pursue the coming week – create variance/exploration in the small and mundane – in that which recurs day after day, week after week.

What I have realized is that it is not possible to escape routine – it is a cemented part of daily living. We have to eat, we have to shit, we have to sleep. And then you have to survive, and there are many routine actions connected to survival; working, cooking, cleaning and so on. Then there are a few breaks from the routine. There are moments that can be spent on a hobby, on traveling and exploring, on moving out from the routine – though – seen as a whole – those moments are few and far in-between.

The main stream opinion is that routines are bad, limiting, confining, and that we need to escape them from time to time. Because the general view on routines are negative, a lot of people live out their lives in a fight against the routine that floods their lives. We sit by our desks at work the entire week longing to go somewhere else, and then when Friday arrives, we finally feel FREE – and we go out and party to break the monotonous daily struggle. Alcohol and other drugs are used to feel free, excited, special – something MORE than what we normally experience throughout the week.

In this blog however, I am going to advocate a different solution to routine. Firstly, I want to stress that routines are not bad. It is not the routine in itself that makes a moment uneventful and unexciting. Routines are merely, a part of life, and actually, they offer opportunities for us to practice and create INTEREST – real INTEREST – in the sense that we literally have to decide to be interested and present in what we are doing.

Secondly, it might be that it is exciting to do something different and live without routines, though routines do have a quality in that they bring stability and clarity. With a good routine, we can put our attention unto more important things. An example would be, that if we have a good routine when it comes to waking up and preparing for work, then we can instead put our attention/effort into being aware of the environment ad being more physical and grounded. Routines thus, are effective in establishing a solid structure, that can be used as a support to start developing internal living skills, such as presence. Having routines also makes life predictable. And while that might not be good every time, it is supportive when it comes to relationships and communication. Because with a good routine established, everyone involved knows what to do and what to expect – there are no surprises.

Thus, routines are cool – however – there is a problem if we accept and allow ourselves to become mentally and physically limited by our routines . When we do not allow ourselves to test something new, or when we are faced with something new, but we stick to our routine anyway, that causes problems, instead of being flexible and tackling the new issue with a new solution. Routines must not become a comfort zone and that can easily happen when we begin to trust our routines more than we trust ourselves. In such instances it can be scary to push beyond a routine and try something different – here its important to remember that it was us that created the routine and as such we are also able to create something new in its place.

For me lately I have faced the point of judging routines, and feeling limited, confined and held back by them. Obviously, this has to do with the point that I have recently become a father. My baby is very much bound and supported by having routines – which is why I have adapted and begun to create more of them. It is challenging in the sense that life without routines feels exciting, fresh and rejuvenated. Life with routines on the other hand can easily feel stuck, uninspiring and trite. What I have realized is that we do not have to experience routines like this. We are able to use the supportive stability and structure that routines offers while at the same time being inspired, refreshed and new. It is all a matter of changing our approach – our STARTING POINT to life – to routines as a matter of fact.

An example would be the following: I wake up on a Monday morning. My routine is to get out of bed, make breakfast, shower, dress and get to work. It is basically the same every day. However, each of these moments in my morning, even though I have lived them countless of times before, offers and opportunity for me to create something new. Let me take the first moment in my morning, get out of bed. That can be done in many ways. What I have done as of recent is to remain in my bed for a while after I have and give myself a moment to feel my body. To breathe, relax my muscles, and prepare myself for the day to come. To check in with myself and decide upon what words/expressions that I am going to push/pursue in the coming day.

Then with preparing and eating my breakfast. Here, what I have done is that I have covered myself with a blanket and eaten the breakfast in the sofa and pushed myself to relax and enjoy my breakfast. A moment of silence, breathing and preparing myself to go out into the world. At work, I have pushed myself to start taking walks each day after lunch – as a way to stretch my legs and support my general well being. And this is something I have had to will myself to do – because my tendency have been to feel that I do not have enough time to go for a walk. It is interesting how the mind works in this regard. The only thing that is seen as adding to productivity is that which is seen to have a direct connection with manifestation of a project/task. However, all of the soft values, such as feeling rested, replenished and rejuvenated, stretched and content in my body, those are not seen as important. That is obviously a mistake. For me, I can clearly see the difference in how I am a lot more efficient when I am rested and refreshed, compared to when I am stressed and strained.

Routines thus, they are meant to be redirected and walked within awareness. Supportive habits could be one of the most empowering things that I have experienced. Things that I do on a daily basis that supports the well being of me and others. Hence, I will not judge routines anymore, but rather learn to live with them and make the most of them.


Day 449: Taking My Surroundings For Granted

I talked with a neighbor not so long ago. He shared some of his history to the place where we are living. He said that he felt so privileged to be able to wake up each day and interact with this environment. As I listened to him I could see what he was saying and also that I have been taking my house, my environment, the basics of each day, for granted in may ways. Thus, my neighbor inspired me to look into this tendency of mine, to take things for granted.

I have realized that my tendency is to take the basic things in life for granted. Such as the environment where I live. I live far out on the country-side – our house is surrounded by fields and trees, and not so far away is a fresh water lake. It is marvelous and it has been very supportive for me to live here. It has assisted and supported me to slow down, to ground myself, to become more stable. And, it has offered me many opportunities to expand on my interest in nature and in handcrafting. However, even though it is pretty amazing, I still take it for granted from time to time.

The primary reason that I have found as to why I take it for granted is because I become too involved in the thoughts in my mind, the useless, daily conversations taking place inside of my head, that lead nowhere. Instead of smelling the fresh air, and allowing my eyes to seep in the colors, and my ears, the sound, of this rural environment, I start to think about shit, that is of no relevance. An example would be, how I start to think about my job; am I doing it good enough? Or that I start to think about my future; am I at the right place in life? Should I be doing something different? Am I doing enough? Am I missing something?

There is really SO MUCH shit that we can spend our time thinking about. And it is quite fascinating that we do not see how insignificant and pointless these processes of thinking are. Where do they lead? Seldom anywhere, because just after we have started up one line of thinking, a new oe will appear, taking us into a different direction. There is really no coherence, consistency or common sense in how the thoughts in the mind move – it is a constant chatter – that have no practical value when it comes to living and participating in reality.

Thus, I want to push myself to not accept and allow this mind chatter, to not accept and allow this mind chatter to get in the way of me enjoying and participating in the beautiful place where I live. Because it is not possible to make the most of where I am at, if my attention is elsewhere, if I am instead in my mind, trying to figure out the next step, or the ‘right’ step. Fact is that, in my life at the moment, everything is set up for me to be able to slow down, and start enjoying/living/being part of this world. Thus, it is fascinating to see how small things become enlarged in the mind, how perspective is lost, and that what matters, and what is important becomes forgotten or diminished.

And then, what can be asked, is where I do the same in relation to other responsibilities/aspects/parts of my life? Where do I accept and allow irrelevant issues to cloud my clarity, my direction, my experience and living/taking part of my life fully. Small shit takes too much time, too much energy, too much life – it takes us too much away from life HERE – and it is HERE where our attention should be. Life is HERE – and it will not emerge suddenly, one day, when we have been able to find solutions to all of that clutter. Life is HERE and it will emerge when we make the decision, and decide to walk the process to make it happen.

 


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Day 440: Changing Insecurity Into Security

This week I have looked at the word insecurity and how it plays a part in my life. Initially, I did not consider insecurity as a major influence in my day-to-day living, however, I have noticed that insecurity takes on many shapes and forms.

One point that I had not seen as insecurity before is my tendency to desire positive feedback from superiors and older colleagues, and to have someone who I perceive to be higher up in the hierarchy give me direction. Without the affirmation, I tend to doubt myself, and without someone that I perceive to be higher up than me, I tend to change my decisions, because I become fearful and worried that I am not doing the right thing. Thus, for me, insecurity is connected with doing the RIGHT thing – and somehow I have concluded that I cannot be the one that decides that what I am doing is the right – I have to be approved.

Insecurity is limiting, and from what I am able to see, insecurity is in its essence about not not seeing myself as an equal individual, but instead trying to have others approve of me, and using the small bursts of energy that arise from such occasions to build up an illusion of security. Though, fact is, that when the support is removed, when the feedback becomes negative, when the superiors and those I have used to create the feeling security change how they look at me, then it all comes crashing down. Then, I experience fear and anxiety instead, that which I otherwise would try to hide by getting the approval.

However, insecurity does not only take the shape and form of following and relying on the judgments/opinions/ideas of others, it also comes through in stubbornness – in wanting to blow myself up and build up a facade, an illusion, to make myself and others believe that I am secure. This arise from the mistake of believing that being secure means that I always know what to do, have the solutions, and see the right way ahead. However, self-security is not necessarily about knowing what to do, or about taking the lead, or about always being certain and doing things my way. Rather, self-security is that deep and untouchable comfort and calm, stemming from knowing that regardless what comes my way, it will not change who I am, it will not change my base values and principles, it will not sweep my off my feet.

I see, that for myself, a priority when it comes to security and living this word, is to stop comparing myself to others, and stop believing that what I want/see needs to be confirmed/accepted from another for me to go through with it. I do not need the perceived added value and weight of anothers perception for me to make a decision and follow through with it. That is not to say however, that I must now know everything myself. It is important to be able to ask for perspectives and receive input, though, the decision as to what I am going to do must be my own. If I do not stand with my decision, then when the tide turns, I will fall back on it – because it was not real – it was not actually done for me.

Security thus, would be to, among other things, trust myself to make decisions for me and to not use others agreeing or disagreeing with me as a reason to make the decision, but to rather take their perspective/information/input and to assess it independently, and then make a decision for and as myself on the basis of my own reasoning.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others for me to make decisions, to rely on others to give me input, an opinion, a decision, so that I am able to lean upon them, instead of developing effective and self-independent reasoning skills, where the input and perspectives of others, are resources that I utilize in my own process of assessment and not reasons in themselves as to why I should or should not make a certain decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned about the opinions of another, in the sense, of fearing that I will make a mistake and do something that will be considered, by another, as a bad/wrong/stupid/inadequate – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to base my sense of security on comparison – as to comparing myself with others – and if I find myself to be/do/live similar to what I believe others value positively – to then feel secure/safe/and on the right path

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that if I am to stand as my own chief and boss, as an entrepreneur, I require to change this point, and transform it into real security, real trust, real acceptance – where it is thus not about acquiring a life/way of living that I perceive to be right by comparison – but instead living a life for and as myself that I KNOW is an expression of and as myself – because I know myself – I have reasoned and concluded my own decisions – I know where I am going – and I know what I am going to do with and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in order to make decisions that I can stand by consistently, long term, I have to make certain, that I do not base those decisions on a comparison, where I use the ideas/opinions/perceptions of another as my sole point of reason – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not developed and create my own reasoning abilities – to push myself to create self-independence within and as myself – where I am secure – in the sense that I am able to learn from and take from others what will support and empower me – however I make the decisions within me and do not accept and allow someone else to take that role within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow instead of being my own creator – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel more secure in following – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that following is always a point of dis-empowering myself – where I believe – that only because I do what another tells me to do – I am safe and on the right track – because I fear listening to and trusting myself – and fear developing my own reasoning abilities and making my own decisions – because that would imply that I am fully and wholly responsible for myself – my life – my consequences – my creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to have someone make decisions for me, to want to have someone to follow, so that I do not need to be responsible for the decisions I make, for the direction that I take, for the consequences of my actions – but so that I always have someone to blame if things go wrong – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – bring myself back here – and see, realize and understand – that it does not assist and support me to follow – and that even though I follow – I will still have to walk the consequences of my actions – because even though I convince myself otherwise – its still my actions

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself moving within myself to use another as a reason for me making a decision, where I rely upon another, without me assessing and looking at the point first, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this tendency of mine, to want to follow and use others as a reason, it dis-empowers me, and sets me off, spinning around, moving in directions that are not supportive, and eventually, I do not act or live the way that is best for me, because I follow, instead of direct – and thus I commit myself to DIRECT myself – and practice developing my own critical reasoning abilities – where I make decisions for and as myself – and assess the information received by others – not use it as my prime reason to move

When and as I see myself want to follow, rely upon, move myself because of the feedback of another, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I do, I create consequences for myself – I live in a way that is not supportive to me – and I make decisions that I later fall back on because I have not made/created them for me – AND – I miss out on actually LIVING and BUILDING my life for and as me – because I instead follow – and thus I commit myself to stop following and to starting living – to stop relying upon and instead develop my own point of movement and direction – where I make decision for and as me – though obviously – utilizing the perspectives and living of others as a inspiration and point of assistance and support


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Day 432: Success, It Is About Starting

Yesterday I read a great blog on the topic of success called A New Dimension of SUCCESS, in which a cool definition of success was brought forth:

Success lies not in how much you have accomplished, but in the fact that you have done something, experienced the process, and begun to learn something

This definition of success does not target material wealth, the result, rather it is about ACTING – and I find that empowering. I have many times feared walking into new ventures and directions, because I suspected I might not be able to make them successful and worth my effort, and due to this I have stopped myself from having new experiences. And I have also seen how I evaluate past projects on the basis of how much wealth I was able to produce, or time I was able to save, or how much attention I received from others, or how close to my initial goal that I came. The problem with evaluating my projects through such quantitative measurements is that I will miss MYSELF within all of them, and miss that, regardless of the outcome, I actually walked a process, I did something, and if I look closely, I will see that I learned something as well.

Defining success as the actual decision to DO something, that supports growth and movement, it supports courage and direction, it supports creativity and inventiveness – it is a EXPANSIVE definition – where the goal is the PROCESS, the JOURNEY, the DECISION, and not the actual outcome in itself.

However, there is something missing from the definition, and that is the point of OTHERS/EXISTENCE. Because, there is more to this life than myself, and real success is only real when everyone benefits. The principle of what is best for all is a essential component in success, for success to be substantial and worthwhile.

Thus – I would like to change the definition above to the following:

Success is the ACT of moving myself to accomplish a goal/direction/project that benefits/supports life in some way, and it is also my EXPERIENCE of the creation process, and it is what I LEARNED through doing it

With this redefinition of success, what is accentuated is the point of making sure that my direction/project/goal actually brings through some sort of value/support in life – if what I do is harmful/self-interested only based on what I want with no regard for another – its not SUCCESS. Further, with this redefinition, the process of creation is placed in the limelight – what is important thus is the MOVEMENT – to actually do something – to not let it remain on a idea level. Ideas/projects/potentials – they are meant to be EXPLORED and MOVED. Hence – if there is an idea – and I want to bring it through – then next point is to PLAN and then DO – it is as simple as that. And – regardless of the outcome – there will be things I have learned, an experience that I can take with me – and that is SUCCESS as well.

For those interested on further perspectives on SUCCESS I suggest listening to the following interviews:

Failure and Success – Reptilians – Part 571

More Dimensions of Failure and Success – Reptilians – Part 572

Practically Working with Failure and Success – Reptilians – Part 573


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