Tag Archives: living words

Day 440: Changing Insecurity Into Security

This week I have looked at the word insecurity and how it plays a part in my life. Initially, I did not consider insecurity as a major influence in my day-to-day living, however, I have noticed that insecurity takes on many shapes and forms.

One point that I had not seen as insecurity before is my tendency to desire positive feedback from superiors and older colleagues, and to have someone who I perceive to be higher up in the hierarchy give me direction. Without the affirmation, I tend to doubt myself, and without someone that I perceive to be higher up than me, I tend to change my decisions, because I become fearful and worried that I am not doing the right thing. Thus, for me, insecurity is connected with doing the RIGHT thing – and somehow I have concluded that I cannot be the one that decides that what I am doing is the right – I have to be approved.

Insecurity is limiting, and from what I am able to see, insecurity is in its essence about not not seeing myself as an equal individual, but instead trying to have others approve of me, and using the small bursts of energy that arise from such occasions to build up an illusion of security. Though, fact is, that when the support is removed, when the feedback becomes negative, when the superiors and those I have used to create the feeling security change how they look at me, then it all comes crashing down. Then, I experience fear and anxiety instead, that which I otherwise would try to hide by getting the approval.

However, insecurity does not only take the shape and form of following and relying on the judgments/opinions/ideas of others, it also comes through in stubbornness – in wanting to blow myself up and build up a facade, an illusion, to make myself and others believe that I am secure. This arise from the mistake of believing that being secure means that I always know what to do, have the solutions, and see the right way ahead. However, self-security is not necessarily about knowing what to do, or about taking the lead, or about always being certain and doing things my way. Rather, self-security is that deep and untouchable comfort and calm, stemming from knowing that regardless what comes my way, it will not change who I am, it will not change my base values and principles, it will not sweep my off my feet.

I see, that for myself, a priority when it comes to security and living this word, is to stop comparing myself to others, and stop believing that what I want/see needs to be confirmed/accepted from another for me to go through with it. I do not need the perceived added value and weight of anothers perception for me to make a decision and follow through with it. That is not to say however, that I must now know everything myself. It is important to be able to ask for perspectives and receive input, though, the decision as to what I am going to do must be my own. If I do not stand with my decision, then when the tide turns, I will fall back on it – because it was not real – it was not actually done for me.

Security thus, would be to, among other things, trust myself to make decisions for me and to not use others agreeing or disagreeing with me as a reason to make the decision, but to rather take their perspective/information/input and to assess it independently, and then make a decision for and as myself on the basis of my own reasoning.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others for me to make decisions, to rely on others to give me input, an opinion, a decision, so that I am able to lean upon them, instead of developing effective and self-independent reasoning skills, where the input and perspectives of others, are resources that I utilize in my own process of assessment and not reasons in themselves as to why I should or should not make a certain decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned about the opinions of another, in the sense, of fearing that I will make a mistake and do something that will be considered, by another, as a bad/wrong/stupid/inadequate – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to base my sense of security on comparison – as to comparing myself with others – and if I find myself to be/do/live similar to what I believe others value positively – to then feel secure/safe/and on the right path

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that if I am to stand as my own chief and boss, as an entrepreneur, I require to change this point, and transform it into real security, real trust, real acceptance – where it is thus not about acquiring a life/way of living that I perceive to be right by comparison – but instead living a life for and as myself that I KNOW is an expression of and as myself – because I know myself – I have reasoned and concluded my own decisions – I know where I am going – and I know what I am going to do with and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in order to make decisions that I can stand by consistently, long term, I have to make certain, that I do not base those decisions on a comparison, where I use the ideas/opinions/perceptions of another as my sole point of reason – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not developed and create my own reasoning abilities – to push myself to create self-independence within and as myself – where I am secure – in the sense that I am able to learn from and take from others what will support and empower me – however I make the decisions within me and do not accept and allow someone else to take that role within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow instead of being my own creator – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel more secure in following – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that following is always a point of dis-empowering myself – where I believe – that only because I do what another tells me to do – I am safe and on the right track – because I fear listening to and trusting myself – and fear developing my own reasoning abilities and making my own decisions – because that would imply that I am fully and wholly responsible for myself – my life – my consequences – my creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to have someone make decisions for me, to want to have someone to follow, so that I do not need to be responsible for the decisions I make, for the direction that I take, for the consequences of my actions – but so that I always have someone to blame if things go wrong – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – bring myself back here – and see, realize and understand – that it does not assist and support me to follow – and that even though I follow – I will still have to walk the consequences of my actions – because even though I convince myself otherwise – its still my actions

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself moving within myself to use another as a reason for me making a decision, where I rely upon another, without me assessing and looking at the point first, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this tendency of mine, to want to follow and use others as a reason, it dis-empowers me, and sets me off, spinning around, moving in directions that are not supportive, and eventually, I do not act or live the way that is best for me, because I follow, instead of direct – and thus I commit myself to DIRECT myself – and practice developing my own critical reasoning abilities – where I make decisions for and as myself – and assess the information received by others – not use it as my prime reason to move

When and as I see myself want to follow, rely upon, move myself because of the feedback of another, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I do, I create consequences for myself – I live in a way that is not supportive to me – and I make decisions that I later fall back on because I have not made/created them for me – AND – I miss out on actually LIVING and BUILDING my life for and as me – because I instead follow – and thus I commit myself to stop following and to starting living – to stop relying upon and instead develop my own point of movement and direction – where I make decision for and as me – though obviously – utilizing the perspectives and living of others as a inspiration and point of assistance and support


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Day 391: Living COMPLETELY

During this week I have focused my application on the immediate living of words in the moment. When I have had a reaction, I have applied a line of self-forgiveness within me, and then I have immediately proceeded to see what word would be supportive for me to live in order to walk through and transcend the reaction. I allowed myself to be unconditional when I looked at the words, to just see what came up, and thus far a couple of interesting words have arisen that I had not applied/lived before – such as the word COMPLETE. And in this blog I am going to expand upon my understanding and application of the word complete.

This word came up within me one morning as I had just woken up, I was preparing to go to work, and I was noticing how stress was building up within me. The stress was primarily about getting to work in time, accomplishing my work, thinking about what I am going to do later in life in terms of work, thinking about whether or whether not I will be able to live in my current house later in life or not; to sum it up – FUTURE ANXIETY. I applied self-forgiveness and looked at what word that could be lived – and then COMPLETE came up within me.

I proceeded to take COMPLETE – I placed it within me chest – and then practiced immediately embodying the word. I could immediately feel a shift in my body – my stance became more upright, stable, certain, yet still, my muscles relaxed and my posture became more natural and balanced. My awareness shifted into what was HERE around me – I was making coffee for myself – hence – I observed and partook in the process with full presence – which was very cool. Then I realized the power of living the word COMPLETE – and how this is a word we as human beings have been really bad at living.

I realized that when living COMPLETE – meaning – I AM COMPLETE HERE – the notion of running, stressing, racing towards or after something becomes ludicrous and nonsensical – what is there to race after if I am COMPLETE here? Why should I think about, constantly strive towards, and attempt and try to achieve something more than myself, when I am COMPLETE?

I then asked myself, if I would consider my current state of living complete, at least in the sense of material standards, who would I be? Would I still be thinking about what kind of job I would have in the future? Would I still be thinking about where I am going to live in the future? In a way, such considerations and thoughts are immaterial – or put differently – unimportant under the circumstances – and if it would so happen that I would die after having made this cup of coffee – then would I ever regret not having lived in a different house? Surely not. My regrets would rather be about who I was as a person, the relationships I was able to create with people in my life, the value and worth that I was able to contribute into the lives of others, the value and worth that I was able to contribute into the life of my own – that would be of importance – that would be relevant – that would be material – and that thus forms a integral part of living the word COMPLETE.

Because living COMPLETE – means that I am COMPLETELY here – and that I make the most – the FULLEST – in every moment to live myself as a COMPLETE person – complete in the sense that I am not separated – spread thin and wide in my mind – where my attention is scattered between all kinds of irrelevant things/ideas/beliefs/emotions/feelings. Standing as the word COMPLETE is thus a completely different experience in comparison to living life from a starting point of inadequacy and feeling incomplete – which so many of us do. And then we try to find completion in our careers, in partners, in children, in all kinds of external manifestations – while all the time missing the point – the living COMPLETE is a matter of principle – a DECISION – that we do and must stand by – and implement in every moment.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the word COMPLETE – as being COMPLETELY here in this moment – being COMPLETELY present – completely directive – completely taking part in my process of self-creation and thus not accepting and allowing myself to be separate – separate from the physical – separate from what is real through having thoughts, images, pictures, fantasies, all kinds of distractions in my mind – take me away from what is real HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that completion is not something that I will be able to attain through my external reality, that it is not something that I will be able to earn as money, or acquire as friends, recognition, power or importance – rather – it is something that I must live and apply in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will never be able to attain completion – it must be a decision that I make – I must LIVE completion in order to bring it into manifestation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the word COMPLETE – and accept and allow myself to be scattered into a million of small pieces in my mind – hence forgetting that what is real is HERE – forgetting what I knew and could see as a child – that reality is HERE – and that there is in-fact nothing more to attain/achieve – than what is HERE in a moment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in a linear way of looking at my life – where it is all processes that goes from A to B – and where there is always a movement from A to B – and thinking that I will only ever be able to relax when I get to B – not seeing, realizing and understanding – that COMPLETION is always HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from COMPLETE – thinking that it is a too good a word for me – and that I will never be able to live or stand as complete – because I have not earned it – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must earn living COMPLETE – that it is something that must come into my life after a long process of showing that I have earned it – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is a word – and that I can make a decision to live it HERE

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself longing, looking at, fearing, worrying about, the future in some way or another, where I project a complete version of myself somewhere out there, that I will only be able to attain after a long and arduous process, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring that point of COMPLETION here – and I see, realize and understand – that COMPLETION is a decision that I live and not something that I can wait for – and it is not something that I will get from my external reality – it will be something that I create/manifest/life as a decision – and hence I commit myself to practice living COMPLETE – to bring all of myself HERE into the physical and to stand FULLY and COMPLETELY here – and to use moments of falling to learn and become better at standing as a COMPLETE and FULL version of myself HERE

 


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Day 390: Not Enough Time For Process?

What I have been looking at recently is how to make sure that I am walking and moving myself in my process even though there is not as much time for writing and self-introspection as there used to be. I have found that writing is a superb technique for giving myself a moment to stop, to look, and to establish a direction for myself. However, it is not possible to do this the same way anymore, and hence revolution is required, a new paradigm must be shaped.

One way in which I have been able to incorporate process in my daily living is through applying self-forgiveness out loud every time I am driving by myself. Another way in which I have been able to do it is through applying self-forgiveness within myself each time I have a reaction. The next step as I see it, to support myself to make process even more so, a natural part of my life, by practicing the IMMEDIATE CORRECTION after I have applied self-forgiveness.

Thus far I have experimented with LIVING WORDS as a correction after I have applied self-forgiveness, which is challenging and expansive. After I have had a reaction and applied self-forgiveness, I look within myself to see whether there is a word I am able to embody that would assist and support me to change and align my inner experience. Today when I woke up, within me there was a undefined angst, I forgave the experience and looked within, and here I could see the word COMPLETION. Hence – I immediately went into application living the correction – COMPLETION – which I lived through being completely in my body – each part – being complete in myself – hence allowing myself to see, realize and understand that there is nothing more I need and require to chase and achieve – I am complete in my MYSELF here – and this chase and hunt to achieve something more – it is not real.

Hence – even though my life has changed – even though things are different – and there is less time – it does not have to mean that there is less process. Rather – this is an opportunity for myself to push and will myself to really make process part of my entire life – and not accept and allow myself to walk and apply process in but parts of my life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am able to apply and make process part of all my life – that only because I do not have time to write, or apply self-forgiveness out loud, it does not have to mean that I must hold back in my process of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to establish ways, methods, means of walking process HERE even though there is a time constraint – to see, realize and understand that this is a new challenge – where I will have to establish myself even though I cannot walk process the way I used to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that using the excuse that I cannot walk process because there is not enough time is not valid – because the only that is needed to walk process is me – and I am here in every breath – and thus I can push and will myself to make and have process be part of my everyday life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that process is WHO I AM – that it is thus something that I can walk regardless of circumstances – and hence I push and commit myself to walk process in every moment – to walk process in every breath – to make it part of my every step – and to practice living words as an immediate correction in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need things to complete me – that I need certain things to happen in the future to complete me – that I need a certain life to complete me – that I need a certain security to complete – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider and also to not live the word COMPLETION for and as myself – as something that I do to assist and support myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself waiting for process, or defining process as writing, or as applying self-forgiveness out loud, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that process is HERE – that process is my decision to walk and transcend my mind and change myself as who I am and birth myself as a trustworthy and life-supportive individual – that process is something that I can put into and have in my daily living as a constant point of consideration – where I push myself in every breath to apply and live words; hence I commit myself to each time I have a reaction – to take a moment to apply self-forgiveness – and then find a corrective word that I can live – and then live it

When and as I see that I am waiting to be completed by something outside of me, by a thing, or a person, or a activity, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I will never be able to find and achieve that completion by taking someone or something outside of me into my life – rather completion is a decision – it is WHO I AM – and it is lived in every moment – as a decision to stand COMPLETE – to stand FINISHED – to not be separated into thoughts and experiences – but stand as one in the moment and be fully here; and thus I commit myself to practice the word COMPLETE – through bringing everything here – bringing it all back to myself into the moment – into and as my human physical body – and grounding my presence and awareness HERE


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