Tag Archives: longing

Day 391: Living COMPLETELY

During this week I have focused my application on the immediate living of words in the moment. When I have had a reaction, I have applied a line of self-forgiveness within me, and then I have immediately proceeded to see what word would be supportive for me to live in order to walk through and transcend the reaction. I allowed myself to be unconditional when I looked at the words, to just see what came up, and thus far a couple of interesting words have arisen that I had not applied/lived before – such as the word COMPLETE. And in this blog I am going to expand upon my understanding and application of the word complete.

This word came up within me one morning as I had just woken up, I was preparing to go to work, and I was noticing how stress was building up within me. The stress was primarily about getting to work in time, accomplishing my work, thinking about what I am going to do later in life in terms of work, thinking about whether or whether not I will be able to live in my current house later in life or not; to sum it up – FUTURE ANXIETY. I applied self-forgiveness and looked at what word that could be lived – and then COMPLETE came up within me.

I proceeded to take COMPLETE – I placed it within me chest – and then practiced immediately embodying the word. I could immediately feel a shift in my body – my stance became more upright, stable, certain, yet still, my muscles relaxed and my posture became more natural and balanced. My awareness shifted into what was HERE around me – I was making coffee for myself – hence – I observed and partook in the process with full presence – which was very cool. Then I realized the power of living the word COMPLETE – and how this is a word we as human beings have been really bad at living.

I realized that when living COMPLETE – meaning – I AM COMPLETE HERE – the notion of running, stressing, racing towards or after something becomes ludicrous and nonsensical – what is there to race after if I am COMPLETE here? Why should I think about, constantly strive towards, and attempt and try to achieve something more than myself, when I am COMPLETE?

I then asked myself, if I would consider my current state of living complete, at least in the sense of material standards, who would I be? Would I still be thinking about what kind of job I would have in the future? Would I still be thinking about where I am going to live in the future? In a way, such considerations and thoughts are immaterial – or put differently – unimportant under the circumstances – and if it would so happen that I would die after having made this cup of coffee – then would I ever regret not having lived in a different house? Surely not. My regrets would rather be about who I was as a person, the relationships I was able to create with people in my life, the value and worth that I was able to contribute into the lives of others, the value and worth that I was able to contribute into the life of my own – that would be of importance – that would be relevant – that would be material – and that thus forms a integral part of living the word COMPLETE.

Because living COMPLETE – means that I am COMPLETELY here – and that I make the most – the FULLEST – in every moment to live myself as a COMPLETE person – complete in the sense that I am not separated – spread thin and wide in my mind – where my attention is scattered between all kinds of irrelevant things/ideas/beliefs/emotions/feelings. Standing as the word COMPLETE is thus a completely different experience in comparison to living life from a starting point of inadequacy and feeling incomplete – which so many of us do. And then we try to find completion in our careers, in partners, in children, in all kinds of external manifestations – while all the time missing the point – the living COMPLETE is a matter of principle – a DECISION – that we do and must stand by – and implement in every moment.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the word COMPLETE – as being COMPLETELY here in this moment – being COMPLETELY present – completely directive – completely taking part in my process of self-creation and thus not accepting and allowing myself to be separate – separate from the physical – separate from what is real through having thoughts, images, pictures, fantasies, all kinds of distractions in my mind – take me away from what is real HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that completion is not something that I will be able to attain through my external reality, that it is not something that I will be able to earn as money, or acquire as friends, recognition, power or importance – rather – it is something that I must live and apply in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will never be able to attain completion – it must be a decision that I make – I must LIVE completion in order to bring it into manifestation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the word COMPLETE – and accept and allow myself to be scattered into a million of small pieces in my mind – hence forgetting that what is real is HERE – forgetting what I knew and could see as a child – that reality is HERE – and that there is in-fact nothing more to attain/achieve – than what is HERE in a moment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in a linear way of looking at my life – where it is all processes that goes from A to B – and where there is always a movement from A to B – and thinking that I will only ever be able to relax when I get to B – not seeing, realizing and understanding – that COMPLETION is always HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from COMPLETE – thinking that it is a too good a word for me – and that I will never be able to live or stand as complete – because I have not earned it – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must earn living COMPLETE – that it is something that must come into my life after a long process of showing that I have earned it – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is a word – and that I can make a decision to live it HERE

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself longing, looking at, fearing, worrying about, the future in some way or another, where I project a complete version of myself somewhere out there, that I will only be able to attain after a long and arduous process, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring that point of COMPLETION here – and I see, realize and understand – that COMPLETION is a decision that I live and not something that I can wait for – and it is not something that I will get from my external reality – it will be something that I create/manifest/life as a decision – and hence I commit myself to practice living COMPLETE – to bring all of myself HERE into the physical and to stand FULLY and COMPLETELY here – and to use moments of falling to learn and become better at standing as a COMPLETE and FULL version of myself HERE

 


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Day 333: The Lack Perspective

The lack perspective, this is a way of viewing myself and my world and that has begun to open up and become more clear to me as of late. Seeing things from a starting point of lack is basically how the world currently operates, and most people use lack as their motivation to get things done. An example would be our economy, that is measured and valued in growth, and where stagnation, or shrinkage, is seen as a failure – hence – the point with our economy is to move away from apparent lack and into growth. The same goes with education and children, where the standard way of viewing children is to see them as lacking character, experience, and perspective, and that society hence need to fill them up, push that lack away, and make the children useful and valuable.

Lack, what is missing, what is not here at the moment, this is how we have come to determine value, where hence value is created by fighting and suppressing the existence of lack, wherever it rears it head. It is however interesting, to see, realize and understand, that this lack perspective is not based on common sense, and it is not natural. Because is there in-fact lack? Or is it rather our judgment of what is here already? Where we see that things ARE NOT the way we want them to be (aligned to our ideals) and thus strive to mold, force, design our reality to fit our ideas, and in that completely missing what is here in this moment – and how we thus – do not work WITH what is here but instead FIGHT it.

I will give a practical example from my own life. A year ago I moved from a bustling and vibrant university town, where my days were filled with studies, and time for myself to bicycle, write, swim, and pursue other leisurely activities, to a small provincial town, where I started my first real full time job. On top of moving to a town with a different character, and now having most of my time occupied with the responsibilities of work, my partner and I built a house, and we are now on our way to have a child together – to put it mildly – my life changed quite drastically – from simple, easy, entertaining, to being challenging, and very, very different. I could no longer take my bike and ride the 3 kilometers into the town center to attend my lecture, as I instead had to take my car, and drive 30 kilometers into town, to work an entire day.

I have experienced this change as a form of limitation, where my life as it used to be, with all its ease and comfortableness, was gone, and that I am now stuck in a set of circumstances that are less than optimal. This is what has triggered the thoughts such as: ‘It was better where I used to be!’ – ‘I had everything going for me before, now I am having this life, which limits me!’ – this in turn have generated the experience within me of LACK – which is basically an emotional experience that feels like a empty whole – combined with a sense of longing and desire for something MORE – something BETTER – something DIFFERENT – and in this case – with me – longing back to the place where I used to live in the belief that this would sort out my issues.

Thus, the experience that came up within me, and that I have for a moment gotten myself trapped within, is LACK, and this emotional experience is combined with constant mind-chatter, dreams, projections, imaginations, of how I could have lived and experienced myself if I had been anywhere but here. I had gotten possessed by LACK – and this is where I began to see, realize and understand the deceptive nature of the lack-experience and how it pulled me into a particular way of viewing the world that was actually limiting me.

Furthermore, what is interesting is that I have actually been creating LACK by placing my focus on the emotional experiences of lack/missing/longing, because what am I doing in that? I am going into and accepting and allowing a mental state to become the starting point of my life – instead of CREATING my life here in the physical, moving myself here, and instead of going into lack, asking myself; what am I able to create with what is ALREADY here?

The solution to lack is thus to embrace self-creation as the constant movement and flow of expression that comes through when I push myself to remain here, to remain physical, alert, ready, directive, sharp and aware of what is going on in every moment – thus ready and able to act and create when and as I see that it is required. And self-creation happens HERE – in every moment – it is not something that I am able to access when I am in a lack experience – as then all my focus and energy goes into LACK – instead of CREATION.

Lack is self-created – it is something we bring through by placing our attention on what we do not have instead of focusing on what we have and what we can do with it.

The solution: Work With What Is HERE.


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Day 307: Longing For More

About two years ago I started planning my future when it came to career, living arrangements, and what type of future that I wanted to experience in my life. In this process I was able to reach a few conclusions, such as for example: I want to live on the country side and I want to be able to have a career in which I can be flexible and steer my working hours in a way that fits me. Now I am at a stage where I have realized parts of my plan, and where I have come to see, that the assessments I made two years ago where in many ways correct. My plan has worked out in many respecs– and I should be happy. Though the fascinating thing is that, I am not.

Because, here I am, having reached my goals, finding out that things are not the way I imagined – and with that I mean – the way I perceived that they would feel. For example, in living on the country side, what I perceive to be amiss in my environment now is ambition and career-driven people. And then further, I feel that the small city which I live close to is to small, not enough people, it is too plain, and boring. Instead of being satisfied, my mind is moving towards a future in one of the bigger cities – something that I have planned to avoid due to the various inconveniences that go with living in a bigger city; such as housing prices, infrastructure, transportation, living costs etc. Hence, I find this development within me fascinating. And what I have realized is that this tendency of wanting what is not here, of seeing that is over there, and the bad that is here, it is a tendency I have had for some time – the inability to settle down and be content with what is here – and thus – work with what is here instead of trying to escape it.

Instead of appreciating what I have and the positive aspects of my reality, what stands out is the negative, what stands out is what I do not have, and what I feel that I should have. And this has been a theme in my life, mostly I have felt that my life is somewhere there, in the future, my life will begin in a year or two, my life will begin when I get over there, and in that process of projection, I miss the life that is HERE. Because I have seen, that it is not so much about WHERE you are, it is about WHO you are – WHO you are determines EVERYTHING. You can live in the most perfect of worlds, and still, if you are not stable and settled within yourself, there will still exist a restlessness deep inside, a want to get out, to experience something different, to not be here, but to get away.

What is then the solution?

The solution is to realize that projections into the future indicates what is amiss in my expression and practical living HERE – and hence – the projection is a coping mechanism – because through projections we are able to feel as if we are some time, some day actually going to reach our goals/dreams/wishes – however – we will not – because that projection only exists in the first place because we are not living that experience as ourselves.

For example, with me, what I now long for is a bustling city, filled with opportunities and momentum – and hence – a place where I can feel challenged and where I still have security and stability – and I also see that my projection contains a touch of fulfillment and completion – it is as if I will only somewhere in my future be able to realize myself as fulfillment – and feel utterly at ease with myself – no longing. Though this is as well an illusion – because fulfillment and completion can never come to me from my outside world – it can never be something that I find out there – instead these are words that I must live – that I must bring to life through living on a moment to moment basis.

Hence, when projections of the future come up, this can be utilized as a support, through asking oneself; what does these projections show me about myself? What is is that I have not created and lived HERE for and as myself that I am still projecting into the future? Thus instead of trying to reach my projection – I can instead bring my projection HERE – and make that desire/want/wish/preference that I see out there – a part of my living reality HERE as how I live – how I stand in thought, word and deed. This is the key to being able to create anything – because suddenly we are not bound by space and time – we are bound by our own initiative, push and drive – and how much we will ourselves to create ourselves.