Tag Archives: looking

Day 444: Asking Questions

What is really important? What is really valuable? Why am I here? Why am I doing what I am doing every day? Where am I going?

These questions are essential to me. It is so easy to start moving on auto-mode; going to work, going home, looking forward to the weekend, resisting Monday, and then you start again. We get caught in the rat race, in the wheel going round, and round, and we never stop to look where we are going. These questions are my moment of stopping up, taking a breath, and seeing where I am going and why.

I have listened to several documentaries covering people that have went through a terrible accident and barely surviving it. A experience that is frequently shared by the survivors is how they did not see the accident coming and how they have developed a deeper sense of gratefulness and appreciation of life after the accident. Thus the incidents actually supported the individuals to stop for a moment and take a look at their life’s and what is really important to them.

For me, at the moment, the thing I have realized is that I have a few things that are very important to me. It is my family, my child, and my process of walking to life, and it is creating value beyond myself, for life, reality, the physical, and people/nature. I do not want to live out my life in a bubble, only making sure I take care of myself. I want to contribute to a better world – not be part of the problem – but be part of the solution. Those things are really important to me, and those are the things that I want to build and create my life around. And if I would die having lived/expressed these parts of myself fully – then I would be satisfied and at peace.

I foresee that if more people would look more deeply at what they need, what would be best for them, and what they really would like to live, then life on earth would be very different. And at the moment the greatest hindrance seems to be survival. We are stuck to these survival fears, stuck to beliefs that we are not able or capable of changing our direction, because we are too dependent on money. And then our focus becomes survival, instead of realizing that we could be and do so much more. Pushing through the survival fear is difficult – however – a key that I have found is the realize that we really have no control, or at least, that our control is very limited. When we embrace the fact that life is a series of spontaneous natural changes that we have little power over – and we embrace those changes – money becomes less important – because we realize that the only resource that will stand the test of time is ourselves.

And that reminds me of a salesman that shared how he looked at the word security. He noticed that most viewed security as having a house, money and a stable income, whereas he viewed security as his own ability to handle and directed his world/life every day. And I would say that he did have a point – because what are we able to control but who we are and who we direct ourselves in every moment? Everything else is dependent upon a myriad of variables. And the Coronavirus is a perfect example of that.

Day 337: How To End Rear View Mirror Living?

When you build something big, such as a house, there will (unless you are MacGyver or some other perfect individual) be mistakes made, things missed, points forgotten, or not considered sufficiently. I know because I have been there, it is not possible, or at least, close to impossible to build the perfect house, or the perfect what-so-ever. In the end, there will always be things that could have been better. For me, it has been sometimes difficult to come to terms with these mistakes, that after the house has been finished, each day openly and glaringly stares me in my face. The emotion is there, that deep urge, and desire, to be able to turn back time and make a different decision, the right one. And even though it is of no point to go in my mind go back in time, and consider these things, the experience driving this thought-process is an experience that it could potentially change something, there is that nagging experience, that maybe, maybe if I stick with it, and look at it once more, it will change.

This way of approaching life – which I coin Rear-View-Mirror-Living – is a real party killer. The consequences of ‘Rear-Mirroring’ (the verb conjugation of my new word) is that I will not give the necessary attention to my life HERE, I will not focus on improving and pushing my daily living forward, but my thoughts, and my considerations will remain in the past – LIFE here will become but a empty narrative – bereft of substance – because all of my being will be in the past. The main problem thus is that no CREATION will happen as all attention is gathered on what has already been created – and the faults/mistakes of that particular creation – it is a form of regret. And we, sane people, can all agree that living in regret is no way to live, though few of us are able to use that regret, the Rear-Mirror-Living, as keys to self-expansion and building a better life for ourselves. In other words, making the enemy our friend.

What we see in our rear view and that bugs us will be consequences created by aspects of ourselves which we are able to change in the present. Unfortunately however, what we see in our rear view, such as regrets, will often end up as an emotion a – a state of dissatisfaction and a point that we continuously go back to in order to ponder – only serving our mind and not our physical creation. Hence, what is missed in that state of pondering about the past is that we can instead look at HOW we created the particular situation that is now a point of regret within us; What about our character was responsible for creating the situation/point we now experience a regret towards? Because, if we are able to see HOW we created a particular point in the past, we can identify where we are creating the same in our present reality, and thus how we are able to assist and support ourselves to change, and realign, to NOT recreate the past.

A part from us being able to shift the tendency of Rear-View-Mirror-Living into a present and future oriented CREATION living – what is important when it comes to stopping our ‘looking back phenomena’ is to dare to NOT think – having the courage to simply STOP. I have noticed that at times, I have felt compelled to think about something, and oftentimes the illusion is that I am able to reach some form of conclusion or state of release by thinking, thus making me anxious of stopping my thought process, because what if I then miss out on this great realization I am apparently about to have? However, I have realized that, thinking about these things, without exception, always leads to an even more unstable and conflicted state of mind. Release only comes through letting go of the process of thinking, and that takes some courage, because it implies letting go of the problem/issue/experience that is the foundation of the thought pattern. And because we let go of a foundation, we now have to create our own self – our own direction/movement/future – that is why it is so scary – we are entering into the unknown.

Let us look at another perspective on this point: When someone goes of rambling about mistakes they did in the past, it is easy to attempt and try to comfort them by telling them that things are not as bad as they think. This however is not an efficient way of approaching the Rear-View-Character – what instead should be brought to their attention is that by looking at the mechanics of HOW their past moment was created – and HOW those mechanics are still a part of their present life – and as such – they will be able to stop themselves from recreating their past. Hence their focus and effort should be placed on aligning and changing these inefficient traits, memes and quirks (their current self-mechanics) so that they can walk into a better future. When we look at the past pro-actively – it can be a GREAT source of knowledge that we are able to use to get to know ourselves better.

To sum it up. Rear-View-Mirror-Living (do I have copyright on this term now?) is in its essence an addiction to thoughts – we want to think about our past – feel good or bad about it – continuously assess, value, pinpoint, and define with our minds. This is a LIMITATION – because by existing in a Rear View State – we miss out on CREATING our life HERE. This brings me into the solution – which is to CREATE: CREATE our future – CREATE our character – CREATE our skills, abilities, our integrity, our state of mind, our WHO WE ARE – and NOT leave anything to to chance. In that process of CREATION – we are able to use our inner Rear View Mirror to LEARN about ourselves – to see where we need fine tuning, and to understand, what consequences our characters and patterns have the potential of creating. However – the Rear View must never become a purpose in itself – we USE it to expand – not to be in a constant state of looking back.

Learn more about this way of living:

Day 331: Why We Should Reinvent Our Childhood

“Compared with adults, children do not yet have the ability to see a self that extends temporally into the future. This, however, is not a liability, but rather an asset that allows them to view their future without gloom and fully enjoy the present feelings of happiness. That is why the children of the world can look happy so long as they are happy in the present.”

― Yoichi Sakakihara, M.D., Professor of Ochanomizu University

Childhood, I remember that as a time in my life that was thoroughly enjoyable. Obviously, that is not so for everyone, as childhood can also be a terrible experience. However, as children, undoubtedly we do have an ability to live in the moment that surpasses that of any adult. I remember when I used to visit new places as a child, for example a forest, being sensitive, attuned, and completely in the present moment, it was an adventure without comparison. All my senses were active in experiencing and interacting with this new environment – and that ability to be FULLY here in the moment was what contributed to creating that almost magical feeling of adventure and astonishment at the small moments, that by adults were perceived as insignificant or completely missed.

This skill disappears as we age, and that is sad, because obviously, we as adults also need that sense of adventure and fulfillment in our lives, else, we simply become like robots, walking around to our next appointment, doing our thing, without really knowing why. From my perspective, and from what I have found, the reason why we loose this ability to be in the present moment is because we compare what is here to what has been, we actively use our experiences and memory-bank to define and give points to our current reality. This use of memory to interact with reality also dulls our senses and makes us less sensitive and attuned to the present moment. We thus miss so much of reality, because we are busy in our mind evaluating what is here, instead of LIVING with what is here.

One clear example of this is how adults tend to judge weather such as rain, storms, cold, and similar, as ‘bad weather’ and enter a gloomy experience, and oftentimes complain at the weather. What children do with bad weather is that they embrace it and allow themselves to experience and be part of and explore that particular moment of weather. For example, rain becomes an adventure without likes, as rain offers pools of water, and different animals come out from their hiding places to get moisture and look for food. Children hence know and apply one thing in their lives that we adults tend to miss, it is not about where we are, not about what we are, not about when we are, it is about WHO WE ARE – basically meaning that – we DECIDE what our present moment will be like – either a moment of presence/interaction/connection with the physical – or a moment of existing in our mind comparing what is here to what we would like it to be like.

As adults we look for life in all the wrong places, because we have forgotten that point of presence which we embodied as children. Life will not ever be born through realizing a dream or reaching a goal, such points are merely moments of satisfaction, and enjoyment, though not the same thing as the constant and fulfilling approach to reality that children master. Hence, the secret to life does not exist in changing our material physical world, it is instead within us, in our approach, and in essence, in our relationship with ourselves. If we want to have fulfillment, adventure, and enjoyment in our lives, this is where we should look, and not make the mistake of believing that the problem is our physical reality.

The above though is only true to some extent. We do undoubtedly have physical needs, we have to eat, drink, shit and piss – and if our basic needs are not fulfilled effectively – then it is not possible, or at least very difficult, to embody presence and live fully in every moment. This is why we require a new economic system with an equal distribution of resources – to make sure that everyone has to opportunity to discover and live their unconditional and childlike expression in this world.

What is then the solution? How is it that we return to our childlike selves? I find the following quote very supportive in this regard.

“Stop thinking, and end your problems.
What difference between yes and no?
What difference between success and failure?
Must you value what others value,
avoid what others avoid?
How ridiculous!

Other people are excited,
as though they were at a parade.
I alone don’t care,
I alone am expressionless,
like an infant before it can smile.

Other people have what they need;
I alone possess nothing.
I alone drift about,
like someone without a home.
I am like an idiot, my mind is so empty.

Other people are bright;
I alone am dark.
Other people are sharp;
I alone am dull.
Other people have purpose;
I alone don’t know.
I drift like a wave on the ocean,
I blow as aimless as the wind.

I am different from ordinary people.
I drink from the Great Mother’s breasts.”

― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

The solution to stopping our continuous adult contemplation and replace it with LIFE is to STOP thinking. Thinking not only steals our attention from the present moments, it also becomes the building blocks of our life, and the problem here is that we have not even investigated the consequences of our thoughts; what does our thoughts really create? We must remind ourselves that the future will only ever be an abstract concept, something we use to make sense of time and space, however, LIFE will only ever be HERE. Thus, when we think about the future it should only be to organize and plan for our life HERE, yet that plan must not, and in reality cannot, take precedence of what is HERE. Hence, a plan, or a goal, will never in itself fulfill us, give us peace and joy – if we want to experience such words for real – they must be created HERE in our everyday life – in the mundane and recurrent. And in doing that, what we will discover and understand, which children already see, is that life HERE is not mundane, it is a constant flow of new moments that we can only ever really see if we stop thinking and instead place our full awareness in the present.

Learn more about this way of living:

Day 172: Looking Deeper Into Some Fear

Today I am going to look deeper into some fears that came up.

So, this week I’ve been walking the active creation process of stopping myself from projecting myself into future, as well as going into fear and anxiety in relation to the future, and start building ideas of what I should do and how I should do it in order to ‘make it’ in this world.

Though, today I fell in my application, and the consequential outflow was that I got locked into a state of anxiety, and fear for some hours – and I am now here in order to look at the process of how I created this point; take myself back HERE and re-commit myself to continue walking the point.

I will utilize the tool of the mind-construct in order to walk through this pattern.

-> I am talking with my friend
->-> He tells me that he’s got a well respected education
->->-> I start to think about my own education
->->->-> Maybe my education won’t suffice for me to have a job
->->->->-> I start to think about what I am able to do to change this
->->->->->-> I come up with a plan to study one more course
->->->->->->-> This plan creates inner conflict within me
->->->->->->->-> I am fearful that I will compromise my primary studies
->->->->->->->->-> I reel backwards and forwards thinking yay or nay

So, from this timeline it’s interesting to see that the origin point is FEAR – and then when I get to the perceived solution – which is to start another set of studies – what comes up yet again is FEAR – obviously then the real solution can’t be to study yet another subject because the actual issue at hand is not that my studies on a practical dimension aren’t effective enough for me to get a job in the future. No, rather the actual issue at hand is an issue with self-trust – and an issue with walking into the future and trusting myself to handle the future effectively.

I remember one instance in particular where I decided that I couldn’t trust myself. This was in my teenage years – I’d decided to go to a course. I’d paid for it – yet I completely forgot about it and the result was that I missed the course. When that happened I went into somewhat of a shock, and I said to myself in somewhat of a disbelief, that I will not be able to trust myself again, because I am seemingly loosing my grip on reality.

I will walk my self-forgiveness on this point now – and I will specifically focus on this memory that I’ve brought up here as well as the aspect of self-trust in relation to walking into and dealing with the future effectively and specifically.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in relation to walking out into and standing in the system, and walking through the system and establishing myself in the system, and building a life and a living for myself in the system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a memory of myself, wherein I said to myself that “I can’t trust myself” – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to find substitutes for self-trust – and substitutes for self-reliance – such as trying to do as many educations and courses as possible – instead of realizing that this is not the solution – the solution is rather that I develop effective self-trust for myself HERE within and as my human physical body and that I stop trying to become and look for more in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto this petrification in my chest area in relation to the future, in relation to time, in relation to money, and in relation to making it in this world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with thoughts about me not making it in this world, and me playing out before my inner eye, the absolute worst case scenario, and then creating a positive mind-fuck of playing out the absolute best scenario, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up this fear – and fear letting go of this anxiety and instead of trusting myself – instead starting to rely on myself and know that regardless of what point I am going to face in this world – I will walk through it – I will get to the other side – and I will not give up and give in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto an character of I am not able to trust myself, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto this character in the context of money, career and education, and thus constantly belittle myself in my mind, and perpetually feed this fear in my mind that I will not be able to make it, and that I will not be able to stand, and that I will not be able to walk through and direct my life and living effectively, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not say – NO – this is ENOUGH – I will not base my life and my decisions on fear and self-distrust – I will instead base and will my life based upon self-trust – and I will walk my life without fear and make the best out of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place my energy, my physical energy and life force into creating solutions that are best for all – and as such I commit myself change my starting point in life – from survival – to birthing solutions – birthing constructive practical solutions that will benefit my life and the lives of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the future in my mind, and plan ahead for several years, from a starting point of fear and securing my own survival, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is not a solution – and how this is not the way to go – but that this only makes me internalize myself in my mind even more – and doesn’t contribute to life on earth – doesn’t contribute to this existence – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and hold myself back in my application and movement in life in the belief that I have to hold unto my own survival and fear

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into this survival character of attempting and trying to control my life in order for me to survive, and I utilize dreams, projections, and experiences of fear in order retain and feel in control of my life, I immediately stop myself, I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and I commit myself to breathe and bring myself back into and as my human physical body – and stand up and say – NO – NOT ANYMORE – from here on I direct my life without fear and I do so from a starting point of establishing LIFE on earth as what is best for all – that is my purpose and that is my direction

2012 And How I Came To Fall In Love With Desteni

I had just finished the gymnasium and I was searching for something, I wanted there to be something in life more exciting than money – something meaningful – something that I could dedicate my life towards, and find true enjoyment doing; so far I hadn’t found anything that I could completely immerse myself in, I hadn’t found anything that fulfilled me – so I felt empty.

It was in this state of emptiness that I decided to travel the world too see if I could find what I was looking for outside the borders of my birth-country – I went to Asia – I found nothing – what was I looking for? What was it that was missing in my life? How come that nothing of what I did felt valuable, substantial, of any worth? How come I felt empty at all times? What was it that was missing?

I tried following my dream – to become an artist – I thought that maybe me becoming an artist would fulfill me? I managed to find a gig, I managed to play in-front of a crowd – I managed to get a couple of people to tell me that I was good at singing, and good at playing guitar – yet still – what is it that is missing? Why can’t I be satisfied with myself? Why does it feel as if there always something left be done, no matter how much do?

I wanted an answer – I wanted to be able to enjoy myself – I remembered my childhood clearly – I knew that when I was young I had experienced myself differently – I had been able to enjoy myself, and find the most simple things to be so utterly fascinating, and exciting – playing football with my friends – bathing in the lake – having a pet lizard, feeding it and looking at how it ate small worms – building villages out of sand, and then playing with the small sand houses – I remembered this time well, and I knew that as I had grown older – this ability of mine that I had possessed as a child, to be able to immerse myself in the movement of the moment, had gone missing.

Something had to be done – an answer had to be found – a solution had to be created – I couldn’t continue to live and experience myself as I did – I wanted to return to my childhood experience of myself – but how? Where was the answer? And why was I the only one that felt as I did? Didn’t anyone else feel that, as they came to grow and become older, they slowly but surely ran stale, like water once running freely and abundantly in a lake, but year by year slowly and almost unnoticeably drying out, until one day no more water remains – that was how I felt – like a fountain of water that didn’t anymore have access to it’s water supply – there was something missing.

I found spirituality – I found meditation – I found the belief in ascension – this made somewhat sense I thought and I tried to empty my mind, too breath and somehow change the experience of myself, and find some type of peace, or comfortableness – this didn’t work – I wanted it to work – I deceived myself into believing that it worked, but in essence I remained the same – still this same restlessness – this same unease – this experience of wanting to go somewhere, yet no matter how many times I got there – there was still another there to go to.

Then I found Desteni – due to my experience of myself, as having realized that I was empty, that there was something missing in my life, and that there was something fundamentally flawed and wrong with how I experienced, expressed, lived myself – I knew that that this was in-fact the answer I had been looking for – I was ready to hear – more than ready to hear – I understood that I had somehow, without me realizing, or seeing it died during my years of coming to age, and I knew that Desteni offered and shared the practical way of bringing myself back to life – self-forgiveness – self-corrective application – self-honesty – common sense and breath.

I was looking for my youth – for the ability a child owns of being able to enjoy themselves without any addiction needed to be fulfilled – no love – no sex – no weed – no alcohol – no dreams – no money – no success – no power – no ascension – simply living self-enjoyment here – no more and no less – this was what Desteni showed me – how this can be done – how the expression of living as the innocence of a child can be re-created and re-stored – this was what I had been looking for all along.

None of my friends understood or saw what Desteni presented – the reason – they were all to satisfied with holding on to their perceived experienced of satisfaction, created through the usage of various drugs – whether it be sex – whether it be alcohol – whether it be drugs – they simply didn’t want to face that inner experience of emptiness and pointlessness that I came to see and experience within me – this experience that I had for quite some time been suppressing with the usage of drugs and additives; but no more – I wanted to exist without additives – without a constant need of placing myself into an experience of fabricated bliss – that really was only me not being aware of myself anymore – but existing completely secluded from reality and how I in-fact felt.

Desteni presents the most important message ever shared with mankind – Desteni presents the way back to innocence – the way back to self-expression – the way back to self-trust – the way back to self-enjoyment – the way back to ourselves – we’ve all been children – we all know how it is to laugh because we so much enjoy expressing ourselves in the most simple and rudimentary ways – Desteni offers all that apply the tools presented the way back to the ability to laugh – too enjoy moments seemingly boring and uneventful – Desteni offers substance to fill the experience of emptiness we all carry inside ourselves – filling ourselves with ourselves – making ourselves to become substantial, practical, and physical beings.

Thus – I am the example that our childhood can’t be lost – it can only be forgotten – though it’s our responsibility to bring ourselves back to life – to end the existence of ourselves as lost in a mind – lost in thinking – lost in feeling – lost in perceiving – lost in believing – and first and foremost – lost in FEAR – though all of these mental delusions can be deleted – and what can be placed in it’s stead is actual self-experience, and actual self-expression – this is something that mustn’t be missed out on – though it’s up each and everyone – we all have free choice – we either birth ourselves yet again, or we remain stagnant until we finally run dry and die.

Life is waiting for you to take it upon yourself to bring yourself back from the dead – what are you waiting for?

Featured Art Work by Andrew Gable
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Ann Van Den Broek
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