Tag Archives: memory

Day 362: Remembering Things

Sometimes I have difficult remembering things and usually it will be things like buying certain types of foods, or taking care of this or that responsibility. To prevent it I have tried various techniques, such as for example, using my calendar more effectively, using checklists and writing things down immediately. To a certain extent this has worked well, however, I still find that there is a tendency within me to forget.

Another interesting aspect of this is that I do not have the same difficulties in my job, or with points that are in the sphere of my interests and hobbies, or with other things that I care deeply about. I have thus seen that this point of having difficulty to remember certain things is not about memory in itself, it is about who I am in relation to memory and how I have conditioned myself to exist within myself in certain moments.

Let me share an example; a family member comes into my life. This person says asks me whether I am able to pick up X after work. I tell the person that sure, I can do that. The family member then proceeds the explain the details of the pick-up to me. This would then be a moment where I would start to feel slightly bored, unfocused, and zone out. Not because I have a short attention span, but because I do not value this particular aspect of my life as much as I would with for example my work. Hence, I would not put as much energy/presence/focus into this moment as I would if I had instead, as an example, received instructions from my colleague. The consequence of this pattern is that I would miss important information that my family member shares with me, or that I would only integrate the information on a superficial level in my mind, and that it would because of that disappear at a later stage.

What I have realized is that the real issue is how I value things, and in particular, that I have created a belief that I only have a limited amount of attention/presence/life to give to each part of my life – and that I am thus not able to value all parts of my life equally.

The solution is to push myself to value all parts of my life equally. Practically, this I will do by pushing myself to be present and fully here in all contexts of my life, and in particular, when there is a moment of relaying information, because then, if I am not fully here, I will miss the information and create consequences for myself and others at a later stage. I also see that part of the solution involves creating routines for writing down the things that I have to remember, and learning how to integrate and use a calendar more effectively in my daily life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I only have so much energy that I can spend, and that I cannot be fully invested in all parts of my life, but that I need to save, and spend my energy carefully, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that when I am HERE – I have full access to the moment and there is no need for an energy/feeling/emotion to drive me – I drive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to remain attentive, focused and HERE when it comes to planning, discussing and sharing responsibilities in my home environment – and I see, realize and understand that the solution is not complex, advanced, or difficult to apply, it simply to change WHO I AM in the moment of interaction, and instead be HERE fully

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to be effective in my life, I must be HERE, and that I will create consequences for myself by placing different values on different parts of my life – because what I am doing then is that I am separating myself from that very aspect of my life – and instead approach it within either a high strung energy or a low strung energy – instead of simply walking that part of my life as a physical being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value my home environment, my personal and family relationships as much as I do with for example, work, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is showing me something about myself, and my relationship with me, where I thus must ask myself, where am I not valuing my personal relationship with me? Where am I placing my relationship and agreement with myself second, but instead giving all of myself to for example, work?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value my personal relationship with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my personal relationship with myself seriously

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take myself seriously

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my relationship with my body seriously, but to instead value work more, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create these very defined, compartmentalized rooms in my life, where I place a certain value on the content of each room, instead of accepting and allowing myself to approach my life as a whole, as one, and thus not create any separation within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself, and believe that it is normal, and that it is good for me to place a higher value on my work for example

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be HERE in all parts of my life, and to value the manifestations and expressions of my life equally, to look at all that is here as ONE, and not compartmentalize and limit myself, and believe that I only have ‘so much energy’ to spend, and that I thus must keep myself contained, limited, and held back, to be able to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my survival is dependent upon me holding myself back, keeping myself in check and in control, and to believe that I must sparsely give of myself in my life, that I must save, and not waste myself on anything unnecessary, because then, apparently, I will not have the energy to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my survival is dependent on me not squandering my attention/focus/presence on things that are not important to me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself – believing that my attention/focus/presence is limited and that I must save it – that I must keep it tight and close to my heart – because else I might spend it unwisely and then I will not have anything left for the important parts of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place value on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the value within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize real value – to not see that I do have value – and that my value is what I gift to this world that supports life to move towards expressing its utmost potential

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself ‘zoning out’ when I am discussing responsibilities and commitments, or other things, that include a dimension of remembering something for later, I take a breath, I bring myself back here – and I stop myself – and I see, realize and understand that when I do this – what I create is forgetfulness – because I was not HERE – fully – completely in the moment – the information does not integrate – hence I commit myself to be BREATH and come back here in the physical and attentively listen to what the other is saying – and ask questions if anything is unclear – and then – if the point that must be remembered lies some time ahead in the future – as soon as I have the possibility to do so – I write the information down in my calendar

I commit myself to practically value all parts of my life equally, through pushing myself to be equally focused/attentive/here regardless of where I am at – regardless of whether I am at work – or whether I am at home


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Day 275: Paranoia – The Fear of Forgetting Things

forgetting-thingsParanoia when it comes to forgetting and missing things, that is a point that has been recurring for me recently. In my line of work, it is all about the details, and here I am not exaggerating – it is ALL about the details. Hence it is different from ‘normal’ life in the sense that, when in your normal day-to-day living, you do not necessarily have to be very focused, specific or thorough. You can get by in a state of half-awareness; do things sloppily, and half-assed – your life will still work out quite okay.

However, in my line of work, you cannot do that. This has thus been a big change for me. The way I have handled this is through paranoia, were I have basically utilized fear/anxiety to drive me to constantly check if I have forgotten something. This is not effective for several reasons, though primarily; it is not effective because I go into a emotional state, thus investing energy in being emotional, forgetting my physical living/application HERE. And also, existing in a state of paranoia makes me mentally unstable, were I am not effective/specific when it comes to directing my life, and making decisions – because what takes precedence is the experience – not my actual physical movement and participation HERE.

I have looked at solutions and found that to support myself to become more thorough, detailed and specific, and not miss details that must be remembered, I am able to: 1) Establish systems and routines for certain points in my work 2) Use stickers, notes and a calendar to keep track of times and what must be done at what time 3) Be FULLY HERE, AWARE and FOCUSED when I apply myself in my job, so that I am certain that I actually walked all the points required.

Another aspect of this paranoia is that it only comes up in relation to work/career. Fact is that I am not particularly good at remembering things, being specific, thorough and detailed outside of the office, however, because there is no money at stake in my leisure time, I do not care as much. Thus, this shows me that the real, underlying core fear is that of survival and money. I fear losing money, I fear not being able to survive, and that is the driving force. This is also interesting, that I require having money, and a fear of survival to drive me to develop skills such as thoroughness, being specific and detailed.

Another aspect of having fear of survival and money as my current motivation is that I do not approach my work in a supportive manner – because if would be no fear, what come through is a curiosity, and a desire to expand and learn – a desire to become more effective at what I am doing. Then there is no fear involved, instead it is a genuine interest to empower myself and become the best that I can be that drives me forward – and that is obviously a far more potent and healthy source of motivation than fear and stress. When I motivate myself because I want to improve, then there is no fear or anxiety that preoccupies me, instead I am clear, physical, stable – moving myself in every breath to become the best that I can be.

Hence, it is clear, that this paranoia, and fear is something that I can replace with a genuine drive and care to improve and expand myself – both in my work and home environment.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change my starting point in relation to work, so that instead of being fear driven, I drive myself forward from within and as the desire to improve myself, to become better and more effective, to enhance myself, and to empower myself in learning more skills and abilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not establish systems and routines to make sure that I do not forget anything when it comes to preparing myself and working through my responsibilities and commitments in relation to work and home life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that paranoia is a outflow consequence of me not being present – directive and aware – and certain in what I am doing – and that there as such is room for me to improve – so that I become thorough and specific in all and everything that I take on and walk

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all reactions of the mind have their gifts – that there is something that I can learn and take with me to expand and empower myself – and with paranoia and this process in my work – it is that I can learn to be more specific, thorough and focused – and create these skills within me – and learn how to be prepared and certain on who I am in relation to the points in my life that I have taken responsibility for

Self-commitment statements

When and as I notice myself wanting to go into a state of fear/paranoia, that I have forgotten or missed something, I take a breath, I stop, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that these experiences cannot help me in my line of work, that I will not empower myself through giving into these experiences, and that instead, I can only empower and truly create myself through physically living, and building myself as words – and thus I commit myself to live specificity within me – through double checking the informationseeing whether I have forgotten anything – and then let it go if I reach the conclusion that no I haven’t forgotten anything

I commit myself to practice using routines and systems to make sure that I do not jump a step in my work – and that I walk all the necessary steps required in relation to my work responsibilities

I commit myself to practice being thorough and slowing myself down when working with my responsibilities – to make sure that I do not miss a step

I commit myself to have my starting point and motivation be that of me wanting to expand and improve myself and become the best that I can be in relation to my work – and thus I commit myself to stop fear and instead use my desire to improve and grow as the WHY of my movement forward