Tag Archives: Mental Health

Day 100: Stop The Fear

After having studied for my exams today I experienced myself physically tired and exhausted and I am sure that this has something to do with who I am within my studies, how I study, in what state of presence and mind I am when it is that I am studying.

What I can see is that I am often going into a stress and nervousness, and the mechanics of this is quite simple, is that I project myself into the future, look at how much I think I have to do, read, and study, then go into a fear that I won’t be able to do all of these tasks that I’ve projected into the future, and that accordingly this will cause me to fail on my exam.

Another interesting point that relates to this is how I tend to want to study more, take more courses, take more educations, and when I look at where this is coming from, I can see that also this is arising from a sense of fear, a sense of panic and anxiety, wherein I will do everything I can possibly do in order to ensure my security, and my financial stability. It’s really quite absurd, because in walking and applying myself in this stress and anxiety, what I am doing is that I am really destroying my physical body, creating harmful consequences for myself, and in a way, this way of living will result in me becoming “burned out” so to speak, or “walking into the wall” – wherein I simply push to hard without considering that I must actually tend to, and listen to my physical body, and that it’s simply detrimental to go into anxiety, and fear to and towards the various challenges and hoops one face in this worlds, wherein exams are one of those.

The point I must continue to work with is thus fear of survival, and I must within this push myself to be much more specific, because it’s obvious that I create these experiences of myself through participating in thoughts, yet at the moment these thoughts are not clearly defined and visible for me, they move to fast, so I must slow down, breath, and look at exactly what it is that I am creating within myself that leads to me placing myself in a experience of possession.

What I also see is that I can support myself physically to not go into this state of being through allowing myself to take a walk, go and swim, or go to the gym – wherein I instead of being in this state of running, allow myself to physically slow down, and just be HERE with my body, and another point that can assist with this is to listen to classical music when I study, so that I slow down, and that I am not in this possession when I am applying myself in my world, because that is what gets to me.

Thus, it’s time I commence operation slowing down, and I mean, this relates to my last blog, where I said I would expand more on how to live the word CARE practically and physically, because doing this for myself, is living real care – because I see what I and my body require, and I act upon that, thus caring for myself and my human physical body – and that is where my care my start – with myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a perpetual state of running through life, wherein I am running towards something as a point of success, as a point of being more than, as a point of being better than, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this state of trying to get through, trying to move myself to something, become something, excel in something, instead of accepting and allowing myself to remain HERE within and as my human physical body, and excel in that which matters, which is amongst other things to care for myself in real physical time – which implies that I slow down, that I don’t accept and allow myself to stress, to be nervous, to be anxious, and to be fearful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a constant state of stress, of pushing myself through life as a way of trying to achieve some form of greatness that I believe I must reach, as a point that I’ve created in my mind – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how me pushing for this particular point isn’t effective, and that I am doing it from a starting point of stress, anxiousness and fear – and that I am within this not considering, listening to or caring for my human physical body in anyway whatsoever – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and commit myself to stop running around in my mind, trying to reach something, or become something, or be something, to instead be here in every moment of breath – and to walk my day within and as the physical here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself through life from a starting point of fear and anxiety, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become numb to life, and to separate myself from life, wherein I constantly and continuously exist within and as this state of inferiority and feeling that I am inferior to life, and that I thus must prove myself to life, I must become something valid and worthy in the eyes of life before I am able to accept myself and recognize myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and to unconditionally allow myself to be here within and as my body, to realize that I am chasing ghosts in my mind and in that processing I am in fact destroying my body, which is my life support, which is the point that allows me to be here in this physical reality and experience this world and this moment of breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define going out for a walk, going to the gym, or going swimming as a waste of time, because then I am apparently not producing anything that is of apparent worth, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my definition of worth to be only in relation to money, and in relation to making something out of myself in this system wherein I can be seen by others as special, as unique, as perfect – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here, and accept and allow myself to stop chasing for something – and too realize that I am able to walk and take on points in the system, but that this doesn’t define who I am – because I am here – and I walk within and as the physical and I don’t walk in this state of stress and anxiety as that is simply not a valid way to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for, and desire, and want to acquire and retain a position in the matrix of being regarded as superior, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of constant stress and anxiety that I won’t be able to reach and attain and withhold such a position in the system, and that accordingly my life will be boring, it will be without passion, it will be without heat, it will simply be a daily routine of walking through my life and doing nothing what-so-ever – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, and within this accept and allow myself to unconditionally stop this stress, to realize that this idea that I must attain a position, it’s a falsity, it’s a creation of my mind and not a actual reality of physical living – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live HERE – and commit myself to make life a expression of here where I do regard my body as the living breathing entity that it in-fact is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with my plans for the future in relation to career and money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of whether or whether not I will achieve a so to speak, “successful” career – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be competitive, and try to win over others, and attempt and try to defeat others, in the belief that the only way I able to gain respect and recognition in this world is through being seen by others as majestic, powerful, effective, and strong and above the normal – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a deep breath and to bring myself back here to and as my human physical body and remove this anxiety, this fear, this nervousness that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, and realize that I don’t require to for me to be stable – here with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in this current day and age, to be successful is not a sign of who you are as a human being, it’s all about luck, and it’s all about where you’re born, as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to impress upon, and try to win and prove myself in this world through getting the perfect job, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is obviously not the way to go, and that in doing this, I will simply miss out on myself, and spend my life in fear and attempting to become, instead of realizing that I can take a breath, and bring myself back here, and within that accept and allow myself to stop searching to find myself here, and be kind to myself here, and physically care for myself and human physically body here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I can align myself within and as the understanding that I can walk in this world, but not be of this world – I can make decisions, and walk my process of getting a job, of finishing my education, of getting a career, but not in anyway allowing this to define who I am; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally align myself within and as this realization – that I can accept and allow myself to let go of my fears – and live here – because fear sucks practically speaking

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into this stress, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand how ridiculous it is that I am fearing my future, that I am fearing what grades I will receive, that I am living in fear, because I mean, what’s the point of living if all I am doing is to fear; as such I commit myself to laugh and to simply take a breath, and shake this fear of and take myself into and as my human physical body

When and as I see that I go into anxiety, fear of the future, and I notice how I become all pumped up within myself because I exist within and as this extreme fear, panicky feeling, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how ridiculous it is to exist within and as this state of panic and fear – because obviously it doesn’t do anything for me what-so-ever – and thus I commit myself to laugh and to simply myself back here, because I won’t accept and allow myself to live out my life in fear of the future, as I instead will live my life fully in every moment of breath in stability, certainty and self-trust

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Day 20: Test-anxiety – What If? (Part 10)

Now it’s about 15 days left to my exam, and usually I spend these days studying in a library, or at home – I try to do this as consistently as possible, and when I am doing this I exist within a fear that I will loose time – and this fear exists because of a “what if?” that comes up within me – and this “what if?” is – “what if I won’t learn, and remember enough?”

This fear have now come up within me because I am planning to during my study period go and visit my mother, and as such leave the comfort-zone of my libraries, and my apartment – and thus the fear came up as to “what if I won’t learn enough?”

Now – what I am able to see is that the “what if I don’t learn enough?” – it’s only a layer – it’s to top layer – and behind this fear there is the point of failing at the test – because that is obviously the outcome of not learning enough – and behind this point lies the fear of not getting a good job after I am done with my studies – or getting a job at all, and because of this getting stuck in the system in some average, and meaningless wage-slavery job; this is the origin of my fear – the fear of becoming a worthless person – or obviously – what I’ve been instructed, and taught to be a worthless person.

Within this I am able to see that I’ve for most of my life been very busy with trying to learn, and do new things – in order to not remain stuck, and become a lifeless nobody. And through-out my life I’ve had this feeling in me that there is something more meant for me – and that I will not only become a wage-slave – I won’t only spend my life in this city, or town – I will move myself, and I will become things – something extraordinary and special – and I am able to see that I am still holding unto this idea, and belief – and this is causing much anxiety, and conflict within me – that I feel pressured to reach, and uphold this ideal image of myself as to what I am to become in this life, and what I am not to become – and this is obviously not very cool at all – thus I will apply self-forgiveness, and place self-commitment statements on this point.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea of myself that I am to become, and be something special in this life – that my life is to become unique, and that I am not to be like everyone else – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear, and a anxiety of being average – of being normal – of being “like everyone else” – in thinking and believing that me being like everyone else will make me less than what others are – and that I will as such be a inferior human-being and not be able to enjoy myself – or do something worthwhile with myself

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety, and fear within myself through chasing after a ideal, a dream, and a idea – a belief that I am to be, and become something more – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath – and to accept myself as already being something/someone – a body – a physical entity here – and that I do not need more than me being here with myself within and as the physical – and that really this idea I have in my head of me becoming something more – it isn’t real – it’s a illusion – it’s a idea that I’ve taken on from my parents and not something of substance and reality

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel, and experience – and go into and as a fear, and anxiety when the time comes for my exams – because I fear not being the best – and being average – thinking that when I am average – that this means that I am nothing, and that I am useless – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how this is a belief that I’ve adopted from my parents – and that it’s in-fact not me – it’s not me thinking, and believing this – it’s me listening to my pre-programming and defining myself according to my pre-programming – instead of asking myself “who am I?” – “who is it that I want to be?” – “how is it that I want to experience myself here?”

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that every time that I’ve failed at a test, or a exam – or something of the like – I’ve felt like I’ve lost something – and I’ve been miserable – yet within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I haven’t actually, and for real – lost something – because I’ve remained here with my physical through out the entire experience – and as such the point of me loosing myself – it’s not real – the entire idea of feeling miserable because I’ve failed with a test is not real – but merely an idea, and a point of non-sensical pre-programming – that holds no relevance to and as reality

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how the idea of becoming something more, that idea of becoming special – and having something more in this life waiting for me out there – is in-fact a illusion – and only serves to keep me stuck in hope, and in waiting – wherein I wait for something to happen to me – to something to come to me – and for me life to begin – instead of me stopping waiting – stopping feeling like there is something more that’s going to happen to me in this life – and instead living that more in every moment of breath – through moving myself here with and as my human physical body – one breath at a time – here

6. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how the concept of being average, and being more – is in-fact products of competition, and comparison – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how these points can only exist as thoughts, as thinking – and that in this physical reality – all points are physically here – neither more than, or less than – but simply what the point is here as the physical; and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to align myself with and as that which is real as this physical existence as living within and as the physical in oneness and equality here

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I am feeling/thinking that I am to become something special, and more in this life – that my life is to become unique, and that I am not to be like everyone else – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that what I experience is not of reality – it’s a mind-delusion – a point that can only exist in my head – because in the physical – everything is HERE – there is nothing more, or less than – but instead every point is simply here as what it exists as in this moment; as such I commit myself to stop feeling that my life is to become anything – and instead live in every moment here – to my fullest and most complete presence in every moment – not taking anything for granted

2. When and as I see, and notice that I am chasing after an ideal, a dream, and a idea – a belief that I am to be, and become something more – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in this world – most people seek to become famous, and that this is what is perpetuated in media over-all – though – this doesn’t mean that fame is real – meaning – that fame makes someone more than another; as such I commit myself to stop searching to become more than another – because it’s not real – and I instead commit myself live in the simplicity of every moment – as the simplicity of one single breath – seeking nothing – needing nothing – being here

3. When and as I see, and notice that I go into fear, and anxiety of becoming, and being average – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – average, and more – less and more – that is consciousness illusions that are promoted in this world due to there being no understanding in humanity as to what is real – and what is life – and what is living; as such I commit myself to stand as the example of stopping this nonsense – and within this allowing myself to be comfortable with myself regardless of where, what, or who I am in this world – as such accepting MYSELF – and not trying to accept the image, and presentation of myself – because that isn’t real to begin with

4. When and as I experience fear, and anxiety towards failing at my exam – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – this fear is not real – because I fear that I will loose myself when I fail the test – but – I won’t – nothing will happen to me at all if I fail the test – I will simply have failed the test and physically still be here; as such I commit myself to stop fearing points that pose no danger at all – and as such stop existing, and letting myself be ruled by irrational fear – and instead practice looking at things in common sense – and walking each point that emerge here within and as the silence of breath

5. When and as I see that I am striving for, hunting, and trying to become something more – and excel to be something better – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that excelling to become something more – that is not real – excelling from a starting point of me honing, and practicing a skill – a application – that is real – because – when I remain the same within me – that makes a point real – because then I am the directive principle – I am the decision maker – and I decide who I am – and I walk with and as the physical here – and not allowing myself to be ruled by a experience – experience are never real; as such I commit myself to walk with my physical – and to within this not define myself according to what I do in this life – but remain the same – as one breath – here

6. When and as I see, and notice that I am fearing to become average – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – being average, and being more – those are ideas based upon competition and comparison – and are as such not a product of natural physical movement – but are of the mind – as illusion – as mental reality projected unto the physical; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here – and to be with my body in oneness and equality – and to stop comparing me to another – and stop competing with another – and instead focus upon me – and who I am within and as myself

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Day 6: Leave Me Be – I Am Depressed!

A character that I took note of yesterday was the depression-character – and this is a character that I’ve noticed I am holding unto even though I can clearly seen when it is that I go into this character, or way of being.

depression2I have seen that when I go into the depression character – I become less communicative, I become passive, held back, and I generally feel like everything is a drag – something that I am forced to participate within even though I don’t really want to. What I’ve seen is that I will have within me an awareness that “oh – how quiet I suddenly became, and how strict, and tense I became in my participation – there must be something going on here!” – yet my self-honesty stops there – because there problem is that I am not in that moment saying to myself – “ok – shit – now I’ve gone into the depression character – let’s move myself out of this crap!” – and the physically moving myself out of the state of being through deliberately pushing myself to be physical in the moment – which might include communicating with people, or if I am by myself in my apartment – leaving my apartment to take a walk – or apply self-forgiveness on the point.

The consequences of me existing in this character is something is that not only me – but my entire environment become affected – if I am around people I am able to see this the most clearly. People around me become more silent, introverted, and seemingly fearful of communicating and interacting with me – which is probably because I look pretty down so to speak – and as if I am at the verge of a breakdown, ready to attack any poor soul that dare to disturb me in my moment of grief.

I can also see how this character affects me personally – the consequence of me participating in this character is that I miss out on a lot of opportunities to have fun – to interact and express myself – and I instead up feeling that “everyone else but me is having fun!” – “what about me!” – when it’s really myself that have placed me into the experience of the depression – and it’s me that have decided that apparently I am not capable of moving myself out of the character as I see that I become possessed within it.

The point to apply self-forgiveness upon is thus justifying holding unto the depression character, and also justifying not taking action when it is that I see I enter a specific character – and also clearly see the solution in the moment.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the depression character – and within me seeing that I am going into the depression character – justify why I should remain in the depression character – through thinking that I am not able to change the depression I experience into and as self-expression here – and that this depression character is apparently something that is superior to me that I am not able to do anything about – or change – or direct in anyway what-so-ever – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am able to change my experience of myself as the depression character – and I in-fact see the solution – which is physical self-movement in the moment

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of justifications when I enter the depression character – instead of going into immediate self-application – in changing the character immediately as I see I become this character in my physical living – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how simple it is to change a character in the moment – and that all it takes is a clear decision – and then living that decision into and as the physical – and as such pushing change – bringing forth change through a directive statement of who I am in the moment – and I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that – sure – this takes somewhat more effort than remaining in the character – yet within me pushing myself out from the state of depression – I am in-fact opening up the possibility for myself to enjoy myself and have – which is much better than being stuck in a character – and in always worth the effort

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to endorse the characters coming up within me – and hold unto the characters – thinking that the characters are a part of me – and if I was to let them go – and change them – then this would mean that I also disappear – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that this is merely a justification that I use in order to not have to go through the effort of actually changing myself in a moment – when it is that I see a transcendence point is emerging and coming into my awareness here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself through the resistance – and see that there is absolutely nothing to fear in letting go of characters – and that what I experience is merely some birth pains that will subside when I am done with the birthing process

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice, and perfect the skill of immediate self-change – wherein I accept and allow myself to in the moment that I notice I go into a particular character – to immediately formulate a directive statement within me as to who I am – and how I am going to live in that moment – and what will be my expression in that moment – and as such immediately change myself from existing as a limited energy junky – as a character – into living within oneness and equality with my human physical body here

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel, think and believe that characters are superior to me – and utilize this feeling, these thoughts, and these beliefs – in order to create an experience within me that I am really inferior to the characters coming up within me as conglomerations of thoughts, feelings, emotions, pictures, memories, and other mind components – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am really in-fact – deliberately – inducing this state of feeling and experiencing myself as less than within myself – so that I can have something to blame – so that I do not have to change myself in-fact

6. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize energy, and experiences to make myself inferior to the thoughts coming up within me mind – and to the physical characters that activate as I move through my day – and believe that this experience of inferiority is real – is relevant – and that is a point that I should honor within and as my participation and movement of myself within and as this world – not seeing, realizing and understanding that this experience of inferiority is in-fact a lie – a lie that I use in order to keep myself stuck in my mind – in fear of coming out into the physical and really living – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not get out in the physical to really live – to see that there is nothing to fear about letting go of the mind – I mean – sure it’s a new experience to live here with the physical – but it is in itself absolutely nothing to fear – it’s merely a new experience – and a new way of living – as such something that could be fun – and enjoyable to investigate if I simply accepted and allow myself to live that enjoyment

7. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be strict, and disciplined with myself – in terms of pushing myself to participate here within and as breath – and to utilize each moment as a opportunity for change – and not use a moment as a opportunity to remain stuck in cycles of past moments – as points that I’ve made to be memories within me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that – it’s simply a point to practice – to change myself here immediately – and to see each moment as a opportunity for change – and that it’s not something to fear – not something to live up to – and to something to resist – it’s merely a point of change that is lived here – one decision – and then it’s done

8. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the resistance I experience towards changing myself – is in-fact fear – fear of becoming real – fear of being real in this world – and reality – and fear of getting out of my mind to face in real time the shit that I’ve accepted and allowed to exist here – and to really see – understand – the mess that I’ve placed myself into – and the severity of the situation – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that really – it’s nothing to fear – because whether I avoid seeing what is here or not – the shit is still here – thus – it’s for more effective to simply decide to get out of my mind – to then apply that point – get out of my mind – and get back here – and start walking through the shit that I’ve manifested and created in this world – and then be done with it – instead of hiding in resistance – and fear – which really does nothing at all but postpone the inevitable of facing the consequences that I’ve accumulated here

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I am justifying why I should remain in the depression character – through thinking that I am not able to change the depression I experience into and as self-expression – here – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – this is me lying to myself so I won’t have to change – which is really stupid – because changing myself is far more better than remaining as a mind – secluded and limited to only exist within and as energy constructs of the mind; as such I commit myself to stop justifying not changing myself – and immediately commence to take action – through physical self-movement here – doing what is I see is required to get me back here

2. When and as I see that I do not go into immediate self-application as I notice that I go into the depression character – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – hey – this depression character really isn’t fun to exist, and live as – really – it sucks, it’s boring, it’s uncomfortable – and I already know exactly where the road ends – as such I commit myself to act – and push myself to live immediate self-correction as I see that I go into a point that is compromising for myself or another

3. When and as I see that I am using fear – as the fear of loosing myself – to hold unto characters of the mind and justify why I do not change myself; I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – sure it will take effort to change myself – but it’s gotdamn worth it! I mean – I’ve already proven this to myself countless of times in regards to the points of my living that I’ve already changed; as such I commit myself to stop postponing change through going into fear – and then only when I’ve seen that the fear is not real – to then change – but to immediately go to change without first going through the entire and unnecessary experience of justifying myself existing as the character

4. I commit myself to practice, and perfect the skill of immediate self-change – as the point of when I see that I go into a character – to immediately in that moment make a directive statement of who I will accept and allow myself to be – and then live that physically – practically – here – as such short-circuiting my process – not having to go through an entire process of going into the character – seeing that I have subdued to the character – and then justifying me remaining in the character – and first then – considering changing and moving myself out of the character

5. When and as I see that I am thinking, and feeling that the mind-characters that comes up within me – are superior and better than me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that the characters coming up within me are not superior or better than me – in-fact this experience that I am having is merely an attempt from me to not have to change myself – because apparently it is to much work – and it takes to much effort – not realizing that this takes the same amount of effort for me to justify me remaining limited – and fighting me changing myself; as such I commit myself to simply change when I see that the moment of change has opened up and is here – and let myself walk the change without sabotaging for myself through creating all of these insane and unnecessary experiences

6. When and as I see, and notice that I am believing that the experience of inferiority coming up within me towards the thoughts coming up within me, and the characters that activate through-out my day – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – I am not inferior to the mind and the points coming up within me – this is only a convenient truth that I’ve created for myself – convenient because it implies that I am not able to change myself – and that I have not responsibility in terms of what is going on within my mind; as such I commit myself to see the real truth – which is that I accept and allow what goes on within me – and that at the end of the day – I stand responsible for each point that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as through-out my day – I can’t blame the mind – and I can’t blame anyone else – because it’s only me that is existing within me

7. I commit myself to be strict and disciplined with myself in terms of utilizing each moment of breath as a opportunity to change – as opportunity to stabilize myself and to take a breath and be here with and my human physical body – and equalize, and amalgamate myself with the physical – and not go into the mind

8. When and as I see, and notice that I experience fear/resistance towards changing myself – and directing myself – stopping my habitual participation in the mind and getting back into the physical reality – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath – and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – really – there is nothing to fear about becoming real – and seeing for real what is going on here – and taking responsibility for what is existent in myself and in this reality as a whole – in-fact it’s much worse to wait – and pretend to be a slave to my mind – and exist in a state of postponement – because that implies suffering – while changing implies – suffering yet going towards a brighter tomorrow; as such I commit myself to dare myself to change myself – and to dare to be self-honest – and face the music that is here – and go into the darkest and deepest pits of the mind – and unravel the shit – and re-create myself into a living being of integrity that stands for a world that is best for all

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