Tag Archives: motivation

Day 392: Reminders and Motivation

One point that I have found challenging in my process is to keep pushing and finding new ways to expand in times when things are working alright. This is probably true with most areas of life. When everything is fine – there is no need to put in any extra effort to make things better. Its easy that the vision of what we want to creates becomes blurred by the comfortableness of every-day life. Thus – one of the things we can do to assist and support ourselves to us on track and moving towards the future we want, both for ourselves, and everyone else, is to use reminders.

For me personally, my greatest support is a document that I have created on my computer, where I have listed the direction and goals of my life and specified areas of improvement. From time to time I revisit the document to look at what I want for myself. Then I can see in writing my own direction – and it becomes evident to me where I have slackened, and where I do not push myself sufficiently. I do this not only with goals in my external reality, but also goals in my process – such as what kind of person I want to become, what kind of stability I want to have within me, what kind of life I want to give to myself and those around me – what words I want to live. That is one of the beauties of writing – when memory fails – writing does not – it always remains the same – from the moment it has been written.

Thus keeping a list as the one mentioned above is a powerful support to remind me of what I want to achieve – it does however not support in creating a motivation to realize and fulfill those points. That motivation and drive must be found elsewhere. In my case – I draw motivation from the process and challenge of expansion – especially with my external reality – I find joy in walking the demanding path of manifesting a creation. Even if the act is rudimentary – let us say that I have made it a goal for myself to keep my house in a certain condition and that I this have to clean it – I can make the act of cleaning in itself  become expansive and enjoyable by placing focus on how I am able to improve and expand on the small aspects of the skill.

There is literally room for expansion everywhere and likewise joy to be found in most parts of life – though in order to see it – we have to be present – HERE – and willing to push through the initial resistances. If I take cleaning again – there are several aspects of this act that I can utilize to bring through motivation and within me:

  1. I can focus on improving my cleaning, becoming more specific, exact and detailed,
  2. I can place attention on the results – how I am creating the life I want with my hands,
  3. I can use the time to develop a relationship and gratefulness to my home and my possessions – revisiting them and seeing in what shape and condition they are in,
  4. I can develop body awareness by using the movements and applications of cleaning as a way to feel myself, my body, my breath, and my environment, the shape, the texture, the experience of everything.

With this list I want to show that it is possible to find a spark of self within most aspects of our life – we can find that speck of excitement and build on it and use it to develop a deep and recurring motivation, movement and direction. It is all about our starting point.

One common problem that many of us face is that we wait for motivation to come to us instead of us creating it. This is particularly true when it comes to work and career. It is commonly accepted that we must find and focus upon a career that we experience excitement and joy towards. However, what is not considered is that there are many of us that are not able to find joy in any career or work – it is simply not in our make up. Those of us in that position tend to wait for motivation to come to us – to wait for the right career to open up. Though waiting for that magical day is not a solution – in my experience – that day never comes. I have found that I have to create my own joy, my own motivation within what I do – I must establish my drive – my reason. This perspective is empowering – because it places the power to create into my own hands – instead of waiting – I decide to create. Instead of waiting to find – I define.

Thus to me – I see motivation as something I must establish and create within me – and I view myself as capable of creating motivation in anything I take part in. It takes a bit of effort – though it is possible. And I do this through establishing what within what I do that I enjoy and find meaningful – and then I focus on that point and allow my expression to come through. That point can be almost anything and it is seldom immediately connected to the literal application found in a particular type of career – usually it something deeper and more intimate. Such as it the case with cleaning – it is not really the act of cleaning that I enjoy – however – I do enjoy being specific and exact with my possessions and developing a supportive and deep relationship with my home – and that is where I draw my motivation.


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Day 458: Learning How To Act Without Motivation

During my years at the university I met countless of people that explained to me that they were not able to start a project well in advance, because they needed ‘pressure’ to move themselves. Consequentially, they ended up doing a spurt, writing their essay 48 hours before it was due. Oftentimes the result was that their assignment was compromised in some way.

I used to be the same. I had the tendency of waiting, waiting, waiting, and then, when anxiety and fear struck in, I began to move myself. However, I realized that this caused undue stress on my body and that my results were not satisfactory. Furthermore, it caused an unbalance in my life. I moved from not doing anything productive, to trying to squeeze in 20 productive hours in one day. It is obvious that such a contrast cannot be healthy. I understood that routines and a sensible balance would assist and support me to remain calm and stable – and to not go into highs or lows.

Thus, I decided to change my way of dealing with assignments/projects/deadlines. Instead of waiting to the point where stress and anxiety arose – I decided to MOVE myself. I realized that I did not need motivation. In-fact, motivation is a very limited concept – at least when it is defined as a energy that comes up from within and that allows us to move. Because if that is the case, we will always be slaves to the movement – instead of being our own masters – where we decide to move ourselves because it is the BEST thing for us to do.

In physical reality, motivation is not required. Physical reality works within the principles of physics. And in physics the laws of physics abide. One of these laws is that movement in the physical happens when we move physically – meaning – that in order for us to move a ball – we have to in someway exert physical energy unto that ball. The key here is PHYSICAL ENERGY. It is impossible to move that ball utilizing thoughts, it is impossible to move it utilizing feelings or emotions – WE MUST exert PHYSICAL force. And – exerting physical energy is NOT dependent on us feeling motivated to do so.

My assertion can be proven easily. Simply move your hand in-front of your face and shape it into a fist. Now ask yourself, were you able to do that because you felt motivated? No – you simply DID IT. And that is the secret – the REAL secret. Physical movement requires no feeling or emotional backup. Our physical bodies are in direct connection with our PRESENCE – our DIRECTION – our SOUL for a lack of a better word. When we decide to move – we move – unless of course – we are hindered by a ailment of some sort.

The reason you can shape your fist without motivation, yet feel unable to move yourself when it comes to other more extensive and complex movements/projects is because the latter requires a steady, consistent and deliberate exertion of physical energy. Most of us are not able to do that without training. The skill I am talking about here is SELF-DISCIPLINE.

For me, self-discipline means, ‘doing things even though you do not feel like it because you see that it is what is best’. And is not this the big problem everyone is dealing with? We do not feel like it, and we do not have the discipline to simply do it – and instead we depend on feeble and untrustworthy experiences such as motivation – to help us get shit done. That is not a sustainable way to live.

Self-discipline is a skill that can be developed. Yet it takes practice and it takes pushing and breaking through the invisible walls we have created for ourselves. That process can be difficult, depending on how much you believe in the idea that you need to be motivated to move. Though, it is possible to re-create ourselves in this regard – I have done it – it took a couple of years – however today – I can move myself for extended periods of time without the slightest inspiration or motivation to do so. Instead I move, because I decide to do move.

 


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Day 427: Not Settling For What Works

I had a moment a couple of days ago, as I was discussing alternative methods of child rearing together with a friend of mine. At one point my friend went into resistance, and made a case as to why one of the theories I brought forth could not work, and then shared that his life worked at the moment, and hence he had no need to bring any new ways and methods of doing things into his life.

After the discussion there were a couple of points that I brought up within me and looked, which were triggered by the subject and the principles that my friend and I discussed, the first point I looked at was how easy we accept what is here currently, as EVERYTHING that there is, and as being unalterable – forever set in stone. One example is our current money system, and the ruling ideology – capitalism. Many times when I have discussed changing this system with others, the answer that frequents has been that, ‘there is nothing to do about it, its always been like that, and it will always be like that’. It is fascinating, because looking at it with logic, it IS possible to change the current money system – it is only a behavior pattern that us humans have decided upon – it is not a law of physics – and the latter I would agree – is not able to be changed.

Hence, it is not reality that is a problem, we, ourselves, are the issue. It is the same with new theories of how to rear children. It is possible to do new things, and it is likely that these new methods will be much better than what we have had in the past. However, if we do not dare to go beyond what we have always known, and if we do not push ourselves to STRIVE for what is BEST – we will not reap the benefits. Thus, one skill that I see it is essential for me to develop is the ability to see beyond what is here currently, and to challenge myself to always go for what is the BEST – and to not settle for what works.

Settling for what works, this is a trap so many of us fall into. We settle for a job we do not like, because it provides us money, and it works. We settle for a partner that is not best for us, because it works. We settle for less than what we are able to achieve, because it works. And why do we accept and allow this? For me, it is about apathy and laziness, and then of course, fear of loss. Striving/moving towards what is BEST takes effort – it takes PUSHING and WILLING – and thus it is not something that comes through by itself. And, obviously, when striving for the BEST to manifest, what is here currently, and what works, must go. And if we fear losing what we already have, then it will be problematic to wholly GO for it.

Thus, these were a couple of realizations that I had as I looked upon the discussion I had with my friend. The tendency to accept what is here as the truth, because… it is here – and the tendency to accept what works, because… I fear really going for it, that which I see and know is BEST.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for what works, to settle for what I have done in the past, and that gives reasonable results, instead of going for it, and not settling for anything less than what is BEST, than what is a honest reflection of my true and full potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for anything less than my full potential, and then do the same with this world, to settle for less than what this world, and humanity, has the capability to become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy and apathetic, and not push, will myself, move towards what is BEST – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that achieving what is best is a matter of moving through my resistances, moving through my laziness, moving through my apathy, and wholeheartedly going for it, and not settling for anything less than that which is BEST

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my current reality, because it is my current reality, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave the point of directing, and impacting reality, up to others, that I feel and believe are more competent, and more able to direct things, and then as well, because my life works, it is okay – instead of pushing and willing myself to make my life the BEST it can be – and influencing, impacting, pushing, to make the lives of others the BEST that they can be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for anything less than what is the BEST

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to move past my resistances and look at new ways of doing things, new information, new perspectives, to be willing to challenge and let go of my idea and picture of reality, and move myself within myself, to embrace the new, to be open to the new, so that I can align and change my life, myself, according to what is BEST – and hence I commit myself to try all things – to consider all things – to look at all things – and to keep what is best

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of resistance, fear, laziness or apathy, when I stand before something new, whatever it might be, or when I see that what is in my reality only works, and that there must be a better way of doing things, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand, that through willing, pushing and moving myself to constantly empower myself, empower others, to expand, to LIVE, to stimulate myself and others, to really make life AWESOME, that is how I get to what is BEST – through being open to new information, through being open to let go of the old and embrace the new – that is how I get to what is BEST – and what is BEST that is what I want in my life – not only what works – and thus I commit myself to will myself to strive, move, and push towards what is BEST – and will myself through any resistance or fear – to consider new information – new perspectives – to be open to it all – and willing to move and create myself – and change my reality and myself – from what works – to what is BEST


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Day 420: Last-Chance-U

I have been watching a Netflix series called Last-Chance-U for a couple of a weeks now, and wow, what an awesome show. The series, which is a documentary, follows various persons involved in the junior college football team Mississippi East, and the Mississippi East community college. Its a wide range of personalities, from apathetic teenagers seeking a better life, to those seeking fame and fortune and hope to reach the NFL, to the trainers and coaches, some of whom, lives and breathes football.

Not only is the show really good, in the sense that it documents, and follows the involved participants without trying to impose upon them any kind of moral or ethics, or ‘make a point’ – it also gives a very interesting view into the human psyche. And since watching the series I have utilized the insights I gained through the show to reflect it back on myself.

There is especially one point that is prominent and general throughout the series, and that is how much all the involved persons rely on emotions to move themselves. The coaching of the players is built around the philosophy that you ‘have to be hard, else the players go slack, and they will not push themselves to their fullest’. Hence, the coaches, on many occasions, will scream, shout, attack personally, call out players, telling them they are bad, they are not doing right, they do not understand, and that they will ‘removed from the team unless they get their shit together’. It is quite clear that the intention of this approach is to generate a emotional response, and the idea behind it, is that this will then stimulate the players to do better.

Many of the players also have academic difficulties. And one of the more common problems is lack of movement. Few have the discipline and commitment required to sit down and study for longer periods of time. And hence, what many players tends to do, is that they wait, until consequences start emerging, then they will react in a emotional response of fear, and start moving themselves. Only when a emotion arise do they move themselves, thus similar to how the coaches rely on instigating emotions in their players to generate movement.

Thus, the idea that we need emotions to move ourselves, that is the general theme I picked up on. Though why do we believe that? Through my own process, what I have learned is that emotions, sure they can motivate me to move, however, the movement will seldom be as effective as it could have been, mostly because emotional movement lacks rationale and is not logically sound. It is just a movement, intense at best, however, as the emotion fades away, so does the movement, and then, another crisis or difficult experience is required to generate the next batch of emotions to fuel movement. And obviously, life becomes stressful and pressured, because movement goes from crisis to release, from crisis to release, from crisis to release, over and over again – WHEN – instead movement could be achieved through a DECISION.

Yes, it can be that simple. All we require is a decision. For example, to decide, that I will commit myself to study intently, with dedication and focus, until I am able to graduate from this school. There is no emotion required to make such a decision. There is no emotion required to see what is best for us, what makes sense, what is COMMON SENSE, and then to act upon it. All we need is our reasoning skills, and our body, and the rest, well that is up to us – if we will actually do it or not.

This is called SELF-MOVEMENT and when people realize how it works, it will undoubtedly revolutionize sports as well as our education. Because, we really do not need to invoke that deep passion for winning or the fear of losing within us, in order to do our best, and in order to perform outstandingly, all we need is ourselves.


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Day 376: Stopping The Roller Coaster At Work

I can understand why there are many that dislikes working. During those eight hours, or more, you are basically forced to do things, move, participate, act, and the primary motivation is survival. Further, at work we have to deal with forced relationships. These are relationships we have not chosen, but that come together with the work. The things mentioned are usually a recipe for inner conflict, dissatisfaction, discomfort, and many other emotional experiences; similar to Job – at the job – most of us have to face some tough shit. Though, during my process of self-purification, I have come to see that work, is really a perfect place for SELF-EXPANSION and SELF-MOVEMENT; because it offers a smorgasbord of various experiences, reactions, misaligned relationships, ripe for changing, for anyone interested in expanding and moving themselves beyond their pre-programmed self.

Hence today, I will revisit one of my more deeply ingrained patterns, that keep recurring, and you guessed right, at work. And it has to do with my relationship with superiors. A couple of weeks ago I was assigned to do a project together with a couple of my colleagues. I felt honored and proud to be selected to work with this project, because it was particularly difficult, and required a specific expertise. For some moments, a couple of days, I was in high spirits. Then, disaster struck, at one point in the project, I was not able to execute the needed actions as well as I felt was needed. I became worried and afraid that my superior would react, and went into a state of self-judgment/fear/anxiety. Thus, I am able to see that in relation to work, and in relation to producing results, I am very much driven/motivated by the perceived reactions of my superiors. If I notice that I get positive feedback, I become energetic, positive, happy, and full of drive. If the opposite happens, I become depressed, fearful, and filled with judgment.

This is not a healthy or sustainable way of relating to work. Why? Because work becomes a roller-coaster, ups and downs, highs and lows, because it is not possible for me to only do things ‘right’, to do the things solely in the way my superiors want it. Self-value, self-respect, motivation, determination, must thus be sourced from a different place – these cannot be words the I rely on my superiors to give to me – rather – I must be them myself – and stand unconditionally.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with either feelings of positiveness, when I feel that I have done something that will please my superior, or with emotions of negativity, when I experience that I have done something that will displease or aggravate my superior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become controlled by fear, and feelings of positiveness, to move myself utilizing these experiences as my motivation, my engine of driving myself forward, instead of sticking with what is practical, easy, what works, and what I can do with the time I have available – and measure my production, my results, not against what my superiors say, but rather against what I myself see for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with fear and desire – to believe, on a deep level within myself, that these are the key experiences that I require to make something out of myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, how I have missed, and devalued, the point of expressing, moving, and creating for and as myself – where it is not about fear of feeling, but about self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete when I am at work, to define my successes, or failures, in relation to how I feel that I am competing against others, as to whether I am better than them, or whether I am less than them, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that, I can express, move, and be just as effective, when I utilize self-movement, when I move myself physically, and it is not dependent upon someone say to, or telling me that I am better than, or less than anyone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value in relation to how well my superiors react to me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression, my response at work to either fear or feeling, instead of simply seeing that my superiors is about him or her, and that I do not need to define myself according to this response, and that I can find my own principles, my own movement, my own direction within life, where it is not dependent upon what someone else things of me, and how someone else reacts to me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel proud, happy, and content when I am selected to do something difficult, and then perceive that my value is higher, more than, better, than what it was before – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my value is the same, and that it does not physically change me that I was selected for this, and obviously it should not change me mentally either, because I am still the same, I am still moving myself, directing myself, within and as the same sort of considerations, it is still about me here – and my expression – and not about what someone else thinks about me and who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that my value is my own to create – that my value is about the value that I give not the perceived value that I receive from my superiors – it is about who I am – what I contribute – that I can see and clarity for myself – that is real value – value that is not defined in the limited contexts of how others react or feel towards me depending on what it is that I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that it is not about what I do – it is about who I am within what I do – thus it does not matter what project I am selected to do – or who I work with – it is about all about who I am

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a positive experience of pride, feeling appreciated, good about myself, powerful, because I perceive a superior of mine as noticed me, and either commended me, or put me to work on something that I perceive as important, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – how this experience within me does not signify real value, expansion, movement, real worth and progress, it is an experience, something that arise because of a misaligned relationship, and I see that if I participate in it, I will create its opposite polarity; thus I commit myself to breathe – and to remind myself – I do this for and as myself – I determine my own success – my own movement – my own direction – I assess myself and where I am going – and for this – I do not need nor do I require my superiors assessment – I commit myself to take back my own direction through standing with and as myself and being own pillar of support

When and as I see myself going into a negative experience of sadness, self-judgment, self-hate, failure, and falling, because I perceive that a superior of mine as judged me, or disliked what I have done, I immediately stop myself, i take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it is not about what my superior experiences – that who I am in relation to what I am doing is something that I determine – is something that I assess – and if I am satisfied with my expression – then I am satisfied – and if I am not – then I am not – and then I will push to improve – however – that has nothing to do with what my superior thinks, feels, or does; thus I commit myself to breathe deeply and release these emotions – and then for myself – look at my expression within what I am doing or have done – and see whether I am content or not – whether there is something I can learn or take with this or not

 


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Day 361: Experiencing Real Life Versus Walking Process

With process, I have noticed that it can be easy to create a rift between on the one hand walking process and on the other hand, enjoying and living a fulfilling life – where the belief that is created is that these two points are mutually exclusive. In the beginning of my process, this rift was more pronounced, however as I have continued to walk my process, what I have begun to do is to INTEGRATE my process into my DAILY LIVING.

What I have seen is the following: There are certain tools that must be used to walk process effectively, among these we find writing self to freedom, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements. In that way, process is confined to certain physical positions and movements. We must either sit behind a computer or with pen and paper in order to write, and sounding self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements, that usually requires that we are in alone. Those are the only parts of process that are bound to a certain time and space – because the REAL CHANGE process – that is walked IN daily life.

Thus, it does not make sense to separate walking process from living within and participating in our daily routines, walking our hobbies, interacting with friends, traveling, exploring, and experiencing the various opportunities of expansion that exists within life. Process should be a part of life. What I have seen, realized and understood is that if there is a sense of resistance/discomfort towards process, and feeling in a way, trapped by challenge that process represents, then there is a separation between walking process and the rest of our life – and the solution thus is to integrate process into all parts of our life.

Integrating process into our lives is simple, yet it requires us to be aware, ready and present – and open to challenge ourselves and how we have decided to live. This way of looking at and approaching process can open up new worlds to explore. For example, going to work, such a menial point, mostly seen as something undesirable, can become a way to get to know self and expand. It is thus all about WHO WE ARE within what we do – not about what we do.

This also relates closely with the point of future obsession and how it can be easy to get stuck in projections of the future and loose touch with the present. In-fact, it is not that important what we decide to do, what is important is WHO WE ARE – what we decide to do and who we decide to be within ourselves. Process, self-creation, self-expansion, and moving beyond what we considered possible for ourselves can thus be a integral part of all areas of our lives – and that is also the solution to stop separation – to stop the constant experience of conflict and separation that other wise reigns within us as we try to reach and attain the most luscious pasture that we can graze.

Thus, walking process is never something that is easy. It requires effort, dedication, diligence and movement – HOWEVER – we do not have to limit process to only certain actions and parts of our lives. Rather, process should be HERE regardless of where we are at, with process meaning that we at any given moment strive to improve, further, drive, and move ourselves to become MORE, BETTER and reach our utmost POTENTIAL.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my future, my purpose, my direction very, very seriously, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about life HERE, and that it is never about what I do, it is about WHO I AM – and that I can do all the apparent right things yet never move an inch within myself – because I have not actually moved WITHIN myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring my attention/focus/direction back HERE to myself – and place my attention on WHO I AM – place my attention on self-development – self-creation – and self-expansion in every moment of breath – to look at my daily living and see the obvious points of expansion that I can take on and begin to push those

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that a consequence of placing attention on the future, of creating conflict in relation to the future, conflict in relation to what I should become, how I should be, how I will experience myself in the future, is that I will loose touch with the physical HERE – loose touch with what is important and significant – which is my daily movement and direction HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to live an interesting and fulfilling life if I make process part of my daily living – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that this is an illusion that I have created, a belief that my life will become less if I decide to integrate process as part of my life – while this is not true – and in-fact – only an excuse and a justification for me not to live and create fully – completely – and with all of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the more I integrate process into my daily living – the more I expand – the more I am able to see – the more fulfilled and stable I become – and in-fact – I miss out on nothing at all – life thus is not supposed to be separated from process – because what is life without the drive and push to change and move self to become the best self possible?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will loose myself if I make process a part of my daily living – a part of my every moment application – not seeing, realizing and understand – that I will not loose anything – but rather CREATE a new SELF – that will be able to walk through and do something worthwhile with life – instead of going through the motions and then ending up not doing anything at all

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself having resistance towards process and applying myself because I rather want to get on with my life and just experience it, I take a breath and bring myself back here – I see, realize and understand that this separation between process and life is an illusion, something that I have created in the belief that there is something more to be experienced but myself HERE – and thus in a way trying to run away from myself – and thus I commit myself to make process part of my everyday life – through integrating process in my life in moments and in parts of my life where I see that I must expand/move/direct myself – and in the parts where I see that I am already strong – by enhancing those strengths even more – thus actively making process a part of myself and my life


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Day 342: Creating Expansion, Movement and Challenges

A year ago I finished my education and some months thereafter I began my first job. I have now worked at this job for about a year, and up until some months ago, I found most of the activities within my job refreshing and enjoyable. Most of the things were new to me, and hence I was challenged daily, which I loved. I had to really push, and exert myself to learn and expand. Then without much warning, I was through the difficult times. I had learned the basics of the job, and I was moving myself quite effortlessly within my responsibilities.

What then opened up was an experience of boredom. I could see that I was plateauing in my growth process, however, I did not see that as my responsibility. I thought that the fault was in my job, and that I had now learned the basics of my position, and that there was thus nothing in it for me any longer. What started to come through more and more was emotions; blame, depression, tiredness, apathy and listlessness. I did not see the enjoyment in my work anymore, because the challenge was gone.

Looking back at my life, I have had a tendency of taking on a new craft or skill, pushing myself diligently to learn and master it, and then, when I started to feel as if I was plateauing, I would give up and move unto something different. The consequence of this behavior was that I did not learn something in depth – I was a jack of all trades, yet master of none. This is similar to what I have been going through recently, where my job is no longer a novelty and does not supply me with challenges, difficulties, and points to overcome. It has become a job, something I know, and have to do, and nothing more.

Now, when I look at this point, one thing that stands out is how I have approached tasks, projects, skills, and also work, within a form of laziness. Not laziness from the perspective that I  compromised my work, though laziness in the sense that I expected and wanted my work or the project to give me a challenge. Inside my mind, I viewed the point I was walking into as a ‘fun house’ that was supposed to refresh and charge me up – however when the novelty disappeared – that did not happen anymore. Hence, I was lazy from the perspective that I expected to be moved, to be inspired, to be stimulated, to be pushed, and I did not approach to point from the starting point of ME standing the point of taking responsibility for myself, that I would challenge myself, that I would push myself, that I would find ways and seek new venues and expressions, so that I could move and further myself within the particular skill/ability/project/work.

The problem thus has never been, with reference to this instance, my work – no – it has always been my relationship to work, how I decided to approach and look at work. Challenge, novelty, movement, expansion, and pushing myself, I should never have expected that my work would give that to me. Obviously, when something is new, it will for a moment be challenging, however, when that honeymoon phase is past, I must take responsibility to push myself, and expand myself within my profession. At that point I cannot rely upon my work doing anything for me. Instead, I must take matter into my own hands and actively look at where I am able to learn more, where I am able to expand, where I can push and enhance myself, and where I am able to further my expression.

It is fascinating thus to see, that so far, the technique that I have used to challenge myself, has been to look up and try to place myself in challenging environments, through changing jobs, changing education, or committing myself to a new hobby. Even though this has supported me and spiced things up, it has also been a limitation, as I have not taken the responsibility, taken matter into my own hands, and really, diligently pushed myself to expand where I was at.

And another thing to take into consideration is that I can only become really good at something, if I do it several times. If I only skim the surface, how can I then ever become an expert in my field? It is not possible. In-fact, it is not the routine and repetition in itself that has been bothering me, the big problem is that I react to routine and repetition and believe myself to be limited and contained. Though, this is not true, even though there might be routine and repetition in my life, there is always room to expand, explore, push, improve and move further.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that my job will reinvent itself, and stimulate me, and that my job is going to make my life enjoyable, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I am not able to rely upon my job, that I am not able to blame my job when I feel that I am stuck in a rut, without expanding or improving – and in-fact – the real problem is that I have not taken self-direction in my relationship with work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be stimulated instead of taking self-responsibility and looking at how I am able to stimulate myself within what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to be stimulated – and thus not push and drive myself to expand – to look at how I am able to empower myself – strengthen myself – push myself – and will myself to become more effective within what I am doing – and thus I commit myself to each day – look at how I can expand – to never be satisfied with where I am at – but constantly push myself to reach new heights of expression and direction – to not be satisfied with being ‘good’ at something – but push myself to become excellent within what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself to reach excellency – to use that as a motivation regardless of where I am at – to not accept and allow myself to be satisfied with mediocrity – to be average – to know something quite well – and quite effective – but to push myself to become an expert within what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I plateau – this is when I must push myself – to look for ways in which I am able to expand and enhance myself – to look for ways in which I am able to acquire further skills – abilities – and strengths – to look at my life and critically examine it – to see if and whether I am able to do more – to see whether I am able to acquire and expand myself within some area of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame work as boring when I know it effectively – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that work should stimulate me – instead of me taking self-responsibility and making sure that I stand as the point of stimulation – that I stand as the point of self-responsibility – that I stand as the point of pushing myself forward – placing no limits on myself – and looking at how and where I am able to expand

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop a passion for life – in the sense of always looking at how I am able to expand and move myself forward to the next stage of development

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop and push myself to create a passion for expansion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to reach and build a life where I am satisfied – not seeing, realizing and understanding, that satisfaction, oftentimes goes hand in hand with complacency – where we become lazy, and stop the process of exploration and movement that we would otherwise walk – and thus I commit myself to embrace dissatisfaction – to use it as a motivation to empower and move myself – to use it as a motivation to enhance myself – and bring myself to the next level of development

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that nothing is going to come by itself – that nothing is going to happen by itself – and that if I want challenges in my life – then I must actively pursue and create them – I must actively look at how I am able to make my life challenging – through for example – in my work – looking at how I am able to expand my understanding of work – of how I am able to take on more tasks and responsibilities at work – of looking at how I am able to really expand and become effective at my work

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself blaming my world, my reality, for being boring, not challenging, routine and repetition with no movement, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I stop – and I see, realize and understand, that for movement, change and expansion to happen, I must move myself, I must push myself, I cannot expect that things will simply happen by themselves, as they will not – and thus I commit myself to be on my toes – and to continuously be on the look out for how I am able to change myself – push and expand myself – and reach the next stage of development and expression

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for making my life challenging, expansive, fulfilling, and enjoyable – through not expecting to be stimulated – but rather – pushing and willing myself to improve and expand – constantly being on the look out for opportunities – and seizing the opportunities when they arise


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