Tag Archives: music

Day 383: Structure – A Key to Freedom

Structure – the word I have been practicing in my life now for a while. I thought it would be a good idea to share some of my findings and insights when it comes to living structure.

Initially I related the word structure to schedules, almanacs etc., and did not view the word as particularly useful in any other context. I also felt that structure was something that limited my creative expression – and that it took away freedom. Thus I have had a bit of a conflictual relationship with the word. Similarly I have had to walk a process to be able to walk in this current money system without reacting towards it – and feeling like the stiff structure and routine of the system pulls me down into a state of too much structure.

At this stage however I feel comfortable with the word – and as I walked the process of understanding it and integrating it into my life – I have realized that structure is everywhere and that is supportive. I have seen that having a structure allows for self-directed creative freedom, while having complete creative freedom without a structure invites lack of direction, loss of overview/focus/movement; it becomes expression without a foundation – and in most cases the results are not good.

Let us take the example of cooking. If I start to cook without a structure – for example – I just haphazardly mix the ingredients and I decide to roast them all in the oven for the same duration of time – I will not be able to create an effective meal. Cooking is a perfect example of a physical expression that rests heavily on a structured foundation – the physics of taste/texture/nutrition – and yet – it is an expression that allows for a wide array of experimentation and creative freedom.

It is the same with music. If I am unfamiliar with the instrument or musical theory it is going to be very difficult for me to improvise or compose my own songs. And sure, I will have complete freedom to play the instrument in any way I desire, but what is the use of that if I am not able to create pieces of music that I enjoy? With a basic structure, knowledge of the instrument and the notes it can produce, it is going to be different. I can now create melodic music yet still be creative, explore and investigate what new sounds and expressions I am able to produce.

Thus, used rightly structure does not quell creativity – it instead supports and enhances it. However there has to be a balance. Too much structure will lead to rigidity. Structure is in its nature predefined, constant, and impermeable to whims of the moment. Though oftentimes it is those spontaneous outbursts that bring through the flavor, the individuality, the joy and pleasure. Thus structure in itself is not the aim – it is the means. It is a stable support from which I am able to move into new expressions and experiences – the ground that I am able to get back to when I have lost myself in the boundlessness of creative freedom.


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Day 365: Conditioning Self-Expression

Today I took some time to direct a couple of my material belongings that had been put in storage. I approached the project with the starting point that I had to make a decision for each of my belongings as to what was going to happen to it – what purpose it was going to have for the future to come. The things which I had not used in a couple of years I decided to give away – this group of things included a saxophone and a electric drum set. The underlying principle I applied was simple, with me these possessions were not used to their full potential, and by giving them away to someone that would actually use them, that would support fulfilling both the recipients expression and the instruments potential; in other words – giving the instruments away would be what is best for all.

However, and here is where it starts to get interesting, as I had made the decision to give away the instruments, I began to have second thoughts, and the backchat that moved within me was something along the following lines: ‘What if I will miss these instruments? I might want to play them at a later stage, and then I will not have them! Man, before when I was a bit younger, I played a lot of music, now I do not anymore, I really miss that’. Thus, my initial backchat was initiated by a fear of loss, and then my mind moved to how I miss playing instruments and having music as a part of my life – that latter part of the backchat as well motivated by a fear – a fear that I had lost these expressions of myself which I had accessed when I was younger as part of playing my instruments and devoting myself to music.

The experience took me by surprise, because I had seen that I was finished with these instruments, that I had used them and that I was satisfied with what I had expressed and achieved, though now with this fear coming up, I started to doubt myself. I took a breath and gave myself a moment to stabilize – and I looked at the point within myself.

I could see that practically speaking, I did not use the instruments. Not because I was hindered to do so, but because I had moved into a new part of my life where these instruments did not have the same role to fulfill. I could see that I was satisfied and fulfilled in terms of having explored and pushed myself to develop a relationship with the instruments and that I was ready to let them go. Thus, the fear did not have anything to do with my practical reality – it was all about myself – and how I was actually afraid of moving on and embracing the new expression of myself that have started to come through within me and my life – where my relationship with music and instruments has begun to change.

Because music and the expressions that I could access and live with my instruments, they are still part of my life, however the structure of my life today is different. Now, I express myself with music by singing songs that I really enjoy out loud, together with a stereo blasting the track at the same time – and the creative part of music – which I before expressed through writing and composing songs – that has become part of my job – where I spend a lot of time writing – and my carpentry hobby – where I must use my imagination and problem solving skills to create and find solutions.

Thus – with giving away some of my instruments – I am not giving away the expressions that I have developed and lived in making music – because those expressions are a part of ME – as such I see that it is important to not get lost in the structure and picture of this world – and relate what I experience and live to the images – because it is not about what it looks like – it is about WHO I AM – and HOW I EXPRESS myself within what I do.

I have found that it is easy to forget this, because the images seems to be so important, however looking back out my life, what has always been a constant is that the images change. My world will move, transform, become different, but I remain, which also exemplifies why it is so important to place attention and focus on developing OURSELVES – and not lose ourselves in the evanescent creations/allures of money and consumerism that so easily grip our attention and that we convince ourselves is the most significant point within our lives.


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Day 336: Aligning Self To Reality

What I have liked to do in my life when it comes to interests and hobbies is to commit myself a 100 percent to them. I have enjoyed making one sole point the center of my existence, pushing that one point as far as I have been able to. This way of immersing myself in interests have allowed me to develop skills and abilities fast, and reach goals that I had set for myself. I loved and still do love the process of taking on something new, a to me completely unknown technique, and then putting in the time to master point. The process of learning and expanding I find to be very rewarding and fulfilling, and it is fascinating to look back and see the progress that has happened.

However, growing up in this world, having to survive and make a living for myself, things change. It is not anymore possible for me to dedicate all of my time and energy to only one particular aspect of my world, as I have many other responsibilities and commitments that needs to be cared for daily. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it simply means that things have changed, my life is not anymore the way it was ten years, and because of that, the way I approach interests and hobbies must align as well. And this is what I would like to discuss in this blog, how we tend to limit ourselves in our self-expression through attempting and trying to re-live memories of the past instead of looking at the possibilities and state of our current life, and aligning our self-expression to the new conditions.

This is an example picked from my own life. Before I started to work, and before I moved to a big farm property, when I was still studying and living in a small tenant flat, I used to love recording music. I would sit for hours and play with sounds, record segments, and practice my instrumental parts to perfection. I experienced these moments as deeply fulfilling and enjoyable. However, as is the case with must students, my university studies got to an and, and a new chapter began in my life, where I now had to go out and find work for myself. Hence, this is what I did, which decreased the time I had available for music drastically. Then, as I have touched upon above, I moved to a big farm property, which for those that are not aware comes with a great amount of maintenance work, thus further decreasing the time I had available.

I realized that I did not anymore have the time necessary to sit down and pursue my interest for music in the same way as I had done in my past. My life had changed, yet my interest and desire to express myself within making music had not. This initially created a lot of conflict within me, and I blamed my work, where I live, and the amount of time that I had to place into ‘survival’ related points. The problem was that I could not fit in my hour long sessions the way that I had done before, and that made me feel limited, and constricted. There simply was not time for it.

At first, I believed that the solution to my problem was to move to a smaller property, and to decrease the hours I worked. I thought that if I managed to pull that off, I would have time again to do what I love. However, I could soon see that neither of those options were practical. Because fact is that I had made a decision to move to a farm property, than in terms of living space, comfortableness, and compatibility, is by far the best place I have ever lived at – and fact is that I did walk through my education and the job that I managed to get is directly related to my studies and a very good foundation for my future life – and fact is that this job is demanding and time consuming. Thus, I could see that even if I did not like it, my life had changed, and changed in such a way that it was not practical for me to redirect my focus and change the path I had started out on. I saw that it made sense to stick to my decisions and keep walking. Though, the problem still remained, I did not have time for my music.

At this point insights started to open up . I understood that I did not have a choice and that instead of attempting and trying to reinsert my past way of living into my new life – I had to restructure the way I approached things and align them into my current state of life. This is when I saw that instead of recording music for hours, I could take my guitar, sit down to sing and play some 10 to 15 minutes when I saw I had a moment to do so. Because that way of inserting music into my life did work with the conditions I was faced with – and within this I could also see, realize and understand – that what I was missing was not specifically the recording of music – it was instead my expression that I had accessed and lived while practicing music. Hence, I realized that I could bring through this expression in small bursts, when there was time for it.

This is what I mean with aligning myself to reality, instead of trying to align reality to my memories and ideas, where I try to impose and enforce a particular outcome, because I am too stuck in my mind, and not HERE – with the PHYSICAL. The solution is thus to embrace our current set of circumstances, work with what is here, be creative, and not accept and allow ourselves to believe that there is only one way to do things – because there is not!


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Day 180: Becoming Something Or Being Something

One experience that tends to come up within me as I raise up in the mornings, is a sense of inadequacy, defeat and lack of success – this experience then triggers me to go into my mind and find some form of reason that would be suitable to justify and fit into this initial experience – and my thoughts will then go into looking at my life, looking at what I am doing with my time; am I achieving enough? Am I completing enough things? Does my life move, as I’d like it to move? Am I really doing as much as I want to do with my life?

The interesting thing about this, is the fact that I am already utilizing my time very effectively, I am literally busy almost from the moment that I wake up until the moment that I go to bed, and some days I give myself time for entertainment and relaxation, but it’s not something that I do excessively, or over the brim – practically speaking – I am satisfied with how I am moving myself throughout my day – there is a constancy, a drive, and a motion forward – and that is what I want; but STILL – this experience emerge within me.

This then begs the question, what the heck is it that is going on within me, where does this experience really come from?

One aspect that stands out in the experience is fear, there is a underlying and glooming fear that permeates these thoughts, and images that comes up in my mind, showing me how I am not “doing enough with my life” – thus: What is occurring and coming up within is really a fear of not being able to leave a mark – a fear of leaving this world in a state of being unknown, unrecognized, and undistinguished – a.k.a. a nobody.

One of the consequences I create for myself through going into this experience is that I will stress myself throughout my day, I will constantly, and continuously move myself to new points, save more time, become more productive, become more effective, more enhanced, precise, and specific, up the output even more – it can likened with how our industrial revolution have changed the manner in which manual labor is performed.

Because, before the machine, before the global crisis, there was a sense of enjoyment in labor, and the pace of labor was not that of upping the output, but rather moving the point, getting it done, and producing a satisfying result – here thus there was no greed as is the case today – where we constantly want more, get more, push more, develop more, get more out of it – back in the day such concepts had much less force than is the case today: A farmer would wake up – walk through his routine – handle the points that was required to be handled – care for his farm and his beasts – and then go to bed – the farmer was then neither famous or distinguished but that was irrelevant in a time and age where media and fame was unknown.

Thus, what I see, is that this tendency, and character that comes up within me – let’s call it the I-want-more-character – is really a outflow consequence of our modern day way of looking at and perceiving life – wherein we tend to see life as this momentum of time that is here for us to make an imprint and satisfy our urges – and unless we’re able to get our individuality through and make some form of mark – our lives have been lived in vain: And obviously – this is a completely ridiculous and futile way of living life – because where is it getting us? Nowhere! And what we miss is the present breath – miss standing here and smelling the roses – looking at what is here and that is offered with each breath – and each moment.

Thus, what I see that there is a clear correction for this point – and that is to practice valuing and appreciating what I have here in my life at this moment – valuing and appreciating the simple things in life – such as breathing – such as sharing a moment with another – such as drinking a coffee – and in this realize that while I am here in this life – I require to give myself direction and movement – and do something with myself; that direction might or might not cause me to become observable and seen by others – yet it can’t be a purpose in itself – it can’t be something that defines and marks me – because I must stand as that point for myself – and wake up each morning – stable – regardless of my position, my prominence or notoriety in this world.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my satisfaction with myself upon whether I am succeeding in the eyes of the world or not, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define success, to define notoriety, to define eminence and greatness in this world, as something to strive for, and as something that will enhance my life with substance, purpose, and meaning – and that only when I achieve these things will I be able to let my guard down – and come down to earth – and relax myself; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to create a life for myself – from within and as the belief that it’s my life that defines who I am – that defines what I am – and that gives me value, substance and purpose – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that it’s ME that decides to give me purpose, value and meaning – and that it’s not something that I can wait for or expect to be given to me from the outside

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in the morning and experience myself as being empty, barren and idle – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my living, life and movement is pointless, and lacks substance, and lacks life, and that it will remain as such until I am able to achieve a position of fame, and fortune, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have to burnt into my mind, that I must make something of myself, that I must leave a mark, that I must be significant, that I must become famous, and recognized, before I am able to let go, enjoy myself, and participate in this world in stability, in breath, and in hereness with and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that there is something wrong with leading a normal life, a life that is without extravagance, a life that is without purpose, or fame, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I wake up in the morning, to look at my life from a starting point of the pictures that occupies and makes up the visual aspect of my world, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss myself – to not see WHO I AM in my life and WHAT I LIVE – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is what is important – what is important is who I am – is what I will accept and allow in each and every moment of breath – is what I will myself to stand and live as in this world – and what I will myself to walk – and the principle from within which I apply myself and move myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself, and define whether I am successful or not, whether I am moving myself or not, upon the basis of how my external world responds, and think and believe that I am moving myself, that I am being successful, that I am being distinguished, and that I have value, when my external environment rewards me, gives me attention, notices me, and gratify me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for another to make me whole and complete – and believe that this is what lacks in my life – that there must be some tumultuous and great event that occurs – and that makes my life meaningful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am really in a perfect position to walk my process in my current environment, that everything is set, everything is stable, everything is positioned effectively, and thus all I require to do is to walk – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this idea that there is something more required, some form of greatness, and superiority, and magnificent occurrence that must be realized, is completely ludicrous, and doesn’t belong in me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and push myself to walk moment by moment – to push myself and will myself to value and appreciate myself – and what is here in my world – to realize that everything is already here and that thus – I don’t require anything more or better – or leaving a mark in someway – because such a point isn’t real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and make the decision to value myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in comparisons within me – wherein I will compare myself to certain individuals in my world – that I perceive are leading successful and notable lives – wherein they have earned prominence and are seen as illustrious – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that unless I reach and create a similar point for myself in my life – than my life will be without meaning and purpose – and will lack substance – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is me – myself – that gives my life substance, meaning, and worth – and how it is me that gives myself the opportunity and the freedom to create myself – and build myself – and that I don’t require my external environment to change – for me to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here – and realize that HERE is life – that life is not out there in creating a idea world for myself – of me being noticed and distinguished – but rather life is HERE – life is the breath I breathe – life is the physical that surrounds me – life is the wind that brushes my cheek and the sunbeams that grazes my chins – and thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to recognize and embrace the fullness and completeness of life that is here in every moment for me to participate and partake within – that I am limiting myself from doing – when and as I am participating in my mind in someway or another

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am participating in my mind, and I am leaving this here-moment in order to be in a future, where I perceive that I will gain reputation, eminence, and within that purpose, and substance, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and I see, realize and understand that living, that moving, and that participating in this world is an opportunity for me to stand with life, and that I don’t have to create this glorious and magnificent life for myself, wherein my presence is known, respected and distinguished, but that I can live fulfillment and substance here as a decision that I make in every moment of breath – that I am here – I live – I move and I act – I stand and I participate and I don’t accept and allow myself to be limited by an idea of an future in my mind; thus I commit myself to live HERE and to value and appreciate the life that is here in every moment – to value and appreciate the life that is me here in every moment

I commit myself to value and appreciate the simplicity of life that surrounds me and that is here in every moment of breath – and I commit myself to wake up in the morning and appreciate the fullness of life that exists here and that I am able to partake within when and as I let go of the mind and the illusions of “being somebody” and “making something out of myself” – and thus I commit myself be HERE with and as my human physical body – and equalize myself within and as the exuberance of life as equality and oneness here

2012 The Ultimate Cover — “I Believe In Miracles” (You Sexy thing)

Listen to the ultimate cover of “I belive in Miracles” originally made by Hot Chocolat — this is Viktor Perssons interpretation of this very sexually oriented song — do you want to know more about what sex is? What is, and why are we so obsessed about sex? Check out Eqafe and you’ll have the answers!