Tag Archives: new people

Day 41: What? This Is Not How I Should Experience Myself!

A reaction that I’ve noticed – and that bothers me – is that I go into fear, and anxiety when it is that I enter into a new situation where there are people.

For example – every morning I’ve experienced the same point manifesting. I will arrive at the office, and as I begin to walk into the building I am able to notice the thoughts come up within me such as “I wonder who will be there today?” – “How should I behave?” – “Should I greet my colleagues or not?” – “I hope I won’t get afraid”. Within this backchat I start to notice a fear building up within me – and that is when I enter self-positive talk mode – wherein I will say to myself – stuff like: “I am not afraid!” – “Why can’t I just stop being afraid?” – “Man I get afraid like this every morning!” – “I will just walk in there and not be afraid at all – yes – that’s what I will do!”

But within me having this backchat – what occurs is that the fear is increasing, and then as I enter the office and meet my colleagues I exist within quite a prominent experience of fear, and anxiety – that makes me in-effective, less social and talkative, and more held-back than what I am usually.

expectationThis social-anxiety point is one of my primary weaknesses – and a reason that it’s still here is because I don’t like admitting to myself that this is how I experience myself – instead I like to think of myself as already being past these type of experiences, and see myself as a confident person with much self-esteem; fascinating that I within not wanting to recognize to myself what I really experience in-fact cement that experience of myself as real – because I refuse to deal with it – work with it – find the cause for the experience – and correct myself.

The first step is thus to recognize for myself what it is that I experience, and get back to humility – get back to reality – and to also understand that having reactions is nothing bad – experiencing myself anxious around people is nothing negative – it’s simply what it is – a particular system-construct that I’ve created, and manifested as myself due to repetition – and obviously due to an ineffective education as I grew up – where I learned to honor fear, instead of self-honest self-expression.

Thus – today I will walk self-forgiveness on the idea that I want to hold unto of myself – as how I’d like to believe that I am as a person – which isn’t actually the reality of how I live, and experience myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a state of idealism within myself – wherein I idealize myself – and think that I am strong, that I am confident, and that I am fearless – within this creating an idea of myself as how I’d like myself to be – not wanting to recognize the real experience of myself in my day-to-day living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the real experience of me as social anxiety, and fear – when I meet new people – as being a weakness – and a point of inferiority – and judge this point as being a mark of shame; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am within judging my experience of myself as fear – in-fact not accepting and allowing myself to stand up within a point within myself of being able to deal with this experience – to recognize it and work with it utilizing self-forgiveness, self-commitments, and writing – because I mean – I do have the tools to deal with the experience – why then continue to lie to myself, and hide the real truth of myself?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to explore this fear in specificity – meaning – to in detail investigate exactly when, how, why, and what – that triggers this fear – and what thoughts arise in my mind – and also what memories I still hold unto as a fuel for this particular character that I’ve created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain humble within myself in walking my process – in allowing myself to see without judgment, comparison, or idealization what I exist as within me – and as such enable myself to work with the problems that I still have – and experience; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that – having reactions is nothing bad – it’s nothing wrong – it’s merely what it is and as such nothing but a point within me that requires attention, that requires work, and that requires discipline in order to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to be weak – meaning – to allow myself to closely observe my weaknesses as the points where I still react, and still go into experiences – within this allowing myself to intimately explore the detail of myself as the organic robotic program that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live self-intimacy – which is self- into me I see – allowing myself to see everything that goes on within me without a bias, without a want, or a desire – but simply seeing objectively what’s going on – and from that starting point standing up within me – and correcting myself to live, and apply what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create positive ideas of myself as who I think I am – creating an idea of myself that I am confident, that I am fearless, that I am stable, that I am certain – within this cementing an idea of myself as “already being done” – instead of being brutally self-honest with myself – and seeing who, and what I live as – seeing that I am not perfect – and that I do still have reactions – but understanding that this is nothing bad, or wrong – it’s nothing to be avoided, or feared – it’s simply what is here – and as such I accept and allow myself to embrace what is here – and work with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that unless I accept and allow myself to see how I experience myself – I will not be able to change myself – because I will not deal with, and walk with reality – as what is actually here – what is actually happening – what is actually my true nature; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to look within without fear – to look within without judgment – to look at myself and observe myself – and become a self-scientist – wherein I without bias explore myself, and my inner-workings – so that I am able to understand myself – and correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to begin a new in every moment of breath – and not hold unto any idea of “who I am” from the past breath – as such accepting and allowing myself to stat afresh in every moment – and thus being able to see what is here without any judgment, or fear – simply observing myself and within that creating a foundation for me on which I am able to stand – and direct myself into and as correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a positive idea of myself as being assertive – as being fearless – and generate this positive idea of myself through imagining myself talking to people in my head with a assertive, and strong voice – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when and as I notice that I react in a way that is opposite to the way I’ve imagined myself being in my mind – thinking, believing and perceiving that I am doing something wrong because I am not experiencing myself as I thought I would in my mind; instead of realizing, seeing, and understanding that my mind reality does not show what is real – and thus only because I imagine myself being assertive, confident, and strong – doesn’t mean that this is what I in-fact stand as – live as – in physical actual expression here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how my positive idea of myself in my mind is in-fact responsible for creating my reaction towards the negative side of myself as the “real me” – because I within participating in the positive create a conflict relationship with myself – where I try to change myself through judgment, and anger – wherein I react to the negative real me – through thinking that this negative real me shouldn’t be here because I’ve imagined another positive me in my mind; instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding how both of these points are illusion – but how the positive point of me is more illusion than the negative – and that I am within participating in the positive point of myself only strengthening and charging the negative reactions I experience within me when I face new people – because conflict is the breeding ground of energy – as reactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of any and all positive reactions towards myself in my mind – to as such allow myself to become a blank slate so to speak – wherein I am able to observe the real me as I exist without any reaction – or experience – I simply see me for what I am with no agenda to change how I see me – I mean – in a way – that is inner propaganda – as trying to change the actual truth of me into a truth that I like and feel good about – not realizing that I am within that only covering up the problems and not allowing myself to work with, and deal with reality


When and as I see that I am idealizing myself – and creating a positive idea of myself in my mind, that I am strong, assertive, self-confident, and fearless around people – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is the illusion – this is the positive idea of myself that is not real through which I generate and charge, and cover up the negative and real aspects of myself; as such I commit myself to stop this positive seeing of myself – and instead see myself for real – seeing myself without a bias – without a experience – without a definition – simply seeing who I am, and who I’ve become without judgment

When and as I see that I am judging a negative experience of myself that I am having, as for example fear, or anxiety when I meet new people – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this judgment of myself is not real – because what I experience as me is merely what it is – it’s a reaction – it’s a character – but it’s nothing bad, or wrong – such as my judgment suggests; as such I commit myself to see myself without judgment – simply seeing what I’ve become without reacting – allowing myself to be self-intimate – see into me – and understand myself – and see myself – and from within that be able to stand up within me and correct myself

When and as I see that I am reacting in judgment towards what I experience as fear, and social anxiety – and I think that “I shouldn’t experience myself this way” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this type of thinking doesn’t lead me to a solution – I mean only because I think that I shouldn’t feel in a particular way – doesn’t stop me from actually feeling that way – it merely adds another dimension of reaction to the point which is completely unnecessary; as such I commit myself to stop judging myself – to stop having any preconceived ideas, and hopes about myself – and simply deal with – get to know – and be intimate with who I am, and who I’ve become

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ConfidenceWikipedia: Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective.

Day 31: Problems With Socialism

Today I am going to look at socialism through goggles of problem/solution/reward – looking firstly at – what is socialism? And then taking apart socialism to look at what the specific philosophy implies – and what the effects will be of implementing such a system – and how such an idea could be changed, molded, and directed to support what is best for all.

Firstly – what is socialism? Here is a definition taken from Wikipedia:

Socialism is an economic system characterised by social ownership of the means of production and co-operative management of the economy.[1] “Social ownership” may refer to cooperative enterprises, common ownership, state ownership, or citizen ownership of equity.[2] There are many varieties of socialism and there is no single definition encapsulating all of them.[3] They differ in the type of social ownership they advocate, the degree to which they rely on markets or planning, how management is to be organised within productive institutions, and the role of the state in constructing socialism.[4]

A socialist economic system would consist of a system of production and distribution organized to directly satisfy economic demands and human needs, so that goods and services would be produced directly for use instead of for private profit[5] driven by the accumulation of capital. Accounting would be based on physical quantities, a common physical magnitude, or a direct measure of labour-time in place of financial calculation.[6][7] Distribution would be based on the principle to each according to his contribution.

As a political movement, socialism includes a diverse array of political philosophies, ranging from reformism to revolutionary socialism. Proponents of state socialism advocate the nationalisation of the means of production, distribution and exchange as a strategy for implementing socialism. In contrast, libertarian socialism proposes the traditional view of direct worker’s control of the means of production and opposes the use of state power to achieve such an arrangement, opposing both parliamentary politics and state ownership.[citation needed] Democratic socialism seeks to establish socialism through democratic processes and propagate its ideals within the context of a democratic political system.

Modern socialism originated from an 18th-century intellectual and working class political movement that criticized the effects of industrialisation and private property on society. In the early 19th-century, “socialism” referred to any concern for the social problems of capitalism irrespective of the solutions to those problems. However, by the late 19th-century, “socialism” had come to signify opposition to capitalism and advocacy for an alternative system based on some form of social ownership.[8] Marxists expanded further on this, attributing scientific assessment and democratic planning as critical elements of socialism.[9]

In essence one is able to classify socialism as the sharing of property according to each one’s ability to work – wherein accumulation of capital is not allowed for the benefit of individuals – but capital is mostly owned by the state; capital being buildings, machines, cars, factories, etc.

Thus – what socialism aims to do is to level the playing field – and have each individual on equal terms be able to compete with each one’s time being valued equally – one hour of labor for a steel worker – giving the same salary as one hour of work for a lawyer.


carnivalThe main problem with socialism is that it’s focus is at directing property – directing labor – and directing money – and within this the ruling principle is fairness – meaning that monies should be divided fairly by the sweat of one’s brow – and not by for example inheriting the money; the problem with this is that there is no underlying principles as to what the system is to achieve – it’s merely a band aid solution to quell the competitive nature of man and enforce fairness – but there is no consideration towards changing the nature of man – and not basing the system on fairness – but instead basing the system on what is best for all – wherein what is best for all is the objective – and the final goal.

In Sweden where I live we’ve have socialist political system – and what this means is that differences in class is equalized through taxation, and policies are enforced that aim at having all participants in the system earn the same monies – and when everyone earn the same amount of money – that is then apparently considered an achievement – but I mean – is this really all we can expect out of a political ideology? That monies are to be divided fairly between people? Shouldn’t there be MORE to a political dispensation? And obviously – the answer is YES – there should be more! There should be a goal – a clear objective – that dividing money between people is not a goal in itself – but that it’s a means of reaching a perfect society wherein EVERYONE live a life of perfection – and earth is taken care – and everyone is able to live life’s that are fulfilling and enjoyable.

Due to me living in a socialist country – I’ve had direct experience of the outcomes of a socialist system – and I am with certainty able to say that simply dividing monies between people – and equalizing wages – that does not produce humans with integrity – self-respect – and with the ability to CO-operate – what the equalizing of wages have created in Sweden is instead a country filled with complacent people that have everything they feel they need to live a comfortable life – yet there is not DRIVE to perfect society – and to perfect each and every individual in the country – not only by giving them the material they require to live – but also through perfecting the psyche – perfecting the motivation – perfecting the mental well-being of each and everyone – because that type of perfection is not something that arise simply by giving monies to everyone.

And that is why I say that the problem with socialism is that it stops at only considering property, and money – and how this should be divided between people – I mean – that is only one point that must be attended to and sorted – but when that point as achieved – and all have a basic materialistic foundation and welfare – then the process of establishing a society of perfection must continue until there really is perfection – perfection being that there is no crime – there is no mental retardation – there is no illness – there is no violence – there is no unemployment – there is no depression – there is no outcasts – there is no fear – then – when everyone in society are fulfilled – we can say that we’re getting somewhere – but simply dividing monies – that isn’t enough.

As with communism – the primary point that socialism miss is the self – the individual human-being and his experience of himself – as instead all focus is placed on money, property, capital, salary, and fairness – while instead focus should be placed on asking ourselves how it is that each individual human being is partly responsible for creating the world we live in – and how we’re within this able to re-educate each and every human being to only create that which is best for all.

Because – what must be understood is that an ideology – and a philosophy can only be implemented and truly become the very living flesh of each inhabitant of a country – if that point is lived, understood, and embraced by each and everyone – if that isn’t the case – then it’s merely empty words that have been written down in a policy but where there is no substance behind the words – because the country’s inhabitants merely follow the policy out of fear of punishment – that is then not change – that is simply coercing people to adapt to a particular idea instead of making everyone co-creators – co-responsible – seeing that a society can only be as effective as it’s individual citizen – because each citizen is a brick in a wall – and unless all bricks are effective in fulfilling their purpose – the wall will be unstable, and not be able to stand point and function effectively.

To conclude what the problem with socialism is – socialism doesn’t consider the inner workings of man – seeing that what must be changed is not merely how resources are own and distributed in this world – but what must be changed is each individual human being – and that sharing resources can’t be the final goal – but there must be a much more ambitious principle – else the political dispensation is simply a organized way of giving up into being less than what we’re capable of being; thus – socialism doesn’t strive towards true magnificence in every way – and does not consider that to reach such magnificence – each individual human being must be magnificent.


What is then the solution?

The solution is that we within developing our societies become more ambitious in how it is that we want life on earth to be – and how it is that we want life in society to be; I mean – simply saying that “I want to survive” – “I just want to have peace” – that’s not enough – if we’re to create a new world we’re we can truly be happy, and thrive as a race with the rest of existence – we require to dare to set high standards for ourselves – and in this we can’t stop at saying that resources should be divided equal among people to each his own contribution – we must state a living policy – a living ideology – and through our words create the foundation of a world of magnificence – wherein resources are not merely divided equal because that is fair – no – resources are divided equally to all to support each human being to become his utmost potential as a human-being – and education is given to everyone because we see, and understand that when some are more educated than others, this is more than often abused and from this slaves, and masters are born.

And we state that the point with dividing resources equally among everyone is so that each can be FREE to LIVE – free to develop and expand to our utmost ability – becoming perfection in every way – and within this we will achieve a world of individuals that do really care about creating a world that is magnificent – wherein we are able to expand our care to the animal kingdom, to nature, to the plant-life, and the insects – and make sure that not only humans are able to live a fulfilling life – but that each, and every form of life that enters this world is cared for, and considered as we’d like to be if we were in the same position as that life form.

Thus – as most ideologies that have been develop by humanity – socialism lack the ambition to create heaven on earth – it lacks to ambition to set a target for humanity as a whole that only absolute perfection will be satisfactory and anything less but absolute perfection is a compromise. I mean – how could socialism in anyway be a solution to the strife of mankind – when socialism allows gossip, allows fear, allows mistrust, allows violence, allows judgment, allows jealousy, allows competition, allows comparison – these are all parts of the current human psyche that must be corrected and removed in order for a world of true perfection to come forth – and because socialism doesn’t consider, or establish a solution for the condition of the human psyche – it’s a inefficient and unrealistic political ideology that only offers a band-aid solution – so at least most people don’t have to starve to death.

To conclude, and summarize – the solution as to how to perfect socialism, and create political ideology that is best for all – is to be ambitious and set high standards for ourselves – and demand nothing less but absolute perfection from ourselves, and our fellow neighbors – it’s to consider, and find solutions for the malfunctioned psyche of man – to make sure that there exist no hidden agendas as psychological disorders within people but that all are effective in caring for their inner, and outer well-being.


What is the reward for implementing such a political system?

The reward is that we will have a purpose in our life’s – for the first time a purpose that is of meaning, and value – the purpose being that we are here on this earth to manifest perfection, and to create heaven – and that we are here on this earth to make sure that when we leave – the earth is in a better condition than when we came here.

Within this what will develop between people in society is real friendship – because people share the same passion for life, living, and all strife for perfection – thus people will be able to trust each other and bond at a much deeper level than can ever be conceived in todays consumerism system – there will be no more fear – and within this each persons individual self-expression will slowly but surely emerge from the darkness of the physical – so that within this we’ll have a society, and a world that is organic, and filled with life as living, caring, and considerate human beings – all operating by the same principle – to give as they’d like to receive as what is best for all.

A system that holds these ambitions are already in development – check it out here – equal money.

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SocialismWikipedia: Socialism is an economic system characterised by social ownership of the means of production and co-operative management of the economy.

Eqafe Review: Developing Communication and Expanding Relationships

Today I’ve listened to a absolutely amazing interview called “Developing communications and expanding relationships” – and it’s a life-review interview from a being that has just recently crossed over, and now shared his insights in regards to the mistakes he made in his life.

The primary point of the interview is that we as human beings live in very small and isolated circles of relationships – we interact with a fairly small amount of people, and seldom do we dare to break out of our already created relationships and make contact with someone new. The reason as to why we so seldom do so – is because – as is explained in the interview – a cultural rule we carry within that says; “this isn’t how you’re supposed to do” – meaning you’re not supposed to make contact with new people for no reason but just to chat with them, and get to know them – it’s just not how we do things around here.

So, in essence – the reason why we choose to remain in such a small and secluded world is because we fear stepping out of our comfort zones, and going against this inner police man that wants us to follow this cultural rule that we’ve adapted ourselves to.

Obviously – living within and as this fear is utterly limiting, and I’ve realized through listening to this interview how I’ve limited myself in expanding my relationships through communicating, and initiating contact with new people; thus I will from now on push myself to walk through this fear and expand myself in getting to know and communicating with more people.

I suggest for everyone to hear this interview – it’s available at eqafe together with many other cool self-help – self-introspection products – go check it out!