Tag Archives: others

Day 424: Choosing Clothes

Today I noticed myself reacting to my partners clothes. She was on her way to the store when I noticed a couple of holes in her pants. I became anxious and told her that she should use a different pair of pants.

Afterwards I looked at the situation and why I had become anxious because of the condition of her pants. I could see that it was not really about her pants, instead it was about how other people would see my partner, and how that in turn would reflect back unto me. Subsequently, the fear was related to the fear of other peoples opinions, and that they would in some way, jeopardize my survival.

I have seen that my mother is very much the same way. She is very self-conscious and worried about what others think of her, even though, the thoughts and perceptions of others really does not have that much impact in her life. For example, she is keen on retaining a particular image of herself towards her neighbors, because else… Well, it is this latter part of the fear equation that does not make sense. Somehow the perceptions of others have been linked to survival, and the same fuzzy logic exists within me.

Where does this fear come from? I remember when I was younger and my parents, in particular my mother, stressed the importance of the clothes I wore. I was not allowed to wear soft pants, it had to be jeans, because ‘they look more respectable’. And the issue of clothes was mostly discussed from a starting point of fear and judgment. Its interesting, that I was never asked, for example: What clothes would support you as a being? What clothes would support you to express yourself and expand? What colors would open up your expression? What type of shoes would assist and support your body the most? Such considerations were non-existent – instead – clothes became about survival.

Thus, what I can see is that my survival is not dependent on the perception of my neighbors, and the people in the local store. I can walk to the store wearing clothes that I enjoy and feel comfortable in, and the same is true for my partner, without this compromising my standing in relation to survival. Though, at work, the way I dress and look is connected to my ability to earn money and survive, and hence, there it is relevant to be specific and exact in terms of the clothes I decide to wear. Even so, this does not justify me becoming fearful as to the opinions of others. Survival is practical, it has nothing to do with fear – and should simply be a point of logic – looking at what works and what does not – and then aligning myself according to the best possible way of movement.

Secondly, I see that its important for me to redefine my relationship with clothes, and to not accept and allow fears and anxieties to determine what clothes I wear, and how I see/look at the clothes of my partner or my child. The primary purpose of clothes is to support the human physical body and protect it from the various elements of this earth. Then, according to the context, clothes can have a variety of purposes, and hence, it is important to look at the context, look at what is here, before making decisions.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful, anxious and worried that the clothes of my partner will trigger other peoples reactions, and that they are going to think badly of my partner, and that this in turn will reflect badly on me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear and anxiety that these judgments might in some way make it difficult and hard for me to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my survival is dependent on the positive reactions of people in my environment – and that I need to be ‘liked’ to survive – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is an idea that I have created in my mind, and that it does not make sense, in-fact, because in reality, in the physical, my income, my survival, is not directly related to what other people thinks of me – rather – it is related to my skills, my intellect, my ability to handle myself, follow instructions, process information, and work together with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of others, what they think, how they see me, that they will judge me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make me inferior and less than, to hide myself in inferiority, to hide myself in isolation, to hold myself back, so that I will not become visible to others, and that I hence will not become judged – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not a solution, that it is not a valid way of handling myself and my movement in life, to hide away, to try to escape from the eyes of others, as this will not assist and support me to move and do what I require to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of what others think of me, and hold myself back, hide myself, shut myself down, censor myself, so that I will only portray and image outwardly that I am certain will be accepted by the people in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the opinions of others and judgment of others are directly related to my survival – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is more about context – more about where I am – and that in some contexts – the opinions and judgments of others means nothing at all – and hence I should not accept and allow myself to change and alter myself in such contexts in fear of what others think of me – but rather stand with myself and with what I know makes sense and is best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgments and opinions of others, and to fear for my own survival, and to hold myself back, and act according to my fears, in the belief that I will that way survive more effectively, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not the case, and that I am in-fact holding myself back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider my human physical body, my expression, my process, the context, and all other variables involves in selecting clothes, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider my fears, believing that my fears are real, believing that my fears are the most important point to consider, not seeing, realizing and understanding that there is so much more

Self-commitment statement

When and as I see myself becoming fearful and anxious that the clothes I wear will be judged by others, or that the clothes my partner wear will be judged by others, or that that I resist picking clothes for myself, because I fear what others will think, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I cannot accept and allow fear to decide what I will wear and what others will wear, because clothes is about so much more, and hence, judgments and opinions of others cannot be decisive factor – I will decide what I want to wear because it is best – and act the same with my partner and my child; and hence I commit myself to select clothes according to what is supportive for me and my physical body – and stand in the same way in relation to my partner and my child – the physical and what is supportive is what is relevant – not fear


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Day 324: Did I Do Something Wrong?

In this blog I am going work on the following mind pattern: Some days ago I faced a situation in which I thought that I was given a spare part to my tractor by a friend of mine. However, my friend clarified that he was not giving me the part but expected to get money in return. In that moment I felt embarrassed, and vulnerable, and thought to myself that I should have known! How could I have expected him to give me this part! Throughout the rest of that day I returned to this moment in my mind, and each time, what came up within me was this experience of embarrassment, ridicule, and feeling stupid. Several times I thought that my friend must think that I am an ass, that expected to get this part for free.

I am going to look at this pattern through asking myself four questions: How am I? What am I? Why am I? Who am I? – and through these questions walk the mind-pattern, and define a practical solution for myself that I can apply real-time.

How am I?
In the situation that I described above I felt nervous, tense, inferior, and vulnerable. I believed that the people around me thought badly of me, that they did not like me, and that they saw flaws in me. I was worried they were going to spot a weakness and use that to their advantage, speak about me behind my back. I judged myself because I did not have a casual and relaxed approach to my friend wanting money for the spare part.

What am I?
In the situation, I am not expressing myself to my fullest potential, rather I am standing as an example of a reaction, of holding back, and not accepting and allowing myself to live fully.

Why am I?
I am here on this earth to learn about myself, to see, understand and correct my patterns, and hence, this situation is an excellent opportunity for me to expand me insight and self-knowledge. I am here to live fully, and hence, I see, realize and understand, that this small moment, and my reaction within it, is insignificant in the large picture, and thus not something that I should make a big deal out of within myself.

Who am I?
To correct this pattern, I am to live self-acceptance and light-heartedness – allowing myself to NOT take things to seriously – allowing myself to not be right – to do something that is seen as socially unacceptable or bad – and still – accept and LOVE myself. Thus – the solution is to stand unconditional in my self-love – and to live that practically through STOPPING the judgments – and instead SMILING at the point – and accepting and allowing myself to let it go through relaxing myself with my body – relaxing my muscles and bringing myself back here.

Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too serious about how I am perceived by others, and judge myself when and as I perceive that others have created a negative judgment about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value what others think of me, and define myself according to how I believe others see me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not love myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a demand unto myself – that I am to be calm, stable and relaxed when it comes to money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people that I have perceived to be greedy or misers when it comes to money – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will judge me the same way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be judged as a miser

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving the impression that I am a miser – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over-compensate through being generous to the extent where I am compromising myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to have a good impression of me and like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to love me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek comfort, acceptance and value in others – and not trust myself – and stand by myself regardless of what might play out in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand by myself – but abandon myself when I perceive that others are against me – and then fight with myself – instead of accepting myself – and loving myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as flawed and inferior – and thus seek others approval in the belief that this will raise my value – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not love myself unconditionally – and understand that my value is constant HERE – that nobody outside of me can determine my value – because my value is HERE as me by the fact that I am here within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for approval in others instead of approving myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace that I have a problem with money when it comes to giving and receiving – and that this is not something to judge – but instead something to understand – so that I can correct the point and develop a common sense – equal and one relationship with money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my problems – the things I have to work on within myself – and understand that they are not bad – but simply weak spots that I require to understand and correct – and hence I commit myself to LOVE myself unconditionally – through NOT judging my weak points

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself judging myself, because I have reacted towards either giving, or receiving money, in fear, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I do have problems with money – and this has got nothing to do with others – and the reactions I perceive they have towards this point is not relevant – what is important is that I understand my issue and move myself to direct – for myself – and thus I commit myself to UNDERSTAND my problem with money – to FOCUS on MYSELF – and to approach my issue within unconditional self-acceptance

I commit myself to be curious about my issues and investigate them unconditionally – to not judge – instead LEARN and UNDERSTAND

I commit myself to replace judgment with curiosity and interest towards learning more about myself and the issues I have – in this case with money


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Day 196: Center of Attention

When I’m in social situations, and I get into the center of the attention, I find myself often becoming anxious and tense.

When I’ve looked into this point in the past, I concluded that it must have something to do with me wanting give others a pleasurable time, and then I’ll feel pressured to look and behave in a happy and carefree manner. Though, I can see that there are more layers to this point – and one of the more prominent is this point of giving others the initiative and responsibility to value me.

It’s quite fascinating, because in these situations, my attention will go to the onlookers, to within that try and interpret how they are experiencing themselves, and I will in that make a value-judgment – where depending on how I perceive that the others experience themselves, I will change, and mold myself, and give myself a value, as either being successful, or not successful.

This way of dealing with situations consequently puts a lot of pressure on me, because there is this sense of fear of loosing control, and that in order to maintain my value, I must maintain the positive vibe within the onlookers. It’s all very limiting and obviously there are more effective ways to deal with these points – and the solutions seems apparent – to stop using others and my interpretation of their experience of me as the measurement of my value.

I presume, that in the bottom of this reaction lies a deep-rooted inferiority, because that is in a way what happens – I feel inferior towards giving myself my own value, worth and meaning – and instead wait for others to do this for me. Though, common sense is that I am a physical being – equal here with everyone else – and thus equally capable of giving and defining my own value and worth. This experience and idea of me as being inferior, and thus lacking the ability, and right to value myself – that is really not in anyway true – it’s a misconception.

Thus – in this blog I am going to work with self-forgiveness on inferiority, particularly inferiority in relation to me deciding my value and worth, and also the point of control, as trying to control how others perceive me in a moment where I am in the center of attention.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am in the center of attention, to go into a state of pressure, and anxiety, wherein I begin to experience a sense of being unsettled, because I am not sure as to how others are going to experience me, and whether I will be able to control the experience of others or not, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach a situation of me being in the center of attention, as me trying and wanting to control the experience of others, instead of me expressing myself unconditionally within and as breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am in the center of attention, to go into tension trying to control, and make sure that I have each beings experience under my wand, and that I am the controlling factor of the outcome in the moment, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of control, and instead trusting myself in the moment, and expressing myself from within and as a starting point that I am here, with and as my human physical body, and regardless of how others experience themselves, I stand, I move, and I trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use control in order to feel stable when I am in the center of attention, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that control is actually a very limited form of expression, because control is always based in some form of underlying fear, wherein there exists a fear of a particular outcome, and there is no self-trust to move the moment as it emerge, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in control as a form of self-distrust, instead of accepting and allowing myself to practice self-trust, and practice moving and expressing myself in a state of being relaxed, comfortable and effectively aligned with and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed and obsessed about wanting to have control over how others experience, define, judge and perceive me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I am limiting myself, because obviously – when all my focus and attention goes towards how I perceive others perceive me – then there is no room left within me for me to actually express myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how there is no actual need for me to exist within and as this state of tension to be able to effectively direct myself in social situations – and that I can instead trust myself – and move myself in the moment – with the people – express and share myself effortlessly and without this point of anxiety and worry constantly pressing in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how control is actually an illusion – how it’s not in-fact possible for me to control all people in my life – that it’s not possible for me to control, direct and make sure that I’ve got an absolute overview and direction over the participants in my world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even though I go into this state of tension, and anxiety, I can’t control and have an absolute power and direct over how others perceive and experience me in a moment of physical participation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is not to go into fear and anxiety, and try to control my life and my world – the solution is rather that I take a breath and bring myself back into and as my human physical body – and that I restate and reclaim myself as self-trust – that I trust myself to in the moment act, live and walk – and that I don’t require a constant pressure within me to be able to effectively handle the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being inferior to others – and think that I am inferior and incapable of defining and deciding my own worth and value – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give this responsibility to others in my life and in my world – wherein I think that others are superior to me – and thus it’s up to them to place me in this world – and give me a position in this world – and define where and how I should move about and align myself in this world in order to be effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the responsibility of me being stable, and directive in my world – and giving myself my own value and worth to someone else – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this tendency and way of relating to myself through thinking that I am not the one to give me worth, value and meaning – that I am not strong enough, and that I’ve not gained the necessary life-experience to be able to with certainty place within me who I am – and my value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give others the responsibility to define me and value me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others by nature and birth have a higher value than me – and that they are supposed to give me my place and position in this world – because apparently I’m not good enough to do it for and as myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the ability and responsibility to define, value and place myself in this world – to make decisions for myself where I place myself – and not anymore accept and allow myself to give this responsibility to others

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I go into tension, angst, and feeling unsettled as I am in the center of attention, I immediately stop, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am in this moment limiting myself and participating in control – and defining myself according to what I perceive others see in me – and thus I commit myself to let go of control and breath out – and relax my physical body – relax myself and trust myself – and realize that I don’t require another to define me – and give value to me – because I can simply stand by myself in this moment – in the stability that my human physical body provides and gives in each and every moment of breath – thus I commit myself to live self-trust – to place my attention in my chest area and release the tension I experience – and instead focus on the physical sensations of the moment

I commit myself to take responsibility to define and value myself – to give me purpose and direction – and thus I commit myself to see, realize and understand that this is my responsibility to gift to myself – and that I can’t expect and want anyone else to do it for me – thus I commit myself to stand as the point of equality within me – to realize that I ma not inferior or less than others – but that I am able and capable to stand equal with others and move myself within and as the purpose and direction that I’ve given tso myself

2012 Bring it Back to Self

In the beginning as I started to walk process I couldn’t fathom or understand the statement “the world reflects you back to yourself” – or “the world is a mirror of yourself” – because from my perspective what I saw in this world was in no way me; I didn’t have any shit in me! If I was seeing someone that looked grumpy, and depressed – or fearful and nervous – I would be completely certain that what I was seeing was the other person, and not myself. And the same with actions that others took, if I would see someone that forgot to clean their dishes after themselves after they finished eating, I would become angry and think, “but how irresponsible and inconsiderate they are!” – never would I start to consider that what I was seeing was actually myself.

It was the same with how situations played in my world with other human beings – one situation might’ve played in such a way that the person I was participating with became angry and frustrated, started to scream and rant – I would in such a moment naturally think that this had nothing to do with me, this they were doing towards me! How I participated in that moment, within and without, that was in no way related to how this person was behaving now… obviously!

I am now glad to announce that the understanding of the above mentioned statements – “bring it back to self” – have dawned upon me, as I’ve through walking the agreement course been assisted to apply the practice of “bring it back to self”. So, let me explain how this functions and what this tool of “bring it back to self” entails.

In the agreement course, the first “truth” so to speak that’s underlined and learned, is that the functionality of all self’s agreements has it’s origin in the agreement self has with self – thus if self has a functioning, effective, and caring agreement with self – this is how self’s agreements with external points in this world will form – if self has stopped all conflicts within self – this is how self will participate, interact and experience others in his world – one and equal. Now – within this “truth” is implied that any bullshit self experience in his world is – all about self – it’s not about what’s out there, it’s not about fixing or changing anything else – but self – as all of self’s external reality is shaped, experienced and formed by how self interacts and stands in relation to reality, and this interaction is one and equal as how self interacts and stands in relation to self’s internal reality – as self = the self-agreement.

Following these principles is then in the course introduced and taught the importance of the practice of “bringing it back to self” – as this practice allows one to stop projecting, and looking outside of self for the problem, the issue, or the solution – too instead see and realize that what self is seeing to be existing out there, is in-fact existing within self.

As an example I will use how I’ve walked through points of being attracted to my partner due certain character traits my partner has – now what I realized that I was attracted to within my partner is her ability so share herself with her world confidently, and to interact with people that she haven’t met before, with no fear or anxiety – and so I was attracted to this point because I thought and believed that I couldn’t give this to myself, and that I required in order for me to experience this point, and have it my world, I needed to create it in my external reality – as then spending time together with my partner.

Though, through the application of “bring it back to self” – I realized and saw that this point of attraction that I experienced towards my partner wasn’t in-fact about my partner at all, it had nothing to do with how my partner expressed and experienced herself with other people – no – the attraction that I experienced was in-fact me showing to myself that – “hey! Here is a point that you’d like to live as yourself, that you aren’t yet allowing yourself to live! Saddle your horse and integrate that point as yourself! You know you want to!” – and so as I brought it all back to myself, this allowed for me to re-view my application and experience together with people, and within this I saw how I often feel shy, nervous, and uncomfortable to speak with people that I don’t yet know, or that doesn’t look like they would like to have anything to do with me – and from within me seeing that I wasn’t living as I’d like to live (being all shy and fearful) and experience myself with people, I was then able to apply and direct myself to become and manifest myself as that which I saw in my partner as what she was giving to herself and allowing herself to live – as accepting and allowing herself to be confident, and comfortable with herself speaking and being together with people she haven’t met before.

So – the point of bringing it back to self has really been an eye-opener, that have allowed me to effectively self-reflect and introspect – and apart from me applying this technique with what I’ve been attracted to within my partner, I’ve also applied it to what I’ve become angry and frustrated with in relation to what my partner is doing – as for example not emptying the bin – but instead “leaving it all up to me” – and within this I’ve seen that I am not in-fact frustrated with my partner, the frustration is really me being pissed of at myself ­– because as I’ve brought the point back to myself, I’ve been able to see that I’ve been living exactly the same behavior of sloppiness and carelessness that I saw in my partner, but in other parts of my world and in different ways. Thus I through bringing it back to myself effectively exposed to myself what I’ve in-fact been doing towards myself – this through having my partner function as a mirror to myself, and within this I opened up the opportunity for me to direct, learn and change myself, something that I obviously wouldn’t have ever done if I’d gone with my initial reaction as feeling that – “my partner is so sloppy! I got to tell her to stop this sloppiness, because obviously this not about me, I always empty the bin!”

Really – since I began to seriously apply this method of looking at my reality, the reactions, experiences, and thoughts that I have about others in my world have become my greatest source of information, and my greatest teacher, in terms of showing to myself how I am really living and existing – and how I could exist instead, if I’d allow myself to change. I could instead of being sloppy – take responsibility for myself and my world every time and every day – I could instead of being unconfident and afraid of other people – be confident and comfortable in my application with others – I could instead of isolating myself, and waiting for others to make contact with me – direct myself to interact with, and communicate with others, and within that accept and allow myself to have some fun – be daring – and explore the reality that is here; thus me bringing everything of my experiences of this reality back to myself has opened up a big treasure chest, filled with opportunities of self-change, and self-realization – that I am really grateful for finding!

So, for anyone else there that is struggling with his or her reality, feeling that “nothing is working out” – and “nobody is doing anything right” – my one and only suggestion is – bring it back to self! Hell – bring everything, each and every point back to yourself, and allow yourself to realize how little you really know about living, and first and foremost, about yourself!

And if you want effective support within this process of learning how to bring everything back to yourself – check out the agreement course, and DIP.

Seeing A Moment From More Than One Perspective

Some days ago I had a fascinating realization and it came to be as I was sitting with my class at a seminar. We we’re going through some details of our most current assignment, details that I had already come to understand and know – though many of my classmates didn’t hold the same understanding as me, and as such many kept asking teacher questions.

At this point the teacher started to become strained as the seminar was coming to it’s end, and there was still more points to cover, than this particular point that we’re a place of uncertainty to many of my classmates.

And in this moment I noted with myself that I started to twist and turn in my chair, I started to look at the clock behind me, and I thoughts of frustration come up within – as for example: “why can’t they see we don’t have time for these questions!” – “Why is everyone here unable to understand this simple information?” – “Can’t everyone see that the teacher is strained and that we must move one?!”

As I noticed this behavior that existed both in thought, as emotion, and as my physically becoming restless, looking at the clock behind me every one minute – I realized and understood that I wasn’t in-fact considering or seeing the experience and starting point of my classmates.

I didn’t accept and allow myself to see that to them their questions were important and needed, as they didn’t in-fact have the same understand of the point as I did, and as such they needed and required to ask these questions in order to clarify to themselves what the details of the assignment were.

And in that moment I stopped myself from existing as an experience of judgment and frustration and I brought myself back to this physical reality – and I simply let myself let go of the tenseness, and the restlessness – and I listened to the questions of my classmates; understanding that I would have asked the same questions if I didn’t have the understanding of the assignment as I currently did.

As well realizing that if I didn’t have the understanding of the assignment that I currently did – I would like to be given the time to ask sufficient with questions to make the point clear to myself, without having others becoming angry, frustrated, and irritable that “I used up to much time”. And as such this is what I applied myself as that which I would like to receive – I stopped me from existing as irritable and I gave to another that which I would to receive myself.

To apply and move oneself as this principle of giving to another as you would like to receive is stuff of simplicity – yet it holds the key to heaven on earth – as this is the simple realization we’ve all missed that has brought hell to earth instead.

Thus – walk with me – change yourself in moments where you see that you don’t consider why, where and how others are – and live in a way as how you would like others to live towards you.