Tag Archives: outcome

Day 243: Changes

From living in the city, to living on a farm – that has been a primary point of transition that I have been walking through during the recent weeks. It has been interesting seeing how this change has influenced me, and how the experience that has been following this change is that of feeling uprooted, and feeling as if everything has been thrown into the air, a lot of parts, flying around, and not really seeing where or when they are going to land.

My own assessment of the point, and why this experience has come up within me, is due to how my routine is not anymore here. Before, I had a very strict and easy routine that I followed – and at that – I was studying and knew how many books I had to read till what date, and what places to go to, and what people to meet. My reality was settled, everything was in its place and I was to a certain degree comfortable. Now with the move, that comfort is gone, because now there is no more routine, my studies are finished, I am moving a couple of projects at the same time, and there is experience of rushing to get to something, though I don’t particularly know what that something I should get to is.

So, the purpose with this blog is basically to describe for myself what it is that I have been going through, and also to assist and support others that might be facing a similar event in their lives = CHANGE. What should be understood about change is that it isn’t a bad thing; neither is having your routines being uprooted, because these points do come with opportunities for self-expansion.

In my case, I can see that the challenge before me, and what I require to do in order to get back my grounding, is to structure and schedule my day more specifically, and decide for myself when I am going to do certain things, and when I am going to do other things. So far, I have taken it very much day by day, this approach is cool in some contexts, though when there is a lot of projects to get to, many responsibilities to oversee, many points to move – then it’s supportive with a structure – a game plan.

Though, a game plan isn’t enough, on top of having a game plan I see that it’s important for me to practice slowing down, and practice letting go of control, such as the desire to get to ‘everything’ and move ‘all points’ – and within this understand, that I can only do SO MUCH in a day, I can only get to THAT many points in a week – and taking on too much will lead to an experience of stress, and feeling of being stretched to thinly, because that is literally what is happening.

Thus – to support myself to stabilize I am going to apply self-forgiveness on the various reactions of stress, and anxiety that I have towards loosing my routine, and also support myself to establish a new routine, a schedule, and a game plan that I am following – so that I know were I am going, when I am going, and how I am going there.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, and anxiety when my routine disappears, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious, and worried that I can’t anymore with the same ease as before, evaluate, and expect when, and how things are going to develop, and how my life is going to proceed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations upon myself as to how much I am to get to, and what I should be able to move during my day, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety, and fear when and as I perceive that I am not moving points as fast, and as effectively as I foresaw, and imagined myself doing, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear, when points doesn’t moving according expectations, instead of supporting myself, and assisting myself to stabilize, and see how I am able to restructure my reality, and my physical environment to become more effective, and aligned with what I wish to create, and how I can align myself more effectively to the physical reality, so that I am not in a state of conflict with what is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the point of investing a lot of time in my home, and my living quarters, in feeling that this is stealing time from me, it’s thieving on my valuable resource of time that I must protect dearly in order to be able to create for myself my goals, and imaginations, of what I am to do in life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety, and fear when I invest time in my living quarters, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s not necessarily something bad, because at certain times you must tend to your living space, else it will deteriorate, and that would be a point of neglect, thus it’s common sense to dedicate some of your time to your home, and the place which you spend your time, so that all points are effectively cared for and works optimally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, and anxiety when things change in my environment, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being, and becoming weak, due to having these experiences, thinking that it’s signifying that I am becoming old, and unable to cope with reality as effectively as when I was younger, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be gentle with myself in facing these experiences, in realizing that I don’t have to be hard on myself, and believe that I am in anyway less than others, due to these points arising within me – and instead I am able to immediately, as the experiences come up within me, look for corrections, to stabilize and ground myself and bring myself back here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in feeling destabilized when and as I change my physical environment, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change WHO I AM, when my surroundings change, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the key to walking within and as stability in this world, is the point of being in this world, but not of this world – to stand within me in stability and thus instead of getting into a conflict with the change that occurs around me – move with the change – move with the new environment – move with what is here around me – and realize that it’s nothing bad, dangerous, or threatening – it’s simply a point of change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear, and anxiety when I look at what is here currently in my life, and then compare it to my goals, and what I wish to create in this life, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that regardless of what physical environment I create in this life, one thing will always remain the same, ME and MY relationship with and as myself, that will and won’t ever change – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that these mental projections into the future of seeing a different me out there, they aren’t real, and thus the only place to begin something is HERE – the only place to live – is HERE – the only place to walk process and birth myself from the physical – is HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that life is HERE, that creation is HERE, that there is no such thing as a future within which I will feel differently due to the things that surround me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that creating life is a process that is walked in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace creating myself, and my life in every moment of breath, and seeing, realizing and understanding that process and the birthing of life will never happen out there in a projection – it’s something that is walked and created on a breath per breath basis – and thus I commit myself to practice and align myself with HERE, with directing, moving and sorting points out immediately HERE

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I go into a stress, and anxiety, due to me feeling that my world isn’t effectively structured, and that I have no real grounding, and that I don’t know where I am going, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it’s not a solution to remain in these experiences, because fear, and anxiety doesn’t assist and support me to in anyway move forward, and thus I commit myself to in that moment take breath, stop myself, and then for a moment, look at my day within me, what I have to do, and then make some basic decisions as to how to structure my day, and also within this remember, that I might not get to everything – and that this is cool – it’s okay – and nothing to judge myself for

I commit myself to become the directive principle of my own day, through learning to effectively structure, prioritize, and build the contents of my day, and within this ground myself, and remain here, realizing that it’s only me that can give myself an oversight, and a structured routine, I have to build and establish this for myself, and it won’t come by itself

When and as I go into stress, and anxiety, because I feel that I haven’t gotten to something, that I expected of myself that I would, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this experience is an illusion, and that it’s not me that there is a problem, rather I have not assessed my time properly, or taken on too much in my life, and thus I require align my requirements of what I am to do with the actual time available to me, and practice being more disciplined in saying NO – to not take on things without really considering whether it’s practical and viable for me to walk them – and thus live the phrase – Quality before Quantity

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Day 132: My Time = My Investment

Today I listened to an interview bought from the Eqafe store called ‘Why You Don’t Really Change?’ – and it was a fascinating exposé about what we should expect of ourselves in terms of changing ourselves.

The essence of the interview was that when we place a certain amount of time into writing, or applying self-forgiveness on a point, then this should be equally seen in the amount we change in our real-time living and application – if this isn’t happening = something isn’t right. And the point that isn’t ‘right’ so to speak, is that we are then not pushing ourselves to change – we are rather expecting it to happen automatically. To get the full gist of what is shared I suggest that you purchase the interview and listen to it yourself.

So, to make this knowledge practical, I am going to take a look at, and list where and in regards to which points in my world that I have spent much time investigating, writing, and applying self-forgiveness, but where I still don’t see significant change and movement.

I already know where these points are, and it’s primarily two points – and the first one is in relation to sexuality, and defining myself, and others according to ideas of beauty, attractiveness, and sensuality – instead of me seeing the person, and their body, for what it is – a body – a person – someone here in this physical reality together with me.

The second point is about irritation – a pattern of irritation that emerge as I wake up in the morning and that arise through me participating in backchat within the nature of blame, and feeling disturbed.

Thus these are the two points that I have still to effectively bring through into physical, practical and real change.

In regards to the first point – I realize that I have yet to establish an effective commitment statement that I am able to live and implement as these points arise – I have as such not given myself proper and effective direction. Thus, the practical commitment-statement I will live when these points arise of judging, defining, or looking at another from the starting point of an energy of attraction, arousal, or their opposites as disgust and resistance is that I will:

Take a breath, and be here with my body, realize that I am a body, and not a energy, and that this person before me is equally a body and not a energy, and that I can participate with them without a energy, because the physical is here regardless of what is my energy experience – and thus I commit myself to unconditionally let go of my energy – and participate here as a physical body – through being present of my breath, of my physical movement, of the physical sensations of that moment, and as such placing my focus and attention on what is here in this physical reality – as actual physical expressions – and thus move myself out of the energetic interpretation and experience in the moment; thus simplistically – I commit myself to interact with the physical – and be here with the physical – not in the energy

In regards to the second point, I see that I have not accepted and allowed myself to firstly, really stop the morning irritation, and neither have I accepted and allowed myself to change the general presence of myself in mornings, wherein I tend to be a bit depressed, and down, not really wanting to get on with my day – participate – move – interact – and be here with my physical world and reality, thus the correction I place for myself is that I will:

When I notice irritation and anger, to take a deep breath, and say NO – I will not go there – it’s unacceptable – I will instead remain stable and participate here in this physical world and reality without any form of energy – I thus commit myself to say stop, to mean stop, and to live stop – and I realize that it’s useless to say STOP – if I don’t MEAN stop – and LIVE stop

And in regards to my general experience of feeling down, and depressed in the morning, I commit myself to allow myself to ENJOY the morning – and be ACTIVE, EXPRESSIVE, and PARTICIPATE, and be HERE with this world and reality – which I can do through for example speaking – applying self-forgiveness with myself, playing guitar, laying down to read, or interact with the cats – the primary point being that I fully immerse myself in the act of LIVING and PARICIPATING here – and realize that I don’t need any energy in me when I wake up – and that I can get out of my bed – and immerse myself in the act of LIVING – and be grateful and jubilant that I have an opportunity to immerse myself in this process of living

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Day 86: The Worst Possible Outcome

I am continuing to work with fear in relation to money, work, and career.

blog_mistakeWhat I am able to see is that I through out my day will have these instances, the short statements occurring in my mind that are based in fear. For example: “I must get that done!” – or “I should work more with my studies” – or “I wonder if I’ll be able to get through this education with sufficient grades, maybe I should prepare myself if I am not able to do that?” – so these thoughts are a type of preparing for the future thought, preparing myself for the worst possible outcome, and the essence of them is fear of survival, fear of failure, and fear of the unknown.

What I also notice is that I have this undercurrent of a anxiety within me that is churning in my chest through my day; it’s subtle, and the energy is not very clearly defined, it’s more there all the time like a presence, a constant reminder that I must apparently watch out, be aware, and make sure that I make my utmost to survive – or else!

I realize that this particular fear has been with me most of my life and that it’s been the motivating force behind many of my decisions to learn certain skills, take particular projects, and excel within them – it’s been done in order for me to survive, or rather it’s be done as a way to handle my anxieties, and fears in relation to the future.

Obviously this problem can’t be solved through my trying to fight this fear of survival, and protect myself from it – I must find the origin point and remove it. My goal within all of this is to remove all of this survivalist fear from my life, so that I am able to simply walk in this system, in this world, without being constantly busy trying to protect myself from my the things I fear will happen. Many might think that this type of fear is natural, and that nothing can be done to change this experience; though this is not so – what must be understood is that everything we experience within ourselves is self-created – it didn’t just come from nowhere – it’s not just “human nature” – it’s really a self-developed system of limitation that is the cause for much of the separation we experience in our world today.

Because consider what is the outflow consequence of 7 billion human beings only caring for their own survival, and the survival of those closest to them – the result is a massive competition where we really create that which we fear, because we’re not able to trust, and support one another – instead each of us goes “our own way” in trying to survive, and get by in this world. Isn’t this the point from which war stems as well? The incessant desire to control resources, and protect one’s land, as the point from which food grows – all coming from the fear of survival – resulting in countries declaring war upon one another in order to protect, or expand the resources at their disposal, to as such secure their own personal survival.

Though, the simple point isn’t understood, that if we’d all stop only caring for ourselves, and our own personal survival, we’d be able to trust one another, support one another, and together make sure that all are cared for – and as such this fear of survival would be totally eradicated; because we’d all know that we’re cared for, that we have what we need, and that nobody can take this away from us.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry as a burden through out my life a constant anxiety, fear, and nervousness in relation to living, and existing here on this planet – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed and fully immersed within and as fear, and anxiety for my survival – wherein each and every breath that I take in this world will be taken within this fear, within a sort of adrenaline rush, wherein I am rushing within myself to try to protect myself from any and all apparent dangers that are out there constantly waiting their opportunity to attack me, and get me down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto, and create my life around the paranoia of survival, not realizing that survival isn’t worth when all I am doing with the time within which I am able to survive, is to fear for my survival, and is to fear that I won’t be able to make it through my day in one piece, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand, that the solution is not to fear, it’s not to try to protect myself this apparent bad, and nasty world, but it’s to let go of my need to control my future, to realize that death is unavoidable, and that I can’t live effectively if I constantly worry for my survival – but that I am only able to really live in-fact when I am clear, stable, here – without being split inside myself in constantly viewing my life through a worst case scenario in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stuck within me in a churning of thoughts around my survival, around my future, and around what might happen in my life, and what might not happen, and as such and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this fear, and this anxiety doesn’t support me, and doesn’t give life in anyway, it really just serves to keep me stuck and looping inside my mind, wherein I am in-fact missing the real life, as what is here around me in every breath as my physical reality, the physical life that is here; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and unconditionally let go of this anxiety and this fear and within this accept and allow myself to live – live meaning that I am able to be fully here and appreciate the moment here without any fear, or anxiety arising within and as my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my relationship with this anxiety, exist in a obedient state of following, wherein I believe that this anxiety, and fear is a god, apparently able to predict the future, and look at things objectively and warn me about them – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that anxiety, and fear is simply a mind and mental program, and point deliberately installed into me to keep me separate from life, from living, and from being here, and walking here with and as my human physical body; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and to unconditionally let go of this anxiety and instead take the seat of being god within me – as me being the directive principle in each moment and as such that I don’t require anything else to be that god for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here when that fear arise within me, and within that see, realize, and understand that this anxiety, and fear serves no purpose within me, it holds no value within me, it’s just there as a weight that keeps me pre-occupied and lost in my mind, instead of being here living; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to make the decision to let this point go unconditionally and completely, and to realize that only I have the power to do so – and that I can wait for an entire lifetime to get rid of fear, and to get rid of anxiety – because the point that decides is me and not anyone or anything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I go into this anxiety, and fear, that I am getting more things done, that I am being more productive, that I am being more effective, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that minds hastiness, and fast paced movement as being productive, as being effective, not realizing that in this mode of being I am actually not producing, or creating anything what-so-ever – all that I am doing is that I am running around in my mind trying to protect myself from what I fear and I am not here in-fact living; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push this point of accepting and allowing myself to be here – to live here – to remain here and to not exist within and as my mind; but to stick with and as the physical – and be a physical human being here and not hold unto any form of mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this anxiety and fear isn’t practical, it isn’t managing my life, it’s just there as a constant ghost urging me to move faster, to product more, to create more, and to be more, but it’s not doing, or giving me anything of substance; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor this fear, and anxiety, and to cultivate this fear and anxiety, not realizing that it’s not life – it’s in-fact a form of death, because it brings me further from the physical, further from life, further from what is real, and what is of actual importance and relevance; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take breath, and unconditionally let go of this fear, and to not anymore accept and allow my life to in anyway be controlled, directed, and dependent upon this fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that all this anxiety does for me, is that I am running around in my mind, wherein I am trying to protect myself from, and save myself from situations, and events that haven’t yet occurred, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the simple common sense within all of this is that I don’t need this in order to in-fact live – it holds no real practical value, and as such it’s useless really; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto uselessness instead of working with, walking with, and cultivating that which is in-fact useful – practical – and gives an actual result as a practical physical outflow that I am able to see, measure, and physically benefit from

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into a stress, and a fear, and anxiety towards the future, towards my survival, and that I won’t be able to effectively take care for myself, and protect myself in this world – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am in this moment completely limiting and withholding myself into and as energy, into and as the mind, into and as a state of unawareness wherein life really is slipping away from me, because I am not cultivating, and honoring, and supporting myself as life here; as such I commit myself to unconditionally let this fear, anxiety, and worry go – and live here fully – within the slowness, and the calmness of life as the living pace of breath, not stressing, fearing, or moving myself in anxiety – but moving myself HERE

When and as I see that I am going into a fast paced movement that is driven and motivated by anxiety, and fear, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I realize that this fast paced movement of trying to get somewhere, won’t in actuality get me anywhere, it will just have me stand still and be completely stuck in a experience of fear, a experience of anxiety, as such I commit myself to slow down – to breath and be aware of my breath and let myself smell the roses and be here – and really appreciate the physical as it exists here with me in every moment of breath

I am here – It’s done

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Day 29: Test-anxiety – The Calm Before The Storm (Part 16)

Because I’ve now walked this character for some time – I’ve begun to experience a sense of ease, and peace within me in relation to studying for my test – I do not anymore experience it as this life, and death-situation – and when I am studying – I am simply sitting there studying.

the_calm_before_the_storm__by_dead_mans_hand-d497pd9Though, there are some lingering thoughts left within me that disturb me – and that I notice are coming from fear, and anxiety. One of these thoughts is a fantasy, a projection of me doing the test – me sitting in the examination-hall – looking down at my papers – trying to remember all the information that I’ve been studying so feverishly – sitting there being nervous as to what question is going to come – and within that projection – I can see how I am thinking about whether I’ve forgotten something – what if I’ve studied the wrong things? What if I’ve made a crucial mistake and I am going to regret myself – and I am going to walk out of this hall and feel like shit?

What I’ve understood is that the grades on my test DO NOT DEFINE ME – but I’ve not fully lived this understanding in flesh – because – I still do believe that the grades I will receive on this test will define who I am – will define my very future – will be the very point that is going to either have me make it, or break it – fascinating – because in looking at my life up to this point – I am able to see how insignificant the results on the tests that I’ve taken have been in actually influencing my ability to stand, live, and walk in this system – what has been important has instead been my dedication to the particular subject – and me actually learning, comprehending, and understanding information in school – because that is something that I’ve been able to take with me – and use later in my life; though obviously – the grades have had some influence – as to what university courses I’ve been able to apply to – so – it’s not to say that they are meaningless – but obviously – they are not everything of the education – only a part.

Thus here it is to understand that – even though I do not receive the best grade – it doesn’t mean that I’ve failed my entire education – it only means that I’ve failed with one objective that I set for myself as to what type of results I want to have in walking this education – and thus – it’s important to not make it TO BIG – but to see it for what it is – and then look at SOLUTIONS.

I mean – it’s fascinating – when I go into fear, anxiety, nervous, and worry – that’s everything that exists to me – nothing else exists but this fear, anxiety, nervousness, and worry – and thus I completely forget that I am able to implement and live solutions – to in such a way make sure that I do receive the grade that I want to have – so – I can see that this process is a “double process” so to speak – meaning – I must walk the INNER change – meaning – let go of fear, and self-definitions in relation to achieving in school – and then walk a OUTER process – as in-fact establishing solutions so that I am able to get the grades that I want to have – because I see that it can be useful for me in terms of opening up opportunities in the system in the future.

The key is to – let go of the bullshit – and then focus on facing, correcting, and walking through real physical reality – which involve finding, and implementing solutions – it shouldn’t be that difficult!

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that fear, anxiety, and nervousness is a solution to my problems – and that when I go into and enter this form of experience – everything will be okay – because apparently I am dealing with my reality, and I am sorting out points in my world when I go into stress, fear, anxiety, and nervousness – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this is NOT TRUE – and that when I go into a experience – I mean – I am simply going into an experience – and there is nothing within which change the situation that I am facing – it’s simply me postponing actually dealing with the real – physical – and actual problems that I am facing in my day to day living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the mind is really one big excuse – it’s one big justification to not have to deal with real – physical – reality – it’s function is to make me feel certain particular experiences – and within that go into, and loose myself in this experience – and think that I am now “dealing with reality” because I am in this “though experience” – while really I am just lost in my mind fighting demons that aren’t real – and then letting my reality go to shit – because I am not bringing myself back here – and developing – walking – a PHYSICAL PRACTICAL SOLUTION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this is also reflected in the functioning of the world system – wherein there are countless of activists, and revolutionaries trying to change the system – and they protest – become angry – and feel like they are treated badly – and they rebel – and they feel superior and good about themselves – and the win, and they loose – and they are in this orgy of experience – but NO ONE is breathing here – looking at the practical physical situation – and then in breath – in the simplicity of self-movement – simply doing that which is needed in order to correct the point – and bring the point to a conclusion – as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that there are specific tools of support available in my world for me to become more effective in my reading skills – and thus in me integrating the information in the courses that I am walking – – and that thus – there are actual SOLUTIONS available here – all I have to do is to get out of this completely unnecessary experience of fear – and go into a solution immediately – and simply stop fear – because it doesn’t get me anywhere what so ever!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that the more I think about my test – and the more I fear my test – the better it will go for me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create some type of ritualistic belief within me – like a voodoo doll – wherein my thoughts of fear are these sacrifices that I make to the “test-god” that he will treat me benevolently and have me score a good mark – not seeing, realizing, and understanding that FEAR doesn’t help me – I mean I’ve proved this to myself countless of times – fear makes me ineffective – fear makes me stress, and not read information properly – fear makes me stupid – fear makes me not able to think, and consider the information that is here in a open-minded – and relaxed state of being – I meaning – I know this because I’ve done tests in fear before in my life time – and I’ve always managed to exceed when I’ve been relaxed, and comfortable – and not stressed as to the outcome of the test

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give up the desire for my life to be a life of excellence – and instead focus, and give my life to creating a world that is best for all – thus within this – giving up self-interest – and within this giving up fear – as fear can only exist where self-interest exist – and thus I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to study – and do my test – and aim for a good mark – from within and as the starting point of placing myself in a position in this world where I am able to have influence – and make a difference – as walking for all – and not for my own self-interest as fear – but instead walking – and making studies to be about everyone, and everything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I hold no personal value to points in my world – I do not fear loosing the points – thus fear is a product of me placing value separate from me – thinking that I require certain external points in my world in order to keep me stable – and keep my sane – and keep me going – and within this I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to breath – and to let go of this value that I’ve separated from myself – and instead see, realize, and understand – that the only value that exist – is the value of this moment here – as me living life as what is best for all – thus value being equal to life – as living by a principle that will bring forth true excellence on a global and existential level

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am holding unto fear, anxiety, and nervousness, thinking that these experiences are helping me – that they are making me more safe, and that me having these experiences imply that I am taking care of my world – and reality – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in essence – everything that is of the mind – as a mental projection have no value in this physical world – some points do – that are aligned with the physical and that can be directly applied into and as this physical world with direct results – for example mathematics – but FEAR – that is of NO USE – and is simply holding me back from implementing a solution – and living that which I see will actually on a physical level be able to change the situation that I am; as such I commit myself to stop relying on the mind – and fear – for anything – and I instead commit myself to really only upon physical feedback as actual results that I am able to measure – that is trustworthy – nothing else is

When and as I see that I am participating in my mind, as experiences – as feelings – as fear of doing my exams – as fear that I am going to fail – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that fear is useless – meaning that – fear doesn’t help me to do better on my tests – is only a experience – a sort of masochistic entertainment – wherein I go into my mind and think that I am “working with reality” – when really I am just in my mind – and not doing anything what-so-ever in my reality – simply because I am not in reality – as I am in my mind; as such I commit myself to be IN REALITY at all times – and to realize that when I am in fear – I am not in reality – thus not walking HERE and developing solutions – but pacifying myself in the drugs of the mind as emotions, and feelings

When and as I see that I am going into a experience – into fear – into nervousness – into disbelief – instead of developing a solution – locating the problem – defining the problem – clarifying a course of action that I am able to take in order to remove the problem – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that only physical – self-willed – self-movement is valid – and only within walking such a point will I be able to produce real – and actual results for myself – to do have an effect in my life – in the life’s of others

When and as I see that I am going into fear – which is a form of ignorance – as not being clear as to what I am facing – and exactly how to deal with, and walk through what I am facing – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand – that I will only have results when I stick to the facts of what is here – when I work with facts – as reality – that is when real results will come to fruition; as such I commit myself to work with what is real – with what I KNOW – because that is certain – and that is not a fluffy experience – but something that I am able to cross-reference – and be completely certain about

When, and as I see that I am feeling safe, and secure because I experience fear towards a particular point – and within this thinking that me having this fear means that I will be really motivated, and ambitious, and take good care of this opportunity – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – fear have never protected anyone – I mean – look at those going to war – soldiers – all of them possessed with fear – yet still how many is coming back from the war? Not many – only a few survive regardless of whether they experienced fear or not – and as such I commit myself to not fear – but to stick with facts – with what I know is proof – real – and valid – because that will bring me actual results

When and as I see that I am looking at my life as “my life” – as a separate island from all other human beings – and that I within that go into desires, and fears – as what I desire my life to become, and what I fear that my life could become – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand – that real peace – and real comfortableness with myself – can only be achieved when I let go of myself – as my self-interest – and my desire to lead and have a special life – and instead give up my one life to live for everyone – to live for all – as that implies giving up my inner reality of madness to instead focus upon that which is value to everyone; as such I commit myself to give up this one life – and dedicate this one life to the creation of a solution that is best for all in everyway – as such let go of self-interest – and let go of fear – and instead live for all

When and as I see that I am going into fear – as I fear loosing points in my world, because I’ve placed a personal value unto these points in my world – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – when I let go of placing value outside of myself – I will become untouchable – because not anymore will me stability, and foundation be based upon points that change – that are changeable in their very nature – but instead my stand will be HERE as breath – solid – because breath is ALWAYS here – the same – yesterday, today, and tomorrow – and such I commit myself to let go of personal value – and instead stand as breath in every moment – and be re-born in each in-breath – and let go – and die – in out-breath

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