Tag Archives: ownership

Day 453: Dealing With Money

Money, it is a fascinating thing. Not only because it controls so many aspects of our lives, but also because it is a great reflection of ourselves. I have recently faced a couple of situations where I have come face to face with how I value myself, and how this comes through in my relationship with money.

There has been two contexts within which I have faced this point. The first context has to do with daring to ask for money for work that I have done, and the second has to do with daring to ask for a certain quality to be delivered, when I purchase a service or goods.

In the instances when I have been the ‘giver’ – I have been fearful of asking for money. I have also had a tendency to want to devalue myself and the services I offer. I have found that I feel better about myself when I charge less, compared to when I charge a lot. To me, on a deeper level, that reflects a lack of self-confidence and a lack of self-value – where I literally cannot see my own value and thus I do not want to claim more money than I perceive myself to be worth.

Recently I experienced this when I negotiated my salary, or rather, did not negotiate my salary. Instead I accepted my salary. I was satisfied with it, however, it was calculated according to a index that I did not entirely understand. Thus, when it came to actually receiving the salary, I was fearful and anxious about opening up and discussing this point with my boss. Though why would I be? I am not working for free, that is obvious for everyone involved. Still, I want to project a fake image of me not ‘caring’ about the money. Such a way of handling money is most definitely self-compromising – and leads to difficulties. The correction I see here is to dare to be honest and open about the point, discuss it, walk through the conflict and find a solution.

Then the second context, when I am the receiver, it has to do with me fearing to speak up and voice myself when I notice that I receive less value than what I have bargained for. An example of this from my life as of recent is the house I built together with my partner. Parts of the house, I am dissatisfied with, however, when it was built, I feared sharing this with the carpenter – because I did not want to cause a fight. I was fearful about making it all about the money, and being perceived as greedy.

Though, a fact of this reality is that, most things are about the money. Everything has a price. And either, we stand as directive in relation to money, or we just accept and allow shit to happen. Caring for money is not the same as being greedy, rather, it makes sense. In a reality, in a world, where everything is about money, learning to deal with money will make life a lot easier. And if I had stood up and directed my dissatisfaction and opened up a line of discussion with the carpenter, many parts of the house would have been more effective. Thus, I spared myself from the momentary discomfort of having a conflict, though I caused myself a long-term hassle, because now I live in a house, day-out and day-in – which I am not entirely satisfied with.

Money, it is funny – why do we make it such a big deal? Where I live, it is seen as dirty to have a lot of money. We do not talk about money, and many live simple lives, even though they might be really rich. However, only because we try to portray ourselves as humble and simple when it comes to money, I would say, that in the core, we are just as greedy and hungry for more, as everyone else. However, we are able to suppress it. Unfortunately, that causes us to be inefficient in dealing with money, because we push away conflicts and disagreements – and hope that everything will sort itself out for the best without our involvement. That SELDOM happens.

And that is something I have come to see recently – that being passive and hoping for things to pan out nicely – it does not work. If I see a direction that is best, it is my responsibility to push through and make that direction a reality. In the past, and especially when it has come to money, I have held myself back from doing that, and later on, I have had to live with the consequences. It might be, that because I am quite easy to satisfy, I have been able to live with the consequences. Though now, I do see how much better things could have been if I had learned and pushed through to direct the conflicts when they emerged. Especially when it comes to money.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dealing with money, and to perceive money as something dirty that I want to disassociate myself from, thinking that money is bad and wrong – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that I also desire/want/feel that I need money in my life – and hence I am creating a conflict within me, where I on the one hand fear money, and on the other hand I desire money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dealing with and working with money – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as a evil that I do not want to really concern myself with – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that with this approach, I am suppressing and shutting out a point in my life, money, which is a really important part of life, hence actually compromising myself – because I am disabling myself from directing/dealing with a important point/part in life – money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize my desire for money, and thus instead of suppressing and trying to deal with this desire by using morality, that I instead focus on understanding my desire, focus on where this desire comes from, and how I can enable myself to change this desire into a common sense relationship with money where it is not about desire or fear – but where it is about using money in a common sense way that is best for everyone involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become crazed with desire/want when I receive more money than what I normally have, and want/desire to buy everything that I can put my hands on – and within this use morality/fear to suppress this desire and return to status quo – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead understand my desires, to understand my fears, to learn where they are coming from, so that I can learn to direct myself and stand stable, and use my money with common sense, instead of using my money within and as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear talking about money, to fear asking for money for services that I provide and to fear demanding quality for services and goods that I buy – to fear having money as a topic that I bring up and discuss with others as a important part in my decision making process when it comes to making decisions and directing myself in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from the topic of money through pretending that everything is fine and okay – and through being ashamed and fearful when it comes to discussing and talking about money – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for example haggling when I purchase things – to fear demanding a higher price when selling something – to fear being completely open and at ease with dealing with and discussing money with others and as such empowering myself in this part of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about money, and desire money at the same time, and thus put myself in a limbo, where I am in a constant thought-process/movement in relation to money – instead of effectively dealing with/using the money I have, or learning to do so, in stability and with common sense – where I do not worry not having money, and neither do I desire having money, but where my relationship with money is instead clear, specific and stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need and require fear to be effective with money, and that it is supportive to be shy and nervous around money, because apparently, it protects me from poverty, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that pretending as if money does not exist is not a solution and it will not mean that all my money problems suddenly, from one day to the other, will disappear – rather – a more effective solution would be to learn to use and direct money effectively without emotions clouding my vision and ability to act and deal money effectively

Self-commitment statements

When and as I notice myself going into fear with regards to dealing with, being direct with money, and I want to hide away, and suppress myself, I immediately take a breath, I stop myself and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that becoming shy and fearful about speaking about money does not support me to effectively direct my money situation, rather it makes me less effective, where I hide and hope that things will go away by themselves, instead of taking the bull by its horns and speaking it as it is – and thus I commit myself to practice being direct and open when it comes to money – to discuss the issues and do it here and not try to project and show off a facade that is not even real to begin with


 

lots_of_stuff

Day 338: Have You Become A Stuff Protector?

“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

George Carlin

Stuff, things, pretty things, expensive things, nice things, old things, entertaining things, desirable things, unnecessary things, all these are part of the average lifestyle of the first world country human being, from beginning of life till the end, we are overwhelmed with stuff. We value the concept of ownership tenaciously, and most of us strive to expand our sphere of ownership in various ways – mostly through career and money – but also through experiential ownership in the form of memories, spiritual, religious or adventurous experiences, thoughts, education, and more. Objectively speaking, ownership is a not a problematic or consequential concept what-so-ever. To own is simply a verb that defines the action of having physical or mental control/possession over something. However, when ownership becomes feeling/emotional-based – and when we start to define OURSELVES – WHO WE ARE – according to our possessions, that is when this lifestyle must be put into question.

I recently read an article about a wealthy person that had been part of a long and tumultuous divorce process stretching over several years – and in the process – he had lost most of his belongings to his former spouse. What I found fascinating was how this individual, even though years had passed, was still investing time, effort and energy, in pursuing more court procedures, attempting to get back the things that he had once owned. In this person, I could clearly see the disturbingly  addictive quality that money and ownership can have, where without us being really aware of it, what we value and pay attention to slowly changes from ourselves HERE – to what we own, to our things, and what we want to have, and what we already have. What takes a back seat is LIVING – and what becomes the primary focus is MONEY and expanding our sphere of OWNERSHIP.

As I read this article, I could not help but reflecting on my own life, and how I have changed in many ways similar to this person since I was young. Because, when I was younger, from my years as a baby to my later teenage years, the focus within me was more on PHYSICAL living – and as I aged – this focus slowly started to change into money and ownership. I could see this pattern playing out even clearer as my partner and I built a house together. When the house stood finished, I started to have experiences and thoughts that were previously unknown to me. For example, a mistake that had been made in the building process, the shower was not placed correctly and as I had imagined it, that started to gnaw on me, and emotions came up of regret, judgment, fears and anxieties, all because my greatest and most valuable possession (the house I live in) was not built as perfectly as I desired, and thus, was not worth as much money as I had expected.

I took a while for me to realize what was going on, and how, instead of me using and owning my possessions as a practical part of my daily life, my possessions were internally owning and possessing me through constantly being in the back of my mind.

“He who looks after, takes care of things; forgets by and by that things were meant to serve him, and it does not strike him now when he started to serve them.”

Osho

Osho made some interesting observations about ownership. One of these is how we make ourselves a slave to our things when we relate to them using emotions or feelings, and thus make them part of WHO WE ARE – and by implication – making ourselves dependent on our things to be WHO WE ARE. For example, a master can only be a master if he has a slave, if the slave disappears, the master looses the thing he used to create his self-definition – thus causing inner conflict.

What can be learned from all of this? The way I see it, the point to understand is that possessions, things, stuff, are not part of WHO WE ARE – we were not born with them and we will not be able to take them with us when we die. The house that I built, and that I now live in, the various physical parts that constitutes the house were here before I was born, and they will continue to be here when I have died, maybe in the form of a house, maybe in some different shape – in any case – the house does not define me. Sure, I use the house, I live in it, and I can appreciate the various creature comforts it provides, but it does not define me. And that is the key to joyful living – to be IN this world – YET – not OF this world. To keep our jobs, care for our possessions, tend to our bodies, yet never forget that these things does not make us.

Children are inspirational examples that show what it means to be in this world yet not of this world. Children, they are not yet defined, limited, and confined within a certain lifestyle, position, or career – they are free to express themselves regardless of where they happen to be at the moment – and that is something we should all strive to create within ourselves – the FREEDOM to express even though we happen to live in a limited system that seldom allows us to bring that point of expression into full application.

I would like to end of with sharing one important point of consideration that I have come to realize with stuff. Many seem to believe that it is the stuff we own that ties us down, makes us materialistic, egoistic, possessive, and self-interested – that makes us forget the unconditional joy we could access as children – however – this is not the case. We must not accept and allow ourselves to blame our stuff, or believe that we through getting rid of stuff can erase and change our relationship with this reality and the stuff that populates it. Because the problem is and has always been ourselves, and our relationship with ourselves. Most stuff that we desire and want are but projections of our own inner state of lack, only there because we have not created ourselves to live according to our utmost potential – and thus – our desire to consume and acquire more things is in actuality a misdirected attempt to fulfill ourselves. It is the same process that occurs when people start to mold and shape their bodies to resemble images portrayed in media, believing that by attaining such a picture perfect body image they will feel whole and fulfilled – that is not the case – it is an illusion.

Hence, if you notice movements within yourself in relation to the things you own, it is a cool cross-reference point, because then you know that there are still points to work with. A feeling of desire towards owning more entertainment gadgets could imply that you are not yet sufficiently capable of entertaining yourself, or creating an entertaining life for yourself. The correction is thus not to sell your television, but rather to look at the underlying issue that creates the experience of desire.


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Day 323: Redefining the word possession

In this blog I am going to work with redefining the word possession. I have decided to work with this word because since I moved to a farm, and within that started to take care of all the various houses, machines, stables, and tools that are here, I been feeling locked/trapped by all of these responsibilities. I have experienced myself as if my possessions possess me – and that my life is solely about making sure that all of these things around me work properly and are at their utmost potential. Hence, I have seen a need to clarify my relationship to things, and to make sure that I am not possessed by what is in my world, but that I possess/own/use what is in my world. To support myself in this process or redefining possession I have listened to the Eqafe interview ‘Possessed or Possessor? – Relationship Success Support’.

How I have l lived the word possession thus far

I have lived the word possession mostly with relation emotional/feeling experiences, as in being possessed by them, however, with regards to things and material possessions, this I have not experienced as a big or problematic. Usually I have not placed sentimental value on my home, or things that I own, and it has been easy for me, to without a feeling of loss, move to a new place. However, some things have been close to my heart, for example guitars I have purchased, technical equipment, and other similar stuff that I have saved up to, and then bought after a long period of desire. Those things I have felt responsible for and connected to in a different way. And when such things have gone missing, or been damaged, it has caused me to become upset and emotional.

In terms of the word possession, I have had a negative emotional connotation to this word, and seen it as a weakness of character. Apparently, to possess, or become possessed is bad – however as I look at it now I do see that possession does not have to be defined as either good or bad – and it can instead be seen for what it is – owning/controlling/having access to a particular gods.

Dictionary definition

1 [mass noun] the state of having, owning, or controlling something.
– Law visible power or control over something, as distinct from lawful ownership; holding or occupancy as distinct from ownership.
– informal the state of possessing an illegal drug: they’re charged with possession.
– (in soccer, rugby, and other ball games) temporary control of the ball by a player or team.
2 (usu. possessions) something that is owned or possessed.
• a territory or country controlled or governed by another: France’s former colonial possessions.
3 [ mass noun ] the state of being controlled by a demon or spirit: they said prayers to protect the people inside the hall from demonic possession.
– the state of being completely dominated by an idea or emotion: fear took possession of my soul.

Etymology

mid-14c., “act or fact of possessing, a taking possession, occupation,” also “thing possessed, that which is possessed,” from Old French possession “fact of having and holding; what is possessed;” also “demonic possession,” and directly from Latin possessionem (nominative possessio), noun of action from past participle stem of possidere “to possess” (see possess). Legal property sense is earliest; demonic sense first recorded 1580s. Phrase possession is nine (or eleven) points of the law is out of a supposed 10 (or 12). With eleven from 1640s; with nine from 1690s

Sounding of the word

Post-it-session
Position
Poor-session
Posse-easePus-session
Post-station

Creative writing

Possession is a form of position. The word indicates my position in relation to something else. For example, if I possess a car, then I have a certain position in relation to that car – a position of ownership – which means that I exact a form of control over that object. However, in another sense, it is not possible for me to own anything, because all things will stay behind as I die. Further, even though I might loose everything I have, the things I have owned still exists within me, as the stories, experiences, realizations and processes that I have walked. Everything exists equally within me as without. Hence, possession takes place HERE in my immediate environment, with the things I can touch and see. Other things, that are not in my immediate environment, they are not things I possess, as I do not exact control over them.

The word possession thus, defined practically, would simply entail having a thing in my immediate presence that I exact some form of control over and can manipulate as I please; it clarifies my position in relation to something else in a moment, wherein my position is that of controlling the object.

Redefinition

Controlling an object that is in my immediate presence

I Became a Thief for A Few Seconds

Yesterday as I went shopping with my mother I came to face an interesting part of myself. So, we where standing in the shopping queue and the cashier were registrating our groceries. I decided to go down to the end of the conveyor belt, on which our groceries slid down after having been noted; in this process I went through the ‘thief detectors’, those plastic pillars at the end of a shop, designed to react when a magnetic strip that isn’t yet deactivated by the cashier, is brought through, and obviously – the alarm went off.

Yellow light began to blink and a sharp sound went through the store. I was like, shit! Is this me doing this shit? But – I pushed myself to remain here as breath and instead of me being called to the counter – the guy next to me was called to report with the cashier. During this moment I actually reacted, but I was still able to, at least portray myself as calm – lol.

Then the moment of truth arrived as the cashier let of the man and he commenced to venture through the plastic pillars with no alarm going off – suddenly – I was the convict! So, the cashier asked me if I could go back and then enter through the plastic pillars again. As I did what was ordered of me, obviously the alarm went off, and suddenly this experience of extreme embarrassment started to raise within me – because now I was a criminal – the alarm had caught me and people now thought that I had stolen something; this was the thought pattern that went through my mind and in relation to this I felt very uncomfortable – and much like I wanted to hide or escape through the floor of the store.

But I still held myself together and I didn’t fall down upon the floor in shock as to this ‘extreme’ and ‘unexpected’ event occurring in my world. I proceeded to get myself out of this situation and so I ventured to the cashier that said to me: you probably have stuff in your pockets that make the alarm go off. This was when fascinating stuff began to happen – as I noticed that I didn’t really have any control over myself – it was like I acted in total survival autopilot – as I gave my wallet and key’s to the cashier, experiencing quite the ball of anxiety in my chest; instead of simply walking down to the pillars of plastic myself, removing my wallet and keys and walking through. It was like simply gave up all common sense and self-direction, as all I desired and wanted to do was to please this cashier and have her spare my life!

So, I gave her my keys and my wallet and she said – put them on the conveyor belt, which I did – and then I walked through the plastic pillars which where now pleased with my presence as they didn’t sound their alarm. I noticed that I feared to pick up my wallet and my keys lying on the conveyor belt, because I had been ordered to not do so, while I knew, that if I picked up my keys and wallets, now when I had received permission from the gods of plastic to exist as a free man, there was really no practical use of having my keys and wallets there – so I picked them up! And the event ended!

As it was all over I became amazed at how much I had reacted towards this point. I had reacted to the fact of being seen by others as a criminal and I had reacted towards authority through giving up all self-direction and simply following what another told me to do – in order to escape punishment. It was fascinating.

As I got home and applied self-forgiveness on the point I realized that I had separated myself from criminals, the outcasts of this world, seeing them as something shameful and inferior to the apparent ‘good’ citizen of this world – while in-fact the very existence of the ‘good’ citizen marks the creation of the ‘bad’ outcast citizen.

Thus – I realized that there is nothing immoral about stealing, there is nothing embarrassing about being an outcast, no-one is more good than me, or more bad than me – as we are all apart of and responsible for a system that supports the very existence of theft and becoming an outcast. There is no one that can be said to be moral, as either we are all moral – as we are collectively creating a system that supports everyone, or we are all immoral, as we collectively create a system wherein people are forced to crime in order to survive.

Thus – I stand one and equal as the criminal here – ending separation – realizing that if there is but one criminal, as a thief on this earth, I am as responsible for his life as he himself is – as I accepted and allowed myself to be apart of the very origin issue, as to why he became a criminal – a unequal money system!

This means that the solution to end crime and to have all people be ‘good’ – is equal money – as we end the polarity of have and have not’s and instead establish only have’s. Then morality will be real.

As to the point of authority – well – it’s a fascinating point. Seeking to be accepted, following orders without a second thought, only to avoid a possible punishment. It’s fascinating to see how automated these points are – and how much I’ve given up the ability to direct myself effectively, through wanting and desiring to have another direct me instead – within the belief that they are apparently more powerful than me; they are not! There are in-fact no authorities – there is but one authority and that is me. The fact that I perceive and act as if there are authorities outside of me – only shows to me that I’ve given up myself as self-authority.

Thus – I stand up as breath and I become the author of me once again – as the movement and direction in the moment that isn’t derived from fear – but from within and as the principle of what is best for all.