Tag Archives: parent

Day 347: Babies

Yesterday I looked at the documentary ‘Babies’ that follows four humans through their first year after birth. Two of the babies featured in the film are from rural areas: Ponijao from Namibia, and Bayar from Mongolia. The two other are from urban areas: Mari from Tokyo, Japan, and Hattie from San Francisco, U.S.

I found the film interesting because it showed the difference between how people relate to babies and parenthood in first world countries, compared to third world countries. And one point that came through clearly was how the first world parents were more anxious, and worried about their babies, and approached the point of upbringing using intellect. For example, in the first world, the parents took their babies to ‘baby-classes’ – which is a couple of parents coming together with their babies, and with the help of a circle leader – the parents then explore a topic together with their babies. In the movie the first world babies sang songs with the parents about ‘mother earth’ for example.

In contrast, the third world babies grew up very close to the ground, and in case of the Namibian baby Ponijao, she literally grew up in the dirt, as neither the hut where she lived, or her environment provided anything else but dirt as a floor. And it was fascinating to see the difference, how Ponijaos mother was very relaxed and did not try to be or do anything more than usual. When Ponijao was born, her mother simply continued the normal day-to-day activities, yet now, taking Ponijao with her at all times. She did not try to educate or teach Ponijao anything from that stressed and anxious starting point that can be seen in first world parents, such as reading stories to make sure that the child gets the necessary vocabulary as fast as possible, so that it will do good in school later on. Instead Ponijaos mother remained stable, and when Ponijao indicated that she was ready to learn something or expand, her mother would naturally and smoothly move herself to show that particular aspect of reality. The development of Ponijao was on her premises, in her pace, not forced, not stressed, not controlled.

From what I can see, us in the first world, we have lost touch with our physical nature to such an extent that we do not anymore trust ourselves to birth and rear children, as a natural expression of ourselves. One of the reasons for this is because our lives has become removed from any deep connection with and understanding of earth. We do not grow our food anymore, or slaughter the animals we eat, we just go to the supermarket and buy what we need. And in the city, we see some trees here and there, however, we seldom get to experience and be part of a wild and expansive nature stretching a far as we can see. We are very protected from the sensations of reality, and thus, we do not create an effective relationship with the physical, and when the body births a baby, which is a natural expression of the physical body, we simply do not know how to deal with it. And try to read books, and figure out how we should be as parents, and make up plans for, and create magnificent illusions of how our future will be, without any real understanding of the physical expression of the body. And what happens when the baby is born? Oftentimes, chaos ensues, as we are brutally awakened by the reality of what it means and implies to have a baby.

If there is something I took with me from this film it is the importance of not approaching childbirth and raising a child from within and as fear and anxiety – not make it anything more than it is – not try to come up with theorems, educational tactics and other intellectual designs. Instead, to approach having a children as something that is natural – trusting the human physical body to do its thing – and then as the baby is here – trusting myself to direct each and every moment according to what is best for all. Understanding that a good education is not necessarily to learn to play a instrument, and three languages fluently, but it might instead be, to simply be with and discover reality, in a comfortable and slow pace. If the baby does not have an inclination towards reading, then why force it? The urge to control always arise from some type of irrational fear, and as a parent, it is very important to not let those fears take a hold, and begin to mold and design, and essentially limit, our child’s life from within and as those fears.

Childbirth and taking care of children are all natural parts of the physical – and us making such a big deal out of it only goes to show that we have separated ourselves from the physical – instead of standing one and equal with the physical – and walking the process of birth and parenting HERE – within self-trust.

 


Check out the following interview on parenting
https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-1

Learn more about this way of living:

Day 283: I Do More Than You!

Living on a farm implies taking care of stuff, and if you live on a farm that accommodates animals, taking care of stuff, implies taking care of animals. This is that situation that I am in at the moment, living on a farm with animals, and having responsibilities to tend to the animals.

However, in my situation there are some unusual variables to take into account. The animals, chickens in this case, are not legally ‘owned’ by me and another person has the more dominant, ‘ownership’ role in relation to the chickens. My responsibility to tend to the chickens was initially someone else’s idea, and the plan was that two persons were to clean the chicken coupe each weekend. These variables are important to consider, as they are an important of the reactions that have come up within me in relation to this responsibility.

So, as for the reactions, I have had thought of seeing myself as being jailed and used as a chicken caretaker, because recently, due to various reasons, I have had to clean the chicken coupe by myself, and still, I do not feel as if I am given any influence and power of the chickens as a ‘owner’ – and hence the backchat have come up: ‘I am the one doing all the work, yet I get nothing in return, people are just using me, I should not stand for this!’ – ‘I do not get anything out of this, why should I have to care for the chickens?’. Now, the emotional experience is unfairness, and resentment, and on a deeper level, it is all blame.

However, as I have walked this point, and become aware of these reactions, I have started to question this unfairness, and the concept of ‘ownership’ and ‘control’ – and why there must be an aspect of remuneration involved for something to feel as if it is ‘worth it’. As children, we were part of numerous projects, and responsibilities, yet seldom was there are sense of having to claim ownership and gain a form of reward because of our participation. It was a lot more natural to give, and receive, without thinking about who is getting more, who is gaining, who is loosing, etc.

I looked at the point today, and I realized that there are many people benefitting from the chickens that I care for. This benefit has no monetary implications for me; there are no rewards, though I can see, that what I do gives people nourishing and healthy eggs. Further, I take pressure of the actual owner of the chickens, as she does not have to give as much time and energy into caring for them. Moreover, it is actually supportive for me on a physical level to be outside, breathe some fresh air, and move my physical body around.

Hence, what I can see is that there are many positive effects flowing from my participation. And the experience I have of unfairness, well, it is just that, an experience, and it has no physical standing – because what does unfair really mean? That it feels as if everything is not equal for everyone? Why should it be exactly the same for everyone? We all have different schedules, different preferences, and different lives; hence, it is obvious that all things cannot be exactly the same for everyone.

Instead of looking at the experience of unfairness, what I should instead look at is physical, practical, cons that flow from this current setup. And here I can only see one, that I loose time. But time is something I do have, and caring for the chickens’ causes no buildup of pressure, and time constraint in my life – I have the opportunity to clean the chicken coupe without detrimental effects. And that means, that the only negative of this setup, is that it feels unfair, and as if I am being used – there is actually no real physical con.

This is a cool example of how something that feels like a big problem, in reality is no problem – and how it is easy to be fooled by the emotions of the mind when making decisions – believing that only because there is a emotion coming up, and this emotion is very intense, that it must mean that what the emotion is conveying is correct. A rule of thumb should thus be to wait with making any decisions until all emotions have been cleared – and the real, physical pros and cons of the decision have been established.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am facing a conflict within me, to place my focus on what I feel, instead of looking at the practical pros and cons of the situation, to look at what is a problem here in this physical reality, and not on what I feel is a problem in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that unfairness, and something not being just, are not acceptable reasons for deciding to not do something, because unfairness and injustice, both of these points are mental, meaning that they exist separately from this physical reality, and have no connection to what is needed, and what is best on a physical level – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain in the physical through looking at the physical pros and cons of a particular decision that I am facing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is unfair that I have to clean the chicken coupe even though I do not own the chickens, and I do not get to take part of all the perks of being the owner of the chickens, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in the idea/experience of ownership, and control, and make that point more relevant, and prevalent in my mind, than looking at what the actual benefits are of my participation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with and as backchat of how I feel that I am being used for the benefit of someone else, and that I am not getting to, or receiving all the perks that I see/feel someone else is, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my focus and attention on this point of unfairness, and enlarge it in my mind, to such an extent that I cannot anymore see the benefits flowing from the point, and where it is all about how I feel that it is unfair, how I feel that it is not equal, and that it is not good, and that it should be different

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be content with assisting and supporting a point in my life because I see that it is of benefit to others, and understanding that I do not need some form of leadership position, I do not need some form of special position, I do not need all the perks, what I require is that the physical pros of a point exceeds the cons, because when that is the case, it is best for all the apply myself in relation to the point, and when something is best for all, that is all the reason I need to get going

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that the solution is, to instead of thinking about, looking at whether the point is fair or not, to look at whether the point is best for all or not, because when a point is best for all, benefitting me as well as others, well, then there is no reason why I shouldn’t push myself and walk the point, and then it doesn’t matter who is in charge, who owns what, and what is where, because the point I am participating within will have a positive outflow effect unto others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is what it means to participate and live this life without ego, to be able to walk in this world and look at all points from a starting point of seeing whether it is best for all or not, and acting according to that, hence, not looking at points from within the question: ‘Does this serve me?’ – or – ‘Is this fair/just?’ – rather from the question: ‘Does this point support life’? – and if it does – there is sufficient reason to walk the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this not see, realize and understand, that when unfairness comes up within me, it is an indication that I have not yet established clearly my starting point, and that I have not yet looked at, considered whether the point that is before me is best for all, and whether there is as such a benefit in my walking/taking the point on – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not broaden my view, and way of looking at my life, and the points I participate within, to ask myself, is this best for all, does this support life, and is this supportive for me? And on the basis of the answer I receive on this question – ACT and move myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am reacting in a emotion of unfairness, resentment, and feeling that something is unjust, because I have to help with something, or do more than another, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this unfairness exists within me because I have not yet established how I am in relation to the point that I am facing, I have not yet discerned where I stand, and thus I commit myself to ask, what the pros and cons of the point are, and if the pros outweigh the cons, to then make the decision to participate in the point, and do so unconditionally, because I see that it is best for all – and in this understand that unfairness is a limited concept not taking into account that what is best for all does not need to be fair or just

When and as I see that am reacting in a emotion of unfairness, resentment, and feeling like I have to do more than another, while it is another that gets the most out of it, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this experience is mental, that it is a concept based on a mental picture of my life, and not on the actual physical practicalities of my life, and thus I commit myself to bring myself back to what is practical, through asking myself: ‘Okay, what are the pros and cons of this point?’ – and within this look at whether the point is best for all – and in this I commit myself – to if the point is what is best for all – and I have the possibility to walk the point – to do it – and walk it unconditionally with no ego – instead understanding that I am contributing to what is best for all and within that need fairness, justice, or sameness is required

Day 249: Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes

girlinwoods-1080x675Many times when we meet people, we tend to be quick to judge. After a glance, a short conversation, or meeting, we believe that we know who someone is, and we treat him or her accordingly. The fascinating thing however, is that we rarely take time to really understand another person. Obviously, the guy that went out and robbed some old lady did not become a robber overnight – all of our decisions, and the characters we live on a daily basis are created through a process of time and space. We face certain points, difficulties, challenges, or realize aspects about life, and we make changes in our way of living. This is the process of creation all human beings go through, and that is most noticeable during the teenage years.

Now, why do I bring up this point? Because it is important to understand that I was not born lazy, I wasn’t born apathetic, this was pattern I came to create through a process of time and space. I faced certain points in my life; from there I evaluated the information and made decisions that were not effectively aligned to my physical reality. Thus to say that I was just one of those ‘spoiled’ kids that didn’t want to do anything with his life is a generalization, and a simplification, and doesn’t give justice to what actually happened, and is nowhere near laying all the facts on the table. In this blog, thus, I am going to deeper into the fundamental bricks that led me to create a character of laziness and apathy, and primarily focus on the external causes the lead to laziness and apathy, which most of the times origin in the parent-child relationship. Hence, this blog will be of assistance and support for parents and others that can’t understand why their child, or someone in their life, is lazy, and indifferent.

Lack of responsibility

A friend of mine once told me that: “When you create something, you must give it responsibility”. This is very true, because without responsibility, you cannot grow or expand as a human being – without responsibility none of your actions have consequence, and regardless of what you do, it doesn’t feel as if it is for real. This is a mistake that a tremendous amount of parents do – they are afraid of giving their children responsibility, and this in turn creates consequences, which happened to me when I was a child.

Now, giving responsibility does not imply trying to control your child to do what you want – it doesn’t imply that you must threaten your child to follow through on their commitments. Giving responsibility implies a process of education, where the child or teenager learns to see and understand the nature of consequence and how this is something we create through our actions and inactions. Most parents are not sufficiently trained to educate their children in how consequences are created, and due to this they will attempt to develop conscience and responsibility in their child utilizing manipulation, fear and rewards. Unfortunately, these methods does not direct the origin of the issue, which is that the child haven’t formed an ability to understand the role they play in their environment, and how their life affect the lives of others.

Thus, what I have found in my research into laziness, and apathy, is that one of the primary causes of this behavioral dysfunction, is lack of responsibility, or rather, a lack of understanding responsibility. In my case this was a pattern that developed due to how my parents saw me, and in turn treated me – and basically they never gave me any responsibility of my own. No matter what I did, in the end, I always did it for someone other than myself – and my motivation to do it was so that I would not get punished, or so I would get a reward – hence not because I actually understood what I was doing.

It is clear that I can’t blame my parents for this, because my parents were not shown this area of child education by their parents. In-fact most people do not grow up until they get children of their own. Only then they realize their responsibility towards their environment, and are basically forced to snap out of any tendency to slack or be lazy. Though this can all be avoided through making sure that we give responsibility to our children – which basically entails seeing and making them equal to ourselves – were we give them charge of a certain point and then assist and support them to walk through the point and in that grow, and realize their interconnectedness with other parts of life.

Affluence

If you take a look at the first world countries, and the teenagers in these countries, and compare them to teenagers living in developing countries, you will many times notice a fascinating difference. The youngsters growing up in a developing country are oftentimes more mature, self-independent, self-reliant, and strong – have a goal set in mind and are daily motivating themselves to create their goal. This is maturity that very few teenagers, and youngsters acquire in the more affluent first world countries – and the cause of this is: Our relationship to money.

Taking myself as an example, I grew up in a family where all I had to do was point at something, and eventually I would get it. There was no effort, no movement, no willpower required for me to get what I wanted, what I wanted just came to me. Obviously my parents had good intentions, though the consequence was that I formed a misaligned relationship to self-creation and the point of building a life for myself in this world. Deep within me I formed an idea that things would just come to me, that my major life decisions would just be made for me, that my life would just easily flow forward, and become what I wanted it to become, without any effort, willpower or drive on my side. Undeniably, this is not how things work in actuality.

Though, I am not saying that children must be deprived of money, and that they have to work for their money to understand what money is and what role it plays in relation to self-creation. What I am saying is that most parents neglect the important point of early on showing their child the effort that is required to create your own path in life in relation to career, education, and other survival points – and why it is important to create a life for yourself. Due to this, children grow up oblivious of the tough reality that awaits them when their time in school is over, and because they are so used to get everything they want to, they do not have the skill of self-disciplined movement that is required to create something extraordinary.

Hence, when the parent steps in too much, and doesn’t assist and support the child to develop their own understanding and relationship to creation, money, career, and movement in the system – a consequence that forms is laziness, apathy and indifference in the child. This is what happened to me, and many of my friends – we simply did not have clear understanding of what is required to create for ourselves a supportive and enjoyable lifestyle in this world.

Lack of freedom

Another important aspect of how laziness and apathy is created, which also, most often, stems from the parent-child relationship, is lack of freedom. This point couples closely with lack of responsibility, though it is slightly different. The freedom I look at here is the freedom to make decisions, the freedom to make the wrong decisions, the freedom to choose your life, and what to create with it. Obviously, here, I am not saying that its supportive to just stand by and watch while someone is clearly abusing or creating severe consequences for themselves – it is instead important to step in and assist and support through sharing insights, and realizations than trying to force a change in the child.

In my own life, I didn’t have much freedom of my own – the simple reason being that my parents wanted to control most dimensions of my life. In particular they wished to control my plans for the future, my way of interacting with the world, my morals, my values, and my thinking processes. The consequence of this was that I in my teenage years went through the usual state of rebellion, where I basically started to create many consequences for myself, just to show my parents that I indeed had my freedom – that I was in control. And one of the points that I used to portray this apparent freedom of mine, was to show to others how I didn’t care about anything – how I was totally free from the control of others – apathy and laziness was thus a way for me to reject the adult world and achieve my freedom of choice.

The problem here is obviously that trying to live freedom in this way is very consequential, and it’s not even real freedom – what I lived out was more an attempt to SHOW others that I was free. Though was I then free to begin with? When my starting point was to prove to others that I was free? So, what is missing in the parent-child relationship, and what must be created for the child to not feel that they have to rebel in order to feel free, is that the child must be given the freedom to create their own lives from an early age. This freedom must entail, the freedom of making mistakes, the freedom of being different, and the freedom of not being/thinking/living like the parents.

Summary

In this blog I have investigated and shared some of the external causes of laziness and apathy in people. These causes are primarily found in the parent-child relationship and basically have the same origin point: The child is not assisted and supported to develop and nurture their own individual expression. Laziness is on a deep level a protest, a way of saying that, it doesn’t matter what I do, because someone is going to step in and make me do differently anyway. This is obviously a misconception, because as adults WE DO have the power to create our lives – but our childhood reminiscences have more power than what we are aware of – and there are many that can remain for an entire lifetime in a character of laziness and apathy. It doesn’t have to be this way, and in this series of blogs I am eventually going to walk through the process of correction, that will assist and support anyone stuck in a laziness-character, to step out of laziness and into self-movement.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Why do parents fear the future of their children?

Why do parents fear the future of their children and what can be done to make the parents the foundation of a world that is best for all?

If I were a parent, looking at my child as he came of age, making he ready to explore the ‘grown up world’ – my main fear would be that of my child not being able to support himself financially in this world. I would also fear that my child were to emotionally break down or be dealt with some really tough cards in life – such as drug addictions, jail sentences, abusive relationships, or some life-altering accident. I would in essence fear that my child somehow, someway would fuck up and turn his life into hell.

Now, these fears are fascinating to look at from the perspective of the parent being the teacher and the programmer of the child. Because if a parent would have any of the above-described fears in relation to his child’s future, then this would mean the parent doesn’t trust the training given to the child. The parent knows that the child hasn’t been effectively prepared to take on and stand self-independent and self-directive in the world – but that there is a high risk that his/hers life will turn out a fuck-up. Many, many children, no, all children grow up to be adults that live fucked up lives – following their desires, likes, preferences, dislikes, fears and anxieties – walking a path of ensuring their own survival, which is a dangerous path that it’s easy to fall off.

Is then the reason as to why parents fear the future of their children? Let’s ask ourselves the following question to see if that is the case. If a parent knew that his child was effective, stable, unwavering in his application of living – would the parent then fear for the child’s future? I know that I wouldn’t, if I was a parent, because I would be certain that my child could deal with any situation arriving to be faced, take effective decisions based upon mathematics instead of a reactive and stimulated one’s, based upon fear or desire. My child would in-fact live in reality and be able to deal with reality. What would there be for me to fear?

Obviously I would probably still fear that my child was to have some kind of accident or unexpected sickness – as this would mean my child wouldn’t be able to support itself with money. So, all fears wouldn’t be removed through knowing that my child was an effective life participant. To remove these types of fear we would need to implement a system based upon equality with equal support and assistance given to everyone. Then survival would be re-assured no matter what and the parent would finally be able to let go of his worry as to his child’s future.

So, what can be done to have the parent develop and realize his ability to be an effective teacher and guide for his child? The answer is very simple. The parent must first become a teacher and guide for himself and remove the self-defeating patterns that hold the potential of destroying a cool life. These are the patterns that, if they are not removed, will be transferred to the child and as such be apart of his education.

Parents must thus become strong, self-independent, self-reliant, benevolent and humble human-beings, living not from the starting point of energy as thoughts, feelings and emotions – but instead from the starting point of mathematics, accumulating what is best for all in every breath, and as such showing their child a practical example of living perfection. Living perfection you won’t ever get into situations or experiences that doesn’t support you or those in your world – because you are not self-deluded anymore, but instead a physical being, taking decisions without blinds covering your eyes, an effective human being.

Thus – if you are a parent, or a child – it doesn’t matter – join Desteni I Process and start your journey towards perfection, wherein fear will disappear, as you will stand self-directive in your life, within the principle of what is best for all. This how we create and place a foundation in this world that will have the outflow of heaven on earth – join us!