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Day 404: Learning From Mistakes

Today I had a situation at home where I reacted in irritation/frustration because I felt sidestepped and disregarded – while at the same time slightly jealous because I experienced it as if someone else for a moment stole my moment in the limelight. While still in a reaction, I shared this with the other person, which then caused a reaction in the other as well. Afterwards I justified my reaction, and how I had spoken it out loud by saying that it was a ‘common sense’ point and that it ‘needed’ to be said. However – I can now see that my point was not really that important – and even if it had been important – I could have shared my perspective in a more calm and supportive way.

The reaction in itself had built for a couple of moments, starting from backchat, where the main point was that of thinking about how the actions of another caused ‘inefficiencies’ in my life – and from there triggering irritation – leading up to saying within myself that ‘I must bring this point up with the other person’. And then when I finally spoke about the point, it did not at all come out as coherent, understandable or common sense – because what took precedence was my reaction – I felt irritated and side-stepped. And that is something I find to be a tell-sign of when I am in a reaction – the point I am making is not grounded in the physical – and hence everything I try to tell and share will be equally unclear and muffled.

After the situation I started to experience guilt and shame because of how I had expressed myself. I did not like to look at myself in the mirror, and recognize what I had done – I initially wanted to believe/think that I had some form of valid reason behind my action. However, this is not the case, there was no valid reason behind it. The reason was that I had made up and used as a justification to allow me to live out and express the reaction.

So – what can I learn from this?

Firstly – and this cannot be said too many times – do not follow my own inner chatter – do not believe my own inner chatter – do not make decisions according to my own inner chatter – instead – BREATHE – because it is in BREATHING that there is stability and common sense. Inner backchat does not have any standing when it comes to giving me clear and grounded perspectives and suggestions as to how I should move and deal with my reality.

Secondly – to not take side-stepping personally – to not react personally when I feel that someone is taking my spot, doing my thing, taking charge of my position – it does not define who I am – and I do not require to protect myself. Neither do I need to fight to retain and keep my standing – because what am I really trying to protect? What am I really trying to defend? Is it not all an illusion in-fact? Best thus to remind myself that what goes on out there – it does not define my inner reality unless I accept and allow it. Hence there is no need to push to keep my reality set in a specific way in the belief that I will lose value and worth if it changes. In this reality, things go up and down, sometimes I am praised, other times I replaced, and in other instances I will be erased – however – it DOES NOT define who I am – that is the point to remember.

And then when it comes to actually supporting others in my environment and myself – to share common sense in stability and not make it personally because that shifts me into emotion instead of sticking with practical physical movement and change in the moment.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when I am not gaining confidence, when I am not placed in a position of leadership and importance, with regards to points that I feel I am the best equipped to handle – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my ability and opportunity to learn, to acquire new skills, to grow and move as a person in my life and with regards to what I do through failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional and feel the need to protect myself and my position, my stature and standing, believing that I can be toppled unless I fiercely and defiantly make sure to push away anyone coming close to taking me down – in this not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am paranoid, and that I am fighting against my own fears – and that there in-fact no reason for me to exist within this constant mode of fighting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to no care for the people in my life one and equal – to not consider them one and equal – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the presence of people in my life for granted – to see and treat them as props in ‘my life’ – not seeing, realizing and understanding how much I am able to learn from people in my life – and what relationships that I am able to developed if I push myself to be something more within myself – something more in the sense of actually being real, genuine and self-honest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being open and vulnerable – to fear investing myself in life and fully taking part in living life – fully taking part in getting to know people and letting them inside of myself in the sense of letting myself be receptive and open to new expressions, new insights, new information, new ways of doing things – and hence push myself to continuously expand and move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not really listen to or take people seriously – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not really be HERE – to not really be in reality – but continuously be somewhere else in my mind – where I believe there is more to be found – however not seeing, realizing and understanding, that in spending time in my mind – I am separating myself from reality, from what is here, from the physical, and hence not allowing myself to get to know and be close to – and interact with and learn from PHYSICAL reality as it is HERE

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a reaction fear towards other human beings, where I then want to enter a ‘isolation mode’ and push others away in order to feel more secure and safe within myself – I take a breath and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I cannot transcend and walk through this fear by running away from it – and fact is that the only way I will get better at people and social relationships – and learn how to make myself within them REAL and learn how to live empathy, and how to appreciate and truly care for others, is by placing myself in situations with people – and thus I commit myself to enter into the dragon – to walk into the midst and learn to stand through exposing myself to that which I find is difficult and that is outside of my zone of comfort until I am comfortable and able to direct the point


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Day 108: The System Is Not Personal

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and anxiety in relation to not being accepted and appreciated by a potential employer, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as anxiety, fear and inferiority in relation to making money in the system, and make the process of making money personal, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s not personal – that the process of making money is in-fact a common sense process of looking at the equation of the system and placing myself in a position wherein I will be effective, and within this it’s nothing more or less than what it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and anxiety in relation to being rejected and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take rejection personally, and believe that I am being personally pushed away when it is that I face a situation and moment of rejection, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that being rejected have nothing whatsoever to do with me personally, but is merely me facing the actuality of the system as the equation within which it functions – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn to master the equation as this system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear, anxiety and inferiority in relation to the point of being rejected, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the point of rejection, realizing that it’s not about me personally, that it’s just me facing a particular point in my world and reality, wherein the equation of this system didn’t so to speak, accept me as how I’ve programmed myself to exist, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this equation personally, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s nothing personal, it’s simply “what it is” – nothing more, and nothing less – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and simply walk the system without reacting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk the system without reacting, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the system personally, and believe that when I am rejected, or when I am found to not have the proper qualifications or personality to be accepted into a particular position in society, to think, perceive, and believe that this implies and means that there is something wrong, and bad about me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s completely not personal in anyway, and that it’s simply the system programming playing out as it’s been designed to play out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take rejection personally, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that there is nothing personal about being rejected, and that it’s simply a point of the programming of the system playing itself out – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand stable in the face of rejection, and realize that the solution is to re-align myself, and not to go into and as reaction in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that placing myself in the system, in regards to money, is nothing personal, it’s not about me – it’s about money – it’s about business – it’s about survival – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, and see, realize and understand that the solution is to remain stable – and to walk the consequence that is here as this current system and within this stop taking things personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the system is a numbers game, that placing myself in the system, that creating a particular situation of cool money influx, it’s a matter of programming, it’s a matter of repetition, it’s a in-fact a numbers game, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and walk this numbers game effectively and without taking it personally, and without reacting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize, that I am now entering the system of making money, and this particular system is in essence based upon sales, wherein the point that matters is to sell oneself so that the system buys oneself, and thus gives access to money – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice this point of selling, and becoming effective in sales, and becoming effective in making money, and becoming effective in handling and walking with money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that when I am rejected by the system, it simply shows me that some re-alignments must be walked, and that it’s nothing personal about me – but that it’s a matter of programming

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a state of fear, anxiety and nervousness that I am not going to become accepted by the system, that I am not going to say the rights things, that I am not going to act the correct way, that I am not going to behaving in such a way as I should behave, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this point of interacting in the system in regards to job, labor, and making money, personally – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that it’s not personal, it’s not about me, it’s in-fact only about money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear and state of anxiousness that I am not going to be accepted, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crave and desire acceptance, to feel, and experience that I need and must have acceptance, and that without this acceptance I am lost, and worthless – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how meaningless it in-fact is to be accepted, because it doesn’t mean anything what-so-ever, except that I get a positive feeling in my mind of feeling good; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care and become possessed and obsessed with this point of being accepted by others instead of accepting and allowing myself to remain here within and as breath, with and as my human physical body

Self-commitments

When and as I see, and notice that I go into fear and anxiety in relation to the point of not being accepted, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that being accepted by another doesn’t imply real and actual value, it’s not something I require and need to be stable, and to be comfortable with myself, it’s something I’ve made myself believe that I need to function and exist properly; thus I commit myself to stand unconditionally here – and when I see this pattern emerge – I breathe and stabilize myself into and as my human physical body HERE

When and as I see that I am taking it personally, that I am being rejected, or not accepted by a particular person or organization in the system, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it’s nothing personal, it’s not about me, it’s about money, it’s about business – and thus I commit myself to stop reacting to the system and realize that it’s merely it’s design that I am facing – and that this design is based upon various ideas and beliefs, and greed – and accordingly will only accept people into it’s design that align with these values

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Day 66: From Personal To Physical Living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personally, and to believe that everything that occurs in my world is a personal attack against me, and that accordingly my world is against me, and that what I must do to survive in this world is to spend every minute of my time to fight against this world, believing that if I was to stop fighting, I would become overrun, and completely destroyed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that other human beings are in essence out to get me, and that thus the common sense is to make sure that I have my defense system set up at all times, wherein I utilize such points as fear, anxiety, and emotions, to guide myself in my world, and to avoid situations that I perceive to be threatening, and to avoid, and push away people that I perceive to be threatening, and that I perceive can harm my survival in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lock myself into a state of taking things personally, wherein I will blame my world as having harmed me, and having insulted, and personally diminished me, and that I am thus allowed to blame, I am allowed to go into a state of victimization because apparently what others do to me, and how I feel about it, it’s others responsibility and thus I am simply allowed to relax back into a state of blame, and a state of shoving my experiences unto others, thinking that it’s others fault and not my own

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how ineffective I become in my direction, and movement in reality when I take things personally, and how when I take things personally, everything becomes about me, it becomes about my feelings, my thoughts, my ideas, my perceptions, and that I within this completely forget the point of realizing that I am a equal participant in this world, and that nothing in this world just happens by itself, and that nothing in this world is a coincidence, and that only within standing in this point of responsibility am I in-fact able to have a impact in this world, and I am able to change, and direct points that come up – because I don’t take it personally, I stand stable here, and I direct the point within and as objectivity as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, and believe that I gain something by taking things personally, and use taking things personally as a sort of introverted punishment, wherein I try to make others feel guilty, and feel bad about themselves, because apparently they harmed me greatly, and thus I am now allowed to look at others as the bad guys, and have others feel responsible for how I experience myself, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this is limiting me, and how there is really no need to take anything personal – I mean to be a personality, a point in this world subjected to individuality as “my world” – that is simply limitation because it implies I must fight for my survival; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with life principle here – standing as what is best for all – not as a individual but as all as one as equal here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that for me to be effective, and have a impact in this world, I must let go of the point of taking things personally in everyway possible, because one of the points I am going to face extensively in this world in walking out of limitation, is rejection, is anger, is frustration, and it’s the mind demons of others; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to not take things personally, but to realize that what another experience is not about me – and even if it’s about me – the point of making the information emotional is simply ridiculous and serves no purpose; because the most effective way to change is simply to SEE and then DIRECT here in oneness and equality in one breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it’s my decision to take things personally, and that taking things personally is not a creation of nature, it’s not a natural point that must exist within me so to speak, I mean it’s a point that I’ve created through looking at how my parents look at, and perceive themselves in relation to the world, wherein I’ve believed that taking it personally is a normal, and acceptable human trait, and that I should hold unto this point, and continue living the way my parents have lived; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this is not a effective starting point from which to live, and that I require to change this point within myself – and accordingly not live from within and as a starting point of wanting to be my parents, but realizing that my parents information has been flawed and that I must re-design myself according to common sense as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that taking things personally is a program, a mind creation that exists as thoughts, experiences, emotions and feelings – and that in the physical as living here, there is no concept such as taking things personally, as there is simply HERE – and when a point arise HERE the point is simply directed – and there is no experience, there is no thought, there is no emotions, there is no feeling – and that is the difference between direct physical living, and mind living; the mind creates lot’s of unnecessary shit and the physical DIRECTS immediately here – equal and one

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how I am not benefiting anything in holding unto taking things personally, and that all I am doing is that I am preventing myself from standing as a example in my reality, wherein I direct myself to live, and make decisions that are best for all, and wherein I am not held back, or hindered, or stupefied be and through the mind as emotions, thoughts, and feelings; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize the superiority of the human physical body – and see, realize, and understand that the physical body directs points HERE and that there is no bullshit within it – it’s simply directing the point here and then getting it done with – clearing the point – clearing the ineffectiveness – and then moving unto the next point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defend, and hold unto the point of taking things personally, believing that it’s some type of protection towards others, and that I am within holding unto things personally apparently making sure that I can’t be fucked with, because I make sure that I am sensitive, and that I am really alert as to when someone apparently “attack me” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the limitation in this starting point, and to realize that I am not protecting myself towards anything – I mean I am only secluding myself in my mind trying to avoid facing myself through blaming others, and justifying this through thinking that it’s necessary while it’s in-fact not at all necessary and that taking it personally only serves to make me more ineffective in my daily application and living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tense, and uncomfortable, and nervous when and as I perceive that someone is angry at me, and go into a state of defense, and protection, wherein I take the perceived anger of another personally, and I go into a state of lock-down – wherein I blame the other person for my lock-down, and for my experience of discomfort and feeling tense; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I require, and need to hold unto this state of tenseness, and that I have not choice, I have no freedom to make a decision that I should experience myself otherwise; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am able to change my experience myself through in the moment breathing out the tenseness, and the discomfort – and to bring myself back here – to equalize myself here as breath as the physical – and to state who and what I am – to state how I live; and to practice living stability through breathing as stability here within and as each and every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I experience discomfort within me, or when and as I experience myself as being tense, to have a reoccurring pattern within me of blame, wherein I immediately state that: “the reason must be someone else!” – “someone else is doing this to me!” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the obvious common sense, that I am alone in my mind, that I am alone in my physical body, and thus what I experience within and as me is always a creation of and as the mind as the points in me that I’ve not directed one and equal here; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop blaming others, and to take full responsibility for myself, and too realize that what goes on within me is my responsibility, is my point to direct and walk

When and as I see that I take something personally, and I go into a state of discomfort, and tenseness, and I blame others, as being the reason for my experience, and I hold unto my experience as a way of protecting myself; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that: I am responsible for what occurs within me, and that nobody but me is able to direct this point to a completeness, and that I can blame, and point fingers all my life, but change will only occur when I decide to live self-responsibility; as such I commit myself to stop blaming, to stop pointing fingers, and to stop looking at others as being the fault, the mistake, and the point of wrong; and I bring myself back here and realize that it’s all about me – and as such I am the solution – and I must correct myself

When and as I see that I am taking things personally and that I look at things occurring in my world as being a personal attack against me, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize, and understand that nothing is personal, because I mean, everything is here as the physical, thus there is really no personal point, it’s instead a physical point, and in the physical all points are simply directed HERE with no experience, with no point of personal interpretation; as such I commit myself to face, and direct points HERE as breath with no experience and no point of personal interpretation – but to face what is here as breath within oneness and equality as here

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