Tag Archives: playful

Day 378: The Art of NOT Teasing

Teasing, something that I have grown up, and that has been a part of my family dynamics since as far back as I can remember. Unfortunately, teasing, all though at certain times it is something that can be enjoyable for both the giver and receiver, is too many times done inappropriately – at least – this has been the case with me. And I have begun to question WHO I AM within teasing and consequences of this way of expressing myself when I do it  without considering or being receptive to the responses of another.

Let me first properly define teasing, so we all know what I am talking about. These are some of the relevant dictionary definitions of the word.

  • To make fun of (someone) playfully or taunt annoyingly.
  • To say in a playful or mocking way.

Teasing becomes problematic when it is done from within and as a starting point of self-interest, then instead of being a playful moment of interaction, it becomes about enticing (manipulating) a certain response in the other person. This way of teasing tends to elicits positive feelings and experiences in the giver, a inner experience of satisfaction and pleasure, triggered by successfully being able to push the buttons of another. At that point it stops being innocent and mutually enjoyable, and instead, it becomes a matter of one individual using another for his or hers own personal gratification – and this is not acceptable.

Thus, there are two forms of teasing, the one, done from within and as a egocentric starting point where others are used as entertainment, and the other form of teasing, is done in playfulness, consideration, and respect for another. The latter form of teasing is about two or more mutually enjoying a moment of play and interaction – there is EQUALITY – something that does not exist in the former way of teasing, because there it becomes abusive and about fulfilling the needs of but one of the participants.

In my own life, I have noticed that I tend to start with a playful/supportive teasing, where both I and the other enjoy the moment. That in turn makes me even more playful and excited, and it is when I start to experience, place my focus on and live out these energies that I lose touch with REALITY and the other person. I will so to speak, take it too far – and then – without noticing or seeing how it happened – the recipient will be upset/angry/irritable – and that playful/enjoyable interaction will be lost. It is thus easy to see, that the problem and mistake that I make, is that my focus is internalized and directed towards how I experience myself energetically, and I do not keep my attention directed towards my physical reality and the interaction itself. Because, if I would have been perceptive to the other person, I would never have missed how they initially reacted/responded to my words. And the moment that I noticed, I could have made the decision to not take it any further, but to stop and ground myself – and speak/interact in a way that is mutually supportive.

Teasing, it resembles the word taser, and a taser has the specific function of transferring a massive load of energy and elicit a destructive response in the receiver – and that is very much like the destructive form of teasing – eliciting a response in another without regard or concern. Being a tease, is to lead someone on sexually, and then leave them unsatisfied, also that very much like the destructive form of teasing – where we elicit reactions in another to make us feel good – without consideration for another. Thus – it is clear that teasing is a supportive and enjoyable expression – however – it must be done in EQUALITY – it must be done from a starting point of mutual enjoyment/consideration/support/concern – if not – then it is abusive – and it will create a lot of consequences – unnecessary fights and conflicts being one of them.

Teasing, as with most other forms expressions, is not bad in itself – it is all about WHO WE ARE within it. If we are HERE, present, and together with the other person – teasing can be an awesome, enjoyable, and fun way to interact – however if we are not HERE with the other person – teasing will be a ego-driven activity which will create a lot of consequences in your relationship with another.

The SOLUTION for me: When teasing, make sure that I am here, present and together with the other person, and that I am considering, regarding and treating them as an equal.


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Day 274: Getting Out Into The System

office-partyIn my process of birthing myself as life from the physical I have had the tendency of isolating myself from the rest of the world. I have always thoroughly enjoyed my own company, and the process of writing, and applying self-forgiveness, and designing self-corrective statements have never been any hurdles to me. Hence, if given the choice of for example going to some type of festivity or being at home with myself – without exceptions I have opted for the latter. This has its pros and cons. The pro is that I have developed a deep and intimate relationship with myself, because I have spent so much time investigating myself. The con is that because I do not get out very often, I have not had the feedback/stimuli of the system in my daily living to measure where I am in my process and where I still need to put down more time and effort to change.

So, yesterday I was part of a festive occasion. Many people, alcohol, food, and all of those things we tend to associate with festivities was present. Now, the one thing I noticed about myself at this festivity was that I was not comfortable in speaking and interacting to others when it came to these ‘social’ and supposedly ‘fun’ and ‘witty’ conversations. I am not sure whether you, the reader, can relate, but what I am trying to describe is those interactions were the two participants are ‘supposed’ to be in a light, playful, and witty mode, and have some form bantering. On the television we can find this type of witty banter in for example talk shows.

However, I am not comfortable with these witty banters, and actually, I am not very comfortable with the entire scenario of ‘forced socialization’ that occurs at parties. I tend to become anxious, nervous, and held back in my expression – and as far as I can see – the reason for this is because I do not trust myself. Instead of me allowing myself to be me, I am trying to be someone/something that I believe is fitting to occasion of a ‘festivity’ – for example: A funny and enjoyable person.

It was very interesting to observe my reactions towards others at this party. And in particular this experience within me that I did not feel as if I was ‘funny enough’ or ‘social enough’ or ‘into the atmosphere’ enough. And when I spoke to people, a recurring thought within me was: ‘Wow, they must probably think that I am boring to be around’. This shows my current relationship with festivities and social interactions – I believe that I must be something – that I must play a part and that I am not enough by myself. Because if I would have been relaxed, and at ease with myself – ACCEPTING MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY – there would not have been any nervousness or anxiety. Instead I would have walked into the environment, clear on who I am and where I am standing, clear on the point that I define who I am.

What I see as a solution to this experience of me holding myself back, becoming stiff, and stale around others, is for me to practice self-acceptance – and self-acceptance in this instance would be for me to remain with breath and accept and allow my genuine natural expression to come through. Thus, not try to emulate anything more or less – not try to hide parts of myself, or reinforce others, not try to make a show – instead breathing – being relaxed in my body – and interacting naturally – and within this being at peace with the fact that others might not define/see me as funny or enjoyable to be with. But – why should I accept and allow that to bother me? If I am accepting myself, if I am fulfilling myself, if I am standing with myself, there nothing amiss regardless of how my environment responds.

The solution hence: SELF-ACCEPTANCE – SELF-LOVE – and LIVING these words through bringing myself back myself here when I am approaching a social situation – making sure that I stand stable within myself and that my starting point is here – with and as my human physical body – that I feel my breath – that I feel the tips of my toes – that I feel the tips of my fingers – that I make sure my back is straight and that I am not slouching – that I am physically HERE in the way I present my physical body – Living the statement that – THIS IS WHO I AM – I AM HERE.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to emulate an expression of being enjoyable, or fun to be with, when speaking with others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to fit in, and be normal, and express myself as others would expect me to, when it comes to witty bantering, and being part of social circumstances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to emulate an expression of me being normal and fitting in – and thus within this tighten myself – go into a experience of pressure and strictness/control within myself – where I try to read the situation and put forth a face that I hope others will accept – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am not accepting and allowing myself to be stable within – and live self-acceptance – live self-love – and bring through that point into reality through not accepting and allowing myself to try to be as I think that others want me to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to be like I believe others want me to be – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being myself in fear that others are not going to accept me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted by others – believing that if others do not accept me this will put my survival at risk in this world – and this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate my survival to others accepting me – instead of understanding that survival and me directing this point is not so much about acceptance from others – as it is about me standing disciplined and committed in relation to the points in my world that are the source of income for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted by others – believing that others acceptance of me is vital for my survival – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise and suppress my genuine natural self-expression to be accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel worthless, and filled with emotions of sadness, and disgust, when I believe that someone is not accepting me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value these emotions and believe that they are signifying something real – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that emotions are merely energy – that I have built up through participating in a polarity of feeling/emotion – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead bring myself back to and as my human physical body – and push myself to have that be my starting point of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change myself around others to fit in – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted my natural genuine self-expression – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there is something wrong with the way I am naturally – and believe that I am not sufficiently expressive and warm with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change myself around others in fear of being rejected – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define rejection within and as emotional experiences – instead of understanding that rejection is simply a physical pushing away – and does not mean that I am less than – or worthless – or that I require to judge myself in someway or another – hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself and believe that I am not right the way I am naturally and in my genuine self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is appropriate and normal to change myself around others and to have several faces towards the world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my shape shifting personality through thinking that the way I am naturally will never be accepted – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is not about being accepted – but about me accepting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not about being accepted by others – but that it is about me accepting and recognizing myself – me allowing my genuine and real expression to come through – me trusting myself and not accepting and allowing myself to loose balance and touch with myself when I visit festivities and when I am out in the system moving around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others in system – and believe that I need/should be like them – and have the same personal relationships – the same type of social interaction – and be similar to others – and think that there is something wrong with me when I am not living/participating as others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is not necessarily something wrong with me – that it could instead be – simply that I am not the same as others – that I do not work in the same way – that I do not function in the same way – and thus that my express and living is not the same as what others expression/living is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tense up when interacting with others in the form of witty bantering – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am tensing up – because I do not know how to be – how to behave – what to express – what to show around another to ‘fit in’ – and this is the problem – that I am trying to ‘fit in’ – instead of me accepting and allowing myself to be natural and genuine – to be myself and not try to be something more than myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I do not have to be this social machine of perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation within me that I should be able to fit in with people – that I should be able to create a funny, comfortable social situation – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not necessarily so all the time – that sometimes I might not have anything in common with another – and thus there is nothing to talk about really – and – that is completely okay – I do not have to force points – I do not have to force a social comfortableness – it is okay that things are at times systematic and not in anyway personal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to force a social feeling of belonging to my work environment – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my work to become more than my work – to want my relationships with colleagues to be more than practical and systematic relationships – and believe that there is something bad with designing and planning my relationships to be systematic and practical – and within this I see, realize and understand that there is no such problem – that sometimes a relationship can only come to its fullest potential when the relationship is practical and systematic – and there is no personal shit involved – it is all about the context of that particular relationship – where in the context of work – the fullest potential of a relationship would be to as effectively as possible complete the work with the utmost quality possible

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a pressure and state of anxiety, and strictness within myself, when communicating or interacting with people in my world, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back to my body here, and I see, realize and understand that I am in this moment trying to force myself into a particular expression/picture – and that I am not accepting and allowing myself to be genuine, natural and real – and to express myself comfortably within my body – and thus I commit myself to take a deep breath in – to relax my muscles – relax my body – to let go – and to accept and allow myself to respond naturally and genuinely I that moment – not trying to force or emulate – but simply sharing myself here

When and as I see myself go into a physical state of being tense, when communicating and speaking with another, or being in some social gathering, or festivity, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am in this moment not accepting and allowing myself to naturally flow in my expression, but that I am trying to be something that I am not, I am trying to show myself as something that I am not, I am trying to be a person, and something or others, to be accepted – and thus I commit myself to relax my muscles – to place my attention and focus on my breath and breathe myself back into my physical body – and state within myself that – I accept myself – I love myself – I accept and allow myself to stand and move in this moment – being genuine and real

Day 232: Being Super-Serious About Life

Being Super-Serious about life – isn’t that something we tend to become, as we grow older? At least I can see that this has happened to me in many ways, though primarily with regards to survival, future, career and money – and thus – in this blog I’m going to open up the mindset/character of approaching opportunities, life, and self-creation in the world-system from within a state of being serious.

The definition of the word serious is:

1 demanding or characterized by careful consideration or application

2 acting or speaking sincerely and in earnest, rather than in a joking or half-hearted manner

3 significant or worrying because of possible danger or risk; not slight or negligible

Interestingly enough a synonym for serious is grave (which has a secondary definition of being a burial ground) – and sounding the word serious, what comes through is SEAR-I-US – and the word sear means to burn, or scorch the surface of something with a sudden and intense heat. Thus, from my perspective, and the way I’ve lived the word serious, is through being overly cautious, and anxious about the future, economic prospects and career decisions – I’ve seldom made a decision for my future without being strategic and with long-term goals in my mind – knowing already when I start out what kind and type of results that I want to achieve.

b108344124fdc0532173cb2a2e763be75930828dHence, I’ve lived the word serious as a form of coping mechanism to deal with an underlying anticipation – that in any moment – at any time – something really bad might happen, and unless I spend each and every second preparing myself for that, making sure that my future is meticulously planned out – then it will occur – and I will stand in the midst of the shit not knowing how to direct myself.

Within the way I’ve lived seriousness, I do see that there are some cool, and practical dimensions – it’s obviously common sense to be well-prepared, have foresight and be strategic about decisions – though at some point this application can go overboard, and when it does, the consequence that comes through is stagnation. Because when making a decision to step out into the world, to create, to bring through a change in someway or another, there is always that point of uncertainty, that point of insecurity, which is completely natural since we do exist in a world that in it’s very essence is unpredictable, uncertain, and changeable.

Thus, because the world is not able to be fully predicted, at some point planning becomes an excuse to not take action – and that happens when we avoid moving ourselves with the opportunities that open up, because we experience a sense of fear in not being able to have complete control, and direction over what might open up. Hence, in order to live the word seriousness in a balanced way, two other words must be considered, and those are adventure, and playfulness.

When we don’t know what might come of a decision we’ve made, we’re in-fact walking into the unknown, now instead of remaining in seriousness, here is where we’re able to apply adventure and playfulness – seeing, realizing and understanding that facing and learning something new can be an adventure, something exciting, and fun – something that paves the way for self-expansion and self-movement. Within approaching something new, there is room for playfulness, because when something is new, untried, and untouched, there is opportunity for experimentation, room for finding the best way, room for challenges, and seeing what can be done. Thus, here seriousness isn’t needed – now when the plan is set up, and all points that can be considered have been considered, it’s time to move into the plan and create it – and to do that effectively we require to be responsive, flexible and playful = go on an adventure.

So, we should ask ourselves when something new comes into our world, who should I be in relation to this point? Fearful, uncertain, doubtful, or see it as an adventure, embrace and walk into the unknown – and allow ourselves to enjoy the process of discovery that takes place each time we move ourselves into uncharted territory. Obviously, embracing and walking into a change with a sense of adventure and discovery is the most rewarding – because it allows for expansion and development – expressions that can’t come through if we continuously hold back our own momentum with a skeptical seriousness.

Thus – it’s time to let go of our adult-mindset and allow the child within to come through and explore – because without the process of discovering – we’ll never discover what’s actually possible.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approach life, opportunities, challenges, and decisions that I’ve made, within playfulness and a sense of adventure – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a state of seriousness, and attempt to approach all things, aspects, and dimensions of my life within being serious, and trying to have each and every little detail planned out beforehand, not seeing, realizing and understanding that this isn’t how things actually work – that I can’t have everything planned out – because in this world thins will emerge unpredictably – and instead of fearing this – it’s far more effective to walk into it with excitement and joy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in the adult mindset of seriousness, looking at life from within and as survival, and approaching opportunities, and new aspects of life from within and as a starting point of skepticism, and apparent realism – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I approach life from this perspective, I’m in-fact severely limiting and holding myself back, placing this label over my life, with rules, regulations, and limitations, not realizing that life, and self-creation could be totally different – if I instead accept and allow myself to walk into the future, to walk into self-creation, from within and as a starting point of playfulness and with a sense of adventure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach my future, and decisions that I’ve made, that I’ve planned out, and carefully constructed, from within and as a starting point of adventure, and playfulness – to see, realize and understand that I’ve now lain the ground-work through research and preparation, and that now it’s time for me to step out and walk my plan into action, and that is a process that can’t be fully predicted, it must be walked from moment to moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not challenge myself to walk from moment to moment, and realize, that when I do have the backdrop of a plan, when I do have a outline defined for myself, there is really no need to be serious, and overly cautious about the future – because the fact is that I can deal with such points as they arise – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to walk into my future – and into my life – and into what is to come – and within that apply playfulness and looking at the unfolding of my creation as a adventure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overly cautious with regards to creating my future in terms of career, job, money, employment, and similar points – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand to what extent that I’m limiting myself when I look at those aspects in my life from this very stiffened, and graven starting point – viewing them as burdens that have to be fulfilled – instead of seeing the potentials that exist – widening my view – looking up from this experience into the physical world that is here – and pushing myself to work with what is here – to apply myself within what is here before – to utilize what is here in my life bring myself and my life forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that as a child, I did have that innocent and unconditional approach towards life, where things wasn’t just a burden to be fulfilled, but it was an adventure to be experienced, to be created, and to be lived – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take that stance in relation to my life again, to see, realize and understand that regardless of what point I’m walking into – that there is this potential of walking into it with a sense of joy, adventure, and playfulness – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is in-fact the solution for me to be able to do – create – and form a life form myself that I would truly enjoy and find rewarding, challenging, and demanding – which is what I desire and want to have out of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution of creating a life for myself that really challenges me, and where I expand – is to move through the experience of uncertainty and resistance towards new things, towards new opportunities, new points of creation, new worlds, and words to open up – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the gift of pushing through these fears, and putting myself out there to experience life – as well as experience myself and my potential and ability to create and bring my vision into life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that life isn’t going to wait for me to feel prepared – and rather life is here and it’s a decision that I’ve to make to walk into it and really take up the challenge of creating myself in this lifetime – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make that decision – to not put myself out there – to challenge myself – and place me into the zones and positions where I don’t feel particularly comfortable – because I see, realize and understand that it is in those positions and stances that I will expand – grow – and develop within and as myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am holding back from moving and directing myself, taking action and living my plans and decisions, because I feel a sense of anticipation, and I can’t really predict what is going to happen, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that there is a time for planning, yet then there is a time for action, and walking out into the system, and creating myself, and this is where I’m at now – I require to breathe and walk out into the world system and create myself and my life – do that which I see is necessary to be done

When and as I see that I am holding myself back in anticipation, expecting the worst, and trying to solve this by planning every single minute detail – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I’m limiting myself, and that by pushing through this anticipation, and expectation of the worst, and actually placing myself out there, moving myself – I will expand and grow – because I’m going to face new challenges – new dimensions of life which will require me to be on my toes and question myself – and develop an effective character for dealing with the point; thus I commit myself to actively push myself through anticipation, and it’s cousins postponement, and stagnation, through putting myself out there – through working with the resources that I’ve at my disposal and not accepting and allowing myself to wait for everything to be perfect before I begin