I realized that these reactions were not really about my boss or my work, but revealed a more ingrained and deeper pattern/way of being that I had not yet explored – the tendency of mine to base WHO I AM on authorities. It is not the first time that I have given up the reigns of my life and handed them over to someone else, because I believed them to be more capable than me. It has happened with friends, family, colleagues and in other forms of social groups – I believe that someone is above me and then I give them complete power over me.
The relevant question to ask is why I do this, and also, what solutions are there that I am able to apply that will assist and support me to change this point.
The first question, why I do this, has a straightforward answer; it is because I do not trust or see myself as sufficiently valuable to stand as this point. I believe that I am not sufficient as a person to walk and decide upon my own way life – where I want to go – and what I want to do with myself – and that I need a plastic daddy at every corner.
The second question, what solutions there are for this point, here I see the following: Instead of doing things for me, or for a purpose/vision that I have created within self-awareness, I do things for my boss, to be appreciated, seen or recognized – the solution must hence be to create directive principle in relation to these parts of my life – and clearly place WHO I AM and WHY I AM doing what I am doing – and then to motivate myself utilizing my own self-created purpose/vision/direction. Hence – the word that must be redefined and lived is AUTHORITY.
Because it is clear that in order to live a fulfilling and expansive life, I must stand as the author-of-me. The direction of my life, who I am within it, why I do what I do, those are aspects of my life that I must decide upon. It cannot be left up to chance and hope – and it most definitely is not effective to hand-over my direction to someone I believe to be more capable than myself. That never works.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value, whether I am successful or not, whether I am doing a good job or not, on whether I achieve acceptance from my superiors
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my own acceptance/validation/satisfaction as not good enough, not sufficient, and it does not count when I am satisfied with something, because I require someone else, of a higher stature and position to tell me, that I am doing good, that I am needed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent upon someone else for me to go to my work and be motivated within what I am doing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change and alter – to become a different person when I am received differently
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a certain type and form of reception for me to be stable and to effectively walk my work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a certain type of reception, and to be accommodated before I invest myself, before I commit, before I move
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my superiors when I feel that I am not receiving enough recognition for the way that I am approaching and move to partake in work – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work for ME – to not apply myself in work for ME – to not stand with me and assess myself and ask whether I am satisfied – whether I am content – and thus not make it dependent upon anyone else to give me recognition/approval
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will always place a limit on how far I am able to go – if I make myself dependent on someone else to recognize and approve me – that I will then wait – hold myself back – fear moving myself to my utmost ability – and push myself as far as I am able to go – because I am not certain as to whether I will receive a response from a superior – and thus fear that I will not get the recognition in turn
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only commit myself in relation to something when I believe/feel/see it as likely that I will get something in return – such as appreciation/recognition from my boss – instead of doing something for and as myself – and thus for example – pursue work in such a way that I do it for me – that I challenge myself – that I push myself – that I commit myself to refine and further my skills in relation to work and that I do not do it to get someone’s liking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inflate myself with positive critique and motivate myself using positive words from others – not seeing, realizing and understand that I will through relying on positive critique, positive words, a positive response from others, set myself up for failure – because I will undoubtedly face the negative side – where I do not get positive critique, where I am ignored or reprimanded in some way – and thus I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see the importance of remaining stable – steadfast – the same yesterday, today and tomorrow – having a clear and solid principle that I utilize to move myself forward with – not making it more or less than what it is
When and as I see myself pumping myself up using positive critique, or encouragement from my superiors, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that in order to remain stable and steadfast at my work – in order to be consistent and move myself steadily forward – I cannot accept and allow myself to base my application on what people say or do not say about me – if I get positive or negative critique – rather such points can only ever be allowed to be points of cross-reference that I use in my movement-process – that I walk for and as myself; thus I commit myself to breathe through these positive experiences – to ground myself into and as my human physical body – and see the information as a cross-reference – to then assess it for and as myself – and see whether I am satisfied or there is something that I am able to improve – to thus be and stand as my own point of movement
I commit myself to be my own point of movement at work – by – assessing myself, my professional skills and development, to be honest with myself, and also, to push myself to excel, because I see that I am able to live and apply more – I am able to expand and move myself further – and because it is a natural things for me to expand and move myself further
When I receive negative criticism, or someone ignore me, give attention to another, or does not like what I have produced – and I become sad/demotivated/depressed – I stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself by accepting and allowing my inner self to be dependent on how others see me – that I limit my movement, my commitment, my drive, my motivation upon whether someone receives me the way I want it or not – hence – not seeing that my work is an extension of ME – and that it is thus not relevant what anyone else thinks or sees about me; thus I commit myself to BREATHE and to ground myself here and continue to move myself – in stability – forward – in my process of expansion and movement – to embrace the steady movement of myself – where I do not accept and allow the highs and lows of life to impact and affect me
Learn more about this way of living:
- 7 Year Journey To Life Process: People Sharing their Processes of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction
- Desteni Articles
- Desteni I Process
- Agreement/Redefining Relationship Course
- Desteni Forum : Discuss and share with us
- Desteni Wiki
- Desteni Español
- School of ultimate Living: Online community where people who are interested in discovering and developing their utmost potential
- Creation’s Journey to Life
- Heaven’s Journey To Life