Tag Archives: position

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Day 372: Changing The Dynamics of Work

Today I had an interesting experience coming up in relation to work – yet again it was the point of money and superiority rearing its head within me. This time the context was simplistically put as follows: Someone received positive recognition from the boss and it was not me – and it was surprising to see what kind of experiences that came up within me. In particular, I found it interesting to see how deeply I was moved, and what type of backchat that entered into my mind – such as for example: ‘I will not continue to do this work because I do not receive the recognition I deserve’ – ‘Have I done something wrong? Am I not doing my work properly?’.

I realized that these reactions were not really about my boss or my work, but revealed a more ingrained and deeper pattern/way of being that I had not yet explored – the tendency of mine to base WHO I AM on authorities. It is not the first time that I have given up the reigns of my life and handed them over to someone else, because I believed them to be more capable than me. It has happened with friends, family, colleagues and in other forms of social groups – I believe that someone is above me and then I give them complete power over me.

The relevant question to ask is why I do this, and also, what solutions are there that I am able to apply that will assist and support me to change this point.

The first question, why I do this, has a straightforward answer; it is because I do not trust or see myself as sufficiently valuable to stand as this point. I believe that I am not sufficient as a person to walk and decide upon my own way life – where I want to go – and what I want to do with myself – and that I need a plastic daddy at every corner.

The second question, what solutions there are for this point, here I see the following: Instead of doing things for me, or for a purpose/vision that I have created within self-awareness, I do things for my boss, to be appreciated, seen or recognized – the solution must hence be to create directive principle in relation to these parts of my life – and clearly place WHO I AM and WHY I AM doing what I am doing – and then to motivate myself utilizing my own self-created purpose/vision/direction. Hence – the word that must be redefined and lived is AUTHORITY.

Because it is clear that in order to live a fulfilling and expansive life, I must stand as the author-of-me. The direction of my life, who I am within it, why I do what I do, those are aspects of my life that I must decide upon. It cannot be left up to chance and hope – and it most definitely is not effective to hand-over my direction to someone I believe to be more capable than myself. That never works.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value, whether I am successful or not, whether I am doing a good job or not, on whether I achieve acceptance from my superiors

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my own acceptance/validation/satisfaction as not good enough, not sufficient, and it does not count when I am satisfied with something, because I require someone else, of a higher stature and position to tell me, that I am doing good, that I am needed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent upon someone else for me to go to my work and be motivated within what I am doing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change and alter – to become a different person when I am received differently

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a certain type and form of reception for me to be stable and to effectively walk my work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a certain type of reception, and to be accommodated before I invest myself, before I commit, before I move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my superiors when I feel that I am not receiving enough recognition for the way that I am approaching and move to partake in work – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work for ME – to not apply myself in work for ME – to not stand with me and assess myself and ask whether I am satisfied – whether I am content – and thus not make it dependent upon anyone else to give me recognition/approval

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will always place a limit on how far I am able to go – if I make myself dependent on someone else to recognize and approve me – that I will then wait – hold myself back – fear moving myself to my utmost ability – and push myself as far as I am able to go – because I am not certain as to whether I will receive a response from a superior – and thus fear that I will not get the recognition in turn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only commit myself in relation to something when I believe/feel/see it as likely that I will get something in return – such as appreciation/recognition from my boss – instead of doing something for and as myself – and thus for example – pursue work in such a way that I do it for me – that I challenge myself – that I push myself – that I commit myself to refine and further my skills in relation to work and that I do not do it to get someone’s liking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inflate myself with positive critique and motivate myself using positive words from others – not seeing, realizing and understand that I will through relying on positive critique, positive words, a positive response from others, set myself up for failure – because I will undoubtedly face the negative side – where I do not get positive critique, where I am ignored or reprimanded in some way – and thus I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see the importance of remaining stable – steadfast – the same yesterday, today and tomorrow – having a clear and solid principle that I utilize to move myself forward with – not making it more or less than what it is

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself pumping myself up using positive critique, or encouragement from my superiors, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that in order to remain stable and steadfast at my work – in order to be consistent and move myself steadily forward – I cannot accept and allow myself to base my application on what people say or do not say about me – if I get positive or negative critique – rather such points can only ever be allowed to be points of cross-reference that I use in my movement-process – that I walk for and as myself; thus I commit myself to breathe through these positive experiences – to ground myself into and as my human physical body – and see the information as a cross-reference – to then assess it for and as myself – and see whether I am satisfied or there is something that I am able to improve – to thus be and stand as my own point of movement

I commit myself to be my own point of movement at work – by – assessing myself, my professional skills and development, to be honest with myself, and also, to push myself to excel, because I see that I am able to live and apply more – I am able to expand and move myself further – and because it is a natural things for me to expand and move myself further

When I receive negative criticism, or someone ignore me, give attention to another, or does not like what I have produced – and I become sad/demotivated/depressed – I stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself by accepting and allowing my inner self to be dependent on how others see me – that I limit my movement, my commitment, my drive, my motivation upon whether someone receives me the way I want it or not – hence – not seeing that my work is an extension of ME – and that it is thus not relevant what anyone else thinks or sees about me; thus I commit myself to BREATHE and to ground myself here and continue to move myself – in stability – forward – in my process of expansion and movement – to embrace the steady movement of myself – where I do not accept and allow the highs and lows of life to impact and affect me



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Day 370: Equal Regardless of Position

I have recently begun walking through a pattern of fear/inferiority/anxiety in relation to superiors at work. It is an interesting point to look deeper into, because it reveals many parts of how I have set up my mind to function in relation to money, status and position. I have come to realize that it is not really about my superiors at all, it is not about the work at all, the entire pattern is showing me something about myself, and how I have dis-empowered myself, and placed the power to live/express in relation to money, the system, career, into some very narrow and specific physical manifestations.

On a superficial level, the pattern tends to play out as follows: My superior will come around, I will experience anxiety and fear, and become held back and less expressive – and I will over-analyze most things my superior say and many times come to the conclusion that what he or she has said has been some form of insult or hidden critique towards me. That will add fuel to the fire so to speak and increase my experience of paranoia.

Where is this fear coming from? What I have been able to see is that I have placed a lot of value and power into my superiors – I believe that they have the power and initiative to give or withhold my access to money, my ability to create my life and my ability to survive – basically that I need them to stand beside me – and to be there for me for my life to work. I have as such projected my own power and authority to make decisions and move myself in my life unto my superiors – which is a serious limitation.

It is not only a limitation, it is also irrational. Because fact is that I do not need my superiors to like me, to stand beside me, to want me as part of their organization, for me to be effective in this world system – for me to be effective with money – for me to be effective within establishing a career for myself. Sure, if I have an effective relationship with my superior it might make things easier, however it will not determine anything, because the determining factor is ALWAYS myself.

I made it through my university education primarily because of myself, the decisions I made and followed through upon, my determination, my consistency, that was what allowed me to pass my exams and get my current job – and thus – I created my own opportunities. It was not my superiors, and the same goes with my current job – I am the one making sure that I continue to develop, expand and move within the settings of my current job – I am the one pushing myself to go further – nobody else. And thus, I see, realize and understand, that the point I must embrace is that I am responsible for my own life and there really is no other authority but myself. I am the author of my life and nobody else.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project power, authority, control and direction unto my superior – and thus believe that I need my superiors liking in order to make something out of myself, to remain stable in my life, to remain consistent in my life and be able to create an effective relationship with money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own power and authority unto the money system, unto my superior, unto my education, unto my teachers, unto my grades and marks, and believe that it is they/them that control my future and how my life will play out – and that I thus must make sure to please and satisfy all of these various characters – thinking that if I do not do that – it will have severe repercussions – and I will not be able to do anything what-so-ever with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and recognize my own value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for someone else to give me a sense of value, and to stand as my point of power and authority – instead me taking on and standing as these points myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life and everything in it will work out when I am accepted by my superior, when things are going smoothly at my job, when I am seemingly accepted by the current system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I approach life from within and as that assumptive starting point – I am creating consequences for myself – because I am not actively living, directing and moving my life in the direction within which I see that it would best if it moves into – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution is that I take charge and responsibility for all parts of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear authority and feel inferior to authority and want to serve authorities so that I can save myself from a bad outcome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority and to believe that I am not capable of doing that – and that I need someone else to stand that point for me – that I need someone stronger and more apt to be my authority – thinking, perceiving and believing that I am not able to do it for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not valuable enough to stand as an authority in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not strong enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the right to be an authority – that I need someones permission to take up and stand in the role of being an authority in my own life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority in my own life – in fear that I am going to be attacked, harmed, and excommunicated – that I am going to be forced to leave this world and life behind – because other authorities sees me as infringing on their power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe and secure when I am able to have someone else be an authority in my life – because then I can have them make decisions for me – them take responsibility for me – them be the person that I blame if things do not go as I would like them to go – and hence I see, realize and understand, that this is a limitation – and not in the image and likeness of my full potential

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear and inferiority towards my superiors, I stop myself, take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this fear that comes up within me it is limiting me from interacting with my superior one and equal, in a comfortable and easy-going manner – and that in turn limits me from expanding my relationships – and here I see, realize and understand, that the real problem I have is not about my superiors, it is about me and my relationship with myself, where I have come to define myself and my value according to position, stature and money, instead of me trusting myself HERE within and as my human physical body to live grounded and simple – equal with all others physical expressions – thus I commit myself to remind myself that I am the directive principle of my life with regards to career, money and work – and that these are points that I take full responsibility for and do not push over unto my superior – and I commit myself to breathe and ground myself back into my body – into my point of equality – and then practice interacting with my superior as I would with anyone else – as an equal


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Day 364: Developing Self-Reliance

The most recurring experience as of late has been fear – mostly fear of survival. I have been working diligently with the point and made some notable progress, there is however still a lot to be walked. One aspect of the fear that I have yet to transcend is that of fearing authorities and superiors that in some way have power to effect my ability to survive. Because they are able to influence, for example, my access to money, the fear seems to be justified and reasonable when it arise. Obviously, I am aware that this is not the case, though the fact that this experience exists within me does reveal an interesting point; that there exist a hope/desire to be taken care of and supported by authorities.

If a negative experience exists, which in this case is fear, then a positive experience will exist as well, and in this case that positive experience is security and feeling backed. Hence, for me, authorities have become a means of substantiating my own lack of self-reliance.

Apart from forgiving the fear, the solution I see is to develop self-reliance. For example, that could be done through pushing myself to take active responsibility for my work and career – and not in anyway accept and allow myself to rely upon my employer to secure my influx of money – but to make sure that I am a effective, that my skills are superior, that I am professional and able to offer a service that is needed. Thus I take charge of my own self-creation, planning and access to money, and remove the variable, of needing my employer to stand behind me as a point of security.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely upon my superiors and authorities to handle my life for me – and to blame them when things does not go the way I want – and to feel good and love them when things do go the way that I want – instead of placing reliance back where it belongs – with myself – and thus making sure that I do live in such a way where I direct my life – I create my life – and where it is not about relying on someone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being abandoned and judged by my superiors in fear of loosing my access to money and security, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to when I am able to please my superiors, to feel secure, safe and well cared for – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within a polarity in relation to my superiors, and the system, where I on the one hand love it, and on the other, fear it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is to stand equal and one with and as the system, with and as my superiors, to understand that in order to be stable within me, I require to take full responsibility for myself, my future, and my direction, and my actions at work, and to make sure that I am walking and creating my life in such a way that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to handle my own survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the system to deal with and secure my survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not strong enough, or developed enough, or ready yet to take responsibility for my survival – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for a parent and someone to care for me in the system – to seek for someone to be there for me and show me the way – instead of me taking full responsibility for myself and the direction of and as my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define myself as inferior to the system, inferior to my employer, inferior to survival, and thus believe that I cannot rely on myself, but that I need the system to stand beside me and support me – to be there as a father figure for me because I am not able to do it by myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear developing a real and sound reliance within myself – where I do not assume that things will work out and be alright – but where I take the appropriate actions to ensure that I move myself in a direction that is best for me and others in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system, my superiors, when things do not work out in relation to my survival, when I make mistakes, and fear arise, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I have created the pattern within me, that I have made the decisions and that it has nothing to do with the system, my superiors, my employers – in-fact it is a pattern I have developed where I fear taking active responsibility for myself – and I place my reliance out there into something else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to care for me, to support me, to be there for me, and to make my life secure and easy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to make my life comfortable, to give my life direction, to move my life in the ‘right’ direction, to secure my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that money is in-fact a dead object – that it is not something that can save me and my future – that is something only I can do for myself – and thus fact is that money is a tool – something that I can use that support myself – however that support will only ever be as effective as I am within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to ensure my future, to rely on money to walk my process, to rely on money to take care of me, to rely on money to make things work for me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this belief that money will take care of everything – it is just that – a belief – and fact is that real security, real safety, real direction and care will only ever arise from my own decision and movement to stand as and live those words actively within and as my life

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into either a fear or desire towards money, within the context of the belief that money can care for me, money will solve all problems, money will support me, money will ensure security and safety, I take a breath, I stop myself, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this is an illusion that I have created for myself – that in-fact money is only as effective as I am within myself – and that if I am not clear – stable and directive – then money will not support me – and thus I commit myself to take back directive principle – to take charge of myself and my life and actively move myself to care for myself, to solve problems, to support me and to develop security and stability in my life – as who I am – and more concretely – I commit myself to do that through continuously pursuing to make the best of my life – to look for and act on opportunities when they do arise – to push my writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and my in the moment correction – to develop a stability that stands through the difficult times

When and as I see myself going into either a positive or a negative experience in relation to an event to concerns my superior, as either feeling safe, secure and cared for, or feeling that my survival is threatened, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this polarity within me indicates that I have not yet developed self-reliance and self-standing within me – in particular in relation to survival and money – and that I still want someone to care for me – and thus I commit myself to stop – to breathe and bring me back here – and instead – in the moment – look at how I am able to improve, expand, develop myself and move – how I can learn from mistakes to become more efficient in survival and moving myself in my reality – and what I can further strengthen and improve that already works – to thus take active charge of my self-development and utilize my failures and successes to guide me forward and to improve myself

 


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Day 341: Hierarchies and Money

Deeply embedded in the human conscious we find some strange ideas about life. One of these is the belief that earning a lot of money equals that we are valuable and important as a person. Money, and having a job, throughout the ages this has been the determining factor as to where in society we will be positioned/valued. If we are poor and have a job of no significance or importance, we will be considered as less valuable, and if the opposite is true, we will be an example for humanity to follow.

This brainwashing that we accepted and allowed has some pretty serious consequences. First off, we have a far to lenient approach to with regards to respect for property, and the right for each one of us to pursue our happiness. The fact is that we have a many that are too rich, and that horde, causing widespread poverty, because their money had to come from somewhere. And we cannot blame these rich, apparently successful people, because we have created them, and secretly, we all hope for the same thing, to hit the jackpot and that we will make some serious money. That is why we continue placing our respect in money, instead of respecting ourselves, and determining our value on the basis of how we live.

The interesting thing is that we have created a completely dysfunctional society, mostly because we are too busy creating our own lives, protecting and building our lives and utilizing money to do that, while not caring sufficiently about each-other – and instead of coming together to build a flowing society where all are cared for, we create enormous structures of control. Though the solution is not control, the solution is not more work, more education, the solution is that we as humanity come together, and look beyond our own personal interests – and see what we are able to create that is best for all.

This pattern of only looking at ourselves, it recurs again and again. A while ago I read an interesting article about coral bleaching. In the article it was discussed how massive coral bleaching had now reached the great barrier reef, and for those that do not know, coral bleaching is bad stuff for corals. What was interesting to note was that the Australian authorities had been aware of coral bleaching since the eighties, though because it had not reached the great barrier reef, no one had really taken note of the danger. Instead the Australian authorities had seen coral bleaching as someone else’s problem, simply because it was not there at the moment. And then, a couple of years later it happened, and now it was too late. And during all this time, the solution had been known, to decrease emissions of fossil fuels on a global level.

The insight here is that in a world that is connected in a multitude of ways, there is no such thing as someone else’s problem. When we have issues with the usage of fossil fuels creating inconsistent weather patterns, then we cannot think that only because those weather patterns are not yet threatening the piece of land we live on, that it is okay to continue a practice that is clearly creating consequences. Because any consequence in this world will directly or indirectly impact us. And this is one of the great things about globalization; we are now able to see with a lot more clarity how our actions ripple throughout the world – and how in a global economy – it is not possible to protect one’s own country from global instability.

Another striking example of we how we tend to only care for and consider ourselves is the refugee situation. Particularly in Sweden this is an interesting topic to explore. Because it is public knowledge that number one reason for people becoming displaced is war. And interestingly enough, Sweden has a big and prosperous arms industry, and it is ranked the third largest arms exporter per capita after Israel and Russia. In Sweden we have a lot of refugees and it has become a big problem. Thus we are now starting to see the consequences of our arms industry, as the victims of war is trying to create a safe life for themselves – and this consequence is now not only out there in some foreign country – no – it is right here at our porch.

Back to the issue of people being rich and poor. What I want to point out here is that when we accept and allow this extreme separation in society, between those that have made it, and those that have not, we are creating consequences, not only for those that are poor, but also for those that are rich. Poverty is a breeding ground for crime, diseases, lack of education, drug abuse, etc. If we want to have a life and society that is efficient and works for everyone, without unnecessary consequences, the acceptance of the rich and poor must be erased, and replaced with a motivation to care for all equally. It is not possible to control consequences, they will slip through the cracks, as is the case with the refugees. Consequences must be prevented at their roots, the original issue must be directed, else we will end up going in circles.

And why do we still hold unto this archaic and dysfunctional model of society? Why have we not changed? Because we do, secretly or overtly, want to hold unto to our current societal set-up, where we have a chance of becoming successful, earning a lot of money, and apparently becoming someone that is important. We still want to win and be rewarded for it. However, it is possible to compete and become successful even though such expressions and processes are not linked to property, money, and wealth. Optimally, competition and success should be used as bait, and motivation, for us to become better as people – so that we are able to realize our full potential in this life and share that with others.

The solution I see is the follow: We stop seeing money as the determining factor for value and worth, and instead make sure that money is a tool, something we utilize to practically create our lives, but where it is has no deeper importance or meaning – it is just money. And also to stop our fears when it comes to money, to as such make sure that we stop accepting and allowing ourselves to horde money, saving it ‘for a rainy day’ or to have ‘more money’. We have to earth our relationship with money and make it PRACTICAL.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value money more than people – and believe that it is money that makes the man

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify and hold unto the idea that a rich person is better than a poor person – and strive to achieve wealth so that I can feel better than others – not seeing, realizing and understanding that money is simply a practical point – something that we require to survive – however not something that defines our character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold unto a society where we are allowed to pursue our happiness regardless of the consequences it creates in the lives of others – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, how I am in-fact, creating unconsciously, a system that is not best for all, a system of hierarchies, because I want to feel like a winner, and for winner to exist we must also have losers

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can become better buy having more money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am winning buy having more money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am better than others when I have more money than them – or a better education

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel more important than others because I have a education that could potentially allow me to earn a lot of money – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to this belief that money makes the man – and that it is through getting more money that I can prove myself in this world system – and show that I am of equal value in comparison with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others when it comes to money and earning potential – and feel inferior to those that earn more than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others when it comes to money and earning potential – and feel superior to those that earn less than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a system of valuing people and things according to their monetary value – instead of seeing all that is here as equals – all made of the same matter and coming from the same source

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a inner system of evaluation where money is the most important factor

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire and want to have a system of competition where the participants is evaluated according to money – so that I have chance of winning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am creating long-term consequences by accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to competition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how my inner relationship with money, is connected to what is happening in the world system – and is connected to how points are currently functioning and operating on a bigger scale – where there is a huge competition in relation to money – and no common sense – where it is seen as justified and okay for one person to own as much money as an entire country – and where poverty, malnutrition, and all other consequences of not having money is then apparently okay

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an inner money system where it is seen as justified and acceptable to have a system of competition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify competition within me as good – because apparently it brings out the best in people – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it in-fact does not bring out the best in people – but rather brings out the most shit in people – where we will do anything and everything to survive and win – and those any integrity and self-respect will go out the window

Self-commitment statements

When and as I become possessed with positive, or negative feelings in relation to money, where I compare myself to others, and see myself as either superior, or inferior, depending on whether I have more or less money than them, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand how this way of viewing and defining myself limits me, and that it creates consequences on a global level, because I am part in, and participating in a system of competition, where one of the consequences is poverty, thus I commit myself to stop – and to value me and others according to what we do to bring through a world that is best for all – according to our purpose and reason for existing in this world – as to what we give to this world as a whole

I commit myself to develop value as myself through giving to this world – living a life of purpose where I am giving of myself to create a better reality and world for everyone – and where I am thus practically living the word value – and not only relating value to an attempt to acquire and earn more money to feel better than others


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Day 190: Remember The Context!

Recently I’ve had several occasions when I’ve gone into a state of paranoia and fear due to perceiving and believing that someone dislikes me – and this is usually triggered by for example: Someone looking at me with a stern face, or me asking something that is not answered, or someone not paying attention to me in the way I perceive to be correct.

What happened yesterday was that I in class stretched my hand up in the hopes of my teacher picking me to answer one of his questions – though that didn’t happen and instead someone else got the honor of answering. The first place that my mind went to was that there was something wrong with me, that I’d done or said something wrong, that the teacher thought I was stupid, or that I’d somehow offended him, and this was his revenge. Obviously – the fascinating point here is that all of the above ideas are inferred from the one premise that ‘It’s about ME!’ – it’s PERSONAL.

Though, I can’t possibly be sure precisely why my teacher didn’t pick me to answer his question, and even though his reason was that he didn’t like me, why should I accept and allow that to have an affect on my presence and expression in school? I mean – I am not in school to get positive feedback from teachers – I am there to learn and educate myself in various subjects – and the more effectively I’m able to fulfill that purpose the better.

This is also an interesting aspect of taking things personal – that when we take things personal we become forgetful of the purpose or context of an event or moment. An example would be work – and the interaction with colleagues – because what I’ve noticed with myself is that suddenly the social life of the workplace starts taking precedence over the work I produce – and how others are towards me and how I personally experience myself comes into the foreground – not seeing that the context or purpose of being in employment is to effectively direct and move a particular point to completion (production).

Thus – the social life should obviously be in the backseat – and be there more as something that is done at breaks or when a project has been finished – but not be the main point that defines my entire experience and movement in a particular employment.

The same with school – the same with listening to my teacher – I am not there to be liked or establish social circles – I am there to learn – and I should rather establish my network and relate to the teachers from this perspective – looking at what will enhance and quantify my learning and comprehension of the material – it’s from that starting point I should move.

What I am able to see is that I require working and going deeper into this aspect of giving value to social life – and what others think of me – realizing that when I do this – I compromise the actual purpose of why I’ve placed myself in a particular point or position.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when my teacher doesn’t assign me to answer his questions – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my educational environment personal – to make it about me personally – to make it about me wanting and desiring to have friends and to be liked by others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain within the actual purpose and context of placing myself in that particular position – which is to educate myself and learn – and not to be liked – not to win – not to gain favor from the teacher

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize myself within and as the purpose and context of why I’ve placed myself in a particular point – and realizing that when I am at work – I am there to produce an effective and precise product – and I am not there to gain friends or to be liked – the same with my teacher – that I am there to learn from him and acquire a particular understanding and comprehension of a subject – not to be liked and to feel favored by him – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personally – and make things personal – instead of remaining objective and aligned within and as the context of the moment and the purpose of my position

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional and make things personal in school – and at work – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone is ignoring me – or not paying attention to me the way I want them to – as being enthusiastic and enjoying me – to then take it personally and react – and think that they are being mean to me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately go into and as a troubleshoot mode – wherein I am trying to locate what is wrong with me – what is at fault with me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s not about me personally and that what another do or doesn’t do – is not reflecting that there is something wrong or bad with me that I must immediately correct

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being flawed and inferior in my expression – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone seems to dislike me – and ignore me – or not pay attention to me as I want to – to then believe that there is something wrong with me that I must immediately attend to and direct and make better – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make myself better so that others are going to like me – so that I can feel more at ease and comfortable with myself – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am able to give that point to myself – of accepting and allowing myself to like and love myself – and be at ease and comfortable with myself – without necessarily needing anyone to like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I push to get attention from another – and then I am seemingly being ignored – to immediately go into thoughts and backchat of thinking that there is something wrong with me – and wonder what mistake that I’ve made in order to make someone dislike me this much – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it doesn’t even have to be about me – and that when I go into this troubleshoot mode – I am working with assumptions and ideas – and not the actual practical physical reality that is here – and thus I commit myself to stop such troubleshooting mind pattern – and see that it’s in-fact a form of self-judgment

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a state of taking it personally, believing that someone dislikes me, or doesn’t want me in their world – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I don’t need or require anyone to like me, appreciate me, or feel pleasured by me, I instead require stable and sound relationships so that I can walk through my days effectively and handle my responsibilities – and thus what is important is that I direct my responsibilities and my life – that I commit myself to my studies – my work – and my other points of responsibility – and that I align and direct myself from this starting point; and thus I commit myself to stop taking things personally – and instead look at the context of the moment and the purpose of my position in that moment – and align myself to go in that direction and thus not make my relationships with other emotional – but rather practical and supporting what I’ve set out to do and create in life

And God Created… Science

And god created science, and the university, the learned man and the stupid man – why?

Why didn’t god give everyone as they came here to this planet the same knowledge? All the knowledge required to live an effective life? Why did he make certain people smarter than other people? Calling them professors, wise and learned – while the rest are apparently doomed to stupidity, and to learn from those more wise that’s apparently holding the secrets of life?

Why did god create inequality? Couldn’t god see in his all-knowingness, in his wisdom and omnipotence – that if he created inequality – he would create jealousy, competition, self-importance, EGO and narcissism as well? Couldn’t god see that he created those that would feel inferior and pushed away by the education system, at the same time as he created those that felt, and was embraced and supported by the education system, due to their effective grades?

Why did god create a education system where people are pitted against each other, graded and compared in their ability to learn knowledge, to then be valued according to this ability as apparently ‘who they are’. I mean, why didn’t god consider all worthy of acceptance and love? Why only those few that managed to learn the knowledge of our education system verbatim, and then spit it out in perfect syntax and with perfect grammar – it simply doesn’t make sense what so ever.

The reason I pick this topic to write about is because I am currently studying a summer course at my university in regards to economical history – how our various laws and policies have been passed; who’s been the major influences and who hasn’t and why. And the thing that strikes me as I read – is how completely meaningless this knowledge is. And the meaninglessness of the knowledge is truly revealed when on one page there is one professor stating one thing, and then on the next page there is a new professor stating the opposite but on the very same subject!

I mean, when something like that happens, it’s time to seriously consider if the theories and knowledge we produce at our universities is truly real, and can actually be considered ‘truth’ – or if it’s just bullshit made up to make money. I mean, these professors got to research about something, and they got to make a name for themselves in someway – they must have money. So, obviously they will have to come up with something, some cool story, when they write their books.

Obviously, looking at education from a common sense perspective, we see that there can only be one fucking truth. The reason being = there is only one fucking reality. If you have several truths in the same reality, this means something has been missed, and reality hasn’t yet been discovered, or that some of the truth-claimers are missing reality.

I mean, in observing reality, two researchers should come to the exact same findings, if they don’t, this means that they haven’t in-fact observed reality, but only their own made up mind-bullshit. Or maybe they’ve simply made something up that sound cool – I mean, or maybe they’ve thrown a dice when they selected which theory they should push.

I am so fucking tired of theories, I am so fucking tired of science, got damnit – in this search for truth we miss the truth that is here – simplicity. All our science in the world hasn’t yet produced a solution for starvation, that implies that our science is severely limited and really of no use what so ever. Let’s face it – our science is only entertainment, it’s something we do because we think we’re smart, and we find out new stuff, that apparently no one has found out before, so we can apparently discover ‘the secret’ and then feel all mysterious, in awe and good about ourselves.

My god – there is no secret!

I also thought for a long time that I had to find myself, or I had to find the truth that is somehow hidden just in-front of my eyes, until I realized that there is nothing hidden in front of my eyes, what I see is what is here; there is nothing more to figure out – reality is based upon cause and effect and that’s how simple it is – as such there is only one single truth, and that truth is able to be seen by everyone, and without any effort or struggle. One simply removes the mind-bullshit as one’s own private reality, as thoughts, feeling and emotions – and suddenly the real reality become visible, as this physical actual reality that is right here.

And I mean – why should I go around attempting to find myself? And find truth? I am here – I breathe and I am here – that’s it – I am found! And as to the truth, the truth is here, as this world, and the solutions that can in-fact make it a better world is right in front of our eye’s and very simple; yet we don’t see them! Because we don’t want to! Because if we decide to in fact see what is here, and what the solutions are to solve the crisis that is here, we would see that it entails giving up our mind, as our separate reality, and in-fact living in a way that’s best for all, and we simply won’t do that – yet.

So, while our scientists waste their time inventing theories, further separating themselves from the real reality, and I have to sit and read this shit, apparently ‘broadening my perspective’ and ‘learning something’ – the world spirals into a complete fucking mess. And still there is no solution to starvation, because that would in-fact require some practical changes to take place, considering all life that is here and not only ourselves; and so for that has not been our strong side. We’ve much more liked to invent cool theories and entertain ourselves, while continuing to live out our day-to-day destructive behavior, waiting for god to take us to heaven, so that we can live for eternity.

My god – everything in this world is so fucked up and twisted.

But I mean, the buck stops with me, I am going to stop my mind as my own scientist in my head, as my own research, existing in a separate reality, lost in my thoughts, in a little bubble between my ears. I’ve decided to come back to reality – this one reality that we all share – and in-fact support myself and everyone else in this reality to have a cool life, and see the actual truth that is here, and as such enable myself to apply a real and actual solution; finally giving up my self-interest and desire for myself to live a cool life, while everyone else is disregarded.

Yeah – I am coming back to reality, if you was to tag along then visit www.desteni.co.za, and sing up in the desteni I process – the course of reality exploration.

Until next time!