Tag Archives: positive

Day 198: Towards The Future!

Towards the future! A tendency that I’ve noticed when I consider plans for my future is that there will be definitive experience of ‘right and wrong’ – meaning: There will be an idea of what is correct and what is incorrect – there will be a path of what I want to choose and walk down – and there will be a path that I don’t want to choose – and that I don’t want to walk down. The problem comes in with regards to how I’ve designed these paths – because they’re based upon desires and fears – they’re mostly not very practical – and because there is such a definitive ‘right and wrong’ to them – this causes conflict within me.

So, let’s bring this into context: Next year I’m going to be done with my law-studies and before I go into the court to do my two years of traineeship, there will be a brief respite, some time that I require to fill with an activity of some form – and here I’ve established that studying another course will be an effective point to pursue.

Then comes the Decision – and this is in regards to what course I should pick – and here I’ve looked at either studying economics or psychology – and this seemingly small and insignificant decision has become like that annoying sand grain stuck between the sole of my feet and my shoes – and seemingly it’s a unsolvable puzzle. And the reason as to why it feels like an unsolvable puzzle and maze of various possibilities and opportunities is because at the bottom of the considerations lies fear and anxiety – and this fear and anxiety is in relation to future and in particular – making the wrong decision.

When looking closer at this point of making the wrong decision, it’s clear that the wrong decision in essence implies placing myself in a position in the world system that is not effective, placing myself in a position wherein I afterwards realize that – this is not where I want to be! And in that process as well realizing that – I shouldn’t have chosen to study this course, I should’ve chosen the other course!

Here it’s fascinating to see the nature of my considerations – that it’s based on this very limited idea of absoluteness – that this decision that I make to study a single course the next year will somehow determine the ENTERITY of my life – and be the very quintessence of my coming existence – that point that will form and shape everything that is to come afterwards – and that I will in making this decision set a precedence for myself that will flow out into my future and either make me sublime or a lowly failure.

Obviously – this is not how physical reality works, and actually – I’ve got my life to show for it. I mean, how many skills haven’t I developed over the span of my life? How many various courses and lectures haven’t I participated within? Yet, it’s unequivocal that these past choices have not had any significant impact on what I am doing currently with my life – it’s rather as such that what I am doing and studying at the moment is completely unexpected and not what I’d believed that I would do as I grew up.

Thus, what I see I must work with, and establish as a certainty within me, is that life is a moment, it’s not black and white, but rather a greyish mishmash of various colorations, and that very seldom anything is set in stone – most times there are opportunities and possibilities to digress and go into another direction, make a new choice, pursue a new challenge – and thus – this fear that I will create a future that is either unambiguously positive, or categorically negative is in-fact an illusion – and probably my future will be rather mundane and normal – I will find a job, do some more courses, and then move on – because that’s how life works. Though what I’ll always have with me is MYSELF – and that is something I can create to stand eternally – steadfast – stable – regardless of how my future turns out.

The point to realize is that – the future can’t be predicted – yet I can walk myself into the future in stability – and stand as that point in my life and in that – be present, capable and able to create a life for myself – moment by moment – that is effective and that is something I’d like to experience – thus what I am able to see is that whether I pick one course or the other – it’s really of no impact – because what will determine my future is MYSELF and what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept and allow in each and every moment of breath.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at my future in black and white – and absolutes – wherein I will see this decision that is before me as the ultimate test – as what will determine the rest of my life and if I make the wrong decision – there is nothing – and absolutely nothing that I am able to do to correct and align the point – and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is a delusional way of looking at my future – and how obviously – this is now how the physical functions and operates – because the physical functions according to what I live and move as in each and every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the future and my life is a constant process of creation – and a constant point that I am establishing – building – and refining in every moment of breath – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the future as only beingout there’ – as only having significance and importance somewhere there in the future – and that the decision I will make in regards to one course, one event, and one point will determine everything – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is a false supposition – and how this is not how life and this reality works

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the fear I have of not making the right decision, of not placing myself in the correct position, of not establishing myself where I should be, that this is not a valid fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this decision that is before me is simply something that I’ll have decide upon and then walk – and that it will not determine the rest of my existence and all and everything of myself from that point onwards

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give this irrational value to education and studying – in believing that education and studying is what will further me in my lifetime – is what will create my life for me – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the primary point of creation, the primary point that will determine who I am and what my life will become, is who I am in each and every moment of breath – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stick to the courage of facing and walking each moment unconditionally – realizing that here is the point of power – and HERE is the point of creation – it’s not somewhere out there in the future – it’s HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the idea I’m carrying within me, that somehow a decision of what course I am to study in the future, will determine everything of myself, is false – and not in alignment with reality – the physical – and in this world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize myself – make a decision – and then move myself to walk the point – and not make anything more of it than that – making a decision to study something – because I see that it makes sense – and then stopping any fear that comes up within me that it’s the wrong decision – that it’s not right – and that I will create massive consequences for myself due to having walked this particular decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that regardless of what course I choose – I am going to face the future – and what will have the most impact in me facing and directing the future is not the course I’ve studied – but rather WHO I AM – and HOW I STAND – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make this my priority – to realize that the WHO I AM will determine my life and my future – my ability to stand – to direct and move myself in moments and to not accept and allow the mind the step in and create myself and my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the fear and anxiety immediately as it arise within me – not give it any power what-so-ever – and instead focus and give attention to my creation process of myself here in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my future will not manifest itself as either a picture perfect future where everything is fantastic – and it will not manifest itself as a hellish and awful future where everything is bad – rather my future will probably be normal – and much like my life is currently – wherein it’s simple dealing with and walking through my day-to-day responsibilities – wherein there is nothing more significant and special than that – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of this angst and fear of what might happen when I make a particular decision – and instead – simply make the decision and push myself to move ahead with my life – and not anymore remain in this state of inferiority and lack

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the emotional state I am creating within myself due to participating in this inner conflict is in-fact what is going to have consequences for myself in the future, and is a decision that I make in this moment, to make my future less effective – because in participating in such emotions I am going to manifest physical consequences and symptoms – suck as a disease or sickness – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and simply give up upon this anxiety – simply make a decision that I see makes sense – and then stick with it – not drag it up again and again – and realize that regardless of what might come – I will make the best of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that regardless of what might come in my future – I will make the best of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that regardless of whether I make the wrong decision – I will make the best out of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I will direct my life regardless of what I’m facing – and that I will not give up upon myself – but that I will find and establish solutions

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I go into conflict about my future – because I have a decision that I am uncertain of – I stop – I breathe – and I do not accept and allow myself to in anyway think about this decision – because I realize that this fuels underlying fears and anxieties – and thus I commit myself to let the point go until I can sit down and map out the decision – then I commit myself to make a decision and stick with it – and not bring up any what-ifs – because I realize that this is unnecessary and doesn’t have any constructive outflows

I commit myself to regardless of whether I make the wrong decision – to make the best out of my life – to make the best out of myself – to not give up – but to always strive and work towards establishing solutions

I commit myself to never give up upon myself regardless of what my future will bring – and regardless of the challenges I will be faced with – and I commit myself to develop the courage to face and walk my life in the moment – and not use fear or anxiety to drive myself forward

I commit myself to stick with the decision that I’ve made – to not think about it anymore – but to walk the point that I’ve already laid out for myself – to keep it simple – and only change and re-direct the points if I see that it’s relevant and necessary – not because a fear or anxiety arise within me – that is not practical but only a illusion and experience of and as the mind

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Day 157: Its something wrong with me isn’t it?

Some days ago I listened an Eqafe interview about a man that died unexpectedly, yet very calmly and without any pain or discomfort. The point that hit home with me as I was listening to this Death Process Research was how this person throughout his life was in comparison to others, grounded into his physical body, and because of that experienced a relatively stable life – and he explained how this resulted in many human beings living more in their mind resisted him and approached him within a sense of inner conflict.

What this brought up within me was the point that when I see that someone in my world resists me, or have an emotional experience within themselves as they communicate or speak with me, that it’s not about ME necessarily, and that it’s not that I must change something about myself to soothe the situation, but that this particular moment can have many dimensions to it that I am not yet aware of – thus: My current approach, is that first look into myself to see if there is something that I am doing wrong, and I ask myself, why doesn’t this person like me? Why does this person become emotional around me? Is there something I am doing wrong? Is there something I should change about me? Why can’t everyone be as comfortable around me as they seem to be around person A?

Though, approaching a human-being that experience resistance, or a conflict within themselves, within these questions that I listed above, that is NOT effective, and it’s in-fact a form of insecurity and lack of self-confidence, because naturally, living self-confidence would imply that I would be stable, and the same regardless of what experience another human being approach me within and as.

Thus, I see that I require to practice this point further, to not attempt and try, and make it a goal within myself to assure that people like me, and to instead place my attention and focus on WHO I AM and what I accept and allow within and as me, and as such make certain within me that I am clear in every moment, and that I know WHO I AM, and that I know that the words I speak are what is best for all – because when that points stands – there is really nothing I am able to do to get another to like me, and there is really no point in getting another to like me if that implies me suppressing and compromising myself to fit in and present myself in a way that I hope will trigger within and as a another certain positive feelings of like and appreciation – it’s better that I instead use my time and my moments to approach people that I am more aligned with and that do not experience it as a drag to spend time with me. I mean, it’s fascinating to see how I’ve throughout my life, like a moth towards the light, been drawn to people that haven’t really aligned with me and my expression – and that I’ve due to that fought my way into friendship groups, and circles of trust – just to be accepted; While really – there has been people in my world that I’ve naturally aligned with, that have accepted me as who I am, and where I’ve been welcome – yet – those persons I’ve most of the time shut out as not being worthwhile and valuable enough to pursue a relationship with = which is ineffective.

The solution is obviously to align myself with people that I enjoy to communicate and express myself with, and where they enjoy doing the same with me, and not fight to get acceptance from someone that doesn’t seem to want in their life or world – that’s simply a waste of time.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see that someone is reacting emotionally or going into a resistance around me, to take it personally and believe that it’s something wrong with me, and that I require to change some part of me, and that I must push myself further to make sure that I am being accepted and recognized by this other person, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how obviously, it’s not something wrong with me, and that what makes another reacts, or go into resistance, is not something that I am able to control, and that I am not responsible for when I am certain that I am here, that I am clear, and that I am directive within and as myself as to what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept and allow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that how I’ve spent much of my life, and my time here on earth attempting and trying to be accepted, and recognized by people that don’t want to recognize or accept me, and that I’ve thus attempted and try to fight myself into groups and circles of friendship, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself as who I am, and accept and allow myself to align myself with people in my world that I have and share a connection with and that I don’t have to fight or struggle to be accepted by – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my starting point as to why I interact with another, to be that of “I want to be accepted” – instead of accepting and allowing myself to instead make my starting point – that I am here – and that I express myself – and that I share myself – and that I stand responsible within and as myself as to what goes on within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become insecure about myself when I notice that another is reacting, or going into a resistance around me, and immediately believe that this is my fault, and that it’s because I can’t express myself properly and because I don’t fit in as I should, and I don’t express the way that I should, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s not about me, but that what goes in within another is their process, their mind, and their responsibility, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead give attention to me here within and as breath, as to what I will accept and allow, and place my focus on my expression, on my body, and on my breath, and on who I am here within and as every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become insecure about myself when and as I perceive that another doesn’t respond to me within like, and appreciation, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself, through becoming dependent upon others seeing, and experiencing themselves positive around me, for me to be stable in my expression, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not liking me, or for not being positive around me, and within this attempt and try to get them to like me, and to get them to be positive around me, in thinking that this is what I need and require for me to be stable, instead of accepting and allowing myself to stop all blame and to take full responsibility for who I am within and for what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept and allow – and thus push myself to remain stable and consistent within and as my expression and movement of myself and as such make sure that I am not dependent upon someone else in my world for me to be natural, stable and consistent within who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that I must be accepted by everyone, recognized by everyone, and liked by everyone for me to be effective in my direction and movement in life, and for me to have effective and stable relationships – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is in-fact a self-limitation, and a state of self-sabotage, wherein I believe that I require someone else to change, before I change, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not view all persons and points in my world as self-support, and that when a emotion or feeling come up within me, that I utilize this moment as a moment of self-reflection, and seeing what programs still exists within me that I require to change and align into and as physical equality and oneness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept the fact that I can’t have everyone like me, and within this also realize, that the point is not that everyone should like me, or that everyone should be positive, and have an experience of friendship towards me, but that the point is instead that I make sure that I am stable, that I am here, that I am aligned into and as my human physical body and that I take responsibility for the points coming up within me, and that I align them into and as self-correction – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my life is a training ground, wherein I am facing all aspects of my mind, and that for each and every reaction coming up within me, there is an opportunity for me to get to know myself better, and to correct myself and push myself further to stand as physical stability and groundedness within and as every moment of breath

Self-commitments

I commit myself to practice self-confidence when and as I am moving myself throughout my life, through when and as I face situations wherein I perceive that another is resistant, or reacts towards me in a negative experience, that I don’t accept and allow this to influence my expression, but that I instead remain stable, silent, and grounded – and that I remain within and as breath and that I don’t go into insecurity and fear in wondering whether there is something wrong with me – and thus I commit myself to trust myself

I commit myself to stop attempting and trying, and searching to achieve acceptance from people in my world that I perceive to not like me, or not appreciate me, and I instead commit myself to place my focus and attention upon me, on who I am, and how I experience myself, and what I will accept and allow, and what I will not accept and allow – thus I commit myself to practice having my presence HERE with ME and my human physical body at all times – and not get sidestepped and begin looking at things from the perspective of how I believe others see or experience me

Day 131: Hastiness

Today I was studying and within doing that I noticed an interesting movement within me. It was a feeling of hastiness – I wanted to get through what it was that I was doing and go to the next thing on my ‘to-do-list’. I realized in that moment that in living from this starting point of hastiness I can’t experience and live the word fulfillment – because living fulfillment required that I live each moment FULLY here – doing what is here completely and with no agenda or future projection of wanting to get to or do something else.

Thus I see that I must practice physically slowing myself down in these moments – and walking the particular point I am involved within slowly, precisely, and specifically – being fully immersed and involved within what I am doing.

Self-forgiveness

hastinessI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live from a starting point of hastiness, wherein I am trying to get ahead of myself, trying to get to the next moment, trying to get to a place where I’d rather want to be than being here with what I am doing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from this moment here – and to not accept and allow myself to live FULLY – here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to live fulfillment practically – I require to slow myself down and move with each moment of breath as breath here – as such not trying to haste myself to get to a future moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to haste myself through particular responsibilities that I have within my world because I perceive them to be boring, tedious, and not produce a result that I feel good about – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions as to what I am going to do – and how I am going to do it – on the basis of how I feel about it – instead of making the decision of what I am going to do – and how I am going to do it – upon the basis of what I see is practical – effective – and creates an outcome that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to haste through certain responsibilities in my world – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a future projection in my mind as to where it is that I want to get to – and how I want to experience myself in getting to that particular point – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down – and let go of these future projections – and instead accept and allow myself to be fully and completely here with and as my breath – my body – and the responsibility that I am walking here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize my world into things that I like doing – and things that I don’t like doing – and as such create a relationship to responsibilities in my world where I am hasting through them – just to get them done – so that I can get to the things that I like doing and that I have a positive relationship with – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that regardless of what I do the common denominator is the physical – and breath – and this point is equal and one in all of my world – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with and as this breath – and walk my responsibilities as breath – and stop polarizing my world into things that I like and that I don’t like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am creating conflict within myself when I am polarizing my life into things I don’t like and things I like – and that the consequence will be that I am going to the things I have defined as me not liking – less effectively than what I am capable of – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and stabilize myself here – and equalize myself in all of my world – so that what I do is physical – it’s nothing more and nothing less – and I do not have a particular experience towards what I am doing – it’s simply a physical action that I walking in the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace all my responsibilities and realize that there is enjoyment to be found within and as all points of my life – responsibilities and entertainment – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have to stand as that joy – as the point of fulfillment – as me immersing myself in what I am doing and allowing myself to become it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and haste through certain responsibilities in my world instead of embracing them – and learning and practicing to enjoy myself within walking them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the solution is not to haste through responsibilities, but to investigate, and correct, the initial resistance I have towards such a point – I mean – why does resistance comes up? Why is it that I don’t want to do this? And why is it that I want to do some other things? What is it that attracts me or retracts me? What is it that is controlling me? And as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my relationship with things that I like and things that I don’t like – for granted – instead of realizing that the reason I move myself towards certain points – and resist others – is because of my emotional and feeling-based definition of these points – and how I have limited them in my mind to be subject to experiences – instead of walking and interacting with them physically here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the primary point of motivation that exists within me in regards to moving myself – is positive experiences – it’s a stimulation that I am seeking to have – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to fulfill myself and find meaning, purpose, and substance, through having events and situations fill me up with energy – instead of me practicing self-stimulation – and self-fulfillment – as my living principled here – and me creating myself in awareness – in realizing that I do not need external stimulation – I require but myself here within and as stability of breath – moving myself according to what is practical – and what is common sense

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am resisting a responsibility, and I am hasting through it, to get to something I feel that I can enjoy, and feel pleasured within, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am in this moment limiting myself and holding myself back into and as energy – being dependent on energy to direct me and decide who I am – and as such I commit myself to make a decision as to who I am – and stimulate myself – fulfill myself – and motivate myself – and do this through living fully in awareness HERE – and immersing myself in the responsibility that I am walking

When and as I see that I am rushing through a particular responsibility, trying to get it done as fast as possible, so that I can get to something that I feel good about, and that make me feel happy, and pleasured, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am compromising my responsibility through moving myself in this hastiness and rush – and that I am not allowing myself to honor myself as life – as the physical – and that I am not realizing the consequences I am creating for myself due to me not handling the responsibility effectively; as such I commit myself to move myself here in breath – and slow down physically – and immerse myself in the responsibility – and as such remove the projection of a future moment apparently more satisfying and pleasurable than the one here

I commit myself to push through and move myself through the energetic illusion of like and dislike – and rather – instead – walk and live according to what is here – be fully HERE in the moment and as such have no room for dislike or like – as I am simply here – with what is here

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Day 112: Follow The Positive?

Many, many, many people tend to strive towards a greater position in society – some desire to be a Lawyer, another a Doctor, and someone third to be a CEO for a great company – and I’ve equally found this point existent within myself.

Reasons-Why-Its-Important-To-Follow-Your-Dreams1-300x330Now, to clarify, there are some cool and relevant points within for example, establishing oneself in a position of the Lawyer in the system, as this will imply a certain authority and influence that can be utilized in order to bring forth change. What I want to bring up, and work with in this blog, is the irrational desire to reach such a position in the system, just because “it’s a elite position in the system” and “it feels good to imagine myself in that sort of position in the system” – because this is the sort of reasoning that I’ve noticed within myself.

When I’ve planned my future, my studies, and my career, what I’ve noticed myself doing, is that I will look at these sort of elite positions, and want to attain them, not from a starting point of considering what is practical, not from a starting point of consider who I am within it all, not from a starting point of looking at what it would entail to walk into such a position – no – the only point existent within me will be this positive feeling I have – that “this is the position I want to get into” – and obviously – this is not a decision based upon common sense but rather upon information that I’ve accepted and allowed to become who I am, because it’s ideas and assumptions that have been spoken, lived and regarded as real by people around my during my formative years.

Currently, I am standing at a point in my life, wherein I’ve realized that creating an effective life for myself in this world, and within that, making sure that I have a impact in this world, is not the same as following the various experiences I have towards decisions – and here as an example I can share my first experience as I was introduced to the world of sales. My initial reaction was that sales is not as glamorous, not as elitist, and not as filled with stature as being a lawyer, and thus I felt that I shouldn’t pursue this point at all – within this only considering my FEELINGS towards the particular opportunity.

Regardless of my initial reaction, I decided to do some research on this point of sales, and also on the point of being a lawyer – in order to really for myself clarify what these points entailed and whether they where aligned with what I wanted to have out of my life – doing this research was fascinating as suddenly I was able to see that many of my initial assessments of the point was a complete falsity.

Firstly, I became aware that the position I was striving for, as being a lawyer in the system, in particular working with business law, was an extremely competitive market, wherein only the best had a chance to make it – and that those that got in faced an extensive work load and quite poor salaries during their first 5 years of labor – thus not as glamorous as I perceived it to be.

Secondly, I became aware that as an effective salesperson, you could enable yourself to earn large quantities of money – comparable to those of lawyers – without having an extensive education of law, and severely overworking yourself – thus I could within this see that my initial ideas and assumptions where of mark – and that in-fact – I’d limited my awareness of my opportunities in life through holding unto this particular idea of “this position implies greatness and wealth” – instead of remaining unconditional and doing actual research as to how the points operated in actual physical reality.

So, herein I’ve realized that it’s important to never make decisions according to how one feel about a point, whether it be a positive experience, or a negative experience, because only things that one can cross-reference in physical reality – having the FACTS – is valid – all else is really a form of ignorance and brainwashing wherein one assume instead of finding out what is really going on and how it actually functions.

I would like to end of with saying that this blog isn’t meant to be some form of suggestion as to what type of career is the best and which one is the worst, as this is something we must individually assess based upon the contexts of our lives, as to what it is that we want to achieve, and how it is that we want to live; the point I want to bring through here is to not trust anything coming up within yourself that is of an energetic nature – as it simply can not be trusted – and that we must instead learn to work with and live by facts.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to what I experience instead of looking at facts – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust what comes up within me and to believe that because it comes up within me – it must be benevolent and trustworthy and that I can build my life around it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in such a way that I resist that which I experience a negative reaction towards – and go into attraction towards that which I experience a positive reaction towards – without regard and consideration for the FACTS – the objective reality that is here which doesn’t consist out of experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am faced with decisions in my world – to consider what I experience – instead of considering what is here; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I experience towards a particular decisions is more important than common sense – than assessing the point in physical reality and looking at whether or whether not I am able to stand with the outflows of making such a decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can only trust facts – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I make decisions – accept and allow myself to do the research – to do the necessary check and assess and cross-reference my decisions with reality to look at whether the point is in-fact in aligned with my reality or whether it’s just a miscalculation and a positive feeling that I am following without any discernment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I experience fear and anxiety towards a particular point, and when I resist and experience negativity towards a particular point and opportunity, to then believe that this implies that I should avoid that particular point and opportunity, I should resist and not go to it because apparently it’s “bad”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it’s common sense that I can’t rely on my experience of points to make decisions, because what are really my experiences? Well – it’s my assumptions, the limited information that I’ve gathered throughout my life that doesn’t really have any connection to physical reality – because most of it is hearsay – most if it is things that I’ve created and made up in my mind and that isn’t really existing on a physical level; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – and make decisions based upon facts – based upon what I see – what I can cross-reference – and what I can see in my research as a matter of fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of looking at the facts, look at my experiences, and place more trust in my experiences, than what is here as facts – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and see, realize and understand that effective decisions can only flow from having facts – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make an effort to do specific and effective research on points when I make decisions or consider making decisions and plans in my world

Self-commitments

I commit myself to when I make decisions – look at the facts, the practical, the reality – what is here – and to forgive and breathe through any experience coming up within me whether positive or negative

I commit myself to not trust the experience, whether negative, or positive, coming up towards a decision I walk, that I’ve made, or that I am planning to make – and instead consider practical points – what is here – what I can see and touch and discern as being actual reality

I commit myself to realize that I can’t trust an experience and make an effective decision based upon experience – because experience is not in relationship to reality

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Day 107: Plan or Live in the Moment?

Today I am going to continue with fear in relation to money and career as this point is a big one, and thus requires much attention.

What I’ve seen is that my tendency is that I look at the future from a “what is the worst possible outcome”-perspective – and within this I’ve seen that this particular perspective isn’t necessarily bad, because in essence, this world is fucked up and there is a probability that the worst possible scenario will materialize – the problem is that I go into fear and anxiety as I look at the future instead of realizing that fear isn’t helpful, it isn’t assisting, it’s not supporting me to make better decisions – it’s just – reacting to what is here.

Thus, I can actually use this analytical way of perceiving the future to support myself and make more effective decisions, the point that must change though, is that I look at the probabilities and possibilities, without fear, without reacting – and then I proceed to take ACTION, instead of accepting and allowing myself to go into fear, nervousness and stress in regards to the point.

This particular point was recently brought up in a Eqafe interview – which you can find HERE https://eqafe.com/p/life-angel-and-death-devil-life-review – and here this point is explained in much more detail; and the essence of it is that – yes – many fears that we do have are in-fact relevant; meaning – they could actually manifest – but the problem is that we reacting in fear instead of realizing that this is simply what is here – that is reality – and there is no quick-fix – no easy way out – and nothing in anyway get’s better when we react to what is here.

So, in regards to my future, in regards to career, I will embrace this point of being very tactical, and calculating, because obviously, this is what it means to be in alignment with a reality that works in equations of possibilities and probabilities – and the most effective way to stand is thus to make one’s own calculation – and walk that into the system.

One point is fascinating, many times when I discuss the future with others in my world, one answer tends to come up “It will sort itself out” – from my perspective it’s completely illogical to believe that something will “sort itself out” – because why would it? There is no mathematical proof in this world of things, without effort, without planning, without directive decisions, simply come to pass – no – it’s actually falsity that things “just sort themselves out” – the reality of this world is that nothing happens unless we make it happen – nothing is effective unless we make it effective – nothing will work, and nothing will come to pass unless we make it so; and to walk in this reality using only one’s faith in a prosperous future, that is simply unrealistic and will have consequences.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist being calculating and tactical in regards to what decisions I make in my life, believing that in walking like this I miss out on “life” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this idea within me that “life should just be lived” – “carpe diem” – “be in the moment” – not seeing, realizing and understanding that in living and walking this way in life I will obviously fuck myself into consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace being tactical and calculating in regards to my future, in realizing, seeing and understanding that this is the only way I am able to direct myself effectively and with somewhat of a stability and control, because common sense is that this reality works upon a basis of numbers – as probabilities and possibilities – and thus my best shot in walking an effective life – is in-fact to be calculating – to plan – and to make sure that I direct myself and do not really on faith to simply “sort things out”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on faith, and to rely on a feeling of being uplifted and loved to bring me through life, and make my reality, and my living effective – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the truth of this world and reality, is that it’s brutal, it’s messy, it’s chaotic, and there is absolutely no control at all – and as such my assets and how I can walk through this mess is through being deliberate, being specific, being stable and walking through this life upon a basis of what is practical – and not upon a basis of how I feel about things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, and hope that everything will just “sort itself out” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is not how the world functions, this is not how reality functions, this is not what is in-fact here – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace what is here, as a unpredictable, unsafe, and insecure environment that is filled with dangers and various consequences – and that it’s obvious common sense that I must thus to be effective in my life walk through this complete mess of a world with great caution, care and stability – and look at what is here with not fear – but simply see what is here and direct myself accordingly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am boring, and too calculating, too logical and analytical when I make decisions according to probabilities and possibilities, and not according to what I feel like doing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s simply common sense to have this stand in relation to reality, because this world, this system, functions like a program, and thus the way I am able to be effective within it, is through learning the programming, walking the programming, and directing the programming as myself, which will be effectively done through making decisions according to probabilities and possibilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how in-fact obvious that it’s consequential, to walk through life allowing myself to be guided by what I feel like, what I hope, what I desire, what I experience myself attracted towards – because the common sense is that this current system doesn’t give a shit about such points – they do not exist to the system – what is relevant for the system is the actual physical feedback it receives – and that is dependent upon what I physically do and not what I feel like doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this hopeful idea of how reality is, to see reality from a starting point of a positive energy as feeling love, excitement, and hopefulness, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is a completely false picture and idea of the world and this reality, and how this world doesn’t work according to principles of love, and positive energy – this world is in-fact an extremely consequential place – wherein I must obviously be cautious – and remain stable – and look at what is here without attempting and trying to glorify what is here; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not equalize myself with and as the nature if this world – and walk in alignment and in equilibrium with what is here – to within this be able to make decisions that are effective and in alignment with what is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sugarcoat what is here in this physical reality through holding unto a positive idea and experience of reality and life, wherein I instead of seeing what is here in-fact, see my sugarcoated version of reality – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become entirely possessed and overwhelmed with and as this positive way of looking at reality, wherein I attempt and try to push away and reject that which I see in reality that doesn’t fit with my positive idea, and image of reality – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with and as what is real – which is the physical here – nothing more or less than the physical here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject and resist looking at the darkness of this world and reality, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea, and belief within me, that being calculating and tactical is boring, and it means that you’re apparently not living; within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is in-fact the only effective way to life, because common sense dictates that this reality is in-fact a reality made up out of decisions, out of numbers, and accordingly the most effective way to life and participate will be to walk in this lifetime through counting and making sure that I insert the correct numbers as actions into this world so that the equation and result will be what I want it to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what is here in this physical world and reality, as the darkness, and the evil – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in fearing what is here, I am disempowering myself, I am making myself weak and ineffective, I am making myself unable to act and DIRECT the point – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with and as this world as it functions in it’s current stage – to as such enable myself to direct what is here instead of resisting what is here – seeing what is here instead of reacting to what is here – and acting and making decisions instead of running away and attempting and trying to deny what is here in-fact

Self-commitments

When and as I see that the world is a positive, joyful, and magnificent place, and I want to live by such principles as “live in the moment” – as “catching the day” – as “do what you enjoy to do!” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in this day and age, it’s obviously not possible to just “do what you want” – and to “live in the moment” – because the matter of fact is that this world is severely consequential, and outright dangerous, and as such I require to walk in this world being cautious and aware – and make sure that I know what it is that I am creating

When and as I see that I am going into a positive, joyful and happy experience in relation to living – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how this experience in-fact is a falsity – it’s not real – it doesn’t reflect the actuality of this physical world and reality, which is as a matter of fact dangerous, and severely consequential – as such I commit myself to take a breath – and see and walk in reality for what it is – not anything more – and not anything less – but simply walking in reality here – directing myself in reality here

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Day 67: Stop Complaining!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another for what I perceive to be complaining, and being negative about something – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this same point exists within me, and that I experience it as something wrong to be dissatisfied with a point, and that I don’t accept and allow myself to express such points because I feel that it’s not allowed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn, and take on the point in my life, of believing that it’s better to always be positive, and look at my future, and this world with positive eyes, and seeing the good in everything, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with myself and see direct here, thinking, and believing that it’s bad to state, and define something in my world as not being acceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as doing something wrong when and as I am dissatisfied with a particular point, and I share this, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that it’s better to deal with this world through being positive, and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that there are some obvious consequences for always being positive, and one of these consequences is that I don’t accept and allow myself to see reality, and to see what is actually here, but I only see that which I define, and term as being positive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself through becoming a worshipper of and as positivity, thinking, and believing that positivity is the solution, and that positivity is what will make this world function again, and that it’s through devoting my life, and my world to feeling positive about points, and to never complain, and never be dissatisfied, that I will make a effective contribution in this world; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath and bring myself back here to the physical, and to align myself with and as the realization that I am limiting myself when I don’t allow myself to see and recognize points of negativity in myself, and in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive towards having everything in my reality just be “positive and cool” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to face the negativity, to not dare to face the points in my world and reality that are not effective, that are not cool, and that I am not satisfied with; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it’s through facing the negative, and that which I don’t want to see, and recognize, and learning to direct, and change these points – that I will in-fact become effective in my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge negativity as being something bad, and something wrong, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the whole picture, to not see the complete picture, but to only see that which I feel and define as being positive; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath, and bring myself back here to the physical – and to understand that when I allow myself to see the complete, and the whole picture of what is here; I mean then I’ll be able to make much more effective decisions, I’ll be able to direct myself, and discern my reality much more effectively, because I will see everything, and not just the aspects of and as reality that I’ve defined to be positive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question that which I experience as being positive, and that which I experience as being negative, and within this understand that I’ve not in self-awareness decided specifically what is to be negative, and what is to be positive, but that this is simply something that I’ve inherited, and that I’ve copied from my parents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am not able to trust that which comes up within me as positive, and negative experiences, because I mean: I’ve not specifically directed, and moved these points within me, they just come up automatically and without any specific direction, without any specific intention; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to become more specific and more detailed, and more focused in my application, so as to not accept and allow myself to move myself by and through such illusions as positive, and negative experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that positive, and negative experiences is a ineffective, and deceptive way of seeing, interpreting, and existing towards reality, and that a more effective way of seeing, and walking with reality is to simply see things as they exist here, and within this not hold unto any form of judgment; not look at the point as positive, or negative, but simply look at the point here within and as oneness and equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand, that interpreting reality in positive, and negative, is really a form of superiority, wherein I take a stand within me of being more than reality, and that I decide within me what reality is according to how I feel, instead of accepting and allowing myself to get to know reality, to get to know living, to get to know life, and the physical world, through observing, and living in this physical world here breath by breath – wherein I don’t try to make the physical world be what I want it to be but I instead observe, learn, and get to know the actuality of the physical reality here

When and as I see that I am trying to make physical reality something more than what it is, through going into positivity, or negativity, looking at this world from a starting point of energy, instead of seeing direct here; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is me limiting myself, and holding myself back, and not allowing myself to see the complete, and whole picture, as what is actually here; as such I commit myself to push myself beyond energy and too observe, and look at what is here from a starting point of pure physical expression – pure physical awareness here – nothing more, and nothing less

When and as I see that I am judging negativity, judging the point of being dissatisfied with something, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that, I mean, there is nothing bad, or wrong with being dissatisfied with a point, and that denying what is in-fact negative in this world, is denying myself from reality, and making me live in a illusory positive fantasy reality instead; as such I commit myself to live here and to see all colors and facets of life, and reality as they are – and not try to make reality what I desire, and feel that it should be

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Day 41: What? This Is Not How I Should Experience Myself!

A reaction that I’ve noticed – and that bothers me – is that I go into fear, and anxiety when it is that I enter into a new situation where there are people.

For example – every morning I’ve experienced the same point manifesting. I will arrive at the office, and as I begin to walk into the building I am able to notice the thoughts come up within me such as “I wonder who will be there today?” – “How should I behave?” – “Should I greet my colleagues or not?” – “I hope I won’t get afraid”. Within this backchat I start to notice a fear building up within me – and that is when I enter self-positive talk mode – wherein I will say to myself – stuff like: “I am not afraid!” – “Why can’t I just stop being afraid?” – “Man I get afraid like this every morning!” – “I will just walk in there and not be afraid at all – yes – that’s what I will do!”

But within me having this backchat – what occurs is that the fear is increasing, and then as I enter the office and meet my colleagues I exist within quite a prominent experience of fear, and anxiety – that makes me in-effective, less social and talkative, and more held-back than what I am usually.

expectationThis social-anxiety point is one of my primary weaknesses – and a reason that it’s still here is because I don’t like admitting to myself that this is how I experience myself – instead I like to think of myself as already being past these type of experiences, and see myself as a confident person with much self-esteem; fascinating that I within not wanting to recognize to myself what I really experience in-fact cement that experience of myself as real – because I refuse to deal with it – work with it – find the cause for the experience – and correct myself.

The first step is thus to recognize for myself what it is that I experience, and get back to humility – get back to reality – and to also understand that having reactions is nothing bad – experiencing myself anxious around people is nothing negative – it’s simply what it is – a particular system-construct that I’ve created, and manifested as myself due to repetition – and obviously due to an ineffective education as I grew up – where I learned to honor fear, instead of self-honest self-expression.

Thus – today I will walk self-forgiveness on the idea that I want to hold unto of myself – as how I’d like to believe that I am as a person – which isn’t actually the reality of how I live, and experience myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a state of idealism within myself – wherein I idealize myself – and think that I am strong, that I am confident, and that I am fearless – within this creating an idea of myself as how I’d like myself to be – not wanting to recognize the real experience of myself in my day-to-day living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the real experience of me as social anxiety, and fear – when I meet new people – as being a weakness – and a point of inferiority – and judge this point as being a mark of shame; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am within judging my experience of myself as fear – in-fact not accepting and allowing myself to stand up within a point within myself of being able to deal with this experience – to recognize it and work with it utilizing self-forgiveness, self-commitments, and writing – because I mean – I do have the tools to deal with the experience – why then continue to lie to myself, and hide the real truth of myself?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to explore this fear in specificity – meaning – to in detail investigate exactly when, how, why, and what – that triggers this fear – and what thoughts arise in my mind – and also what memories I still hold unto as a fuel for this particular character that I’ve created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain humble within myself in walking my process – in allowing myself to see without judgment, comparison, or idealization what I exist as within me – and as such enable myself to work with the problems that I still have – and experience; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that – having reactions is nothing bad – it’s nothing wrong – it’s merely what it is and as such nothing but a point within me that requires attention, that requires work, and that requires discipline in order to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to be weak – meaning – to allow myself to closely observe my weaknesses as the points where I still react, and still go into experiences – within this allowing myself to intimately explore the detail of myself as the organic robotic program that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live self-intimacy – which is self- into me I see – allowing myself to see everything that goes on within me without a bias, without a want, or a desire – but simply seeing objectively what’s going on – and from that starting point standing up within me – and correcting myself to live, and apply what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create positive ideas of myself as who I think I am – creating an idea of myself that I am confident, that I am fearless, that I am stable, that I am certain – within this cementing an idea of myself as “already being done” – instead of being brutally self-honest with myself – and seeing who, and what I live as – seeing that I am not perfect – and that I do still have reactions – but understanding that this is nothing bad, or wrong – it’s nothing to be avoided, or feared – it’s simply what is here – and as such I accept and allow myself to embrace what is here – and work with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that unless I accept and allow myself to see how I experience myself – I will not be able to change myself – because I will not deal with, and walk with reality – as what is actually here – what is actually happening – what is actually my true nature; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to look within without fear – to look within without judgment – to look at myself and observe myself – and become a self-scientist – wherein I without bias explore myself, and my inner-workings – so that I am able to understand myself – and correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to begin a new in every moment of breath – and not hold unto any idea of “who I am” from the past breath – as such accepting and allowing myself to stat afresh in every moment – and thus being able to see what is here without any judgment, or fear – simply observing myself and within that creating a foundation for me on which I am able to stand – and direct myself into and as correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a positive idea of myself as being assertive – as being fearless – and generate this positive idea of myself through imagining myself talking to people in my head with a assertive, and strong voice – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when and as I notice that I react in a way that is opposite to the way I’ve imagined myself being in my mind – thinking, believing and perceiving that I am doing something wrong because I am not experiencing myself as I thought I would in my mind; instead of realizing, seeing, and understanding that my mind reality does not show what is real – and thus only because I imagine myself being assertive, confident, and strong – doesn’t mean that this is what I in-fact stand as – live as – in physical actual expression here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how my positive idea of myself in my mind is in-fact responsible for creating my reaction towards the negative side of myself as the “real me” – because I within participating in the positive create a conflict relationship with myself – where I try to change myself through judgment, and anger – wherein I react to the negative real me – through thinking that this negative real me shouldn’t be here because I’ve imagined another positive me in my mind; instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding how both of these points are illusion – but how the positive point of me is more illusion than the negative – and that I am within participating in the positive point of myself only strengthening and charging the negative reactions I experience within me when I face new people – because conflict is the breeding ground of energy – as reactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of any and all positive reactions towards myself in my mind – to as such allow myself to become a blank slate so to speak – wherein I am able to observe the real me as I exist without any reaction – or experience – I simply see me for what I am with no agenda to change how I see me – I mean – in a way – that is inner propaganda – as trying to change the actual truth of me into a truth that I like and feel good about – not realizing that I am within that only covering up the problems and not allowing myself to work with, and deal with reality

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am idealizing myself – and creating a positive idea of myself in my mind, that I am strong, assertive, self-confident, and fearless around people – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is the illusion – this is the positive idea of myself that is not real through which I generate and charge, and cover up the negative and real aspects of myself; as such I commit myself to stop this positive seeing of myself – and instead see myself for real – seeing myself without a bias – without a experience – without a definition – simply seeing who I am, and who I’ve become without judgment

When and as I see that I am judging a negative experience of myself that I am having, as for example fear, or anxiety when I meet new people – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this judgment of myself is not real – because what I experience as me is merely what it is – it’s a reaction – it’s a character – but it’s nothing bad, or wrong – such as my judgment suggests; as such I commit myself to see myself without judgment – simply seeing what I’ve become without reacting – allowing myself to be self-intimate – see into me – and understand myself – and see myself – and from within that be able to stand up within me and correct myself

When and as I see that I am reacting in judgment towards what I experience as fear, and social anxiety – and I think that “I shouldn’t experience myself this way” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this type of thinking doesn’t lead me to a solution – I mean only because I think that I shouldn’t feel in a particular way – doesn’t stop me from actually feeling that way – it merely adds another dimension of reaction to the point which is completely unnecessary; as such I commit myself to stop judging myself – to stop having any preconceived ideas, and hopes about myself – and simply deal with – get to know – and be intimate with who I am, and who I’ve become

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ConfidenceWikipedia: Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective.