Tag Archives: powerful

Day 370: Equal Regardless of Position

I have recently begun walking through a pattern of fear/inferiority/anxiety in relation to superiors at work. It is an interesting point to look deeper into, because it reveals many parts of how I have set up my mind to function in relation to money, status and position. I have come to realize that it is not really about my superiors at all, it is not about the work at all, the entire pattern is showing me something about myself, and how I have dis-empowered myself, and placed the power to live/express in relation to money, the system, career, into some very narrow and specific physical manifestations.

On a superficial level, the pattern tends to play out as follows: My superior will come around, I will experience anxiety and fear, and become held back and less expressive – and I will over-analyze most things my superior say and many times come to the conclusion that what he or she has said has been some form of insult or hidden critique towards me. That will add fuel to the fire so to speak and increase my experience of paranoia.

Where is this fear coming from? What I have been able to see is that I have placed a lot of value and power into my superiors – I believe that they have the power and initiative to give or withhold my access to money, my ability to create my life and my ability to survive – basically that I need them to stand beside me – and to be there for me for my life to work. I have as such projected my own power and authority to make decisions and move myself in my life unto my superiors – which is a serious limitation.

It is not only a limitation, it is also irrational. Because fact is that I do not need my superiors to like me, to stand beside me, to want me as part of their organization, for me to be effective in this world system – for me to be effective with money – for me to be effective within establishing a career for myself. Sure, if I have an effective relationship with my superior it might make things easier, however it will not determine anything, because the determining factor is ALWAYS myself.

I made it through my university education primarily because of myself, the decisions I made and followed through upon, my determination, my consistency, that was what allowed me to pass my exams and get my current job – and thus – I created my own opportunities. It was not my superiors, and the same goes with my current job – I am the one making sure that I continue to develop, expand and move within the settings of my current job – I am the one pushing myself to go further – nobody else. And thus, I see, realize and understand, that the point I must embrace is that I am responsible for my own life and there really is no other authority but myself. I am the author of my life and nobody else.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project power, authority, control and direction unto my superior – and thus believe that I need my superiors liking in order to make something out of myself, to remain stable in my life, to remain consistent in my life and be able to create an effective relationship with money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own power and authority unto the money system, unto my superior, unto my education, unto my teachers, unto my grades and marks, and believe that it is they/them that control my future and how my life will play out – and that I thus must make sure to please and satisfy all of these various characters – thinking that if I do not do that – it will have severe repercussions – and I will not be able to do anything what-so-ever with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and recognize my own value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for someone else to give me a sense of value, and to stand as my point of power and authority – instead me taking on and standing as these points myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life and everything in it will work out when I am accepted by my superior, when things are going smoothly at my job, when I am seemingly accepted by the current system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I approach life from within and as that assumptive starting point – I am creating consequences for myself – because I am not actively living, directing and moving my life in the direction within which I see that it would best if it moves into – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution is that I take charge and responsibility for all parts of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear authority and feel inferior to authority and want to serve authorities so that I can save myself from a bad outcome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority and to believe that I am not capable of doing that – and that I need someone else to stand that point for me – that I need someone stronger and more apt to be my authority – thinking, perceiving and believing that I am not able to do it for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not valuable enough to stand as an authority in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not strong enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the right to be an authority – that I need someones permission to take up and stand in the role of being an authority in my own life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority in my own life – in fear that I am going to be attacked, harmed, and excommunicated – that I am going to be forced to leave this world and life behind – because other authorities sees me as infringing on their power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe and secure when I am able to have someone else be an authority in my life – because then I can have them make decisions for me – them take responsibility for me – them be the person that I blame if things do not go as I would like them to go – and hence I see, realize and understand, that this is a limitation – and not in the image and likeness of my full potential

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear and inferiority towards my superiors, I stop myself, take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this fear that comes up within me it is limiting me from interacting with my superior one and equal, in a comfortable and easy-going manner – and that in turn limits me from expanding my relationships – and here I see, realize and understand, that the real problem I have is not about my superiors, it is about me and my relationship with myself, where I have come to define myself and my value according to position, stature and money, instead of me trusting myself HERE within and as my human physical body to live grounded and simple – equal with all others physical expressions – thus I commit myself to remind myself that I am the directive principle of my life with regards to career, money and work – and that these are points that I take full responsibility for and do not push over unto my superior – and I commit myself to breathe and ground myself back into my body – into my point of equality – and then practice interacting with my superior as I would with anyone else – as an equal


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Day 323: Redefining the word possession

In this blog I am going to work with redefining the word possession. I have decided to work with this word because since I moved to a farm, and within that started to take care of all the various houses, machines, stables, and tools that are here, I been feeling locked/trapped by all of these responsibilities. I have experienced myself as if my possessions possess me – and that my life is solely about making sure that all of these things around me work properly and are at their utmost potential. Hence, I have seen a need to clarify my relationship to things, and to make sure that I am not possessed by what is in my world, but that I possess/own/use what is in my world. To support myself in this process or redefining possession I have listened to the Eqafe interview ‘Possessed or Possessor? – Relationship Success Support’.

How I have l lived the word possession thus far

I have lived the word possession mostly with relation emotional/feeling experiences, as in being possessed by them, however, with regards to things and material possessions, this I have not experienced as a big or problematic. Usually I have not placed sentimental value on my home, or things that I own, and it has been easy for me, to without a feeling of loss, move to a new place. However, some things have been close to my heart, for example guitars I have purchased, technical equipment, and other similar stuff that I have saved up to, and then bought after a long period of desire. Those things I have felt responsible for and connected to in a different way. And when such things have gone missing, or been damaged, it has caused me to become upset and emotional.

In terms of the word possession, I have had a negative emotional connotation to this word, and seen it as a weakness of character. Apparently, to possess, or become possessed is bad – however as I look at it now I do see that possession does not have to be defined as either good or bad – and it can instead be seen for what it is – owning/controlling/having access to a particular gods.

Dictionary definition

1 [mass noun] the state of having, owning, or controlling something.
– Law visible power or control over something, as distinct from lawful ownership; holding or occupancy as distinct from ownership.
– informal the state of possessing an illegal drug: they’re charged with possession.
– (in soccer, rugby, and other ball games) temporary control of the ball by a player or team.
2 (usu. possessions) something that is owned or possessed.
• a territory or country controlled or governed by another: France’s former colonial possessions.
3 [ mass noun ] the state of being controlled by a demon or spirit: they said prayers to protect the people inside the hall from demonic possession.
– the state of being completely dominated by an idea or emotion: fear took possession of my soul.

Etymology

mid-14c., “act or fact of possessing, a taking possession, occupation,” also “thing possessed, that which is possessed,” from Old French possession “fact of having and holding; what is possessed;” also “demonic possession,” and directly from Latin possessionem (nominative possessio), noun of action from past participle stem of possidere “to possess” (see possess). Legal property sense is earliest; demonic sense first recorded 1580s. Phrase possession is nine (or eleven) points of the law is out of a supposed 10 (or 12). With eleven from 1640s; with nine from 1690s

Sounding of the word

Post-it-session
Position
Poor-session
Posse-easePus-session
Post-station

Creative writing

Possession is a form of position. The word indicates my position in relation to something else. For example, if I possess a car, then I have a certain position in relation to that car – a position of ownership – which means that I exact a form of control over that object. However, in another sense, it is not possible for me to own anything, because all things will stay behind as I die. Further, even though I might loose everything I have, the things I have owned still exists within me, as the stories, experiences, realizations and processes that I have walked. Everything exists equally within me as without. Hence, possession takes place HERE in my immediate environment, with the things I can touch and see. Other things, that are not in my immediate environment, they are not things I possess, as I do not exact control over them.

The word possession thus, defined practically, would simply entail having a thing in my immediate presence that I exact some form of control over and can manipulate as I please; it clarifies my position in relation to something else in a moment, wherein my position is that of controlling the object.

Redefinition

Controlling an object that is in my immediate presence

Day 278: Giving

I woke up this morning and noticed that there was a form of stress or anxiety present in my chest. I took a moment and looked within me to see where this stress and anxiety came from. What I could see was that this stress and anxiety was connected to debt, to money, and to survival. It is easy to fall into the trap of survival fear – and then remain stuck in such an experience. When in survival mode everything is about the mere continuation of one’s life, which is the drive, which is the force and momentum that push points forward.

What is unfortunate is that when stuck in this state of survival, tunnel vision sets in, and one’s world gets smaller. It gets small in the sense that the only thing that matters is survival, not seeing anymore that there are more points to living in this world, and most of us understood this as children, when we could live in this world without being governed by fear of survival.

Hence, fear of survival is that limiting experience where all focus and attention goes to achieving the basic minimum, just getting by, just making sure that one get through this day. In that there is no will, or drive to move and expand, to give of oneself, to create something extraordinary and out of this world, something awesome that would be of benefit to many people. The will to live is sucked dry by the fear of survival.

However, it does not need to be this way. Money, or rather the lack of money does not have to define who we are as beings, and what we decide to live, and what we decide to stand for and as. Our expression and commitment to life can be created to go beyond money, and that is what I am going to write about in this blog, how I have waited with standing as life in certain parts of my life, due to connecting that will to stand to money, and having a lot of money.

One point that stands out here is the point of living HERE, living HERE and not accepting and allowing fear to creep up on me. Because, one justification that has been common is that ‘Oh well this fear is valid, because I do not have any money’ – hence procrastinating stopping and changing my self-experience until I feel that I have enough money to let go of my fears. Obviously, this is not effective, because fact of the matter is that I might never have enough money to feel comfortable in letting go of my fears, and fact of the matter is that I might never feel that source of income I have is sufficiently certain for me to feel comfortable in letting go of stress. This means that if I want to live without stress and fear, and stand up as my real potential, I must take a leap of faith, and simply stop these experiences – not accept and allow them to exist within me – regardless of where I stand in relation to money and income.

What does it then mean to live without fear of money/survival, and what I can replace this fear and survival with? What expression can I live instead that will support me to become a fulfilled and effective human being in this lifetime that is contributing to a life that is best for all?

What I see is that the word GIVING is a important part of me changing myself to live my utmost potentialGIVING is important in me walking from survival and into self-expression – and within GIVING – also words such as CARE, CONSIDERATION, EQUALITY, and SUPPORT – basically – placing value and significance on my fellow human beings and looking at how I can in my life GIVE to others of myself in such a way that it will support them and enhance their lives.

And I see that this word GIVING can be applied in many contexts. I can pursue GIVING in my work environment, GIVING through placing a focus on the organization that I work for as a whole – instead of only seeing it from my perspective, and from my desires and wants. And GIVING through actually caring for others, placing them within me, and when I speak, and interact with them, recognize the other person as an equal to me – see them – hear them – and be here with them. And GIVING through when I have time and opportunity to do so, assist and support others in their work.

And then GIVING can be applied at home through assisting and support with the household work, taking on responsibilities, and taking part in caring for the environment.

And basically, what I see, is that GIVING implies giving up my self-interest, to instead consider the whole, and see what I can contribute to the whole, instead of what I can get and take from the whole. Seeing how I can support myself and my world to expand, instead of looking for opportunities for me to get my next fix of energy – it is thus a shift in perspectives – a shift in how I look at things.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the antidote to self-interest is giving, being generous and including others into my life and supporting not only myself but everyone to create a enjoyable life for themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason as to why this world face so much consequence is partly because we are just all the time taking, we all the time want things, seldom are we giving back – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make it part of my life to give back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I only think about myself, that is when fear starts taking a hold – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop thinking – and apply the solution of GIVING and being generous with myself, my time and my money – and hence not anymore accepting and allowing myself to be a miser that walks in this world only to have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that giving is what has been missed in this world – we humans have not considered the point of giving and within that receiving – but instead looked at this world as a place were we must do what it takes to survive – not seeing, realizing and understanding that by having that initial perception of this world – we have created it

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to develop the expression of GIVING in all parts of my life

I commit myself to investigate what it means to GIVE and how I can live the word GIVING in my life in such a that I support what is best for all

I commit myself to place myself in the shoes of another and ask myself how I can GIVE to their life in such a way that I will assist and support them to expand

I commit myself to embrace GIVING – to embrace that we are here in this world together – and that no one is free until all are free – and that hence – there is no point to only caring about myself – my life – and my future

I commit myself to push GIVING – to push through the moments when I feel that I have given to much – or I give without ever receiving – to stop feelings of fair and unfair – and instead take responsibility in this world through giving and making sure that I contribute to building and shaping what is best for all

Day 220: Changing the Starting Point of Purpose

In my process of creating a purpose for myself in this life, I’ve noticed one quite interesting point – it’s that the point of purpose has become monetized – so immediately as I think about or consider my purpose, this will be followed with thoughts, and experiences of how I can further myself in my career, or create more money for myself – thus the purpose in essence being something that I’m doing only for myself – and more precisely – for money.

It’s thus fascinating to see, that what comes up within me when considering giving myself purpose, giving myself direction, and a objective that is greater than me, is that I only tend to care about MYSELF – the consideration only stretches as far as me look at what I would feel good doing, what I would be able to use to get a greater and more lucrative career. Though, there is a quite obvious problem with this starting point in relation to purpose = it won’t ever create any form of change in this world – it’ll only ever create my life to be slightly better, slightly more enjoyable, and with more finances to it – but that shouldn’t be the point of purpose!

The word PURPOSE implies something more than me only looking at myself, my life, my preferences, hopes, and desires – it implies looking at others as well, looking at life, looking at the world – looking at where it is that I can contribute, where I would be able to place myself that would have an effect – an actual effect in the lives of others, where their lives would become measurably enhanced by the point that I am walking and placing into creation.

Yet in my process of selecting a purpose of myself, the one greatest point that has stood in my way has probably been that of wanting, and desiring to find an extravagant purpose – something extremely great, something totally enjoyable, something that I just KNOW is what I’m supposed to do and create for myself in this lifetime – though – creating and finding a purpose is not about something OUT THERE – a purpose can exist even in the smallest of points – it’s important to not THINK something up – rather what I require to look at myself, my life, and see what is and has been significant to me personally – NO MATTER how small or simple it may seem.

For me, this has been quite difficult, because the purpose I’ve seen for myself has been one of these small and apparently insignificant points – one of those very personal aspects of life that many probably wouldn’t consider as having any impact or value whatsoever – and due to me having an idea of what purpose SHOULD be – and also relating purpose to MONEY and INCOME – my process of finding a direction for myself became convoluted, complex and filled with labyrinthine paths stretching from here to there – yet never really coming to a conclusion HERE. This also a fascinating point – that we believe that to change the world, and stand by a greater purpose – we’ve to become some form of a revolutionary, and daring activist, with this enormous, massive and flaunting purpose – whereas the reality of the situation is that we might be able to contribute the most through for example sharing with the world, how we’re able to live self-discipline and self-motivation effectively – meaning showing and giving to others how to improve on one small aspect of life, living and self-creation.

So, what I’ve seen is that in order to really find YOUR purpose, or in this case MY purpose – there can’t be any comparison, there can’t be any money-issues involved, there can’t be ideas of what the purpose should be like, because then the point of having a purpose is missed – then purpose instead of being an expression of myself, becomes a point of showing off and trying to display a picture to others of how cool, interesting, and fascinating my life is – and that is not the point – the point is to share myself with the world, share a point of myself that I’ve walked, and give that to others, seeing that it will contribute to their lives, that it will enhance their lives, that it will give something to them that they are able to use for the rest of their existence.

Thus purpose is not something you LOOK for OUT THERE – you have to LOOK INSIDE, yourself, your life to SEE it – PURPOSE must be something personal that you can stand by for yourself and even if for example Desteni wouldn’t be here – a point where you can source from the principle / process of Desteni but where you stand in and as a way where it still supports others in such a significant way as it did with you

Concluding – purpose is not about success, purpose is not about self-importance, purpose is not about becoming noticed, purpose is not about becoming seen by others, purpose is not about becoming special, purpose is not about money, purpose is not about fame, purpose is not about looking outside of yourself – purpose is an act of SELF-INTIMACY – it’s an act of SELF-KNOWING – seeing WHO I am – and WHAT I’ve lived – and WHY I’ve lived – and WHAT of my existence, life, expression that is personal to me – that I can voice and share with others – and in that stand as an example of how you create, change, improve and update your life – similar to the way I’ve done with the particular point that I’m walking.

Thus – finding/seeing purpose is actually very simple – because it involves recognizing the value a point that’s always been here – though as many do know – often what is the most glaringly obvious is also the point we’ve got the most difficulty to see – maybe because we’ve simply gotten used to it?

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become uncertain and doubtful of my purpose through looking out there, and comparing myself with others, and trying to attain and create a purpose for myself that I define and see to be extravagant, great, and formidable, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose touch with myself, with the simplicity of breath, the simplicity of being here with and as my human physical body, and in self-intimacy seeing what I’m able to bring to this world, to show and extend to others as a gift that I’ve created for myself and that I’m now able to show others how to create, build and implement into their lifestyles

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate purpose with creating something great, magnificent, and fantastic – and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself for granted, to take my skills, my process that I’ve walked, and my life in this world for granted, and believe that it’s not worth enough, it’s not worthwhile, it’s not good enough, and that I apparently require and need to keep looking, to keep investigating, to find that apparent great, fulfilling, and complete purpose of myself – instead of recognizing and seeing myself – and accepting and allowing myself to move, create and walk what is already HERE – what I’ve already done and seen in my life that I’m now able to gift to others as I’ve gifted to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself for granted, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, and participate within and as an idea that I require to bring something more to the table, something better, something more extravagant, something deeper, with more impact, with more power to it, with more worth to it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the problem I’ve had – is that I’ve not been willing to recognize the value and worth in myself and the life I’ve walked thus far – and thus I commit myself to recognize and value myself – the process of walked thus far – to see the greatness of what I’ve been able to create for myself that could really make a difference in the life of others – and thus stop trying to make something more out of myself in the belief that I’m not enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and make something more, better, and greater out of myself and my life – in the belief that it’s not enough – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge simplicity, to judge the small aspects, and skills that I’ve been able to walk, and create for myself – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason I’ve had a difficulty to see what I can gift to the world, is because I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to recognize my value, to recognize my skills, to recognize what I’m able to gift, to recognize what are my strengths, what are my potentials, and what I’m able to walk and stand as an example of and as in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself into a time-loop and mind-fuck through thinking about what should be me purpose, through judging the purpose I initially selected and defined for myself as not being sufficient, and not being enough – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this time-loop I’ve dragged myself into is in-fact indicatory of my approach to myself and life in general, which is that I don’t accept and allow myself to value and recognize the small, to value and recognize myself and who I am – and what I’ve walked and created within and as my lifetime

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what I’m facing within is the consequences of judging myself as not being good enough – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how this a pattern that is present in many areas and aspects of my life – that comes through in me constantly wanting, and desiring to something more, something different, something better – instead of recognizing myself HERE – what it is that I’m already walking and applying myself within and as – and thus developing the points I’ve already committed myself to walk – and recognizing the value, and worth of those points that I’ve committed myself to walk

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to value and recognize myself, the life I’ve walked, the processes I’ve walked, that skills and abilities that I’ve developed, and the gifts that I’ve given to myself – to recognize these points and realize that this is what I can gift to the world – and that it doesn’t have to be a magnificent, powerful and apparently great purpose that I give to myself – it must be something that I’ve lived and walked personally that I can share with others and gift to others – and stand as an example of and as in the lives of others

When and as I see that I’m going into doubt, and uncertainty with regards to the purpose I’ve selected for myself in this lifetime, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this doubt and fear that comes up within me is in-fact originating from within and as me not accepting and allowing myself to value and recognize myself – and thus I commit myself to as self-correction – state within me that I value and recognize what I’ve walked for myself – and the importance of standing with and as the purpose I’ve selected for myself – because I see the difference that it’s made to my life – and thus I understand what difference it can do in the life of others – and thus I see it as my responsibility to gift that point to others – and stand as an example of that point in the lives of others

Day 170: Successful people… and ME!

Today I was hanging out with some friends and we were discussing career and future decisions, and appropriately enough, we happened upon the subject of what jobs we’ve had in the past. My friend then shared with me that he’d been to a renowned firm, a company that is big, and have a celebrated past, and actually: most of my fellow classmates probably have dreams about setting their foot in such workplace.

When my friend shared this with me I got literally stung with jealousy, I mean, it came up nothing short of a punch in my solar plexus area – and the nature of the experience was: NO! – lol – “He got it and not me!” – “I wanted to get it!”.

As they day continued, I noticed these peculiar thoughts popping up in my mind, where I could see that I compared myself to my friend, looked at my past, my education, my decisions, my life in general, and what type of opportunities that I’d manifested for myself, and then compared these with what I heard about my friend. And in doing this, I could see that I was taking myself into a experience of gloominess, and depression, and it felt as if I was attacking myself within, punishing myself that I didn’t create myself in the same way as my friend, and that I thus didn’t make sure that I go the same type of job, and the same type of life that my friend was about to step into.

So, if I take this back to common sense, and look at it, I am able to see that this friend of my represents my desires, and he shows me very clearly where I still exist within a state of competition, a state of fear, and a state of survival, and where I try to get ahead of others in order to feel good about myself, and to prove myself – and this is obviously not the point in life, it’s obviously not the point of why I am here – I mean, what purpose does it in-fact serve to get a super-good job, only to have that job and to feel better than others? It’s really meaningless and probably one of the big reasons why we human-beings have never managed to actually change anything in our world, because we’ve always been super-concerned with wanting to win, compete, and survive – so super-concerned that we’ve totally forgotten ourselves, our world, this system, our responsibilities and how it is that we’re affecting life on this planet with our actions.

Thus, my self-forgiveness today will be directed towards this particular point of competition, the competition that leads into jealousy, the jealousy being that point of feeling like a looser because another have something that I desire and want – and in this case: having a position in the world system that I’ve defined as envious and desirable.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous at another for having a job that is considered to be advantageous and desirable in the world system, and that is seen as being connected with having status, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to place myself in an equal position as this other person, and have a similar job, and have a similar career, and be in the top of the system, so that I am able to feel like I am winner – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my decisions, and movement in life on the basis of wanting to be a winner, and wanting to come out on top and in this not care about life, about this world, about humanity in its entirety but only care about myself, my desires, my experiences, and my future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself in such a way wherein I only care about myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a desire of wanting to place myself in the top brackets of the system, and have a job that others see as desirable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to impress upon others and show them how much status and power I’ve in the system so that I can feel like I am winner, and that I am better than others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this particular point is coming from within and as a desire to be special, and to be unique, and to be termed, defined, and seen as a winner, and as being more than others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be satisfied and content with being equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist equality, because in equality no one is better than another, no one has more stature, status or power than another, all are on the same level, and all are of the same value and worth, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in competition, desire, and wanting to be the best, instead of realizing that my life will not contribute to anything when and as I accept and allow this to be my starting point, and my direction in life, and what I want to have, and what I want to create, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change my focus, and my direction, to instead start caring about others, start appreciating others, and making my life to be about changing, and contributing, and making a difference, and creating a life of worth, and value in this world system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a dog in a dog eat dog world – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this game, to identify and define myself according to this game, and to believe that the only way to lead one’s life in this world is through playing this game, and making sure that I win this game, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with and as my human physical body, and instead of living to win, live in such a way that I make everyone a winner, that each person that comes into my world is an equal, that each human being that exists in this world is an equal and thus deserves an equal opportunity, and an equal life, just as I do – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in the desire and strife to become more than others, instead of focusing my life upon how I am able to assist and support others, how I am able to assist and support life to come through, and become something more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a glorious career wherein I am seen by others as having a perfect life, having the perfect girlfriend, having the perfect family, having the perfect intellect, having the perfect personality, being successful and famous in each and every instance and part of my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive for me, instead of accepting and allowing myself to change my striving, and instead strive to create, and found a difference in this world – and make my life to be about something tangible, something that I am able to touch, and have impact in this life, not only living for myself, and having my life become perfect, and desirable, but creating a life for all that is truly respectable, and dignified, and that all enjoy and where no one is compromised or left behind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire my life, and my future to be perfect, so that I can brag to others about, and feel superior, and above others in how effective, and strong I was in creating my perfect future, and my perfect life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lost in desire, instead of making the focus in my life to be about contributing to an existence, and a world, and a life that is heaven on earth – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to align my mind, and my daily living, and my daily considerations to take into account this aspect of actually making something worthwhile with my life, wherein worthwhile is not only something that means that my life is to be the best that it can be, but that I contribute to make sure that everyone’s life is the best life that they can possibly have – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that having an active mind is really only showing me that I am still selfish and that I don’t really care about another – and thus I commit and push myself to start caring about life – start caring about others – and making me an instrument of life that is here to contribute to life and a future that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with my life, with my future, and with my career, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to without consideration, without regard, without care, only focus on myself, instead of accepting and allowing myself to expand my perspective, and my view to include this world, humanity, earth, the animals, and everything that is here, and realize that in order to live a fulfilling life I require to give as I’d like to receive, I require to be a catalyst that makes life worthwhile not only for myself but for everyone in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and will myself to walk out of my self-interested mind and into physical equality – wherein I look at another as myself, I place myself in their shoe’s and I accept and allow myself to take responsibility for this world and how it has ended up looking – and as such commit myself to become a contributory force that lives to expand and create a life that is best for all – that means something – and that allows for life to flourish and grow to it’s utmost potential

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into future projections, wherein I dream about my career, about my life, my future, my potential, I stop, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it’s through these dreams that I separate myself from the rest of humanity, from the rest of this existence, and from the rest of earth, and that in order to really contribute, I require to let go of my ego and my desire to win, and be special; and thus I commit myself to train myself to consider others, to care for others, and I commit myself to make my purpose in life to be that of contributing to the lives of others and to life on earth

I commit myself to daily selfless acts wherein I participate, walk and move myself to bring about a world that is best for all – where I act – and I move not for my own pleasure or satisfaction – but for the betterment of everyone – to create a world that is magnificent

I commit myself to expand my viewpoint and to include the rest of this world – and I commit myself to first train this point with learning to care about those closest to me in my world – and learning to show, share and live compassion with those that are in my immediate environment – and then expand this point to include the rest of this world and humanity

My Dreams End Here

Most of my life I’ve wanted to become something that I am not. When I was younger at elementary school I wanted to become thin, because I thought that I was to fat. Further I wanted to become a movie-director and make great movies that everyone applauded in ecstasy. I wanted to become a fotball pro and make these brilliant tricks, wherein I fooled all my opponents and finally the goalkeeper. I wanted to become a brilliant ice-hockey goalkeeper, become famous for my amazing saves; having others speak about me in awe, saying that I never ever let the puck into the goal – saying: he’s simply brilliant!

Then I got somewhat older and I began college, or gymnasium as it’s called here in Sweden and now the nature of my dreams changed slightly. Now I wanted to become a master Warcraft III player, which is a computer game for those that do not know. And I wanted to be top-ranked, and I played to reach this goal for several hours everyday; up to 8 hours some day’s.

Then I found another computer game wherein the goal was to develop an online character through fighting and killing monsters. Through doing that you found new weapons, you unlocked new areas, raised in your level and got new type of skills; and when you we’re really good and had a very advanced character with all the latest skills, gears, and levels – you got respect from other online players.

Then as I advanced in my age I started to consume weed – quite heavily. Through doing that my dreams started to change in nature. I also started to play guitar at the same time; and now to my inner eye appeared visions of me sitting in a house in the middle of the woods, smoking weed and playing my guitar. Or I was off to some far away tropical island, filled with beautiful women, lots of weed and musicians that I could play music with. Obviously in my dreams I would become respected for my music, revered even, and I would become exactly as my most loved idols; Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Freddie Mercury; a star of enormous dimensions!

And then I got out of my school experience and my dreams came to an abrupt end, because you very fast realize that non of your dreams will be fulfilled, as they are only dreams. Though obviously I held on to some of golden acorns, as my most precious dreams; especially the dream of one day becoming a famous musician.

So, it’s interesting when one look at the dreams that I’ve had during my lifetime, as they have all consisted out of one thing only: winning. And my dreams might have offered some slight nuances as to how this winning might be experienced, as fame, success, adventure, sex, power; but always it’s been a question about a positive energy that I would experience, and that would be given to me through having the attention of others,

In all of my dreams I was never the source. All my dreams required people to look at me and define me as that which I sought to be; except maybe my desire to be in a cabin in the woods and smoke weed – yet within that dream I still wanted a cabin. Anyway – what can be concluded is that my dreams were never about me, but they were about me having something that I didn’t have – just as I said in the beginning.

It’s fascinating. All my life I’ve wanted to be something else but what I am here, and what I experience here.

Why? What’s the point of wanting something, or desiring something that isn’t here? To live like that is such an extreme self-limitation, because one will never be satisfied with oneself – and all the time run towards the new mirage that apparently hold the dreams of self fulfilled.

It’s really stupid. All type of dreaming is stupid, as it takes you away from what is real, and places you in position of having to reach something before you’ll be able to enjoy yourself and be satisfied with yourself.

The solution is breath. Never accepting and allowing self to wander of in the mind and create such expectations, ideas and dreams. Standing firm by one’s understanding that nothing will ever come from a dream. Fulfillment will never be achieved through thinking, desiring, longing and urging for something that isn’t here – obviously. It’ll never be here, that’s why it’s called a dream.

It’s just like heaven – dreams that is. Because through participating in dreams we separate ourselves from what actually matters – which is matter. And we become numb to that which offers actual fulfillment, which is living here one and equal as matter – filling ourselves up with substance.

That is the secret to ending consumerism, as always wanting more, more and more – we fill ourselves up with what’s already here and realize we don’t, and we never needed anything more but ourselves, as matter.

I stop the game, as the search for fame, and as the bitterness and blame, that arrives with the train, when you realize you’ll not win but only be one of the same. To be the same as everyone else isn’t bad – we are that already. We’re all of the dust, and of the earth, and dreams, superstars, famous people and successful people; they are but mirages attempting to convince themselves as well as others that they are something above the rest.

Dreams can only exist when one believe there is something above what’s here, and a belief can only exist when one participate in the mind. As such – the simple solution for self-fulfillment is to stop the mind and consequently return to the physical.

End fame – End the Game.